2628. Stop Complaining

Wives take their frustrations and weaknesses out on husbands by complaining. It’s not a good practice, because husbands presume they dissatisfy their wives, and satisfaction is to men what love is to women. Complaints make him think he is not returning her love.

Modern women lack appreciation for the lives they live. They moan and groan about everything but their own appearances, dispositions and outlooks, which are the roots of dissatisfaction. Complaints self-excuse them from taking action to modify their appearance and improve their future. Also, women little realize that complaints/excuses weaken their self-confidence as it tars over and hides their feminine character, demoralizes their expertise of dealing with men, and thus generates additional complaints about self and husband.

They look for improvement in jobs and betterment in careers, and it works for awhile. But by their forties, they tend to match one lady who claimed she feels like “an unfulfilled old cow.” As told to me, “She is permanently depressed and has always overeaten.” It’s only an anecdote but illustrative.

I’m sure many women are satisfied with themselves and their jobs, careers, and even husbands. But even they have picked up many bad habits of complaining.

It’s endemic and men run from it. Why? Because her complaints—whether intended or not—point the guilt finger at husband, and men don’t accept guilt from someone else. Husband tires of it quickly and flees toward some woman not yet inflicted with complaints about him and excuses for her.

And each woman claims, I have no burden to satisfy men or a man. Of course she is right, if she has no interest in finding, capturing, and keeping a good man for herself. But that is seldom fact.

Wives can much more easily satisfy husbands, if they just drop endless complaining. Accept responsibility to fix all problems herself, and twiddle his nose slightly out of joint with a tactic I have developed. It only requires the feminine charm, patience, and dedication to her marriage that she already possesses. IOW, it’s far less work and worry for her.

Complaints generate more ill-will than resolve the causes. To encourage yourself to stop complaining, change your thoughts to this. After a short while of no complaints, adopt the new tactic below. It gets husband to thinking more of what he does and doesn’t do than you can ever complain about. IOW, he inherits new responsibility for identifying what works in the home and family more than whatever complaints/guilt you throw at him.

  1. Make this your worst, most negative comment, and your marriage will take on a new complexion. In a quiet moment, “Honey, your husbanding (or fathering the kids) has started to decline. You might want to think about it.”
  2. Then change the subject and refuse to explain or comment. If he pushes too hard, respond with: “You are the husband (or father) and so you know what to do, which may include nothing. It’s up to you. I am (or the kids are) just along for the ride you provide. I’ll do the work, but good leaders satisfy their followers.”

Of course, he doesn’t know what causes his methods of husbanding to decline. If he takes her comment to heart, he will figure out many more possibilities than she ever expected. His behavior may change about many things she did not expect, and some will be improvements. Allowing time to earn credit for his trying to do better, she’s wise to adopt the new tactic instead of returning to the wifely complaint syndrome.

From what a man figures out needs fixing, he remembers to do it much better than from being reminded of his shortcomings.


Filed under feminine, Fickle female, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex difference, sex differences

2627. Love is Never Enough — V: Marital Success

DEFINITION: ‘Success’ is an imperfect marriage with sufficient attractions that a couple remains connected permanently. IOW, they stay together regardless of interruptions or causes that could justify separation but are outweighed by the benefits of their togetherness.

Well, how do couples do that? The wife works at it until the husband becomes Mr. Right.

The strategy for courtship is to find mutual love. The strategy for marriage is to develop success in living together. The strategy for marriage that lasts a lifetime is to take love for granted and develop a more successful process that puts the wife in charge and fuels husband’s determination to remain together. She’s in charge, and he finds her irreplaceable.

Rather than detailing how marital success occurs, allow me to start at the far end and work backwards. From stable longevity to what causes it. This husband wants very much to remain married for life.

