- We are born to be good folks, and it’s the lessons learned after birth that lead us astray. Women are born to be good, and so they more likely do good to confirm it. Men are not; they are born able to do good but with no incentive until provided by females or a woman.
- After their first sex together, she quits earning his respect except by subsequent achievements that he admires. He discontinues hearing what she says, she has to develop a new game for dealing with him because he decided before conquest that she’s either—surprise for her—keeper, booty, or disposable. He by nature and conquest is freed up to conquer someone else.
- A man’s primal need is for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, do R&R, and prepare to fight tomorrow’s dragons. With that, he can cover all his other bases. A woman’s primal drive is to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. As a couple, they match fairly well with common ground and potential to work things out compatibly.
- Both sexes are born to find ways to feel good about themselves. The self-love trait within women makes it easier for them. They shower love onto someone else, and they feel good for doing it. It can take so little effort. A selfish trigger in girls teaches them early in life that selfishness is not necessary. Just love someone else and it makes them feel good about themselves and the selfish urge withers away early in life. It’s different for men.
- Men are born to satisfy themselves in what they achieve; they feel good if satisfied with themselves. If trained with chores in childhood, they plan to do something: mow the lawn, have someone earn their respect, go to work, read the paper, or help wife with dishes or kids. They do it and are satisfied with self and usually feel good, but they pay little attention to the feel good or happy part. Satisfaction is usually sufficient for they are not routine in expressing good feelings, except when super-achievement qualifies for celebration.
- The male nature reacts harshly to blame from females. Blaming men relieves much female guilt. However, the blame is irretrievable, and—determined not to lose—most blamed men seem virtually irreconcilable on whatever the issue that earned blame.
- The more admirable as attractive woman, the more likely she gets a better man. The more responsible as masculine man, the more likely he gets a better wife. Add love and it’s still not enough. Add mutual respect and likeability, then compatibility blossoms and togetherness brightens.
Category Archives: Her glory
All that you read here is based on the very different characteristics that women and men receive at birth. God designs, Nature endows, and hormones motivate women and men very differently. By comparing differences, we can discover how they interface socially and domestically, successfully and unsuccessfully, compatibly and incompatibly.
The blog is all about that, but today I want to bore down to the very foundation upon which couples find success or not.
Feminists claim the only true gender differences are the reproductive systems. They claim everything else is socialized into both sexes. I disagree with significant fervor and evidence. Feminists disregard differences for political purposes.
I favor the legal, political, and economic advancements of women. I criticize the social and domestic side-effects of Feminism as the major cause of relationship uncertainty, instability, and misery. Feminist values have no promotional or holding power in a relationship, in fact, quite the opposite.
Her Primal Need. A woman instinctively needs a brighter future for her and her children. Unless very immature, she seeks security of life, dependable relationships, and family cohesiveness. She seeks family, economic, and social stability. She seeks safety of health, life, and family. To fulfill such overlapping and intermingled needs, she has two options: give of herself to a helpmate, or do it alone, perhaps desperate, and usually lonesome sooner or later. She is made to care for others, and the absence of finding someone can be sufficient to prevent her finding happiness.
His Primal Need. Men have one overwhelming need that makes everything else minor, regardless of how they seem to act even to the contrary. A man absolutely needs only a place to flop, eat, throw his things, hopefully do a little R&R, and prepare for his ’battles’ tomorrow. A hut will do, but if a woman provides such a place for him, he judges her nesting and castle building by how it supports his work, outside competitive interests, and NOT how she claims to love him.
Her Primal Drive. Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. Their instinctive drive bonds society together into family units. What men hear and learn inside the home shape their thinking for how to compete as they make the outside world more family friendly and thus civilized.
His Primal Drive. Men are driven to compete against Nature when it obstructs their progress, compete with other men, and shape and control human events.
Both sexes were put on earth to live as couples. However, both have to find compatibility, and women have the relationship expertise to promote it. The naturalness of it follows.
Her drive to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones matches well with his need for a place to flop and prepare for tomorrow’s battles. It’s a fair swap.
Her need for a brighter future matches easily with his drive to win his way outside the home. He can do for her what she can’t do for herself. It’s a fair swap. As the natural consequence of their relationship expertise, wives shape husbands’ thinking inside the home such that husbands learn to make the outside world more family friendly and civilized for both sexes.
The sexes are designed that way to find the compatibility needed to live successfully as couples.
Natural Law: Other than for sex, a man only pays extra attention and ardent pursuit to a woman who respects herself so much she will not uncross her legs first time for him, until, that is, she gets all of her requirements met and him obligated deeply to her.
