Category Archives: marriage

2736. Back to Basics for Back to Basics — Part B


Your Highness Back to Basics,

I continue my response to your comment at 2728. Your intriguing statements include this bolded sentence.

“I believe most women would rather be thought attractive and not hold a man, than being able to hold a man but not noticed for attractiveness.”

I can accept that many women believe as you say. However, such thoughts are contrary to the female heart and nature. Women are born into the superior gender, endowed with ability to get their way with men, and also to be compatible with a mate. As born, each inherits the following lifelong motivations in her heart:

She has: need for a brighter future; drive to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones; want of someone strong to help with tough times in life; fear of abandonment; ability to yield in the present to get her way in the future; sex drive aimed at usefulness, intimacy, and procreation more than compatibility or pleasure; expertise to manage relationships; and belief that she’s pretty. Men differ on all counts.

Those motivational strengths make her a woman to be reckoned with, when used as genetics and hormones energize her to govern a relationship and guide a man through a life together. If it’s not a gal’s mission, she gets a poor start.

Note this: Her prettiness supports it, but her motivation to be attractive springs out of the primal urge to get her way. Being attractive attracts men and enables single women to fill the buyer role, make her own choice, get her own way. Remaining attractive through aging enables wives to fill the seller role and keep husband satisfied as the buyer of old and new marital obligations that she may develop to brighten her future.

Self-centered, smiling, and charming use of female strengths—such as mystery, modesty, patience, indirectness, loyalty, feminine charm, and cooperative spirit—make a woman likeable to men. Her success en route to happiness is sourced, promoted, and advanced much more by those and other unique strengths than either physical attractiveness or what women think of men. Likeability as permanent partner trumps attractiveness as sex object.

In the end, women are able to find and keep a man satisfied with himself, which is what it takes to keep a man as mate. Attractiveness plays a major role attracting  a good enough man, but it has to merge with her other virtues to keep him.

More follows tomorrow.

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2735. Back to Basics for Back to Basics — Part A


Attention, ladies. This begins a two or three part response to the comment of Her Highness Back to Basics. I am grateful she inquired in ways seldom seen on the blog. Her unique questioning deserves consideration at deeper levels.

——

Your Highness Back to Basics,

Welcome aboard. I love it when pretty women join us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.

Your comment at post 2728 cites your confusion over my statement that: “A younger female shape and appearance are marvelous attractions, but they don’t hold a man.” Trying to ease your confusion, I tackle the rest of your comment.

You claim I provide “A lot of arguments for not trying to appear younger even though it is prettier….” It’s true. All females are born pretty and know it in their hearts as long as they live.

In defining terms, one can say that younger is prettier but aging takes a toll. Among couples trying to find accord and reach compatibility, acting younger brings immaturity. Pretty trumps younger except when sex is the subject.

Pretty is stable in each gal’s heart and reflects in her attitude. Trying to appear younger than one’s age is very different. Not originating in the heart, seeking to appear younger has a shadow of falsity about it. Single men see it as desperation, which discourages association except for sex.

Once in the habit of trying to appear younger than her age, a woman continually tries harder with ever declining success. She is seldom completely satisfied with her appearance and comfortable with herself except for a few hours at a time. In surprise situations, she wishes she looked better; discomfort follows. Frustrations easily set in and dampen her attitude about life, which does little to satisfy her man.

Manly adoration comes from what’s inside and not outside of a woman. In the eyes of mature men living with a highly appreciated woman, her attractiveness is not a function of younger. It is a function of seeing what’s in her heart, her prettiness for which he has nothing comparable. Women are process experts. In the process of trying to keep a man, attractiveness fabricated around her prettiness regardless of age is superior to attractiveness built on false youthfulness.

You claim “…there is no feminine woman on earth who doesn’t care about how much her man is attracted to her.” While I agree as worded, it’s a sad omen.

Feeling that way invites a woman to blame her man for not paying enough attention to her. But blame and female complaints do not change a man. (Men do not change to get what they want with a woman but will change to keep what they have.)

Women who truly care “how much her man is attracted to her” also try hard to be more attractive to him. It’s the natural way of self-respecting, self-loving, and cooperative women. Their nature urges them to look pretty to show their love of self, which enables them to share by reflecting love onto others.

The more she cares, the more she acts on it. She first owes it to herself. Thus, how much he’s attracted to her depends on how thoroughly she exploits her unique feminine attractiveness to please herself.

