- A man is willing to change to keep what he has won or achieved, and the more devoted the more likely he will change to keep it. A man is NOT willing to change to get what he wants in a relationship (although he may fake it to enable conquest).
- The unexpected selfish and self-absorbed demands of a woman can crush a man’s devotion, especially if it’s a dramatic change from the gal he married.
- Women are willing to change to get what they want, such as a man. They are unlikely, however, to change to keep what they’ve won, earned, or been given. Instead, they want more without their having to change while eagerly expecting others to change. (Example: New bride expects husband to approach boss for a raise in order to pay off her student loans or the honeymoon.)
- The good wife exploits her cooperative spirit, patience, and indirectness to keep husband satisfied with himself. Enough years of that and he becomes Mr. Right in her eyes. It may take a couple of decades, but she does it by following her feminine nature more than expecting him to change. (A man loves it when he’s more grateful of her than of himself. Mr. Right readily admits that he couldn’t have done without her.)
- The natural dominance of men means they get their way with least effort. Physical and mental determination promote the easier path. Women are born as the superior gender. It enables but also burdens them to show men how to love and live well (except concerning his job).
- Female love can melt male domination in a man devoted to her. His wife drives the marital bus to his satisfaction, which makes unnecessary the need for husband to impose his dominance.
Category Archives: Dear daughter
Both sexes are born to get their way associating with others. Consequently, competition arises as the primary motivational force in human interaction. When a couple actively competes to resolve disagreements or issues, the man tends to win. It’s his inborn nature not to lose to a weaker force. He pushes to win with ambition backed up by strong desire to not lose should winning escape him.
Women recognize their inferior position in straight-up competition, and so they find strength elsewhere. By replacing competition with cooperation in a relationship, women tend to get their way much more often. Thus, the weaker sex strengthens itself. By doing so, girls and women more easily disrupt or thwart male-female competition. Girls learn the art so early in life that it acts as part of their nature; it can be seen even among toddlers.
Men push hard to get their way when competing, but they don’t relish competing with their woman or wife. They fear losing, and so they are susceptible to female cooperation. When women use cooperation and let men win in short-run matters, it enables them to win in the long run by shaping future decisions to more easily get their way. Upcoming opportunities add pressure for her to more easily yield on current issues and figure out how to shape the long range together such that she wins later.
Over time and with practice, a wife’s sense of cooperation to get her way can overcome husband’s expectation that dominance, authority, and command will get his way. Women have the relationship expertise and a bedrock principle empowers their nature—she enables him to rule on present day issues, and she shapes their future together to enable her to rule on upcoming matters. Moreover, the more she focuses her daily life thinking about future events and expectations, the better prepared she is to prevent some disagreements and relationship disruptions from ever arising.
That bedrock principle provides the superior gender with endless opportunities to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver the dominant gender. When adopted by women, it enables them to dominate relationships in the background. Foreground seems occupied by husband and wife, but wife and mother surround husband/father with helpful negotiating pressures operating in background, many of which he may be unaware.
Women give a little now to get a lot later. For men, however, the urge to dominate present-day issues squelches consideration about the long run. Men figure they can handle whatever comes when it comes, and women gain the planning advantage.
Going further, ever-smarter wives persuade husbands to collaborate, in which case both sides yield enough that both win routinely.
Compete, cooperate, and collaborate. Men can and do specialize in doing the first. The drive to get her way urges women to dodge the first and focus on the latter two. It’s another part of how the superior gender lives compatibly with the dominant gender, since both expect to get their way in matters of mutual interest.
- The more self-respectingly and graciously she repeatedly defeats a man’s attempts to get her into bed the first time, the more charmingly he treats and deliberately pursues her. Denial means he must try harder. Most men do if they find her more attractive than sister females.
- The more deliberately a man pursues an unconquered woman, the deeper his investment of self. As pleasing her continues and with his thinking it will make her yield sooner, his actions slowly morph into devotion. That is, the first and most coagulating step toward a man loving a woman. In background, his actions program his heart to favor her over others.
