- Pre-conquest a gal tells a guy I love you or even acts like she’s hot for him. It has two effects foreign to woman-think. She will be easier to conquer, and it’s an unearned gift, which men don’t appreciate. In effect, before he earns her according to her standards and expectations, admitting her love of him works against her interest. Actually, even his knowing he has a chance with her works to his advantage.
- Men tend to figure out women by her actions rather believing her words. Women pay more attention to words and tend to rely on them. She likes to spread her love directly, up close and personal. Men don’t appreciate her love that way; they prefer to see it more indirectly. He isn’t excited about her words but mostly her actions that he figures satisfies him.
- The most primal need of men is for a place to flop, eat, throw their things, do some R&R, and prepare to fight their dragons tomorrow. The woman who satisfies that need, her love is genuine and believable.
- A woman’s love spread indirectly registers with all men. For example, in public—but not during guy time—a woman in love stays close as if attached to her man, holds his arm or hand, and listens closely to what he’s saying. Other men see her doing that. They envy him and his respect grows among his competitors. Peers wish they had a woman like her; one who showed such respect for them. Given time and opportunity, however, they may also try to take her away from him.
- What love is to women, respect is to men. However, not exactly. Women give their love freely and openly. Men give respect to those who earn it and earned more indirectly than directly.
- A man enters marriage with several convictions. He doesn’t intend to fail. He will continue to keep himself satisfied with who he is, what he does, and with his marriage as a whole. IOW, he enters the marital home expecting to remain pretty close to the same guy as before. He will adjust as necessary to enable wife to govern the home and relationships within it. IOW, he expects her to run everything except those things for which he’s responsible; e.g., his car, job, and whatever else he chooses, perhaps yardwork etc.
- The most obvious form of a man’s love is his devotion to her, to repeatedly pleasing her for the purpose of pleasing them both. If she finds herself in that condition, she should upgrade his worth to her.
Category Archives: marriage
- A man’s love of a woman begins with his pleasing her while she remains relatively quiet about who she is and what she does. She focuses on listening and encourages him to talk about himself, which begins to earn his respect. Thus, she puts him in the seller role. She makes him work to figure out what she can mean to him. He has to earn her by investing and selling himself while she fills role of buyer. Of course, it takes a lot of time, patience, and self-respect for her, but it’s the kind of behavior that starts a man’s love to develop and grow.
- A husband’s present life depends on many things other than his wife’s love. His interests are bundled together such that wife never views them completely until they’ve been married for decades. Even then, she’s probably detected them more indirectly than directly. His interests are those things that make him satisfied with who he is, what he does, and who he does it with. After marriage, the main ingredients are his satisfaction with her, what she does, and living with her.
- If she loves him without his need of it, he can use it to facilitate conquest. If she yields sex early, he can dump her. He doesn’t bond with sex, and if it takes a while to conquer, he figures out before she yields just how she will end up afterward: keeper, booty, or dumpee depending on how much of himself he invests in her and how satisfying will be his continuing effort to associate with her.
- A man seeks to marry a virtuous woman, and a woman’s virtues are whatever qualities she has that earn a man’s admiration. He has little interest in what others call her virtues, unless everybody calls her beautiful. Figuring that it will take time, he delivers a concentrated effort aimed at capturing her for himself. As he uncovers new virtues, he gives up chasing sex with her and determines that she’s more valuable to him than sex with her. It may take awhile, but he likely proposes when he’s convinced living with her will be more satisfying that how he now lives.
- By chasing a man, she fails to earn his respect, which is the essential and primary foundation of a man’s love. She’s interested in sharing her love, finds a man, and showers him with all the love she has. She’s surprised to find that he’s turned off; he was the pursuer but her love isn’t attractive or appealing with her in chase mode. So, he conquers and dumps her, or so he quickly plans.
- Men are notorious for proclaiming their love to facilitate conquest. Women are burdened to discriminate between a man’s words and actions, because he wants to keep his intentions to himself. She’s the last to know of his thinking about their future together—whether she’s a keeper, booty, or disposable—and she discovers it only if she yields. Neither complimentary nor in her interest to find out so late, it’s the male nature in action.
- Before conquest, a man’s conscience can’t be counted on to protect a woman’s interest. Only his actions reveal his true interest in protecting hers.
