- Women are made to always have purpose in life. If they lose or run out of it, they keep looking until they find new reason for living. Men are not energized the same. If they lose it, they tend to live silently with lack of purpose and spiral downward toward the dregs and attracting more discontent along the way. Thus, women have greater recovery ability than do men.
- We’re all born with the potential to love another but no better than we love ourselves. Consequently, the higher one’s self-esteem, the greater one’s potential to love and the lower the lesser.
- Single moms easily fall prey to treating an only son as her primary love and nurture-object. It’s unhealthy for him and haunts other women in his adult life. Children respond better when taught in the tweens what causes mistakes and constitutes misery in an adult’s life and are then enabled to decide how they can and will avoid it as they parade into and through the teens. Teach the WHAT as leaders do and not the HOW as managers do. (Definition: The tweens extend from first grade through puberty.)
- Women don’t feel guilty over the attention/affection/gifts they receive. Four reasons why they deserve every bit of it: They are pretty, able to provide sex, capable of delivering babies, and need to feel important. External confirmations are welcome and needed frequently to reinforce all the above.
- Many a mom has trouble forgiving her son for growing up. She’s certain he can’t do without her nurturing love, because she’s certain she can’t live without delivering it. So, she often continues to mother him even into his married life. Very ‘ungood’ for his marriage.
- Women double down when they dress down. Pretty goes down. Standards go down. Self-confidence goes down. Self-image goes down. Other-centeredness goes down. Pride goes down. Why? You care less for yourself when you care less about others and vice versa.
Category Archives: Dear daughter
- Good reason exists to steer clear of men that act dictatorial; who expect total submission. Such men hate themselves and can’t truly love anyone. They insist on total submission and seek a submissive woman. If she fights back he respects her more, provided she wins without his getting violent. If she whimpers and shuts up, she loses respect. Submission both shows and reinforces his sense of significance, which is constantly confused and embroiled with self-hatred.
- They separate and seek divorce. She thinks yielding sex will make ex more agreeable to her or their kids. Wrong! His respect for her will weaken further, although his suggestions or pleas may sound otherwise. The weaker his respect, the weaker his interest in negotiating fairly much less equitably.
- The most reliable path to marital resurrection is for the ex-husband to be refused sex so long as they are separated. Her persistent refusals can re-earn his respect and rekindle his interest in her as the woman he first married. The wise woman also insists he demonstrate re-dedication by retaking their vows in public.
- The need of self-importance in females works much like the need of self-admiration in males. Women are ambitious for what makes them important in life (aka relating with others as friend, spouse, mother, et al.). Men are ambitious for producing results (aka conquering females, competing, providing, protecting, problem solving).
- A wife’s thoughts that husband is inferior to other men plants toxic seeds in her thinking from which emerge destructive relationship pressures. Thoughts of his superiority add to her ability to build harmony.
- Being vehicles of the radical political left, Feminism and political correctness spread by exploiting immature people. They’re crushed under the wheels of mature sense made common by political ideology.
What is female love? How does it work? As expressed by a woman’s heart, it’s a process that flows two ways. For discussion here, I describe it in three relations: wifely, motherly, and friendly. While her expressions of love emitting from her heart are the same but of different intensities, what returns to her makes the difference.
A woman is born to both love and be loved. Without the latter, however, the former doesn’t last. Her incentives fade with disappointment when her love goes only one way, out without return. Unrequited love confirms to her at least that she’s not as important as she expects or wants to be. She can give love without it being returned by the love object, but love of her must reside in background for her to continue.
Wifely love is that love exchanged with a man who is or about to be husband. It starts with romantic love, which has a lustful base. When that fades, enduring love arises and she expects it to be returned with a reasonably equal intensity. It seldom happens that way as men are naturally unable to love a woman as intensely as women can love a man. He can be absolutely essential to her well-being, but men seldom reach that status with a woman, unless his devotion is especially high.
