Category Archives: feminine

2281. Garden of Eden


This is a partial summary of how it all began.

I use the Garden of Eden as a function of faith and the simplest way to say that what follows below had to either start somewhere or morph out of the randomness of Nature. In either event, the genders are primordially motivated by the differences below.

  1. The genders are designed to be compatible as mates but both have to cooperate to offset the results of too much gender and individual competition.
  2. Equality was never intended; fairness generates success of compatibility.
  3. One gender is dominant and, in effect, the immovable object. The other is superior and, in effect, the irresistible force.
  4. Men lack it, but women are endowed with relationship expertise to enable the physically weaker to manage the physically stronger, balance diverse gender interests, and preserve compatibility.
  5. The female gender is designed to earn happiness, which women accomplish after years of finding gratitude in life and others. Thus, women live for the long-range benefits; they earn their rewards late in life for having developed their own matriarchal family. (The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world per William Ross Wallace’s poem.)
  6. The male gender is designed to earn satisfaction, which men achieve primarily at their jobs. Thus, men live with a short-range orientation to expand their patriarchal influence.
  7. The female gender is endowed with strong desire to be good, which women confirm and achieve by doing good.
  8. Males are born capable of doing good, but they lack incentive until energized by females in their lives. By doing good, they become good and much more satisfying to the women in their lives.
  9. Within both genders, each individual’s uniquely developed personality and self-identification includes the spirit to compete to get their way. Relationship experts are endowed with special wisdom to compensate and thereby produce harmony in relationships, home, and family.
  10. Men are hunter-conquerors with eyes as their primary sensor and peripheral vision designed to detect motion.
  11. Women are essentially prey with ears as their primary sensor and peripheral hearing that enables them to evaluate other voices nearby.
  12. Males tend to believe what they see and put little credence in words unsupported by actions. Women tend to believe what they hear unless what they see discredits it.
  13. The female gender protects itself against the male gender with hard-headedness before being conquered and soft-heartedness after that.
  14. The male gender wields hard-headedness and hard-heartedness until a woman or old age make them more mellow.
  15. Female love is emotion-based and both clouded for men and crowded with the risk of unreturned love.
  16. Male love is logic- and reason-based on mutual likeability and mutual loyalty, foreign to female understanding, and with risk removed during development. If risk arises later from lack of his woman’s loyal support (and even short of sexual fidelity) to him, a man’s love weakens and may fade away.
  17. Self-love convinces women they deserve to be loved by men. Self-respect convinces men they deserve to be respected by women. Her love of him rather than his love of her keeps her attached to a man. His love depends on mutual likeability and mutual loyalty and her actions to repeatedly confirm it.
  18. Individuals of both genders are primarily motivated by self-interest. The effect is WADWMUFGAO. We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves, which means that love isn’t real except as it makes individuals feel good when they show love for another, which is easy and normal for women but requires devotion for men to display it.
  19. His words of love impress her but her actions to show her love of him program her heart and convince her that she loves him.
  20. Her words of love make her feel good but he doesn’t need her love in order to love her, just to confirm no reason to be suspicious of her loyal support of his interest and ambition.
  21. A man’s love develops out of his self-interest to possess a particular woman as his partner, mate, or wife depending on what she requires.
  22. The primal need of a woman is confirmation of her self-importance, which she earns by making herself important to others. She depends on others to help fulfill her need.
  23. The primal need of a man is confirmation of his significance, which he achieves by earning satisfaction through his accomplishments and ambitions. Other people are not essential to fulfill those needs.
  24. The female gender recognizes the need of morality and religion to promote female interests. Men don’t recognize such a need except as woman or women are persuadable enough to change masculine interest.
  25. Women are pretty; men are handy. Both are convicted of it for themselves and the other gender.
  26. The female gender lives under heavy pressure of guilt, and women find relief by dealing pleasantly with others. Men accept only self-induced guilt and act to relieve it or forget it; they don’t carry guilt as baggage or as reason to deal pleasantly with others.
  27. Both genders are attracted to sexual encounters by the lure of orgasm, which is not the most important part of sex for either sex.

