Category Archives: old school

2733. Wisdom from Magnolia — 04


At 2732 Lady Magnolia sparkles as she leads the reader into the closing paragraph, where she sprinkles dust of wisdom on aging women and unappreciative men. I post it below.

Guy

——

Sir Guy, I’m so glad that you have decided to discuss aging because it’s something that a lot of women struggle with. Let me add that it is also something that is more emphasized in some places. In the U.S. youth is worshiped, mainly because of Hollywood. I found it very interesting a while back when one of the James Bond movies—Spectre– came out because in it Bond gets involved at one point with an older woman. I was a little surprised as well because it didn’t follow Hollywood’s pattern of choosing only younger women (and especially so being a James Bond movie!), but never thought that the woman in question (Italian actress Monica Bellucci) didn’t have what it took to play the part just because she wasn’t 25.

I saw clips of interviews that the leading actor (Daniel Craig) did and he got really annoyed when asked what it was like to make a Bond movie with an older woman. He didn’t want to make a big deal of it. I read the comments in several articles and how people went on and on about it. Then a European man wrote something along the lines of: “That way of thinking happens only in America. In Europe we celebrate women of all ages!” Love it!

So, yes, even though men do love and gravitate towards younger women, it doesn’t mean that a woman over a certain age doesn’t have what it takes to attract and/or keep a man. You are NOT a milk carton that’s about to expire. Human nature is a lot more complex than that. God, nature, evolution, or whatever you believe in, didn’t make a mistake. And let me remind you that throughout history, there have been women who were older and less gifted in the looks department who have beat younger and more beautiful women in getting a man. Also, if only beautiful and young women would get men, older women wouldn’t marry at all and we know that they marry all the time.

What I’ve learned is that yes, as Sir Guy says, it’s very important to look our best, but there is something even more important. Back when the James Bond film that I mentioned came out, with all the brouhaha I got curious to know what the “older actress” thought about what was being said about her and her role on the movie. I found an interview of when they were promoting it where she was asked about it, of course. And what she said was really cool. Here is what she answered about her character: “She doesn’t have her youth anymore, but she has her femininity.” Bingo! I thought she might be reading WWNH or Renee Wade’s The Feminine Woman.

The one thing that men look for above anything else is our femininity, so we must cherish it, cultivate it. It’s a gift to the world and to men. I love being a woman! I will leave you with some very beautiful words that Renee Wade’s husband, David Shen, wrote in one of their publications that I hope will inspire and encourage you as much as it did me: “You as a woman, can light up a man’s life infinitely more so than any of his projects, deadlines, world championships or ambitions to dominate the world. That is your gift. That’s what men would trade everything in the world for. It’s that spark of life that they can never obtain from their masculine lives. Because anything that lives in that masculine domain is emotionally dead. A man may thrive in that environment and really feed off that sense of mission and achievement but nothing will compare it to that fire that a woman can plant in his heart.”

I hope you enjoy these insights as much as I did, ladies. Have a wonderful day!

Magnolia

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2730. Life Made Simpler for Women — 08


  1. Women imagine that by looking younger than their age, they can become more maritally attractive and sexually meaningful. Not so, except in the eyes of immature men who linger mentally in adolescence, adultolescents. To the mature man, she younger than he is more bonus than essential.
  2. A man who has little or no respect for the female gender also lacks a healthy dose of self-respect. Hoping to earn more self-respect, he tends to commit this ‘crime against wife’. He seeks to impose near-complete control over decisions, wife, and life together. He ignores the biblical imperative about how to love his wife but uses it to demand her submission.
  3. Little or no respect for women in a man generally means the same for individual females. Control minimizes his listening to her, disrespects her opinions, reduces her influence, and demeans her role as mate. In effect, such men disallow their wives to nest, much less build his castle. He confirms his control and earns self-respect by blaming her for her inadequacies and his dissatisfactions. His view is paramount; hers is seldom acceptable.
  4. When women dress as girls, or try to copy girlish appearance or sexual manner, they reveal their teenage mindset. It attracts men with the same mentality, as in adultolescents.
  5. Men know that beauty ages with the body. A mature man can be easily satisfied if his wife keeps herself attractive enough overall in spite of the disappointments of aging. Moreover, beauty becomes much less important as the years pass and other factors satisfy him much more easily with their life together.
  6. After marriage, her likeability is far more important than her beauty. It’s not how young she looks. It’s how well she keeps him satisfied that she matures in parallel with her beauty and keeps him reminded and satisfied to be the gal he married.
  7. A wife purposely appearing younger than her age suggests sexual fantasy that appears to seek the attention of someone other than husband. It can throw doubt on her expected loyalty, which is a major ingredient in a husband’s love.

