Category Archives: How she wins

2767. Refresher Thoughts — 17


  1. This feminist motto has been around for decades and women now live it vigorously: “What men can do, women can do better.” The result of that and similar feminist-think is indifference toward men as valuable tools of society, dependable mates, and responsible family members. Indifference, being the opposite of love, women nevertheless spread it and expect their love to make up for any shortfalls to the female side of life. The impact on men returns to women as indifference for them as framers of cultural standards, social expectations, and permanent mates. Even worse, the feminist attitude that men are of limited usefulness leads to women being abandoned by their men, which is their inborn greatest fear.
  2. At her website, https://insanitybytes2.wordpress.com/2017/08/31/vagueity-vague-vague/, Insanitybytes22 made this statement in the comments section. “Somebody smart once said ‘what men fear the most is women’s indifference, but what women fear the most, is men’s fear.’” To which I add, women fear indifference—the opposite of love—from men. Yet, they shower their man’s significance—what he has done and can do—with indifference.
  3. Both sexes have one unique motivational force that overrides all others and lasts for life. After puberty, men are motivated to conquer attractive females. When each one yields, he has paid her price and so he owns their sexual agenda and his interest shifts toward a new target. Thus, men have a special sex drive for the unconquered and another for those already conquered. A mother’s love comes alive with each biological birth, lasts for life, and is as unique and motivationally powerful as the primal urge of men to conquer.
  4. Women need to be cherished, but men know little or nothing about womanly needs, especially how being cherished helps fulfill the female’s role as domestic partner.
  5. Individuals are born with free will to prosper themselves as they best see fit. Each is born to get their way associating with others, that is, competitively. Experience in life teaches when it’s possible, practical, unwise, and impossible to win the competition. It’s the essence of self-development, a process that lasts for life.

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Blog 2766 — Refresher Thoughts — 16


God made male the dominant gender so a man could get his way, but mental and physical strength are never enough.

  1. To marry Mr. Right cripples a marriage. Once a gal sights and calls a guy Mr. Right, her screening process turns itself off on the presumption she found what she was after. After they wed, she sees flaws and perhaps red flags that she can’t live with. OTOH, if he screens good enough and she can live with his flaws, she has several marital decades to help him morph himself into Mr. Right by way of finding greater satisfaction living in her grateful presence.
  2. God gave women the talent, skills, and motivational energies for generating and maintaining a relationship as a couple, all the way from dating through marriage and family development. God gave men none of those motivational energies or abilities; whatever men achieve in relationships, they learn from females. Therein lies the challenge that women call burden to avoid doing what they should do as the only experts.
  3. Man and woman meet up full of mutual interest. Two conquerors face off. He seeks first sex without obligation; she seeks sincere obligation before first sex. She expects to be romanced; he views romance as part of foreplay and doesn’t deliver what she expects. She expects his love of her to develop quickly and openly as does her love of him; he expects her to earn his respect first or else his behavior doesn’t become very loveable and she faces disappointment.
  4. I hope to show that the fault lies with females—mothers, grandmothers, girls, bachelorettes, wives, and widows. Each plays a part in conditioning man-think into female friendly behavior. Men are born without the need of romance, intimacy, love, togetherness, morality, and religion. They learn the hows, whats, whens, and whys from females in their lives.
  5. A male’s inborn ambitions lead to continually doing something, accomplishing things that include both purposeful downtime and R&R, and thus adding to his significance. As he develops, a work ethic develops from his habits and successes. However, without good parenting, direction can be faulty and lack guidance. Self-development determines whether he is productive for society, women and children, and beneficial or harmful for self. Each man’s natural under-developed work ethic enables mothers, girls, bachelorettes, and wives to enhance his self-development to the advantage of females and society.

God made female the superior gender, so a wife can get her way.

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2763. She Calls It Cherished — III: Intimacy Defined


In the normal course of events, a wife has to guess whether she’s cherished or not. She has to presume it indirectly from all the signs and signals that originate in or reflect from husband’s words and actions. It’s not a very rewarding game, but many women have to play it as the only way available way to feel cherished. A more direct way exists, but men know so little about it that women see too little of it.

Intimacy has two forms. Passionate as prelude to sex and non-passionate when sex is over or of no intent at the moment. Passionate intimacy cherishes her as sex partner, but she may or may not feel cherished as a woman. Non-passionate intimacy cherishes her as a wife. She hopes for both. However, the non-passionate carries more weight; cherished as a wife includes her sex appeal or husband’s satisfaction; unless something shows otherwise.

