Category Archives: Dear daughter

2310. She Picks Bad Guys

Sir Eric describes how young girls and modern women attractively appeal and play to the best guys and then partner up with the worst. Their adult behavior flows out of poor programming of heart and mind in childhood. Adults before puberty teach or let them learn that they are bad. Teen peers both confirm and promote it as they associate with those of common interest and attitude.

Before puberty the girls are taught, allowed to think, or never convinced other than that they are bad. Parents, teachers, and others try to make girls feel better about themselves. They are catered to as deserving princesses to overcome their feeling bad about themselves. Nature doesn’t work that way.

The female subconscious knows that gifts and words of others symbolize that she’s important, but that doesn’t make her important, Only her own effort does, and it must be habitually reinforced before puberty.

Without their making themselves important to others, girls can easily be made or left to have feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. It takes only a little prompting in childhood for it to morph into ‘I’m no good’ or ‘I’m bad’.

Very different from boys,* females are born to be good. However, proper programming of heart and mind requires that they do good in order to habitually confirm that they are a good person. To do good is to act in ways that make them important to others so that it registers as self-importance within them.

Enough earning of self-importance through their actions programs their heart and mind that they are good. If they become good to themselves, then they overcome the natural human vulnerability to being unworthy, undeserving, and—therefore so easily—bad.

Both sexes are born to earn their worth, to be deserving. Males earn it by accomplishments that satisfy themselves and make them significant and therefore deserving. Females earn it by living up to someone more important than themselves and thereby become worthy and deserving, which displace the deep-rooted thoughts of natural guilt that portend badness.

Girls who grow up living up to no one more important than themselves are the ones who link up with bad guys. Parents and peers teach improperly and those girls develop the habit of always seeing themselves as the most important. But self-importance doesn’t settle into their female hearts when they live mostly for themselves. Excess self-centeredness pushes them toward narcissism, which causes them to automatically presume they are unworthy—and bad is not far behind.

How easy is it for parents to convince daughters and peers to convince friends that girls, and they alone, are the most important person in their own lives? But those good intentions—the words of others—earn her nothing; they leave daughters and friends with the internal conviction that they are undeserving, inadequate, and unworthy. Although such girls hide it well by associating with good boys and men, hidden within is the overpowering belief that they are not good, which bad guys can easily detect and convince that it’s good for him and therefore best for the girls. As we all do, people gravitate toward those like them.

Females are especially vulnerable to finding the ‘bad’ in themselves. It’s why someone’s love is so strongly sought, why morality and religion are so important to women. They recognize their inherent need to be loved so they can forget how badly they can feel about themselves when they have no one else with whom they can prove their importance and earn self-importance.

After puberty girls becomes unsupervised amid peer-confirmed actions of their importance to self. They can’t share what they don’t have in their heart; they only need someone of common interest such as bad guys. Good boys and men don’t confirm their sense of badness, and so they seek the bad guys with whom they’re more comfortable, WADWMUFGAO.


*Boys are not born to be good but to do good. However, they must be taught and incentivized mostly by mothers, girls, women, and wives into making it habitual. Or else, they too presume they are undeserving, unworthy, and, ipso facto, bad or nearly so.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, feminine, Fickle female

2309. Favored Quotes—Collection 46

It was not always this way, but the blog has converted me. My favorite people are the steady performers, always reliable and usually predictable. In the case of this blog, it’s those who contribute witty, wise, and personal remarks aimed at entertaining or spreading kind words that encourage others. Such as those readers whom I quote in this series and who are especially uplifting for me.

Your total of 2.4 million views and 15,000 comments (not counting my responses) have kept me on track and living up to something bigger than me in addition to Jesus Christ. Your loyalty inspires me to pay closer attention.

