2646. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY


It’s so easy to love you gals. You’ve earned my respect and I’ve invested nine years in you. You deserve it, or I wouldn’t be here.

My hope is the man in your life admires your feminine qualities, adds up your virtues into virtuous enough for marriage, and finds you supercalifragilistic- as a wife keeping her man satisfied with his -expialidocious self. Swell matched couple, huh?

GUY

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2645. Strategy for Courtship — 01: Introduction


Dating and courtship can be defined and described many ways. The battle of the sexes revolves around both sexes being born to get their way with the other. I write about the version that empowers and enables girls and women to get their way and make guys appreciate the feminine way.

This is the major battle. Whoever gets their way—the guy to achieve conquest without future obligation, or the gal to achieve marriage without yielding—wins. When the guy wins, the gal may or may not win depending on his decision before conquest. She can end up as keeper, booty, or disposable.

I write about courtship without sharing sex. If you find no interest in dating and courting that way, you may still uncover in what follows some insight into why gals should not relinquish courtship governance to guys. Example: Feminine qualities are admired by men as virtues. Her greatest virtue is possession without use of sexual assets. The more and better she withholds them, the more and better a man respects and admires her. A man’s love is founded on respect of a woman, and so keeping her legs crossed earns a guy’s respect, admiration, and whatever love he develops associating with her. With legs crossed, women can get their way. With legs apart, guys don’t bond as women expect, and gals lose their courtship supremacy.

Men are motivated two ways. When they can’t conquer a gal, they can get serious and even dedicate themselves to chasing her until she yields. The longer he pursues her, the more he invests himself with actions that program his heart in her favor, and men don’t easily walk away from lengthy investments.

When gals yield the first time, that guy is free to chase others. It’s not her or her fault, it’s his nature to conquer every attractive female that will have him.

A woman is best served by this courtship strategy: He chases and wins her without access to her sexual assets until they marry. It may not always play out that way, given the pressures of passion and pleasures of sex. The longer it plays out that way, however, the greater his investment of himself in her interests. By far, it’s the superior strategy by which the superior gender can handle the dominant gender and promote the female’s  self-interest.

Why is that? Because a man changes dramatically as the result of conquest. It’s not her fault but his two sex-drive nature. All she did was yield out of love, wish to satisfy him, and hope he would bond. He doesn’t bond, he admires and satisfies himself with accomplishment, and her risk skyrockets of doing without him.

Hardwired this way from birth, conquest releases him from chasing her, and he becomes free to chase another. He may dispose of her as inadequate for him. Or, he might choose to stay with her, if she has earned enough of his respect and interest for proceeding together as either booty or for long-range mating.

While not a popular strategy today, the one I propose above flooded the social marketplace back in the day when most men sought to marry and settle down with a good woman. We can’t turn back the clock, but the foundation of men seeking to marry a good woman is founded on the respect a woman earns by possessing a great virtue and withholding it until a man invests himself sufficiently to step up and meet her expectations.

If a woman can’t learn to get her way in courtship, she’s short of what it takes to get her way in marriage, where men want little to do with managing the domestic side of living together.

While not nearly as impressive as crossed legs for shaping manly attitudes, women are blessed with characteristics that generate attractive and feminine attitudes for men. It’s next.

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2644. Affection for Intimate Moments Only?


Her Highness Sarina inquired with a subject I pondered for several years. The bold questions are hers. (Courtship series promised but not yet ready.)

“Sometimes I wonder: should wives keep affection strictly for intimate moments only?”

Yes, mostly, except for wise women who work their feminine talent to get it more often as shown below. She lives for moments of affection and intimacy and reaches for it with hugs, kisses, and words. Although he may have developed an expectation in childhood, he isn’t born with the need of affection and intimacy, which makes its importance relative to what’s on his mind.

“Are men irritated when wives constantly hug and lavish them with sugary words?”

