Category Archives: The mind

2752. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 04 His Battle of the Sexes


In a husband’s mind, he won the Battle of the Sexes when he proposed marriage. She became his when she accepted what he offered. If not conquered before, the wedding night confirmed conquest. No battles left to fight or even disagree; he’s in charge but innocent of what wife has likely laid out for the days ahead.

It means that whatever battles ensue are most likely caused by wife’s desire to make things different than existed in premarital times. He marries expecting to continue as before and for her not to change, but she does. She marries expecting him to change, but he won’t. He continues his presence by filling his premarital role. She continues her presence with him with thoughts of fulfilling whatever her marital dreams have become.

His marital expectations arise automatically out of natural dominance, his commitment to obligations for which he accepts responsibility, and conviction that their relationship is steady and in no need of change. From day one, their marriage is okay, so he seeks few or no changes. The marriage runs well as is. He envisions none of the changes or improvements that she intends to make.

A man’s interest in marriage can be boiled down to one specific objective. Is he satisfied with who and what he is and who he does it with? Regardless of what she does and who she is, is he satisfied with her, living with her, and thus satisfied with his marriage? He may or may not be happy as she visualizes it, but his satisfaction with himself is more important anyway.

He bundles his mind and heart into marriage. His attitude reflects that he perceives things to be somewhat like the list below. Perception is reality; whatever appears to be, is, and so he acts accordingly. Here’s a ten-pack bundle about how the male nature works as the result of being born different from women.

  1. If she’s smiling, all is well with her. If she frowns or complains, he blames himself. He’s responsible to keep the marriage going well, but he takes personal her complaints about it. Men don’t easily accept blame or guilt from their mate. Unless his desire to please her exceeds his desire to get his way for each incident, he responds defensively, shifts to offense, and institutes competition with every intent to win. (He can’t win without her losing and vice versa once competition arises.)
  2. He’s the ultimate boss but she’s the governor over marital matters. Her authority to act on their behalf rests with his respect that she earned previously or on the job as wife. Even more so than his love of her, which makes it hard for her to both understand and accept. (He works with his mind and she works with her heart to win battles.)
  3. Their relationship is okay as is, so nothing needs managing. A relationship is good or bad, on or off, yes or no, okay or not. To him, no need to fix anything, because he can’t comprehend how except that it’s her fault and for her to correct herself. It may not be the final outcome, but that’s where his thinking begins (and competition worsens it for wife).
  4. She’s free and expected to handle those things of which he has little or no interest.
  5. He’ll let her know when things aren’t right or acceptable. Direct is his strong suit for he expects her to follow his lead. (Indirect is her strength for she finds him willing to please when she leads indirectly.)
  6. He accepted her competing with him before they married, but he expects no more of it—just her cooperation as needed.
  7. He owns their sexual agenda. Convenience, frequency, willingness, and readiness are expected. Lack of welcomeness insults him.
  8. He expects her respect, gratitude, and dependence on him for producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving. It’s his primary role in marriage.
  9. He expects her to remain his bride for life. He can accept aging as cause of changes, but her careless changes in appearance and habits disappoint him unless he endorses them specifically.
  10. He doesn’t view love as the glue of their marriage. Satisfaction with her likeability is more glue-worthy with him. Her presence outweighs her love offerings, which are great, however, to confirm her loyalty (and make her feel extra good).

It happens easily for new brides. She feels shortchanged by his actions that don’t promote her importance in their life together, such as lack of attention, affection, and appreciation. He harbors the view that he paid her price to win her, what more does she expect? Whatever he showed before marriage was part of the price he paid to win her hand. Men view such special considerations necessary before but not necessarily after marriage; she’s easy to take for granted once he’s won her over to his side.

A husband’s battle of the sexes is to prevent changes to their marital arrangement that cause dissatisfaction with who he is, what he does, and who he does it with. If wife can alter marital arrangements without dissatisfying him in the process, she can probably have her way in most matters.

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2751. The Incompetent Patient


For the last six days medical experts worked conscientiously to keep ahead of me and my aged habits while in their custody. I continue the mentally aging reversal into my childhood, and I’m determined it will be more fun than embarrassment and discouragement. It’s an amazing journey for me, but I have to raise all the fun.

So, that’s the story line. This is my report to blog readers amid reflections of my gratitude to the medical professionals at Memorial Hospital in Charleston, West Virginia.

I learned so much; mostly all new to me.

