Category Archives: How she wins

2828. Love is Never Enough — 08: More on the Macro Scale

Females have two forms of love, unconditional mother love and conditional love they like to share and spread among others. A woman expresses both in two ways:

1) She feels good about herself for sharing her love with someone else. It’s a selfish act designed into the female nature to ensure she learns to spread love to others. It also lingers in some women who never learn to be sincere in sharing their love with others.

A woman’s love isn’t worth very much if sharing it only makes her feel good about herself. IOW, selfishness does not lead to happy female.

2) Her expressions of love should make targets like themselves better and feel more worthwhile because of her presence in their lives. Both should benefit, men primarily from her actions, and other women primarily from her words.

She gives her love to someone else and receives the benefits of their loving or at least appreciating her in return; that is, she gives love for benefits in her life. When successful by being unselfish, she feels doubly good about herself; she gives and mostly gets much of what she wants in return. Although originally motivated by selfishness to make sure she shares her love, she learns early in life that she has greater returns on her loving investments by not being selfish.

And then she runs into this paradox of which women seem ignorant.

The paradox lives on daily and eternally. She loves whomever she loves, and it’s the result of her directly sharing her love. He loves what he owns, and her demonstrations of her love are tested against his sense of her duty to his ownership. IOW, her love has to fit in with all the other things he ‘bought’ when he married her.

Certain behaviors are contradictory to husband’s sense of her duty, and men are long on duty. Example: A wife’s yelling, blaming, criticizing, and speaking ill of him to others contradicts her words of love. If she poisons his sense of her duty, how can she keep him satisfied with himself for choosing her?

Regarding him, she loves enough of who he is and what he does to please her that he should love her too. Regarding her, he already loves who she is and what she does, or he wouldn’t be with her. She need only to not contradict it or surprise him with qualities or habits that annoy or are opposite to what he anticipated. But that’s another story.

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Filed under Dear daughter, How she loses, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2818. Well-liked Article (#82 updated from January 2008)

Theme: HardToGet Pays Off

Modern women bypass playing hardtoget. It works to stimulate and hold attention of the opposite sex, but women so corrupted the art that men stole it.

Our foremothers’ strategy forced men to devote time and effort just getting to know them. A man had to work to figure out what made her tick. It posed challenges instead of giveaways. Conquest took the back seat in his mind, because hardtoget forced it there.

It enabled her to dominate the pre-dating and dating phases. Her lack of eagerness made him eager, when she played it right. In the process he uncovered her attributes of value to him.

Hardtoget means to use disinterest and indirectly dominate any situation with a male of interest. One should keep plans and schedules personal. Show none and even hide eagerness. Don’t explain, don’t complain, don’t reveal intentions, don’t alibi, don’t offer excuses or reasons for doing or not doing something. She states flatly when and what she will and won’t do. Never why, never eager for his presence, and never without his putting forth considerable effort.

The strategy works, because people do not appreciate what they are given for little or no reason. But what they earn, they appreciate. Especially true of men.

Hardtoget challenges a man to pursue a gal and to explore what she is really like. Or else, it provides evidence that he’s not all that interested in her. The earlier she knows that, the better off she is.

The hard truth: Men now exploit this superior tactic, call it ‘vague and unavailable’, and women fall prey to the ingenuity of their own gender.


Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage

2816. Well-liked Article (#73 updated from January 2008)

Subject: Submission is wife’s strong suit.

Modern women think that submitting to husband’s authority forfeits wife’s interests. Now, let’s take another look at that issue.

Women fill two roles: female and relationship partner. But modern women are confused. Females hormonally resist submitting to a potential threat, a man. But as girls and single women, they submit to male conquest just to have a boyfriend. That ultimate submissiveness means to men that a gal will submit for other circumstances that follow.

As sex partner to a man, gals naturally gain relationship advantages by adopting a submissive spirit. But modern wives argue, criticize, and otherwise demonstrate an in-your-face fussiness. More masculine than feminine. More success for her in his domain and less success for him to himself.

What she expects does not come hormonally to his hard-headed and hard-hearted self. She either enables and empowers him to succeed as himself with her as partner, or she loses him.

