Category Archives: old school

2704. Secret to Marriage: Putting Wife in Charge


At post 2703 Her Highness SeekandFind triggered this article.

She inquired, “is the secret to marriage, from a woman’s point of view, making her husband feel important at all times, while subtlety maintaining her own self worth?”

My response: Close but not quite.

From the woman’s point of view, the secret to marriage is to do it all herself. Both seek to get their way with the other, but only she has the skill to balance the competition and make their relationship harmonious.

She makes her husband satisfied with himself—neither happy nor important, just satisfied is all he needs—for having chosen her and living with her. Having attained the skill to keep him satisfied with himself, it frees her to use free will and develop the home and family life aimed at fulfilling her girlhood dream.

As long as he’s satisfied living with her, he plays an adjunct involvement role. Even though he’s the ultimate boss, boasting of his ultimacy fades under her gracious charm, quick wit solving present-day problems, and stubbornness at keeping herself focused on brightening the future.

By doing all that, she makes herself important, finds happiness to the extent she does it gratefully, and spreads her love routinely and graciously to confirm her self-worth. It’s all in her nature to exploit, but she has to make their relationship stable and inseparable.

Here are a few more thoughts to help make the secret work for her.

  • Does her importance satisfy him? Not really! It’s what she does with her sense of importance to enhance her abilities and those things that make husband proud to have her.
  • Does showering him with her love satisfy him? Not really! He’s already satisfied; he accepted her love as adequate to ensure her loyalty before he ever proposed. He prefers being taken for granted rather than be inflicted with smother love.
  • Do hints of her admiration satisfy him? Yes, he naturally assumes she admires him. Indirect mentions are all that is needed to confirm it. Trying too hard, such as when he’s depressed or lazy, doesn’t work well. Her motivation appears as effort to uplift him, which he interprets as effort to change him, which he resists and resents.

If he’s not worth her effort, they are not matched well. If she’s not worth his effort, she’s not doing it right.

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2694. Guy’s Short Story


My friend is a farm girl. She goes to the city, marries, raises children, and later moves back to the old home place. Not long after that, she loses a finger in an accident. I get to know her two years ago, after she is widowed.

We are both 86 years old. Opposites attract. I am city boy wonky, and she is country girl stable. We go out a few times. I find enjoyment teasing women, including her, because it makes them prettier. She accuses me of flirting, which of course I deny by virtue of age, although flirting also makes them prettier.

Recently we eat out. Business is slow and we begin chatting with the twenty-year old server, who possesses a delightful personality. I begin to tease her a little and chit-chat develops. During our chatter, my friend thinks she hears the server refer to us as being married. It’s her opening.

Heaven forbid. She cannot let that impression prevail, and she interrupts the server. “Oh, we are not married. Oh, no! However, for reasons I cannot explain, this is our second time around. I don’t know why. You see, the first time he gave me a ring. However, the son-of-a-gun wanted it back and I refused” as she holds up her left hand with the ring finger missing.

The server, surprised at the horrible thought, catches on and our laughter rocks the restaurant’s atmosphere. My friend’s timing and storytelling are perfect. I learn to admire her talent for devilish humor made delightful.

The feminine woman is full of surprises that men appreciate, and my friend leaps from 8 to 9 in geriatric terms.

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2687. Wisdom from Miss Gina


NOTE: It seems men in at least one big city have a new standard. Lady Aidos reports “It’s been astonishing to me how many men walk away after I refuse sex *on a second date*. It’s been the majority [after dozens of dates, NOV-APR].” Miss Gina offers appropriate self-help.

Guy

——

Dear Lady Aidos,

I understand your comment that being rejected can be draining. But consider a slightly different perspective. Try going into the date with an open but educated mind about the male nature…you already understand what is likely to happen, so you have your shields up…while giving him a small window of opportunity to prove himself. It is ok to be a bit cool and aloof toward the gentleman…remember how so many men go crazy over women who are downright mean–they represent a challenge. (I don’t recommend meanness, but a little impatience with or skepticism of a man can trigger his challenge reflex.) If you watch romantic movies from the 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s, (early 60’s too), the women are often good examples. [Guy says: Movie lists are available at posts 2039, 1369, 1242, 1224, and 541.] *You* are the one in the driver’s seat, and *you* are screening through many unworthy men. Most will move on, which is what makes them unworthy of you–*not* you unworthy of them. You only have to find one. Just this small change in perspective can make it easier on you and make you more attractive at the same time.

