Your Highness Milena, I continue responding to your comment at post 2468. Yours is copied and unbold, while my response is bold.
I do care about others, of course, but I expect them to be responsible for their own happiness, as I am for mine.
A. Men don’t do happiness as women think of it. Men do satisfaction and measure it by accomplishments. Their woman provides or confirms it easiest by smiling and not complaining in his presence. I am aware of the practical impossibility; it need not be perfect, just the best she can do that keeps him satisfied as best she can help.
He can easily conclude he married the right woman, which is quite an achievement that satisfies and adds to his significance. It also helps him please her when it’s his idea and without complaint or resentment when it’s her expectation. OTOH, she possesses whatever charm, patience, understanding, guile, and wit she needs to get him to do what she wants in a manner that also satisfies him.
Of course it is demeaning to overstep someone’s boundaries and try to force them to change, but if a woman is dependent on her husband for her survival and basic needs, it makes sense that she would get anxious and controlling if he fails to provide for her in this regard or threatens to leave her. I can see all kinds of abuse sprouting from such an arrangement, especially in our current society where there is no heavy expectation for men to be loyal to their wives or to treat them with justice, and where a housewife is seen as a parasite waiting to get abused or taken advantage of. This is the reality as it is now. That’s why I don’t see it as a bad thing that both partners have their own income, so they both come from a place of independence and can demand respect and consideration without needing to use coaxing tactics from a sense of powerlessness and fear.
A. I originally responded to your whole comment this way, “Given the cultural divide today between the male and female natures, no one can fault your conclusions. I hope why and what you seek works out for you and yours.” I now add more. You are much more than prepared for much more than I suggested.
Not overnight, but men are what women convince them to become. Mothers civilize boys to respect females. Girls domesticate boys by refusing sex, which earns more respect for females and their hopes and dreams. Bachelorettes uphold feminine standards that earn respect and cause men to want to please females of every kind. Wives satisfy Mr. Good Enough into becoming Mr. Right by being a good—and not even close to perfect—person, wife, mother, friend, and R&R provider. Husbands don’t want their wife perfect, they want her likeable and him likeable to her. She earns husband’s respect and keeps her likeability by aiming to keep him satisfied—little more is required as men don’t do happy as women think of it.
You blame feminists for having a negative view of men, but at the same time it seems that men, as you describe them, have a very high tolerance for guilt and feel completely entitled to abandon their wives for someone else. I don’t see this as something very admirable.
A. Yes, men have a high tolerance for guilt. It’s good reason that women should not try to use it to motivate their man. Moreover, men both resent and resist the infliction of guilt, as it comes across as orders from female headquarters.
You’re almost right about this. Dropping one woman for another isn’t admirable—except it can easily be exactly that for the dropper.
It’s their prime motivator. Males seek self-admiration. They start something for admiration and finish it for satisfaction.
When not satisfied, they look for self-admiration by doing something they expect will satisfy. Locked in a relationship of little or no satisfaction with their woman, looking for self-admiration, and finding opportunity elsewhere, men do feel “entitled” to do something about it.
A woman’s love does not satisfy a man. It attracts and sets him up for all else that she does that don’t disturb the satisfactions he earns for himself. Example: After work he crashes on the couch with beer and clicker. He’s satisfied that he did his job. To start demanding that he do something else shows that she lacks respect for what he has just done, which disturbs his satisfaction with himself, which makes her less respected, which weakens her likeability, which weakens his love, which was never was like her love anyway and wilts even more easily after romantic love fades in a year or two.
That’s how he responds to her demands. Many demands that disturb his satisfaction with himself thus compound into less of whatever keeps his interest in her. He feels entitled to look for something more satisfying.
Men live in the present and satisfaction is their happy. Women live in the future and gratefulness is their present-day happy and foundation of future happiness.
Neither her love nor sex keeps a man with a woman. Mostly he stays because she remains likeable at keeping him satisfied in the present while she maps and plans a future that enables greater satisfaction for him. What does she get out of it? Well, if she thinks like a man, little or nothing. If she follows her nature, she fulfills something close to her girlhood her hopes and dreams. If she finds enough gratitude along the way. both in herself and others, she ends up late in life with the happiness she dreamed of so many times.
Milena, this part expanded and I shifted to three parts. I should complete it tomorrow.