  1. As a doctor pushes a tube into my lung cavity a few inches from left nipple, the pain on a 1-10 scale temporarily but repeatedly rings the 15 bell. He used only a local anesthetic but local compensation helps. I’m surrounded by a gaggle of pretty nurses whose smiling faces cushion every pain until it subsides. It’s amazing that women don’t recognize how their smiles tell a man that all is okay at her end, so he can relax. If all is okay with her, no blame attaches to him. (Wives take notice.) Conclusion: A pretty smiling female face shrinks and shortens pain and helps convince one to relax and breathe in the nose and out the mouth.
  2. Living through my reversal into childhood, moans and verbal exclamations of pain help as they did when young. As a child, I didn’t know the impact my noises made; today I don’t care. However, then I recognize that guys don’t show weakness before gals, and that too attenuates my pain. As a child I wanted to complain; as an adult I hide my shame by reducing the moans and groans. Just the thoughts work to help hide the pain.

I’m so grateful for the smiling faces in the ER, especially the lady, Brandi, who convinced me ahead of time that it would be uncomfortable rather than painful. When I found out the difference, I couldn’t hold it against her; she was too pretty. I’m convinced that’s why God made all women pretty in their hearts. She can ease the pain of her man as needed (and as long as revenge doesn’t stir her heart).

  1. Next came the ICU and a new set of adventures. Five nights there and I made a disaster of the room three different times with three different nurses. All were men but I think it more coincidental than selective; I wouldn’t discriminate against them, but I probably would have been less adventurous and more circumspect if a gal had the duty with me that night. Seriously, better and more conscientious men I’ve not met for years. I couldn’t believe their calm demeanor recovering from my disturbances made while alone and flustered with urges to relieve urges upon urges upon what to do now. Who needs help with simple matters any man should handle for himself, such as don’t pee on the floor?

Three different nights. The men were Chuck, Nolen, and Ed. If I had a business of almost any kind and in need of professional conscientiousness, I’d try to hire them. Other noteworthy guys included Jason, Joey, Davon, and Chris.

Highly effectve at whatever they tackle or do. The gal nurses were also effective because of superior conscientiousness and, more later, good leadership. They included: Andrea, Lisa, Jessica, Jennifer, and Brianna.

  1. Next step was an overnight before checkout with more pretty faces to enjoy. Jenny, Sarah, Sally, Jessica, Carolina. I did not tear up the room either, just the bed and the floor. Conscientiousness and devotion to duty filled everyone of them, and I truly relished the enjoyment they brought me.
  2. I say enjoyment they all brought me. For decades I’ve been a student and teacher of leadership and management. I look for how an organization functions and assess its leadership. The attitude, morale, and conscientious functioning of the nurses at Memorial are the result of good or better leadership that spreads like an encouraging epidemic of good will and intent, which are precursors of good care. IOW, everyone works together so well their individual worth shoots skyward, which represents how I was treated for six days.

Individuals shine because they have a good place and way to show off their abilities—and, I have to add, their professional personalities, which I use to measure competence and effectiveness.

In the room I was incompetent and generated more work for the nurses. I’m grateful they were able to restore me—with every sign of forgiveness—to competence for my expected life at home. What a great batch of representatives of their profession.

For blog readers, I developed these thoughts to inject into blog material.

  • Silence in the face of a man’s accomplishments is the bedfellow of disrespect.
  • Silence in the face of a woman’s intentions and efforts rings as lack of her importance.

Finally, I struck both relationship gold and new blog material when I turned into Charleston Memorial Hospital.

Guy

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2747. Life Made Simpler for Women — 14


  1. Her virtues are the primary influence for keeping husband in her life. He takes advantage of her admirable qualities to support his ambitions, facilitate his accomplishments, and satisfy his agenda with her. If he can’t admire how and what she is and does, his interest wanes.
  2. As they do early in life, women keep their man satisfied in old age with feminine likeability and loyalty. He didn’t back in the day, and he still doesn’t want someone other than he married—or to live by himself. He appreciates her features and habits that remain from her courtship and bridal glory, so he can age with her rather than someone else that she has become.
  3. Older wives, heads up! Men do not change to get what they want with a woman, but they will change to keep what they have.
  4. Younger women will change to please their man; older women will not. Men can’t realize and appreciate all an early wife has to offer him. It takes years before a husband discovers how much he appreciates what his wife delivers through love of him, gratefulness for herself, and dedication to their arrangement for living together.
  5. It’s not obvious, but hormonal changes morph men and women into different roles later in life. A man’s ambitions wane from lack of opportunity or ability to accomplish. His woman’s ambitions rise on prospects of grandchildren and need for new thinking to brighten the future.
  6. A man absorbed with conquering much younger women is a man married to his own adolescent self. An adultolescent or control freak! Such men don’t mate well, permanently that is.
  7. Men don’t compete with their woman. They avoid it or render a dominant decision to prevent or stop it. They do so because it contradicts their dominant nature if they lose to a weaker person, male or female.

