Category Archives: The mind

2846, Love is Never Enough — 13: A Mixture of What Works


I’m always making lists. I made the following as spillovers of female goodness and don’t know what to do except post it. Women can’t relate well enough to know how to use it, but each item makes a favorable impact on the male nature and keeping a husband.

  1. She doesn’t expect more from him than she extends herself. She’s the major giver, and he’s the major taker until he learns that he enjoys caring and pleasing her pleases him, and his behavior shifts toward her favor.
  2. Her almost perpetual smiling countenance suggests all is well with her so it must be okay with him. It also helps confirm the sincerity of her love.
  3. Her lack of complaining suggests all is well with him. His shortcomings are typically identified that way, or so he interprets her complaints (explained in footnote*).
  4. Her excitement about sex with him is far superior to his enjoyment of the frequent and convenient availability of it. As romantic love and his sex drive fade, reminders of her excitement adds much sincerity to her expressions of love.
  5. Her sense of charity keeps her from criticizing, yelling, or otherwise getting in his face to make her points.
  6. Her delightful attitude makes her man smile, because she’s energized by that spirit.
  7. Her faith in self and him as couple tends to weld them together.
  8. Her frequent evidence of trust of him energizes his greater respect of her.
  9. Her frequent but not smothering expressions of love seal her likeability to him.
  10. Her female goodness sets a shining example to all they contact.
  11. Her ability to manage their relationship satisfies him that he chose the right woman.
  12. Her affection for him, if not overdone, amplifies her likeability without boring him.
  13. Her chaste behavior promotes his belief that she’s mostly loyal and, therefore, faithful.
  14. Her faithfulness and trust inspires him to follow her example.
  15. Her gentleness invites him to seek comfort with her.
  16. Her habitual neatness displays attractive standards and inspires others to be more like her. Not necessarily the same neatness but copy her other qualities. By inspiring others to copy her, his admiration and respect for her grow.
  17. Her hope brightens their future together.
  18. Her joyful cheeriness inspires greater hope and suppresses many urges he may have to quit her for work or someone else.
  19. Her modest, mysterious, and feminine nature confirms that she’s unique from other women.
  20. Her modest display of her body and discouragement of flirting symbolizes fidelity to him.
  21. Her open endorsement of chastity and monogamous love confirms her loyalty as part of their role together.
  22. Her patience calms the waters of frustration for her and him.
  23. Her physical attractiveness keeps his eyes focused on her more than others.
  24. Her steadfastness of character as strong person prevents her complaining.
  25. Her strength of character earns his admiration.
  26. Her thoughtfulness displays her gratitude for others, especially him.
  27. Her trust in him promotes his belief in her.
  28. Her unselfishness spreads as a character quality that he admires.
  29. Her eagerness to listen to him reinforces his respect of her.
  30. Her personal selfishness is removed from their lives, as soon as he picks up on her indirect promotion of being generous as a couple.
  31. Her receptiveness to his ideas without finding fault confirms his worth to her. (If and when execution of a plan of his threatens failure, she must be absolutely certain before she competes to get her way. Even then it’s dangerous for them as a couple.)
  32. Her respect of him energizes greater trust of her.
  33. She becomes a better woman by living up to someone higher than herself—law, God, and her mate—in high hopes that she will become a better woman and, without her applying pressure, he will become a better man.
  34. She carries a happy spirit that spreads infectiously and uplifts his spirits.
  35. She confirms her strong sense of cooperation by submitting when its appropriate, and thus confirms his leadership role.
  36. She finds such gratefulness in herself that he likes himself for just being with her.
  37. She hints that his worth goes up in her eyes when he does good things for her and others.
  38. She keeps the body shape that he proposed to so that he doesn’t tire of changes in her appearance.
  39. She promotes her sexual attractiveness discretely but modestly and solely for his enjoyment.
  40. She tries extra hard to forget his faults that she more easily forgives.
  41. She finds a way to develop enduring love as romantic love fades away in a year or two.
  42. Finally, and most importantly, she keeps him satisfied with himself that he chose properly by teaming up with her. (When she does that, she earns the privilege of getting her way in many other matters such as managing home and relationship.)

Those female behaviors have beneficial effects on husbands and promote a couple’s staying together. If she can’t live that way, can’t form such habits, she at least needs enough of something other than her love that makes her man satisfied with himself living with her.

