Category Archives: feminine

2211. Hits: Graciousness Wins Respect


Females are both complimented and blessed when men hit on them.

Your physical attractiveness is complimented by his motivation to hit on you rather than someone else. So, what does ‘blessed’ mean in this context? Each hit is a perfect opportunity to promote who and what you are to both yourself and others. Specifically, to earn more respect from other people and thus promote your agenda with more of their goodwill.

More importantly, it provides opportunity to embellish the respect of others for you as person, woman, and your other roles in life. Example: Dignity adds respect to persons. Standing up to stronger sex adds respect to weaker sex. You earn both self-respect and respect of others by assertively (not aggressively) defending your social status, standing, and preferences (married, independent, picky about associates, discreet about sexual matters, sensitive against pushiness, prejudiced against men who don’t know uninvited hit from pleasant approach).

Being a pushover to men on almost any matter is to lose respect or opportunity to gain more. You won’t like this, but saying “I love you” so early in the relationship game and so often before marriage suggests you’re a pushover. Eat those words, make him earn them. Expressing your feelings makes you feel good, of course, but in the long run respect is more important to keep a relationship going.

Relative to men, women can’t have too much respect. It’s the counterbalance to male dominance. That’s why feminine mystery, female modesty, self-centered vanity, and insistent monogamy work so well. Indirectly, those traits let a woman stand up inside and politely strengthen her will against a man’s will. Being so indirect, she doesn’t push any buttons that might offend him. To him, that’s just the way she is—shrouded in mystery, modest to a fault, vain beyond belief, faithful unnecessarily. When those traits are developed and improved at the mirror, she more easily earns additional respect, which means better foundation for a guy’s love.

Did you get that point? Mirror time leads to better love by some man.

You deserve to be blessed but you have to earn it in today’s social scene. As already proposed in earlier posts, a mighty breakthrough awaits you ladies who fear or resent hits especially from ‘undesirables’. It’s a garden path walk into much greater respect for you as person, woman, and all those other things that you are and do. In effect graciousness dealing with ‘undesirables’ (for your life) sells you as highly respectable person. Observers note that they also deserve at least your graciousness, which is an indirect compliment to them, which adds to their respect of you.

I know you neither want to be told how to handle hitters or to change to something you view as fearful or too difficult for your spirit as woman. But you can’t enjoy more of life’s potential advantages unless you change your game plan.

Consequently, its more reason you ladies should welcome all hits and should teach yourselves to gain all the benefits available.

Reminder: Welcome every hit and treat every hitter exactly the same. Hottie, undesirable, or weirdo, exactly the same. In the face of tough times of what to do next, especially those times that discombobulate most people, a woman’s graciousness shines brighter than her attractiveness.

We’re not done with hits; the interconnections are almost endless, but you’ll have to put up with some repetition necessary to sustain the context each time. More tomorrow.

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2210. Hits: What Happens in Background?


In JHS, HS, college, and USN, I was the target or observed others rebuffed pleasantly or outright rejected for hitting on girls and women. Thinking on it now enables me to understand what’s happening in background mode. Much of it originates out of default beliefs inherited at birth by two very different sexes.

For this segment I define ‘hit’ as uninvited, unwanted, or overly bold intrusion or invitation, including those that you may find desirable once it happens. Some may offend, others may compliment. But the secret to making yourself more easily respected lies with treating all hitters the same (not all may be men).

OTOH flirting takes place as polite and cautious dialogue and signals that invoke a different decision process. (If a guy hits and claims he’s just flirting, without thinking twice go by your definition. Treat it as a hit without giving him opportunity to defend himself. He needs to learn who’s boss when he screws up by your standards.)

Rebuffing a hitter earns respect for you. Provided you do it for the purpose of protecting your self-respect. You reinforce self-respect by putting him in his place for having overstepped your boundaries as a person. You earn his respect for standing up for yourself and further reinforce your self-respect for having the courage to do it. (God made him wise enough to gain your attention, but He gave you the ability to get double benefit from it. Who said female isn’t the superior sex and irresistible force?)

