Category Archives: Sociology 101

2751. The Incompetent Patient

For the last six days medical experts worked conscientiously to keep ahead of me and my aged habits while in their custody. I continue the mentally aging reversal into my childhood, and I’m determined it will be more fun than embarrassment and discouragement. It’s an amazing journey for me, but I have to raise all the fun.

So, that’s the story line. This is my report to blog readers amid reflections of my gratitude to the medical professionals at Memorial Hospital in Charleston, West Virginia.

I learned so much; mostly all new to me.

  1. As a doctor pushes a tube into my lung cavity a few inches from left nipple, the pain on a 1-10 scale temporarily but repeatedly rings the 15 bell. He used only a local anesthetic but local compensation helps. I’m surrounded by a gaggle of pretty nurses whose smiling faces cushion every pain until it subsides. It’s amazing that women don’t recognize how their smiles tell a man that all is okay at her end, so he can relax. If all is okay with her, no blame attaches to him. (Wives take notice.) Conclusion: A pretty smiling female face shrinks and shortens pain and helps convince one to relax and breathe in the nose and out the mouth.
  2. Living through my reversal into childhood, moans and verbal exclamations of pain help as they did when young. As a child, I didn’t know the impact my noises made; today I don’t care. However, then I recognize that guys don’t show weakness before gals, and that too attenuates my pain. As a child I wanted to complain; as an adult I hide my shame by reducing the moans and groans. Just the thoughts work to help hide the pain.

I’m so grateful for the smiling faces in the ER, especially the lady, Brandi, who convinced me ahead of time that it would be uncomfortable rather than painful. When I found out the difference, I couldn’t hold it against her; she was too pretty. I’m convinced that’s why God made all women pretty in their hearts. She can ease the pain of her man as needed (and as long as revenge doesn’t stir her heart).

  1. Next came the ICU and a new set of adventures. Five nights there and I made a disaster of the room three different times with three different nurses. All were men but I think it more coincidental than selective; I wouldn’t discriminate against them, but I probably would have been less adventurous and more circumspect if a gal had the duty with me that night. Seriously, better and more conscientious men I’ve not met for years. I couldn’t believe their calm demeanor recovering from my disturbances made while alone and flustered with urges to relieve urges upon urges upon what to do now. Who needs help with simple matters any man should handle for himself, such as don’t pee on the floor?

Three different nights. The men were Chuck, Nolen, and Ed. If I had a business of almost any kind and in need of professional conscientiousness, I’d try to hire them. Other noteworthy guys included Jason, Joey, Davon, and Chris.

Highly effectve at whatever they tackle or do. The gal nurses were also effective because of superior conscientiousness and, more later, good leadership. They included: Andrea, Lisa, Jessica, Jennifer, and Brianna.

  1. Next step was an overnight before checkout with more pretty faces to enjoy. Jenny, Sarah, Sally, Jessica, Carolina. I did not tear up the room either, just the bed and the floor. Conscientiousness and devotion to duty filled everyone of them, and I truly relished the enjoyment they brought me.
  2. I say enjoyment they all brought me. For decades I’ve been a student and teacher of leadership and management. I look for how an organization functions and assess its leadership. The attitude, morale, and conscientious functioning of the nurses at Memorial are the result of good or better leadership that spreads like an encouraging epidemic of good will and intent, which are precursors of good care. IOW, everyone works together so well their individual worth shoots skyward, which represents how I was treated for six days.

Individuals shine because they have a good place and way to show off their abilities—and, I have to add, their professional personalities, which I use to measure competence and effectiveness.

In the room I was incompetent and generated more work for the nurses. I’m grateful they were able to restore me—with every sign of forgiveness—to competence for my expected life at home. What a great batch of representatives of their profession.

For blog readers, I developed these thoughts to inject into blog material.

  • Silence in the face of a man’s accomplishments is the bedfellow of disrespect.
  • Silence in the face of a woman’s intentions and efforts rings as lack of her importance.

Finally, I struck both relationship gold and new blog material when I turned into Charleston Memorial Hospital.



Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, old school, Sociology 101, The mind

2741. God’s Gift of Independence

I couldn’t resist an independence theme today. We celebrate a fantastic accomplishment, the likes of which have never been repeated. It’s a great reason to celebrate.