Yes, but not for the reason you might expect. Hugs and sugary words are enjoyable, confirm his importance, and can lead to sex. It’s irritable for two reasons. 1) Men don’t like surprises, even small ones from people who ought to know them better. 2) Her timing disrupts his preoccupation with something else that to a man is usually more important than affection.

Men are in thought processes constantly and affection plays a tiny if any role. Thinking preoccupies them. Even sitting around and apparently unoccupied, they think about accomplishments, ambitions, plans, jobs, intentions, their competition, what to do next, and other ways of earning self-admiration. Their first and awesome responsibility is to stay on top of their lives with those in it and to do what’s proper and necessary. Hugs, sugary words, and proactive displays of affection are not part of that mental agenda, except when men want something. Thus, interruptions are usually unwelcome.

Even worse, interruptions can irritate. Couples usually learn to live with irritations. This is hard to imagine, but couples come in every version possible. When interruptions of hugs and sugary words register as irritation, her likeability can deteriorate in his mind. Enough deterioration and his love begins to wilt. Too many interruptions aka surprises to fill her bank of convictions that she’s important to him, and she may push him away. A better way exists to draw him into her feminine web and displace interruptions with desirable consequences.

Women instinctively know a better way; they simply rely on female strengths to get their way. Following is a good example of how to get her way and keep him satisfied with her.

Developed into a habit with feminine qualities, the following actions can add pleasure to a relationship. The habit of predictable and pleasant behavior comforts a man, and a comfortable man is usually a satisfied man, at least for the moment or more.

SITUATION. They are married. He currently reads the paper, sits on the lawn mower, watches his favorite team on TV, or whatever. She knows he’s thinking about something other than affection, love, or intimacy unless sex is also involved and maybe not even then.

In the kitchen, sensing the uncomfortable return of an all too familiar negative moment, she finds deep need for a hug or kiss to confirm her importance. Or, to express her gratitude for him. Or, she just wants to tell him how she feels. Or, she seeks to reward him for pleasing her. Or, she just wants to share her love. For whatever reason and out of the blue, she needs a ‘fix’.

ACTION.  She goes and stands quietly next to him until he looks at her. She asks if she can enter HER cave for a short visit. On his affirmative, she plops in his lap and snuggles for her fix. She planned it before and she makes him laugh, somehow, before she rises.

ROUTINE. By making that her standard habit, she reinforces these matters each time she needs a fix:

  • He is neither interrupted nor surprised. He knows what to expect. Being able to predict what will likely happen confirms that he gets his way. It has a comforting side to it.
  • She gets her way by using feminine charm that makes him smile. She outwits him by doing things as he likes them, which he appreciates.
  • She confirms her respect by getting permission to enter her cave. She shows her dependence on him to provide her fix. Two of the more valuable expression of her gratitude she can make to convince him that she remains likeable and he chose correctly.
  • She gets her fix beneath the umbrella of his smile. Matching smiles do a lot to harmonize mutual likeability.
  • She leaves him laughing, which adds to her likeability, his comfort, and their fun of sharing affection.
  • He can learn to like affection and such interruptions, when she doses the situation liberally with those itemized bullets above and other feminine qualities that he admires.

After a few such episodes, he figures from her uplifting actions that he doesn’t doubt his kingpin role in her heart. Moreover, he concludes that she has both entertainment and comforting qualities not previously displayed and for which he can both admire and respect her. Taken together, those are satisfying thoughts about his wisdom for having proposed they marry.

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2643. Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 07


I expect this to be the last article in this series. Making courtship simple should follow.

NOTE: Throughout the series I purposely ignore the modern female attitude that men are no good or to blame and are, therefore, undeserving of a woman satisfying a man. If you have that feminist ‘disease’, you may just as well quit reading now. A major obstruction to marital success is that politically-planted, now-almost-universal belief that men are the problem. Either that belief dissolves in your mind, or marriage with you will dissolve in his heart. You can’t satisfy a man while you have him dangling on the blame hook. So for what is he to blame? What’s more important? Keeping him, proving yourself right,  expressing your opinion, or just letting him know how you feel?