Here’s another macro side of love, how the female heart imposes its will indirectly on society and culture. The male nature urges men to better themselves so they can accomplish more and more. It doesn’t mean they let women define ‘better’ or lead them to it. In fact, they resist it. So, women have to work indirectly on both men and their man. Female mystery, lovable personality, and feminine likeability are the greatest assets for women to get their way while programming husband’s motivations with breakfast, dinner, and pillow talk.
Women inherit a special motivational drive at birth. Whatever man they mate with, they want him to become better. Men resist direct attempts to be changed. So women have an indirect way to overcome. They are born motivated to be good. Men are born with the ability to do good, but no incentive to spark actions to do or be good. A woman confirms her goodness by doing good, and when she can get her man to do good, she is the better for it and he has pleased her by becoming a better man. It’s a strong motivation imperative in women, until individuals lose it to popular opinion or male dominance.
I’m fascinated by how Western civilization developed under the influence of Christian love. Before political activists began to kill it off fifty years ago, the public marketplace was crowded with elements of female love: kindness, pleasantness, trust, goodness, and mutual respect between the sexes. How did all that happen when all love emanates from the female heart except for some that originates with a closer study of Christ via a few thousand Christian pastors.
Until something else becomes evident, I credit women for having brought female values, standards, and expectations into the development and marketplace of American civilization. Men discovered the American West, but women civilized it. Without womanly influence and our constitutional system of government using Christian values to deal successfully with denominational differences, we would be another kind of nation today.
Subject: Submission is wife’s strong suit.
Modern women think that submitting to husband’s authority forfeits wife’s interests. Now, let’s take another look at that issue.
Women fill two roles: female and relationship partner. But modern women are confused. Females hormonally resist submitting to a potential threat, a man. But as girls and single women, they submit to male conquest just to have a boyfriend. That ultimate submissiveness means to men that a gal will submit for other circumstances that follow.
As sex partner to a man, gals naturally gain relationship advantages by adopting a submissive spirit. But modern wives argue, criticize, and otherwise demonstrate an in-your-face fussiness. More masculine than feminine. More success for her in his domain and less success for him to himself.
What she expects does not come hormonally to his hard-headed and hard-hearted self. She either enables and empowers him to succeed as himself with her as partner, or she loses him.
As wife, she focuses primarily on nesting and relationship development and maintenance. She’s primarily the nesting authority focused on the future. She perceives success through long term lenses. She’s successful if she has tomorrow’s events under control today.
The issue of who submits to whom revolves around respect each has for the other. When she wants him to succeed, look good, or lead the way, she submits. When he likes her way of doing something, he submits if there’s no watering down of his authority or direct threat to his dominance as perceived by others.
He can’t be successful to himself, if others see him weakened by his wife. His competitors are outside the home, not inside.
Post 2815 is about male submission.
Her Highness CartieB, with questions at post 2808, inspired this series in four-parts: compatible, purpose, love, and sex — i.e., posts 2809-2812.
SEX DRIVE. The sexes are generally born as described below. However, individuals modify and intensify their lives variously by lessons learned growing up, sometimes to the point of losing their sexual identity.
Both sexes are born to get their way associating with others. Women are born to recognize very early in life that they have a valuable birthright that men will honor when a woman respects herself deliberately, sufficiently, and defensively against penile penetration the first time. The longer she delays it with each man, the more respect she earns, and more respect fuels a man’s love and devotion.
That birthright difference enables women to get their way with men who are stronger, dominant, and intent on conquest. Discretion to participate sexually belongs to each woman, and she’s adequately prepared from birth to both earn and capitalize on success.
Her side of the “when to yield” puzzle looks like this. Five natural motivational forces energize sex in the woman’s world:
- Born with a physiological urge to nurture, it triggers the urge to procreate.
- She has a psychological imperative to assuage the wants of herself or needs of someone else that stimulate her to copulate.
- Possessing a primal need of self-importance, it ignites ambitions to outdo and outshine other women as a candidate for mating. (She empowers herself by negotiating sex such that she earns her own uniqueness and the respect of men or man; the latter enables development of a man’s love and devotion.)
- She comprehends the worth of sexually yielding to each man, especially the uniqueness and value of their first sexual encounter together. (Her primal acceptability of conquest earns a man the privilege that she cooperate with him and his ambitions.)
