Category Archives: feminine

2470. Response to Milena — Part II


Your Highness Milena, I continue responding to your comment at post 2468. Yours is copied and unbold, while my response is bold.

I do care about others, of course, but I expect them to be responsible for their own happiness, as I am for mine.

A. Men don’t do happiness as women think of it. Men do satisfaction and measure it by accomplishments. Their woman provides or confirms it easiest by smiling and not complaining in his presence. I am aware of the practical impossibility; it need not be perfect, just the best she can do that keeps him satisfied as best she can help.

He can easily conclude he married the right woman, which is quite an achievement that satisfies and adds to his significance. It also helps him please her when it’s his idea and without complaint or resentment when it’s her expectation. OTOH, she possesses whatever charm, patience, understanding, guile, and wit she needs to get him to do what she wants in a manner that also satisfies him.

Of course it is demeaning to overstep someone’s boundaries and try to force them to change, but if a woman is dependent on her husband for her survival and basic needs, it makes sense that she would get anxious and controlling if he fails to provide for her in this regard or threatens to leave her. I can see all kinds of abuse sprouting from such an arrangement, especially in our current society where there is no heavy expectation for men to be loyal to their wives or to treat them with justice, and where a housewife is seen as a parasite waiting to get abused or taken advantage of. This is the reality as it is now. That’s why I don’t see it as a bad thing that both partners have their own income, so they both come from a place of independence and can demand respect and consideration without needing to use coaxing tactics from a sense of powerlessness and fear.

A. I originally responded to your whole comment this way, “Given the cultural divide today between the male and female natures, no one can fault your conclusions. I hope why and what you seek works out for you and yours.” I now add more. You are much more than prepared for much more than I suggested.

Not overnight, but men are what women convince them to become. Mothers civilize boys to respect females. Girls domesticate boys by refusing sex, which earns more respect for females and their hopes and dreams. Bachelorettes uphold feminine standards that earn respect and cause men to want to please females of every kind. Wives satisfy Mr. Good Enough into becoming Mr. Right by being a good—and not even close to perfect—person, wife, mother, friend, and R&R provider. Husbands don’t want their wife perfect, they want her likeable and him likeable to her. She earns husband’s respect and keeps her likeability by aiming to keep him satisfied—little more is required as men don’t do happy as women think of it.

You blame feminists for having a negative view of men, but at the same time it seems that men, as you describe them, have a very high tolerance for guilt and feel completely entitled to abandon their wives for someone else. I don’t see this as something very admirable.

A. Yes, men have a high tolerance for guilt. It’s good reason that women should not try to use it to motivate their man. Moreover, men both resent and resist the infliction of guilt, as it comes across as orders from female headquarters.

You’re almost right about this. Dropping one woman for another isn’t admirable—except it can easily be exactly that for the dropper.

It’s their prime motivator. Males seek self-admiration. They start something for admiration and finish it for satisfaction.

When not satisfied, they look for self-admiration by doing something they expect will satisfy. Locked in a relationship of little or no satisfaction with their woman, looking for self-admiration, and finding opportunity elsewhere, men do feel “entitled” to do something about it.

A woman’s love does not satisfy a man. It attracts and sets him up for all else that she does that don’t disturb the satisfactions he earns for himself. Example: After work he crashes on the couch with beer and clicker. He’s satisfied that he did his job. To start demanding that he do something else shows that she lacks respect for what he has just done, which disturbs his satisfaction with himself, which makes her less respected, which weakens her likeability, which weakens his love, which was never was like her love anyway and wilts even more easily after romantic love fades in a year or two.

That’s how he responds to her demands. Many demands that disturb his satisfaction with himself thus compound into less of whatever keeps his interest in her. He feels entitled to look for something more satisfying.

Men live in the present and satisfaction is their happy. Women live in the future and gratefulness is their present-day happy and foundation of future happiness.