If he’s not a better man for involving himself with her, she’s not doing things to fortify their togetherness. In which case, she’s not the good woman that a satisfied husband brags about mostly behind her back or mostly late in life. If he can’t be proud of her as mate, he can’t be satisfied that she’s the right woman for him.

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*Regarding explanation of item 3. In the back of husband’s mind is the conviction that he’s responsible for the marriage. But he turns operation of the home and relationship management over to wife. Now, if she complains, she must not be able to handle her affairs of heart and home, and so he’s left to be responsible. Her complaints land as guilt in his mind, and men don’t handle guilt very well. In fact, they mostly shun or forget it, and her complaints just make her look bad.

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2841. ATTENTION, LADIES


It’s a self-defeating cycle of dying interest. Living almost as a hermit, I get fewer comments and questions from readers and have less to respond about modern people and how they are motivated. Reacting to keep my mind functioning, I spend more time on articles that have little to do with your lives in the relationship trenches.

I don’t know the answer, but I’m running out of steam. May I suggest that readers spend more time on older rather than newer articles. It may revitalize our comment activity and focus me more clearly on your lives on the battlefield.

Guy

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2823. Love is Never Enough — 03: Love of Children


Theme. As they are born, love differs by sex. It originates differently, is perceived differently than intended, and the effects match neither cause nor intentions of the giver, except in childhood, that is.

Women have two kinds of love to give. Mother love is ignited by confirmation of conception and magnifies upon delivery of her first born. It is unconditional and lasts for life. (It’s also the unique motivator that matches the male’s unique motivator to conquer the next available female. Neither gender has anything else to compare in intensity, dedication, and longevity, but those two motivators are enough to perpetuate the species as God designed us. Oh, perhaps the randomness of Nature developed our species to not die off, but with only two main motivators? Two motivators that click so easily and uniquely last for life seems more design than evolution to me. )

A woman’s main form of female love flows easily from the self-love she inherits at birth and is willing to share. Usually she shares it freely, because doing so makes her feel good about herself. However, it is conditional and dependent on whomever a woman thinks deserves her affection and appreciation.* She dispenses it at her pleasure, sometimes just to feel good about herself.

Effect on men. Female love has a different effect on males depending on their age group — child, adolescent, or adult.

As a child, mother love embellishes a kid’s self-development according to her instinctive determination of need. The child’s reactions, however, differ by sex. Girls appreciate nurturing mother love, because it aids development of self-respect missing at birth; it tends to make girls defend themselves sexually and want to duplicate mother as they grow up.

Boys are another matter. Mother love expands a boy’s appreciation of himself, and tends to promote growth of self-love missing at birth; it aids his desire and development toward being more manly like his father. By sharing her conditional love after first grade, mothers wean boys off of mother love, which begins to be too nurturing and unacceptable to boys after about their sixth or seventh birthday.

As an adolescent, the nurturing nature of mother love makes it unacceptable to teens of both sexes. They assume the role of adult in miniature form and expect to succeed without nurturing assistance, unless they ask for it.

Teen girls possess the conviction that they should spread their love and likeable boys are the sweetest targets. Girls pursue boys persistently, because loving another provides the fresh realization that they are growing successfully toward womanhood. Women love men and so teen girls prepare with an early start to prove how great their love can be. It’s a premature offshoot of their instinctive adult motivation to be a good woman.

Boys do not love girls. They neither understand the females’ loving ways nor want to put up with it except as it leads to sex. Teen boys, after puberty and until they mature about age 21, are in the business of figuring out how to keep themselves satisfied with themselves as life develops around them.

Pursuit of sex with girls is a welcome sport. It’s a diversion, however, from maturing faster. Teens figure things out faster by generating success in their lives. If they find too much success bedding girls, they continue into adulthood with an adolescent mindset to keep bedding females. Physically mature, mentally adolescent.

Adolescents do not love girls, because men do not love women as women expect they do or should. IOW, male love is nowhere near identical to female love. The closest a man’s love comes to a woman’s is how he is devoted to her as admirable action figure. Teen boys are little men trying to figure out how to master a higher skill level that calls for mating up sometime with a woman. Each does so efficiently without giving up too much of himself. Meanwhile, women compete with potential mates to expand the ‘too much’ part, to make a man invest himself more deeply in order to capture and hold her heart.

