Category Archives: Dear daughter

2828. Love is Never Enough — 08: More on the Macro Scale

Females have two forms of love, unconditional mother love and conditional love they like to share and spread among others. A woman expresses both in two ways:

1) She feels good about herself for sharing her love with someone else. It’s a selfish act designed into the female nature to ensure she learns to spread love to others. It also lingers in some women who never learn to be sincere in sharing their love with others.

A woman’s love isn’t worth very much if sharing it only makes her feel good about herself. IOW, selfishness does not lead to happy female.

2) Her expressions of love should make targets like themselves better and feel more worthwhile because of her presence in their lives. Both should benefit, men primarily from her actions, and other women primarily from her words.

She gives her love to someone else and receives the benefits of their loving or at least appreciating her in return; that is, she gives love for benefits in her life. When successful by being unselfish, she feels doubly good about herself; she gives and mostly gets much of what she wants in return. Although originally motivated by selfishness to make sure she shares her love, she learns early in life that she has greater returns on her loving investments by not being selfish.

And then she runs into this paradox of which women seem ignorant.

The paradox lives on daily and eternally. She loves whomever she loves, and it’s the result of her directly sharing her love. He loves what he owns, and her demonstrations of her love are tested against his sense of her duty to his ownership. IOW, her love has to fit in with all the other things he ‘bought’ when he married her.

Certain behaviors are contradictory to husband’s sense of her duty, and men are long on duty. Example: A wife’s yelling, blaming, criticizing, and speaking ill of him to others contradicts her words of love. If she poisons his sense of her duty, how can she keep him satisfied with himself for choosing her?

Regarding him, she loves enough of who he is and what he does to please her that he should love her too. Regarding her, he already loves who she is and what she does, or he wouldn’t be with her. She need only to not contradict it or surprise him with qualities or habits that annoy or are opposite to what he anticipated. But that’s another story.


Filed under Dear daughter, How she loses, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2827. Love is Never Enough — 07: More Macro Stuff

Here’s another macro side of love, how the female heart imposes its will indirectly on society and culture. The male nature urges men to better themselves so they can accomplish more and more. It doesn’t mean they let women define ‘better’ or lead them to it. In fact, they resist it. So, women have to work indirectly on both men and their man. Female mystery, lovable personality, and feminine likeability are the greatest assets for women to get their way while programming husband’s motivations with breakfast, dinner, and pillow talk.

Women inherit a special motivational drive at birth. Whatever man they mate with, they want him to become better. Men resist direct attempts to be changed. So women have an indirect way to overcome. They are born motivated to be good. Men are born with the ability to do good, but no incentive to spark actions to do or be good. A woman confirms her goodness by doing good, and when she can get her man to do good, she is the better for it and he has pleased her by becoming a better man. It’s a strong motivation imperative in women, until individuals lose it to popular opinion or male dominance.

I’m fascinated by how Western civilization developed under the influence of Christian love. Before political activists began to kill it off fifty years ago, the public marketplace was crowded with elements of female love: kindness, pleasantness, trust, goodness, and mutual respect between the sexes. How did all that happen when all love emanates from the female heart except for some that originates with a closer study of Christ via a few thousand Christian pastors.

Until something else becomes evident, I credit women for having brought female values, standards, and expectations into the development and marketplace of American civilization. Men discovered the American West, but women civilized it. Without womanly influence and our constitutional system of government using Christian values to deal successfully with denominational differences, we would be another kind of nation today.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, Her glory, marriage, Sociology 101

2826. Love is Never Enough — 06: Love Fades Away

The more I write about love, the more I find women uninterested. I can’t blame them. They don’t want to discover mistakes they may have made, how their heart works, or why they can’t make relationships work successfully. They gain a lot from the mystery that surrounds female love, but it’s an advantage fast disappearing in today’s world.