Thus, God designs, Nature arranges and endows genetically, and hormones energize the sexes very differently for action and life.

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2276. How the Marriage-worthy Female Appears


In the minds of men, you are no more attractive than you think you are. If you don’t look at least like a 9 or 10 in your mind’s eye, men won’t see you that way either. And men aren’t very eager to marry an 8 or less.

Upgrading yourself to a 9 or 10 requires a lot of mirror time and persistent appearance in public. You should attire and groom yourself until you fill with determined pride, fulfill and even expand your natural desire for vanity, and are guided by the need to appear your prettiest to all who see you.

If you don’t routinely dress up and look your best to stand out in every situation, then you miss many chances to meet good men of interest to you. If you don’t do it without regard for comfort, convenience, and cost, then you don’t pay the price of making yourself appear interesting enough to them.

How you appeal to men as a potential mate determines your lifetime destiny much more easily than sex appeal. Based on the nature of men, gals with the greatest potential to be invited to marry appear as a 9 or 10 to themselves and then use special techniques to confirm and retain that rating while dating and beyond:

A. Her attractive face, friendly demeanor, and eagerness to smile outshine sister females, which easily leads some man to believe that he can capture the best of the rest.

B. Her attractive body reflects a strong spirit of personal pride and determination, which keeps his curiosity attuned to her interests and his imagination attuned to pleasing himself in ways that he expects will please her.

C. She’s more feminine than sister females, which signifies that she appreciates high standards and likely intends to be more faithful than others.

D. She’s too modest to display hints of sexual willingness and purposely acts contrary to the habits of sister females, which means she’s her own woman.

E. Out of her behavior sprouts mysteries of what’s really in her heart, which attracts him to more deeply involve himself with what motivates her, which inquisitiveness favorably keeps him near her in order to settle both his curiosity and imagination.

As they date, she inherits other burdens to sustain the 9 or 10 rating. Here are a few suggestions:

  1. She’s unwilling to be talked into something against her belief or character, which makes her more likely to be predictable in his future.
  2. She has an attitude that sex is far less important than other relationship matters, which teaches him that she has strong values, high standards, and specific expectations that may help sustain any marriage they may enter.
  3. She doesn’t try to convince but only to be convinced, which puts her in the role of buyer, which silently teaches him that he must be the seller if he wishes to win her.
  4. She listens well and teaches herself how to get every man talking about himself, which enables her to judge much better his character and future promise as her husband than by her talking.
  5. She understands the principle that there’s no such thing as motivation; there’s only self-motivation, which keeps her from going overboard to get her way at his expense.

Every successful relationship starts with how she makes herself appealing and thereby appears to him. And they run into each other and start relationships in the most unusual places and unexpected times. That’s why she shouldn’t leave home without the conviction that she’s as close to a 9 or 10 as possible.

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2275. He Married Over His Head


I described a man married over his head as a man being made better by his wife. Her Highness Cinnamon at 2270 asked for examples of how it’s done. Her Highness Surfercajun responded with a great list and it deserves to be re-posted here with some that I add. Notice that wife is in charge of his becoming a better man; otherwise men have little incentive.

  1. She raises his morality.
  2. Encourages him in whatever he wants to do (aka sink his teeth in… whether it is a new diet, tests for better hiring abilities on his resume, or a goal set).
  3. Brings him up when rest of the world beats him down, she lifts him up.
  4. Makes him laugh.
  5. She is not like all the others… she is special …she is his sunshine
    (I always hear John Denver singing).
  6. Makes him want to be a better person.
  7. She praises him on his child rearing skills on how he handled a situation.