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2743. Sexual Relations and the Male Mind


Not surprisingly, sexual relations affects a man’s mind very differently from the minds of women. We shall look at vaginal intercourse, cunnilingus, fellatio, and irregular forms as their effects apply to couples living together. (Players and singles are motivated by other interests, and so the following may or may not apply.)

For simplicity, allow me to reduce vaginal intercourse to two kinds as viewed by the female mind. Lovemaking at its most and least satisfying for women.

Most Satisfying. Vaginal intercourse preceded by enough foreplay and followed by intimate afterplay make a love object of a man’s woman, as she recognizes it. If done effectively to meet her expectations, she longs for more. It confirms her importance as mate and gratitude as love object—‘I’m still attractive and he loves me’.

Springing automatically from each urge to merge with his mate, a loving and knowledgeable man demonstrates his devotion, respect, and her worth. Life with her and satisfaction with himself combine to motivate him to do well. He seeks to please her for the sake of satisfying himself that she deserves his best effort doing what he promised her, his love. As his loyal and exclusive love interest, her naked presence energizes him to exploit his responsibility, do his duty and do it well. He recognizes that she alone is qualified to asses his performance. His actions confirm her importance to him, and she admires him for demonstrating it.

So long, that is, as her feedback in no way questions his techniques, competence, or results. Given negative feedback on such sensitive subjects, a man loses interest in his mate and seeks satisfaction elsewhere. If she doesn’t inspire him with her satisfaction, his lovemaking efforts diminish with loss of self-respect and her loyalty to him alone becomes suspect.

The more time he devotes to each event, especially post-coital holding, the more likely he gets better and she appreciates his prowess. His likeability in her eyes for gently playing with her body energizes him to spend more time at it. The more sincerely enjoyable to her, the greater his inspiration to keep her that way. Any lack of her enjoyment drives a man to take short cuts, be more efficient and usually leads to less foreplay, afterplay, and intimate holding.

For the same unselfish reasons, a man performs cunnilingus and reinforces in her mind that he treasures her. His giving of himself out of respect and love to please her is the direct opposite of her giving fellatio, shown below.

Least Satisfying. Not all men are in relationships that inspire and motivate such extensive and satisfying lovemaking. Not all women know how to cultivate that mindset in themselves and their mate. So, let’s ignore any shortened versions of lovemaking and presume vaginal intercourse alone as the only other option that prevails between mates.

For the woman, the least satisfying vaginal intercourse comes when the man pleases himself with little or no regard for pleasing her. Foreplay, afterplay, and intimacy are weak or missing. His duty is to himself and he selfishly fulfills it. Poke, come, and go! If she’s pleasured too, it’s a bonus. The effect on the male mind confirms that she’s useful but not necessary to keep around.

OTOH, the attractions that keep a couple together are enshrouded in the connections, comforts, pleasantries, and compatible practices embedded in the most satisfying version of vaginal intercourse above.

Fellatio and irregular forms of sexual relations reduce women to under appreciated sex objects. Many men come to prefer the symbol of their dominance to providing satisfying vaginal intercourse. That is, fellatio outranks intercourse in the hearts of some men, especially the control-types.

Women victimized by fellatio and irregular forms yearn for but can find little or no manly respect. They become subjects of selfishly inspired male dominance; fellatio confirms a man’s worth as dominator. It is the ultimate confirmation that she’s dominated in matters of importance to her man. Trying to get her way with him, she finds that her ideas and suggestions have less merit than before she gave fellatio.

In law, penetration is sufficient to prove rape. In relationships, penetration of mouth is sufficient to prove dominance. In dominance, those looked down on and made submissive are not respected very highly. Those dominated in marriage face this. Imbalance in mutual respect leads to incompatibility, which leads to a dissatisfied wife and a man made more prone to infidelity.

The minds of both sexes are impacted and shaped by sexual relations. The most satisfying vaginal intercourse satisfies women. The least satisfying for women mostly affects the male ego. Fellatio and other forms turn women into victims of male dominance. Not so much what women do as to the effect it has on the male mind; that of not respecting those they dominate. And a man’s love is first founded on respect, or his love doesn’t develop fully.

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2740. Disclosure Drowns Her Mystique — II


Via another media to me, a lady asked for my input about this quote.

“Btw, Sir Guy, there is some dating advice out there that says that in order to connect deeply with a man’s heart we need to show our vulnerable side…our feelings. Men live in their heads so to connect with their hearts they need a woman who is connected to hers. We are supposed to speak in ‘feeling messages’ like ‘that film made me feel really nostalgic” – etc. What is your take on this?”