Neither her love nor sex keeps a man with a woman. Mostly he stays because she remains likeable at keeping him satisfied in the present while she maps and plans a future that enables greater satisfaction for him. What does she get out of it? Well, if she thinks like a man, little or nothing. If she follows her nature, she fulfills something close to her girlhood her hopes and dreams. If she finds enough gratitude along the way. both in herself and others, she ends up late in life with the happiness she dreamed of so many times.

Milena, this part expanded and I shifted to three parts. I should complete it  tomorrow.

Thanks, Guy

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2469a. Response to Milena — Part I


Your Highness Milena,

Your comments at post 2468 are so clear and well thought out that I owe you more. I originally mistook it as anger. I retreat and respond by copying you  below and responding in bold and two parts.

Guy

——

Hi Sir Guy,

Doesn’t the woman give up her freedom as well as she gets married, even more than the man?

A. In the female nature, freedom is insignificant compared to that of the male. Her primal want is for someone stronger upon whom she can rely for help when needed and companionship when wanted. His primal want is for personal independence, which makes it a huge recruiting challenge for women, if they want a man of their own.

(according to the traditional view of marriage as you described, where the woman is supposed to be the flexible, easy-going one, who never complains or else.)

A. Women are naturally flexible and can and do change to get their way and what they want. Men tend to not change and especially not at a woman’s insistence (except to please a woman into yielding their first sex together).

You have not read here that women should be easy going or never complain or else. The greatest effect wives have on husbands—in order for the wife to get her way in their life together—is for him to enjoy a life of her smiles and her lack of complaining. It’s extremely simplified, but he’s in marriage mostly for satisfying R&R; she’s there to create relationships, build family togetherness, and earn happiness.

(Feminists tend to call it unequal, but just calling it that forms a bias within a couple that generates competition and makes lasting togetherness more unlikely. The more feminine and thereby smarter wives specialize in avoiding competition and getting their way with cooperation.)

Why should only the man be rewarded for [giving up freedom]?

A.Because it is so important that he can’t be recruited and held by one woman unless he’s rewarded for husbanding and fathering. Frequent and convenient access to sex is his ‘right’ earned by conquest. She gave in so he must be good enough for her. Her acceptance wins her greatest asset, so he is good enough to own their sexual agenda.

Moreover, women refuse to understand or accept this. Sex bonds her but conquest doesn’t bond him. Actually two things happen. First, his respect of her for resisting his mighty and determined effort stops growing. The growing respect she earns proportional to diligent guarding of her sexual assets ends abruptly. She’s another conquered woman, and his sex drive shifts from pursuit to whim. Second, he’s free in his mind to move on. It’s nature, whether women like it or not. So, if they don’t get ‘hooks’ of commitment deeply embedded in a man’s psyche before conquest, he may just move on without her. 

To be honest, I don’t quite see the advantages for women in getting married.

A. By nature men are present oriented and women future oriented. Marriage is the glue that fulfills her nature to mold a lasting relationship in family building. First, to have someone she can love before and care for with children around. Second, to have a mutually supportive companionship late in life. Her advantages come from the gratitude she finds and distributes along the way that earn her a sense of being happy.

As to her man, he gets whatever she provides in terms of a satisfying life together. When she does it right, she finds after a couple of decades that he has morphed into her Mr. Right, which makes her a more grateful woman. Admittedly after the fact, but that’s the life of a woman; her rewards come late in life because she lives for the future and not the present as do men.

In fact, I’m beginning to think that I’d rather not. Why should I put all this effort in trying to be a perfect wife so my husband doesn’t run off with a younger specimen, when there are so many more interesting things to do?

A. Just like with sex, the perfect wife will never be able to hold a man. Such a wife effectively pushes him out the door. Measuring by what is produced, just about anything is more interesting than trying to be the perfect wife.

My biggest fear is not to be abandoned, but to be enslaved to someone else’s wants and needs.