I quote some favorites here:

“Men are visual creatures, women are auditory creatures in general so our vices play out differently.” [My Husband’s Wife at 1803]

“It helps to keep in mind that prior to marriage, you are the buyer and he is the seller. ALWAYS. A Mr. [Vague and Unavailable] tries to reverse these roles. Who wants a man like that? I certainly don’t!” [Cinnamon at 2029]

“Ha—that reminded of what Cato, the ancient Roman Senator once said: ‘We Roman men rule the men in the rest of the world, and Roman women rule us.’” [Eric at 2131]

“I have learned that your body is your biggest possession and it should only be given to the highest bidder aka the man that puts the effort and focus to earn the right by marriage. If I ever have a daughter I will teach her this. :-)” [Emma at 1792]

“Oh and I’m the same height as my husband so I wear flats mostly because I feel less feminine when I’m taller than him.” [MLaRowe at 2168. Success in life comes from exploiting such subtle differences.]

“PC is aimed at feelings, directness is aimed at the will.” [Sharon at 2162 quoting her husband.]

“After marriage, you get what you marry AND his friends. At least now, you have a choice.” [That Horse Is Dead at 2259]

“Why is she wasting her time trying to be pleasing to bosses who don’t really care about her life as her husband does? She may find out by reacting to [husband’s] feedback with femininity [that] she is fulfilling her own need for recognition.” [Sharonwithmaryandmartha at 1977]

“I looked up ‘run aground’ because I thought it sounded like a ship. HA! I was right… run aground with shallow thinking and not following her heart.” [Surfercajun at 2287]

“and just look around–few young women are being courted today. ANYWAY–this is why I HATE ROMANCE NOVELS.. and how a woman could ‘change a man’ with her sexuality. Men don’t change that way but only through femininity” [Miss Kitty at 2141]

“Many women I think are caught in a Limbo between their instincts and their social programming.” [Eric at 2287]

[Context: After she saw a musician stop to help a small boy retrieve something.] “Brute force with a suede touch. Masculinity at its finest!” [From Surfercajun at 2228]

“But again the WOMAN has the best knowledge on how to be a WOMAN. And it makes all the difference when she not only believes that, but cherishes the fact.” [Lady Kaikou at 897]

“So, while we can educate young girls and women on how to look for a man of quality character, we can’t make him demonstrate his masculinity without some ‘shock and awe’ therapy.” [That Horse Is Dead at 2203]

“It is important to remember that you cannot demand [how a man is to treat you]. You can act according to your own expectations in order to influence his thinking but you have to let go of whether or not a particular man rises to the occasion. If he does not meet your expectations (aided by your subtle encouragement) then he is the wrong man and you move on.” [Cinnamon at 1968]

“What it does show is that feminine desperation combined with feminist indoctrination can have lethal consequences if an especially dysfunctional male gets involved.” [Eric at 2129]


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage

2308. Compatibility Axioms #961-970

961. Think and act dignified, and you’ll earn respect.

962. Think and act uniquely feminine, and you’ll attract a husband.

963. Think and act like a good Christian, and you’ll develop a servant’s heart and vice versa.

964. Think and act like a lady, and you’ll be treated as one—although you may have to teach others how to do it, both what being a lady means and how a man treats her.

965. Think and act like a virgin even if you’re not, and you’ll lead men to make themselves worthy of you.

966. Think and act morally exemplary, and you’ll influence others to duplicate your character.

967. Think and act pretty, and you’ll make yourself prettier.

968. Think and act unselfishly, and you’ll become a helpmate.

969. Think and primp in front of a mirror every day, and you’ll become prettier and value yourself much higher.[315]

970. Self-respect and duty slut are mutually exclusive.


Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, feminine

2300. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — And Likeability

Motto: PRiM is very proper, ‘cause he doesn’t drop her.

For reasons having to do with the way men love differently from women, I connect all the emotional attractions of one person for another. It includes shortcomings that don’t disqualify but are found acceptable enough to be ignored. All of it rolled up into one fluffy little love ball called their likeability, which makes them uniquely different to every other person.