Pardon my hubris but we should also celebrate this: God—or Mother Nature if you insist—designed humans with relationship foundations and abilities for couples to live together. That is, mate up for life. He put one sex more in charge for reasons not so clearly understood.

Born with genetic and hormonal endowments unique to both sex and individual, each person is born independently according to the individuals they will become. Each born able to choose one’s path of life. Each born with the primal urge to develop into what they want to become; what they need to fulfill their ambitions for life among others. Each born independent for using free will and self-centeredness to motivate endless pursuit of self-interest. Each born independent enough to satisfy a God-given urge to get their own way. Infants cry to be fed or cleaned. Toddlers face off against adults until they learn to be more circumspect. Adults compete inside and across gender lines.

All of those features and motivational forces merge together in individuals and turn human interaction into a competitive marketplace. It’s where the sexes become individually responsible to make themselves compatible and burdened to find and keep a mate. It’s the marketplace where independence is sacrificed to join up as a mutually dependent couple.

Much of that above energizes more competition than cooperation, more battle scars than collaboration, less compatibility and magnetic togetherness than required to mate successfully. Yet one sex is responsible for success as couple.

Male is the dominant gender and men rely on dominance or its reflection to get their way. When  pushed, frustrated, or in fear of losing, physical and mental abuse are readily available. A man usually lives within that model but inevitably the other gender resents dealing with it. Sex differences from birth enable a woman to checkmate her man’s tendency to be aggressive. Therein resides the woman’s dilemma, when to appreciate his dominant spirit and how to discourage its use against her interests?

Women work diligently to convince men that cooperation and collaboration are superior to competition; at least dealing with females and in coupledom. They also know the how of it. A woman—mother, granny, teen, fiancée, wife— weans boy and man from aggressive options.

However, women seldom understand this little collaborative theme. To buy into what a woman expects out of him, either boy or man has to end up satisfied with himself; both before he grows up and after they mate up and settle into life together. It’s his main mission in life: Satisfy himself with who he is as individual and what he does through his independence.

The faithful opposition flying in the face of the dominant gender is superior by virtue of each woman’s relationship expertise. Females inherit the ability to generate and govern a couple’s life together and do it to the satisfaction of the man’s sense of who he is and what he does.

She doesn’t have to please him all the time, or be perfect in her attentiveness; she only has to keep him satisfied with himself. The latter impresses him with her expertise; the former too easily lets her slip into frustration or desperation when extra striving to please doesn’t work as she expects.

At birth men inherit only the ability; they have to be taught what women are after and, even more radically, sold on the idea that two live better than one. It’s a female-to-male sales job in the social marketplace. Yet and to the contrary, women have to avoid the seller’s role if they hope to keep a man. If individual men can’t sell well enough for a woman to buy into one of them for her future, that man’s just not good enough for her.

OTOH, at birth females inherit the incentive and inspiration to convert their attractiveness into courtship presentation and negotiation that inspire a man with desire for compatible togetherness. It’s only the bait, however. The hook remains with her ability to let a man discover how important she can be in his life that will shortly reveal his independence to be fading.

The primal want of men is for freedom to make and follow their own decisions, basic independence. The kind of freedom awarded by unalienable rights from “Nature’s God” as thought through by the signers of the Declaration of Independence.


Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, marriage, old school, sex differences, Sociology 101

2718. Depression in Children — Causes

I quote from my local paper, and it inspired my article today. The quote originated in The Washington Post as, “More than one-third of teen girls experience depression, study says,” and attributed to Ariana Eunjung Cha. Almost three times as many girls as boys are involved.

“The idea that children can be depressed is something that has only been recently accepted by psychologists. As recently as the 1980s, adolescents were considered too developmentally immature to be able to experience such a grown-up affliction. Today most scientists recognize that children as young as 4 or 5 years of age can be depressed.”


I lack the specific educational credentials to venture deep into childhood depression. However, this is obvious. The now-popular, well-intended, but depression-causing self-esteem movement in schools, homes, and churches ignorantly produces the opposite of healthy and under depressed kids. It goes contrary to the inborn natures of both sexes and shows educational authorities to be unknowing. They move society in the wrong direction, or we wouldn’t have a depression epidemic. Consequently, I write about the motivational effects of raising kids to avoid depression.