Husband is satisfied with himself that he is where he wants to be, doing what he wants to do, and doing it with whom he wants to do it. His main satisfaction, however, depends on other satisfactions that involve the wife, specifically these:

  • He is satisfied with her as a woman and would choose her above others.
  • He is satisfied living with her and doesn’t care to explore it with others.
  • He is satisfied that his decision to marry her was a great decision, and he admires his clear-sightedness and boldness to move out of bachelorhood/solitary life and into the unknown with her (see post 2558 for details of his decision-making problems). Marriage became the adventure he expected and had the courage to choose. His self-admiration arose out of that. He’s proud of himself for having done the right thing, and wife’s daily presence and marital performance favorably remind how wise his decision.

Without that major and those input satisfactions in the husband’s heart, success easily fades. Their continued marital success depends much more on what she does to make him a satisfied man than a well-loved husband.  

Wives don’t understand. They think love endures, which it does in the heart but doesn’t seal their deal to live together forever.

A wife’s love is not much of a satisfier for husband. Her love of him did not enter the picture of his satisfactions above. That she does love him adds certainty and assures husband that their relationship will continue. That she expects her love to keep them together isn’t foolish but misplaced; it’s his life that he primarily focuses on to earn the self-admiration and accomplish the marital success that motivates him to continue as her husband.

In the final analysis, self-interest always comes before love except in the romantic notions of females. Wife is by far the most important of mates, because husband’s satisfaction depends on wife’s actions that uplift him more than put him down.

Morphing her man from husband to Mr. Right revolves on this strategy she learns to perfect over the early years of marriage. She comes to love her life with him even more than she loves him; the exaggeration is purposeful but that’s the way it appears. She builds their life together until she finds it ultra satisfying compared to sitting around cuddled up every night. Their life together becomes her dream, and she works so competently that he sees nothing but satisfaction in her. By focusing more on the future than the present, she shines as relationship manager and breathes satisfaction into his views of her and their togetherness. Her value grows as he admires himself for having married and learned to live with her.

Thus, he finds rewards to satisfy his life. What’s in it for her?

It depends on how the wife views herself worthy of her own efforts and learns to satisfy him into neutrality about her freedom to act as she sees fit. If she follows her heart, she glorifies herself at least to herself. She finds glory in finally getting her way, in being where she wants to be, in doing what she wants to do, and doing it with whom she wants to do it. The roots of conviction for doing the right things are plentiful:

  • She fulfills her girlhood dreams.
  • He morphs into Mr. Right.
  • He acts devoted to her sufficiently well that she feels adored, senses his devotion, and appears glorified with what she has sought so much of for so long. That is, husband’s supreme attention, well-earned respect, and dependable presence made obvious in daily communication.
  • She doesn’t need to be told everything. He’s not skilled enough to recognize what all she does for both him and her. With his input still not as superlative as she would like, she recognizes herself to be an important and appreciated mate, teammate, and exalted partner worthy of special enshrinement. On some matters, she has to depend upon herself for full confirmation.

Note this difference: First, her treatment of their life together makes him satisfied with her and what she does. Second, based on his satisfactions, his revised-upward treatment of her glorifies her as a good woman. Marital success achieved.


Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2626. How Can Women Recover?

It’s only anecdotal, but some college girls now keep their own booty lists and call and ask if they can visit guys for sex. According to one guy, campus gals are not just unrespectable but unlikable. His view: They act too much like men to be appealing.

It’s a societal trend that worsens. Men perceive women dumbing themselves down; women trash masculine usefulness to favor womanly boldness. Women figure as long as they can get their way as men used to do, they are winning to move their gender away from patriarchy. Thus, the feminist view moves forward, and politics replaces common sense in the relationship arena.

We are all born to get our way with others. Society settles disputes with common sense that now fades under the pressure of political correctness. Men have no recourse for getting their way except to rely on male dominance.

The downward trend continues as females reject the idea of earning the respect of men, even though a man’s love of woman is based on respect. Women fulfill the feminist objective of making enemies of the genders. They smother the institution of family with intentions and practices to act more like men, as if men seek to marry masculine women.They slaughter masculine interest of living with a woman for anything but sex and economic benefit, both of which lack bonding and are mostly temporary.

