Category Archives: Her glory

2676. Q&A for Women — 01


Over the years women requested that I disclose men’s failings that contribute to marital breakdown. Some look to justify blame and others tire of my describing only wifely motivations. I usually respond that the man’s story is for another time and place. I’ve decided its here and now. Remember, this describes the basis of the male nature as born, not how men appear as they make themselves look good to women and feel good about themselves.

Q.  Why do men avoid marriage?

A.  They see too few ways to satisfy themselves; too many restrictions on doing man-things and too many female-things that provide little satisfaction through manly accomplishments. A man’s goal in life is to keep himself satisfied with himself. Taking on responsibility for a marriage appears self-defeating, until a woman convinces him otherwise.

Q.  What makes a husband dissatisfied with himself?

A. The events, conditions, and environment that surround his life and produce results with which he can no longer live. If married, it may be time to leave. If not, it may be time to marry. It takes a woman deserving of his devotion to change his game plan.

Q. Do men consider the wife to be responsible to keep their marriage together?

A. No, husbands are responsible for two reasons. Being stronger, he should be in charge which also presumes responsible. Also, men don’t take on responsibility with any thought of failing. Asking for her hand, therefore, includes self-promise that he will rule and won’t fail. He expects to supervise the way she runs the show to make everything come together, manage their relationship as couple, and merge children into a harmonious family. He expects her to exploit her superior ability in those marital matters. The better she keeps him satisfied with himself, the more she gets her way, and the less he supervises. His measure of success is that he’s satisfied with himself for what he’s doing, which amounts to three things. He’s satisfied with who she is, what she does, and for accomplishing that for which he is responsible. On that last matter, he measures his satisfaction from her displaying respect of him, dependence on him, and gratitude for what he does.

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2668. Superior vs. Dominant Gender — 01


I sense a rant coming on. When sex is everything, no room exists for recovery. Example, what does relationship recovery look like for women today? We are six or seven sub-generations* deep into Feminism. Is it paying off for women in their relationships with men?

Modern women don’t know jack about Jack and not enough about Jill. The sexes are born very different, yet cultural and political trending add constant pressure for them to be more alike. Unisex is no longer a popular term, but the pressure to achieve it is certainly common. (Toilets according to personal preference?)

Women routinely let a man’s sexual pleasure—and perhaps some claimed by her—to substitute for what they can no longer get reliably out of one man. Examples: brighter future for her, permanent relationship, mutual respect, mutual love, likeability based on persona rather than sexual compatibility, sexual fidelity, his duty to stay following a surprise pregnancy, fulfilled moral obligations, dependence on him, two-parent home, fathering their children, he provides and protects, family leadership, lifetime marriage. Oh, she might get a few of those, but her nature craves all of those benefits to be available with one man in her life.

Women can’t get what they want out of players and modern men, unless they agree that sex is everything or at least enough. Men don’t have much more to offer, because they don’t have too. Women are too liberal with their expectations about men. They can’t get their way except temporarily by yielding, can’t get what they expect to get except as they play the man’s game of cheap and easy sex. They rationalize that it’s enough in order to have their own man or avoid being dumped. They also swallow their pride, self-respect, and ability to negotiate for a better life for her and her kids.

Women themselves destroy the worth of their natural superiority at virtually no cost to men. No negotiations about obligations; just give aways that enable men to always win in the present but women lose for their future. Men by nature manage the present but ignore the future; they can handle whatever comes, which in itself—if not influenced by a well-loved woman—is enough to ruin a woman’s future.

Both sexes are born to get their way associating with other people. Jill straddles the wave of sexual freedom with legs spread, while Jack enjoys the greatest unobligated pleasures. Jack keeps promoting endless sex by endorsing political propaganda, media culture, and masculine habits of dealing with conquered females as disposables. Women fall for it, and men and women become enemies pretty much as planned by radical feminists and political revolutionaries more than half a century ago.

Women destroy their superior ability by favoring male dominance. They lower themselves to the level of men for the pleasure of sex and thereby lift responsibility from men to help care for their offspring. Men will keep forever the lid on that jar of life.

Only the crossing of female legs outside of marriage can restore a woman-governed society as once existed in America. Only marriage-obligated sex can recover manly respect of females, enable femininity to overpower feminist thought, enable men to appreciate ruling the marriage and family while wife runs both, and make it happen by utilizing the natural superiority of the female sex.

We are all born to get our way with others, which means that competition is the lifeblood of human interaction. Calm and peaceful competition depends on mutual respect, each gender for the other. Those days are long past; single men have virtually no respect for females, as evidenced by both the habits and growing popularity of players. Other men may have some respect left. Of course, if men are blamed, they claim that women are respected, but it’s a dumbed-down version caused by women not standing up for themselves.