OTOH, you probably lose respect—and don’t gain self-respect—if you respond to hits for selfish and other reasons. Examples: Reject him to make yourself feel better, put him down, like yourself better, to be liked by the hitter, show off to girlfriends, earn someone’s respect, embarrass him for showing disrespect to a woman, or just treat him disrespectfully for being a man.

Your heart should be full of feminine innocence when hit on. You’ll likely do the right thing for yourself. (Recall how That Horse is Dead reacted when the guy seated next to her brushed his upper arm against her breast. Was it a hit or a hint? She wasn’t suspicious or waiting for a man to go too far. Her feminine innocence guided her to her best advantage, in that case ladylike and dignified silence. A rebuff/rejection/dismissal probably awaits when he next tries to win her interest or second date.)

Moreover, protecting who you are and what you deserve as a person (not a woman) is not as self-centered as the examples shown in second paragraph above. Those spring out of your mind as protection for you as a woman rather than a person. There’s a difference too.

You are respected and earn respect as if you’re three people. 1) As a person, which makes you equal with all others socially, legally and particularly in God’s eyes. You deserve to be treated respectfully as an individual, not member of some group, or like your associates. 2) As a female or woman, which makes you unequal but not inferior with men (in spite of political and impractical claims to the contrary). You deserve to be recognized as very different from a man. 3) As a responsible and accountable person and woman in the various roles you fill in life, such as wife, mother, friend, daughter, employee, date, fiancé, et al. You deserve to be recognized as having primary interest in things other than man-think.

Obvious and purposeful hits can emanate from a guy’s lack of respect of women generally and perhaps you too. In his mind, you may not deserve what others deserve, such as careful or sensitive approach or common courtesy. You may not deserve to be treated fairly as member of opposite sex. You may not deserve to have your marriage honored as ‘hands off’. In every hit like that, the guy subliminally claims you don’t deserve his respect, invites you to compete with him, and so—at least I think this—you should show him how to win the competition.

You deserve equal treatment as a person if not as a woman. You’re equally deserving of what you can earn as a person. It uplifts you more easily in your mind, adds moral virtue to reinforce your courage, and makes you eligible for fair treatment as a woman. As a person you’re blessed with the ability to take charge at all affronts to your comfort and dignity as a woman. But you should initiate by thinking as a person. The cautious nature of women dissuades from initiating at the very moments you need to be self-assertive in the handling of hitters.

Not as easy as it sounds, but you should treat all men alike. It trains you better to gain all the advantages that can accrue to you as a woman.

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2209. Hits: Rebuffs and Rejections


I give up. So many combinations and permutations of hits, men’s motivations, and women’s motivations and individual reactions that I can’t describe how best to handle each. So, I propose you figure out how to use the following to your advantage.

  • There are only two kinds of hits. Those that you appreciate and those that you don’t, guys that may appeal to you and guys that don’t. So, take the easy way out.
  • WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I propose that rebuffing each guy’s first hit on you does that.

In defense of being falsely accused, what motivates men to hit on women? It’s far more than ‘just one thing’, although that always lingers and sometimes lurks in the background. Chatting with an attractive lady who encourages him to tell about himself is a very inviting exchange of thoughts for many men. Men hope for their mate to be attractive, and so they start looking among the best. A lot of self-admiration can be earned by a man just sweet talking a pretty woman into finding him likeable. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman and many start with virtues they see in attractive women. Men can be innocent too but women only see them as being after that one thing, which sharpens the finger of blame for some women and cautions others into fearfulness.

Self-talk at mirror time can help immensely to prepare for four kinds of hitters.

