Category Archives: How she wins

2750. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 03 Her Battle of the Sexes

At post 2749 I described the War of the Sexes as each woman individually and independently up against all men, competing to see who gets their way. They are blessed by nature to succeed in that arrangement. Men go where the women are, so it’s up to each woman to play her cards independently to her own advantage.

Perhaps contrary to popular thought, the Battle of the Sexes is not about male gender versus female gender, dominance vs. submissive, equality vs. fairness, husband vs. wife, responsibility vs. irresponsibility. It’s easy to believe those competitive connections to be normal. However, God didn’t design us, Nature and genetics don’t endow us, and hormones don’t energize us that way.*

The Battle of the Sexes is one on one, begins with first encounter, and she commands the battleground. One woman willing to yield her independence under the right conditions versus one man willing to suppress his dominant nature long enough to conquer her. She inherits the burden to convince him that she’s much more endearing to him personally and more valuable for his life than are his hopes of conquest.

Both are born to get their way with the other, eternal competition that only a relationship expert can manage well. He’s a conqueror seeking conquest without obligation. She’s a conqueror seeking marriage before conquest. It’s the only way she can be sure of what he is truly after, either sex or her.

With a lasso made of her beauty, mystery, modesty, monogamous spirit, and his desire to conquer, he places it around his neck. One woman cuts out that man from the herd; leads him into her corral; breaks him of bucking; and does it with vim, vigor, and vitality. Before he can get her into bed the first time, she coaches and persuades him to learn how it pleases him to be both tamed and harnessed with her as good woman. By committing to how she trains him, he finally achieves conquest and enjoys the frequent and convenient sex won by pulling her buggy through life together.

The Battle of the Sexes expands with them as a couple. They court until both are convinced they are made for each other. He makes his move with a proposal of marriage, if and when he’s convinced living with her will satisfy him more than the way he presently lives.

With all his warts and sins, she is more the challenge than he. Example: As soon as she blames him for being like all men, she hardens his resistence to her influence, which means she weakens her ability to win the battle of capturing him. It’s a contradiction she has to work out successfully in the corral of their life together, and she has more than enough ability. The time and way to start is the tough part. (Discussed more deeply in future articles.)

The Battle of the Sexes is continuous in time, daily in events, and one woman pitted against whatever man she currently faces in whatever role he fills—first encounter, friend, foe, husband, boyfriend, business associate, FWB, or whatever. It’s each woman’s personal battle, and she has no one but herself to win it. IOW, yes, it’s all up to her how well she does in both the war and her battles to get her way in life with one man.

She has to rely on herself alone. As soon as she seeks help through the aegis and protection of other women banding together or blaming all men for her man’s faults, the man she faces assumes the aura of dominance in her eyes, which weakens her position. She then takes the easy road, allows for the expected dominant pressures, and yields sex or other matters without a battle of wits. In the process, he more easily refuses to cooperate or help her win their one-on-one battle.

By disregarding dominance as having a role in her relationships, each individual female more easily cuts out one horse to put in her corral. The battle then is that one female tames one male to be civilized up to female expectations to facilitate the raising of children. Each individual woman does that to her man, and she leaves other men and women out of her life to do the same for themselves.

Tomorrow: His Battle of the Sexes


* It appears that way because modern culture says we can’t live with the sexes being different. The political class for reasons hidden from the public for over half a century ridicule men and criticize male traits and behaviors. They blame men for female problems, which makes enemies of men, which makes women desperate to have a man, which encourages them to act more like men in order to have one of their own. IOW, if women can’t make men stand up to feminist exaggerations, copy their ambitions and lie down with them.

The professed political object centralizes power to weaken patriarchy, but the result is political makeover of America. Once, our Judeo-Christian culture was primarily female friendly. Nowadays, it’s male friendlier and getting more so.




Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2749. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 02 War of the Sexes

I recently recognized a severe problem connected with my explanations, reader understanding, and women relating with men. Let me re-frame the relationship picture. For clarity in the future, I use more precise definitions of the War of the Sexes and the Battle of the Sexes (tomorrow).

The War of the Sexes is men against women, true. Individuals of both sexes are born to get their way, so competition is a universal motivator. Yet, the dominant sex is reluctant to give away the privileges of dominance. Consequently, women far too easily fall victim to masculine disregard, disrespect, and even maltreatment except they find a better way to handle one man’s dominance.

It’s the immovable object of male dominance versus the irresistible force of attractive females. That picture needs further development.

Men are individualistic and have the physical and mental ability to force women if they wish. Viewing that as threatening, women cooperate more and try to bond together to overcome male dominance. It’s not their best strategy to admit that dominance exists.

The irresistible force of women comes not from their banding together but the opposite. Immovable objects are vulnerable to unique female beauty, independent mystery and charm of individual females, and their willingness to respect a man for who he is, what he does, and what he can brag about and promise for her future. It’s a job for each individual woman on her own.

It arises out of the irresistible attractiveness in the eyes of men that encourages one of them to become moveable—that is, more civilized, tamed, and accepting of one woman’s expectations in order to have her as his own. Consequently, unless each exploits her attractiveness to the best of her ability, she becomes less irresistible and less appealing to a man seeking a permanent mate.

It amounts to this. The war is each individual woman versus all men. Neither all nor many men can satisfy her. She only needs one but has to screen many and perhaps fight some to find one good enough for her standards and expectations. She has to be able to govern their relationship, which means she has to earn his  trust, which only arises out of his respect earned early in their relationship.

Therefore, until one man finds her the dream of his life, all those others make up a parade of passers-by. She’s on her own with whatever irresistible attractions she can generate. Other women are more competition than helpers; their advice is not based on her expectations, hopes, and dreams but their own as they apply it to her life. Her own judgments are paramount, and the greater her self-gratitude, the stronger and more dependable her decisions for her.

Neither individually nor gender-wide as feminists try to make it, women can’t overpower their dominant mate. They may think or assume they have, but it isn’t reality; men can invent surprises, if they don’t already have some developed. In their heart of hearts, they refuse to lose to a weaker person in the normal course of events. She has to make their relationship unique and above normal in his eyes, so that he loses interest in always getting his way with her. He prefers to please her more than dominate her.

She can do it. Women are born with special abilities that men lack. She was born to get her way, and she’s all alone in getting it with one man. She was also born with all the ability needed to achieve it. Self-gratitude for courage to stand up to get her way; the respectful, respectable, and honorable intentions within her heart and manner; and the necessary skills, talent, and expertise to govern their relationship successfully.

When women try to outcompete dominant men, they fail over the long run. Consequently, she’s better with another strategy. Women are born able to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver the dominance in one man—not the man but his dominant ways that are vulnerable to his being bought off. Provided, that is, if no one else knows about it, or it appears he’s giving of himself rather than being defeated.

Each woman’s war continues daily until she isolates one man to join her in the Battle of the Sexes, one on one. Her female armor shines virtuously with mystery, modesty, and monogamous promise. Maybe more, but at least one man finds her attractive enough that his self-interest to have her exceeds his natural urge for first-time sex together.

Her lasso is around his neck, and she never threw it. He took her attractive bait as he continues to enjoy the self-promise of exploiting his conqueror’s ability and ambition of bedding her. The immovable object yields to the irresistible force.

So much for handling male dominance. It’s won in the war between one woman and all men. In her self-development as a female, she refuses to recognize it in light of her irresistibility and ability to park dominance off in the corner of her relationships.

Dominance is out of the picture. The Battle of the Sexes is one-on-one and enables an independent woman to use her irresistible force to make her likeability as potential mate as attractive as her best appearance.