- As a man deliberately seeks to uncover a woman’s weakness to facilitate their first sex together, he discovers qualities that he can admire. Each is a virtue, and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. The longer she holds out, the more virtuous she appears.
- Women know instinctively and intuitively how to indirectly reveal their best qualities. What a man figures out carries more weight than what she tells him. Personal comfort, independence, informality, and familiarity work against her. Mirror time, modest attire, mystery, and friendliness work for her.
- In men, self-pride is an outgrowth of inborn self-respect reinforced by accomplishments and female attention. In women, self-like is an outgrowth of inborn self-love reinforced by relationship success and male attention. If it sounds too obscure, think of this. Self-pride and self-like motivate men and women respectively to be more open and outgoing with each other.
- Every man expects to be appreciated by most women for who he is and what he does. It can make men obnoxious, and the woman who likes herself greatly as a woman can put up with such men. She can overlook faults to find blessings. Mirror time and dressing up enables her to like herself more and thereby find men much more tolerable or acceptable than obnoxious.
- When a woman gives her attention to every man seeking to talk, she demonstrates respect for the male gender, which makes more men pay more attention to her. A man can easily become envious and be challenged to pursue a woman, when he sees another man use manly talking points to hold her attention.
- Until she earns his respect, a man expects to ignore her or dominate their dialogue. Unless he’s just after sex, he doesn’t care to associate if she doesn’t respect him, and she demonstrates it best by just listening.
- Men respect women two ways. 1) According to how well each female denies a man’s conquest. The more denials over extended time, the more respect she earns and it lasts for his life. It’s natural programming that has the effect of being hardwired. It doesn’t mean he will stay with her, however, just respect her. 2) According to her accomplishments, both what and how well, that he can admire.
- When a man is satisfied with his marriage, he is satisfied with himself for having chosen that way of life. Her love helps, but it’s not the linchpin motivator that she thinks it is.
- When a man is satisfied with both his wife and living with her, he is satisfied that he chose well. Her love helps, but it’s not the kingpin that she thinks it is.
- A husband may remain devoted enough to stay with his wife as she changes—e.g., appearance, personality, likeability, loyalty—from the gal to whom he proposed. But his devotion may weaken, and he finds it more difficult to ignore the attractive but unconquered women everywhere. After all, a man’s urge to conquer lasts for life, and other attractions can bring new accomplishments and satisfactions to displace marital disappointments.
- Women share self-love but men don’t share self-respect; it must be earned. Women only have to show sincere interest in a man to start earning it. He quickly presumes she would also be interested in his greatness, and he proceeds if she will listen attentively, which he interprets as respectfully. It’s how women meet men successfully. He talks, she listens.
- If females want to do better, they should be much quieter about themselves. Full disclosure kills mystery and nullifies challenges. Women improve both performance and luck by being reluctant to talk about themselves while showing sincere interest in each man.
- Men tire easily when listening to women who seldom stop. As if they have ADHD, their mind wanders away or to something they want to say. Sensitive women learn how to compensate.
- Poor communication is often cited for a couple’s problems. It’s result more than cause. Personality no longer likeable, unrespected mate, or mismatched self-interest is more likely the cause.
- Conquest stops a conquered woman earning any more of a man’s respect, the unconditional kind that lasts for life. He paid whatever price she demanded and expects to ‘own’ her and their sexual agenda.
Her Highness Lady Penny at post 2696 responded as below to these questions: “Why are we here? What did God design us for and expect us to accomplish in life? Or, if you don’t believe, what has evolutionary development prepared us for? Anything in particular?”
Her exposition shines so brightly that I post it with special recognition.
“Hi Sir Guy,
“I really appreciate the thought provoking questions you ask at the end of this post!
“I thought you and readers might find this dialogue of great interest too as it speaks to the questions you posed: http://www.mindofafox.com/site/the-legend/index.html
“I have contemplated your questions many times before without finding an answer. When I started reading and learning from this Blog however, tentative answers to questions I’ve wondered about started emerging. Including one to your questions.