The effect of female love on adult men is next.

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*Female love includes many other warming and pleasant emotions, but for simplicity here, I let affection and appreciation stand for all the others.

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2813. IT’S ALL RELATIVE


The purpose of money is your convenience. The purpose of a job is earning your money. Convenience makes appointments and job obligations easier to fulfill.

The clock enables you to schedule your life reliably and teach others to rely on you. By doing so, others make their lives easier and as reliable as you try to make yours.

The result of national wealth is prosperity at your level. Wealth builds as we become more productive creatures; that is, by increasing productivity, aka more output per individual in producing something of value to another. The more that personal schedules fail to provide convenience to others, the less convenient their schedules. The less convenient our schedules, the less productive we become, the less wealth grows, and the less prosperity is available and convenient in home and wallet.

OTOH, as productivity declines, wealth shrinks and causes prosperity to decline. It causes jobs to shrink in number and family budgets to shrink, which reduces the convenience available to couples. It’s another cost to our prosperity induced by Feminism and continued by women grown sloppy in their habits of making and sticking religiously to their own schedules and those of others. Who suffers the most from reduced prosperity? Women and children!

A female habit developed over the past few decades, gained new intensity from the pressures of social media. It now spreads as toxic fumes for business by the Millennial generation. Women have trouble departing whomever they are with at any given moment. As if magnetized, present associates rank higher than those to whom they’re obligated next in their schedule. Tardy for work or appointments is epidemic, and disrespect of others parallels it with equal intensity.

Gals can’t depart present-moment associates—connected by either face or phone—to keep appointments or get to work on time. In the name of children, family, health, accidents, and traffic, any disruption to the lives of others is deemed excusable. Alibis and excuses flourish, and women waste their imaginative talent for lies and distortions.

Being tardy or absent delivers disrespect for others; it inconveniences them to make things convenient for you. However you minimize or deny it, your inconsiderate disruption of their thoughts and schedules generates need for them to adjust, and it sponges them with your disrespect for whatever role they fill in your life.

Women expect tardiness or absence to be excused by good intentions for child care, stable alibis such as monthly period, and routine excuses such as traffic. Unrevealed is lost time deeply involved in social media, where the clock can and is likely disregarded.

Women think all is well, if they fully explain themselves. They expect to be forgiven for the disrespect they show those to whom they don’t show as scheduled. To avoid being called hypocrites, Womanhood sticks together. They don’t judge others who do the same things, and women expect someone else to pay the cost of the convenience they gain with tardiness or absence.

Consequently, the epidemic spreads contagiously because no one treats the disease. Personal convenience comes at the cost of others. It’s much easier for women than men to accept such undeserved gifts.

The bellwether of national wealth fades. IOW productivity declines and wealth shrinks. As wealth shrinks, prosperity declines. As prosperity declines, jobs shrink in number and family budgets shrink in convenience. It’s another cost to our prosperity induced by women and Feminism. Who suffers the most from reduced prosperity? Women and children.

Being tardy or absent delivers disrespect for others; it inconveniences them to make things convenient for you. However you minimize or deny it, your inconsiderate disruption of their thoughts and schedules generates need for them to adjust, and it sponges them with disrespect for whatever role they fill in your life.

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2811. A Special Recap for an Upcoming Bride: Love


Her Highness CartieB, with questions at post 2808, inspired this series in four-parts: compatible, purpose, love, and sex — i.e., posts 2809-2812.

LOVE. The sexes are generally born as described below. However, individuals modify and intensify their lives variously by lessons learned growing up.

The multiple expressions of womanly love can be described in four forms. 1) Romantic love, the offspring of infatuation, fades a year or two after a couple’s first sex together. 2) Enduring deep affection with romance embedded, and 3) enduring love for people and things without romantic connections, both of which reward a woman just by its presence in her heart. 4) Mother love sprouts anew and unconditionally after giving birth to each child.

Men have one highly complex form of loving a woman, mate, or wife. Founded on his respect that she has to earn, his devotion grows from his dedication to please her and habit of pleasing himself by pleasing her. Her personal likeability enhances his devotion and he senses pleasure when in her presence.

Complementing that with self-interest, logic, and reason, and her expected loyalty to him alone, he convinces himself that he can be more satisfied living with her than satisfied with himself living alone. It’s the revelation point; he admits to himself that she’s the one to fit into his life, and he decides to propose.

