Category Archives: marriage

2551. Dominant vs. Governing Sex


My hubris continues. Having created a dominant sex in man, God (or Nature if it pleases you) needs a counterbalance. Without it women would be subject to the will and physicality of men at all times with no way out. So, I spotlight the highly significant difference that changes the advantage to women.

Compared to men, women are endowed with a special expertise in relationship matters. Each woman is blessed with unique talent, skill, and motivational energy to both compete sufficiently well with men before marriage and induce one of them to cooperate with her afterward.

By building and guiding relationships in which women are able to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver male dominance, success makes female the governing sex. Unique expertise enables a woman to convince a man to yield his independence on her behalf and spend the rest of his days with her at his side. That is no simple feat.

Women are born with that ability but modern women act contrary to their nature and, for many, are unable to capture and keep a man for any lengthy period.

Either instinctively from birth or intuitively from life, women know to keep their superior ability secret from men. Many females suspect it, many know it, but wise ones keep it to themselves.

Men dodge the possibility that female is the governing gender; they proceed with the firm conviction that dominance can win over whatever else women may bring to the relationship table. A man can have his way when he needs it, period. Wise women do not quibble but find ways to overcome or maneuver in spite of male physicality and outside of their dominance.

Note this connection. Dominant suggests action in the short-term to demonstrate the ability to rule or reign over the long haul; action perhaps even without thought. Governing ability suggests wisdom comes before action, that the long-term is more important than the short-term, which plays well to fulfill a woman’s primal need. That is, fulfill a brighter future than she faces at any given moment.

Taking the wiser approach enables women to work their governing talents and skills in background mode. At the same time, they can escape or wiggle out of dominant pressure they do not like.

She can get her way by using indirectness, seed planting, and patience to urge her competitive husband to be more cooperative. With her free will and wisdom combined, she has little trouble being submissive in order to ultimately get her way as relationship manager. Without developing her ability to use those options, she finds it difficult to generate harmony in the home.

Men want and take advantage of domestic harmony, but only women produce and sustain it.

——

Natural Law: Cleavage and exotic apparel focus a man’s thoughts on sex first and foremost. Modest turtle-neck, vanity-neat sweater, up tight and pointy breasts, thin- waist girly shape,  and even moo-moos force a man to think about her first, what he wants to see, and perhaps a silent message that he’s not qualified to see it. Her appearance purposely pushes sex into the background and gives her greater ability to control whatever relationship they develop.

2 Comments

Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2849. Man-think: “Do You Like Me?”


I’m fascinated about this subject, because I consider it so accurate. But I need feedback from readers to confirm or deny.

Ask a man who loves you if he likes you. I predict his response will be much more sincere than if he’s asked, Do you love me? He may respond something like this.

Sure, I like you, and he may even shift to using the key word out of eagerness to convince you.  I love (or like) your eyes and hair. I love (or like) your sexy appearance as you change for bed, I love (or like) how you handle the kids, etc. and on and on.

By asking if he likes you, he’s able to release his sincerity as if you doubted him, perhaps use your favorite word, and even be anxious to convince you that you’re valuable to him. But it’s not your whole self as person or wife. He spotlights the qualities he admires, which means they are virtues to him. The more virtues you accumulate, the stronger his loving attachment because men seek to marry a virtuous woman.

If you begin with questions about his ‘love’, his sincerity hides behind the façade of manly questioning about honesty. If you begin with the term ‘like’, his mind tells his heart it’s okay to expose how he feels. It’s the way the male nature works; if he can be precise and sincere, he can unload his feelings. If he’s expected to love as women love, he doubts himself and can’t be precise or sincere trying to please her with three little words.

Thus, women face this dilemma. Her ears want to hear ‘love’ about her as whole person or wife. However, he likes or admires specific qualities rather than ‘love’ her generally. He’s more accurate that way.

A well-loved woman learns to discriminate and convert his words and actions about her virtues and conclude how worthy she is from what he does. It doesn’t just pop up in her heart convincingly as it does when he claims the shortcut, “Yes, I love you.” But then, when he responds that way, he’s not totally sincere and doesn’t feel good about himself.

With that in mind, successful marriage depends more on how she uncovers his admiration and liking her than on three little words. She expects to hear the words, which she takes as super-meaningful. He wants to deliver his dedication to her in actions that produce, provide, protect, and problem solve on their mutual interest. She wants words but he delivers actions he expects her to interpret as his love of her.

That’s my conclusion about how the male and female nature interact naturally. But I need feedback from readers to confirm or deny. I ask readers to give it a test drive. See what happens if you ask ‘do you like me?’ Do you get a more exciting answer out of him?