Filed under boobs, courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she wins, marriage

2745. When Ladies Reign, Men Pay More Attention

Her Highness Lady Penny at post 2744, captivated me with this claim:

“For me, the moment I exert my independence and difference/uniqueness at the office, everyone wants to know why I must be so different from them or so difficult or why I must have an ‘attitude’, as they perceive it. There is big pressure to be the same/equal to everyone else and I find this very disrespectful and annoying. I am constantly in rebel mode, just to protect who I am.”

I’m more grateful than surprised to read what Lady Penny says. Congratulations are due for her operating in rebel mode; it will benefit her in the long run. She gave me this point on which to elaborate; there are two kinds of women.

The lady stands out with a higher level of feminine attractiveness, respect, and desire. She’s different from other gals. Her uniqueness generates masculine curiosity about her feminine mystery, modesty, and self-respect. The imagination of many men stirs with thoughts about how to achieve conquest.

Men want too investigate the lady more than her less unique sister females. Investigation requires investment of time and money, which provides opportunity for a lady to screen and measure a man’s potential for marriage. Longer investigations accrue to her benefit. Thus, the lady manages her life more to her liking than other women are capable.

My major point springs out of the seed Lady Penny plants above. It’s precisely her kind of womanly behavior that civilizes, tames, and domesticates men to act like better men for females; be more circumspect pursuing sex; be more cautious about showing disrespect; and be more reluctant to offend by suggesting fellatio. In short, be more gentlemanly.

Men act that way only when women make themselves appear unconquerable as a matter of duty to themselves. In that way ladylike behavior consistently dampens and slows a man’s conquering urges without killing his interest for lack of progress.

After many years of observation and study, I claim this to be accurate. The more ladylike the woman, the more likely she finds a good man and keeps him as good husband. Of course, describing what turns woman into successful lady is far more complicated than described here. However, I hit some high spots.

A lady stands up for herself as different and not dependent on other women for how to dress, associate, converse, and entertain. Her judgements are infallible, and she’s able to live with her mistakes. If she has a husband, she makes him look good among his friends and associates, aka his competitors. If unmarried, her purposeful attractiveness stirs a man’s curiosity. Many men imagine themselves the beneficiary of what husbands appreciate with a lady wife, and manly ambitions enlarge or shift direction.

A woman can become a lady by being more independent. She stresses her difference from other women and dresses up regularly and modestly with an attractive body, preferably slender and graceful. Acting as a lady subliminally plants seeds that her attractiveness hides a more intriguing female of unknown quality. She challenges men to stimulate manly competition for her attention. She’s willing be dependent on her man, but he first has to measure up to her standards and expectations in order to win her.

Ladies elevate themselves above other women. They govern their sex world by standing out as different among women. Seemingly unconcerned about opinions that differ from their own, ladies appear unique in the eyes of men. All of which adds feminine mystique, modesty, and qualities that invite men to admire as virtues. The purpose of being a lady is to attract, capture, and keep one of the best men available. Other women don’t admire a lady’s ability and so they end up out-competed by more unique females.

Other women, dressed for comfort and erogenous zone exposure more than feminine attractiveness, send a message that they care not a whit for how they look to men in general. They may fix up for a date but little else but church. Their appearance implies that sexual assets are available for little more than the asking. Caring little about appearance generally, they self-identify as round heel, easy-to-conquer women not permanently attractive to men but to whom they are usable and disposable. They find and exploit a boyfriend and expect proposal of marriage through sexual adventuring or living together, but they never learn how to capture a good husband. If they do, they can’t keep him very long.

Such short-sighted women want to be like female associates rather than stand out as individuals. In so doing they easily ignore or bypass their instinct and intuition about human nature. In the final result, they find themselves victimized by lack of special regard, respect, consideration, and as uniquely different in the eyes of men. Moreover, they have to rely on sex just to attract a man.

They try so often to have boyfriend or husband that sex becomes the currency of relationships. However, sex doesn’t bond a man, too much currency downgrades women into common ordinariness, more and more sex is needed to sustain satisfaction with life, and promiscuity spreads as hard-up women seek more satisfaction with themselves.