A. I smell feminist propaganda. What part of wanting to love someone makes thoughts of enslavement arise? Any such connection makes love impossible. In fact, true love seeks to fulfill another’s wants and needs.

This is a good point to break. Continued tomorrow as Part II.

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2468. Leftover Thoughts on Marriage — I


The following were extracted before previous articles were posted. You will doubtless find some thoughts that sound like repeats. They may well be but are worth a review.

  1. The Dark Side of Feminism changed major league marriage into bush league amateurism with little staying power for both men and women.
  2. Husbands abandon wives, because a man seeks to escape the woman that demeans his significance by decades of trying to change him.
  3. Older husbands drop first wife to capture a trophy. They long for the excitement their peers seem to have enjoyed. They seek to start over and do better; they figure they know how to restore their satisfaction as husband, father, or both.
  4. Feminism conditioned women to reject the traditional model of successful marriage on the basis that men are unfair, unacceptable, discouraging, demeaning, or worse. And so women enter it biased against success.
  5. This model worked for centuries: They marry when she’s sure of his devotion and willing to accept him as is. After marriage she makes and keeps herself worthy of him as reward for his husbanding and fathering and compensation for giving up his freedom.
  6. What does she get out of marriage? Short-range fulfillment of her aspirations of well-loved wife or long-range support for raising children and uplifting her latter years? She can have both but focusing on the latter guides her best for the early years. Her primal need is for a brighter future.
  7. Serious feminists feel equally capable of chasing and earning the man they want when they want him. They won’t sit around and wait for him to call. They hunt, prowl, and upstage men for sexual conquest. They pay little value to a man’s character but whine about his inadequacies. At best their hopes and dreams straddle the fault line between male and anti-male.

More will follow tomorrow.

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2467. Journey to Feminine — Group 18


Modern women compensate men for doing what disrupts family life. Ladylike standards and gentlemanly behavior are dead. Chivalry is mocked by women cursing men. Male sexual freedom shows few restraints. Erotic attire spreads the urge to merge. Immodesty, female sexual initiative, and promiscuity prevent earning masculine respect. Male character strengths weaken as less family responsibility provides less reinforcement. Strong sense of family responsibility melts when alongside an attractive woman other than wife.

Being there are two kinds of women, feminist and feminine, the foregoing describes the results that feminists have produced with each generation becoming looser than the previous. The feminine woman knows, learns, does, and expects to produce different results; she aims to create family and raise kids to be good adults rather than good adolescents aka adultolescents in adulthood. I present a few more ways in which feminine women get their way as wives by fulfilling their hopes and dreams.

  1. The feminine woman knows that men do not change to please a woman. However, men will morph into some other persona to conquer her. If she holds him off for months until his new persona becomes habit, the change can be permanent but not likely otherwise.
  2. The feminine woman knows that hormones can trump intentions in the young, and so as mother she provides guidance that prevents bad intentions from developing into habits, from which good intentions are strengthened against hormonal influence.
  3. The feminine woman senses and common sense reinforces that unmarried sex by other women threatens and premarital sex for her are counter-productive to her future. She can do nothing about the former but avoids the latter to help offset outside threats to her home.
  4. The feminine woman controls a lengthy sex-free courtship by insisting that he prove himself worthy of her. He has to ‘earn her hand’. In the process she learns his strengths and weaknesses, how to appreciate and deal with his character, and how to swivel his dominant nature into helping fulfill her hopes and dreams.

Femininity opens female minds to get what they want instead of what they don’t want. It enables women to more diligently use their natural strengths, relationship genius, and ability to identify good men, screen for Mr. Good Enough, and upgrade him after years of marriage into their own Mr. Right.

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2466. Journey to Feminine — Group 17


I open this post with a paradox. Because love is so vital to the female psyche, they think it equally important to men. Not so. A woman’s admiration is far more influential than her love, when it comes to focusing a man’s attention on a woman. In fact, repeatedly expressing her infinite love makes a man suspicious; what’s she really after?

