2210. Hits: What Happens in Background?

In JHS, HS, college, and USN, I was the target or observed others rebuffed pleasantly or outright rejected for hitting on girls and women. Thinking on it now enables me to understand what’s happening in background mode. Much of it originates out of default beliefs inherited at birth by two very different sexes.

For this segment I define ‘hit’ as uninvited, unwanted, or overly bold intrusion or invitation, including those that you may find desirable once it happens. Some may offend, others may compliment. But the secret to making yourself more easily respected lies with treating all hitters the same (not all may be men).

OTOH flirting takes place as polite and cautious dialogue and signals that invoke a different decision process. (If a guy hits and claims he’s just flirting, without thinking twice go by your definition. Treat it as a hit without giving him opportunity to defend himself. He needs to learn who’s boss when he screws up by your standards.)

Rebuffing a hitter earns respect for you. Provided you do it for the purpose of protecting your self-respect. You reinforce self-respect by putting him in his place for having overstepped your boundaries as a person. You earn his respect for standing up for yourself and further reinforce your self-respect for having the courage to do it. (God made him wise enough to gain your attention, but He gave you the ability to get double benefit from it. Who said female isn’t the superior sex and irresistible force?)

OTOH, you probably lose respect—and don’t gain self-respect—if you respond to hits for selfish and other reasons. Examples: Reject him to make yourself feel better, put him down, like yourself better, to be liked by the hitter, show off to girlfriends, earn someone’s respect, embarrass him for showing disrespect to a woman, or just treat him disrespectfully for being a man.

Your heart should be full of feminine innocence when hit on. You’ll likely do the right thing for yourself. (Recall how That Horse is Dead reacted when the guy seated next to her brushed his upper arm against her breast. Was it a hit or a hint? She wasn’t suspicious or waiting for a man to go too far. Her feminine innocence guided her to her best advantage, in that case ladylike and dignified silence. A rebuff/rejection/dismissal probably awaits when he next tries to win her interest or second date.)

Moreover, protecting who you are and what you deserve as a person (not a woman) is not as self-centered as the examples shown in second paragraph above. Those spring out of your mind as protection for you as a woman rather than a person. There’s a difference too.

You are respected and earn respect as if you’re three people. 1) As a person, which makes you equal with all others socially, legally and particularly in God’s eyes. You deserve to be treated respectfully as an individual, not member of some group, or like your associates. 2) As a female or woman, which makes you unequal but not inferior with men (in spite of political and impractical claims to the contrary). You deserve to be recognized as very different from a man. 3) As a responsible and accountable person and woman in the various roles you fill in life, such as wife, mother, friend, daughter, employee, date, fiancé, et al. You deserve to be recognized as having primary interest in things other than man-think.

Obvious and purposeful hits can emanate from a guy’s lack of respect of women generally and perhaps you too. In his mind, you may not deserve what others deserve, such as careful or sensitive approach or common courtesy. You may not deserve to be treated fairly as member of opposite sex. You may not deserve to have your marriage honored as ‘hands off’. In every hit like that, the guy subliminally claims you don’t deserve his respect, invites you to compete with him, and so—at least I think this—you should show him how to win the competition.

You deserve equal treatment as a person if not as a woman. You’re equally deserving of what you can earn as a person. It uplifts you more easily in your mind, adds moral virtue to reinforce your courage, and makes you eligible for fair treatment as a woman. As a person you’re blessed with the ability to take charge at all affronts to your comfort and dignity as a woman. But you should initiate by thinking as a person. The cautious nature of women dissuades from initiating at the very moments you need to be self-assertive in the handling of hitters.

Not as easy as it sounds, but you should treat all men alike. It trains you better to gain all the advantages that can accrue to you as a woman.


Filed under feminine, How she wins

2209. Hits: Rebuffs and Rejections

I give up. So many combinations and permutations of hits, men’s motivations, and women’s motivations and individual reactions that I can’t describe how best to handle each. So, I propose you figure out how to use the following to your advantage.

  • There are only two kinds of hits. Those that you appreciate and those that you don’t, guys that may appeal to you and guys that don’t. So, take the easy way out.
  • WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I propose that rebuffing each guy’s first hit on you does that.

In defense of being falsely accused, what motivates men to hit on women? It’s far more than ‘just one thing’, although that always lingers and sometimes lurks in the background. Chatting with an attractive lady who encourages him to tell about himself is a very inviting exchange of thoughts for many men. Men hope for their mate to be attractive, and so they start looking among the best. A lot of self-admiration can be earned by a man just sweet talking a pretty woman into finding him likeable. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman and many start with virtues they see in attractive women. Men can be innocent too but women only see them as being after that one thing, which sharpens the finger of blame for some women and cautions others into fearfulness.