Unknown or unrecognized by women, female social and domestic influence is deteriorating and sliding toward greater male dominance and an inferior role for females and children. Especially domestically, where love is already shifting from playing the major to playing a minor tune for harmonizing a family. By not understanding how and why their love works, women drift into less and less influence for shaping a brighter future for themselves or ever fulfilling their girlhood hopes and dreams.

If women don’t know the effects of their love on others, they can’t find the gratefulness needed to enable their happiness in later years.

A woman’s love is a mystery to men. They accept and even enjoy it, but it’s a foreign emotion to the male nature. If mothers and teen girls don’t teach boys about love, how to accept it and gain their own advantages with it, then men live by another emotional setup. A combination of motivations where competition, mental and physical dominance, and winning are the main ingredients. Women don’t thrive very well under those conditions. It’s the road to unfriendly male dominance as can be seen in other parts of the world.

The trend for fifty years has been to multiply this effect more with each generation: By design of activists, the public loses its political power, and women lose much more than men. Why? Because love has been removed from the political equation by antagonizing men against women and their main influence, love.

With Christianity under attack, the love of women is too. You can see it in everyday America. Fewer and fewer women attend church to refresh their ability to love. A woman’s love just doesn’t mean what it used to in terms of women getting their way, getting what they want or expect, teaching boys about the need to love, and especially earning the respect of men when trying to form up as more than temporary couples.

Men don’t know or do love unless females teach them and make them like it. At post 2824 I described all love as beginning in the female heart. If it emanates there, what are the ingredients and how do they differ woman to woman? And how does love spread among men? What reflects outwardly that convinces a man to live within the boundaries of one woman’s love and even duplicate some of it in his life? What stimulates men to also love and work to a woman’s advantage? What stimulates men to have kinder hearts and be attentive, loyal, and lovable to others, such as children, neighbors, and work mates? Those functions of love are not embedded in the male nature; women put them there by example.

I for one think we need to answer such questions, if women are to understand what they are losing, which is the political influence of love. The loss of which denudes women of personal influence they need to earn male respect and face off successfully against male dominance. It’s a dribble-down effect, and what changes politically encloses the personal, especially for the physically weaker sex.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she loses, marriage, sex differences, Sociology 101

2825. Love is Never Enough — 05: How Come?

Why is love not enough to hold a couple together? It is too easily overwhelmed by fault-finding, criticism, and blame. Today she’s lovey-dovey, yesterday she was emotionally inflamed by something he did or didn’t do; tomorrow brings more emotional distress about him and his role in her life. She’s in and out of her mad spells and expects purposeful loving spells to compensate.

The negatives far outweigh the positives. A man blamed is a man stirred to action, motivated to do something to avoid or prevent more of the same. A man shown female love is a man stirred to comfort. If she’s smiling, she’s okay and he’s not guilty of something. If she’s complaining, he’s guilty.

He may desire to assuage his guilt and please her, but not if she blames him. Her blame is a put down of his manly sense of responsibility. Any sense of a man’s guilt is quickly erased by blame; he switches his motivational effort from cooperative to competitor with dedication to prove her wrong or expendable.

His nature works that way; he won’t live with someone when he can do better elsewhere. And so couples split, men are blamed again, and female friends sympathize with her. The process has spread dynamically over several decades, and multiplies with each generation of seven years.

Whether she thinks it or not, she acts as if she’s responsible for their marriage. If their partnership is going to work, he’s responsible for their marriage and she’s responsible for their relationship and living together.


Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, How she loses, marriage

2823. Love is Never Enough — 03: Love of Children

Theme. As they are born, love differs by sex. It originates differently, is perceived differently than intended, and the effects match neither cause nor intentions of the giver, except in childhood, that is.

Women have two kinds of love to give. Mother love is ignited by confirmation of conception and magnifies upon delivery of her first born. It is unconditional and lasts for life. (It’s also the unique motivator that matches the male’s unique motivator to conquer the next available female. Neither gender has anything else to compare in intensity, dedication, and longevity, but those two motivators are enough to perpetuate the species as God designed us. Oh, perhaps the randomness of Nature developed our species to not die off, but with only two main motivators? Two motivators that click so easily and uniquely last for life seems more design than evolution to me. )

A woman’s main form of female love flows easily from the self-love she inherits at birth and is willing to share. Usually she shares it freely, because doing so makes her feel good about herself. However, it is conditional and dependent on whomever a woman thinks deserves her affection and appreciation.* She dispenses it at her pleasure, sometimes just to feel good about herself.