Men have little trouble showing passionate intimacy to get what they want. It confirms a female’s sex appeal. Some women may take it as being cherished, but wives don’t. Passionate intimacy leaves cherishment incomplete, but the non-passionate form cherishes her dynamically as a wife. Sensing deep in her heart that she will live a fulfilling life, she desires to be cherished as a whole, successful, and important person even over and above being a woman.

A female expects to be equal as a person, respected as a woman, and used as a sex object. The easier she yields the latter outside of marriage, the more difficult to earn respect. The less respect she earns as a woman among men, the less she finds herself treated equally as a person. To be cherished as a wife compensates for shortfalls in that formula.

What a woman expects does not arise out of the male nature; men are not made that way. So, she has to lay the groundwork out of which she’s hopeful that he will cherish her. How then does she embellish her relationship such that husband or her man cherishes her more than he’s naturally inclined?

Her objective: Condition husband’s thought processes so that he more frequently expresses his devotion at opportune moments, especially just before going to sleep. How? The essence of being cherished can be found in the gratitude that husband/father has for wife/mother, but the male nature works against expressing close emotional ties. So:

  • Get the TV and late night shows out of the bedroom. It’s tough for him to think of expressing intimacy to a “well-used” wife after watching all the shapely dollies prance around. Having just watched hunks outshine her man, wife easily forgets that she’s trying to encourage his intimate behavior, which is the most direct source of her being cherished.
  • Go to bed at the same time. Find ways to encourage him to hold her, snuggle, get personal in his talk, and caress her as the last functions before sleep; e.g., inquire as to what he’s grateful for—then, now, and future. Find ways to connect his gratitude to her presence, and add intimacy to pillow talk.
  • Discreetly shift family habits of thought and conversation away from both kid and adult problems and toward finding gratefulness in whatever life brings; e.g., wife explains to kids at the dinner table how her husband’s accomplishments lead to benefits for kids and family.
  • Only a good and tough mom can do this. Develop and use a ritual to teach family members to find gratitude in each other; e.g., develop this new habit for all members. The birthdate of each member each month will be celebrated by the family seated without absentees at the dinner table. Enforce the code that each member earns the respect of all others on their special day each month. The topic of conversation is to find things for which others are grateful for the ‘guest of honor’ that day. Yes, four kids and you have six dinners together each month, but only one member is highlighted each time. (Just an idea to spur hubby to habitually think about what he’s grateful for.)

A woman’s mission in life is to make herself important to both self and others. She shares herself, spreads her love, enjoys the rewards of giving, and satisfies herself that she is good by doing good. She helps fulfill the lives of those important to her, and her family outranks others. She’s helped along by the natural reward that comes from giving of love and doing for others.

She longs for frequent approval by the most important person in her life. As a girl, it’s usually her father, as wife her husband, and as shack up her man. If he’s not the most important, then fulfillment as a woman escapes her.

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2762. She Calls It Cherished — II


he subject of intimacy is hereby delayed another day or two.

Giving birth is the ultimate accomplishment and each child is a gift, but a woman’s life is primarily devoted to finding, loving, and being cherished by a man. She makes herself important by making herself important to others. If she finds herself cherished, she’s living to the best of her ability.

If cherished, she fulfills the life of a female. She expects her love to be reflected back at her with the same or greater dedication. Her love duplicated can’t be improved. If reflected back at her it’s the ultimate gift and most significant measure of her importance in life.

A man’s love is different. It arises out of his devotion, her loyalty, and their mutual likeability, all of which improve in her view when she is cherished.

To cherish a woman, a man sees that she’s uniquely and highly satisfying as his mate. He sees her appearance as uniquely appealing, perceives her as a virtuous female, senses she’s dependent on his endeavors in life, considers her ideal as his live-in mate, and helps keep him satisfied that he could not have chosen a finer woman.