Men get their way by out-competing other men, but they rely on the threat of—men have little else—physicality to dominate females. Women get their way by competing with women. They are well-born to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver men. But they are highly restricted, if they don’t use their physicality of crossed legs to capture and win sincere obligations by one man who chooses her as his.

Women have sexual assets that men will pay to access. If men don’t have to pay much, they can orbit through and around the female neighborhood satisfying manly urges with freedom. Hit and miss but never left out in the cold of female disapproval for not trying hard enough, for not meeting female values, standards, and expectations.

Unattractive women have less hope of capturing a man; their female sisters keep most of the men occupied and satisfied. With sex on his mind all the time, such as with players, only attractive dolls fit the bill. Gals with more than sex to offer don’t come into view, aren’t noticed, and are not observed long enough for their qualities to be admired, virtues uncovered, and for men to learn that sex isn’t everything.

Women are superior except when they forego or forget their strengths in order to have temporary boyfriend, husband, lover, ex, or just be popular. It enables men to exploit their dominance without competition. Women no longer get their way, unless its by endorsing the man’s game of sexual freedom.

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*I count a sub-generation as six or seven years, because that’s how often boys and girls separate themselves from the previous generation with their choices in toys, music, apparel, habits, taste, chit-chat, preference to associate with peers, and adolescent openness with their unique personal bias. As adults, each sub-generation has its own hard-to-distinguish identity, but the latest is deeper into Feminism than previous ones.

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2660. Strategy for Courtship—06: How Women Do Better—VI


  1. Women typically make each other feel important by showing gratitude and expressing love. They do the same with men, but it doesn’t work the same. Showing gratitude and even love does little more than capture his attention, except it may register as prelude to conquest. She makes him feel important in her eyes by listening to what he has to say, while he seeks to impress her with his knowledge, control the present agenda, and lay some groundwork for conquest. If she can’t or doesn’t listen and make him feel important in her eyes, he will likely look for someone else.
  2. Throughout dating and courtship, I advise this. Her outward attractiveness always appeals to his attention as pleasurably unique, proud to be seen with her by other men. Everything else about her, he has to earn. That is, whatever he expects from her, she refuses until some later and more appropriate date or time. From her, nothing is free. Her nature tells her she’s more important and worthy only if she’s earned by someone proving her worth.
  3. Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. Smart women, therefore, develop their own standards up to which men must step or earn. Examples: He hints he’d like to take her out, and she insists on a more direct invitation. He expects a goodnight kiss, and she delays until next date. When she asks but he won’t quit cursing, she insists on being taken home. If he won’t go to church with her, she won’t date him. When he persists inviting her for sex, she stops him with a surprising action— break from their current embrace, a slap, a “take me home”! It’s the surprise that works.
  4. If he won’t honor those and other desires and standards that she develops to test men for sincerity, then he won’t become devoted to her. He lacks enough respect to want to please her. By having high standards for him to live up to, she earns his respect by his earning her permission, appreciation, and confirmation of his worth to her.
  5. This produces competition among couples. Both sexes are born to get their way in life. It works to a couple’s advantage when she allows him to get his way in courtship, and she persuades him to get her way in marriage. Being of the superior sex enables her to take charge both times. Thus, courtship is the proving grounds for her to condition his thinking so that she gets her way beyond the altar. Of course it’s much easier stated than done but built on the following truths:
  • Both sexes are born to get their way in matters of life. It cultivates competition as the strongest driving force of human behavior.
  • Women competing directly with the dominant sex seldom get their way.
  • Men rely on directness and physical and mental strength to get their way in the present. Women rely on natural patience, indirectness, and cooperation to get their way to brighten their future.
  • Women learn as girls they can get their way for the future much better by out-maneuvering their competitive and stronger mate without offending him in the present.
  • Men ‘hire’ wives to take care of those things in married life that men don’t care to be responsible for. It enables wife to get her way with everything for which she’s willing to accept responsibility.
  • A husband satisfied with both her and living with her is satisfied with both his marriage and himself. His investment of self appears safe, and so he stays closer to home.

6. Modern women lose their advantage by blaming or begrudging men while also trying to act more masculine. It’s the wrong way to win courtship success, because greater femininity has many more advantages that men appreciate. Natural differences between the sexes are the glue that both attracts and keeps a couple together.

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2650. Strategy for Courtship — 03: The Process II


Primarily men are producers; they make things happen. Women are processors; they make relationships work. Courtship is a process, which means a structure exists for it, and women are far more responsible for success than men.

Two conditions are necessary for courtship to succeed long term. 1) His respect of her that she has to earn. 2) Her love of him that she should make him earn in spite of her emotional connections that arise easily and early.

Two turning points determine the stages of the courtship process: conquest and his devotion to her.

A man’s devotion develops from actions that please her more and more for the purpose of pleasing her. It thereby keeps her satisfied and more interested in what he does, especially for her. His devotion becomes well bonded, when he habitually pleases her for little more than to please himself.

