Category Archives: Dear daughter

2164. Dating in Mid-life — Part C2: Dating Woman’s Manifesto


Turn on your grins, ladies. I know you can’t or won’t follow what I suggest below. I offer it as the fun side of preparating for mid-life dating. It describes what a woman should get clear between her and date before she falls prey to his charm or her infatuation and desire for next date. Every potential date should be exposed to a woman’s standards.

I know it’s far too direct for your taste. However, I view it as the ideal way to make dropouts of those primarily chasing sex, and throw up challenges for the guys truly interested in you. The former will be shocked and retreat. The latter will fall back, recover from their discomfort, compose themselves, revise their thinking, and begun to pursue you earnestly.

Were I in your shoes and asked for a first date, I would simply pass the following in a note and tell him to call me in a week.

  1. Promptness signifies respect. Tardiness signifies that your convenience outweighs my importance. Tsk, tsk.
  2. You pay or we don’t play. If not fair, who is to care?
  3. I don’t go to yours or anyone’s apartment, and we won’t spend time in mine for awhile.
  4. I will be home by midnight except for formal events that may run over. Barhopping isn’t formal.
  5. I don’t kiss like in TV and flicks. If we get there, be sure to kiss tenderly and affectionately. Kiss as a compliment rather than faux passionately to impress me. Or else, keep lips and tongue to yourself.
  6. We both have A.D.D. Mine is affection deficit disorder. Yours is affection delivery disorder. Mine is incurable. Yours is self-curable.
  7. Erogenous zones are accessible by invitation only.
  8. Men are never more handsome than when pleasing a lady.
  9. Of course I like you. Do you think I’d be giving you this if I didn’t?
  10. I don’t want a Mr. Right. You may, however, turn out to be Mr. Good Enough. Willing to try?
  11. Incidentally, no ring, no booty.
  12. Still interested? If you need more info than my phone number (xxx-xxx-xxxx), we are not compatible enough for the date you just requested.

Think: How effective would your screening and dating have been if it were used earlier in life?

By now you should be alternately laughing yourself silly and wishing that you were brave enough to do it. You see the merit but it’s so contrary to both your experience and nature.

Here’s the real message for dating: You should early-on convey your standards to your dates. Don’t leave them wondering. They will follow their instinct and intuition and you will find yourself overwhelmed with situations you can’t resolve to your advantage without paying too big a price.

This is one of the more fun posts I’ve written. I dreamed it last night and typed the rough at 2am. I continue to enjoyably imagine the awkwardness women would have passing such a manifesto to a dating prospect. I’m still grinning big time. You should be too.

 

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2157. Dating in Mid-life — Part B1: You Gotta’ Know the Territory


Her Highness MeowMeow at 2153 asked about dating in one’s fifties. I expand it to ages 30 to 60 and deepen it to include developing (but not maintaining) a lifetime relationship. After all, that’s the unspoken objective and endless dream behind all dating for women in mid-life.

Some women too easily, however, give up before they exhaust the blessings they inherit at birth. They shouldn’t. Hope springs eternal from the heart of a woman, and by God’s design it enables you to make your world turn in your favor. Born to be happy, you earn it as you find and expand your gratefulness while searching, capturing, and relating with a man. Hopefully he’s valuable and beneficial for your mellowing lifestyle. But if he’s no better than adequate, it’s no reason to give up. You’re powerfully skilled to improve a relationship that starts out short of perfect.

Age doesn’t matter before first date if you exploit your relationship expertise. You aim at success. It calls for you to exploit your own strengths, compensate for your weaknesses, make the most of new man’s strengths, and ignore his weaknesses long enough to learn to also compensate for them. The female heart is wonderfully designed and powerfully blessed to exploit strengths and weaknesses and do it well. After learning, of course, and avoiding discouragement from the few or even more mistakes made along the way.

It all may sound too complex to fathom, but my role is to make the process simpler so you can make it easier for yourself and more meaningful for the next man in your life. I present this series in four major sections: a) the children (posted at 2156 and more to follow), b) relationship development process, c) your role, and d) the roles of men.

Relationship Development Process.