Effect on men. Female love has a different effect on males depending on their age group — child, adolescent, or adult.

As a child, mother love embellishes a kid’s self-development according to her instinctive determination of need. The child’s reactions, however, differ by sex. Girls appreciate nurturing mother love, because it aids development of self-respect missing at birth; it tends to make girls defend themselves sexually and want to duplicate mother as they grow up.

Boys are another matter. Mother love expands a boy’s appreciation of himself, and tends to promote growth of self-love missing at birth; it aids his desire and development toward being more manly like his father. By sharing her conditional love after first grade, mothers wean boys off of mother love, which begins to be too nurturing and unacceptable to boys after about their sixth or seventh birthday.

As an adolescent, the nurturing nature of mother love makes it unacceptable to teens of both sexes. They assume the role of adult in miniature form and expect to succeed without nurturing assistance, unless they ask for it.

Teen girls possess the conviction that they should spread their love and likeable boys are the sweetest targets. Girls pursue boys persistently, because loving another provides the fresh realization that they are growing successfully toward womanhood. Women love men and so teen girls prepare with an early start to prove how great their love can be. It’s a premature offshoot of their instinctive adult motivation to be a good woman.

Boys do not love girls. They neither understand the females’ loving ways nor want to put up with it except as it leads to sex. Teen boys, after puberty and until they mature about age 21, are in the business of figuring out how to keep themselves satisfied with themselves as life develops around them.

Pursuit of sex with girls is a welcome sport. It’s a diversion, however, from maturing faster. Teens figure things out faster by generating success in their lives. If they find too much success bedding girls, they continue into adulthood with an adolescent mindset to keep bedding females. Physically mature, mentally adolescent.

Adolescents do not love girls, because men do not love women as women expect they do or should. IOW, male love is nowhere near identical to female love. The closest a man’s love comes to a woman’s is how he is devoted to her as admirable action figure. Teen boys are little men trying to figure out how to master a higher skill level that calls for mating up sometime with a woman. Each does so efficiently without giving up too much of himself. Meanwhile, women compete with potential mates to expand the ‘too much’ part, to make a man invest himself more deeply in order to capture and hold her heart.

The effect of female love on adult men is next.


*Female love includes many other warming and pleasant emotions, but for simplicity here, I let affection and appreciation stand for all the others.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, marriage, sex differences, The mind

2822. Love is Never Enough — 02: Feminism

I applaud the political, legal, and economic gains women made over the past half-century. They deserved it before they had to work for it.

However, Feminism poisoned both the social and domestic arenas with anger, disrespect, and conviction that men are no good at producing what females need. As the direct result of Feminism, women expect to get their way only through dispute, argument, and battle with men and their man. It’s why love is never enough too.

Feminism turned many women into permanent adolescents. Many men follow closely behind, some adopting female habits and feminizing themselves. Adultolescents don’t make good couple partners, because adolescent habits, selfishness, and narcissism promote immaturity, and immaturity splits couples.

Now in more recent times, Feminism opened the door to social media that is destroying our culture. No? Watch this:

The feminist movement caused today’s problems for women. They are born very capable of dealing successfully with men and making men like it. However, Feminism taught that men do not deserve such treatment, that they are a woman’s problem and not her solution.

Over the past few decades, feminists and other political activists claimed to do much in the name of love, the consequence of which reduced its importance so much that a woman’s love now is too weak to keep brightening her future. Too many things go sour in spite of all the love she lavishes on her man and others.