5 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2848. Man-think about Her “Do You Love Me?”


The male nature—man-think—works like the following when confronted with a woman’s angst about her worthiness to her man.

Every day I figure out more clearly that when a woman asks a man if he loves her, she calls up little but confusion in his mind. Out of that confusion comes a lot of vibes that do not necessarily help a relationship.

She routinely asks, “Do you love me?” without realizing that men just don’t think about love and its meanings the same as women.

  • His mind prevents him from calling it love in his heart. As a man, he can’t do all the things that she does to care for and do in her loving of others. He’s nowhere near the caring person she is, and caring is what her love is all about. It’s not his nature, and so he’s caught in a whirl of confusion trying to deal with his favorite woman, when she asks that question so vital to her own well-being.
  • He wants to answer but he can’t find sincerity. Love as she knows it does not reside in his heart. He knows that, but also knows that she expects it to be there. He doesn’t want to lie, disappoint, or come up short in her eyes. So, he blurts out “of course” and guilt—from the dishonesty within himself—keeps him from going much further to convince her.
  • Trying to be honest, he spouts out whatever is needed to get him clear of the moment. However, sincerity is missing from his response. She senses being somewhat cheated, uncertainty sets in, and she begins to inquire more often. The more often she asks, the worse he feels from inability to be sincere to someone he admires, likes, and appreciates with all his heart.

Now, if she asked ‘do you like me’ she would get several different responses. Probably an excess of affirmatives and, perhaps, more frequent displays of attention, affection, and appreciation. Man-think works well and clearly—easily sincere and honest—when the question is whether someone or something is liked.

Months ago I concluded that love is never enough to hold a couple together as women are prone to believe. I began writing about mutual likeability being the paramount ingredient in a successful relationship. That which I posed above confirms my earlier decisions. Deal with men in likeability rather than love and a woman will find a more accurate path to where she stands with her man.

In short, her just asking a man if he loves her can weaken his dedication to her. How? It weakens his dedication to himself to be honest, which weakens his character, and which undercuts his ability to treat his woman with the highest regard he can muster at any given moment.

To help keep a man honest, sincere, and forthright, never ask him if he loves you. Ask him if he likes you, and—as a woman—you can find out the strength of his sincerity by his actions. In short, for a woman to find the love of a man, she must first be so likeable that he struggles just to be around her. Three little words may satisfy her ears, but his sincerity, honesty, and actions prove his dedication.

10 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Fickle female, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2846, Love is Never Enough — 13: A Mixture of What Works


I’m always making lists. I made the following as spillovers of female goodness and don’t know what to do except post it. Women can’t relate well enough to know how to use it, but each item makes a favorable impact on the male nature and keeping a husband.

  1. She doesn’t expect more from him than she extends herself. She’s the major giver, and he’s the major taker until he learns that he enjoys caring and pleasing her pleases him, and his behavior shifts toward her favor.
  2. Her almost perpetual smiling countenance suggests all is well with her so it must be okay with him. It also helps confirm the sincerity of her love.
  3. Her lack of complaining suggests all is well with him. His shortcomings are typically identified that way, or so he interprets her complaints (explained in footnote*).
  4. Her excitement about sex with him is far superior to his enjoyment of the frequent and convenient availability of it. As romantic love and his sex drive fade, reminders of her excitement adds much sincerity to her expressions of love.
  5. Her sense of charity keeps her from criticizing, yelling, or otherwise getting in his face to make her points.
  6. Her delightful attitude makes her man smile, because she’s energized by that spirit.
  7. Her faith in self and him as couple tends to weld them together.
  8. Her frequent evidence of trust of him energizes his greater respect of her.
  9. Her frequent but not smothering expressions of love seal her likeability to him.
  10. Her female goodness sets a shining example to all they contact.
  11. Her ability to manage their relationship satisfies him that he chose the right woman.
  12. Her affection for him, if not overdone, amplifies her likeability without boring him.
  13. Her chaste behavior promotes his belief that she’s mostly loyal and, therefore, faithful.
  14. Her faithfulness and trust inspires him to follow her example.
  15. Her gentleness invites him to seek comfort with her.
  16. Her habitual neatness displays attractive standards and inspires others to be more like her. Not necessarily the same neatness but copy her other qualities. By inspiring others to copy her, his admiration and respect for her grow.
  17. Her hope brightens their future together.
  18. Her joyful cheeriness inspires greater hope and suppresses many urges he may have to quit her for work or someone else.
  19. Her modest, mysterious, and feminine nature confirms that she’s unique from other women.
  20. Her modest display of her body and discouragement of flirting symbolizes fidelity to him.
  21. Her open endorsement of chastity and monogamous love confirms her loyalty as part of their role together.
  22. Her patience calms the waters of frustration for her and him.
  23. Her physical attractiveness keeps his eyes focused on her more than others.
  24. Her steadfastness of character as strong person prevents her complaining.
  25. Her strength of character earns his admiration.
  26. Her thoughtfulness displays her gratitude for others, especially him.
  27. Her trust in him promotes his belief in her.
  28. Her unselfishness spreads as a character quality that he admires.
  29. Her eagerness to listen to him reinforces his respect of her.
  30. Her personal selfishness is removed from their lives, as soon as he picks up on her indirect promotion of being generous as a couple.
  31. Her receptiveness to his ideas without finding fault confirms his worth to her. (If and when execution of a plan of his threatens failure, she must be absolutely certain before she competes to get her way. Even then it’s dangerous for them as a couple.)
  32. Her respect of him energizes greater trust of her.
  33. She becomes a better woman by living up to someone higher than herself—law, God, and her mate—in high hopes that she will become a better woman and, without her applying pressure, he will become a better man.
  34. She carries a happy spirit that spreads infectiously and uplifts his spirits.
  35. She confirms her strong sense of cooperation by submitting when its appropriate, and thus confirms his leadership role.
  36. She finds such gratefulness in herself that he likes himself for just being with her.
  37. She hints that his worth goes up in her eyes when he does good things for her and others.
  38. She keeps the body shape that he proposed to so that he doesn’t tire of changes in her appearance.
  39. She promotes her sexual attractiveness discretely but modestly and solely for his enjoyment.
  40. She tries extra hard to forget his faults that she more easily forgives.
  41. She finds a way to develop enduring love as romantic love fades away in a year or two.
  42. Finally, and most importantly, she keeps him satisfied with himself that he chose properly by teaming up with her. (When she does that, she earns the privilege of getting her way in many other matters such as managing home and relationship.)

