Taking a couple of days off. Found something that may keep you occupied. Truth catches up in the most unusual ways, but it always emerges.
Taking a couple of days off. Found something that may keep you occupied. Truth catches up in the most unusual ways, but it always emerges.
A young woman dreams of and wrongly seeks Mr. Right. I say wrongly because she bypasses a deep screening of his worth to her. She just guesses about his intentions, he likely has to earn little to conquer her, and she will find he is someone else after that momentous event—perhaps that she’s not the keeper she dreamed of becoming.
If she acknowledges a man as her Mr. Right, her emotions make her heart flutter in the wrong way at the wrong time. Simply calling a man Mr. Right leads her to make many mistakes so she won’t lose him, but it happens anyway sooner or later and perhaps after marriage.
It’s not the guy either; her immediate willingness to commit and not lose him strikes a heart filled with too much infatuation. She too easily reverts to immature thoughts and adolescent-think that make her try too hard to be liked. It doesn’t work except by her yielding early sex and winning him temporarily.
If she craves fun, sex, games, and pleasure as her main interest to please him, she might think of a short marriage at best and none at worst. Romantic love fades in a year or two, but she expects it to continue. With childish infatuation she programmed herself for it to continue forever. She begins to detect undesirable changes in their relationship. She then tries too hard, feels desperate, and acts immature and superficial, and he becomes unworthy of her devotion.
It happens because men may like sex and fun, but they don’t marry for life the woman who lives that way. If not reality, her actions symbolize promiscuity and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. Mutual romantic love kept it hidden for a couple of years, and enduring love never developed. Now, she faces the error of her ways, if not before.
If she captured him, Mr. Right probably didn’t completely buy into her. Romantic love perhaps, but no devotion. Women like to talk. Men are not all that fond of listening to conquered women. She does best who learns to keep her talk interesting to him and try her best not to interrupt his thoughts. It’s not her, but him. Interrupting his thoughts show disrespect for who he is, albeit subliminal. It’s a natural conqueror’s right that loses its importance when she learns to be careful and considerate, or she took the time to allow his devotion to develop.
Not devoted to her, Mr. Right is sensitive to unlikeable behavior. The female nature guides a woman to cooperate with her man. He’s the competitor by nature and she’s not. However, situations cause women to get in husband’s face, argue to no end, and hope to put him down or embarrass him. It’s no good, ever.
Oh, she may win her battle or even deserve some revenge. But his male nature advises him not to take it for three reasons: 1) She may be right and thus beat him, and no self-respecting man loses to a woman. 2) Conqueror’s right ‘bought’ her cooperation and she lost her right to compete by his now ‘owning her’. 3) She’s very unlikeable as a mate when she fights against him, and loss of likeability reduces whatever of Mr. Right’s love has developed and short circuits his desire to stay with her.
There is only a Mr. Good Enough for the woman seeking a lifetime marriage, which means that he was well screened as worthy of her. An all important issue impacts whether he will ever become her knight in shining armor. Before his conquest, she’s in competitive mode and can convince him of how she lives and expects to continue in married life. She best lays the groundwork for submission during courtship, because after they marry, she has only what she negotiates and free will as defense. She has to think ahead to win the ability to make sound judgments where and with whom her benefits and advantages begin and end.
Mr. Right will likely arrive later in their marriage, if she begins with Mr. Good Enough. Lo and behold, within their relationship made happy by how she harmonized it over a couple decades, hubby becomes Mr. Right as her long hoped-for knight on white charger. How could she have lived without him?
As part of the female nature, and I think designed that way, women receive their most glorious rewards late in life for the good life they have led. OTOH, men receive their rewards early in life, and not necessarily for living the good life. They seldom acknowledge their satisfaction after many years of a good marriage, except when someone else brings it up and they can pass credit to their wife. After the midlife crisis, they can do it easily, but even then they usually don’t initiate such an admission. The most devoted men, however, find it easy to admit, which speaks well of her harmonizing their home and satisfying her man. Mr. Right is the finest tribute to her handiwork, when she ends rather than tries to start with him.
Note: If you seek more on the subject, five other articles have Mr. Right in the title on the CONTENT page.
NOTE: I was wrong yesterday, miscounted. This is the most popular article ever, posted in February 2011. Yesterday’s post, Exotic vs. ‘The Girl Next Door’ is in second place.
Teasing makes a woman smile and thereby prettier. Flirting makes a woman show an interest in the face that makes her highly attractive. Those results reward men. They feel good for having energized her that way.
Men test at flirting and play at teasing to confirm that their ability to attract female attention doesn’t wane. God designed, Nature endows, and hormones energize them for life. Real men do both but you’ll notice that young men flirt more and old men tease more. They all need confirmation when opportunities arise to prove their ability. Or, they just want to feel good.
Women know how to read it when men flirt and tease. But modern women are sometimes wrong, take the simple way out, and seem to have lost the art of taking advantage.