When women act like ladies with all the accessories that symbolize their independent power status and influence inside a couple, they reign in the social marketplace and the home. Unfortunately, modern women don’t see it that way. They expect a lot by offering so little. I spot in public so many empty ring fingers in just thirty- and forty-year old women. To this man, it seems both sexes are losing satisfaction with their lives and especially with the opposite sex.

Thank you, Lady Penney, for the opportunity to open the subject. It’s lain dormant in my mind for a long time.


Filed under boobs, courtship, feminine, Her glory, How she wins, marriage

2744. Life Made Simpler for Women — 13

  1. What is beautiful in a wife? Perception being reality to husband, her beauty is whatever he inherits with his proposal and they began life together.
  2. Our perceptions always differ, and mine is more accurate than yours. Men believe much easier what they figure out and not what a woman tells them about relationships they happen to be in.
  3. The secret to any relationship one hopes to keep alive is to keep him satisfied with who he is and what he’s doing. Of course, it’s impossible at all times. But women who practice for years eventually master the art; they are born to win at that game.
  4. A woman’s beauty is best used to find, recruit, and capture a man. After conquest, it has much less relationship appeal, although it contributes significantly to her likeability and thus toward marriage.
  5. Picky, fussy, independent, and strongly feminine women attract the most and catch the best men, provided they mostly smile, politely listen, and remain attractive.
  6. The smarter woman out-competes other gals. She makes all men take less notice of sex and focus on who she is and what she does—which is how men measure someone’s worth.
  7. Hunters scout for self-satisfaction. A trophy deer gets wall-mounted, rabbits do not. Mentally, a husband wants to see wife remain unchanged to always remind of the superior satisfaction of earning her for his own. Whatever she was worth, he beat out those other dudes.
  8. Women don’t want to think about this. Conquest means she’s been earned, he paid her price. She is his already, and he can naturally ignore her hopes to keep him. The unconquered woman drives an armored vehicle to guard her most valuable assets. On conquest, she may or may not have the ticket to board the conqueror’s bus.


Filed under boobs, courtship, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2740. Disclosure Drowns Her Mystique — II

Via another media to me, a lady asked for my input about this quote.

“Btw, Sir Guy, there is some dating advice out there that says that in order to connect deeply with a man’s heart we need to show our vulnerable side…our feelings. Men live in their heads so to connect with their hearts they need a woman who is connected to hers. We are supposed to speak in ‘feeling messages’ like ‘that film made me feel really nostalgic” – etc. What is your take on this?”

Section I — My response that it is garbage is posted at 2739.

Section II

The lady who sent “connect deeply with a man’s heart” got the idea at a dating website. It’s aimed politically, fashioned out of feminist propaganda as dating advice, and used to loosen moral values and lower standards. Women should never think they can connect that way. It misleads and is more imagination than reality regardless of the feelings they disclose to a man.

The way to a man’s heart is through his mind. Once he believes something deeply in his mind, his heart absorbs it. New beliefs inspire new actions, but much time can pass before his beliefs match his various ambitions.

Example: Just loving a woman does not inspire him to religiously, frequently, and routinely show it. Men are different. Unlike women, a man’s love is not the ultimate motivator in his life. So, it’s natural that women never hear enough of their man’s love.

The way into a man’s mind is this. He converts a woman’s indirect actions and patient attitude into something he wants to believe. He figures her out more than he believes direct expressions of her opinions and expectations.

Indirectly, she hints and plants seeds that reveal she’s thinking of the future. It makes her easier to believe than imposing her ideas, opinions, and expectations in the present. By yielding the present to him and making time work for her, he sees or imagines actions that add credibility to his beliefs about her.

As his beliefs grow and solidify, they slip gently into his heart. His belief in her likeability, loyalty, and his devotion to her, and it all slips into his heart. His love of her emerges to his mind, although he is probably reluctant to express it.