Those female behaviors have beneficial effects on husbands and promote a couple’s staying together. If she can’t live that way, can’t form such habits, she at least needs enough of something other than her love that makes her man satisfied with himself living with her.

If he’s not a better man for involving himself with her, she’s not doing things to fortify their togetherness. In which case, she’s not the good woman that a satisfied husband brags about mostly behind her back or mostly late in life. If he can’t be proud of her as mate, he can’t be satisfied that she’s the right woman for him.

——

*Regarding explanation of item 3. In the back of husband’s mind is the conviction that he’s responsible for the marriage. But he turns operation of the home and relationship management over to wife. Now, if she complains, she must not be able to handle her affairs of heart and home, and so he’s left to be responsible. Her complaints land as guilt in his mind, and men don’t handle guilt very well. In fact, they mostly shun or forget it, and her complaints just make her look bad.

6 Comments

Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, marriage, The mind

2844. Love is Never Enough — 12: Men Love Differently


I apologize for prematurely defining and describing male love as if it exists in some form close to female love. It doesn’t, and the more we try to match male and female love as alike, the less we understand the male nature.

Outside of marriage, a man is willing to share some of who he is and what he does with a woman. We call it love but it confuses and prevents clarity when examining the male nature. His love is more a willingness to share parts of who he is as compared to the female’s ‘I’m all yours’. I eliminate the following two phony forms of manly love. After that, we will describe a man’s true love

  1. A man proclaims his love in order to bed gals of sexual interest. It may or may not be a sincere expression of his heart, but it isn’t true love.
  2. A man proclaims his love to keep close a gal of interest in his present life. He may or may not be sincere but likely expresses his mind; at least enough to serve his self-interest. Again, however, it isn’t masculine true love, which is a one-time event described below.

Just as women do with their heart, a man first loves internally but with both heart and mind. To introduce the meaning of what follows below, I summarize how husbands love a wife, and it comes out expressed in one or two ways.

1) Devoted to his woman more than himself. Men who love at first sight usually are like that. A few others learn the practice in early courtship by pleasing their woman so extensively they learn it makes them feel better than it pleases her.

2) Devoted to himself. With obligation to his woman as prime motivator, he’s devoted to satisfying himself that he’s capable of success in whatever he undertakes on their behalf. It’s the most common form of masculine love and so difficult for women to perceive and appreciate.

To more deeply understand the male nature, however, let’s eliminate the use of love from a man’s behavior. In truth, as it functions in him, it’s irrelevant. If you’re puzzled, answers follow, I hope.

Let’s presume that what wife gets in marriage is not love as she shares hers but something else. Something that, by comparison, exceeds and is more stable than female love. It’s backed up by a man’s heart and mind, by commitment rather than just playfulness, duty rather than just passion, responsibility rather than just partnering, determination not to fail rather than just take a risk, and, perhaps in some cases, devotion rather than just living as partners. In short, his love doesn’t appear as love but more as the willingness to include her within his life.