——

In Navy boot camp, we recruits learned: There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Navy way. After 66 years I pass it to wives like this: There is the right way, the wrong way, and the proper way in marriage. Proper, meaning that wife defines it and imposes it to the extent she finds it possible for herself, practicable in their life together, and satisfying to husband. Caution: Her insistence applied to his face threatens his satisfaction; she’s smoother than that.

Men ‘hire’ a wife to handle domestic matters of living together. Without standards that don’t vary according to her emotions of the moment, then her expectations will rarely be met especially after children start arriving.

The proper way has its own wifely motto from which dangles the key to marital success introduced at 2636. A strategy follows; each woman has to develop her own tactics that breed success for her and her man.

MOTTO. Love is great, but keeping husband satisfied is both easier and works better to get my way. I can’t insist, I have to be smooth. Work smarter, not harder—after all, it is a job, my job when I marry.

KEY. Retire your courtship thinking about how more or greater love cures relationship ills. Forget your intentions to directly love your husband into marital bliss; men are not good at romance and smother love especially is wrong-think. Love him more indirectly and it’s easier for you too, unless you can’t accept responsibility for the wife’s governance role.

Convey your love by showing and building a good life that wedges him into your design and plan to fulfill your dream of life together. You do it by keeping him satisfied with both you and living with you. In the meantime, you get your way on your own, or else you earn it in the domestic matters that make up your domain. His signs of satisfaction dispense freedom for you to proceed.

I exaggerate these points just for effect: Focus more on loving what you do than loving him directly with physical affection. Monitor his feedback for satisfaction, which keeps you alerted on how better to get your way on pending matters. In the first few years he may never be satisfied, but it’s no reason to give up. Getting your way on A may be much harder when he’s dissatisfied with B, so satisfy first his concerns about B and then address A. Your likeability at a given instant, and his willingness to yield to you, can depend on his satisfaction at that moment and may depend on something other than you, such as his job. Focus on how you love to brighten your future together, set standards for domestic life, eliminate relationship hazards, harmonize family relations, and glue your relationship with feminine leadership that isolates him in the center as virtual king—crowned by his satisfaction with himself for having chosen you. Don’t treat or make him sound like a king; let him conclude it from your actions more than words. Learn to love doing all those things more than showing your affection and direct love of him in daily actions. Lastly, hurts not intended as such can be overlooked when one has faith in the offender; the right of kings empowers them to speak before thinking, so not all negatives should be taken personally. (This paragraph is exaggerated purposely; it’s the right play book but written in overly pessimistic and optimistic terms.)

Neither life nor love works with boys and men as girls and women like to think. Instead, you should work on the home, your relationship, and life’s happenings in such ways that you keep husband satisfied rather than just loved; it enables you to more effectively handle the masculine nature. IOW, put yourself in charge of everything but his job, his ‘territorial’ and other interests, and whatever he seeks to be responsible for—that is, his domain. Use love more as tool than glue. Focus your love on finding and being grateful for what you do to make home and marriage work. Please yourself for what you do more than who you are, more on what he deserves as your hubby than please yourself for what you deserve.

Why is love never enough? It’s not the motivator of men that women hope, expect, and rely on. Men like to be loved, but they can do without it. Many do and not always outside a marriage.

Women argue that men screw up good marriages. Doing so confuses or distracts women, and they don’t learn the essentials for marital success.

They blame men so that women can escape feeling responsible; they don’t have to answer and be called wrong. Yet, God designed them to have all the skill, talent, and natural motivation to be fully responsible. He gave men none of the same. Example: Women are born to find, capture, and keep a man to help fulfill their dreams as a couple; her ability to do it is tremendous and endless. Men are born with the ability to mate with a woman on his terms, but his relationship ability is nil. IOW, he falls victim to her expertise, because each female mate knows in her heart how to fit and keep their relationship adequate enough to satisfy her man.

