Successful wives as relationship leaders initiate demands with subordinates and discussions with seniors to both set beliefs and change opinions. The following are more suggested examples worded quite differently from how readers would use them to fit their husbands and situations.
The following are some of the keys to unlock sensitive conditions that will likely arrive someday, and can be worked out with good discussions ahead of time. They are leadership opportunities for wife, and she talks here.
41. When both parents can give permission to children, kids learn to play one against the other. It’s natural and inspired by a child’s desire to get its way. But it plays havoc with my leadership when you unnecessarily substitute for or overrule me. Unless it’s not practical to reach me for permission, I ask that you defer and refer to me their questions seeking permission. To make yourself look good to them weakens my ability to raise them effectively into mature adults. How? Effectively having two bosses encourages them to spend non-productive time figuring out how to get something from you instead of earning it from me.
42. My ability to keep you satisfied depends on my success liking myself, who I am and what I’m doing. If I’m moaning, complaining, and generally in a state of confusion, it means I’ve lost the ability to like myself doing what I’m supposed to be doing. So, you play a major role in keeping me liking myself, and I appreciate it if you learn to read me more effectively.
43. Our differences make better marital glue than do our likenesses. But that’s a matter of opinion, and we can explore each other more adroitly if we discuss it.
44. Popularity is a hallmark among groups; personal competence is the hallmark among individuals. I much prefer the latter for our children. In the world of mature adults, competence outperforms popularity. It pays more too.
45. Women are born to be good; men are born capable of doing good. I must do good to be good. If I step on your toes trying to do good, forgive me until we can work out a suitable solution. Harmony in the home is my best way of doing good. I’m hopeful you will join me.
46. Women are famous for saying, I just want to be loved. Generally, men think about sex and whatever romance is required. They don’t know how extensive is the love women expect, so I will describe what usually works. Niceness, pleasantness, kindness, forgiveness, attention, affection, intimacy, support, respect in all the roles I fulfill, authority to make decisions, recognition of effort, praise for results.
47. Mother love is unconditional and mating love should be, but it’s not. Unconditional means no reasons arise that cause love to weaken. Weakened love turns conditional and depends on what you or I or someone else does. Unconditional mating love from me depends on unconditional respect from you.
The road to wifely leadership is paved with responsibility. Each family member knows clearly what they are responsible for, and they are held closely to that standard by the mom and wife. Examples: Husband’s job is his alone. He maintains the outside and wife maintains inside of the home. Girls are responsible to make themselves appear made up and pretty first thing each morning and help with breakfast. Boys are responsible for their rooms, tasks outside the home, and NOT to interfere with anyone else’s responsibility. No one goes topless at the dinner table, shirts required to eat her food. Many other chores and responsibilities exist and someone should assign each to one person, although several may do the same thing; e.g., table manners, help mom on request. However many ways wife can dissect the needs of operating a home satisfactorily for her husband, she should do so. And then rule over her domain with a loving but firm iron hand; see to it routinely that everyone does what he or she is supposed to do.
Wife and mom should start the process and make it habitual in toddler’s eyes, before they learn that peers don’t have to do such things.
This remains my favorite way to assign responsibility and supervise how well the parents are doing. Two roles for each but they have only one boss in each role. Wife reports to husband; she’s responsible to satisfy him with herself and their living together. Mom reports to herself as wife; she’s responsible to recognize that husband supervises wife and not her as mother. Father reports to mom as support and assistance for raising children; he’s primarily responsible for fun and entertainment with kids. Children report only to mother, and she’s responsible to ensure that kids have only one boss, herself.
There’s a great drawback. Women avoid assuming responsibility for fear of making mistakes. But you see, if they determine who’s responsible and supervise closely until habitual, they minimize mistakes. If she’s the boss, she decides just what are mistakes.
I close this series with a vital thought. The more powerful husband appears as ruler of his wife, the more powerful he appears to other family members. The less she calls on him for help or punishment of kids, the more powerful both parents appear as threats and thereby discourage disobedience.