As wife, she focuses primarily on nesting and relationship development and maintenance. She’s primarily the nesting authority focused on the future. She perceives success through long term lenses. She’s successful if she has tomorrow’s events under control today.

The issue of who submits to whom revolves around respect each has for the other. When she wants him to succeed, look good, or lead the way, she submits. When he likes her way of doing something, he submits if there’s no watering down of his authority or direct threat to his dominance as perceived by others.

He can’t be successful to himself, if others see him weakened by his wife. His competitors are outside the home, not inside.

Post 2815 is about male submission.



Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2815. Well-liked Article (#72 updated from January 2008)

Subject: Men are submissive too

A sexy man. Men perceive themselves with one primary persona in life—being a man. His sexiness helps, and if it’s not evident, he’ll prove it in bed.

Men don’t voluntarily abandon the hormonal urge of being a man. But they enlarge their persona when coached to do so by one woman. Since improvement requires a man to change, respect is her key to the operating room, submissiveness her surgical instrument.

A man expects to succeed as himself in all his relationship roles. He focuses primarily on provider-protector and needs a lot of feminine coaching to fully accept the friend, faithful mate, husband, father, affection-giver, and devoted-lover roles that his woman expects of him.

Whatever roles he fits himself into, he knows what he has to do in each. He claims certain domains and proceeds to fulfill his responsibility, overcome obstacles, and produce desirable goals to his satisfaction.

For example, his family needs more money, so he gets a second job. Wife expects more affection, so he washes her car. She expects help with spring cleaning, so he uses the leaf blower inside the house while she’s away. In all cases, he needs control over the appropriate domains of family life for him to be satisfied with himself.

If he’s not satisfied with himself, he’s not likely to be adequate for his woman. She may try to talk him into success, but his self-fulfilling prophecy can too easily prove otherwise. Eventually, they’ll fold as a couple.

It’s far more important that she help him succeed and satisfy himself than satisfy her or the family—if he’s worth keeping. It’s the tap-root of family integrity. People keep doing what they are successful at to themselves, as they see it, or as they want others to perceive it.

Next is about the female side.


Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, Fickle female, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2811. A Special Recap for an Upcoming Bride: Love

Her Highness CartieB, with questions at post 2808, inspired this series in four-parts: compatible, purpose, love, and sex — i.e., posts 2809-2812.

LOVE. The sexes are generally born as described below. However, individuals modify and intensify their lives variously by lessons learned growing up.

The multiple expressions of womanly love can be described in four forms. 1) Romantic love, the offspring of infatuation, fades a year or two after a couple’s first sex together. 2) Enduring deep affection with romance embedded, and 3) enduring love for people and things without romantic connections, both of which reward a woman just by its presence in her heart. 4) Mother love sprouts anew and unconditionally after giving birth to each child.

Men have one highly complex form of loving a woman, mate, or wife. Founded on his respect that she has to earn, his devotion grows from his dedication to please her and habit of pleasing himself by pleasing her. Her personal likeability enhances his devotion and he senses pleasure when in her presence.

Complementing that with self-interest, logic, and reason, and her expected loyalty to him alone, he convinces himself that he can be more satisfied living with her than satisfied with himself living alone. It’s the revelation point; he admits to himself that she’s the one to fit into his life, and he decides to propose.

It’s a one-time moment and a man’s version of true love. He convinces himself that he will be more satisfied living with her than with himself or someone else. IOW, admitting true love to himself IS his willingness to commit. He proposes, thereby blindly accepts responsibility for generating success in their marriage, and trusts that his bride will govern their arrangement such that he remains satisfied with himself for marrying her.

Note what’s absent above, her love of him. While her love confirms that he’s worthy of her , it’s less for him and not the convincer or persuader she hopes for. Her love adds to her personal likeability, reinforces his likeability to her, and helps sustain his conviction that she will remain faithful to him. All of which grow a man’s love. But her love of him, however wonderfully she feels convincing him of it, isn’t nearly enough to keep him as she hopes and prays.

Two factors outrank and override both her love of him and good sex as predictors of their future together: 1) His devotion to her. 2) His satisfaction with himself living with her. Without one or both, she’s temporary.