In the end, a woman’s attractiveness is critical for attracting a man, especially for sex, but not critical for keeping him. Worse, expecting otherwise distracts a woman from harmonizing her relationship with a man to help brighten her future and improve her path to happiness. It may also mislead her in other matters.

More follows tomorrow.

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2734. Life Made Simpler for Women — 11


  1. The more attractive a man’s wife befitting her age, the more admirable he is among men, his competitors. But if she’s a young trophy, she’s more admired as sex target, which invites cuckolding.
  2. Beauty and sex are connected; beauty and discussion are not. Sexiness enhances beauty. Demanding that your man meet your expectations suppresses your sexiness, which reduces the merit of your beauty. Less merit weakens your likeability, which translates into less keepable. So, demands don’t work too well to keep a man.
  3. A woman should avoid the habit of complaining. Her man either hears that he should fix it or, if he can’t, then she had no need to mention it to him. From the get go, complaining weakens her likeability. She has the ability to avoid complaint and still get her way but it requires patience of which plenty is inborn.
  4. A woman should not explain herself to justify her actions, or seek to impress a guy by disclosing who and what she is in life and can be to him. She’s much more respected by bachelor or husband—and heard later—when she listens rather than the other way around.
  5. When women can’t shut up talking about themselves, men lose interest in them except for beauty, sex, and conquest. When they can’t shut up about trivial matters, men learn to disregard it. Many husbands learn that she’s too good to let her chatter matter.
  6. Young women should learn this. Listen long, hard, and well to a man brag and describe his accomplishments and what he can do for you. It’s the quickest way to win his respect, which is the foundation for his love.
  7. A man’s love arises in phases: attractiveness, respect, devotion, her likeability and loyalty, and his likeability and loyalty. True love emerges with his decision that he can be more satisfied living with her than how he’s currently living. His proposal often follows.

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2732. Life Made Simpler for Women — 10


  1. Trying to look younger for the sake of appearing younger baits the hook for sex but not marriage. A man’s true love doesn’t arise from the ashes of sexual relations, regardless of how passionate or great. Sex as keeper influence expires either with conquest or soon after romantic love fades in a year or two.
  2. Seeking self-admiration for superb accomplishment, many men SEEK to marry a significantly younger doll. He ‘raises’ her like he wants her. He fathers her into obedience and compounds his dominance. She serves herself up on the silver platter of his ego. He shows her off to enhance his reputation. He smothers her charisma embodied in the superior gender. His castle-building demands stifle her nesting. He keeps golfing with his buddies and leaves her behind; she makes an attractive mantle piece for the home when he’s with his buds. She’s available to nurse him late in life.
  3. Some women SEEK to marry much older men. They expect odds for a comfortable life to be better by letting someone else more closely guide their lives. A father-figure, perhaps, may be sought. Nothing wrong with their motivation; it’s who they have to live with. Many men are not qualified to provide what such women seek. RED FLAG: If Mr. Good Enough treats her like a daughter in dating and courtship or can’t turn loose of his buds, then item 2 above may describe him.
  4. Focusing on herself to appear younger than she is diverts attention from understanding the male nature, accurately screening for masculine goodness, and attracting and marrying the man good enough to make a good husband. If she doesn’t study the strategic objective, she may not win the battle of the sexes.
  5. What is she really after? Trying to look younger than she is generates subliminal doubt about her sincerity, honesty, and discernment—less than the markings of a good woman for satisfying a husband or raising kids.
  6. Women should exploit this natural phenomenon about men. She can’t make herself younger, she only has to make herself more attractive to men her own age, which later keeps her comfortable and not worrying about aging. It’s in the mind before it enters the heart; women fear aging because everyone else seems to. Avoidance comes from the practice and satisfaction that follows making one can appear her most attractive for every age.
  7. She only has to focus on being her most attractive self to please herself. She can then 1) expect more men or her husband to see her beauty, 2) do nothing to help them so she won’t blame them for anything, and 3) act like an attractive woman as she and he ride her train into their later years.