A perceptive newbie inspired this post. She reacted to my statement that modern practices by women make men think that a woman’s love is neither desirable, meaningful, useful, nor in a man’s best interest. Miss Green at 2625 inquired, “how do we turn it around?

First,  “we” don’t. It works on the societal level. It took a half-century to degenerate this far, and could take more to recover, but it hasn’t started yet.

Second, individuals can recover. I propose each of you learn to overcome for yourself, which is fairly easy except for two things: time to screen many more men and keep faith and confidence in yourself. Handling those exceptions can be done best by using the following.

Third, become more independent relative to women. Make over your thought processes about your life and how to make a success of your life with a husband. Listen more to your heart than your mind.

  • ID those feminist traits you may have picked up over the years and reverse them in mind and heart; e.g., 1) you think men are to blame, drop it. They may be, but you have to be unique to recover for yourself. 2) Refuse to accept political correctness as an ingredient for managing your life.
  • Quit listening to women about men; in fact, forget what you’ve learned. It’s nowadays contaminated with feminist-think. What women say does not necessarily apply to you and the men with whom you will be dealing.
  • Pay intense attention to every man of every age, what they say, and particularly how they act. Form new opinions on what you learn doing it. You have an immense talent for reading men, but you have to specialize in using it. What men say may not be honest; what they do reflects honesty, but you know that in your heart.
  • Make yourself unique from all the other gals, even those who think like you. Women like to think and act like a herd, because they lack confidence and seek confirmation about common concerns that help deal with men and husbands. It’s a failed concept. If not, men would also act like the herd which requires one to give up individuality and independence, and men don’t do that until charmed by one woman with whom they have the overwhelming urge to live with forever.
  • Your life will work best if you develop two habits each morning before your largest mirror. 1) Study and carry out the procedure described in posts 2123-2127. 2) Read the next bullet to yourself as a daily mantra in front of the mirror; it will program your attitude to do what’s best for you.
  • Men marry women who are not like the rest of the herd. Men marry feminine mystery, feminine modesty, feminine uniqueness, feminine monogamy, feminine manners, feminine attractiveness, feminine character, feminine trustworthiness, feminine independence, feminine stability, feminine reliability, feminine respect for others of every ilk, feminine focus on the future, feminine reliance on a man’s judgments about the present, feminine separation from other women except as relief from the doldrums of putting her life in feminine order sufficiently well enough to satisfy her mate into being satisfied with himself. Each man knows what feminine is to him, and so give femininity all you got. (Femininity is defined as opposite of Feminism.)
  • As to female love, women oversell themselves on it. Can’t blame them because their importance is built around having and sharing it. However, it isn’t all that important to men except as signal that he’s still okay for her.
  • After marriage, the way to inject your heart into a man’s heart is to learn to love your life together more than you love him. Not really from your view, but that’s what he expects. You will generate a life together that has him in the center—fully accredited, of course—but you make everything happen that satisfies him with your performance. If you study post 2558 you will learn how it balances out in life. In a successful marriage, he loves the responsibility of his marriage more than he loves you. Of course, in daily interaction it only seems that way, but it make marriage successful.
  • In dating and courtship, keep the marriage bullet above in mind but work it differently. Make him earn you; you help shape his thinking but he focuses on the present and so you have to forget the future while he wins you. Decide NOW just how a man should honor your dignity, self-respect, status, stature, and standards. Yield nothing including your personal history without his earning it—and never your sexual history regardless of how he probes. The more he earns the more of himself he invests, and men don’t walk away from deep investments of self.
  • Screen each guy for red flags and disqualify those who appear not good enough. Don’t take risks until you are sure that you can live with his shortcomings.
  • Make this your attitude but about which you say nothing. You will yield sex after marriage. With the attitude but no words or explanations, he has to date you more because his primary mission is to bed you. The longer you hold out, the more he invests himself. While dating, he looks for weaknesses that will make you yield.
  • Finding nothing but your strength against yielding, he uncovers qualities that he can admire. Such qualities are virtues to a man, and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. In today’s social marketplace, feminine is the essence of virtue.
  • So, the longer you hold out, the more marry-able you become and more likely he will propose—eventually, that is, because his decision is a three-phase process described in post 2558.