The following dissolves any and all glues shown above and guarantees a couple’s togetherness will end sooner or later: blame, guilt, frustrations, criticisms, irritants, and belittling remarks aimed at husband.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences, The mind

2808. Open Marriage: Details

The hidden, direct, and dishonorable purpose of open marriage is for wives to shop for another mate at the expense of the one they suckered into marriage. One they find no longer worth loving exclusively.

Open marriage proves this point: Love is never enough. Women swear by love. They applaud their ability to spread it around and promise their husbands a successful life together. However, lack of respect, loyalty, likeability, or faith about their future ahead are all capable of reducing a woman’s love to not enough for her to work harder to keep her marriage sound.

Instead of fulfilling good intentions as promised, wives act like men and seek escape without risk to present security. They seek open marriage. Wife may be partially motivated to beat husband at what she suspects he’s doing or at least beat him to it.

Open marriage disrupts current marital relations, dislocates benefits for their own children, and discredits the institution of marriage as friend of females. Wives see opportunity outside the home. They plead and negotiate for open marriage to fulfill sexual dreams with other men, domestic ambitions with another man, or both.

Open marriage directly spoils marital sacredness established and supported over centuries of civilized human relations and supported by religious institutions and moral values and standards.

Open marriage by a few women means the death of marriage for all. Easy escape easily perceived can become more popular and preferable to keeping a marriage alive with the hard work of wives. Husbands, traditionally responsible to stay with their wives, will have marital glue dissolved in the beds of other men.

A man’s proposal of marriage makes him responsible for marital success, defined here as they never separate. He can’t be held responsible when other men can screw him out of his woman.

A wife’s obligation dissolves with open marriage. She’s no longer responsible to satisfy husband with himself as husband. He’s also free to seek wives or single women to fulfill his side of open marriage. If he can, that is. He has far bigger problems attracting a woman than she a man, and it’s another stressful inequality. Even the dumbest of husbands should see it as an extra freebie for their wives. Extra freebies cause envy and jealousy, either or both of which eats away at mutual respect, loyalty, likeability, loyalty, and faith in the future together, any of which can overpower a woman’s love.

Many husbands are sexually inexperienced. In bed with women not their own, they perform poorly, embarrassedly, and without the attractions that enable them to win a woman for himself. IOW, even replacing spouse is a far more troublesome business than his wife experiences in the wide open spaces of external relationships. More freebies for her.

An open marriage is perhaps preceded by help from a therapist. One who has no interest in preserving a marriage, but therapists get paid to satisfy two people that are doing the ‘right’ thing for them. IOW, therapists earn their pay by indirectly convincing the recalcitrant spouse that the spouse most interested in open marriage should get his or her way. Wife seeking open marriage is already dead set against continuing as before; she’s tired of husband and seeks redress because he’s dumb or stupid enough to let her ‘experiment’ with other men.

Open marriage is the death of a man’s marital rights. When husband gives away monogamous entitlements, it enables wife to choose to be responsive to him only to the extent she desires. Any submissiveness is killed by just a stiff refusal; she has the whole outside world as option to following husband’s lead. With so many options and potentials other than him, the pressures build on husband to accept wife’s bluffs.

Her respect of husband declines from his unwillingness to protect what is rightfully his, earned at the altar, and promised as her part of their marital bargain. By yielding marital rights, husband’s self-respect fades from being unable to cover all the bases necessary for him to be responsible for marital success.

In the final analysis, open marriage shames the husband’s ego, reduces his interests to marital irrelevance, and replaces the natural dominance of the husband role with dominance by the roles of independent wife and concerned mother. Any equality or harmony as a couple shrinks beneath the constant stress of sour notes, discord, and growing bitterness.


Filed under Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, sex differences, The mind

2807. Open Marriage: Big Picture

A recent trend in feminist-think is the open marriage. A married couple chooses to freely associate sexually with others both known and unknown. Pressure for expanding its popularity is another power play by feminists to expunge America of family traditions. And open marriage is certain to accelerate the trend.

Feminists are always seeking ways to equalize the sexes. However, open marriage magnifies the inequality against men already institutionalized in laws and courts.