Men flirt and tease for two reasons that sometimes combine into a third. They want to feel good. They want something from a woman. They want both. All are natural to the male nature but women doubt the first reason can ever be exclusive or sincere.
The feminine nature intuitively knows when a man flirts or teases as lead-in to getting something from her. Females learn early in life to both spot and deal with it.
The womanly dilemma comes when a man’s motivation is not so obvious. She can’t really tell if he wants something, but she suspects it and acts accordingly. Modern women consequently consider all flirting and teasing as early warning sign of invitation to sex. They miss much of the fun of life among two genders.
Many married men tease and some even flirt. With good cause, wives object to husband flirting. With poor cause, women profile men—married, single, and old—as always in pursuit of sex. Many more honorable married men exist than credited among women.
Women have an innate bias against teasing and flirting. Emotional fidelity means more to women than sexual fidelity. They see emotional infidelity as precursor to unfaithfulness and both as threat of abandonment.
Not so with men. They believe sexual fidelity is everything. Emotional infidelity is neither perceivable nor all that important unless it leads to sexual infidelity.
More realistic judgments can provide more fun in our two-gender life. Women can have more fun if they can moderate their doubts about men and credit them with more honorable if not totally innocent motivations.
P.S. Personal story. I’m 85, she was in her forties. She takes my toll on the WV Turnpike. I offer my routine greeting to women, “Hello, your highness.” She reacts with a radiant smile. I respond with, “Wow, I could chase that smile to find out if I’m young enough.” She responded with bigger smile and, “I’d let you.” I sure felt good the rest of the day. She’s probably also happily talking about it.
At 2505 Her Highness Honorfemineity mentioned a subject fond in my heart and worthy of revisit. I first published 2059 two years ago.
At 2058 Her Highness Prettybeans said to me. “Men are never more handsome as when they continue in their tireless efforts to teach and encourage recovery among ladies. Thank you.” Thus, she gives me both a perfect payday and perfect opportunity to further explain men.
When a man does something he considers a responsibility or obligation, it may be nice but he doesn’t expect to be thanked. It’s his duty. It’s the flip side of an unearned gift. Moreover, in today’s world, thank you is as worn out in sincerity as “I apologize.” So men pay little attention to thank you. Unless of course it’s extended as part of a hug from a pretty woman, which makes what he hears even less relevant.
OTOH, surprisingly expressed indirect compliments work wonders. Even reading Prettybeans above, note that the sentence is flooded with meaning for me that makes “Thank you” virtually unnoticeable.
I propose you ladies learn to charm men in general by charming individuals of opportunity. Charm both known and unknown men with indirect compliments wrapped in female boldness that produces the feminine advantage that women long to have. The benefits come to women from the effects they have on the masculine mind.
My favorite indirect compliment is this: “Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady (for whatever they do).” Use it every time a man pleases you. Opens the door, seats you at table, lets you go ahead of him in a waiting line, husband does laundry or brings you flowers. It doesn’t matter. If a man pleases you, suggest that he just might be made more handsome for doing it. You like to be reminded that you’re pretty don’t you? Indirectness works best with men.
It works in writing, just as Prettybeans wrote to me above. But, ladies, if you want the full effect, do it this way. For example, a stranger speeds up to hold open the door for you to enter a public building. Halfway through or after the door closes, stop to gain his attention, smile sincerely, capture his eyeballs with yours, and BOLDLY say, “You know, (pause) men are never more handsome than when they please a lady.” And don’t say thank you. Just continue to smile and walk on with something like “Have a good day.”
He can’t just hear it either. His ears are not his primary sensor. Belief only comes when he sees your earnestness. Eye-to-eye displays feminine courage that men respect.
I understand you ladies can’t accept what I propose. It requires too much boldness among other sensibilities. Were I in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t think of such a thing. Remember, I’m pushing you no harder than showing an example. Primarily, I’m using it to explain the male mind. You have to figure out how to make men please you, as modern men don’t seem too eager except in pursuit of sex. Only women can train men to do the right thing as women see what is right. Most women think it’s right for them to be pleased and especially by men. That’s why I’m here to help.
I promise you this. Provided you do it boldly, smilingly, and with eyeballs locked with his when you say it, you will find significant pleasure in their reactions. You’ll recognize that you’ve charged them up with new pleasure and perhaps fascination in you. When a woman makes a man feel fantastic about himself, she assumes an aura of respectability that modern women lack.
What’s the effect on him? Think it through. You just convinced one man that ladies have standards up to which a man can easily find success, can find pleasure doing for others. To be more significant, to find more self-admiration, he only needs to please more women. How can that not be good? How can that not enhance the importance of a woman?
If you recall their natures, women are born to be good and men to do good. But women have to determine what is good for men to do. When men determine what is good, women find it mostly ‘ungood’ for them.