Boys and girls are born different. Different parents have different methods. News stories often describe the criminal results of inferior upbringing. Politically dominated bureaucrats seek to discredit parental authority. Teachers are trained to believe they know better than parents, and so adults disagree about what’s going on and who should do what to fix it. Combining those inputs, both the cause and solution of childhood depression came to mind several years ago. Experience since then confirms it.

Part II describes simple solutions. The causes lie with adults who misunderstand a child’s inborn motivation for self-development. Both parents and teachers interfere rather than encourage, assist, and promote. They all do so from their own poor upbringing, lack of knowledge, and acceptance of popular notions. It takes adults to screw up kids.

Both sexes are born to get their way with self and others. Life is a process, and determination to get one’s way is paramount in childhood too. Kids pass puberty convinced of their ability to determine events in their life, or they pass with less. Those who have less are the most vulnerable to depression. The question becomes, how do some children retain their determination to govern their lives, while some don’t?

The answer lies in fulfilling responsibilities, achievements in their own eyes, getting to produce and judge the results, and perfecting their own style and technique as they learn more, and as they progress through the years before puberty.

Children are little adults in many ways. They develop themselves just as we adults continue it throughout life. By adult expectations, they may not know what they are doing, but immaturity is no roadblock to them. More importantly, they have a mature level of determination to achieve what they want out of their present or future situation. To them, it justifies what they are doing — however wrong in the eyes of others. As the result of using determination to get what they want, it upgrades their self-confidence, self-worth, self-image, and self-interest. All of which confirms both their self-determination and the self-esteem hardwired in their brains in utero and infancy.

Destroy or even weaken that determination to pursue self-interest as they see it, and the foundation of depression is laid. Much like adults throughout life, they are self-motivated to pursue and protect their self-interest—perhaps undeveloped but theirs nevertheless.

By using authoritarian methods to correct children, parents weaken the child’s determination that they are in the right, which forces them to redefine their self-interest, which weakens self-motivation, which weakens their initiative, which weakens their energy to act, and which forces them to find satisfaction with themselves by doing little or nothing. The foundation for depression hardens quickly under those pressures.

Lacking energy to achieve little encourages kids to think about what they want but can’t have or produce, which focuses thoughts on regrets and the past, which downgrades present thoughts about doing something they want or need, which neutralizes self-motivation, which leads to doing little or nothing, which brings on the doldrums of thoughts rather than the actions of doing something, which focuses them on wanting emotional relief, which introduces them to figuring that something outside home and family may relieve their anxieties, which makes them susceptible to others who may lead them into drugs.

In god-awful, dumb, and misguided attempts that lay groundwork for future depression, parents and teachers manage child development at the individual level. They don’t assign responsibility, or they usurp individual development. The don’t discipline the least possible—by child’s measure—to get their messages across. They aim at developing a great child instead of a good adult.

They do a child’s school work, impose no grading, see that each child passes, and provide awards for participation. Doing so denies children the ability to both achieve and judge their results. Every child must be alike, which is contrary to the individual spirit developing in each child.

A child loses faith in his ability to self-develop because parents and teachers try harder and impose more of the wrong things, and then behavior problems begin. To accomplish anything of worth to the child is better for self-development than doing nothing. It’s also a good habit to brighten teen and later years. Contrary to adult-think, unearned gifts and making life easy do not improve self-esteem. Furthermore, it weakens self-confidence, -image, -worth, -interest, and -determination.

Robbed of personal responsibility, children lose opportunities for girls to earn and confirm self-importance and boys to earn and confirm self-admiration. Lack of responsibility teaches girls they can’t figure out how important they are compared to others, which weakens their self-love, prevents earning self-respect, and leads directly to depression. No responsibility teaches boys that what they do is less than admirable; it leaves them too without a work ethic.

A child who does little or nothing growing up will sooner or later be plagued by depression. Responsible actions throughout childhood breed a determined form of self-satisfaction, and it builds a foundation against depressive pressures.