Your life is whatever you make it, and men play a vital role whether you marry or not. Courting all men with feminine charm—but no giveaways except to husband—makes you unique and sought after by many men. The ones who won’t invest themselves in you are not good enough for you, so it should become standard practice to put many guys—uninvestigated by you—back in the parade that passes through your life. Caution: There’s no such thing as Mr. Right until you’ve charmed and coached husband over a decade or two.

When enough women follow the model described above, society may turn on its heels and reverse course. That being many years in the future, however, individual women can have much better control of their lives before then.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Feminism: OOPS!, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

Blog 2625 — Sociological Perspective

Blog 2625 — Sociological Perspective

Did you ever connect these dots? They span two thousand years!

  • Western civilization arose out of the New Testament on the legs of Christian love.
  • Western prosperity arose out of Christ’s teachings that love is the solution for hatred and the way toward a better life.
  • Men don’t need and even reject using love for decisions in their competitive world. Teachings of Western churches have never been very effective convincing men that love should flood the marketplace of masculinized business ideas.
  • Yet, Western prosperity developed and was sustained with men obviously in control.
  • Loaded with self-love at birth, women were enabled to spread love to others. When used solely to female advantage, love became an admired virtue and internal strength.
  • Armed with Christ’s legitimacy of love, women indirectly injected love into the workplace, and it enabled prosperity to morph toward female-friendly.
  • Both sexes are born to get their way with the other. Women learned to rely on indirect methods to get their way while facing male dominance.
  • Male dominance expanded with this remorseful slant, it’s dominance without respect for the dominated. Wives learned to do better.
  • Wives competing directly with husbands weakened love and its connections. Women learned to do better.
  • The directness and self-respect of girls and single women discouraged men getting their way and thereby earned more respect of women.
  • Female toughness, self-love, and the loving ability of women earned and defended self-respect and made male dominance tolerable to women and children.
  • Capitalizing on that above, women became more successful over the centuries.
  • By using discretion and risking disapproval and criticism, they convinced men that love and sex were not the same. She could love, would provide comfort and care, but only yield sex if a man married her.
  • Formal marriage became successful and families more bountiful, and so marriage became standard, expected, and institutional.
  • As prosperity improved home life, wives became more influential with husbands and their affairs. The inborn patience and indirectness of a wife’s loving spirit helped husbands morph workplace values and standards into an ever-increasing female-friendly society.
  • More influential wives enabled mothers to raise children to love one another, and who as adults added more love-based values into the workplace. Each generation built more pressure toward female-friendly prosperity.
  • Over the course of two millennia the role of women developed differently than happenings outside Western civilization. Women led men to greater comfort in  homes covered in love and wives wrapped in it, the married man found much more satisfaction with himself than when male dominance stomped on female-friendly domestic life.
  • Women finally and gradually broke onto the political scene with typical female courage to pursue what they need in order to get their way. In the present day, they get their way with everything but with man, boyfriend, or husband.
  • On the surface it appears women can have their way with a man, but they can’t capture or keep the one they want most. When she chooses to get her way indirectly and instead favors a man’s directness, she can find a man willing to spend his life with her.

Over two millennia, women groped, grappled, and fought in the background. They managed, however, to morph two male-dominant religions—Christianity and Judaism—into our female-dominant Judeo-Christian culture. They got off the sideline of society by conquering a man for marriage before he conquered her for sex. Love was her instrument of persuasion, being possessively cherished was her reward.

Women were thus empowered with love legitimized and made highly respected by Christ. Out of that endowment, women made themselves highly desirable, meaningful, useful, and worth more in the best interest of men.