If he is being sincere, a young man is reluctant to talk about what’s in his heart. It forces women to judge him more by what he does than what he says. As he lives awhile with a woman or as he ages, it becomes much easier to reveal his heart. It’s another reason women are endowed with so much patience, hope, and self-gratitude. Their major rewards for having lived a good life come late in life.

In the final analysis, women not only can’t connect directly with a man’s heart, they have immense problems just trying to uncover what resides there.

An exception exists but few women uncover it. It reveals itself over the years as a good wife becomes a great woman. So great, in fact, husband’s devotion magnifies productively in favor of both her and their life together.

He’s satisfied with who he is and what he does to promote her mental well-being and their marriage. He’s also mystified by how she has become a femininely smooth but internally tough woman who is extremely satisfying to him and gratified with herself. Her super willingness to share her love spikes the punch bowl of harmony. She injects widespread respect and gratitude throughout her nest, the relationships she governs, and their marriage for which he holds himself responsible; she makes him appear very successful.

It takes that kind of wife for husband to transmute lovable thoughts into deep heartfelt emotions. With little apparent effort over the passing years, she seals his life in a complimentary cocoon spun with love, aka respect and gratitude. Only a very good woman can earn the pleasure of seeing her man so pleased with her that he acknowledges proudly that he is the product of her doing. (Or perhaps undoing if he was in need of some kind of makeover and drinking comes to mind.)

Now that, ladies, is what it takes to energize the deepest part of a man’s heart. She should be too modest to ever claim it, but he is eager to give her all the credit for who he has become. Wife has significantly helped upgrade his self-respect to the extent that he brags in public about the credit due her.

No man is luckier, no woman is pluckier. All she did was maximize what God gave her: determination to be compatible, courage to live by her heart, fortitude to get her way, pluck to preserve her mystery and modesty, expertise to manage relationships to work for her benefit, and flexible ability to keep him satisfied with who and what he is and has become.

It became her one-woman show, and she got both her way and reward late in life. She accepts her grandchildren in lieu of curtain call.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, old school, sex differences, The mind

2738. Back to Basics for Back to Basics — Part D

Your Highness Back to Basics,

I’m grateful you stimulated so many hours of work that generated new material. Also, your other comments reflect womanly superbness. Generating deep mutual respect is one of the finer ways that women share their love. The world needs more like you (remind hubby, etc.). Thanks for making this series memorable for me, although perhaps less so for women; especially what follows below.

Nevertheless, I’m anti-boredom bound to finalize my response to your original comment at 2728.

Your intriguing statements include this bolded sentence. “And believing your man thought other females marvelous attractions… while he enjoyed you mostly for your personality….”

Part C at 2737 addressed “marvelous attractions.” The personality issue follows and the context rings this bell. A woman expects to be appreciated for her attractiveness at home and not just for her personality. It’s a natural female sensitivity and expectation, but the dilemma is caused by a natural characteristic embedded in her man’s primary sex drive to conquer attractive women.

Remember: 1) The following is based on how people are born rather than how they live based on both nature and lessons learned in life. 2) Recovery is everything. The more the one attempting recovery moves toward how they are born, the better things work out.

The attractive-personality dilemma emerges out of conquest, which releases the urgency that men possess before first sex together. Her attractiveness becomes less noticeable and his urge immediately shifts on penetration to his secondary drive for frequent and convenient sex. It’s how men are naturally motivated to deal with first sex together.

Her sex appeal diminishes in any conqueror’s eyes. Not her fault, when men are born that way. After yielding first time, sex and attractiveness no longer preoccupy his mind with the same intensity and dedication as before. He undergoes several other changes too, but that’s another story.

Feminine attractiveness attracts a man mostly for sex, but sex does not bond men as it does women. So, the conquered woman will be disappointed who expects sex or her attractiveness to keep a man at her side. After conquest or marriage, beauty is more a bonus than a keeper.