It’s a one-time moment and a man’s version of true love. He convinces himself that he will be more satisfied living with her than with himself or someone else. IOW, admitting true love to himself IS his willingness to commit. He proposes, thereby blindly accepts responsibility for generating success in their marriage, and trusts that his bride will govern their arrangement such that he remains satisfied with himself for marrying her.

Note what’s absent above, her love of him. While her love confirms that he’s worthy of her , it’s less for him and not the convincer or persuader she hopes for. Her love adds to her personal likeability, reinforces his likeability to her, and helps sustain his conviction that she will remain faithful to him. All of which grow a man’s love. But her love of him, however wonderfully she feels convincing him of it, isn’t nearly enough to keep him as she hopes and prays.

Two factors outrank and override both her love of him and good sex as predictors of their future together: 1) His devotion to her. 2) His satisfaction with himself living with her. Without one or both, she’s temporary.

The following dissolves any and all glues shown above and guarantees a couple’s togetherness will end sooner or later: blame, guilt, frustrations, criticisms, irritants, and belittling remarks aimed at husband.

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2810. A Special Recap for an Upcoming Bride: Purpose


Her Highness CartieB, with questions at post 2808, inspired this series in four-parts: compatible, purpose, love, and sex — i.e., posts 2809-2812.

PURPOSE. The sexes are generally born as described below. However, individuals modify and intensify their lives variously by lessons learned growing up.

A woman lives to fulfill herself as a good woman; she aches to be good and usually expects better. Hopeful of being happy—but not always able to stick to a regimen that keeps her feeling both good about herself and about doing good—she routinely falls out of grace with herself.

Much weaker than men in self-respect, she finds it essential to use self-love and love of others to make herself happy and on a steady course of life. She feels good about herself and senses that she does good; whenever, that is, she demonstrates love and gratitude for someone else. Also, her desire for goodness for its own sake pressures her to focus primarily on the future. She plans ahead, because conviction of being happy is temporary and her goodness is usually a little shy of achievement. Example: Tomorrow’s tasks and events have already been worked out in her mind, so she can sleep tonight.

On the road to goodness, she’s motivated to continually maintain the sense of self-importance that is confirmed to her by those around her and for whom she shows gratitude for their presence.

A man lives to primarily keep himself satisfied with himself; secondarily he keeps himself satisfied living with someone else or with whomever he associates. His focus primarily aims at the present, mostly because of the motivational importance of the verb keep. To keep himself satisfied with himself, a man is energized by the inborn need of self-admiration, which energizes him to work, to do, to accomplish, to achieve.

Focused on being satisfied with himself makes husband an easy tool in his wife’s hands. No need for perfection or her outlandish effort. She only needs to read him accurately and keep him satisfied with who she is and what she does. That’s enough to keep him satisfied for having married her. If he’s satisfied living with her, he didn’t make a mistake when he proposed, and that is both a self-satisfying conviction and a major producer and supporter of long-running compatibility.

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2809. A Special Recap for an Upcoming Bride: Compatible


Her Highness CartieB, with questions at post 2808, inspired this series in four-parts: compatible, purpose, love, and sex — i.e., posts 2809-2812.

COMPATIBLE. The sexes are born this way, but usually change quite a bit from lessons learned growing up.

Both sexes are born genetically and hormonally capable of living compatibly with a mate. Husband is responsible overall, but wife works out the details that generate success. Also, both spouses are born to get their way when associating with others, and it makes competition the first motivator within individual self-interest.

Women react differently to competition. Before they yield sex first time with each man, they compete to protect their virtue, preserve their dignity, and keep their husbandly candidate trying harder to prove his worth to her. IOW, win her. After she yields sex the first time, both he and she expect that her role is no longer competitive but cooperative.

Were it not for lessons learned that contradict their respective natures, men and women would likely be motivated to live together much more compatibly, comfortably, and longer. IOW, the more masculine he is and she respects him for it, the more feminine she is and he honors her for it, then the more likely their life together will not end in separation. Her respect and his honor, both generously exhibited, make a strong glue.

Moreover, compatibility is strengthened by how men and women differ in three natural and hormone-driven traits: purpose in life, love, and sex drive, each addressed in a new post.

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