Everyone is as likeable as each other individual determines them to be. No two people judge or are judged alike. As women view love, it is inadequate to describe masculine behavior; men just don’t think and act the same way. Likeability closes the gap. It enables us to talk about men and women as they couple up and understand why mates do and don’t stay together. Why preventive maintenance before the fact is far superior to relationship management after the fact.

Likeability summarizes a person’s appeal to another. Your likeability to guy A is enough for him to marry you, but guy B wouldn’t think of it. OTOH, guy A’s likeability means nothing to you, but you’d give your heart and soul if guy B would just pay attention to you. It means you need to look for guys C, D, E, F, and G.

One’s likeability includes all the appealing attractions such as physical attractiveness, mental compatibility, love, like, affection, mutual respect, trust, patience, indirectness, and every other kind of trait and habit that appeals favorably to the other. Those features and habits that a man admires in a woman are virtues. The more virtuous, the more likeable to that man. As a woman sees desirable attractions in a man, she sees high merits. The more and higher the merits, the more likeable to that woman.

Likeability is personal taste and couple-connected. If each person remains likeable enough to the other, they tend to stay together. As life progresses, virtues and merits lose and gain importance. If virtues or merits weaken, then the couple starts to lose common interest, part their togetherness, and finally split their partnership or mated connection. So, as used here, ‘likeable’ means tending to glue one person to another and if likeability is mutual, a couple may form. If mutual enough, they may stay together. Unlikeable that may come later after a couple forms initiates the separation process although it never has to go that far.

As usual, there’s a catch. PRiM is the process of making oneself more likeable to another and finding more likeability in the other. However, we lack the ability to improve without error another person’s respect, trust, love, patience, etc. IOW, we should forget the details and work on the big picture.

The catch is this paradox. You make yourself more likeable in two ways: a) by making him like himself better; b) by making yourself a better person. Not by trying to be more likeable yourself, although you should frequently take inventory by evaluating yourself against how he treats you. We all like to associate with people with whom we like ourselves. Without trying or even thinking about it, we like ourselves when with them; they are likeable to us and we usually mate with the most likeable.

This is PRiM in simplest terms. The primary job of keeping a man’s love is twofold. a) She does whatever it takes to read her man and keep herself both respected and likeable in his eyes. b) She does whatever it takes to find and keep her man likeable in her eyes. Both are required and relatively simple but not easy for a relationship expert.

Leave a comment

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, sex differences

2299. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — Guy’s PRiM: 11-20

Motto: PRiM is very proper, ‘cause he doesn’t drop her.

11. Don’t purposely change your personality for the sake of trying to please your man. Don’t try to change the relationship in a major way. Let the little events and interactions in life, such as described in this series, enable you to harmonize your personality with his and vice versa. Preventive maintenance and not management is the objective.

12. You are not his parent so be sure he doesn’t view you as acting like it. Neither nurturing nor mothering a good husband make.

13. Trust your man and make sure he knows it. Trust as in produce, protect, provide, and problem solve. Frequently confirm your dependence on his accomplishments, achievements, and especially recoveries. Silence about sexual cheating implies trust. The path to his fidelity follows this thinking. He convinces himself that your general trust reflects deep respect and gratitude in all that he does, and he doesn’t want to lose that. IOW, he enjoys living up to you as the more all-together person, although he can never admit it in those terms.

14. Don’t disturb your man when he’s intensely focused on doing something. Interruptions disturb his self-admiration, which motivates him in the first place, and may slow achievement of self-satisfaction, which motivates him to finish the current task. IOW, interruptions disturb the two major motivational forces that drive him to do everything that he does or feels responsible for. Subliminally, disturbances and interruptions insinuate that you don’t think much of him as a man, at least not one valuable enough to let him finish what he set out to do. Subliminally again, you think you know better. (Near-emergencies exempted of course.)

15. Try to get this agreement before you marry. Together you will pray and read the bible daily. Set some goals. You may have to coach him gently to get him started. But after days and days of success (practice), he may surprise you.

