Her Highness Beloved triggers this post. We previously differed on this point. Men learn how to love a woman from mothers, girls, and other women in their lives. Or else, they don’t satisfy women in matters of love.
Beloved responds by first quoting me: “‘Have women forgotten how to love a man?’ Please explain what this looks like in as complete and simplistic terms as you can. Because how are women supposed to know this if no one teaches them? See, it goes both ways, doesn’t it?”
Nope, nowhere near both ways. The sexes are very different regarding the subject of love. First, loving both self and others is fundamental to the female nature. Second, loving self and someone is uppermost in the female mind. Third, women learn how to love a man from their mothers, generation to generation. Men are into none of that.
Men are born to love what they accomplish, do, and pursue. They have the ability to love others, but it requires development to match female-type love; that is, enough to satisfy a woman. Nevertheless, for practical if no other reason, men use the name of love as expedient to get their way with women. He can be devoted and even bonded with a woman, but a man’s true love arises out of only one event—his decision to marry as described at 2558.
Back to Beloved’s challenge. How have women forgotten to love a man? They do wrong things or don’t do right things. Here are many examples.
A woman has forgotten when she DOESN’T:
- Follow her heart about loving her man, but instead follows and copies the attitudes she sees in popular media, fashionable customs, feminist venues, and women’s mags.
- Withhold blame and accusations until her patience shows up as angelic to her.
- Let modesty, feminine grace, and female mystery govern her actions even after marriage.
- Allow him to govern present day matters with her patience and ability to compensate long term.
- Plan and shape the future of their relationship ahead of time.
- Admire him for who he is, what he does, and how he faces up to fulfilling his responsibilities.
- Admire his sense of duty.
- Admire his husbanding and fathering abilities.
- Accept that self-respect is to men what self-love is to women.
- Accept that a man’s accomplishments to satisfy himself are as meaningful to him as a woman sharing her love with someone else.
- Recognize that a man’s accomplishments reinforce his self-respect; when it gets low, he has little respect to show someone else such as his wife.
- See this connection: Men are motivated to admire themselves by accomplishing things until they are satisfied. On arrival from his job daily, he is satisfied and expects to recover with R&R—unless he decides otherwise and faces up to another duty.
She has forgotten how to love when she:
- Thinks her magnificent words of love will overcome their ups and downs.
- Fashions their attitude around feminist dogma and popular opinion.
- Ignores or disputes him on matters about present-day affairs.
- Compares him against celebrities or other men. Even if he comes out favorable, it’s bad practice because it’s habit forming for her.
- Admires other men or masculine habits that her man doesn’t possess.
- Tries to manipulate him, especially by withholding sex.
- Fails to stamp out blame in both family and relationship.
- Expects to motivate him with guilt.
- Tries to keep him happy; men don’t do happy. They do satisfied.
- Contradicts him in front of others.
- Expects him to make her happy. First, it’s her responsibility. Second, her happiness flows out of her gratitude and little else.
- Expects him to mother the children; he can’t find satisfaction in copying mom, which means that his sense of self-admiration takes a hit.
In the matter of love, women are proactive, men passive, and women tirelessly try to make men more active. It’s that way because women have all the talent and skill for loving someone. It’s their mission in life, while men have to develop love of someone mostly on the fly until they marry and settle down. Even then they can remain beginners for life.
I could go on, but one lesson encapsulates success for women. It’s why love is never enough, and it poses the toughest question for women. Is he worth this? Does she love him enough to do this?
Men can do without love but not without satisfaction; that’s how they measure their success in life and with others. His satisfaction spells marital success, whereas her dedication to loving him may or may not.
Women can more easily distinguish satisfaction in a man’s behavior than other emotions of direct consequence to their relationship. IOW, he’s born ready to be compatible with her strength.
Consequently, success more easily follows her if she patterns their life together and governs their relationship this way. 1) Make and keep him satisfied in association with her as friend, wife, lover, cook, partner, sweetheart, mother, and the other roles she fills from time to time. 2) Make and keep him satisfied living with her. She learns to love managing their lives together, instead of continually showering him with affection that men don’t appreciate the way women do. 3) Enable him to conclude that his most significant, well-reasoned, masterful, and rewarded decision was to marry her. No man wants to leave that situation.
Out of that never-look-back decision, he concludes that his value to himself has been served in the best fashion possible. His self-admiration never ends and self-satisfaction keeps his spirits up. Expressing her love plays whatever roles and timely influences are required to keep him satisfied. Her words of love are never enough; they benefit her but her actions satisfy him.
It doesn’t get any simpler, because God designed women with the ability to breed success with a Mr. Good Enough and morph him into her Mr. Right. But love is never enough, neither hers nor his.
Finally, arguments to the contrary notwithstanding, men learn how to love from all the women that pass through their lives before they get serious about one in particular. That’s when they get the real message so essential to keep her; they have to want her first. In the end, men’s lives are governed by what they think of themselves. You can find more of that in the menu at blog top titled MANLY CLAIMS FROM BIRTH.