  1. A married man expects frequent and convenient access to sex. The feminine-oriented wife knows it’s a requirement that she accepts as her obligation to turn it into satisfaction for him and contentment for her. (Unless truly devoted to her, she has to gently induce him to want to become a better lover. He instinctively knows how to fornicate and so he’s convinced by his nature that he’s a great lover.)
  2. The feminine wife rewards her man for husbanding and fathering and works to inspire him to grow his sense of responsibility in ways that satisfy him and add to his significance. She does it as compensation for giving up his independence, or he will want it back.
  3. The male nature expects to be respected by females. The feminine woman looks for strengths and qualities to respect individuals, and admiration is more effective than love.
  4. She develops the feminine belief or understands that she has to earn the respect of a man to gain his love. To keep him, she must respect him as a person, a man, and for his roles in life; it’s the basis to keep husband’s focus on her as he also looks for her dependence on and gratitude for him.
  5. The feminine wife listens to sister wives and what they eventually learn. That is, husband is most satisfied when she smiles all the time in his presence and does not complain. And so smarter wives start early in marriage to live with the mission to do exactly that. She has to learn to forgive herself for departures, mistakes, and inconsistencies, and tries ever harder to stick to that mission. Success enables hubby to see only sparkling behavior for which he assumes credit for having chosen so astutely.
  6. The feminine wife does not try to change husband’s natural male dominance but gently sets it aside and out of her way with female intelligence, patience, and dedication to keep her man.
  7. The feminine woman knows that criticizing other men indirectly influences hubby against her, if he responds in their defense. (It opens the door to competing, which wife should avoid.)
  8. Feminine women may not know the name Pygmalion Effect, but they understand and take advantage of this principle. People become like those with whom they associate and live up to the expectations of others. Moreover, they tend to become what they are repeatedly accused of, are called, or identified as action figures.
  9. The feminine woman understands that what people proclaim of themselves becomes factual or more real. Examples: Frequently claiming “I’m tired” or “I’m broke” or “I’m working my way through college” brings on more of the same. (We get what we think about most of the time, and thinking of what we don’t want is counter-productive.)
  10. The feminine woman has good common sense; she trusts her instinct and intuition. She knows she’s better than men, and so she deserves the best man who proves his worth by earning her hand. Others are not good enough to be fruitful at fulfilling her interests, hopes, and dreams.

Men grow up getting used to getting their way; later in life they are willing to slack off a little, to mellow about decision-making. As men ‘downsize’ so to speak, women—also born to get their way—upgrade their ambitions. Smoothing out that mutual morphing is the long suit of the feminine wife. Her attitude stretches marital longevity by keeping her man satisfied with his mate.

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2463. Journey to Feminine — Group 15


I continue trying to make feminine-think more beneficial to women than feminist-think.

  • Listen closely to what men have to say about their gender as if it’s all great news. Then call their bluff and expect them to prove it. (Keep them off balance so they can’t interrogate you or talk about sex.)
  • It’s overstated that men are the enemy. Question them to bring them over to the female side. By acknowledging their importance with friendliness, you also earn their respect. (Keep them uncomfortable, if they can get into your mind they can get in your panties.)
  • The feminine woman knows not to blame a man, at least not verbalize it. It puts him on the defensive and establishes the need to prove her wrong and nothing else registers with him until he wins in some form of a final encounter. (It also applies to cheating but that opens a whole new subject.)
  • With so many women open to provide sex to married men, pressures mount for husbands to cheat. Feminine wives know their best hope is to trust first and ‘spectacularize’ their own fidelity and remain silent about doubt and suspicion. Does it work? Over the long run the end results favor the wife, because confrontation shifts the high ground to him.
  • Feminine women listen only to men about Feminism. They look for ways to assuage the blame inflicted on men and the guilt aimed at them, which they assertively and even aggressively resist. They confirm that only men know how men should, would, or could act, and that feminine women understand.
  • Feminine mothers bring up daughters to please father, especially with old school maturity-before-sex rather than new school sex-before-maturity. When daughters live up to father’s expectations, they mature better and don’t lose their identity in adolescence. It also develops their intuitive ability to hold onto one man later in life.
  • Feminine women hide their superior role by not competing with husband, by celebrating husband’s accomplishments, and by complimenting his sense of significance among others. It highlights and justifies an us-centered cooperative rather than a self-centered competitive spirit. Proactively filling such a role confirms a man’s sense of significance, any loss of which is his greatest fear and especially loss of face to his wife.
  • Feminine women promote chastity, honor lengthy courtship, and highly value marital longevity. It keeps the Marrying Man on track to earn what he seeks, a unique wife.
  • Feminine women claim dependence on their man and keep looking for ways to be grateful, both of which reflect respect that every man expects from his woman. It also encourages his sense of family responsibility.