Nowadays, women battle in the foreground to get their way with a man. The modern process, however, leaves men thinking that a woman’s love is neither desirable, meaningful, useful, nor in the best interest of a man. Too much else goes with it, and women are no longer in the winning position. They’ve dealt themselves a lousy hand.



Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, marriage, old school, sex differences

Blog 2624 — Love is Never Enough — IV

I love it when pretty girls conclude simple principles out of my statements. Her Highness Shari exhibits good skill when she does it at 2623. It’s worth this article; she triggers more of what women need to hear.

Shari interpreted me well in application. Her conclusions give birth to wishful thinking, and I’m pleased to expand on it. I thank her for the opportunity to respond to these questions with my answers: yes, no, maybe, but not enough.

“As a wife, are you saying if I focus my time on

  • remaining attractive physically and character wise that will keep my husband satisfied with being married to me?
  • being a homemaker by keeping the house organized and clean and making sure breakfast, lunch, and dinner are to husband’s liking then husband will be satisfied with being married to me?
  • being available for sex, being grateful for him as he is (no nagging him to change) and what he does in my life, and maintaining all of my responsibilities with a smile on my face then husband will be satisfied with being married to me?”

I’m sure neither Shari nor you are surprised. Life’s not nearly that simple. Shari’s factors are good starting points and some men consider them vital. However, the importance and expectation of each factor varies man to man. Plus, a gazillion other wifely traits, habits, and behaviors strengthen or weaken a husband’s satisfaction.

Too many feelings and facts exist and vary day to day. Satisfaction is much more emotional than cognitive. It’s a summation. A man subconsciously senses, consciously detects, and assesses the importance, acceptability, and likeability of her as woman, wife, lover, friend, mother, and other roles. Other considerations add or detract; should he do something? Now or later? Think about it more?

Moreover, he judges her as an evolving entity within his self-interest, the root of his future motivation. I use evolving because of mutual feedback about what she does, he expects, and she adjusts. To him, it’s a natural and automatic process by which he shapes his opinions. To her, it’s the process of what she does best that so glaringly outshines masculine ability to deal with women; she learns, adjusts, and generates a new reality to brighten her future.

His satisfaction with her comes from her overall likeability to be with, loyalty that he expects, respect that he senses, and dependence that he perceives. His satisfaction living with her comes from her ability to appreciate his presence—even more than him—as she conducts and harmonizes the factors and functions that govern their life together (except involvement in his job life only on his request).

Here are twists in a wife’s life. Perfectionism kills, trying too hard interferes, loving too much smothers. Additionally, blame and criticism give birth to dissatisfaction in both parties. However, a woman’s self-love helps her recover from his fault finding; she handles the humps and bumps better. Men have self-respect as their compensating internal strength. Self-respect is pretty inflexible, and so men hearing the fault ignore the faultfinder. Especially when coming from wives. He married expecting her love to exempt blame and criticism in the unlikely event he should ever deserve it. Consequently, her finding fault refers him back to his Day One mistake; it contradicts his wisdom in marrying her. Thereby dissatisfied with himself, both she and living with her appear less satisfying. Numerous such events eventually trigger him to action to restore satisfaction to his life, while she wonders what went wrong?

Women are born able to read their man sufficiently well that wife can figure out his levels of satisfaction and sniff out the approach of dissatisfaction. It’s a game best played loosely and smilingly. She profits most by paying more attention to their game of life than spreading her love. Especially worrying or overcompensating whether husband knows he is loved by her. He can tell he’s loved, when his life continues to satisfy himself that he married the right woman. She would not be doing so well, if he were not loved and vice versa.

If she keeps focus on how the negatives of his life impact him—including those that she may cause—and upgrades his disappointments, she is doing what works best to keep him.

And women say, but hell, why should I do all that? It gives me the burden to keep him happy. Not so! Men don’t do happy.