Summarized, wife breeds marital success with this strategy. First, she accepts responsibility for all matters for which he does not claim responsibility—namely, his domain. Second, she strives to get her way in the building, shaping, and sustaining of their relationship, living together, and domestic matters in all but his domain, namely her domain. Third, while doing so, she keeps him satisfied with who he is and what he means to himself. By getting her way cooperatively rather than competitively, she aims at winning his satisfaction three ways. 1) Satisfied with her and who she is, aka her likeability and fidelity. 2) Satisfied with what she does to govern their togetherness and promote two lives into one. 3) Satisfied with himself for choosing to depart single life in favor of living with her; it confirms his conviction that he was right all along and intensifies his marital connection.

Satisfaction with himself counts the most for her in the long run and extends his staying power. Consequently, he may be temporarily or moderately unsatisfied with her or their living arrangements, but he may still be satisfied with himself for other reasons and, therefore, he finds insufficient reason to leave and sticks with her to see how things develop.

The foregoing describes a strategy designed around two inborn motivational imperatives. Both sexes always want to get their way, which guarantees that competition emerges. Women are empowered from birth with the patience, expertise, and self-interest to forego competition, choose cooperation to get their way, and thus enable themselves to conquer men for marriage before men conquer women for sex. Instinctively and intuitively women know it serves them best.

There is more to marital success than the strategy cited above. Individual women have to develop their own ‘it’s my way’ set of tactics to generate marital success. They are born quite capable of doing that and only have to follow their heart instead of guidance from others.

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2642. Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 06


If a woman doesn’t know how to get her way with a man, or chooses not to pay the price necessary to do so, she is under-prepared for marriage and perhaps courtship. If she doesn’t know how to click what makes a man tick, then out of isolation and frustration she chooses an alternative path, such as eat to excess, shack up, lesbianism, or crying for special consideration or compassion as a victim.

Women—married and single—still don’t understand men, and they get worse faster than panties are dropped. Incompatibility has become the norm, and separation has become popular even among older married folks. A huge vacuum exists that is being filled with pop culture values, expectations, explanations, and complaints that begrudge, blame, or seek to punish men for marital problems.

Harking back, when women abandoned their moral compass, they lost their ability to steer and govern a relationship into marital success. But it need not be that way. The male nature and how to exploit it to the advantage of women and children is available in the articles in this blog.

This current series describes and defends a natural strategy to earn marital success; that is, good enough to avoid separations. Single women and many wives need to start over in their thought processes. Not men but lack of knowledge and belief in feminist propaganda are the enemy. The new strategy includes what makes marriage work enough to keep a couple together. Accomplish that, and the world thrives with many opportunities for a governing wife to fine-tune her marriage such that she at least improves on what she has.

God intended the wife—concluded from the way the sexes are born so differently—to govern her marriage. Men lack the relationship expertise but possess the ability to contribute from outside both the relationship and the home. From which, however, they have the natural expectation to be compensated for husbanding and fathering.

After all, men differ. They need neither love nor marriage. They can enjoy the former but the latter comes only on their terms. A woman has to pay to keep a man involved in her life. Pay with what, you ask? What he values most highly, which is satisfaction with who he is, what he does, and who he does it with. If he’s not a satisfied man, he’s not a satisfied hubby and she’s not a satisfying wife. If she’s not satisfying him, he’s not showing the attention, affectionate words, and stroking that she needs to confirm her importance. Incidentally, sexual satisfaction is relatively minor compared to daily interaction and personal likeability.

Joined together as a couple, someone has to take charge of gazillions of little things, irritations, and task completions that pile up over days, weeks, months, and years. On the domestic front, women are made particularly able to fill that role. If the wife does not learn to govern the domestic scene successfully, handle at least the first gazillion little things, and thereby quiet husband’s dissatisfactions as they arise, then they soon scramble, flounder, and separate as a couple.