For example, a reader, Some Other Guy, exemplifies the male nature this way. “I married a woman that was #120. I will always subconsciously be comparing her to the #120. This is my anchor point. I would be lying if I said gaining a lot of weight was unimportant. At some point it becomes a deal breaker.”

You ladies may not care to do it. But look back and review your experience with those men to whom you yielded first time sex together. Did he pay as much close and complimentary attention to your beauty and body after conquest as before? Did you notice other changes in him, unless you were a keeper and he was devoted to you?

Attractive but unconquered women are unique. Men sense unconquered as attractive lure, the finest bait. Females can’t change the primal urge, but they can discourage conquest. As in old school, ladies can make conquest culturally improper, mothers can civilize boys against it, teen girls can tame conquering techniques, and each woman can inspire her man to refrain from fulfilling his urges.

Men follow when women lead with relationship expertise that overwhelms the male urge to dominate excessively, pursue someone else, or both. A woman keeps her future brighter, when she lets him rule the roost, while she rules the rooster. (Recall the neck-to-head analogy in My Big Fat Greek Wedding?) It’s the province of women to quiet the male urge for someone else, but the road paved with blame and accusation goes to Incompatibility.

The road to Compatibility, however, is paved with this. He’s satisfied with who she is, what she does, and living with her. All of which confirm his satisfaction that he married well, which confirms the rightness of satisfying himself by marrying her. Life with her is better than it would be living by himself or someone else, or so he’s satisfied.

That is inborn male-think, for which women are quick to blame, because they lack understanding that men inherit that attitude as birthright. A man’s primary mission in life is to keep himself satisfied with himself; even the best of mates comes in second to it.

When a man keeps a woman for his own, he highly values her virtues, although he expects her to maintain what beauty she had as a bride. Aging is expected and acceptable. It’s difficult to keep himself satisfied, if his bride appears as someone he probably would not have married.

A woman who think she loses her attractiveness some way or other should be glad her man pays attention to personality. It and her loyalty may be all she has left of her likeability, two of the most vital ingredients in a man’s love.


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2736. Back to Basics for Back to Basics — Part B

Your Highness Back to Basics,

I continue my response to your comment at 2728. Your intriguing statements include this bolded sentence.

“I believe most women would rather be thought attractive and not hold a man, than being able to hold a man but not noticed for attractiveness.”

I can accept that many women believe as you say. However, such thoughts are contrary to the female heart and nature. Women are born into the superior gender, endowed with ability to get their way with men, and also to be compatible with a mate. As born, each inherits the following lifelong motivations in her heart:

She has: need for a brighter future; drive to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones; want of someone strong to help with tough times in life; fear of abandonment; ability to yield in the present to get her way in the future; sex drive aimed at usefulness, intimacy, and procreation more than compatibility or pleasure; expertise to manage relationships; and belief that she’s pretty. Men differ on all counts.

Those motivational strengths make her a woman to be reckoned with, when used as genetics and hormones energize her to govern a relationship and guide a man through a life together. If it’s not a gal’s mission, she gets a poor start.

Note this: Her prettiness supports it, but her motivation to be attractive springs out of the primal urge to get her way. Being attractive attracts men and enables single women to fill the buyer role, make her own choice, get her own way. Remaining attractive through aging enables wives to fill the seller role and keep husband satisfied as the buyer of old and new marital obligations that she may develop to brighten her future.

Self-centered, smiling, and charming use of female strengths—such as mystery, modesty, patience, indirectness, loyalty, feminine charm, and cooperative spirit—make a woman likeable to men. Her success en route to happiness is sourced, promoted, and advanced much more by those and other unique strengths than either physical attractiveness or what women think of men. Likeability as permanent partner trumps attractiveness as sex object.

In the end, women are able to find and keep a man satisfied with himself, which is what it takes to keep a man as mate. Attractiveness plays a major role attracting  a good enough man, but it has to merge with her other virtues to keep him.

More follows tomorrow.


Filed under boobs, courtship, feminine, How she wins, marriage, sex differences