To which I add:

  1. She ignites his conscience as a good husband by influencing his heart to find the Lord and basing his life on love.
  2. She indirectly finds multiple ways to subtly reward him for doing things that are right for their relationship.
  3. She can find connections to highlight even his routine accomplishments as vital to the enjoyment of her life.
  4. She doesn’t begrudge his being honored.
  5. She keeps his spirits uplifted with plenty of her smiles and grateful attitude.
  6. She doesn’t frustrate or disappoint his sex drive without reason that he accepts as good or at least okay—and not even that repeatedly.
  7. She focuses more on his well-being rather than her own, knowing full well that if dad ain’t happy, no one is happy. (Yes, that’s right. The similar saying about momma ain’t happy may seem great for kids but it diminishes respect for husband, which discourages him from wanting to be home and thereby less a better man.)
  8. She establishes standards in the home that uplift family respect for him. Examples: He’s served first at the table. He excuses children from the table. He doesn’t have to wait on anyone when they are departing. His chair is his chair. When dad speaks, everyone stops to listen.
  9. She routinely confirms that he’s chairman of the board and chief executive officer and that kind of respect is automatically due him.
  10. She enables him to recognize and pleasingly accept that as wife she reports to him but as mother she’s primarily responsible to and for her children and secondarily to him.
  11. With great subtlety and indirectness she lets him see that his selfishness and intolerance undermine her harmonizing the home.
  12. With subtlety and indirectness she teaches him to let her have her way in managing the household and children.
  13. She disciplines the children without husband/father/mate’s help. He’s her backup and the less he’s called on, the more effective she becomes. Even children prefer and do better with one boss instead of two. They also understand at a young age that bosses have their boss.
  14. As far as husband can see, she values him above all others including their children. Her heart is balanced such that her natural predisposition to favor her children is not evident to him. (He knows he can’t compete against mother-love, he’s not number one in her heart, but he expects to be treated as if he is. He paid for that with his independence.)
  15. She doesn’t interfere with his job relationships. She trusts that he knows best, since she doesn’t know the players or pressures at his work site.
  16. She isn’t super-serious all the time or out to please herself with the urge to always be perfect.
  17. She unconditionally trusts him to do what’s best for their relationship. When it seems that he doesn’t, she respectfully and gently gives him opportunity to explain rather than accusing or criticizing.
  18. She doesn’t nag or criticize him but uses hints, seed planting, and other indirect techniques to help him discover that he wronged her and much prefers to please her.
  19. She makes keeping his devotion the number one relationship mission in their life together. She knows her life moves toward empty as he withdraws from trying to please her.

In the final analysis and provided she’s a good person, moral woman, and knows she deserves such a man, his willingness to please himself by pleasing her is what makes him a better man.

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2274. Compatibility Axioms #911-920


911. a) If they marry, how can he assess the likelihood that she will be faithful? b) What should arouse his suspicions? c) Who and how many men got there before he did? d) How should he react when encountering men who have laid with her? e) How will she react when encountering them again? f) How will he compare sexually with them and her ex-husband? g) Any sexual attractiveness remaining with ex-husband or others?* He considers her sexual history the best source for figuring out such things. The less trustful his character, the more intense to learn her past.

*Note: He’s concerned more with lingering physical than emotional attraction that women worry more about. [302.]

912. Feminine intuition tops full-disclosure of her sexual history. While not easy, women have the skills and expertise to hide who, what, when, where, why, and how of what he doesn’t already know.  So, “have to” isn’t a sound reason for full-disclosure. [302.]

913. Former relationships may be known to her man, but no mention should EVER be made or details disclosed even about ex-husbands. It’s taboo if her previous relationships are not totally forgotten by her. Unfortunately, he won’t forget although he can forgive. Whether sincere or claimed forgiveness depends on his character? [302.]

914. Wise women plan and minimize disclosure of their sexual history long before new relationships begin. By planning to treat all men alike, she conditions her thinking to not go off the deep end of infatuation. [302.]

915. When a woman concludes that men are only after one thing, she thinks insufficient all else she has to offer, which makes her a poor candidate for marriage. [306]

916. Women generate unhappiness this way. She focuses negatively on her man’s shortcomings, which worsen precisely because of her attentions to them. [306]

917. Booty call: The screwing she gets for the screwing he gets. Duty sluthood costs her much more male respect that she can ever imagine. [306]

918. College girls major in booty for reasons incomprehensible to any father. [306]

919. Capturing a man is easy. Keeping one is not. The burden is on her. Her nature seeks togetherness and his seeks independence. Sex is always insufficient to end his independence. [306]

920. Virgin girls believe they won’t get dumped if they yield. Actually to men, the more his buds have tried and failed, the easier she is to dump. Unless he’s really into her other strengths and attributes, which isn’t evident until after many months of dating have passed with him fascinated by her person and womanly demeanor. [306]

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2266. A Man’s Love: The Reality of It


I define love as what holds them together as a couple. With her it’s emotional connections, obligations, and behaviors. With him, well…we’ll see.