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2721. Depression in Children — Responsibility


If this principle were more universally applied in society, much depression would not occur. Neither would psychologists just now be discovering that depression exists in four-five year old kids:

  • Childhood responsibility prevents depression then and later.

Childhood responsibility is duty in which a self-developing child feels obligated, comfortable, and without fear. From toddler to puberty, chores are most effective if they match up and grow with the child’s developing maturity.

Parental influence begins early. When the conscious mind opens in the third year of life, kids become aware they too are a person and capable of doing things. Shortly thereafter they become aware they are boy or girl. They come to expect the respect they see others receive. Soon they see that girls and boys are respected and treated differently. Accepting it as normal, they become interested in doing things and open up to whatever comes as different lessons in life.

Parental habits and kids’ subconscious minds synchronize easily and soon hardwire this into the mind of toddlers. Respect and trust are reciprocals. A parent who assigns responsibility for chores to match a child’s maturity shows trust in the child’s decisions, which reflects back as respect for the parent. After that, respectable handling of the child’s mistakes or inadequacies—instead of over-supervising in the name of perfection or parental taste—confirms trust of the parent. In the arena of dealing with a child’s determination to self-develop, respect earns trust and vice versa and both are critical to mom harmonizing the home and family.

Lack of chores stifles a child’s self-development. Boys are born to produce things. Girls are born to process life and the lives around them. In both, unfilled ambitions cause dissatisfaction that prompts undesired behavior. Old school: An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.

Made lazy by lack of obligation to earn their way in life, boys and girls slide easily into misery and fight to shake it off. Parents usually don’t know what to do but use authority. Kids quickly grasp the meaning of authority, but they resent it being used on them. They know they can do better if given a chance. It requires patience that parents often lack, which turns a child’s resentment into a fighting back spirit and behavior becomes worse for parents but satisfying for kids. Antagonisms multiply.

When children are not obligated with chores, several results spill over into their lives. Loneliness grows from the uncertainty of not earning one’s way in life and thereby affirm one’s worth. Frustration grows from the lack of ways to feel good about oneself.  Undeserving comes from lack of earned worthiness. Disruptive thoughts arise from the famine of opportunities to earn personal satisfaction among others. Self-confidence fails to form out of achievements. Uncertainty emerges about what’s coming later. Ambitious thoughts turn against family harmony. Dissatisfaction drives kids to look for play and pleasure for its own sake, and bad habits form easily as dissatisfaction grows. Video games, unproductive behavior, teen worship, and drugs gain influence and unproductive habits grow.

WADWMUFGAO, we all do what make us feel good about ourselves. Children ‘unemployed’ with chores find more playful and pleasurable ways for girls to make themselves important and boys to admire themselves. They fail to learn early that they have their own business in life, that of managing their behavior to fit compatibly among others.

OTOH, supervised respectfully and trustingly, children who satisfy themselves by fulfilling obligations recognize they deserve the respect and trust they enjoy with parents and siblings. Girls earn feelings of their importance to others; boys confirm their sense of competence. Satisfied kids add value and sense their worth to the family team, which enables mom to harmonize home and family.