Self-talk at mirror time can help immensely to prepare for four kinds of hitters.

  • Guy A pleases or compliments you. Also, he appeals to you as prospect for a relationship. As a lady, rebuff him with smiles and encouragement but determination that he’s finished for that first encounter. He has to know you’re not a pushover, and he only believes actions that he sees. If he returns for another encounter, handle him as suggested with guy B next.
  • Guy B pleases or compliments you. As a lady, give him benefit of the doubt but rebuff him as matter of principle. If he comes back for next or more hits, make him suffer the agony of uncertainty. Keep him off balance and uncomfortable. It’s called screening, and his repetitive effort is his investing of himself. After a few encounters he may bloom for you, but he should earn every step. Perhaps a potential Mr. GoodEnough, but the first rebuff got his attention that he had to work to win you.
  • Guy C displeases or offends you. Dismiss him with ladylike composure and without anger. It impresses observers more than guy C, which makes it a game changer for all those other guys thinking of you and for all the women who learn to have new respect for you.
  • Guy D just comes on as very pleasant and likeable but not like A, B, or C.

The guys that come back for another encounter are likely interested in you more than sex but no guarantees. By ending the first hit with rebuff, your screening process takes a great stride forward.

Sample rebuffs and dismissals. Don’t claim yourself to be good or try to convince or explain or complain. Refer to how you’re obligated to or respectful of others. And don’t accept guys saying anything else. You end it with your response and don’t accept more from them.

  • Hit from Guy A: Smile as if you like him. “Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady, but I’m busy now.” If that’s not enough for him, he may not be an A.
  • Hit from Guy B: “I love compliments but I’m busy now.”
  • Hit from Guy C: Stare a few seconds, give him a long silence (you know, the old evil eye), and then turn away as a determined lady rather than disgusted woman.
  • Hit from Guy D: “Try again sometime. I think I’d like to know you, but I’m busy now.”
  • Hitter is married: “I would never betray a sister female, especially your wife. Goodbye.”
  • You’re married: “Thanks but I like it much better when my husband says that.” Or, “My husband would never say such a thing. He’s such a gentleman. Goodbye.”
  • He’s a hottie, rich guy, or beamer driver: “You’re kidding, right? I’m supposed to drop who I am for you? Bug off, buster, you don’t qualify for me.”
  • Hit in church: “I gave my heart to the Lord” (and walk away). If guy A or B invites for coffee after church, it’s another matter but still refuse first invitation. Not to be mean but to stand on your principle that all men are to be treated equally when they first approach you. It’s your standard, without which men have less to step up to in order to prove themselves worthy of you.

You’re made differently, so exploit it. You can’t stop being hit on, but you can win every encounter and send yourself off with grand rather than demeaning feelings about yourself. You can easily teach men that your self-respect and feelings are not to be tampered with. Your action, your immediate response can cure disappointment, discomfort, disruption, and disrespect when you’re surprised.


Filed under feminine, How she wins

2208. Hits: A Matter of Self-respect

After seven years I’ve uncovered something new about Jill. She doesn’t pay enough attention to her self-respect. I hope to show how to improve it with a simple change in attitude and behavior.

If I can make my case, it’s both opportunity and immense advantage to each woman to respond exactly the same to all men who hit on them, including the hottest hunks and richest guys.


Unlike men, self-respect is not a woman’s most prominent trait. 1) Women have been disrespected through the millennia. They are accustomed to having themselves demeaned and self-respect crushed by both mannish behavior and that of females with hearts hardened by power. The hurt lingers and women have adjusted by diminishing its importance to herself. 2) When a woman stands up for herself in a self-respecting manner, the feedback from others may confirm her behavior. However, she tends to roast herself on the coals of self-doubt or guilt and finds subsequent displeasure with herself. She could have done better and will the next time. As relationship expert, she pressures herself to find alternatives, which tends to confirm she was perhaps wrong the first time: oops, more guilt. Consequently, it causes confusion in the heart and women outwardly stand up for themselves less and less as they age. Unreinforced self-respect tends to weaken itself over time. It’s kind of like the older you get the more you get beat down.

Men cause 1). Women cause 2) by the way they react to 1), so room for improvement lies within.


