- Women share self-love but men don’t share self-respect; it must be earned. Women only have to show sincere interest in a man to start earning it. He quickly presumes she would also be interested in his greatness, and he proceeds if she will listen attentively, which he interprets as respectfully. It’s how women meet men successfully. He talks, she listens.
- If females want to do better, they should be much quieter about themselves. Full disclosure kills mystery and nullifies challenges. Women improve both performance and luck by being reluctant to talk about themselves while showing sincere interest in each man.
- Men tire easily when listening to women who seldom stop. As if they have ADHD, their mind wanders away or to something they want to say. Sensitive women learn how to compensate.
- Poor communication is often cited for a couple’s problems. It’s result more than cause. Personality no longer likeable, unrespected mate, or mismatched self-interest is more likely the cause.
- Conquest stops a conquered woman earning any more of a man’s respect, the unconditional kind that lasts for life. He paid whatever price she demanded and expects to ‘own’ her and their sexual agenda.
Category Archives: Fickle female
Perfectionism is a domestic disease that cripples homes and families. Women are susceptible.
Too many girls are raised to be perfectionists. For example, perfectionist at loving someone; expecting to be loved perfectly by her definition of how a man should love her; or maintaining her perfectly appointed and cared for home, kids, family, or marriage. IOW, she likes herself according to how hard she tries to be perfect.
Pushing her perfectionism onto others will likely see her fail the test of successful wife, mother, or both. If a woman needs to make anyone or anything perfect, she should first develop her feminine qualities and attributes as described in Female Blessings from Birth at the top of blog articles.
Those blessings can help any woman be considered great as female, woman, wife, mother, friend, and lover. That is, as close as she can get to being perfect in the eyes of others. It amounts to this. She’s near-perfect when others see little need for her improvement at making females feel good about their importance and males to admire who they are and what they do. Everyone develops themselves, and the ‘perfect’ wife and mom is the woman who helps them develop as they seek to follow their dreams.
A woman has no need to be perfect for her man. She only needs to keep him satisfied with her, their way of life, their kids, and with himself. It means she only has to keep herself satisfied that those around her are developing well and satisfied with progress toward their dreams and what they hope to become or do.
If she expects perfection out of herself or others, she becomes the judge and jury and runs her domestic show with grating noise instead of feminine music well-harmonized. As she tries to get anyone to be more like her, trying to be perfect in thought or deed, she ignores this fact of life. Perfection is impossible. Pursuing it in any form grounds relationships on the sharp, slashing coral reefs that surround home and life.
Any mature man worthy of being depended on as a mate has certain traits that make up his worthiness. It’s not what a woman sees on the outside. When screening men, a woman should expect that these convictions exist within.
- His self-respect exceeds his respect of others until each person earns much more than he originally detects and judges. (Women differ.)
- He’s committed to successful accomplishments in his life. He expects to achieve what he aims at, and he works and perhaps fights hard to avoid failing or defer failure.
- He knows he’s already good enough for any woman that will have him as her mate and lover. Consequently, he expects to fittingly sell himself to win a likeable object of his respect, lust, or love.
- He does things and thinks and worries about physical connections. (Women differ.)
- A likeable woman remains that as long as he’s satisfied with who she is and what she does. His initial feelings and the respect she earns make her likeable, but his satisfaction rests more on masculine values and expectations than her feelings about him.
- He judges her by what he thinks. (Women differ.)
- He seeks self-satisfaction that tends to confirm his admiration as a man. (Women differ.)
- His prime mission in life is to keep himself satisfied with who he is, what he does, and who he does it with. (Women differ.)
Then, he marries the most likeable woman who earns his respect for who she is and what she does and can do, which are his personal standards for living with someone. IOW, her feelings about him are secondary to his expectations.
Consequently, he marries a woman good enough when they meet at the altar. But does she remain so? Does he remain satisfied with 1) committing himself to his altar-mate? 2) Devoting his life to their future together? 3) Preparing for what he can become with her dedicated to support his life? 4) Promising to brighten her future? It remains to be seen as married life unfolds.
The root cause of husband’s venturing into the cheating game lies here. Wife becomes different than husband expects. She sees him differently once he’s legally obligated. She doesn’t treat him as in courtship. She finds fault with him or his efforts. She spotlights his weaknesses and tries to do something about them. She imposes guilt trying to change him. She nags and criticizes and expects his reactions to favor her expectations. She tries to recover from having not screened him well enough, from having chosen wrongly. In short, she acts childishly to make him appear childish.