The pressure for conquest is ever present. She determines when it happens, and it consequently shifts them into another courtship stage.

Four courtship stages exist. Each has its own characteristics, none without risk to her.

A. They do not have sex and his devotion to her has not developed. Her best interest is to work harder to gain his respect, which is more easy by foregoing sex and magnifying his intent to not let her escape without conquest. Frustrated desire for sex motivates a man to work harder to earn a woman. OTOH conquest motivates a man toward other things than pleasing her, perhaps another woman.

B. They do not have sex but his devotion to her has developed. As he becomes devoted in spite of her withholding sex, it is the most promising she can expect. She’s doing courtship right. Her future with him seldom looks brighter.

C. They do have sex but without his devotion. This is the most risky for her; his intentions can change with little provocation. Without his devotion, her hold on him is fragile at best.

D. They do have sex and he is devoted to her. Her prospects may look favorable, but conquest releases him to also look elsewhere. So, matters may be more temporary than permanent, but usually hopeful until he pulls back or dumps her for whatever reason.

E. They have been doing sex together, but she decides to stop. He may or may not be devoted. Women are often unsure of their boyfriend or courting man. This extra stage E is designed to uncover whether he’s after her or just sex, or if he’s as devoted as he says. For reasons that are bigger than she—such as religious conviction or moral imperative—she begs off providing sex. If he doesn’t honor her desire to go chaste for some reason above herself, he is not all that committed to her; it reflects an unreadiness and perhaps unwillingness to build a future with her.

How a woman handles herself and conducts relationship connections depends on which stage she currently is in. If you question me about any courtship subject, mention the stage by A, B, etc. as you are currently engaged, and my response will be more relevant to your question and cause.

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2636. — Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 01


As I found out during my 59 years of it, wedded bliss is little more than two people who like each other enough and like living together enough to stay together. Each seeks to get their way on matters of interest to them, and each expects the other to gracefully or at worst pleadingly yield—if they are to remain together.

Both sexes are born that way. It’s both the root of endless competition between the sexes and the political foundation of American individualism.

Who should get their way on matters of mutual importance? It has to be worked out to mutual satisfaction. Not getting one’s way sometimes stimulates stormy events hopefully calmed by forgiveness and mutual expressions of love. It happens frequently and is necessary to settle each spouse’s dominance over future issues. No biggie, if the first time settles the peace about each issue as it later emerges again from the fog and smog of life together.

I hope to show women a better pathway to being a good woman for husband and marriage. Here’s the key: Reduce your dependence on loving him into a happy life together. Instead, work on home, relationship, and on life’s happenings to keep him more satisfied than loved; it’s a more reliable way to handle the masculine nature. IOW, put yourself in charge of everything but his job and outside interests and use love more as tool than glue. I know it’s anti-female but it’s very pro-male, as I hope you will conclude by the end of this series.

Dealing with husband, love is never enough. Marriage does not turn a man onto loving and being loved more than before. Prior to his proposal, he becomes convinced of his love. After that, she loves him and he loves her, and that’s all they need, or so she says and he accepts.

He begins taking both his and her love for granted. After their honeymoon solidifies it, love moves toward the background. His independent nature emerges once again and he thinks he can return to his job, hobby, other matters of interest, and personal ambitions. He can leave the details to her, and in short order it becomes her invitation to build her castle that she wisely convinces him is his.

There’s more to come on this subject. More mutual respect and mutual satisfaction are better glues for marriage than is love, whether mutual or one-sided. It doesn’t mean love is not essential, and I in no way diminish its importance. Without it, our species would vanish.

The model women use to govern their lives with men doesn’t work too well, given the flood of divorces and premarital breakups. Men get blamed, but women govern both relationships and marriages. They just need a new model.

I seek to convey that something else outweighs love in the overall scheme of keeping a marriage together. Modern singles and wives need a new motto to hang on their imaginary wall of love. How about “Love is great, but keeping a man satisfied is both easier and works better to get my way.”

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2633. Universal Motivators: Compatible Love and Sex Drives


Many major motivators come out of our biological history; all provided to ensure that our species doesn’t die off. They shape our lives more dramatically than women realize or men care. Our amazing design inheritance that began at post 2631 continues here. I describe different but compatible motivations that arise from the genders.

Men are what they do; they compete independently to dominate the what of living life together. Women are who they are; they dependently cooperate to dominate the how of living life together. He focuses on the present, as he can handle what’s coming tomorrow. She focuses on the future, to make it easier for what he faces tomorrow.