“We are here to propagate the species. This is what God designed us for. He expects us to maintain the order of things as He designed them originally. Being God, however, He also gave us free will to decide if propagating the species is going to be within the boundaries of a marriage or outside it or if it is going to be an individual option at all. It is in women’s and children’s interest that our species is created and nurtured within a healthy marriage. Men and women have default settings/natures God gave them to live compatibility, as is stated on this blog, with each other. Most women, however, have enabled Feminism to unwittingly brainwash them (in universities, on TVs, etc.) and to distort the natural order of things. E.g. adopting masculine style sexual freedom of sleeping around and resultantly falling pregnant or going to sperm banks and conceiving children in that manner, etc. When humans deviate from the natural order of things as God designed, chaos can be expected and the species can drive itself out as a result.
“In what presently seems like the Darwinian jungle to me where survival of the fittest is the order of the day, it appears to this lady that those that adopt the Feminist mindset (the “fit” ones) are trying to drive out those that are against it (the “weak” ones) and those that are for God (the “weak” ones). Will they succeed? To me, the answer to that question depends on what the superior sex as a collective chooses to do with their free will… In the film, Hannah Arendt, Guy recommended to us in post 2363, Hannah says “the greatest evil in the world is created by nobodies, evil committed by men without motives, without convictions and demonic wills. By human beings who refuse to be persons. In refusing to be a person, Eichmann, surrendered the very thing that defined him as a human being. That thing being his ability to think for himself! Since he gave up this ability, he wasn’t capable of making moral judgements any more. This inability to think enabled many ordinary people like him, to commit evil deeds on a big scale. At the end of the film she expresses her hope that thinking will give people the strength and courage to prevent catastrophes in the rare moments when the chips are down”. The current war, inspired by the Left’s Feminist ideology, between the sexes seems to be a modern example of a rare moment that Hannah refers to in the movie. Since women have been “liberated from their aprons and their kitchens” how are we going to use our free will and our thinking ability to prevent catastrophes like the human species driving itself out and getting the order of things as God originally designed it, back on track for future generations to maintain? This blog contains a lot of the ammo…
“I admire your ability to come up with great questions such as these, Guy! I look forward to reading how you’re going to use our responses later.”
At post 2703 Her Highness SeekandFind triggered this article.
She inquired, “is the secret to marriage, from a woman’s point of view, making her husband feel important at all times, while subtlety maintaining her own self worth?”
My response: Close but not quite.
From the woman’s point of view, the secret to marriage is to do it all herself. Both seek to get their way with the other, but only she has the skill to balance the competition and make their relationship harmonious.
She makes her husband satisfied with himself—neither happy nor important, just satisfied is all he needs—for having chosen her and living with her. Having attained the skill to keep him satisfied with himself, it frees her to use free will and develop the home and family life aimed at fulfilling her girlhood dream.
As long as he’s satisfied living with her, he plays an adjunct involvement role. Even though he’s the ultimate boss, boasting of his ultimacy fades under her gracious charm, quick wit solving present-day problems, and stubbornness at keeping herself focused on brightening the future.
By doing all that, she makes herself important, finds happiness to the extent she does it gratefully, and spreads her love routinely and graciously to confirm her self-worth. It’s all in her nature to exploit, but she has to make their relationship stable and inseparable.
Here are a few more thoughts to help make the secret work for her.
- Does her importance satisfy him? Not really! It’s what she does with her sense of importance to enhance her abilities and those things that make husband proud to have her.
- Does showering him with her love satisfy him? Not really! He’s already satisfied; he accepted her love as adequate to ensure her loyalty before he ever proposed. He prefers being taken for granted rather than be inflicted with smother love.
- Do hints of her admiration satisfy him? Yes, he naturally assumes she admires him. Indirect mentions are all that is needed to confirm it. Trying too hard, such as when he’s depressed or lazy, doesn’t work well. Her motivation appears as effort to uplift him, which he interprets as effort to change him, which he resists and resents.
If he’s not worth her effort, they are not matched well. If she’s not worth his effort, she’s not doing it right.