In any event, equally loved does not exist. He does not love with her intensity; she does not love with God’s intensity when it’s God’s love she depends upon for reciprocity (e.g., tending to a homeless shelter).
However, she has to see her love reciprocated or it sours. Therein lies a very common female ailment of the heart. It leads women to make many and humongous mistakes dealing with both self and men. The less love they receive from their man, the more blame they take upon themselves. And so she tries to love harder or more assertively in order to stir her man to love her better. It doesn’t work.
Without love being shown to her at the level she desires or expects, her ability to love weakens, so trying harder merely works against her. Trying harder but fruitlessly, her love turns sour rather than more intense.
Only reciprocated love solves relationship problems. However, many wives find relief and are satisfied that God’s love and their children’s love can be enough to sustain them, when and if their husband provides little or no love. It’s a natural accommodation they make to avoid doing without a man. When husband is missing, God’s love takes on a more important role in her life, if she is to find anything but misery.
Motherly love is different; the one who gave birth can love offspring without reciprocity. Pregnancy and giving birth program a mother’s heart for not just enduring but eternal love of child. There is a big difference between wifely and motherly love, but husbands don’t know that and many mothers don’t know how to compensate their husbands. It’s not natural that either sex recognize the difference, and so they don’t recognize the implication.
As mother senses husband’s love to weaken or be insufficient, she turns to her children for their love, which turns husband’s sense of her respect, gratitude, dependence away from him, which weakens her likeability and his love.
Whether children are present or not, if husband expects his wife’s full love and devotion to continue, he has to reward her. The simplest, easiest, and probably most effective are his frequent and convincing demonstrations of affection. It may not be all she expects, but a wife usually accepts affection as adequate sign that she’s loved, appreciated, and thus important for who and what she is to the one she loves.
Friendly love is that reserved for others. She doesn’t always expect it to be returned, especially not with the intensity of her love. God’s love and parental love back it up; she needs little or no reciprocity. She seeks to give love to others because inside she loves herself. It comes from Godly or parental ‘inheritance’ that generates plenty of self-love.
She is designed and energized to love herself as person, female, and whatever roles she chooses to fill with her free will. She’s vulnerable to be sidetracked and forget her own needs. It may energize her to try to love someone all the more noticeably. It doesn’t work, but many try anyway and find they went too far. Better she is to use her inborn hard-headedness and soft-heartedness to stay true to herself. Throwing her love on unworthwhile men, for example, leads to misery. Discretion of who to love is a vital part of female happiness.
At her own birth, she inherits the primal need for a brighter future and prime motivator to gain self-importance. They combine to energize her to use her love to advantage. That’s the base of what resides in the female heart. Aim for a brighter future by loving someone with fervor and permanence. What she gives in love will be returned; it’s a standing and natural belief that resides in the female heart.
Her love is actually the same life process that leads to female happiness. She has pleasant feelings about herself. It enables her to have the same feelings about someone else. Her sense of being grateful for herself enables her to show gratefulness for them. Her hopes cause pleasant feelings to arise in that someone, and she expects they will find her important in return. Expressing her love is actually pursuit to confirm her sense of self-importance, which is so essential to her happiness. Thus, loving others is critical to her finding happiness.
- Feminists altered masculine competition. Nowadays, men compete with women for sex, instead of competing with men for the best woman. Three major consequences: 1) Men don’t want just one woman; they want to conquer many, and success says why stop? 2) Women are pressured away from attracting a husband to attracting a boyfriend. Thus, men don’t have to rise up to husbandly standards and easily sink to living up to boyfriend standards, which helps with their conquering urges. 3) If men can’t have a sex object of some beauty, they don’t want a wife. All three items change social pressures to make women good primarily for sex and little else of greater value. Womanly virtues thus lose their worth.