Women contradict themselves. This doesn’t apply to all women but far too many Americans. She inspires both men and her children to ignore her love by routinely and regularly contradicting herself. She tries to spread love on one hand while the other holds criticism and anger; it doesn’t work. Female anger, frustrations, and dislike of self are mutually exclusive with female love and very powerful at reducing its effect on those she hopes to love.

Men ignore female love; they don’t need it. They get what they need without earning it. Even kids develop themselves to get around mother’s dissatisfactions, frustrations, and yelling.

The most prominent and steadfast love we see today is infant care. Other expressions are interspersed with anger, criticism, and whatever disturbs a woman at the moment, usually not getting her way in matters she considers her territory. Or someone not doing what they are told!

Women try to spread female and mother love intertwined with frustrations, complaints, and determination to get their way. That process makes them unattractive to be around, which means they’re less likeable as wife or mother, which makes their love less usable and vice versa.

Negative emotions accumulating in the female heart are incompatible with convincing others of her love. The more a woman or mother insists on getting her way at whatever the cost—that is, she can’t live with herself by quitting or not winning right now— the weaker her love becomes. The more easily she angers or frustrates herself, the weaker her love becomes.

It’s natural that a woman gets inconvenienced, angry, and frustrated. To reveal it is to overwrite her self-love with exception and contradiction. Is she supposed to remain silent, keep all negative emotions inside? No, but she should realize the consequences and try to do better. She’s born to be good. If she strives in that direction and tries to live up to someone bigger than herself, she automatically ignores and keeps a lot of harsher stuff to herself.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she loses, marriage

2821. Love is Never Enough — 01: Introduction

I begin the new year with this new theme. Love is never enough. I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I will have to hunt and peck my way through the gigantic female problems that flow out of it, but I’ll keep chewing till readers say stop.

Why is love never enough? Christ’s teachings are under attack and pastors take no public offense. Love has been discredited by political activists and undergoes replacement by sex. Women contradict themselves daily. Relationships function with fractious love. Men don’t live by love unless females teach them how to thrive with it, and newer generations of women have lost both interest and ability.

Love is a humongous subject in all its forms. I focus only on one form: LOVE AS MOTIVATOR AMONG COUPLES. Motivation to act, to reveal or follow one’s emotions about their appreciation of each other. Specifically, how does one show love and how does a loved one react and respond in today’s social marketplace and domestic scene?

You see, if you love someone enough, it’s normal to expect they should love you back? At least that’s how many women think; their love can overcome all else. Desperate probably amid lack of knowledge of how to do it anyway, women forget or ignore that men function primarily on respect rather than love.

Well, humans work this way. The lovee takes in and responds differently from what the lover gives and expects in return. What she gives she does not get back. Two minds do not work the same, most not even alike. Far too often in modern times and between the sexes, minds work opposite one to another.

Thus, love is not nearly enough for couples. Without her love dominating a relationship, it means her man dominates it. Men don’t know how to breathe success into a relationship, but they try it anyway, and couples breakup regularly as the result. A man dominating a relationship—very different from dominating his woman—goes contrary to how the sexes are designed, but women stifle their ability by not focusing on things other than expressions of love.

Love is not even understood by women who spread it; they seem to have given up the ability to understand the effects of sharing their love. For example, excited, she shows her man some affection but she doesn’t hear him mumble: Hell, yesterday you said I was a pig. As the result of such contradictions, love currently fails to provide what women expect out of life.

Christ empowered women by legitimizing love as a powerful social and political influence, if just used as He exemplified it. More powerful social and relationship influence flowing from female love generates greater influence in the affairs of mankind, and so love helps provide women with political influence. But how close to Christ’s examples do modern women live?

I don’t expect women to live like Christ. He leads by example and models the best life for us to follow. I hope to just explain this to women. Their lack of success in relationships, marriage, and life is caused by their drifting too far away from what men define as a good mate. Men expect a good woman, so how does she become good as potential mate?

Feminists claim she’s already a good woman, and men continue on their way of further subjugating women with sex for pleasure.


Filed under Dear daughter, How she loses, marriage