- We are born to be good folks, and it’s the lessons learned after birth that lead us astray. Women are born to be good, and so they more likely do good to confirm it. Men are not; they are born able to do good but with no incentive until provided by females or a woman.
- After their first sex together, she quits earning his respect except by subsequent achievements that he admires. He discontinues hearing what she says, she has to develop a new game for dealing with him because he decided before conquest that she’s either—surprise for her—keeper, booty, or disposable. He by nature and conquest is freed up to conquer someone else.
- A man’s primal need is for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, do R&R, and prepare to fight tomorrow’s dragons. With that, he can cover all his other bases. A woman’s primal drive is to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. As a couple, they match fairly well with common ground and potential to work things out compatibly.
- Both sexes are born to find ways to feel good about themselves. The self-love trait within women makes it easier for them. They shower love onto someone else, and they feel good for doing it. It can take so little effort. A selfish trigger in girls teaches them early in life that selfishness is not necessary. Just love someone else and it makes them feel good about themselves and the selfish urge withers away early in life. It’s different for men.
- Men are born to satisfy themselves in what they achieve; they feel good if satisfied with themselves. If trained with chores in childhood, they plan to do something: mow the lawn, have someone earn their respect, go to work, read the paper, or help wife with dishes or kids. They do it and are satisfied with self and usually feel good, but they pay little attention to the feel good or happy part. Satisfaction is usually sufficient for they are not routine in expressing good feelings, except when super-achievement qualifies for celebration.
- The male nature reacts harshly to blame from females. Blaming men relieves much female guilt. However, the blame is irretrievable, and—determined not to lose—most blamed men seem virtually irreconcilable on whatever the issue that earned blame.
- The more admirable as attractive woman, the more likely she gets a better man. The more responsible as masculine man, the more likely he gets a better wife. Add love and it’s still not enough. Add mutual respect and likeability, then compatibility blossoms and togetherness brightens.
Category Archives: How she wins
Women are giving up on men, because they don’t understand the male nature about sex. Her Highness Elena, gave me an opportunity to summarize why females are so frustrated.
Females learn this the hard way if at all. Sex for pleasure, aka the man’s game, is mutually exclusive with successful married life, aka the woman’s game. Why? Because wives can’t keep husbands home, cheaters are not trustworthy in other matters, and marriages fall apart from lack of mutual likeability.
Elena expressed her frustration this way, “…everything with men is about sex! Everyday I can feel in my heart and head less and less attraction to men knowing all I know now (and I am 22 years old).” You’re right about men, darling, but you’re moving in the wrong direction, and I hope to show you why.
You need to learn more about both sexes and their differences. You are designed and particularly endowed with the skill and talent to find and keep for life your choice of a man. You can find the what, why, and how details described in many different ways throughout this blog. But the angelic essential that makes and holds a couple together comes from the following.
No man is interested, much less motivated, to produce what you expect out of life. Until, that is, you coach, train, teach, motivate, and otherwise convince him you are the best woman for him.
To hold his interest long enough to discover who and what you are and can be in his life, only one thing works. Keep your legs crossed for so long that he discovers not only your virtues, but his respect grows out of your insistence on protecting your sexual assets, and his imagining that all men find you the same.
The longer you refuse to yield, the more of his respect you earn, and a man’s love is founded on respect for a woman. The greater his respect, the more likely he stays with you. The magnetic attractions of female love should be matched by the respect of a man for one woman, or they likely fail as a couple.
Nothing else holds a man’s attention long enough than a female’s refusal to be conquered. Sometimes, however, a man quits chasing early, which in itself is a sign that he was after sex more than her, which means he already had her aimed for dumping soon after their first sex together.
We are put on earth to live as couples. Only women can produce success living together, and your most critical efforts take place before marriage. Marriage isn’t the man’s game, until you teach one man that your way is the best way for both.
After marriage, women are expected to balance the books. You have to acknowledge that he earned frequent and convenient access and is entitled to marital sex at his bidding. He earned it by letting you have your way before marriage.
A personal story. Grace and I were broke for the first 25 of our 59 years. I finally gained control of our spending, and we were never broke after that.
It’s much the same with women. Control your sexual assets such that men are unable to conquer you for first sex together, and you will not be without men chasing you. Admittedly today, men may not chase very long, but it misleads women. If you’re attractive enough in all situations and refuse to yield, you will be chased. Men can’t stand to pass up an opportunity to conquer what appeals to their eyes; it’s up to you to dissuade them from immediate access to your sexual assets.