If women are ever to stop or even slow modern society’s slide from goodness toward evil, they must let men know that female standards not only exist but need to be honored. The way to gain honor is to encourage men to do good, specifically do what women expect. The simple “Men are never more handsome…” can jumpstart any woman’s contribution to pleasing men by pleasing herself to please men in ways that benefit Womanhood.
These are the two damnedest phenomena in all of human relations—and least understood by females. 1) A man has two sex drives. One that drives him to conquer unconquered women. Another satisfies his physiological desire for frequent sex with a woman already conquered—a distinct pair of primal urges.
2) He also has two levels of respect for a woman. The first she earns by refusing to yield to his conquering urges. The more time involved refusing him—and ingenuity and originality used to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver without his losing interest—the more respect she earns.
If he had her worthy sexual assets, he would make someone pay a hefty price to access them, and so he respects resistance and is willing to compete with her until after conquest. The growth of his respect stops with conquest, but it so impresses him that it stores permanently in his subconscious. It’s a natural function attached to his urge to conquer. She won his respect and he never loses that foundation upon which his love develops.
The second form of his respect is far less permanent. It is what she earns by virtue of post-conquest behavior in her multiple roles in life, such as sex partner, wife, mother, friend, talented artist, or sport or political figure. It can add to development of his love, but is secondary to respect earned before conquest.
Modern women miss the boat. He seeks to conquer her without obligation; she seeks to conquer him for marriage. The winner has the greatest managerial control of their future relationship, but he knows nothing of relationship management and knows little but to exploit male dominance. Consequently, the greater his respect she earns before conquest, the more willingly he accepts the female governance that enables her to manage a successful marriage.
Both sexes are born to be compatible and mate. Men are willing if rewarded for husbanding and fathering, generally with comfort, enjoyment, few complaints, and plenty of smiles. Women hope for permanence and their relationship expertise provides the talent and skill to produce it. To use it, however, they need his respect even more than his love. OTOH, unmarried sex makes females the inferior spouse, because they lose the masculine respect needed to convince a man to live the life of which women dream and which either God intended or evolution programmed into us.
I thank all of you for the kind, delightful, and encouraging comments on post 2501. The superior gender rides again. It’s amazing how pretty women can so easily turn discouragement into aspiration.
The people with whom you all associate are blessed to have you nearby. May they learn to appreciate your importance even more than they do presently; your encouragement overflows with gratitude, which magnifies your importance, and feeds your own happiness.
I hope my professional gratefulness spreads easily and smoothly as a blanket over each and every one of you. (Pillow fight, anyone?)
I never thought of this before, but encouraging others is an offshoot of your primal need to have a brighter future. If you need it, others must also and so you’re easily motivated to help. And your influence enlarges with maturity, which enlarges with finding gratitude, which makes women more important, and which makes the world both peaceful and happier. Prettier too. God bless you all.
Her Highness MLaRowe inspired this article at 2499 with this remark: “Also since one’s financial assets will be used it takes a lot of unselfishness. That is the resistance part for so many.”
Selfish is not part of the female heart and weakens the majesty of females and especially mothers. In fact, it is foreign and gets there two ways: in childhood with poor upbringing, by seeking to fit in with the crowd as teen and adult, or both.
When a couple’s prime target is to mother and father a large family, like all else finances are not an insurmountable problem. Problems arise with lack or loss of dedication to build a body of kids—made better by their numbers—and up to whom two parents can pledge their lives together.
Kids, being self-developers, provide most of the motive power for family development. Parents can slide back into guidance roles while kids are relatively free to develop as one big gaggle of energy. They learn and teach at the same time just what it is that mom and dad expect of them. Parents can just enjoy the show and expect it will all come out well in the end.
Modern women have been taught the opposite of this. Large families enable mom to work less hard; she gets to do more of what she loves to do and less of what she has to do. One exception: If mom expects perfection in anything except close love for all, respect for husband, and gratitude for father, then her labors increase and she likes it less and less.
Siblings have greater influence on personality development of each other than do parents. Extra siblings are a goldmine for attractive personality development. Quality inculcated in one child spreads to the others, so parents have only to get the ball rolling of high quality in the first child or two and the others duplicate it. Not only is more the merrier appropriate, but so is more the easier and boisterous. And it takes a special man to live with the boisterous.
Advice: Ladies, whether you intend to have a large family or not, screen each Mr. Good Enough a few times this way. Casually visualize a huge family, how it would interact, what it would produce, how it could be handled, and what a marvelous success it would be for the kids growing up and later with adult closeness. Describe in detail all you visualize so that your date copies the images. You will learn from his reactions how he feels about children and having his own. How he appreciates your imagination, studies your intent, guesses at your mystery of even thinking of such things, and in general prepares his thinking to parallel yours. It’s a good screening technique.
If the thought of a large family truly terrifies him but he’s willing to listen to more, dig into him deeper. He shows promise, because he only needs encouragement to take on such a task, but you haven’t obligated yourself.
If your thoughts provoke his ire, offensiveness, or anything approaching anger, dump him. He won’t be a good father and probably not a good husband.