Miss Gina

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2686. Tradeoffs in Marriage


Not enough attention is paid to marital benefits that arise from tradeoffs that tend to settle into habits. By paying too much attention to equalizing matters or his not returning her love, wives tend to get caught up in pop culture mistakes that divide rather than unify. Examples: a) Men are to blame for problems that women carry into marriage. b) Husbands do nothing to help or better manage disruptions that wives identify. c) Husbands should carry an equal load in housekeeping and childcare functions. d) Home and family are heavier responsibilities than women should have to endure.

The following tradeoffs tend to settle marital issues before they arise. More credit is due as each ounce of prevention works better than a pound of cure.

  1. Her being cherished makes up for his being boss.
  2. She expects him to listen to her endless chatter, he expects her to accept his capricious interest in quickie sex.
  3. Husbands need opportunity to just think, wives need opportunity to just talk.
  4. If she expects romance, he accepts it as foreplay.
  5. He sees sex as intercourse measured in orgasms, she sees sex as foreplay, intercourse, and afterplay measured in intimacy.
  6. His being admired makes up for her harping about little things.
  7. She expects intimacy in sex to satisfy her. He expects to prove his prowess and satisfy himself.

Unless one side tries to find imbalance or inequality in them, such tradeoffs tend to stabilize and unify rather than separate.

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2684. Answers That Women Look For — 03


Previous Q&A for easy reference.

  1. Why do men avoid marriage? [See 2676]
  2. What makes a husband dissatisfied with himself? [See 2676]
  3. Do men consider the wife to be responsible to keep their marriage together? [See 2676]
  4. Why do husbands cheat? [See 2677]

 Q. If the sexes are so different at birth, how are they alike? [2684]

A. The deeper I go into male/female subject matter, the more it makes sense that the sexes differ in so many ways. The subject here is a spot we’ve not visited previously, how the sexes are alike.

Responsibility. Being individuals, we inherit the responsibility for our self-development and how we turn out. We can’t take care and develop ourselves unless we start by taking responsibility for every facet of life that we can control or influence. How we decide to carry, share, revitalize, or dispose of responsibility is the most awesome and challenging function we call living. (By aborting self-responsibility, some people cripple their lives—e.g., wives won’t stand up for themselves for fear of losing their man.)

Motivation. Self-interest drives the motivation bus. Everyone is primarily motivated to pursue their self-interest. It develops subconsciously and operates in background to keep individuals up to date as life progresses. It shapes who they are and what they are after.

Free will. Each individual is blessed with free will to pursue self-interest. It helps get their way in life’s decisions. Until, that is, most individuals decide to somewhat amend free will in order to adjust and improve their way of life with others, especially individuals; e.g., a wife yields to hubby on present-day matters, so she can shape the future to match her expectations. Yielding free will in certain instances, however, does not make one less responsible for their life. It’s just a trade off to enhance whatever life a person seeks to develop for the situation, aka modifying self-interest.

Get their way. Individuals are driven to get their way as evidenced early by infants seeking comfort and toddlers battling competitors. It makes competition the most fundamental law of interacting individually. Except as we defer by choice or force, we are always in competition with others of both sexes. We learn as a small child the need to either fight to get our way, negotiate agreement, yield to someone else by choice, or be forced to yield to someone else (mom’s rule, big brother, and a girl says ‘no’ come to mind). Exception: Girls learn early in life they can get their way more effectively by cooperating rather than competing, which teaches and enables women to get their way with men much more easily than with other females.

Self-development. We each are born with an unconscious motivation to develop ourselves as unique individuals. It’s visible as early as toddlerhood and continues throughout life. Consequently, we get what we motivate ourselves to get out of life, and the best results—especially by tweens and teens—come from accepting and fulfilling the responsibility of mature adults. To the extent people ignore or dodge responsibility for themselves, they cripple and possibly shorten their lives. Once children pass puberty, they absorb an attitude of being close enough to adulthood to act like adults. Their maturity level, however, is proportional to the sense of adult responsibility tweens developed before puberty and teens exhibit in the adolescent years.