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Filed under Dear daughter, marriage, nurturing, sex differences, Sociology 101

2697. Refresher Thoughts — 13

  1. Men are grateful for what they do; accomplishment makes men satisfied with themselves. Women are grateful for what they have; the more grateful, the happier they are.
  2. For a man to feel good about himself, he need only plan, tackle, and complete some task either for himself or someone he loves. It satisfies him for the present. For a woman to feel good about herself, she need only find gratitude in something or somebody. It satisfies her momentarily and lifts her spirits.
  3. Children should never outrank father. When a man plays second fiddle in his mate’s home orchestra, he’s prompted to cancel his union membership and look to play a set or two elsewhere.
  4. As wife, she has responsibility to convince husband he is numero uno, period. As mother, she convinces all kids that husband outranks everyone else in home and family, but each child is convinced they rank foremost in mom’s heart.
  5. The mushy-headed woman accepts a man’s words instead of taking time to test and judge his actions. She believes too easily what men tell her, and so she falls for offers that favor his interest far beyond her own.
  6. Without using feminine thinking shaped around female-friendly principles and her standards, a woman can’t separate a good man for marrying from a man good for fun and games. Example: He wants to take her off for a weekend. She agrees only if they have separate rooms.
  7. Some women want their own man so badly they sign up with almost any male offer. Mushy thinking, aka following only their feelings causes short relationships.
  8. When a woman lets infatuation guide her into easy sex and she gets dumped, she overlooks her female best interest. Convinced by guilt that she deserves no better causes her to take up with the worst of men. Such as, the self-centered man full of himself who uses venomous words that parboil her self-esteem, reduce her self-image, and subvert her self-interest. [1908]


Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, marriage, sex differences, Sociology 101

2696. Ladies, Attention!

I am going out of town 5/3 – 5/10. No ability to communicate online, but will be thinking of you in Texas on personal business and a wedding, plus Missouri for a visit with family. A successful grandson and wife of significant merit also raise my great granddaughter, and I am excited to see them again. Get to travel with my son, too.

You might spend spare time in articles of interest as listed in the CONTENTS page at HOME. On return I will as usual respond to all questions in your comments. I’m particularly interested in questions re the disappearing dating scene.

Also, I seek your responses to this question: Why are we here? What did God  design us for and expect us to accomplish in life? Or, if you don’t believe, what has evolutionary development prepared us for? Anything in particular? Just live and survive? Or should we be aimed at something, some mission in particular other than survival? Or does the development of our brain obligate us in any way one sex for the other? How do we know or determine what’s the right thing to do?

Many readers will consider the previous paragraph to be uninteresting or irrelevant to current events. Whatever comments they make, however, will improve the body of knowledge that they have helped build on this blog.

P.S. I just ran across this site and recommend it while I’m away:


Filed under Dear daughter, Sociology 101

2684. Answers That Women Look For — 03

Previous Q&A for easy reference.

  1. Why do men avoid marriage? [See 2676]
  2. What makes a husband dissatisfied with himself? [See 2676]
  3. Do men consider the wife to be responsible to keep their marriage together? [See 2676]
  4. Why do husbands cheat? [See 2677]

 Q. If the sexes are so different at birth, how are they alike? [2684]

A. The deeper I go into male/female subject matter, the more it makes sense that the sexes differ in so many ways. The subject here is a spot we’ve not visited previously, how the sexes are alike.

Responsibility. Being individuals, we inherit the responsibility for our self-development and how we turn out. We can’t take care and develop ourselves unless we start by taking responsibility for every facet of life that we can control or influence. How we decide to carry, share, revitalize, or dispose of responsibility is the most awesome and challenging function we call living. (By aborting self-responsibility, some people cripple their lives—e.g., wives won’t stand up for themselves for fear of losing their man.)

Motivation. Self-interest drives the motivation bus. Everyone is primarily motivated to pursue their self-interest. It develops subconsciously and operates in background to keep individuals up to date as life progresses. It shapes who they are and what they are after.

Free will. Each individual is blessed with free will to pursue self-interest. It helps get their way in life’s decisions. Until, that is, most individuals decide to somewhat amend free will in order to adjust and improve their way of life with others, especially individuals; e.g., a wife yields to hubby on present-day matters, so she can shape the future to match her expectations. Yielding free will in certain instances, however, does not make one less responsible for their life. It’s just a trade off to enhance whatever life a person seeks to develop for the situation, aka modifying self-interest.