Three objectives apply for you to be successful: 1) You keep finding gratitude in those who impact your life together and doing what needs to be done to build a good life for you and yours. 2) You keep husband satisfied with you and living with you building the good life. 3) You satisfy your need to spread your love across and around 1) and 2) instead of making it your primary effort to be happy. Yes, your ability to love is more tool than personal mission to be happy. Actually, a woman’s happiness flows from the gratitude she finds in others and things.

Keeping him with you is the goal, and for which God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize you to read, understand, and eagerly learn how to keep your man loyal to you. It really pays off when kids arrive.

Also, if she loves her life with him better than she apparently loves him, she makes progress. IOW, her life with him is more important to her than he is, so long as he remains part of her life. Think on it awhile, ladies. I believe you’ll find it fits your nature after a few years of marriage.

Women are talented and especially skilled to wipe away whatever dissatisfaction shows up in their man. She has her love to give to keep herself satisfied. Satisfied with each other is all they need; their togetherness evolves to sustain success as a couple. The flames of love burn in background to keep their relationship lighted.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2623. Love is Never Enough — III

I write for women who think they know how to love a man into a successful marriage. Not all women have it wrong. A God-awful large number don’t have it right, or more marriages would last longer. Love is never enough.

Fiancés are so eager to seal the deal, they overlook this deeply embedded conviction within potential grooms. She marries for love; he marries for the promise he sees in her. How much of his love resides in the promise is an individual matter. To marry, he sees promise in her to uplift, promote, and contribute to his successes in his life, especially the present as he will face the future when it comes.

A man is born to satisfy himself, keep himself satisfied, and he has endless skills and talent for doing so. He lives a life of successes strung together into what’s right and good for him and within the freedom and ability he has available. As a sideline, almost any woman is available for frequent sex, so he has little interest in paying the price required to keep the same woman conveniently available.

Thus, his satisfaction and her love are very similar and equally critical. Self-respect that he has and satisfaction that he earns describes a man as adequate within himself. As an independent person, he gives little of himself except to earn success. OTOH, love holds a woman together. She has self-love, spreads it among those in her life, and measures success by how she helps others and thus adds to her self-importance.

She’s born with oodles of self-love. She aims at spreading plenty of it, out of which she also earns self-respect that enables her to respect men and a man.

He’s born with oodles of self-respect. He doesn’t spread it as women spread love. Instead, he harbors it to earn self-love, which then enables him to love others. By earning what he lacks, self-love, he enables himself to be more successful associating with others. Primarily, he aims at earning what he lacks, wins success at it, and expands his inborn need for greater responsibility to achieve more satisfying success.

A woman is born well-motivated to love herself, keep others well loved, and she too has endless skills and talent for it. But the genders differ on this point, men are independent and don’t need a woman. Women are dependent and desire frequent uplifting and confirmation of their importance. They need someone close to magnify their lives into more than just tolerance. They are born with the instinct for a man to provide it and intuition to recruit one to enhance their lives. So, a woman is motivated to mate up with a man, while he’s motivated to do other things that may or may not include being burdened with an adequate mate or satisfied with a superb wife.

Women thus face two challenges. If husband is to be, it is up to me. If keeping husband is to be, it is up to me.

Women measure marital success by her giving and receiving love with husband. A husband finds success by satisfying himself that he does right for himself, good for them, and satisfies himself in living his life and husbanding hers. It’s more complex than women imagine, and love is never enough.


Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, How she loses, marriage, The mind

2622. Love is Never Enough — II

Like most things in life, love is a process and mutual love is two distinctly different processes.

Men primarily are producers. A man chases success exclusively for himself and sometimes chooses a wife and family to accompany him. Chasing success is both the man’s main love and main process in life. He competes with Nature, men, and conditions to achieve progress and accomplish whatever it takes to shape human events as he needs them to match his objectives, and as he foresees them in his masculine dreams.