The feminist cause behind open marriage is to discredit marriage and eventually end it as an institution of togetherness. Feminists see marital obligations as unequal, onerous, and even abusive to wives, because feminists have convinced women that they shouldn’t respect men for either who they are or what they do.

Blame men and one finds it easy to justify getting what feminists want women to become: loudmouth defenders of equality for the sake of imposing more womanly influence over men. It’s well underway too. Feminists tout sexual freedom, sex for pleasure, and embrace porn for its homo influence; all serve as innocent or welcomed motivators of women. In the name of more sexual activity, everything is now welcomed by women.

Open marriage threatens the success of two primal urges that women have spent millennia trying to arrange dynamically and to the advantage of female interests. Specifically, mother love and the primal sex drive of men to conquer, both of which last for life.

Those two complex, complementary, and balanced motivational forces are alike in strength, dynamism, and determination. The primary sex drive buried deep in the unconscious mind of men explodes during puberty and remains a hidden agenda for life. It motivates men to achieve the one-time conquest of attractive and available women. As for women, mother love is rooted deep in the female’s unconscious mind and emerges with natural childbirth.

Over the millennia, by promising monogamous loyalty, wives tame masculine wildness and convince men to live a civilized life that wives can then make evermore female-friendly. Marriage has always been some sort of swap meet that domesticates men to be loyal in generating/providing/protecting a woman’s family in exchange for wife being sexually faithful.


Open marriage provides individual wives many opportunities to find a new mate while enjoying the pleasures of sex and screening for new-mate potential. Each encounter becomes a satisfying shopping trip at virtually no cost to her. Without interest in that possibility, the female nature has no interest in spousal permission to betray the other.

Women bond with men during sex. As open wives bond with other men, they are certain to splinter whatever allegiance exists to husband. How many strangers and friends, how much outside bonding? Whatever, it’s a huge inequality of spousal loyalty.

Women who seek open marriage have already lost allegiance to their husband, or at least lost enough to question the wisdom of remaining with him without testing the outside world. Or, at least lost enough that the anticipated joy of new mystery and sex for pleasure overrides interest in him.

Men don’t bond during sex, and so husbands lack both the pleasures and the emotional connections that naturally uplift open wives. With permission to cheat, sex with other women becomes routine if husband can find women who are willing. Wives can easily find sex partners; husbands can’t. Another advantage to women. His inequality leaves husband monogamous as before, while wife splits and splinters their togetherness with thoughts of other men.

If she has sex with friends or acquaintances of husband, what do you think happens to his respect among those friends and cohorts? It’s not a condition men tolerate easily, and they usually take deep hurt or great offense.

Open marriage threatens both spouses and their dreams of togetherness. Only a few sexual encounters outside the relationship are sufficient to sever emotional connections in the home. Two people living separate lives under the same roof, for how long can their marriage last? What will their children learn, as mother pursues sex while father sits with the kids? Can boys respect mothers who aren’t loyal to fathers? Kids can quickly conclude that mom looks for a new father for them.


Their respective natures work like this. Beginning in toddlerhood, men dream of doing or becoming what they admire. Ambitions arise, accomplishments build one upon another, until they develop their lives into the pursuit of what they dream.

Girls are slightly different. They self-develop in girlhood until they feel proficient as candidate for a good woman. Then, just before or in the early throes of puberty,  they visualize and dream of what they expect their life to become. Usually with husband, family, and home or suitable substitutes that come with settling down as a couple.

He cheats and she wants to talk. His emotional connection with her is more important than his physical fidelity. She has two options from which to choose the best for her at the time and amidst her total situation.

OTOH, she cheats and he wants to walk. Only one option exists because she betrays him to his competitors, which threatens his self-respect, which weakens his respect for her, and which proportionally weakens his love of her. A man is unwilling to live with an unfaithful woman, because he loses both respect and love for her.

As spouses become less unique in generating and keeping emotional connections with each other, their purpose of mutually trading strengths and mutually compensating for weaknesses dissolves into weaker values for tradeoff. Each becomes less important to the other, and the glue of marriage dissolves with each exchange of dissatisfaction with the other. Open marriage is designed to produce that effect: They don’t need each other as much as before and are justified in finding someone else.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, The mind