  • Guy A pleases or compliments you. Also, he appeals to you as prospect for a relationship. As a lady, rebuff him with smiles and encouragement but determination that he’s finished for that first encounter. He has to know you’re not a pushover, and he only believes actions that he sees. If he returns for another encounter, handle him as suggested with guy B next.
  • Guy B pleases or compliments you. As a lady, give him benefit of the doubt but rebuff him as matter of principle. If he comes back for next or more hits, make him suffer the agony of uncertainty. Keep him off balance and uncomfortable. It’s called screening, and his repetitive effort is his investing of himself. After a few encounters he may bloom for you, but he should earn every step. Perhaps a potential Mr. GoodEnough, but the first rebuff got his attention that he had to work to win you.
  • Guy C displeases or offends you. Dismiss him with ladylike composure and without anger. It impresses observers more than guy C, which makes it a game changer for all those other guys thinking of you and for all the women who learn to have new respect for you.
  • Guy D just comes on as very pleasant and likeable but not like A, B, or C.

The guys that come back for another encounter are likely interested in you more than sex but no guarantees. By ending the first hit with rebuff, your screening process takes a great stride forward.

Sample rebuffs and dismissals. Don’t claim yourself to be good or try to convince or explain or complain. Refer to how you’re obligated to or respectful of others. And don’t accept guys saying anything else. You end it with your response and don’t accept more from them.

  • Hit from Guy A: Smile as if you like him. “Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady, but I’m busy now.” If that’s not enough for him, he may not be an A.
  • Hit from Guy B: “I love compliments but I’m busy now.”
  • Hit from Guy C: Stare a few seconds, give him a long silence (you know, the old evil eye), and then turn away as a determined lady rather than disgusted woman.
  • Hit from Guy D: “Try again sometime. I think I’d like to know you, but I’m busy now.”
  • Hitter is married: “I would never betray a sister female, especially your wife. Goodbye.”
  • You’re married: “Thanks but I like it much better when my husband says that.” Or, “My husband would never say such a thing. He’s such a gentleman. Goodbye.”
  • He’s a hottie, rich guy, or beamer driver: “You’re kidding, right? I’m supposed to drop who I am for you? Bug off, buster, you don’t qualify for me.”
  • Hit in church: “I gave my heart to the Lord” (and walk away). If guy A or B invites for coffee after church, it’s another matter but still refuse first invitation. Not to be mean but to stand on your principle that all men are to be treated equally when they first approach you. It’s your standard, without which men have less to step up to in order to prove themselves worthy of you.

You’re made differently, so exploit it. You can’t stop being hit on, but you can win every encounter and send yourself off with grand rather than demeaning feelings about yourself. You can easily teach men that your self-respect and feelings are not to be tampered with. Your action, your immediate response can cure disappointment, discomfort, disruption, and disrespect when you’re surprised.

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2208. Hits: A Matter of Self-respect


After seven years I’ve uncovered something new about Jill. She doesn’t pay enough attention to her self-respect. I hope to show how to improve it with a simple change in attitude and behavior.

If I can make my case, it’s both opportunity and immense advantage to each woman to respond exactly the same to all men who hit on them, including the hottest hunks and richest guys.

———

Unlike men, self-respect is not a woman’s most prominent trait. 1) Women have been disrespected through the millennia. They are accustomed to having themselves demeaned and self-respect crushed by both mannish behavior and that of females with hearts hardened by power. The hurt lingers and women have adjusted by diminishing its importance to herself. 2) When a woman stands up for herself in a self-respecting manner, the feedback from others may confirm her behavior. However, she tends to roast herself on the coals of self-doubt or guilt and finds subsequent displeasure with herself. She could have done better and will the next time. As relationship expert, she pressures herself to find alternatives, which tends to confirm she was perhaps wrong the first time: oops, more guilt. Consequently, it causes confusion in the heart and women outwardly stand up for themselves less and less as they age. Unreinforced self-respect tends to weaken itself over time. It’s kind of like the older you get the more you get beat down.

Men cause 1). Women cause 2) by the way they react to 1), so room for improvement lies within.