Satisfaction. Both sexes use internal signals that whatever they have been doing is completed, and they are free to move on to something else. Self-satisfaction triggers some new motivation to keep us busy at satisfying ourselves. The sexes begin to differ here. Men work in spurts and find satisfaction in accomplishments. Women work continuously, and find satisfaction in continued dedication to their self-importance and self-defined missions in life. Consequently, men pay more specific attention to satisfaction than do women; in fact satisfaction governs a man’s life much as love governs a woman’s.

Compatible. Both sexes are born to be compatible with the opposite sex. Its more ability than guarantee for individuals, and it thus requires mutual effort and dedication.

If the sexes were only alike except for reproductive systems, humans would have made themselves extinct long ago. They wouldn’t be able to stand an opposite sex someone so much like them; too much likeness uncovers both excess boredom and keener competition. It’s our gender differences that make our lives compatible, enjoyable, successful, and worthy of replication.

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2668. Superior vs. Dominant Gender — 01


I sense a rant coming on. When sex is everything, no room exists for recovery. Example, what does relationship recovery look like for women today? We are six or seven sub-generations* deep into Feminism. Is it paying off for women in their relationships with men?

Modern women don’t know jack about Jack and not enough about Jill. The sexes are born very different, yet cultural and political trending add constant pressure for them to be more alike. Unisex is no longer a popular term, but the pressure to achieve it is certainly common. (Toilets according to personal preference?)

Women routinely let a man’s sexual pleasure—and perhaps some claimed by her—to substitute for what they can no longer get reliably out of one man. Examples: brighter future for her, permanent relationship, mutual respect, mutual love, likeability based on persona rather than sexual compatibility, sexual fidelity, his duty to stay following a surprise pregnancy, fulfilled moral obligations, dependence on him, two-parent home, fathering their children, he provides and protects, family leadership, lifetime marriage. Oh, she might get a few of those, but her nature craves all of those benefits to be available with one man in her life.

Women can’t get what they want out of players and modern men, unless they agree that sex is everything or at least enough. Men don’t have much more to offer, because they don’t have too. Women are too liberal with their expectations about men. They can’t get their way except temporarily by yielding, can’t get what they expect to get except as they play the man’s game of cheap and easy sex. They rationalize that it’s enough in order to have their own man or avoid being dumped. They also swallow their pride, self-respect, and ability to negotiate for a better life for her and her kids.

Women themselves destroy the worth of their natural superiority at virtually no cost to men. No negotiations about obligations; just give aways that enable men to always win in the present but women lose for their future. Men by nature manage the present but ignore the future; they can handle whatever comes, which in itself—if not influenced by a well-loved woman—is enough to ruin a woman’s future.

Both sexes are born to get their way associating with other people. Jill straddles the wave of sexual freedom with legs spread, while Jack enjoys the greatest unobligated pleasures. Jack keeps promoting endless sex by endorsing political propaganda, media culture, and masculine habits of dealing with conquered females as disposables. Women fall for it, and men and women become enemies pretty much as planned by radical feminists and political revolutionaries more than half a century ago.

Women destroy their superior ability by favoring male dominance. They lower themselves to the level of men for the pleasure of sex and thereby lift responsibility from men to help care for their offspring. Men will keep forever the lid on that jar of life.

Only the crossing of female legs outside of marriage can restore a woman-governed society as once existed in America. Only marriage-obligated sex can recover manly respect of females, enable femininity to overpower feminist thought, enable men to appreciate ruling the marriage and family while wife runs both, and make it happen by utilizing the natural superiority of the female sex.

We are all born to get our way with others, which means that competition is the lifeblood of human interaction. Calm and peaceful competition depends on mutual respect, each gender for the other. Those days are long past; single men have virtually no respect for females, as evidenced by both the habits and growing popularity of players. Other men may have some respect left. Of course, if men are blamed, they claim that women are respected, but it’s a dumbed-down version caused by women not standing up for themselves.