  • Competition vs. Cooperation. Everyone wants to get his way. Women need and prefer peace in both their relationships and raising offspring. Intuitively, relationship peace comes easier when women persuade men to honor the female way of life instead of women trying directly to get their way with men. Cooperate as will husbands and wives to live together amicably, they continually compete. Each with opposed motivational intent to get their way with the other, he mostly in the present, she mostly for their future. It matters considerably who dominates the present and their future together, but two complimentary genders manage to work it out amidst eight different mixtures of love and sex drives.
  • Dominant Gender. Men can get their way by force—physical, emotional, trickery—or the willingness of a woman to yield to a man’s persona. Men have little else to work with associating with the same woman over time. Consequently, relationships are the work of woman, at least the wives.
  • Superior Gender. Women sense it but instinctively do not disclose that female is the superior gender. Men are dominant. However, unclaimed and unadvertised superiority can render male dominance peaceful. Apparently the weaker of the two sexes, women are endowed with expertise capable of resisting and even overcoming male dominance. They are able to persuade men to give up their independent lives for the sake of helping fulfill female hopes and dreams. It’s mostly done in the arena of love and sex.
  • Female Love. The female nature is flooded with two kinds of love. One is mind- and heart-driven but subject to change or termination, conditional and not permanent. The other is more powerfully and permanently energized by specially designed hormones energized by pregnancy and giving birth; we call it mother-love. It motivates women to influence men to join up as couples for life. Being so unique and unchangeable, it has a hormone-driven counterpart in the male nature. Women understand mother love, but they can’t fathom its male counterpart.
  • Male Love. Men are what they do. Born with two different versions of love, men find love as they fulfill their sense of responsibility and duty. It shapes who they are and what they do to sustain that love. As an offshoot, they can find under the proper relationship conditions that they can and do love a woman. Love of children is a function of the masculine sense of being responsible for them and what goes with them.
  • Female Sex Drives. As men do, women have two sex drives. Physiological desire to conceive and psychological desire to confirm her importance in life and value to her man.
  • Male Sex Drives. The male nature is flooded with two very different sex drives. Both are hormone driven, but one is more so and is unique and unchangeable. As intense and unchanging as the female counterpart of mother-love, the primary version motivates men to endlessly chase attractive women, conquest only on their mind.

It boils down to this. Mother-love and a man’s primal drive to initiate first time sex with attractive women are virtual equivalents in terms of their importance in life and propagation of the species. Men spread their seed; mothers keep children close to more effectively raise them, and we keep multiplying just as God figured we would.

I don’t know if God planned or handled it, but women perceived millennia ago that they were disadvantaged. Men got the most pleasure, while women got the heaviest burden.

It was a raw environment, however, so God also made us compatible, gave us free-will, enabled us to grow a self-image, let us aim at getting our way, motivated us through self-interest, and taught that competition produced the best results for everyone, but women were specially designed to exploit cooperation to better get their way in life.

Out of that scramble, the superior sex led the dominant gender into both lifetime commitment as couples and dedicated to marriage as relationship glue. Who said she’s the weaker sex?

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2631. Universal Motivators (Revised)


Being the superior gender, women have ability, but not all know enough to satisfy a man or themselves with a man. Most need more knowledge, and the following universal motivators  may help. I present motivational forces common to both sexes here and motivational differences in the next article. It’s also background for other articles.

God must have designed both sexes this way, because it’s the way we act and interact.

  • Compatible. Both sexes are designed such that each man and woman can be a compatible mate. However, it may be harder to be one than find or keep one.
  • Self-image. Since childhood, each of us carries and maintains a picture of who we are, what we can do, and how well we like ourselves in our various roles in life. The picture continually and subconsciously updates out of the life we live.
  • Self-interest. We are all motivated by self-interest. It’s who we are in terms of what we do and think. Plus, we are all endowed with free will that provides the independence needed to live and guide self-interest to our advantage.
  • Get My Way. Life is shaped by intention and ability to get our way with things, in events, and among people we encounter. Self-interest is the governor that guides us and by which we don’t overdo it. Also, we try competitively to at least not lose in matters that directly affect self-interest.
  • Competition. All four motivators above come together to energize us to compete with other members of both sexes. In that way, endless competition determines what happens on earth. Whether peaceful or not, it’s the most dynamic, balancing, and productive method by which everyone pursues self-interest. Having the ability and sensing opportunity to compete, we are inspired to do the best we can for ourselves. Others doing the same generates the balance.

Summary. Compatibility with a mate is life’s objective, and we are all invited. Self-image enables us to vary the speed of life. Self-interest gets us into and out of trouble, enabled by free-will that provides essential and independent thought. To get my way enables us to shape life as we desire it. Competition keeps us together and yet enables us to produce an independent and worthwhile life.

As necessity is mother of invention and frustration is the father. So, hope is the mother of competition and progress is the father.

In short, human design turns us loose to do the best we can serving ourselves in the hope that we can someday share our good fortune with a mate of choice. Pardon the hubris, but God must have also intended for us to multiply successfully enough that we would not become extinct. It’s next.

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