- She needs intimacy, and it is a prime motivator for yielding. Her nature craves it; she can almost never get enough. Especially when her spirits are down, which is quite often. (Intimate touching, fondling, caressing, and sweet words to enhance body closeness fuel a woman’s willingness, desire, and free will, which makes it easier to continue deeper into the process that pleases her, her partner, or to even make unanticipated mistakes.)
Those natural female interests enable women to recognize the male sex drive as different. She sees men energized more urgently, much harder to satisfy in quantity, and more easily satisfied in quality. Such perception empowers women to utilize sex for bonding, generating compatibility, and competing with other women. (Neither promiscuity nor orgasmic pleasure are natural motivators for the female gender. Both arise from lessons learned in life and are often used to override the five hormonal urges cited above.)
Primal motivational urges energize five versions of the male sex drive. These bring sex proactively into a man’s world:
- His interest in sex brings females onto the playing field.
- He has a life-long physiological urge to copulate with every female he finds attractive. He’s willing to pay a very high price but only to conquer and not for more. The more attractive she is to him, the higher the price he will pay for conquest only. Sex does not bond him, but conquest separates women into two classes. (To willingly and assertively pay the ultimate price of his freedom, he needs more; sex isn’t enough. He seeks the right woman who satisfies him with himself and he identifies as unique, feminine, and so virtuous not even he can achieve penetration the first time. IOW, she’s so hard to get, all his competitor males must also have missed out.)
- He has an instinctive and competitive urge to outdo and outshine other men. In response, he seeks to conquer women that other men can’t, enable bragging rights by doing so, and add boaster’s value to virginity.
- He possesses a steadfast and competitive ambition for frequent and convenient access to sex, for which he’s willing to pay the ultimate price. If, that is, he figures he can satisfy himself living with her better than living by himself or someone else.
- He has an instinctive craving to do something pleasurable with each erection, and instinct pushes him toward penile penetration of a vagina. (Penetration completes his conquest. Beyond his penetration and for subsequent sexual events, however, he’s just another sexual performer—good, poor, wasteful, selfish, indifferent. Orgasm is not a prime motivator of men. Pleasurable and rewarding, yes, but not a driving force until it is about to arrive as expected in a moment of orgiastic glory after penetration and as the result of his self-acknowledged excellent performance up to that moment.)
Those primal sex urges combine to make men compete with other males for females and compete with females for conquest—but for little else afterward with conquered women. After conquest, a man expects cooperation and thus refuses to compete; he will find a way out or avoid competing with a conquered woman.
Why? Conquest changes their relationship dramatically. He uses his persuasive interest achieving conquest, in ‘buying her’. IOW, he pays whatever price she demands. Job’s done; she’s his. Afterward she belongs to him, and he expects cooperation. Sex with her doesn’t bond him, and so neither her love nor sex will hold him. He’s now free to pursue others. He may lose significant arguments to her. So why take the risk of her winning and then losing the upper hand won with conquest? Men are not dumb; they only seem to be that way, because women don’t understand the male nature as men are born.
Even though born to be compatible as mates, the sexes differ greatly on matters of purpose, love, and sex. Society and life in it are as peaceful and satisfying as both sexes live according to their nature, the way they are born. Things start to fall apart, when the sexes begin for whatever reason to act like the opposite sex and thus betray their own nature.
In that case (and more follows tomorrow), women lose dominance of cultural values, standards, and expectations. Men run society according to male dominated and female-unfriendly values, standards, and expectations. Neither sex appreciates the other very much, blame spurs anger, anxieties spread, couples separate, and children self-develop to tunes played by the quarrelsome tongues of disrespectful parents, teachers, and adults.
The previous post, 2805, lists 20 mismanagement tendencies that cause marital breakups. To it, Godsgrace55 responds this way:
“All 20 of those behaviors also apply to men. But men think they don’t have to address their own behaviors. That is why you notice so many middle age and senior women without a wedding ring. Those women get fed up, divorce, and live a better quality of life.”
I respond as follows.
Dear Godsgrace55, you still don’t get it.
- Blaming men costs women whatever advantage they wish they had among men. (Blame may be well deserved, but it works contrary to what women intend.)
- Neither sex lives alone without the presence of the other in their lives. At the cultural level aimed at brightening the females’ future, women lead and men follow. At the societal level aimed at the present, men lead and women follow. It’s a swap-meet at which women have first choice for generating success for females, if they but focus on the future instead of getting their way in the present.
- In general and indirectly but not in particular and directly, women act and men react in response to the cultural values, standards, and expectations, and men drive society along those lines.
- This blog is What Women Never Hear, not what men never hear. Men don’t listen to men about how to handle or deal with women. If women don’t exemplify what they expect out of men, then men follow their competitive and often combative nature that women resent so easily.