Other than within your mothering instinct, your self-respect as a female depends on the presence of men and a man in your life. It bounces around all the time based on how well you feel compatible and comfortable with them and him. More accurately, it bounces around based on the respect you are shown by men and your man. That is, you feel as compatible and comfortable as you are treated with respect, which just happens to be both foundation of masculine love and major source of your self-respect.

Why such emphasis here on self-respect? High levels of self-respect—such as that spawned with feminine mystique, female modesty, personal vanity, and mirror time—weaken male dominance. Putting hitters in their place has similar effects, especially when they think they can’t be refused. You rebuff them for no other reason than they hit on you; your standard is that it’s disrespectful to be that presumptive of you. (The second or third hit is another matter to be covered later.)

Consequently, because of constant concern or involvement earning masculine attention and hoping for affection or boyfriend, you pay too little attention to self-respect. Yet, one of the immutable laws of nature is this: The greater your self-respect, the more likely and easier for others to respect you and you to respect them. IOW, the root of all respect is self-respect. Since a man’s love is based on respect for women generally and one woman particularly, your weakness in self-respect weakens the prospects of a man’s love.

I propose that all hitters regardless of desirability be dismissed with female charm. Take advantage of more opportunities and you reinforce your potential to be loved. Don’t overlook this fact. The guy you finally win thinks your standard of dismissing hitters means you’re not a pushover, but yet he was good enough to try again and won you. Huh? Think he won’t be proud of himself for having overcome your initial rebuff? Try it, you’ll see.

My next job, however, is to wrap my mind around how you gals distinguish what you want and don’t want. Is there a universal definition of ‘hit’. I’m working on it and hopefully it will magically appear by next post. Tomorrow perhaps at #2209 or soon thereafter. This is a tough series to write, because of the need for separating ‘hit’ from ‘approach’, unwanted from appreciated, disrespect from compliment.


Filed under feminine, How she wins

2207. Hits: Tired of Them? Really? Had Enough?

The following seems to be the typical females’ wish list.

1) I’m tired of being hit on. 2) I wish it could be prevented. 3) Except for those men I find desirable for my taste. 4) Even better, how do I attract more than just hits from the hottest hunks and richest guys? 5) Why am I unable to make every desired hit work out to my advantage? There’s one answer to all.

It remains a wish list because women don’t do much about it. They don’t really want to. Though they complain, they are aware that they are complimented. The attention is more important than the discomfort, if that’s what they really feel.

By the numbers above: 1) You may be tired of it but you have to stay home to avoid it and even that won’t stop it all. 2) To prevent it, womanhood has to work together or leave it to government.* 3) To isolate and appeal to those you find desirable and 4) attract the hottest and richest depends on your reaction to keep the ball rolling into something more than just a hit. 5) You’ve not defined clearly to yourself what’s to your advantage. Golden relationship opportunities await in 3), 4) and 5); you’re just not mining it.

Are you interested in mining the gold? It requires the composure and courage to treat all hitters exactly alike in such a way that you earn their respect. It won’t be easy but it can be made simple.

It takes a lot of writing to describe and justify such a simple technique, but if enough ladies are interested….

This is a survey to solicit the importance of the subject. Let me know if you’re interested. If I can make my case, it’s both opportunity and immense advantage to each woman to respond exactly the same to all men who hit on them, including the hottest hunks and richest guys. You can’t equivocate, everyone the same.


*Feminists choose government solutions. Latest development, a city government denies freedom to men. One city (I think in California) has made it illegal to stare at a woman for 30 seconds. More is coming as feminists complain and government responds to their ‘needs’, which disrespects men who then show more disrespect to women. (Manosphere recruits?)


Filed under feminine, Fickle female, How she loses

2206. Compatibility Axioms #741-750

741. He can’t be successful to himself, if others see him weakened by his wife. His competitors are outside the home. Her dominant attitude can’t be missed there. [255]

742. The sexual pleasures for a woman are outweighed by the other things she needs for a happy life. Men have other interests too and for the most part let sex substitute for whatever is missing. [255]

743. When she makes herself worthy of a man by easily or readily providing sex, it doesn’t matter much if she’s pretty and attractive. Sloppy or comfortable will work for her, but it adds nothing to his reputation for having a good looker. It diminishes her worth as keeper. [255]

744. When you think men are only after one thing, your adolescent side shows. You primarily attract adultolescent men, and they fulfill your prophecy. Mature men figure you offer little else than sex, and they treat you accordingly. [258]