16. He deserves you and what you bring to the table that makes life so enjoyable for both, and not the other way around. If you act like you deserve whatever he does on your behalf or to please you, then you undo another bolt that holds closed his door to the outside of your relationship.

17. As soon as possible take the focus off every little problem that arises. Resolve at whatever the cost to you and shift the subject before bitterness can emerge. Focus on what makes you more likeable to him and him more likeable to you. Your efforts that enable him to recover make your likeability sparkle, which diverts attention and takes the heat away from disagreement.

18. Don’t complain to anyone about his habits, frailties, or mistakes. If you need help, ask others for it without knocking him in the process. When you complain about him, it programs your heart against and weakens your own interest in him. Such changes in you are detectable by him, which tends to make you less likeable. Even worse, your girlfriends could spread what you say and his reputation gets to him and back to you.

19. Don’t compare him to other men, because he will lose and feel defeated or win and stop improving himself. Compare him to himself and how far he has come. [from Anita at 2298]

20. Feminine superiority lies within this thought: She doesn’t have to outfight him. She can outsmart him—as long as he’s unaware. She can out maneuver him—as long as he’s willing to pay her price. Her nature puts her in charge so long as she stays in feminine character and permits him the same in masculine character. Success requires her patience and liking of him, plus his liking of her patience, understanding, forgiveness, and hopefully—but not likely—forgetfulness.


Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, sex differences

2298. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — Guy’s PRiM: 1-10


Motto: PRiM is very proper, ‘cause he doesn’t drop her.

  1. You are entitled to a dignified role within the relationship, family, and home. Insist on it early; don’t let it creep away from you. Dignity enhances respect, which is essential for man to love woman.
  2. Eliminate blame from the home and family. Chop off that pointy finger. It erects defensive barriers and stirs relationship competition that men intend to always win. Also, the receiver of blame immediately dislikes the finger owner regardless of accuracy or what’s deserved.
  3. Eliminate bitterness wherever it appears in your home. Don’t allow it to persist or grow, especially in yourself. It stinks up the family atmosphere and ultimately produces the same effects as blame except it works slower and is more deadly for both marriage and family.
  4. First thing every day get control of yourself and your life before you encounter family who is up and about. Mirror time starting at post 2123 describes the best way to do it. If you don’t “own” yourself and control your role in your world, you won’t be able to manage both your day and those you should to your or their satisfaction.
  5. Sour leaders beget sour followers. Look endlessly for ways to be grateful for yourself first, mate second, and others third. Gratefulness is the essence of your happiness, and that is the essence of the happiness of females and satisfaction of males in your immediate family.
  6. If you’re not the family’s model for giving, taking will become habitual for most other family members.
  7. Raise your daughters so that father is extremely proud of them. Pristine behavior and strong character are the traits most admired by fathers.
  8. Treat him as if he’s more intelligent than you. It’s ego-stroking that he needs. But he can easily persuade himself that you have the superior brainpower when he doesn’t have to face that fact directly.
  9. Demand nothing of anyone (except over safety issues with children). You’re wonderfully prepared to influence others with feminine charm, persuasion, and patience—to demand belittles you as lacking personal calmness, influence, and conviction that you expect others to heed you.
  10. The softer your voice, the better everyone listens. The better they listen, the better they hear. They better they hear, the better you get your way.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, sex differences

2297. Preventive Relationship Maintenance — 03: Choices

The first two articles in this series boil down to this. The actions associated with preventive relationship maintenance (PRiM) invest a person into whatever is being maintained; their actions program their heart to be more emotionally connected. Her investment in PRiM enables her to harmonize his heart with hers and vice versa.

But men don’t do relationship management or maintenance. They don’t or can’t think that way. She has to do it all, but that’s good; it puts her in control just as she wants to be. This natural blessing belongs to each woman. The better she does PRiM, the more she follows her feminine nature and vice versa. IOW, PRiM is very natural but it works only under the condition described next.