- The sexes are born such that each individual seeks to get his or her way associating with others. It makes competition the most universal motivator. Except for sex before conquest, men have little or no use of women who compete with them. When women get their way all the time according to female expectations, men lose interest in providing/protecting, raising children, and staying with one woman.
- Women gain the superior edge in society by using morality, religion, pre-conquest sex, and marriage to tame and harness men to female expectations without emasculating them.
- Women do what’s right based on what they believe. Men do what’s right based on what they figure out will satisfy them the best. Blame cancels masculine interest for believing that women could be more right than he.
- When the dominant gender becomes mesmerized by feminine ability, aptitude, and astuteness, dominance dissolves beneath an canopy of female superiority.
- Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera….
Your last sentence is one-sided and exclusively blames men: “Those [middle age and senior without wedding ring] women get fed up, divorce, and live a better quality of life.”
To which I make it two-sided by inserting and bolding the blanks. “Those women get fed up because they can’t get husbands to change to meet wifely expectations, initiate divorce in order to save face and more realistically discredit him, and live a better quality of life by demeaning him, by calling single life high quality to cover her disappointment or embarrassment, and to hide her disenchantment of life without her man.”
Summarized, modern women continue to lose the ability to get what they want out of men. Blame, demand, and political pressure get results, but not what women wish they had from about middle age onward.
Whether you lady readers are married or shacked up, you’re certain that you’ve generated and are managing a successful relationship. You’re not ready to change for fear of…? That’s okay. Many people prefer the certainty of misery to the uncertainty of change. However, greater pleasures exist for wives who assert their leadership potential.
Responsibility determines that one leads and everyone else follows. So, whatever responsibilities wife assigns herself as both wife and mom, it makes followers of the whole family. That distinction also shapes what each family member believes and, consequently, shapes their attitude.
Now, it’s easy for wives to claim, Oh, I could never do that, never bring up and talk about such subjects as those listed below. Yet, later she can fight deliberately when energized to cover her mistakes or blame or criticize husband’s wrong doing. The suggestions listed below aim to prevent such arguments by reaching agreement ahead of time and shaping family attitudes to relate well together; it can prevent unproductive arguments and ill feelings that arise later.
Mastering the art of making one person responsible helps immensely when dealing with children; they benefit from having only one boss on matters that concern them directly. If husband goes along well with wife’s marital decisions, she must be doing almost everything right.
Being the king, husbands find it desirable to wield their authority, demonstrate their privilege to rule, and let everyone know that they rule. The most effective way to convince others of their power, however, is to delegate authority such that they never have to use theirs. The threat thus becomes stronger than the use of power.
Here are more suggestions. Wife is written in first person, and husband in second.
31. Husbands figure that foreplay is romance, so playing around physically or smoochingly is romantic. OTOH, romance confirms that I as wife am both worthy and important to you, and detailed demonstrations are highly satisfying. I also view you as responsible to separate romance and foreplay into a two-phase mixture of pleasure of company together and excitement that follows it.
32. If I’m not worth a little romancing now and then, I’m not worth much as a wife to myself, in which case I’m not easy to live with. So if I’m not easy to live with, you may have fallen behind in your romancing. To make up for it is to bring hero-worship back into my habits.
33. Even when I know I’m right, you’re responsible for determining the best course of action on matters requiring immediate resolution. I will advise responsibly, but you have to decide.
34. You’re responsible to provide me with intimate confirmations of my importance and worth to you. Cuddling and sweet talk at bedtime works very well but by no means exclusively.
35. As kingpin in our family, you’re the final authority on matters of morality and religion. If you wish to abdicate those concepts, I ask that you authorize me to guide the family in those directions, you excepted of course.
36. If child’s present behavior is bad in public, I’m responsible and not the child; I should have taught better. So, turn your complaints over to me and I will prevent next time.
37. I may fail a few times before I get something right. I ask for your understanding and forgiveness ahead of time; I’m still a work in progress of satisfying you with your life with me.
38. We shall both love our in-laws or fake it so well no one knows the difference including each other. It may be frustrating, but everyone has to learn to live with what they can do nothing about. In-laws deserve for us to try harder.
39. We will regularly remind ourselves of who and what we live up to that is above ourselves. As we do it, we turn ourselves into better individuals.
40. We are all self-developers. It’s why I as mom expect to discipline the kids softly so as not to weaken their attention or discourage their passion. It’s right for me to see that they might have been momentarily distracted, not less worthy.