Except for convenience, men don’t chase women with whom they’ve had sex, only the gals who refuse it the first time. And men more earnestly chase the ones who made other men fail at conquest. Every man competes to beat out buds and other men, and conquest is the most eagerly sought way of earning bragging rights. It’s the male nature at work.
The author of the main site below describes what modern women should do to improve their lives with self and men. I read all three and they are both poignant and clear. She mostly tells women how to handle themselves better dealing with men, while my blog focuses on the natural background of why women should do it. Using both of us, women help themselves fulfill their hopes and dreams, provided, that is, they are willing to become a better person/woman/gf/wife/mother.
All three articles are at the same website, but the following impressed me so much. (I think each requires Ctrl-click.)
Assessing the results in both society and culture, I conclude this. For over five decades women have listened only to women about how to deal with unmarried men and husbands. As the single mindedness continues, feminine attractiveness softens in relationship reflux, female expertise dissolves, and hostility grows. Girls, women, and even moms unwittingly teach the wrong thing for achieving female hopes and dreams. Some men and even fathers unwittingly endorse the political movement we know as Feminism.
Even though love of females arises only out of masculine respect, feminist advocates teach that personal independence and sexual freedom are so important that men’s opinions should be disregarded, which equates respectively to less objective discussion between the sexes, less and less respect, and less and less masculine love of women. Those behaviors are all connected.
If women don’t ration unmarried sex to get their way, they are not able to fulfill female hopes and dreams. Female insistence on independence and sexual freedom as witnessed in America today is mutually exclusive with men helping fulfill female hopes and dreams. Men may marry, but it’s a long way from women getting what they want out of life. The results are all relative and mostly according to how women act.
The availability of plenty unmarried sex appeals to the raw nature of hunter-conquerors, attracts masculine eyes, diverts manly ambitions, stalls and sours the development of devotion to one woman, and discourages men from helping one woman get what she’s after. The proof lies with the multitude of single moms, empty ring fingers, and unattached women in middle and older ages.
|Can someone tell me how to get rid of this box of no use? The outline doesn’t show here. It automatically inserts, not wanted. It’s an ad to use boxes for text quotes. (Delete is not an option on right click.)|
The fallout of masculine-style sexual freedom for females results in the darkest exploitation of females of all ages. They are seduced away from the art of developing compatible togetherness, lasting relationships, and cultivating the teamwork required to harmonize family life. They blame men, which drives men to reject the guilt messages and argue back or retaliate with every intention of winning.
The end result is that unmarried men don’t respect women generally, don’t learn how to exploit the exploitable, and strongly disfavor marriage and permanent relationships. They have been taught by women that devotion to one woman is not needed, morality is not important, sex is paramount, thoughts of marriage are foolish, and divorce means financial strangulation.
EDITOR’S NOTE. I suggest readers get more involved discussing men and women with men. Forget the Venus and Mars, pop culture, and media stuff. Bury your head directly in questioning someone of the opposite sex. More directness and even cover intimate subjects, but not whether she should or shouldn’t do it first time. Get to know men more deeply about other than sex. Most of all learn how to listen without judgment, argument, or defending females. Learn to accept someone else for who they really are and try to earn mutual respect.
I know, I know! You gals can’t talk about intimate subjects with men not your own; do it anyway, it can be therapeutic if you ease into it with your boundaries well marked out and followed. Present conditions cry for relief, and women won’t change until they find out what the male nature really looks like in a person.
My hubris continues. Having created a dominant sex in man, God (or Nature if it pleases you) needs a counterbalance. Without it women would be subject to the will and physicality of men at all times with no way out. So, I spotlight the highly significant difference that changes the advantage to women.
Compared to men, women are endowed with a special expertise in relationship matters. Each woman is blessed with unique talent, skill, and motivational energy to both compete sufficiently well with men before marriage and induce one of them to cooperate with her afterward.
By building and guiding relationships in which women are able to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver male dominance, success makes female the governing sex. Unique expertise enables a woman to convince a man to yield his independence on her behalf and spend the rest of his days with her at his side. That is no simple feat.
Women are born with that ability but modern women act contrary to their nature and, for many, are unable to capture and keep a man for any lengthy period.
Either instinctively from birth or intuitively from life, women know to keep their superior ability secret from men. Many females suspect it, many know it, but wise ones keep it to themselves.