Women focus so hard on capturing a husband that they don’t screen adequately or know themselves well enough to be the good wife, defined by husbands as the one he courted and who acts the same before and after marriage.
IOW, he’s not the man she intended or hoped to marry and she intends to improve him, confirm that he’s not worthy of her, or recover the best she can. A little room exists within the character of a husband to permit her ‘recovery’ tactics. But not a lot.
He detects lack of respect, ingratitude, and unwillingness to depend on him. All of which corrupts her likeability and his sense of satisfaction living with her.
The more she becomes different from his bride’s behavior, the more quickly he considers looking elsewhere for the recognition that he thinks he deserves. Wife cheats him of his dignity, self-satisfaction, and consequent self-admiration, and his cheating on her is the most easily recognized method for husband’s recovery, respite, or revenge.
WADWMUFGAO. When wife feels good putting him down, he finds recovery outside the home. Hence, the root cause of husbandly infidelity is wifely dissatisfaction with husband’s inability to live up to her expectations that in all probability changed after the ceremony.
Q. What should wives avoid to keep husband at home?
A. Avoiding the wrongs described in earlier posts and below tend to satisfy husband with himself. As wife keeps husband satisfied on home matters, he has less interest to be out searching. By focusing on only two objectives, she can build a daily process that tends to keep hubby faithful. 1) She keeps him satisfied with her and who she is to him. 2) She keeps him satisfied that living with her beats his other options. Guaranteed to prevent cheating? Nope, but it reduces the odds magnificently and emotional infidelity even more.
Here are some more female actions that work contrary to a husband’s expectations.
- Belittling, criticizing, or condemning who he is or isn’t, what he does or doesn’t do, or why he’s unable to earn her gratitude makes her unlikeable as mate and suspicious of her loyalty to him.
- Loss of her likeability drives a man to find someone more likeable. It’s proportional. The more unlikeable she becomes, the more he yearns for someone more likeable and newly loyal. It’s the most satisfying outlet to restore satisfaction with himself for living his life with her.
- Trying too hard to please him or not to fail in their relationship, she doesn’t stand up for herself and loses his respect. She appears unlikeable. Finding the right balance of respect and trust that satisfies mutual likeability is one of her greatest marital obligations.
- Doubt expressed about his loyalty to her, children, or their relationship casts her doubt on his likeability. Seeing himself viewed as unlikeable interrupts or casts doubt on his satisfaction with himself living with her.
- He presumes from her complaints that he’s somehow responsible or she wouldn’t be complaining; she would take care of it. Or, perhaps, she complains about something in which he has no interest. He reads it that she doesn’t understand him, seeks to relieve her tensions, or makes herself feel good by unloading her multitude of thoughts. It confuses him, leaves him ignorant of what to do, because he can’t read her feelings in the way she reads his.
- Husband sees wife as jealous or envious of other women. When her distrust of his loyalty is obvious, it reduces her likeability.
- Husband and wife differ on what’s said and what’s intended versus what’s heard and what’s taken to heart. Women prefer full disclosure about matters of mutual interest, but husband’s interest is much more narrow and it frustrates her. Gratitude is the mother of female happiness, but frustration is the father of female determination to make things different, which causes wives to change or seek to change him, either of which disappoints a husband.
- Her love of him is a major ingredient for holding her tightly in marriage. However, it’s never enough for him. Satisfaction with himself is more important than her love. The more she depends entirely on words rather than actions about her committed love, the less impressive or convincing is her likeability.
She has both an instinctive and intuitive ability to detect her man’s inner feelings and know how to alter them, how to convert dissatisfaction to satisfaction with her and their life together.
And if she says ‘why’? He isn’t worth it. Why should I do all the work? What about me and my needs? Well, if he isn’t worth it, she vetted him poorly or she treated him such that he or she or both have become less likeable.
Moreover, which of her needs outweigh keeping her man? As she changes to satisfy herself, she becomes a woman he did not marry. Men don’t change after marriage, but women mistakenly expect they can make it happen. Women change after marriage, although men expect that they won’t.
By keeping him satisfied with her and living together and without his even thinking about it, he concludes that he’s satisfied with himself in marriage, which confirms that his decision to propose they marry was the right thing to do. He also concludes that living with her is superior to living by himself or with someone else. It discourages his thoughts of cheating. His conclusions result from her actions more than her words about loving him.