Just as a man doesn’t know what ‘cherished’ means to a woman, she lacks foresight of what he expects to cherish her. Women can promote themselves toward being cherished with skillful use of their relationship expertise that helps fulfill husbandly expectations:

  • He finds her uniquely and highly satisfying as his mate. So, she lives up to someone or something bigger than herself and it works to keep her calm and steadfast; e.g., she smiles a lot, almost never complains, and lets him discover his mistakes and expose his unattractive behaviors with little more than a glance of disapproval from her.
  • He sees her appearance as uniquely appealing. So, she dresses upscale mainstream attractive but not radical; e.g., she stresses feminine mystique, female modesty, and monogamous spirit in ways that make her more appealing than other women.
  • He perceives her as a virtuous female. So, of her qualities that he admires, she reinforces their use or exposure and dresses to please his taste more than hers; e.g., he frequently compliments her attire.
  • He senses she’s dependent on his endeavors in life. So, she adjusts her cooperative spirit to keep him satisfied with who she is and what she does; e.g., if he likes punctual, she’s punctual.
  • He considers her ideal as his live-in mate. So, she manages the home in ways that keep him satisfied with their living together; e.g., he watches a lot of football, and she doesn’t interrupt when his favorite team plays.
  • She helps keep him satisfied that he could not have chosen a finer woman. So, she’s a model of quiet dignity during annoying, frustrating, and even exasperating moments, especially those that involve him; e.g., her decorum and attitude have the effect of calming him.

Women have many talents, skills, and techniques to embellish delivery of their love in both a relationship and home. By doing so, provided it’s the kind of loving attention that compliments her man, she improves the relationship atmosphere that fosters her being cherished. But that’s not all. She has one other input to her being cherished, and that’s the subject for tomorrow: intimacy.

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2760. Childhood Chores Produce Men Who Love Best


Background

Men are reasonably simple to describe until it comes to loving someone—including themselves. At birth boys lack two vital ingredients essential for their hearts to develop and later distribute as love of others. 1) Unlike girls, boys are born with no sense of self-love. They can’t give what they don’t have. 2) They are born with a sense of responsibility, however, but only to themselves; others are left out of that genetic predisposition.

Men are born to love and be responsible only for what they want to do, and it doesn’t include other people or even themselves to love. Lessons learned later in life program their hearts much too easily with disdain for self-love, love of others, and female friendly ways. Even hate is possible. Those lessons, whatever the outcome, mostly arrive under the sponsorship of parents.

Men learn to love others indirectly. First, they learn to love themselves, and second they expand their sense of responsibility to include others than just themselves. Again, it happens in childhood or not likely at all.

Women are born to love others including themselves. Mating couples can’t succeed very well, however, unless women program the masculine heart with lovable and loving kindness that moves manly interest toward female-friendly interests and conditions. IOW, men become what Womanhood—to the extent that women act alike—expects them to become.

Men don’t love women and kids unless mothers civilize boys about life in the domestic arena; teen girls tame boys to get their way and make boys learn to appreciate female life in the social arena; bachelorettes smooth out the ruffled feathers of masculinity; and wives complete their man’s self-development to promote and harmonize family friendliness.

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Solution

A man’s ability to love others arises from a two-step process. 1) His potential to love future wife and kids arises during self-development in his growing-up years. His latent ability develops from actions that program him with loveable, peaceable, and harmonizing thoughts and loyalty that overwrite any disinterest and hate for self and others. 2) His love becomes fulfilled with later experience investing himself in the care and lives of those he loves. His actions program his heart, and the greater his investment of self, the greater his sense of duty to provide, protect, etc.

Men see the love of someone else as a duty, and men do their duty to satisfy themselves. By self-development and expanding his sense of responsibility to include others, duty becomes routine and his love becomes more evident.

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Left to themselves, boys self-develop strictly loyal to self. OTOH, they develop with broader interest in other people when they learn who they are, what they do, and what roles they fill in life in the process of peaceably handling daily chores. Consequently, the fewer and less challenging the chores, the more loyal boys remain to self and less potential they develop for loving and being responsible for others.

The daily expression of fulfilling responsibility for chores programs their hearts. They may never learn to love the chores. However, they learn to like themselves for pleasing someone else, mostly mom, and displaying their ability. That is both personal growth and self-development. They become more unique as new chores challenge their maturity and they incorporate chores into their self-developmental habits. It all works as God designed us: Actions program the heart during the decade between toddler and puberty.

After a decade of chores, boys are programmed with both reason to love self and acceptance that their sense of duty includes other people and things in life. IOW, boys develop habits of externalizing rather than internalizing their thoughts, efforts, and satisfactions, which programs their hearts for sharing love more easily by accepting responsibility for others.