- Men are hunter conquerors, unconquered women their prey. Two conquerors face off. He for sex without obligation; it’s instinctive from birth. She for obligation without yielding sexually; it’s intuitive from how she’s raised. The first to conquer wins dominion over their future life together. If he marries without conquest, his respect for her is so high that he has no trouble allowing her dominion over home life and relationship. He can be satisfied living with her.
- A man pursues an unconquered woman in whom he invests much of his time, effort, and money but fails to bed her. She just won’t yield except on her terms. Men don’t often abandon good investments. She treats him as her leader and he expects his woman to love him. Her displays of love confirm his role as leader but she still competes to delay conquest. He looks for weaknesses that will produce conquest, but he keeps uncovering qualities that he can admire, her virtues. His present life grows more promising by her virtues. If she continues to refuse to yield, he figures it will take more effort, and so he tries harder. He aims more deliberately at capturing her for himself, and he continues to fail at conquest. Eventually he gives up chasing sex with her and determines that she’s more valuable to him than sex with her. It takes a while, but he proposes after he becomes convinced that he can be more satisfied with himself living with her rather than how he currently lives.
- She will lose her man with fault-finding and blame. Couples don’t breakup from the big emotional connections, such as weakening of love, respect, and suitability. They break up from lack of continuing mutual likeability and his satisfaction with himself. Adjustments are usually easier than separation. Couples break up primarily because of the accumulation of little irritants, annoyances, criticisms, expressions of anger, complaints stirred by frustration, emotional outbursts, blame, lack of forgetfulness about misbehavior, physical attractiveness made slovenly by insufficient personal care, and other negatives. All of which accumulates in the male mind as contrary to her words of love, on which she relies to uplift their relationship. IOW, her frequent negative actions outweigh her wordy alibis and loving affection, attention, and appreciation, which comes occasionally among the daily tirade of negative conclusions about her man.
- We are born to be good folks, and it’s the lessons learned after birth that lead us astray. Women are born to be good, and so they more likely do good to confirm it. Men are not; they are born able to do good but with no incentive until provided by females or a woman.
- After their first sex together, she quits earning his respect except by subsequent achievements that he admires. He discontinues hearing what she says, she has to develop a new game for dealing with him because he decided before conquest that she’s either—surprise for her—keeper, booty, or disposable. He by nature and conquest is freed up to conquer someone else.
- A man’s primal need is for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, do R&R, and prepare to fight tomorrow’s dragons. With that, he can cover all his other bases. A woman’s primal drive is to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. As a couple, they match fairly well with common ground and potential to work things out compatibly.
- Both sexes are born to find ways to feel good about themselves. The self-love trait within women makes it easier for them. They shower love onto someone else, and they feel good for doing it. It can take so little effort. A selfish trigger in girls teaches them early in life that selfishness is not necessary. Just love someone else and it makes them feel good about themselves and the selfish urge withers away early in life. It’s different for men.
- Men are born to satisfy themselves in what they achieve; they feel good if satisfied with themselves. If trained with chores in childhood, they plan to do something: mow the lawn, have someone earn their respect, go to work, read the paper, or help wife with dishes or kids. They do it and are satisfied with self and usually feel good, but they pay little attention to the feel good or happy part. Satisfaction is usually sufficient for they are not routine in expressing good feelings, except when super-achievement qualifies for celebration.
- The male nature reacts harshly to blame from females. Blaming men relieves much female guilt. However, the blame is irretrievable, and—determined not to lose—most blamed men seem virtually irreconcilable on whatever the issue that earned blame.
- The more admirable as attractive woman, the more likely she gets a better man. The more responsible as masculine man, the more likely he gets a better wife. Add love and it’s still not enough. Add mutual respect and likeability, then compatibility blossoms and togetherness brightens.
Another cultural debasement of females slips in under the awareness of Americans. It’s intended to slyly convince more people that sex for pleasure is the primary sex drive in humans. IOW, bring the excesses developed in porn houses into the home, and even women will learn to like it.
In no way do I seek to belittle the pleasure in sex. I condemn the motivational force that sponsors and encourages people seeking sex for pleasure. It’s not the pleasure that damages relationships, it’s the pursuit that betrays the goodness in human character—of which women should have the greater concern about avoidance.