745. Virtual virginity is your best strategy to distinguish mature from immature men. [258]

746. Mature men devote themselves to what they perceive as a good woman, because they seek the pride of fatherhood. Adultolescent men think short term, dislike obligations, have little interest in new responsibility, usually look for another ‘looker’, and promise commitment that has very short legs. [258]

747. You should take advantage of your strengths and give him the appearance of your submissiveness to the man of the house. His perception is reality, and this means whatever he perceives satisfies him. You are far better equipped than he to work out the details to your advantage.[258]

748. A woman’s soft-hearted nature should be reserved for husband and kids. Her hard-headed nature is much more beneficial to her in dating and courtship. Soft-heartedness makes it easier to call a man worthy of her, which makes her vulnerable to join sisters in ex country. Easy to conquer, easy to leave. [260]

749. He cheats on her, so she cheats on him. The former hurts her, the latter terminates their relationship. [260]

750. Women abandon femininity, modesty, high moral standards, and other female strengths just to have a boyfriend or husband they can’t keep. [260]


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, Fickle female

2205. Compatibility Axioms #731-740

  1. Loose and shapeless bras and sweats provide comfort, but unadvertised assets generate little curiosity. If she has no incentive to show herself off to the max, then he figures his max will not be required. So, she starts off in the hole. [253]
  2. Women dress erotically to capture a man. They attract attention and may be taken off the shelf and even taken home. But eroticism promotes sex, not loyalty for the whole product. [253]
  3. A keeper advertises and packages herself to keep sex in the background, because that keeps male minds focused on her star quality. [253]
  4. Cleavage draws a man’s eyeballs downward and his thoughts to nestling there. Good advertising works! Does the rest of her appearance sell her for much beyond sex? [253]
  5. Modern females make sloppy, careless, and slovenly fashionable. They slouch a lot as men do. They do this although men feast with their eyes, and husbands expect a wife they are proud to show off. [253]
  6. There will be never enough money until you have so much that ‘enough’ is never thought of. [254]
  7. Control of money will always be more important than amount available. It requires a decision process. We call it the pain that heals, or simply ‘budgeting’. [254]
  8. The budgeting process keeps a couple focused on improving their lives. With the force of self-imposed rules, it pushes them to do in the present what they need for their future. [254]
  9. Feminism promotes ‘get in his face’ as the way to protect a woman’s interests. It nullifies her natural strength for shaping a man’s behavior. [255]
  10. Men don’t voluntarily abandon the hormonal urge of being a man. But they enlarge their roles in life when coached to do so by one woman. Since improvement requires a man to change, respect is her key to the operating room, submissiveness her surgical instrument. [255]

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, Feminism: OOPS!, How she wins

2204. Compatibility Axioms #721-730

721. Feminism encourages women to value themselves individually, as men do. Femininity encourages women to value themselves as part of a couple, as Nature endows them. [250]

722. If her ex is going to be any different than he was in their first marriage, he needs to respect her more than before. Only that will make him favorably different and virtual virginity earns additional respect. [250]

723. Immature women expect that exchanging intimate knowledge with a man, especially sexual activity, will enable them to capture and hopefully keep a man. Nature works quite the opposite. [252]

724. Men appreciate what they pay for, and the more dearly they pay, the greater their appreciation. Pay, that is, with their interest, focus, time, manners, sacrifice, energy, laughter, fun, games, promises, mistakes, affection, commitment, politeness, devotion, and especially worry about losing her. [252]

725. Not knowledge but a man’s imagination keeps him interested in a woman. The promise of what lies ahead with her keeps her glued into his self-interest. [252]

726. From flirtation to conquest, each step completed along the way satisfies his knowledge but shifts a man’s curiosity to the next plateau of learning. The more he has to earn his way to each step, the more desirable she becomes. The longer she defers conquest, the more worthy she becomes. [252]

727. Mature women see a man’s energy turned to her as more important than his knowledge of her, desiring her as more important than having her, imagining her as more important than knowing her. [252]

728. If he wonders why she acts resistant to his come on, his imagination shifts toward finding out. If she’s not understandable, his imagination shifts toward her character and what motivates her. If character and motivation are mysterious, he becomes determined to explore her more deeply. [252]

729. Feminine mystique is all about creating curiosity and satisfying it ever so slowly. Her need for modesty, intimacy, and privacy stimulate his imagination to know more about her. [252]

730. Women could do better with this strategy: Generate maximum curiosity and satisfy it the least. Exploit manly curiosity to trigger masculine imagination. It works much better than making herself knowable and known without his having paid much in dedication, effort, and self-worry. [252]


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, sex difference