Others talk endlessly about the dating scene. Most women’s interest at every age, however, is about what dating leads to. It’s the start up to merging two or more lives together harmoniously and hopefully for life. So, all about dating that follows is designed to help women develop relationships that lead to permanency. All else is folderol or fun and games and irrelevant here.

By nature women are processors; they keep things going. Men are producers; they find satisfaction in making single events and results come out as intended. First date is a production and belongs to the man. Second date begins the relationship development process and your involvement. Being a series of events, dating one guy or many, the process works to the woman’s advantage or she’s not doing it right. That’s why women float along under the stewardship of each individual dater; return engagements are best produced by not driving the bus. Men are willing to deliver one date at a time, because they hope with minimal obligation to discover what price they must eventually pay to get you in bed.

You all know this but—especially during passionate moments—it’s inconvenient to remember it. Men date to associate and work up to getting sex. Women date to develop a lasting relationship. They compete. Each tries to sell the other on their agenda. He works directly but tries to disguise it with dynamic selling of himself. You work indirectly, and it takes you much longer to sell a man on your agenda. If you can’t find time and reason to hold him off and complete your sale, you yield first time sex and he wins and you may or may not lose him. What happens after his conquest is unknown until after it happens. He changes, and then you find out how accurate and true were his words. How he really, truly feels about you—or doesn’t. You take all the risk or you don’t get very far.

Unfortunately, that’s the only way for you to uncover a man’s intentions. Wait to see his actions and believe what he does after your first sex together, and locked in marriage is optimal. After his momentous conquest outside of marriage, he will be a changed man. He also takes charge of your sexual agenda as conqueror’s right, and you become keeper, booty, or dumpee. You don’t know which until the time comes, unless you have delayed conquest long enough for his devotion to you alone to have developed. That means months at least and perhaps a year or more of courtship.

Romantic love is often a scene stealer, disguiser of truth. It may or may not contribute to the enduring love that you hope will follow after romantic love fades a year or two after conquest.

Over the first few decades of life, the youthful attitudes of both sexes change. Out of unsuccessful relationships and soured marriages, the genders shy away from closeness except often for the mutual comfort of sex. But sex doesn’t bond men, only women.

Consequently, you are more interested than men for developing a relationship, and it generates three burdens for you in the dating arena. You have to virtually ignore risks to your feelings, learn to proceed cautiously, and have to earn the respect of each man you date. Moreover, development works best when you neither explain yourself or your feelings directly, nor try to convince him of your love with words. He believes much more easily what he figures out for himself.

You have to earn a permanent relationship. You do so by actions that show new man that he’s admired and favored over others. Oh, not on first date but both later and by indirectness. It enables him to see promise in you that can and likely will help fulfill his present life and future ambitions.

From day one you should claim these truths as part of your attitude. Men stay married when they sense themselves rewarded and admired for husbanding, fathering, and believing that only they can do as well at what they do best. That is, produce, provide, protect, and problem solve for those to whom they accept responsibility.

During dating and courtship, you should get your mind and heart wrapped around how to do your part in that scenario. After marriage is too late to start. Without it being habitual in your heart before marriage, the glow of bridal success will keep your focus elsewhere and thus hold you back. The absence of admiration, respect, dependence, and gratefulness for his presence in your life are toxic to a marriage, and so should be developed in courtship.

Men date for fun and games and put sex at the top of the priority list. When you don’t have a plan to follow, it releases men to follow their interest, which inevitably doesn’t work well for you. Expecting to develop a relationship, you do best when you have solid intentions that are more important in your heart than having a date or dates (more later about a plan).

That’s the territory. Now, let’s talk about the value of chaste courtships that fall automatically out of chaste dates and the promise of more chastity. It’s coming tomorrow at #2158.