I dispute it. I seek to convince women that it’s egregiously bad news for their gender, female life, and especially to capture and keep a man permanently and fulfill the hopes and dreams inherent in the female nature, to which it’s contrary.
My objection is primarily based on this principle of human life. Sex for pleasure always demands more the next time; what do you think makes porn expand into ever increasing and ever enlarging versions of tools and new orifices to attack? How does anal fisting appeal to females without it being a follow on to whatever went before?
Hooked on pleasure, one can’t get enough and expects more the next time. New tools, new ways, new refreshments, extra sensations, or new sources to exceed what went before. Men lead and drive the bus, but dumb women provide the fuel. Men get what they want, and women don’t realize how their lives are being changed from what they want as they miss the more important things in life. When relationships are dominated by sex for pleasure, the woman can’t achieve what she expects of life.
Actually, the sexes are designed against sex for pleasure. If it were part of our design, our most primal motivational forces would not be so obvious in our behavior. IOW, sex for pleasure, as you will see, is the aberration and not the standard. At birth both sexes inherit other motivational forces that govern their sex lives.
Both sexes are born to get their way associating with others. Women are born to recognize very early in life they have a valuable birthright that men will honor when each woman respects herself deliberately, sufficiently, and defensively against first penile penetration. That birthright difference enables women to get their way with men who are stronger, dominant, and intent on conquest and quick departure. Discretion to participate sexually belongs to each woman, and she’s adequately prepared from early girlhood to capitalize on her own success.
Her side of the “when to yield” puzzle looks like this. Five natural motivational forces energize sex in the woman’s world:
- Born with a physiological urge to nurture, it triggers the urge to procreate.
- She has a psychological need to assuage the wants of herself or the needs of someone else, either of which can stimulate her to copulate.
- Possessing the primal need of self-importance, free will, and urge to get her way, it ignites ambitions to outdo and outshine other women as a candidate for mating. She empowers herself by negotiating sex such that she earns her own uniqueness and the respect of men or man; each man’s respect being essential for his love to arise.
- She comprehends the worth of sexually yielding to each man, especially the uniqueness and value of their first sexual encounter together. (When she finally yields to one man, he paid whatever price she demanded. He easily convinces himself that he ‘owns’ her, expects not to compete anymore with her, and that she will cooperate with him and his ambitions. It’s the male nature in action.)
- She needs intimacy, and it is a prime motivator for yielding sex. (Her nature craves intimacy; she can almost never get enough from her man. Especially when her spirits are down, which can be quite often. Intimate touching, fondling, caressing, and sweet words that enhance body closeness fuel a woman’s willingness or desire, which makes it easier to continue deeper into the process to please herself, her partner, or even make an unanticipated mistake.)
The wisdom inherent in the feminine nature empowers women to utilize sex for bonding, generating compatibility, and competing with other women. (Neither promiscuity nor orgasmic pleasure is natural to the female gender. Both arise from lessons learned in life about the urge to feel better or important about oneself, however momentary that may be.)
Those natural urges enable women to think they understand the male sex drive. Not so.
Primal motivational urges energize four versions of the male sex drive. These bring proactive sex into a man’s world:
- His interest in sex brings females onto the playing field. Without the urge to conquer, women can be ignored.
- He has a deep-rooted, unchangeable, and physiological urge to copulate with every female he finds attractive and maybe some beyond attractive. (Women witness but can’t comprehend the meaning behind this phenomenal and most primal expression of male sex drive.)
- He has an instinctive competitive urge to outdo and outshine other men. In response, he seeks to conquer women that other men can’t, enable bragging rights by doing so, and add boaster’s value to virginity.
- He possesses a steadfast ambition for frequent and convenient access to sex, and he’s willing to pay a high price for it, if and when the right woman coaxes, coaches, and loves him into paying her price.
- He has an instinctive craving to do something pleasurable with each erection, and instinct pushes him toward penile penetration of a vagina. (Penetration completes his conquest, goal achieved. Beyond first penetration, however, he’s just another sexual performer—good, poor, wasteful, selfish, indifferent.)
Orgasm is not a prime motivator of men. Pleasurable and rewarding, yes, but not a driving force until it’s about to arrive momentarily and as expected.