Men get their way by out-competing other men, but they rely on the threat of—men have little else—physicality to dominate females. Women get their way by competing with women. They are well-born to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver men. But they are highly restricted, if they don’t use their physicality of crossed legs to capture and win sincere obligations by one man who chooses her as his.

Women have sexual assets that men will pay to access. If men don’t have to pay much, they can orbit through and around the female neighborhood satisfying manly urges with freedom. Hit and miss but never left out in the cold of female disapproval for not trying hard enough, for not meeting female values, standards, and expectations.

Unattractive women have less hope of capturing a man; their female sisters keep most of the men occupied and satisfied. With sex on his mind all the time, such as with players, only attractive dolls fit the bill. Gals with more than sex to offer don’t come into view, aren’t noticed, and are not observed long enough for their qualities to be admired, virtues uncovered, and for men to learn that sex isn’t everything.

Women are superior except when they forego or forget their strengths in order to have temporary boyfriend, husband, lover, ex, or just be popular. It enables men to exploit their dominance without competition. Women no longer get their way, unless its by endorsing the man’s game of sexual freedom.

——

*I count a sub-generation as six or seven years, because that’s how often boys and girls separate themselves from the previous generation with their choices in toys, music, apparel, habits, taste, chit-chat, preference to associate with peers, and adolescent openness with their unique personal bias. As adults, each sub-generation has its own hard-to-distinguish identity, but the latest is deeper into Feminism than previous ones.

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2645. Strategy for Courtship — 01: Introduction


Dating and courtship can be defined and described many ways. The battle of the sexes revolves around both sexes being born to get their way with the other. I write about the version that empowers and enables girls and women to get their way and make guys appreciate the feminine way.

This is the major battle. Whoever gets their way—the guy to achieve conquest without future obligation, or the gal to achieve marriage without yielding—wins. When the guy wins, the gal may or may not win depending on his decision before conquest. She can end up as keeper, booty, or disposable.

I write about courtship without sharing sex. If you find no interest in dating and courting that way, you may still uncover in what follows some insight into why gals should not relinquish courtship governance to guys. Example: Feminine qualities are admired by men as virtues. Her greatest virtue is possession without use of sexual assets. The more and better she withholds them, the more and better a man respects and admires her. A man’s love is founded on respect of a woman, and so keeping her legs crossed earns a guy’s respect, admiration, and whatever love he develops associating with her. With legs crossed, women can get their way. With legs apart, guys don’t bond as women expect, and gals lose their courtship supremacy.

Men are motivated two ways. When they can’t conquer a gal, they can get serious and even dedicate themselves to chasing her until she yields. The longer he pursues her, the more he invests himself with actions that program his heart in her favor, and men don’t easily walk away from lengthy investments.

When gals yield the first time, that guy is free to chase others. It’s not her or her fault, it’s his nature to conquer every attractive female that will have him.

A woman is best served by this courtship strategy: He chases and wins her without access to her sexual assets until they marry. It may not always play out that way, given the pressures of passion and pleasures of sex. The longer it plays out that way, however, the greater his investment of himself in her interests. By far, it’s the superior strategy by which the superior gender can handle the dominant gender and promote the female’s  self-interest.

Why is that? Because a man changes dramatically as the result of conquest. It’s not her fault but his two sex-drive nature. All she did was yield out of love, wish to satisfy him, and hope he would bond. He doesn’t bond, he admires and satisfies himself with accomplishment, and her risk skyrockets of doing without him.

Hardwired this way from birth, conquest releases him from chasing her, and he becomes free to chase another. He may dispose of her as inadequate for him. Or, he might choose to stay with her, if she has earned enough of his respect and interest for proceeding together as either booty or for long-range mating.

While not a popular strategy today, the one I propose above flooded the social marketplace back in the day when most men sought to marry and settle down with a good woman. We can’t turn back the clock, but the foundation of men seeking to marry a good woman is founded on the respect a woman earns by possessing a great virtue and withholding it until a man invests himself sufficiently to step up and meet her expectations.

If a woman can’t learn to get her way in courtship, she’s short of what it takes to get her way in marriage, where men want little to do with managing the domestic side of living together.

While not nearly as impressive as crossed legs for shaping manly attitudes, women are blessed with characteristics that generate attractive and feminine attitudes for men. It’s next.

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