Parents and mostly mothers have one solution to overcome developmental obstructions. It is the continual assignment and peaceful supervision of chores. Over a decade, that process turns out mature adults capable of personal devotion and loyalty to others, and it flourishes particularly for parents who lead by example and suppress disturbance with love rather than turmoil. Thus, the childhood habit of loyalty to one’s chores emerges in adulthood as loyalty to those for whom one is responsible.

In the final analysis, boys are born lacking self-love and with his sense of responsibility focused directly on himself alone. Girls are born lacking in self-respect. Work in the form of chores develops both a boy’s self-love and expands his sense of responsibility to include others. Chores between toddler and puberty breeds self-respect in girls.

After his conscious mind opens in his third year, with good parenting, boys learn both self-love and to expand his sense of duty to include others by self-consciously performing chores that are not demeaning but which uplift him through achievements. Success performing chores slightly more mature than he is at the time program his heart with both self-love and ability to be responsible to and for others. Out of the process of performing endless boyhood chores imposed peaceably by motherly values, standards, and expectations inculcated into his still-developing character, a boy begins teen life with a heart full of mature man-think by the time puberty has passed.

 

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2759. Outer Beauty Attracts, Inner Beauty Captures and Holds


Born to believe she is pretty, it underwrites both a gal’s personality and sense of self-importance. If she follows the primary motivational force in her life, then she reinforces her sense of self-importance by making herself more important to others. From an inborn and deep resource of self-love, she spreads love to those of her choosing in the process of routinely confirming her self-importance.

Born believing himself to be handy, it underwrites a boy or man’s quickness to judge, enlarges his self-interest in girls and women, and upgrades a gal’s body shape from female prettiness to feminine beauty. It’s a matter of choice that matches each male’s attraction to the opposite sex. Why the difference between female and feminine? In the mind of the hunter-conqueror, female means sexually available and feminine means she may be good for more than that, the ultimate of which would be mating for an extended period.

Note this connection: I started with her natural prettiness and ended with a mate. What happens in between spins the social and domestic arenas of life. Emerson said “The world turns on hope.” Guy says, The world of females turns on how women appear, appeal to men, and harmonize compatibly within each couple. The world of males turns on how females make sex available or unavailable with or without obligation. In the end, access to premarital sex enables men to rule women through dominance, whereas obligated access enables women to govern relationships until compatible mates develop, mature, and avoid separation.

Over the long run, each pretty woman is beautiful only to the man or men who call her that. Moreover, it pays for each woman to upgrade her inner beauty, which she can improve, rather than upgrading her outer beauty, which depends on the opinion of someone else.

Prettiness is the root of a woman’s inner beauty, which is the foundation of the beauty a man sees in her. In the real world that leads to marital success, it’s as if both sexes play solitaire. She plays the game of maximizing inner beauty; she avoids trying to convince others of anything more attractive than she is inside herself. He plays the game of finding her weaknesses that may get her into his bed and accidentally discovers her inner beauty, provided that she delays conquest long enough.

IOW, she indirectly enhances what some man will see as her beauty by ‘doctoring’ up the prettiness of her personality, likeability, admirable character, smiling outlook, pleasant attitude, and living by her heart. She focuses on what she’s born with more than living by her mind and the unappealing lessons learned in life, such as how men think. Perhaps not so for particular moments, but clothing that matches her inner beauty is more appealing to men than clothing that attracts men sexually.  

In that way, improved prettiness motivates a woman to look better, which motivates men to more easily call her beautiful, which adds feminine worth that pushes men to upgrade masculine decisions about women, which makes the world turn slower or faster depending on how women appear and appeal, which enables women to determine better what obligations are necessary before they yield sex to a man of interest to capture and keep.

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NOTE: I previously mentioned that coverage of the subject of intimacy was coming soon. While the subject is simple, it is connected with other concepts. I’m still working on a project tougher than I envisioned when I announced it.

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Blog 2757 — Essentials of Successful Marriage — 08 Avoid Loss of Likeability


I remain indisposed for daily postings. However, I found some easy reading to consider while I get shipshape once again.

Love isn’t enough. The absence of little things enable marital glue to work. Consequently, I offer the following to dwell on until I can return.

http://www.thefederalistpapers.org/us/woman-realizes-that-shes-been-accidentally-abusing-her-husband-this-whole-time

I argue it again, although I don’t sense a lot of support. Keeping a man alongside her is much more a function of their mutual likeability than mutual love. Why? Because her love of him does not satisfy him directly nearly as much as her satisfying presence in his life.

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