Section I — My response that it is garbage is posted at 2739.

Section II

The lady who sent “connect deeply with a man’s heart” got the idea at a dating website. It’s aimed politically, fashioned out of feminist propaganda as dating advice, and used to loosen moral values and lower standards. Women should never think they can connect that way. It misleads and is more imagination than reality regardless of the feelings they disclose to a man.

The way to a man’s heart is through his mind. Once he believes something deeply in his mind, his heart absorbs it. New beliefs inspire new actions, but much time can pass before his beliefs match his various ambitions.

Example: Just loving a woman does not inspire him to religiously, frequently, and routinely show it. Men are different. Unlike women, a man’s love is not the ultimate motivator in his life. So, it’s natural that women never hear enough of their man’s love.

The way into a man’s mind is this. He converts a woman’s indirect actions and patient attitude into something he wants to believe. He figures her out more than he believes direct expressions of her opinions and expectations.

Indirectly, she hints and plants seeds that reveal she’s thinking of the future. It makes her easier to believe than imposing her ideas, opinions, and expectations in the present. By yielding the present to him and making time work for her, he sees or imagines actions that add credibility to his beliefs about her.

As his beliefs grow and solidify, they slip gently into his heart. His belief in her likeability, loyalty, and his devotion to her, and it all slips into his heart. His love of her emerges to his mind, although he is probably reluctant to express it.

If he is being sincere, a young man is reluctant to talk about what’s in his heart. It forces women to judge him more by what he does than what he says. As he lives awhile with a woman or as he ages, it becomes much easier to reveal his heart. It’s another reason women are endowed with so much patience, hope, and self-gratitude. Their major rewards for having lived a good life come late in life.

In the final analysis, women not only can’t connect directly with a man’s heart, they have immense problems just trying to uncover what resides there.

An exception exists but few women uncover it. It reveals itself over the years as a good wife becomes a great woman. So great, in fact, husband’s devotion magnifies productively in favor of both her and their life together.

He’s satisfied with who he is and what he does to promote her mental well-being and their marriage. He’s also mystified by how she has become a femininely smooth but internally tough woman who is extremely satisfying to him and gratified with herself. Her super willingness to share her love spikes the punch bowl of harmony. She injects widespread respect and gratitude throughout her nest, the relationships she governs, and their marriage for which he holds himself responsible; she makes him appear very successful.

It takes that kind of wife for husband to transmute lovable thoughts into deep heartfelt emotions. With little apparent effort over the passing years, she seals his life in a complimentary cocoon spun with love, aka respect and gratitude. Only a very good woman can earn the pleasure of seeing her man so pleased with her that he acknowledges proudly that he is the product of her doing. (Or perhaps undoing if he was in need of some kind of makeover and drinking comes to mind.)

Now that, ladies, is what it takes to energize the deepest part of a man’s heart. She should be too modest to ever claim it, but he is eager to give her all the credit for who he has become. Wife has significantly helped upgrade his self-respect to the extent that he brags in public about the credit due her.

No man is luckier, no woman is pluckier. All she did was maximize what God gave her: determination to be compatible, courage to live by her heart, fortitude to get her way, pluck to preserve her mystery and modesty, expertise to manage relationships to work for her benefit, and flexible ability to keep him satisfied with who and what he is and has become.

It became her one-woman show, and she got both her way and reward late in life. She accepts her grandchildren in lieu of curtain call.

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2728. More About Aging — Hide Her Flaws?


Seemingly disconnected, certain female habits improve both self-respect and respect for men in a woman’s heart. This post is about one feminine decision that can do much more than social media to produce success and satisfaction in the lives of women.

We all do what makes us feel good about ourselves, and so women try to look younger. They seem captivated by this notion. ‘The better I can fix up to please myself, the younger I appear and the more I appeal to men’.

However, given the nature of men, it’s a misleading scheme. While highly attractive for a gal to appear younger, neither sex nor her younger appearance bond a man and keep him for life. A younger female shape and appearance are marvelous attractions, but they don’t hold a man. (Except those adult men who haven’t escaped teenage values, expectations, and ambitions. That is, adultolescents who also seek to impose greater control over their woman and improve their reputation among fellow competitors.)

Women are famous for disguising wrinkles, hiding flaws, and otherwise supporting the cosmetics industry. Unintended, they spur capitalism and that’s great for all of us. However, they apparently possess an incomplete view of what they do. Whom do they aim to please by looking younger? Themselves or others? Deciding those questions provides a more complete view of the look-younger process.