Those primal sex urges combine to make men compete with other males for females and compete with females for conquest—but for little else afterward. After conquest, he’s beat out other men, he paid her price, and he expects cooperation from the woman he ‘owns’. He refuses to compete further with her. Men reliably find a way out or avoid competing with a conquered woman. Even if she’s a keeper and they marry, if he has to compete with her, she loses much of her likeability.
Why? Conquest changes their relationship dramatically. He used his persuasive interest achieving conquest, in ‘buying her’. IOW, he paid whatever price she demanded. Job’s done; she’s his. Afterward she belongs to him, and he expects cooperation. He’s now free to pursue others. He may lose significant arguments to her. So why take the risk of her winning and his losing the upper hand won with conquest? Men are not dumb; they only seem to be that way because women don’t understand how men are born to be different.
Even though born to be compatible as mates, the sexes differ greatly on matters of purpose, love, and sex. Society and life in it are as peaceful and satisfying as both sexes live according to their nature, the way they are born. Things start to fall apart, when the sexes begin for whatever reason to act like the opposite sex and thus betray their respective nature.
In which case, women lose dominance of cultural values, standards, and expectations. Men run society according to male dominated and female-unfriendly values, standards, and expectations. Neither sex appreciates or respects the other very much, blame spurs anger, and children self-develop to tunes played on the quarrelsome tongues of disrespectful parents, teachers, and adults.
Those primal sex urges combine to make males compete with males for females and compete with females for conquest but for little else afterward. Sex for pleasure as a motivational force curtails and probably ends the female friendliness of sexual relations according to their respective natures.
All that you read here is based on the very different characteristics that women and men receive at birth. God designs, Nature endows, and hormones motivate women and men very differently. By comparing differences, we can discover how they interface socially and domestically, successfully and unsuccessfully, compatibly and incompatibly.
The blog is all about that, but today I want to bore down to the very foundation upon which couples find success or not.
Feminists claim the only true gender differences are the reproductive systems. They claim everything else is socialized into both sexes. I disagree with significant fervor and evidence. Feminists disregard differences for political purposes.
I favor the legal, political, and economic advancements of women. I criticize the social and domestic side-effects of Feminism as the major cause of relationship uncertainty, instability, and misery. Feminist values have no promotional or holding power in a relationship, in fact, quite the opposite.
Her Primal Need. A woman instinctively needs a brighter future for her and her children. Unless very immature, she seeks security of life, dependable relationships, and family cohesiveness. She seeks family, economic, and social stability. She seeks safety of health, life, and family. To fulfill such overlapping and intermingled needs, she has two options: give of herself to a helpmate, or do it alone, perhaps desperate, and usually lonesome sooner or later. She is made to care for others, and the absence of finding someone can be sufficient to prevent her finding happiness.
His Primal Need. Men have one overwhelming need that makes everything else minor, regardless of how they seem to act even to the contrary. A man absolutely needs only a place to flop, eat, throw his things, hopefully do a little R&R, and prepare for his ’battles’ tomorrow. A hut will do, but if a woman provides such a place for him, he judges her nesting and castle building by how it supports his work, outside competitive interests, and NOT how she claims to love him.
Her Primal Drive. Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. Their instinctive drive bonds society together into family units. What men hear and learn inside the home shape their thinking for how to compete as they make the outside world more family friendly and thus civilized.
His Primal Drive. Men are driven to compete against Nature when it obstructs their progress, compete with other men, and shape and control human events.
Both sexes were put on earth to live as couples. However, both have to find compatibility, and women have the relationship expertise to promote it. The naturalness of it follows.
Her drive to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones matches well with his need for a place to flop and prepare for tomorrow’s battles. It’s a fair swap.
Her need for a brighter future matches easily with his drive to win his way outside the home. He can do for her what she can’t do for herself. It’s a fair swap. As the natural consequence of their relationship expertise, wives shape husbands’ thinking inside the home such that husbands learn to make the outside world more family friendly and civilized for both sexes.
The sexes are designed that way to find the compatibility needed to live successfully as couples.
Natural Law: Other than for sex, a man only pays extra attention and ardent pursuit to a woman who respects herself so much she will not uncross her legs first time for him, until, that is, she gets all of her requirements met and him obligated deeply to her.