Each man’s process is the glove into which his marriage must fit, his wife must prove herself likeable and loyal, and they squirm together in the ‘glovely’ wriggle room to succeed as a pair. If successful, he is satisfied with both her and living with her, and becomes satisfied with his marriage, himself, and with all of the above. He succeeds in life provided they succeed in marriage. Whether easily perceived or not by wife, his satisfaction with himself reflects his love of her.

Women, of course, expect more clear expositions of their man’s love. Men are more direct than women, and so why is he not more direct with his love? Good question and the answer comes later.

OTOH, women primarily are processors. They produce progress in living together, developing workable solutions, and cooperating to advance progress rather than causing it to stumble with open and often hostile competition. They keep the bearings of relationship wheels well oiled. Operating that way, a woman doesn’t look back very much, although she never forgets slights to the dignity or desirability of her purpose.

A woman makes her life more complex by chasing success in imagined things and ways. She seeks continually to brighter her future, betting on what she can produce by way of relationship solutions and improvements.

Far too often, however, women choose to compete directly with men over the shaping of human events, and things don’t work well when challenging male dominance. However, competing over their first sex together is not only acceptable but men consider it justified, although they easily argue to the contrary.

She pursues importance both to herself and others chosen or birthed. She seeks happiness in the process, and finds it in her gratefulness for those involved in her life. She measures progress by relationship improvements and happiness by the gratefulness she finds in both herself and contributors to her success, progress, and process of living among others. She serves others for the reward of giving of herself and thus upgrading her self-importance.

Grown women usually prefer a dependable man to accompany, help, and add value to the complexities of the process by which she lives. Reliance depends on influencing him to obligate himself on behalf of her and her children, and with marriage being the firmest obligation.

She knows to favor cooperation over competition; it’s essential when dealing with husband. Depending on her perception of the risk of losing him versus her process of generating progress to improve her or their future, she often competes to get her way. Husband’s risk is he may lose to a woman, but a wife’s likeability can overcome it. She has the talent and skill to outwit, outsmart, and outmaneuver her man, but he can always overrule with male dominance.

Men are more direct than women, and so why is he not more direct with his love? A woman’s love is expressed by very directly giving of herself in word and deed. Women expect to hear of being loved the same way, directly. They depend on what they hear and easily accept and conclude the best as opposed to men who depend on what they see and figure out.

A man’s love is not a giving of himself, as it is with women. Therefore, a man can’t be direct but has to rely on indirectness, fabrication, or lying. A man loves by doing what’s necessary to provide, produce, protect, and solve the problems of a woman in whom he sees—those eyes again—great likeability and loyalty. The investment of his ability is his love, indirect in all its glory if she is smart enough to recognize investment of self as emotional connection to what he sees.

Love is never enough, because it is different on opposite sides of a relationship. Whether she sees his investment of self as love of her means she has to measure, estimate, or presume his love based on factors unfamiliar to her. She needs more than her love to figure out his love of her.

He, OTOH, depends on what he sees and what he doesn’t hear to assess her love of him. He sees her smile and knows that he’s not at fault. He hears few or no complaints and figures her problems are surmountable.

From previous expressions of her love, he figures that he is still loved until the contrary emerges. He prefers to accept that all remains well, because her wordy expressions are unnecessary and sometimes embarrassing when he feels undeserving.

Exchanging love thoughts are part of the ‘glovely’ wriggle room mentioned above. They have to read each other. Tenderly is best as they fully develop their belief in themselves associating with the other, develop faith in each other, and wiggle around in the ever-changing results that keep him informed of how well he is doing in the process of living his life to provide, protect, etc.

Instead of always trying to confirm and reconfirm love at the first squeak of the romance or marital wheel, a wife does better when she quiets her ears aching for husband’s words with the satisfaction of showing affection through actions that satisfy her man. Her payback comes from his greater satisfaction knowing he did the right thing in marrying her—after all, that is the root of his commitment to stay with her and why love is never enough.



Filed under Dear daughter, feminine, Her glory, How she wins, marriage, sex differences