Chores teach children to be satisfied with themselves. Satisfied kids don’t get depressed. They don’t spend time focused on their immaturity, past failures as determined by someone else, or fear to tackle new tasks. They feel good about trying new and challenging tasks as maturity swells and personal determination has not been curbed by poor upbringing. It’s self-development in action.

The assignment and regular performance of chores enables little ones to self-develop into mature children and aim at becoming mature adults. Experience growing up is empty without chore performance that enables children to satisfy themselves.

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Filed under Dear daughter, marriage, nurturing, old school, The mind

2720. Depression in Children — Differences in the Sexes


I last left you with this thought. The sexes are born different. Even traits they lack at birth are different. Girls lack self-respect and boys lack self-love. Each earns what they lack as they grow up. They earn it performing very different, simple, and adult facts of life; development occurs by doing so in steps slightly beyond their level of maturity.

Those missing traits are critical to both the proper alignment of mating compatibility and depression avoidance. Without self-respect, women can’t protect themselves against male dominance. Without self-love, men can’t love a woman as she deserves and expects.

Girls learn to assist and work alongside mothers, regularly perform lightweight chores, develop hygienic habits, arrange their lives as an independent person, attire and groom to feel good, keep themselves attractive and appealing as duty to themselves. The more that independence, self-confidence, and determination stabilize in their minds, the more self-respect accumulates in their hearts. Thus, girls earn self-respect through their own initiative, effort, achievement, and self-development under the guidance mostly of mom.

The earlier the better applies here. Self-respect earned before puberty serves as the most significant trait for a gal to get her way dealing with adults of the opposite sex. It is greatest in gals who have no fear of living with confidence, determination, and perhaps brashness. Moreover, lack of fear steers them away from depression. Self-respect enables them to overcome troubles that impact decisions and problems that affect their lives; they are in charge or have reasonable evidence to think so.

The self-development of girls happens with female guidance and needs no endorsement by the opposite sex. Girls and women develop on their own, whereas males do not develop so independently. Boys and men need affirming endorsement or at least obvious acceptance by females to earn self-love.

Boys learn to work alongside their fathers, perform ever more complicated chores, and clean up out of respect for others after they have accomplished whatever they work on or however they play. As they pile up accomplishments, the beginnings of self-love accumulate in the mind.

However, a boy’s heart awaits confirmation of self-love by respect shown by one or more respected females. IOW, men can’t love themselves as person when lacking the endorsement of woman, first mom and subsequently a mate. Boys earn self-love by earning the love of someone else, which begs the question: Does he have to purposely earn and keep mom’s love to convince himself that he’s loved? Or, does mother-love prevail so obviously that he does not have to earn someone else’s love?

The answer to those questions is critical for a woman trying to select a good candidate, marry, and harmonize her home and family. If a boy purposely earned and kept his mom’s love, he likely makes a good mate. IOW, he did not expect love for nothing. If mother-love was displayed so obviously that the boy had nothing to do to get it, he likely makes a poor mate. IOW, he likely was spoiled.

Do you see the female’s dilemma? Boys and men can live without self-love, but they possess streaks of undependability they—but not their mates—can live with. If girls never earn self-respect in childhood and if their mate is short of self-love, women find life and marriage disappointing and tough to handle. It lays groundwork for depression episodes for wives.

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2715. Wisdom from Miss Gina #3


Miss Gina amplified my post, 2714 – KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, to such a marvelous degree that she deserves her own posting. And so I quote her below.

Dear Lady Etu and other Ladies In Waiting,

By letting a man figure you out, you give him a feeling of accomplishment in relation to you. This works in your favor.

It is not in the female nature to automatically understand the amount of observation and calculation that goes into the daily activities of men, but in actuality they observe very carefully and size up every person they meet. In the male world, this is essential to know where they stand in the “pecking order.” This keeps them out of fights and helps them maneuver in the very competitive male world.