———

Other than within your mothering instinct, your self-respect as a female depends on the presence of men and a man in your life. It bounces around all the time based on how well you feel compatible and comfortable with them and him. More accurately, it bounces around based on the respect you are shown by men and your man. That is, you feel as compatible and comfortable as you are treated with respect, which just happens to be both foundation of masculine love and major source of your self-respect.

Why such emphasis here on self-respect? High levels of self-respect—such as that spawned with feminine mystique, female modesty, personal vanity, and mirror time—weaken male dominance. Putting hitters in their place has similar effects, especially when they think they can’t be refused. You rebuff them for no other reason than they hit on you; your standard is that it’s disrespectful to be that presumptive of you. (The second or third hit is another matter to be covered later.)

Consequently, because of constant concern or involvement earning masculine attention and hoping for affection or boyfriend, you pay too little attention to self-respect. Yet, one of the immutable laws of nature is this: The greater your self-respect, the more likely and easier for others to respect you and you to respect them. IOW, the root of all respect is self-respect. Since a man’s love is based on respect for women generally and one woman particularly, your weakness in self-respect weakens the prospects of a man’s love.

I propose that all hitters regardless of desirability be dismissed with female charm. Take advantage of more opportunities and you reinforce your potential to be loved. Don’t overlook this fact. The guy you finally win thinks your standard of dismissing hitters means you’re not a pushover, but yet he was good enough to try again and won you. Huh? Think he won’t be proud of himself for having overcome your initial rebuff? Try it, you’ll see.

My next job, however, is to wrap my mind around how you gals distinguish what you want and don’t want. Is there a universal definition of ‘hit’. I’m working on it and hopefully it will magically appear by next post. Tomorrow perhaps at #2209 or soon thereafter. This is a tough series to write, because of the need for separating ‘hit’ from ‘approach’, unwanted from appreciated, disrespect from compliment.

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2207. Hits: Tired of Them? Really? Had Enough?


The following seems to be the typical females’ wish list.

1) I’m tired of being hit on. 2) I wish it could be prevented. 3) Except for those men I find desirable for my taste. 4) Even better, how do I attract more than just hits from the hottest hunks and richest guys? 5) Why am I unable to make every desired hit work out to my advantage? There’s one answer to all.

It remains a wish list because women don’t do much about it. They don’t really want to. Though they complain, they are aware that they are complimented. The attention is more important than the discomfort, if that’s what they really feel.

By the numbers above: 1) You may be tired of it but you have to stay home to avoid it and even that won’t stop it all. 2) To prevent it, womanhood has to work together or leave it to government.* 3) To isolate and appeal to those you find desirable and 4) attract the hottest and richest depends on your reaction to keep the ball rolling into something more than just a hit. 5) You’ve not defined clearly to yourself what’s to your advantage. Golden relationship opportunities await in 3), 4) and 5); you’re just not mining it.

Are you interested in mining the gold? It requires the composure and courage to treat all hitters exactly alike in such a way that you earn their respect. It won’t be easy but it can be made simple.

It takes a lot of writing to describe and justify such a simple technique, but if enough ladies are interested….

This is a survey to solicit the importance of the subject. Let me know if you’re interested. If I can make my case, it’s both opportunity and immense advantage to each woman to respond exactly the same to all men who hit on them, including the hottest hunks and richest guys. You can’t equivocate, everyone the same.

——

*Feminists choose government solutions. Latest development, a city government denies freedom to men. One city (I think in California) has made it illegal to stare at a woman for 30 seconds. More is coming as feminists complain and government responds to their ‘needs’, which disrespects men who then show more disrespect to women. (Manosphere recruits?)

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2202. Respect: The Lady’s Side


It’s very common. Everyone proclaims they respect others. But too much shortage exists or relationships of every kind would be better.