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2731 —Life Made Simpler for Women — 09


  1. Beauty and sex go together, each man perceives and values the combination. As attractions they are great, but both play minor roles in holding a mate. OTOH, his perceived worth of other virtues attract and hold him as husband.
  2. A woman’s quality that a man admires is a virtue. Hard-to-get is special, extremely admirable, and highly virtuous. However, his admiration of her defense against invasion of her body ends with conquest. His subsequent expectation to own and dominate their sexual agenda stimulates desire but earns no admiration. After all, he paid her price for it and their life as couple differs from what went before.
  3. Except for her other feminine qualities, a hunter-conqueror has no admiration for a woman found, conquered, and subject to his domination. Hence, marital sex is not an admired virtue. Deep in his inborn hunter-conqueror psyche he thinks he owns it, which shifts his admiration from her to self-admiration of his ability.
  4. Women moan about the thought of aging, as if their happiness depends on delaying it. It doesn’t. There’s only momentary gratitude, if that, to be found in trying to slow the inevitable course of time.
  5. Women know how to hide wrinkles and all that, which is okay but not nearly enough. They still worry endlessly about their appearance today and tomorrow and inherit whatever bothersome, worrisome, and sometimes frustrating ride of life develops from it.
  6. A woman fixated on appearing younger than she is weakens the admiration of men for her self-respect. Frustration brought on by not achieving what she hopes just makes it worse.
  7. Aging is normal and natural, so women over thirty work to hide it for the sake of looking younger. By end of day, however, their work is no longer hidden. Same thing next day, good grooming followed soon by need to update. It’s an endless battle to improve on what the mirror reflects.

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2730. Life Made Simpler for Women — 08


  1. Women imagine that by looking younger than their age, they can become more maritally attractive and sexually meaningful. Not so, except in the eyes of immature men who linger mentally in adolescence, adultolescents. To the mature man, she younger than he is more bonus than essential.
  2. A man who has little or no respect for the female gender also lacks a healthy dose of self-respect. Hoping to earn more self-respect, he tends to commit this ‘crime against wife’. He seeks to impose near-complete control over decisions, wife, and life together. He ignores the biblical imperative about how to love his wife but uses it to demand her submission.
  3. Little or no respect for women in a man generally means the same for individual females. Control minimizes his listening to her, disrespects her opinions, reduces her influence, and demeans her role as mate. In effect, such men disallow their wives to nest, much less build his castle. He confirms his control and earns self-respect by blaming her for her inadequacies and his dissatisfactions. His view is paramount; hers is seldom acceptable.
  4. When women dress as girls, or try to copy girlish appearance or sexual manner, they reveal their teenage mindset. It attracts men with the same mentality, as in adultolescents.
  5. Men know that beauty ages with the body. A mature man can be easily satisfied if his wife keeps herself attractive enough overall in spite of the disappointments of aging. Moreover, beauty becomes much less important as the years pass and other factors satisfy him much more easily with their life together.
  6. After marriage, her likeability is far more important than her beauty. It’s not how young she looks. It’s how well she keeps him satisfied that she matures in parallel with her beauty and keeps him reminded and satisfied to be the gal he married.
  7. A wife purposely appearing younger than her age suggests sexual fantasy that appears to seek the attention of someone other than husband. It can throw doubt on her expected loyalty, which is a major ingredient in a husband’s love.

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2729. —Life Made Simpler for Women — 07


  1. The new picture hanging for a week in your home fades from interest and you now pass it unseen. Beauty works the same way within the hunter-conqueror. He pays a beautiful woman’s ‘price to own her’ and can then be proud and appreciate her at his convenience.
  2. Once conquered, a woman’s beauty is more foundation for her likeability, more a qualifier than kingpin for a man’s love.
  3. Her physical beauty magnetizes him to date her. Her refusal to have sex magnetizes him to pursue her beauty. Pursuit ends and new relationship begins with the first of these: conquest or marriage.
  4. After conquest and she’s either keeper or wife, beauty takes a back seat. Still appreciated but no longer the superb magnetic attraction as before.
  5. To her conqueror, other factors overtake beauty in importance. Beauty isn’t weakened but wrapped together with her supreme interest in him, how she listens, what she says, what she does that satisfies him, and her behaviors that makes him feel good in her presence. It all comes together as her likeability, a foundation stone for development of a man’s love.
  6. Women, those who seek to appear younger than they are for the sake of appearing younger, move themselves into the seller’s role. Ungood! Women who seek to appear more attractive at current age keep themselves in the role of buyer. Very good!
  7. Appearing younger than your age isn’t the path to marital success. Satisfying husband that you max out as attractive for your age is much stronger as bonding glue.

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