I can’t know this but to add clarity, it must work this way. I declare that a man’s true love exists only when he decides to propose; it’s the only time he puts everything together in his heart and mind and decides that he will commit himself to one woman for a life together. He determines that he will find more satisfaction living with her than satisfaction in the way he lives at the moment.

It’s an instantaneous conclusion built on months of self-analysis, consideration of who and what she can be to him, their mutual likeability, and his willingness to commit himself to living with someone else.

The intensity of female love has no male counterpart. Women infatuate easily, love romantically, and hotly justify and act out their love. Men do none of that, except in pursuit of passion.

Man commits himself based on what he knows about himself and his intentions and goals, mind and heart harmonized. He concludes that he will be better satisfied living with his potential fiancé as wife than living any longer by himself. And that’s the key; he decides he will be more satisfied with her than just by himself. His independent decision acknowledges his true love to himself and provides the emotional energy behind his proposal to marry.

Standing behind his proposal is his determination to offer up all of who he is and what he does on behalf of his new endeavor. He goes all in, leaves nothing on the table. His sense of responsibility says he won’t fail. He never undertakes new ventures with the expectation to not accomplish his objective. His determination says he will be trying hard not to fail. His character strengthens his interest. Her likeability and his loyalty reinforce his uplifting morale. He tackles it exactly the same way he takes on a new task to achieve; finish the job and do it well.

Without her even trying to win him over with special love efforts, once he decides she’s the one, then she gets him and all that comes with him. It’s much more than emotional connections; it’s his devoting heart and mind to prospective wife and children. His marriage takes first priority for keeping his life together, and she’s exactly the one he wants to manage successfully those things for which he lacks ability or interest.

And that, dear ladies, has led me to the conclusion that the main purpose of marriage is to energize a man’s true love more than lock him down legally.

Inside of marriage, however, a man commits to sharing himself totally with a wife—but it doesn’t always appear that way to her and that’s where women go astray or just wrong. She expects more than he seems to deliver. He’s more passive, because he’s satisfied that he committed himself to live with her without turning himself into a different man. As a man, he’s not too interested into initiating special attention and affection as women do.

She expects a husband to help fulfill her dreams; he expects to continue as before but in a different environment, that is, in their home. He anticipates no problems, or he would not have committed himself to living with her.

Love is never enough because men don’t add emotional connections to a relationship or marriage. They indirectly add their body and soul to the marriage more than to her. Oh, we call it love, because women insist on hearing it called that and expect to be shown attention, appreciation, and affection as women show it. But it’s a whole lot more than female love.

In how they view and exchange regard for each other, respect is to men what love is to women. In how they relate in marriage, responsibility and dedication to the marriage is to men what love is to women. We all understand the female side of marital relations, but you see the male side here for the first time in what should be seen as glory.

When a man marries, he doesn’t bring female style-love with him; he brings manly style ‘love’—himself in all the self-glory he can muster to pump up his willingness to satisfy himself for doing the right thing.

Wives lose husbands this way. He’s all into their marriage as he anticipated it, and into her as she was when he proposed. IOW, he expects little else, because he expects his proposal judgment to be infallible and no problems injecting his lifestyle into the new marital arrangement.

OTOH, she’s already busy figuring out how to change herself, marriage, and him to better fit her girlhood or fiancée hopes and dreams. She changes his future before he gets used to living with her in his new present-day arrangement. It’s not the road to success as couple.

In the end, a man’s love may lack affection but is loaded with dedication, may lack female expressions of love but is loaded with sense of responsibility, may lack interpersonal attention but is loaded with masculine desire to succeed in marriage. He may even ignore her and how well she manages their relationship in the sure certainty and knowledge that she enables him to succeed as husband.

Thus, the primary purpose of the marriage ceremony is to get the groom hardwired into exposing his true love. Her love isn’t enough; it takes his commitment of self and investment of his interest to engineer and accomplish success within their marriage.

——

NATURAL LAW: A woman’s love arises out of her self-love, plenty of which she was born with, and she spreads it liberally. A man’s respect arises out of his self-respect, plenty of which he was born with, but he insists that his respect be earned.

8 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, marriage, sex differences

2843. God’s Design—03: Female Goodness Civilizes the World


A man is born with one primary function to fulfill, and it rules his life on earth. He finds and keeps himself satisfied with who he is, what he does, and who he does it with. He is a loner intent on keeping himself satisfied with himself. It’s why a woman has such a tough time enlisting one man to help fulfill her girlhood and womanly hopes and dreams.