You have to live with men and hopefully with one successfully. Without respecting them, it ain’t gonna happen. Real men have no use for anyone, women especially, who disrespect them or fail to show the respect they expect. (Check out the Manosphere by Eric in tomorrow’s post.)

Showing respect begins with first encounter. Perhaps contrary to your intent, flirting does not show respect; it just shifts any man’s interest to sex and diverts his attention away from your appeal as possible mate. Not terminal but not beneficial either. (See footnote about first encounters.)

Dating and courtship exist to enable you to display and prove your respect of men. Why? Because men won’t pay attention to you (except for sex) until they see signs of respect. Or stay with you unless well respected. Each date and courtship event together is another opportunity for you.

Your respect for a man unlocks the door to his ambitions (aka emotions to you) and his intentions (aka pursuit to you). Doesn’t mean he’s all that interested, but without you unlocking the door he stays fixated on sex or turns elsewhere.

Detecting your respect, he can then offer up his loyalty and his likeability to you. It’s his gift; he lets you see him in all his masculine glory, aka his vision of being lovable and just right for you. He seeks to earn your loyalty and enjoy your likeability, aka his interpretation of love. He’s not looking for love as you express it and expect to see yours matched. He’s intent on convincing you of his worthiness either for you or for sex. To keep him focused away from sex is to keep him focused on you as possible mate.

Other than that, you have little to do with relationship development except to make yourself more loyal and likeable in his eyes, which means to let your respect grow for him. You should be yourself and not interfere with his presenting what he offers—unless he turns you off. (Sex excluded, of course, as it definitely interferes.)

If he’s not loyal and likeable to you, he’s not good enough. Measure him by those factors; he measures you by them. They’re what he’s selling and figures you will buy.

Originating at birth, your primal motivational force is to earn a sense of your importance. Successful relationships begin by respecting the male gender and one special man. (If you don’t respect the gender, your man too often in your mind becomes one of ‘them’.) Your showing respect is both action and accomplishment that confirms to your heart that you’re important as a person, sweetheart, girlfriend, woman, friend, mate, or wife, which energizes you to make yourself even more important to others.

Women don’t need respect as men do. In early stages of relationships, you rely more on instinct, intuition, and infatuation. From that base you do things to please both your man and yourself. Pleasing him confirms your importance to yourself and hopefully to him. Pleasing yourself programs your heart with the appropriateness of what you do. IOW, the more you do for him, the more you love him. Your heart won’t let you invest yourself without figuratively patting you on the head and saying Well Done, young lady.

Women should pay more attention to this natural paradox. The more respect you show to a man, the less feedback you need to confirm your importance. (Funny how that works, isn’t it? God knew what He was doing.) Moreover, the more you respect yourself, think mirror time, the more you’re able to respect others. It also means that the more mirror time, the less you need others to sustain your spirit and morale.

Blame weakens respect. The more that women blame men, individually and collectively, the less that men sense womanly respect, which weakens manly respect for both female gender and individuals, which weakens masculine love of women, which makes men more self-centered, which brings out their aggressive side, which turns them toward violence and victimizing females. It all starts with the finger of blame pointed at men because women seek to change them and they refuse to change as women expect it.

Men, OTOH, try to offer up their loyalty and likeability in exchange for the same from women, but women won’t accept them as is, which means they don’t respect them as is, which means that men don’t much care what happens after that.

If you want to be respected and loved by a man, he must be respected, and you are in charge of that regardless of how unrespectable you view his behavior. You always have the option of not respecting him with the consequence that you lose whatever love he has for you. It’s easily proved with the finger of blame.

When women individually and collectively demonstrate respect, men quit blaming women and learn to follow the female lead. They fall in line with whatever values and standards women impose and religiously expect, such as strong sense of family responsibility.

After paying the price of respecting him, you only need to decide if his loyalty and likeability can be made mutual with your expectations while he determines the same thing. That’s the shortest version of relationship development.

By using respect as your empowering first principle, you are naturally prepared to generate mutual loyalty and likeability and thus develop compatible if not fully successful relationships. It works as surely in dating and courtship as it used to work all across American society.