However, every female undergoes scrutiny and categorization, as well. This is one reason why a lady’s visual presentation, manner, and actions are so important. Confidence, self-acceptance, modesty vs. likelihood of easy sexual conquest, intelligence, personality, work ethic, and many other things are conveyed through appearance–or so men think. (Sometimes men–especially immature ones–can be oblivious to well-hidden character flaws in a very attractive woman who fakes a nice personality, but that’s another topic.). Most of the time, it’s true that character can be read by appearance.

In general, mature/good men are fairly correct in their assessments based on silent messages. They have to be to navigate their world successfully, and so they learn.

Though it may not come naturally, ladies can come to understand that the right candidate(s) will see and value a lady’s unique and desirable qualities and be able to draw conclusions from there.

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2704. Secret to Marriage: Putting Wife in Charge


At post 2703 Her Highness SeekandFind triggered this article.

She inquired, “is the secret to marriage, from a woman’s point of view, making her husband feel important at all times, while subtlety maintaining her own self worth?”

My response: Close but not quite.

From the woman’s point of view, the secret to marriage is to do it all herself. Both seek to get their way with the other, but only she has the skill to balance the competition and make their relationship harmonious.

She makes her husband satisfied with himself—neither happy nor important, just satisfied is all he needs—for having chosen her and living with her. Having attained the skill to keep him satisfied with himself, it frees her to use free will and develop the home and family life aimed at fulfilling her girlhood dream.

As long as he’s satisfied living with her, he plays an adjunct involvement role. Even though he’s the ultimate boss, boasting of his ultimacy fades under her gracious charm, quick wit solving present-day problems, and stubbornness at keeping herself focused on brightening the future.

By doing all that, she makes herself important, finds happiness to the extent she does it gratefully, and spreads her love routinely and graciously to confirm her self-worth. It’s all in her nature to exploit, but she has to make their relationship stable and inseparable.

Here are a few more thoughts to help make the secret work for her.

  • Does her importance satisfy him? Not really! It’s what she does with her sense of importance to enhance her abilities and those things that make husband proud to have her.
  • Does showering him with her love satisfy him? Not really! He’s already satisfied; he accepted her love as adequate to ensure her loyalty before he ever proposed. He prefers being taken for granted rather than be inflicted with smother love.
  • Do hints of her admiration satisfy him? Yes, he naturally assumes she admires him. Indirect mentions are all that is needed to confirm it. Trying too hard, such as when he’s depressed or lazy, doesn’t work well. Her motivation appears as effort to uplift him, which he interprets as effort to change him, which he resists and resents.

If he’s not worth her effort, they are not matched well. If she’s not worth his effort, she’s not doing it right.

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2694. Guy’s Short Story


My friend is a farm girl. She goes to the city, marries, raises children, and later moves back to the old home place. Not long after that, she loses a finger in an accident. I get to know her two years ago, after she is widowed.

We are both 86 years old. Opposites attract. I am city boy wonky, and she is country girl stable. We go out a few times. I find enjoyment teasing women, including her, because it makes them prettier. She accuses me of flirting, which of course I deny by virtue of age, although flirting also makes them prettier.

Recently we eat out. Business is slow and we begin chatting with the twenty-year old server, who possesses a delightful personality. I begin to tease her a little and chit-chat develops. During our chatter, my friend thinks she hears the server refer to us as being married. It’s her opening.

Heaven forbid. She cannot let that impression prevail, and she interrupts the server. “Oh, we are not married. Oh, no! However, for reasons I cannot explain, this is our second time around. I don’t know why. You see, the first time he gave me a ring. However, the son-of-a-gun wanted it back and I refused” as she holds up her left hand with the ring finger missing.

The server, surprised at the horrible thought, catches on and our laughter rocks the restaurant’s atmosphere. My friend’s timing and storytelling are perfect. I learn to admire her talent for devilish humor made delightful.

The feminine woman is full of surprises that men appreciate, and my friend leaps from 8 to 9 in geriatric terms.

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