It’s a female blessing if she does it all primarily and unselfishly on their behalf, ‘us’ before her. If she does it for herself primarily and selfishly, it causes her to drift away from him. He detects that he’s much less important in her heart, so the same happens to him. Two drifters sooner or later make one separation.

Mutual and reciprocal responsibility to each other also play a vital role. But their responsibilities are very different, are they not? If he can’t be effective at relationship maintenance, he can’t be held responsible at least for that. So, what is he responsible for? Traditionally, it’s been producing/providing/protecting/problem solving.

What else does wife expect to add? Can she get away with it? She expects him to nurture children? Keep house? Accept her earning more income than he? Sacrifice his interest for her career? Expecting him to act contrary to his nature may sometimes work, but the awkwardness generates pressures that she may or may not be able to handle and thus keep him around.

It’s tough enough with provide and protect. If she takes away his authority, belittles his ability, or interferes with his discretion for fulfilling his responsibility as he sees it, she poisons his interest for pleasing her and reverses his motivation to do his duty. Moreover, he can’t be held accountable because she disturbs or takes away his control, which prevents him from performing to his satisfaction, which makes him wonder why he does it anyway. (He’s born to earn satisfaction; she’s born to earn happiness.)

No doubt exists but that PRiM requires multiple strategies and tactics and a myriad of actions and choices that have to be matched with confirming words. All of it tailored to fit the individuals within each couple. Since men can’t put all those things together and produce an effective relationship, all those things must then be the responsibility of women.

Blame and successful relationship maintenance are mutually exclusive. Upon that foundation, let me define maintenance terms.

  • Poor maintenance is whatever she does that disappoints him about her, that registers within him as her being less likeable. Examples: irritants, criticism, belittling him, weakening his authority, role reversal, etc. (OTOH, he’s aware and learns to live with her shortcomings that he recognized during courtship, so they don’t contribute much to poor maintenance. Unless she’s a flake who doesn’t even try to improve.)
  • Good maintenance is whatever it takes for her to recover from whatever negative pressures have built in their relationship. IOW, she identifies a problem and manages to find a way to alleviate it without getting bitter or passing blame to him. (If he frequently or continually blames her for little or no reason, she screened and chose poorly. It’s another problem for another time.)
  • Preventive maintenance is the combination of strategies, tactics, and techniques that she uses habitually that generate very few negative but plenty of positive effects that sustain her likeability and encourage him to like living with her better and better.

Within preventive maintenance are hundreds of little techniques of care and caring that women know too little about. They know full well how to nurture, but it doesn’t work with their man; it’s insulting. OTOH, preventive maintenance has pretty much the nurturing result but it’s delivered with eagerly accepted and highly approved respect rather than insult.

The female nature urges women to do the best they can with what they have where they are at. If they don’t know what to do, they do too little and it has a negative effect on their man and relationship.

The character Debbie Reynolds played in the movie Divorce American Style used economic terms to confirm and promise husband (played by Dick Van Dyke) that reversing their divorce would be successful. They would just work it out this way: She would supply what he demanded.

The movie scene implies but doesn’t continue with this thought, but it applies here. PRiM reduces his need to demand of her, which reduces her need to supply to him, which increases their ability to get along without applying undue pressure on each other.

Now, if you interpret all the above the same way I do, keeping her man depends on how she preventively maintains their relationship. Since men know nothing about relationship management, what are they expected to do? Be ideal husbands regardless of what their wives do? No, they just fall in line with however she orchestrates their togetherness, and she does it best with PRiM.

Therefore, I propose to compile and post a large list of strategies, tactics, and techniques that women can use to do preventive maintenance. We could ask men for input but the responses would be, “Don’t do this, don’t do that, she changed into another woman, I can’t stand for her to ….”

I think the PRiM list should include input from blog followers who pride themselves on what they’ve found to be successful. Either do’s or don’ts but what you have found that registers successfully with your man, that makes him like you better to live with. Be thinking about it and send comments as you desire.

Where I can, I’ll explain why the particulars work or might work better. The PRiM list begins next.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, sex differences