I purposely bypass the importance of her attractiveness or the rest doesn’t happen. Also, I bypass the consequences of conquest as it may or may not affect the following.

A woman identifies the evident or imagined commitment and devotion of a man as his love of her. Men act differently. Not that her love isn’t appreciated, but manly love isn’t like female expressions of it.

A man identifies a woman’s love of him as the reciprocal of his love of her; it initiates in his heart and develops mutually or it isn’t love to him. His love is her likeability to him and his loyalty to her; plus his likeability to her and her loyalty to him. To his logical and reasoning mind, without reciprocity it isn’t his love. Also, he doesn’t remain in situations where his investment isn’t matched or bettered, so his love isn’t as anchored in deep emotion as that of a woman.

For a marriage to last, their mutual likeability and mutual loyalty should regularly confirm them as satisfied with their mating arrangement. It’s what a married man expects. It carries an ominous meaning for women unless they learn how to exploit their relationship expertise.

However hard and dedicated she tries, her love alone isn’t enough to sustain her marriage. It’s essential for her to show it or her love of husband fades, but it isn’t enough for him. Appreciated and perhaps honored, but not enough.

It begs the question: What else is needed? She aims her words, expressions of love, and other behaviors toward objectives that satisfy or confirm the following or at least don’t weaken or contradict them.

  • Remaining likeable in his eyes.
  • Keeping herself appearing loyal to him.
  • Treating him as if he’s very likeable to her.
  • Appreciating his loyalty to her.

All of which he should see in actions more than words. If she’s successful doing all that, he absorbs confirmation that their love is mutual and that he’s doing the right thing staying with her. Good return on investment of his independence.

Which of course begs this question: What does she get in return for her investment? Something other than separation and perhaps lifetime marital success. A better husband, which suggests she’s a better wife. Perhaps a man more enthused about family responsibility. Confirmation that her effort makes her important to their relationship. Being more easily loved and perhaps with a happier husband eager to display his affection.

The list could go on to greater satisfaction for her. She’s doing what it takes to keep her man directly involved in the mating scheme of life. It’s not likely to go wrong unless she begrudges doing what is required for success, which registers as her lack of likeability of and disloyalty to him and ends his love.

P.S. Men inherit at birth the way they love as described above. It’s up to the women in their lives—moms, chaste girls, bachelorettes, and wives—to teach them to love in ways more pleasing to women.

——

NOTE: There! It sounds again as if I alibi for men. No intent to do so. Just trying to figure out the truth of life. The more I figure out how men and women interact as couples, the more burdensome it seems for women. But, I’m reassured by this fact. It’s why they are the superior gender; they have all the talent, skill, and fortitude to shape their lives successfully in pursuit of their girlhood hopes and dreams. They just need to learn how to use their God-given, natural, and hormonal strengths.

Respectfully,

Guy

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2265. Wife Invited to Work Full-time


Her Highness My Husband’s Wife described at post 1838 how middle-age husbands try to get their wives to get full-time jobs. She wonders what a wife should do when she thinks differently.

Were I a wife in the situation you describe, I would be prepared. At the first hint that it’s coming, hopefully before he suggests it, and especially before he can put forth his arguments, I would pull out my previously prepared list and do the following.

I would sit him down. Standing before him in my gentle, sweet, pleasant, and determined but undetectable attack mode, I would courteously hand him the following list of costs to our marriage if I’m no longer responsible to keep the best castle to which I’m capable. Does he agree that we should pursue a full time job for me? And then I would shut up; let him read. Maybe even stroll off to another room.