——

**First encounter may well be a man’s hitting on you. It’s a compliment that you have either sex or mating appeal. You get to choose to listen or not. Listening sends a message of respect, which I propose. Refusal sends the opposite.

You listen, smile, and show interest in what he says. You let him hold your attention—preferably eyeball to eyeball to confirm your courage—while he presents himself for you to consider buying what he says. Do the same earnestly, sincerely, and habitually with all men. Then make your decision each time.

If it’s beyond a polite self-introduction, say a bold hit, then listen and get bolder to reject him. Bold but not insulting rejection—after listening sincerely—adds to your respect for him and his gender. Your anger or rapid escape to avoid listening to his compliment shows disrespect for both him and his gender. It also may lead you away from some good men who are sincere in the compliment that is the foundation for their hit.

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2201. Respect: The Man’s Side


Her Highness Cinnamon asks what ‘respect’ looks like.

Most of the respect females show males is the absence of action. Men, being visual and action oriented creatures, identify respect as the absence of distractions and disturbances. Consequently, you are automatically respectful of men when you pay close attention to what each one says and does. (Don’t get angry yet, gals, your side comes tomorrow.)

A man does not expect to earn your respect. It’s just due him. He will do what it takes to earn your love but not your respect. If he has to earn respect, he has to vacate his dominant perch and instruct you on how to treat him. That in itself earns disrespect. (I’m the boss; do as I say, not as I do.)

A man sets his goal to capture you. He discovers your virtues. They confirm his intention to proceed and confirm that your loyalty and likeability agreeably match his own. Finally he verifies that your fascination is potentially promising as a mate. It’s another version of walking himself to the altar founded on the background presumption first and visible evidence second that proves he’s respected by you.

There are many ways of respecting your man, but you usually use those that produce the best results to please yourself. (Unfortunately, it’s easy for your emotions, habits, and outside influences to steer you off course.) Here are some good ways:

  1. Speaking highly of him in front of others when he’s not present.
  2. Deferring to his judgments including those that you suppose or figure he would make.
  3. Uplifting him before the children especially when he’s not present.
  4. Displaying quality in what you do for him, whether cooking, cleaning, or errand running. (Anyone can do those things, but adding quality signifies respect.)
  5. Displaying loving gestures that deepen your loyalty and likeability (which amplifies his conviction).
  6. Speaking in the company of others, you look at his face and not around the room or at those present. You’re interested in what he has to say. (If you’re not, why should others be interested in him?)
  7. Smiling, you find that his earns yours and hope vice versa.
  8. Speaking, you listen and then respond to what you heard. Then you respond with your agenda second instead of first.
  9. Needing help (e.g., with the dishes) but he refuses, too busy. Smilingly, pleasantly, and teasingly you remind him of his superior role in this vail of tears. (You rule the rooster best when you can’t be defeated in spirit. When he figures you’re disappointed, it’s far more meaningful. Maintaining his respect is better for the future than cooperation or sympathy in the present.)
  10. Holding for you the restaurant door, you let him precede to the hostess and hope he lets you go in front to the table. (Men appear respectable to women and set a good example for men when they defer politely to women in public. Etiquette is more than fancy behavior; it generates mutual respect.)
  11. Departing social situations you look for his guidance. (Of course your glance can be commanding but it doesn’t reflect as disrespect, which it can if overemphasized or overused.)
  12. Demanding isn’t your style, especially in public. (And best not even in private. You have too many other skills that uphold respect.)
  13. Avoiding the endless ‘clacking’ of details about the mundane, you honor his intelligence as worthy and useful in his private mental “space.” [Thanks to Sharon.]

You ladies are invited to help me add to this list. I will as new thoughts come to mind.

It’s your side tomorrow so stay tuned for 2202. Your purpose of respecting men is to please yourself. If not, you do it wrongly.

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