Men dodge the possibility that female is the governing gender; they proceed with the firm conviction that dominance can win over whatever else women may bring to the relationship table. A man can have his way when he needs it, period. Wise women do not quibble but find ways to overcome or maneuver in spite of male physicality and outside of their dominance.
Note this connection. Dominant suggests action in the short-term to demonstrate the ability to rule or reign over the long haul; action perhaps even without thought. Governing ability suggests wisdom comes before action, that the long-term is more important than the short-term, which plays well to fulfill a woman’s primal need. That is, fulfill a brighter future than she faces at any given moment.
Taking the wiser approach enables women to work their governing talents and skills in background mode. At the same time, they can escape or wiggle out of dominant pressure they do not like.
She can get her way by using indirectness, seed planting, and patience to urge her competitive husband to be more cooperative. With her free will and wisdom combined, she has little trouble being submissive in order to ultimately get her way as relationship manager. Without developing her ability to use those options, she finds it difficult to generate harmony in the home.
Men want and take advantage of domestic harmony, but only women produce and sustain it.
Natural Law: Cleavage and exotic apparel focus a man’s thoughts on sex first and foremost. Modest turtle-neck, vanity-neat sweater, up tight and pointy breasts, thin- waist girly shape, and even moo-moos force a man to think about her first, what he wants to see, and perhaps a silent message that he’s not qualified to see it. Her appearance purposely pushes sex into the background and gives her greater ability to control whatever relationship they develop.
I’m fascinated about this subject, because I consider it so accurate. But I need feedback from readers to confirm or deny.
Ask a man who loves you if he likes you. I predict his response will be much more sincere than if he’s asked, Do you love me? He may respond something like this.
Sure, I like you, and he may even shift to using the key word out of eagerness to convince you. I love (or like) your eyes and hair. I love (or like) your sexy appearance as you change for bed, I love (or like) how you handle the kids, etc. and on and on.
By asking if he likes you, he’s able to release his sincerity as if you doubted him, perhaps use your favorite word, and even be anxious to convince you that you’re valuable to him. But it’s not your whole self as person or wife. He spotlights the qualities he admires, which means they are virtues to him. The more virtues you accumulate, the stronger his loving attachment because men seek to marry a virtuous woman.
If you begin with questions about his ‘love’, his sincerity hides behind the façade of manly questioning about honesty. If you begin with the term ‘like’, his mind tells his heart it’s okay to expose how he feels. It’s the way the male nature works; if he can be precise and sincere, he can unload his feelings. If he’s expected to love as women love, he doubts himself and can’t be precise or sincere trying to please her with three little words.
Thus, women face this dilemma. Her ears want to hear ‘love’ about her as whole person or wife. However, he likes or admires specific qualities rather than ‘love’ her generally. He’s more accurate that way.
A well-loved woman learns to discriminate and convert his words and actions about her virtues and conclude how worthy she is from what he does. It doesn’t just pop up in her heart convincingly as it does when he claims the shortcut, “Yes, I love you.” But then, when he responds that way, he’s not totally sincere and doesn’t feel good about himself.
With that in mind, successful marriage depends more on how she uncovers his admiration and liking her than on three little words. She expects to hear the words, which she takes as super-meaningful. He wants to deliver his dedication to her in actions that produce, provide, protect, and problem solve on their mutual interest. She wants words but he delivers actions he expects her to interpret as his love of her.
That’s my conclusion about how the male and female nature interact naturally. But I need feedback from readers to confirm or deny. I ask readers to give it a test drive. See what happens if you ask ‘do you like me?’ Do you get a more exciting answer out of him?
The male nature—man-think—works like the following when confronted with a woman’s angst about her worthiness to her man.
Every day I figure out more clearly that when a woman asks a man if he loves her, she calls up little but confusion in his mind. Out of that confusion comes a lot of vibes that do not necessarily help a relationship.
She routinely asks, “Do you love me?” without realizing that men just don’t think about love and its meanings the same as women.
- His mind prevents him from calling it love in his heart. As a man, he can’t do all the things that she does to care for and do in her loving of others. He’s nowhere near the caring person she is, and caring is what her love is all about. It’s not his nature, and so he’s caught in a whirl of confusion trying to deal with his favorite woman, when she asks that question so vital to her own well-being.
- He wants to answer but he can’t find sincerity. Love as she knows it does not reside in his heart. He knows that, but also knows that she expects it to be there. He doesn’t want to lie, disappoint, or come up short in her eyes. So, he blurts out “of course” and guilt—from the dishonesty within himself—keeps him from going much further to convince her.