And so, it ain’t easy to be feminine in today’s marketplace and domestic scene. But outcomes benefit women by more easily pleasing than blaming men.

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2462. Journey to Feminine — Group 14


Politically inspired and following their propaganda, feminists make up their own initiatives and deal with men and mates combatively. Relationships crumble and disintegrate under the competitive pressures of feminists refusing to quit, and men refusing to lose. Feminine women tend toward the opposite.

  1. Feminine women exploit their inborn patience to find, capture, and keep a man. They screen for quality of character, especially integrity and sense of responsibility; healthy habits, good work ethic, and heart willing to share.
  2. Where masculine strengths and manly civility are purposely not appreciated, men resent, resist, and sometimes retaliate. Respect of females is lost, as women yield their relationship skills to follow the feminist-inspired, sex-themed pop culture. It’s not that way with highly feminine women; they know that unearned appreciation works best for women. It also helps make them unique.
  3. Except for a man who falls in love at first sight, devotion forms over time from his actions to purposely please a woman, and it later doubles in strength when he learns that he’s pleased just to be pleasing her.
  4. Femininity teaches women to be chaste and therefore respectable, patient and therefore undemanding, and likeable and loyal and therefore loveable.
  5. Today’s relationships worsen in the modern world of masculine-style sexual freedom for females. Men and women first meet, interact, and even date. He initiates attention and persuasion. She follows by providing unobligated sex just for fun and lust, to see if she can ‘earn’ a boyfriend, or to see if she can get an obligation that could lead to marriage. She may even initiate somewhere along the line. It’s an attitude that fails for women trying to keep the man they lure and capture.
  6. Modern women lower their taste and expectations in men just to have a boyfriend or husband. Men lower their taste for what’s attractive, which turns more women into  disposables after conquest. That’s the popular model, but the feminine woman finds it distasteful, unattractive, and contrary to her expectations for her future life.
  7. Without a man, women find misery. With a husband, they often find misery. Which is the worst? Alone or with somebody? Her feminine intuition pushes a good woman to forget the misery and search and find satisfaction and gratitude. Whatever we think about, we get more of it.
  8. A sex-based relationship that women expect to work proves different than expected. At first blush, her anchor seems to hold him. Inevitable societal effects lead men to focus on more than one woman at a time. Then, as husbands shift focus to another blossom, wives retaliate by seeking escape from misery with a man to misery without one.

Feminists seek to be in charge in the foreground, to wrestle for control of present events, which is a man’s territory. They copy the masculine drive to compete and use legal combat and government pressure to gain dominance over men. It’s short-range thinking that leads to relationship disruptions and intolerance.

The feminine woman seeks to be in charge in the background, where she is better positioned to calm present-day upheavals and brighten future events and developments. Her feminine nature favors generating peace and cooperation with men and her man. She seeks to capture and exploit her man’s masculinity, incur favor, solicit support, and maintain domestic well-being. Her feminine-oriented relationship expertise produces success with those objectives.

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