——

My precious husband,

Peering into the future, I have spent a lot of time fitting my abilities into a design of how I could be successful working full time outside the home. We could use the money but at what price to personal satisfaction and marital harmony?

With a doubled workload, I have to have a precise schedule to avoid an unappreciated temperament to which you would be exposed and to ensure the sense of satisfaction that I can do right things as we go along.

You married me for better or for worse. Unlike you I’m only capable of so much and over time have measured my limitations. I guess my limitations make up my ‘worse’.

I know what works. I have figured out what it would take for me to have a full time job. The following is designed to prevent loss of my interest in marital matters.

  • Being a primary income earner entitles me to sit down after work, grab beer and clicker, and satisfy myself while preparing for tomorrow’s battles. That style of recovery works for you but I have to find ways for me to recover too. Otherwise, my interest in living wanes when I can’t both wife and mother to my satisfaction.
  • Breakfast and dinner will be processed food; heating only required. Or we eat out as long as I’m back home before 8pm on nights before workdays.
  • Lunch is not available on weekends as those are my washing and cleaning days.
  • Dinner will be done and dishes in the washer before 7pm. Big meals before bed ruin my sleep habits and I’m too tuckered out to work the next day. Without 8 hours sleep, I drown in self-pity, boredom, and marital regret after a half-dozen hours outside our home. I’ve been there and the pressure is too much for this weakling of a female for any extended period of time.
  • On workdays I retire from housework at 7pm regardless of what’s not done.
  • I go to bed at _pm for 8 hours of sleep regardless of your schedule. I will need the TV removed from our bedroom or separate bedrooms.
  • I can’t do night-out when next day is workday.
  • I schedule dusting, washing, and light cleaning every weekend, clean more thoroughly once a month, and can’t afford to spend time outside the house such as flower gardening.
  • As much as it makes my castle-building spirit smolder, I will save time and energy by not picking up after everyone. Clutter will be normal if I can live with such irresponsibility for this homemaker.
  • We’ll have to rearrange our schedules for sharing the driving of kids where they have to go.
  • You’ll have to help with grocery shopping and perhaps other errands the sharing of which we can work out.
  • I have not yet found a new and particular way for me to fulfill myself with some sort of entertainment. But I’m working on it.
  • Other things will be required from you to keep my spirits up. For example, more affection, more appreciation, more humor, more cooperation, more consideration, more uplifting spirit, more fatherly leadership, and more confirmation that I’m precious rather than just a fixture.

I can do it and we can do it. You’re the one to decide if we should or not. I too would like more money coming in. Is it worth it to you to have your wife following a strict schedule that takes away some of your discretion about marital matters?

Your trying-to-be-precious wife,

(his favorite nickname for her)

——

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2258. Compatibility Axioms #821-830


821. He’s never eager to admit fault about his sexual prowess. Nor should he be excused, but she ventures onto rocky terrain when she brings it up. [281]

822. Commitment to a relationship does not mean she’s cherished. Neither does commitment energize a man the same way or extent that devotion does. Devotion begins cherishment; the more he devotes himself to her over his interests enables cherishment to grow. [281]

823. Men can be changed slowly but don’t always expect success. They dig in their heels when not done with the respect they expect and the indirectness and patience that makes her seem to defer to him. [281]

824. Men may be insensitive clods to women. But they consider their manly sexual expertise and boudoir manner to be exceptional if not extraordinary. To them, it makes up for their shortcomings.[281]

825. Virtual virginity works better than bed-testing before marriage. It conditions his thinking that she’s highly sensitive and possessive about what she expects of him. [281]

826. Women make unmarried sex so easy that men don’t have to pay attention to her needs, drives, and desires. But doubts arise about her history and worth for marriage, if she’s too easily conquered. [281]

827. What one generation allows, the next practices. [284]

828. Living by high moral standards reinforces a girl or woman as right, proper, and courageous. Not living that way makes her easy prey for abuse by boys and men. [284]

829. If she’s easy with sex, she’s of doubtful quality to the Marrying Man. [284]

830. Morality serves women and children much more than men. Highly moral cultural values apply pressure on everyone to make society more female friendly. [284]

 

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