 

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2146. Compatibility Axioms #661-670


  1. Virtual virginity is all about earning greater respect. A man’s enduring love—the kind of devotion that survives infatuation, lust, and romantic love that inevitably fade—is founded most deeply on respect that she earns and devotion that develops in his heart from the actions he takes to please her repeatedly, primarily if not all before conquest. [231]
  2. Nothing focuses a man’s mind so assertively on changing a woman’s mind than continued refusals for their first sex together. Continued refusals either earn his respect or departure, and that’s the only way she can find out what he’s after primarily—her or sex. [231]
  3. Trying harder and harder for conquest focuses his attentions on her. Looking for weaknesses, he uncovers her strengths, qualities, and virtues. Over time, it convinces him she is more worthy of his time, effort, and personal investment. Long courtships breed more of his investment opportunities for her to seal the connections. [231]
  4. His dominance will always be present or threatening, but greater mutual respect upgrades her opinions and enhances her influence. [231]
  5. When men have to make arrangements for their own meals, whatever woman pushes them to have to do it becomes more easily disposable. [232]
  6. Manly boredom and female attractiveness do not show up together. A man always enjoys looking at an attractive, pleasant looking female. When his woman looks sloppy and uncaring, boredom does set in and his interest goes elsewhere—perhaps to looking for something more attractive. [232]
  7. Men graciously live with the exaggeration that a man’s home is his castle. But it happens most reliably when his woman exploits her relationship expertise, showers him with gratitude, and recognizes him as head and her as neck of the family. Anything less is not a castle, and there’s a certain manly satisfaction looking for it somewhere else. [232]
  8. Men highly value feminine virtue, qualities they admire, because the promise of eventual conquest adds honor to his manly persona and significance. [232]
  9. Men intend to make themselves admirable (primarily to themselves) and their life significant (usually above all else). [232]
  10. Men love working or doing what they feel compelled to do. The most reliable men turn their life into loveable work both at home and on the job. (There’s an old saying, Show me a man that loves his job and I’ll show you a man that never has to go to work.) [232]

 

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2145. Unisex Fails Women


It’s been happening for half a century through six or seven generations of females, each of which seeks its own identity with a different lifestyle from previous ones.

Women possess some male hormones, and I use testosterone merely as example. Hormones respond to behavior. The more masculine-like is female behavior, the higher the level of Big T. The higher the level, the more masculine they act in response, so hormones and behavior trigger more of the other and spiral upward making women more like men. The reverse is true too. The more feminine women behave, the less T floods their body and the less they act like men.

Most men want to marry a virtuous woman, but she’s not virtuous enough unless she’s fascinating to him. Except for sexual potential, men see little or no fascination in women who act like men. Such women possess too few of the virtuous qualities that fascinate men.

Consequently, over 50 or so years women migrated from potential mates to undesirables for permanent relationships. They depend on romantic love to support their relationships. It fades in a year or two after conquest, and men are free to move on to another sex object, if they didn’t move on before.

The unisex movement is political and sprang out of Feminism. Ergo, feminist thinking, theory, and belief are responsible for short duration of marriages. But it’s really not that simple; that’s just the foundation. Unisex politics convinced women they should act more like men, which flooded them with more testosterone, which brought out more self-centered female aggressiveness that men find unpleasant, which cost women much of their non-sexual fascination, which lured men into sex-only relationships, which brought about the shortening of marriages.

The more feminine that women behave, the more likely they appear fascinating to men, and the more likely men see promise in them as lifelong mates. They are made that way in order to live compatibly with each other.

 

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2144. Your Men Like That?


Ladies, are the boys and men in your life, past and present, like they claim of themselves as listed in Manly Claims from Birth? It’s shown near blog top on home page. What women haven’t heard yet needs to be disclosed as accurately and completely as possible.

The WWNH blog audience craves to know. Can women ever really understand men? After all, the better that women understand men, the easier for men to accept only what relationship experts want to disclose about themselves as females.

‘B’ means believable if you agree. ‘U’ means unbelievable if you don’t agree. I hope you can find the time to comment by any or all of the numbers. Each response is both invitation and incentive to clarify accuracy and find more truths.

Guy

 

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2143. Attention, Ladies


I finished the male counterpart of Female Blessings at Birth. New title: Manly Claims from Birth. It’s posted in the navigational menu at blog top.

All feedback welcome, disagreements too.

Guy

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2142. Motherhood and Jobs


A favorite author wrote something last year that is very worthy of being republished each year. So, I recommend it to you ladies.

Read the following but don’t thank me. Pass your affirming feedback to her on her blog.

The quality of her work can bless every woman; it’s a clear reminder of the potential worth of woman, when she follows her nature rather than pop culture. Perhaps it can be used to educate a man or two.

http://generationalwomanhood.org/2014/04/08/telling-the-truth-about-motherhood/

Guy

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