Q. What should wives avoid to keep husband at home?
A. The strongest magnets in the marital world are these. Her likeability to him and his likeability to her as he sees it reflected from what she does — more than what she says — to keep him satisfied with himself. Men lack but women possess the relationship expertise to make all that happen. Consequently, wife has to take charge. She has to keep herself likeable to him and show that he’s likeable to her by doing whatever it takes to keep him satisfied with himself. It’s how she runs the marital show.
By maximizing mutual likeability, smarter wives generate the greatest insurance against their man cheating. By following just a few of the ‘wrongs’ described below, less-alert wives may encourage masculine infidelity.
The less-feminine woman can much too easily drive her man to cheat. She doesn’t care or can’t understand how her actions program husband against her interests. Actions and words that wife considers necessary very often register differently with hubby. For example, husband’s reactions to her unsolicited advice, recurring complaints, and constructive criticism cripple her likeability.
The bullets that follow describe what wives do contrary to husbandly interests that adversely impact mutual likeability and initiate husband’s thoughts of another woman. When a man is dissatisfied with his woman, self-satisfaction as a man becomes more important to him than that of a husband. IOW, for example, if wife tends to emasculate him, he looks to restore his self-image as a man rather than as a husband.
Here are some examples that work contrary to a husband’s interests.
- She loses or never had enough self-gratitude as a woman to make a good wife. She feels undeserving. She finds fault in life and blames others rather than finding gratefulness for who she is and what she has. Mutual likeability declines.
- She doesn’t respect husband enough for who he is as person, man, husband, friend, lover, and father. She caught him but now considers him to be inadequate, at least partially. She probably could have done better, which curtails her pride in him and reduces her potential to be faithful as he views her loyalty. Her likeability declines.
- She doesn’t depend on him enough for what he does as provider, protector, producer, fixer-upper, and rescuer when they need a recovery. Thus, she effectively admits that he’s less than necessary and under appreciated. She’s less likeable.
- Some wives continually complain about far too much. Husbands have one of three reactions: a) What he can fix, he does. b) What he can’t fix, he feels guilty because he can’t relieve his woman’s disappointment. Men don’t accept guilt from someone else and he resents it. c) Her complaints amount to just chatter or gossip that are meaningless to him. By not learning how he reacts to her complaints, she begins to complain about his having too little empathy or paying too little attention to her. New complaints trigger the same reactions as before.
- She doesn’t express her gratitude enough for how he enhances their life together. She takes him too far down the road that she abhors for herself—she takes him for granted. Men don’t argue against being taken for granted. However, when it morphs into his dissatisfaction with who he is and what he does, her likeability begins to fade.
- Because she doesn’t get enough attention and affection, he doesn’t live up to her expectations. She thinks he doesn’t deserve a lot of respect, confirmation of her dependence, and her gratitude. Mutual likeability declines.
- If her expectations change after they marry, she becomes a different woman than the bride he expected to live with. It disappoints a husband and weakens her likeability.
- She feels denied his attention, affection, and recognition of her contributions and importance. It programs her heart with resentment, resistance, and eventual bitterness. She questions the rightness of husband’s presence in her life. If he detects it, he takes offense, feels dissatisfied, and her likeability shrinks.
- She begrudges his always getting his way in present-day matters. Her competitive spirit drives her to resent him, even though he’s willing to let her run their relationship as she aims it into the future. Resentment poisons a woman’s likeability.
In short, the heart and mind that governs a wife’s life on behalf of wedded harmony determines how her marriage will proceed and succeed. Husband is in charge of keeping them together as a couple, she’s in charge of making married life worthwhile and satisfying.
There’s an old navy abbreviation, O.B.E.—overtaken by events, obsolete, and no longer expected to work as previously.
The feminist changeover of America grows older and bolder, and it makes knowledge of sex differences OBE. Interest in this blog also becomes OBE.
Trends tell us what’s coming. Dating is well on the road to becoming outmoded. By way of meeting and greeting others, friendly hook up rises in popularity. Immature college campus values and standards now convert mainstream maturity to immaturity under the excuse of feminist-think.
In the feminist model of cultural change, restrictions on sexual encounters move toward personal taste and away from moral, religious, and female-friendly principles. It foretells two effects:
1) One’s taste varies greatly compared to living by standards and principles, and so it foreshadows relationships that struggle without a backdrop of firm beliefs to guide the partners.