Most women make themselves look younger specifically for the sake of looking younger. Please their own ego. They expect to be dealt with as younger gals; they earned it by hard work. However, it brings on defeats and frustrations with the cause unrecognized.

A woman’s man-hunting prospects increase dramatically if she takes another strategy. Instead of just pleasing her own eyes, she improves and promotes her overall attractiveness in the eyes of men. And she does it daily; comfort and convenience give way to new objectives.

She transforms her attractiveness to produce beauty in the eyes of many men, out of which a few will succumb to her ambition. The more who succumb, the more options she has to recruit one, develop a relationship with permanence as goal, develop mutual gratitude, and thus develop happiness for the rest of her life.

She makes herself look more reliably attractive to men roughly her own age, one of whom she hopes to capture and keep. By doing so, she shows more respect for men, and she cancels out the disadvantages of younger for the sake of younger. She replaces her selfish expectations with youthful but sensible allure that men can appreciate better than young and immature.

Mature men understand and accept aging as normal, so women should specialize at making themselves in all respects prettier for the guys about their age. Aim her efforts to appear modestly younger at the best prospects among those her age. Don’t downgrade herself to have more men to choose from. Instead, aim mature thoughts at men interested in these: devoted friend, flexible companion, accommodating sex partner, great listener, admirable loyalty, advocate of family harmony, non-complainer, dependence on what he does, and especially understanding competing responsibilities in wife/mother roles.

Focusing strictly on prevention of aging, women find frustrating results that produce strong incentive to continually try harder. They shouldn’t stop trying but do it aimed at men their own age. No one man in particular until he’s her husband.

 

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2727. More About Aging — Background


When it comes to aging, women have an unproductive view of life. Mindful that younger woman usually gets the man—unnatural though it is for keeps—overly age-conscious women help make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. They adopt many bad habits for keeping a man as they self-develop under the influence of radical politics.

More on this later, but older women don’t change to please a man. Perhaps that’s another reason younger women appeal to men?

——

This is primarily background material but it will help with the specifics that will follow in the next few days.

Feminism continues to generate a humongous respect gap between the sexes. It also reduces true self-respect to rubble within the hearts of females and replaces it with false self-respect based on disrespect for the opposite sex. Hidden beneath the turmoil of feminist politics, the lack of internal, one-way, and mutual respect darkens the social and domestic atmospheres for both sexes.

Men object but nobody listens. To compensate the anger and complaints of men about feminist nonsense applied to personal relationships, women buy masculine accommodation with cheap and easy sex. Many men retain anger, however, and avoid accepting the propriety and well-deserved political, legal, and economic gains of women.

It was all planned and executed through feminist politics, legal and administrative entanglements, and economic transfer of power. Women won in those wars that occurred outside of personal relationships. But individual women lose their superior gender advantage to the extent they bring feminist-think and -values into their relationship as a couple.

You can see damage to the female psyche as so many women in middle and older age float in public minus a wedding ring. Where do all the good men end up? They are chased off by women who could not or do not respect the man they capture, and who expect husbands to recognize that women are right, men are to blame, and husbands should listen to wife complain about all that’s wrong. IOW, ex-wives tried to make husbands act different from their nature and load them down verbally with anti-masculine crap. In that way they expected to make husband a better man in their feminist-oriented, propagandized mindset.

The feminist influence ignores or condemns these inflexible traits of men. A man will not long remain in a marriage in which he is not satisfied with who he is, what he is doing, and who he is doing it with. Also, men don’t change to get what they want, although they will change to keep what they have. OTOH, women will change to get what they want, although they will not change to keep what they have. The feminist effect seeks to reverse those natural roles and men continue to quietly rebel in background to the disadvantage and often abuse of women.

Both are born and want to get their way. He expects to dominate in the present and isn’t too concerned about the future; he can handle whatever comes down the turnpike of life. She can’t get her way in the present and still keep him with her. So, if she keeps her focus on their future together and patiently awaits getting her way, she opens the door to keeping him with her.

So, as modern women marry with the conviction they can quickly get their man more aligned with wife’s thoughts and ideas, they sound the death knell to the relationship. One designed so elaborately by her to make her feel good about herself but done without regard for the emotional acceptability by husband.

It translates into this. She can change to get what she wants, which usually is a continuing relationship. He won’t change for that. He will change, however, to keep her if she learns to keep him. It’s where aging becomes so valuable. A husband consumes years of faithful allegiance before he fully appreciates his wife’s admirable qualities to the extent that he doesn’t want to lose her, and for which he will usually change to keep her.

Next, women focus on the wrong thing when they mask wrinkles and hide flaws for the purpose of disguising aging and hope of looking younger. It makes sense, but does it serve her best?

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