Get their way. Individuals are driven to get their way as evidenced early by infants seeking comfort and toddlers battling competitors. It makes competition the most fundamental law of interacting individually. Except as we defer by choice or force, we are always in competition with others of both sexes. We learn as a small child the need to either fight to get our way, negotiate agreement, yield to someone else by choice, or be forced to yield to someone else (mom’s rule, big brother, and a girl says ‘no’ come to mind). Exception: Girls learn early in life they can get their way more effectively by cooperating rather than competing, which teaches and enables women to get their way with men much more easily than with other females.

Self-development. We each are born with an unconscious motivation to develop ourselves as unique individuals. It’s visible as early as toddlerhood and continues throughout life. Consequently, we get what we motivate ourselves to get out of life, and the best results—especially by tweens and teens—come from accepting and fulfilling the responsibility of mature adults. To the extent people ignore or dodge responsibility for themselves, they cripple and possibly shorten their lives. Once children pass puberty, they absorb an attitude of being close enough to adulthood to act like adults. Their maturity level, however, is proportional to the sense of adult responsibility tweens developed before puberty and teens exhibit in the adolescent years.

Satisfaction. Both sexes use internal signals that whatever they have been doing is completed, and they are free to move on to something else. Self-satisfaction triggers some new motivation to keep us busy at satisfying ourselves. The sexes begin to differ here. Men work in spurts and find satisfaction in accomplishments. Women work continuously, and find satisfaction in continued dedication to their self-importance and self-defined missions in life. Consequently, men pay more specific attention to satisfaction than do women; in fact satisfaction governs a man’s life much as love governs a woman’s.

Compatible. Both sexes are born to be compatible with the opposite sex. Its more ability than guarantee for individuals, and it thus requires mutual effort and dedication.

If the sexes were only alike except for reproductive systems, humans would have made themselves extinct long ago. They wouldn’t be able to stand an opposite sex someone so much like them; too much likeness uncovers both excess boredom and keener competition. It’s our gender differences that make our lives compatible, enjoyable, successful, and worthy of replication.

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Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, old school, sex differences, Sociology 101, The mind

2669. Superior and Dominant Genders — 02

Women are victims of conventional wisdom. It actually sucks the life out of a solid marriage.

Domestic issues keep women frustrated, relationships in turmoil, and men dissatisfied with women. Those issues burst out as toxic attitudes that pit men and women as enemies. The following attitudes, for example.

The expectation but impossibility of equal sharing of homecare, childcare, etc. Sooner or later men make themselves unworthy. Blame that men are somehow at fault for women’s problems. Distrust of men because they don’t believe or act as women do. Failure to earn a man’s respect but still expect his love. Wifely conviction that husband has to be told about everything she considers wrong. Feminist-endowed excuse that she is always right. Female willingness to accept political correctness as legitimate. Wifely expectation that hubby causes their problems and is responsible to improve their relationship. Female rationalizing that makes someone else responsible for her problems.  Women listen only to women about men. Wives forego being the heart and neck of the home with intention to  become the head. Wife complains endlessly.

Plus, too little respect and gratitude for who a man is and little or no dependence on what he does. Men object but women pay little attention because of the blame, and so men learn to resent, resist, and retaliate. Payback saves face.

Female attitudes and expectations cause women to act so different from their nature that they lose their position in life as the superior gender. They lose to the dominant gender by their inability and unwillingness to earn a man’s respect. (Funny thing about respect, the only way to earn it is to first demo either trust or respect.)

Each woman has a different set of complaints, and except for sex it quickly makes her obsolete to her man. If not before marriage, then afterward if she changes to become a persona different than he married.

In short, conventional wisdom implants false hope that women can find happiness by ignoring their design, abandoning their nature, foregoing their inborn endowments, and short-circuiting their hormonal energies. Copying manly habits makes them less attractive, needed, and desirable to men as candidates for marriage. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman; feminine attractiveness, modesty, and cooperation (rather than competition) are virtues commonly desired by most men.

Conventional wisdom is that women focus on independence, sexual freedom, and using men. In the process, women ignore their natural and inborn ability, unique female blessing, and personal strength. It weakens feminine superiority and strengthens masculine dominance; that seems of little concern to women which is another part of their captivation by conventional wisdom.

Men devalued by women find ways to win in the end. Men do not lose to the weaker sex, and modern female tactics make women weaker and men more determined to win than ever before.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Fickle female, How she loses, marriage, Sociology 101