2) In the not too-distant future, and perhaps already here, less than highly attractive women will be less likely to find a suitable mate. A man’s taste begins with a woman’s appearance and is enhanced by her virtues. Sex without the experience of chaste dating means no incentive to discover her weaknesses that lead to conquest, which would normally lead to his uncovering qualities he can admire, aka virtues. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman, but if a man has no need to discover her weaknesses, her virtues don’t appear to him. Men don’t look for virtues, they discover them in the process of dating and trying to bed her. Without discovering her virtues and they subsequently marry, he does so with too little info to stick with her. His taste changes when romantic love fades, for example, and she’s not virtuous enough to keep him attached.
Women expect to develop successful relationships, but without dating they have little with which to negotiate and manage their relationships. They can plead old school cultural values and standards, rules that granny passed down, but those are OBE since the earliest stages of feminist-think.
Female interest in sex differences fade as feminist-think convinces women that men are no darn good as currently positioned in society. Consequently, feminist-inspired women either act like men or disrespectfully ignore how men are different.
Powerful feminist-dedicated women capture and hold wimpish men alongside. Less powerful women go with hopes and dreams unfulfilled. By exploiting sex differences, every woman has power over a man. By the female gender exploiting feminist values, standards, and expectations, many women are rendered powerless because it works contrary to their feminine nature and initiates confusion. A confused woman can’t hold a good man as her mate, so she looks for other options.
Since society is what we all do and culture is why we do it, feminists have conquered the culture and convinced us that men are no good and women should rule. Men have not been asked but forced to play the feminist game. The repercussions may not be pretty for women; men have been known to serve revenge on a cold platter. I daily see the lack of manly respect being shown to women; they are valued no more highly than other men. It may get worse.
This post began as a plea for questions about the no-dating scene and how women can become successful dealing with men in the quickie hook-up arena. I seek new info about what’s happening across society, so I can figure out how women can be more successful when sex differences aren’t recognized as important.
I welcome all questions and anecdotes about what’s happening as dating becomes OBE.
- Masculine-style sexual freedom practiced by females inflicts potential damage on the institutions of marriage, faithful husbanding, and responsible fathering—all of high interest to women. The male nature is hardwired to respond to potential conquests made abundant by female behavior.
- If men pay no high investment of self, sex is cheap and easy. In the case of conquest, vagina is target and holds his dedicated interest. By enabling access, women easily water down their own worth and magnetic appeal. Female attractiveness goes for nought, when his access to vagina costs little or nothing
- Female virginity is under- and male virginity over-valued by modern women. With women, experience counts. If a man is not experienced, other women found him of little appeal. If significantly experienced, a woman’s competitors judge him appealing, which makes him more desirable.
- Men desire females that other men have not had. With him, it’s competitively beating out all those other guys. So, it’s not purity to men so much as her sexual inexperience by which he can (a) imagine his personal prowess with little fear of comparison and (b) anticipate her fidelity to him. 
- Female gentleness is far removed from a weakness. To men it’s unique and mysterious. Much like modesty, it defies understanding and grows its own appeal.
- Women are born hard-headed and soft-hearted. Men are born hardened in both regimes. When her beliefs are narrow or little, mushy thinking pushes her to believe in anything. It defines soft-headedness and causes hard-heartedness in females.
- Mutual love makes marital living negotiable but not necessarily compatible, which depends more on mutual likeability and mutual loyalty—the ingredients of manly love.
- The sexes have opposing and competing strains of A.D.D. Women suffer from Affection Deficit Disorder. Men ignore their Affection Delivery Disorder unless taught as boys and teens to frequently speak of their gratitude to the females in their everyday lives. It needs to become habit to please females.
- It’s needed to replace romantic love that fades after a year or two. A man’s enduring love arises from the foundation of his respect for an exceptional woman and her likeability as a supportive mate. A woman’s enduring love arises from her gratefulness for who and what her man means to her in both the present and especially the future.
- Negative influences too easily compound to poison love. Infidelity, disrespect, nagging, abuse, lack of affection of her, and ungratefulness for him come quickly to mind. The continual repeating of one or a few negative influences shatters the major foundations of masculine love—respect, likeability, dependency, and gratitude. Love bleeds out through the cracks.