He’s not in and of himself a good person. He needs the teaching and guidance of mom, a mature upbringing, girls who teach him female goodness, and a good woman to keep him facing in the right direction, if he’s to be a good person according to female expectations. The human energy for doing that and fostering civilized human progress resides in the goodness of the female heart.

Modern women expect someone else to make them happy each day on earth. It misleads them into wrongful practices. Even her man or children can’t make her a happy camper for very long. Her nature functions differently. A woman is as happy as she makes herself by energizing and thriving on the goodness in her heart.

But her goodness has to go through different paths to reach men or others. It’s personified most effectively when she lives as follows.

A woman is born with one primary mission to fulfill and it guides her life. She maintains a strong sense of self-importance relative to all those around her. It doesn’t rule her life, however, as self-satisfaction does with a man. It’s more provisional, because she has so many interests. The female nature works in relationships much like the following.

  • A woman shows her love and gratefulness for those she appreciates. It bounces back to her that she’s important in their lives. It doesn’t work directly. To do something too direct for someone begets doubt and suspicion as to one’s motivation. But to spread gratitude indirectly is to make someone else feel important, and it reflects back to credit the source.
  • Unfortunately, men are not that keenly tuned to a woman’s love or gratefulness; they expect her admiration and respect more than her gratitude. But the end result is the same. She appears important in her eyes to the extent she capitalizes on her gratitude by admiring, respecting, and satisfying her man. She can judge his satisfaction with her and knows that he needs just what she provides.
  • It’s the caring spirit embedded in her goodness. She can’t just give out what she wants. She has to give out what others need or want, and then it returns to her and amplifies her sense of self-importance. But God designed her to be even more complex. She can’t share what she lacks in her heart, and so without a strong sense of self-gratitude, she has trouble finding gratefulness to share.

When and if she keeps herself gratified with who she is, what she does, who she does it with, and learns to share it abundantly, then she finds happiness. Although, however, the revelation and benefits usually come later in life after her expertise matures.

Immature and under-developed females tend to try it backward and learn later that happiness is not down the road they tread. They try to impress others with their importance and expect confirming feedback. They work the female nature in reverse and don’t know it and, of course, don’t get it.

Not male dominance but female goodness is the strongest civilizing force on earth. The man not domesticated by female goodness in his home can’t civilize the world outside. Men can work compatibly and compete agreeably when they have feminine goodness inspiring them daily. Without female goodness, however, male dominance would just generate a more physical and less-civilized society with couples ruled by male physicality. Without the natural goodness in the female heart, females would be slaves.

——

NATURAL LAW: What self-satisfaction is to men, self-importance is to women. But a woman can’t be important to herself except by sharing her love and gratitude with others.

7 Comments

Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2833. Love is Never Enough — 11: Magic Marital Glue-PostScript


I offer this postscript on yesterday’s article about mutual devotion. The subject disturbed my grumpy sleep and deserves attention.

Both sexes are born with the motivational urge to make themselves feel good by pleasing someone else. As shown with mutual devotion at 2832, it’s the major motivator that springs out of mutual likeability and brings a couple closer together over time.

Based solely on how the sexes are born differently and contrary to how people act today, here’s my conclusion about how mates short circuit their relationship with pet or pets. In the interest of full disclosure, neither Grace nor I ever had a pet in our lives, but one son had an outdoor dog. I can’t say it helped us, but at least the absence of another love object didn’t weaken our 59 years together.

  • To the extent a man makes himself feel good by pleasing his pet, he likely has less time or interest in making himself feel good by pleasing his woman. At the very least, his interest is shared if not diminished, and what female wants to feel diminished of her man’s attention? If her likeability declines, his pet’s role expands in his life. Does a man’s love object take his interest away from his woman? Sometimes, probably, and at least enough to enable relationship cracks to develop or not fade away. After all, she has a competitor within the home and no way to compete with his other love object.
  • Born with self-love and mother love, women have an advantage. They can make themselves feel good by pleasing their man out of their ability to love, and please their pet out of her ability for mother love. Her two-faces of love enable her to sustain her relationship in spite of unfriendly shortcomings and cracks that may appear in the façade of who they are as a couple.
  • As for jointly loved pet or pets, is she really gratified by his attention to another love object? Is he satisfied with her attention to something other than him?

The continual increase in pet popularity matches the decline in the ability of couples to stay together. Statistically? I don’t know. As with most social and domestic trends, stats only show the degree and give people something to argue about; the trends remain clear and more ominous for women.

14 Comments

Filed under Culture & Politics, Fickle female, marriage, sex differences