- Trying to be honest, he spouts out whatever is needed to get him clear of the moment. However, sincerity is missing from his response. She senses being somewhat cheated, uncertainty sets in, and she begins to inquire more often. The more often she asks, the worse he feels from inability to be sincere to someone he admires, likes, and appreciates with all his heart.
Now, if she asked ‘do you like me’ she would get several different responses. Probably an excess of affirmatives and, perhaps, more frequent displays of attention, affection, and appreciation. Man-think works well and clearly—easily sincere and honest—when the question is whether someone or something is liked.
Months ago I concluded that love is never enough to hold a couple together as women are prone to believe. I began writing about mutual likeability being the paramount ingredient in a successful relationship. That which I posed above confirms my earlier decisions. Deal with men in likeability rather than love and a woman will find a more accurate path to where she stands with her man.
In short, her just asking a man if he loves her can weaken his dedication to her. How? It weakens his dedication to himself to be honest, which weakens his character, and which undercuts his ability to treat his woman with the highest regard he can muster at any given moment.
To help keep a man honest, sincere, and forthright, never ask him if he loves you. Ask him if he likes you, and—as a woman—you can find out the strength of his sincerity by his actions. In short, for a woman to find the love of a man, she must first be so likeable that he struggles just to be around her. Three little words may satisfy her ears, but his sincerity, honesty, and actions prove his dedication.
You modern gals need a plan to take better charge of your own lives. You need a game plan. I’m just the guy to lay it out, but you have to implement the details to the satisfaction of those who pursue you.
Objective: Keep a man pursuing you long enough for him to at least propose or break off, hopefully the former if he’s proven himself worthy of you.
Strategy: A man wants to marry a virtuous woman, and each finds virtue in the qualities he admires in one woman. The more unique qualities you display, the harder a guy seeks to get you in bed, because the accumulation of your virtues make you more worthy and unique in his eyes.
Mission: Be attractively different from all the other gals, but more traditional, mysterious, and modest than modern. (A gal’s strongest suits for keeping a man under control are her modesty, mystery, and vanity.)
If other gals hang with or act like guys, don’t. If they pursue guys, don’t. If they kiss on first date, don’t. If they crave marriage, don’t. If they go for making out, don’t. If they talk up sex, don’t. If they go out with guys without a date, don’t. If other gals are so fearful of losing what they have, don’t be like that. There are many other behaviors in the social marketplace that the smart gal drops from her habits to make herself stand out. The more unique but not radical, the better.
The way to a modern man’s heart is not through his stomach; it’s through his ego. So, focus there.
Listen better than you ever have before. Keep silent, pay attention! No full disclosure; in fact, no disclosure about yourself. Make him earn everything he finds out about you. Volunteer nothing. He has to pursue you to find out about you. Otherwise, why should he waste time with your disclosing yourself?
Men believe what they figure out, and not what they are told. So, if he isn’t figuring you out, he won’t stay long. He should never know exactly who and what you are until he’s been married to you for a dozen or so years. Mystery makes female worthiness soar.
Encourage his descriptions of who he is; what he does in mind, body, and spirit; how he’s out to conquer his world; and what he can provide to you if you’ll just join him in bed. If you’ve done your other techniques properly, he will keep the part about the bed in background, hints maybe. If he gets obvious about bedtime, you bring up marriage. Make it a habit; he wants to talk about sex, you change the subject gently but firmly. Repeat it enough and he’ll soon learn that the subject makes you uncomfortable.
A man learns to respect the gal who listens to him, and his respect is essential for his love to develop. The longer she refuses deep passion and keeps her legs crossed, the more his respect grows. Of course, everyone recognizes her biggest problem is to keep him in pursuit while being denied sex with her.
She has only one alternative. She abstains for reasons that register above herself in this life. She’s lives up to somebody or thing far above her but which hardens her belief system: parents, God, Bible, moral imperative. Even expectant husband, but she should never declare that; it kills hope in the pursuer. (The blog series Virtual Virginity covers at length how to strengthen one’s belief system to promote abstinence until marriage.)
As much, as often, and as clearly as practicable, teach him to please you. Repetitive pleasing of you becomes habit with him, and becomes devotion when he learns that pleasing you pleases him even more.
You will run into the guy who is only after sex, and it will be clear in his approach. First, he’s not after you but sex with you. Second, dismiss him quickly. If you’re no more valuable than your sexual assets, how will you ever escape being a sex object?
I propose dating and courtship should follow the plan above.