- GIRLS WIN: A girl owns her masculine surroundings, when she charms objects of her rejection such that they gain rather than lose manly dignity. No one teaches girls this vital lesson for taming boys and men: Practice until she learns to treat every male the same. Show no favorites, because respect and mystery flow from her ability to do that. Accept it as appropriate for all boys to hit on her, but let them see nothing but female independence, feminine charm, and risk of losing her pleasant acceptance for anyone who even hints at sex with her. Also, discourage those boys most unattractive to girls with an appealing and appreciated special charm. As to boys and men with whom she has an interest, she’s only as worthy as the challenges up to which they must rise to gain her attention, hold her interest, and patiently await her intent to much later express her affection. When girls do that, as women they can handle any man in any circumstance and do it to her advantage.
- VIRTUE WINS: Men sense feminine virtue as close to virginity but more accurately as quality of character. An aura of virtue surrounds the woman that respects the male gender, likes herself as female, adheres to uniquely feminine standards, makes herself modestly and even mysteriously attractive to men, and shows gratefulness for her life and all in it. Such virtue makes her respectable and likeable and thus marry-able (aka the ultimate virtue). However, men base final judgment to marry on the perception of other men missing out on sex with her. Consequently, it takes virtual virginity to generate feminine virtue sufficient for proposals of marriage.
- Virtual virginity is her strategy. To her it means that a man must work and earn the next opening in her bed. That is, pay her commitment price to ignore her sexual history, please her ego, and be seen as having promise to fulfill her hopes and dreams. And even that may not be enough. Without mentioning it as a requirement, wiser women may insist to themselves on marriage.
It’s all relative. Society doesn’t stand still, and women set the standards.
Old school. Women seek marriage before sex. When a woman denies sex to the man, he doesn’t take rejection personally. He blames the rejectionist for moral, religious, or female hang-ups, which assuages his ego. His self-esteem and self-image don’t take unrecoverable hits. He understands that women are in charge of sexual assets and standards surrounding their use, if he hopes to ever succeed in his chase. His self-interest keeps him in pursuit of sex targets without a spirit of wanting to punish for rejection. He can live with her refusals and can enlarge his determination because of it.
New school. When most females provide free, open, and casual sex with little or no commitment, males take rejection personally. A boy or man knows she’s doing it with other guys but not him. Why just him? His self-esteem bottoms out. His self-image as a ‘good man’ with a woman dwindles. His ego takes a humongous hit after his imagination ruminates over her put down. His self-interest shifts toward revenge mode. The spirit of wanting to punish for rejection blossoms in his mind if not his heart.
Some males cannot recover one and much less repeated refusals. Rejections can spin boy or man toward awful revenge—think stalkers, school massacres, date rapists, serial rapists. They can’t escape blame, but the source of stimulation lies with cultural values that encourage free and easy sex.
- The smart wife recognizes her and hubby’s domains are different; she stays out of his and find ways to persuade him to stay out of hers. Divided responsibility can be lived with, but amicably shared responsibility isn’t likely because pressures cause it to breed spousal competition, at which men are determined to win.
- The culprit is the feminist challenge to male dominance, the hormone challenge that divides the sexes. It requires outside help in the form of politics and public pressure to help prove women right and men wrong. In non-politicized life, both are right and wrong; harmonious mutual self-interest solves the problem.
- With her free will and ardent desire to get her way, feminine women see the nervy win as coming with submission now and doing battle some other time in some other way.
- He expects their home to be a bright and welcoming spot in his life. She’s available for sex, of course, but that’s not all. He may expect her cooperation in high jinks, fun, games, and noise at his instigation. But when he wants peace and quiet, he expects her to take charge and produce it. IOW, he expects to reign but listens to his queen when she makes more sense than complaints.
- Husband is direct in expressing feelings and opinions. He expects wife to be the same, but it’s a trap of unknown origin. Her nature and early experience living with him teach her to be otherwise—indirect to present her position on matters, patient about considerations and decisions, and submissive in spirit in order to eventually get her way. Spontaneity is good mostly for fun and games with him. If well balanced over time, he comes to believe that she’s very wise and satisfying.