Men lack it, but women have the ability in their nature and heart that is necessary to make marriage succeed. If they: fail to eagerly accept and love the challenge of making compatibility work, blame someone else for problems, don’t understand the male nature, or don’t face and accept responsibility for marital success, then they are likely doomed to find separation staring them in the face.

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2641. Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 05


Anticipating later shifting to the strategy for courtship success, I continue elaborating on the strategy for marital success.

Both sexes are born to get their way. It’s the mother of human competition. Both learn early in life it’s not possible all the time, but everyone keeps trying. Neither sex loses that natural urge, however, when they can gain advantage.

Women are especially strong at shifting to cooperation to get their way, whereas men are not so inclined and especially with women. Women succeed by cooperating and thus calming or neutralizing the masculine urge to compete. It’s a natural ability and her willingness to use it is a basis of her charm.

Women compete assiduously before marriage to protect their chastity. Men compete constantly to overcome their resistance. Wives cooperate assiduously to keep their man. Men back off competing to support their wife’s sense of cooperation, especially when it uplifts their husbandly status. She shines up his admirable masculine image, and he bows to another maternal judgment aimed at keeping him for her children.

Her love is never enough. What love is to women, satisfaction is to men. Women are motivated to love others and by doing so they satisfy themselves; they are gratified by sharing it and so the urge never ends. They love others to please themselves; it’s the way they are designed by God, endowed by Nature, and energized by hormones.

Female love holds family members together; it’s the major glue of family maintenance. Men lack the self-love that women possess. Manly love focuses on hitting targeted achievements, overcoming difficult tasks, defeating tough opponents, and shaping human events. A man loves more what he does than who he is, quite the opposite of women.

Where women share their love, men tend to keep it to themselves. His love having been converted from what he is to who she is, it doesn’t shine near as brightly as hers. Uneasy on the issue of love by their nature, men are unable to compete with women in the sharing of love. So, they don’t try hard. They take a more virtuous path in the masculine mind where love is centered on what a man does, his responsibility, his duty.

Single men are service units waiting to be called by a resourceful woman. They are endowed with both ability and mindset to provide and protect those who need it. IOW, bachelors are ‘on call’ for those who solicit their service and reward their effort with a satisfying marriage. From accomplishments on behalf of those for whom he provides and protects, he can love all that he does and all for whom he does it. Investment of himself generates love for those he provides and protects; his heart follows his actions.

Whereas her love aims to keep others satisfied with themselves and their associations, his love surrounds his responsibility and his self-defined effectiveness fulfilling the connected duties. His love weakens with her doubts about his effectiveness. Questioning his performance means he’s under appreciated, under respected, and not depended upon. He begins to wonder about departure.

Only women have the ability to inspire men to marry and care for a family. Lacking that situation in which to produce, prove, and satisfy themselves, men turn to other interests, such as dodging marriage and chasing women exclusively for sex.

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2640. Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 04


I will soon shift from marriage to the strategy for courtship success. In the meantime, the strategy for marital success needs elaboration.

Considering marriage, promises are much harder to sell than subsequent delivery. Unfortunately, women think the promise of endless love is enough, when it is not even the right emphasis for holding a relationship together.

Marriage boils down to these motivations. She marries for the promise of loving him above all others. He marries for the promise of greater satisfaction with his life. Period. Stop there. That’s it in a nutshell. If she betrays her promise to be faithful to him alone, or he accumulates dissatisfaction with her or their life together, their relationship crumbles in spite of her love.

After marriage her love isn’t aimed so much at him as at the things she does to enhance their marriage. It serves her more than him, because what she does adds value to her self-image and -worth. She feels good getting her way in so many facets of their life together. Nevertheless, that nutshell above determines how stable their relationship continues.

Two factors work endlessly in background mode to hold them together. 1) Not even a hint of her infidelity, and the absence of hints depend on his faith in her, and her lovable behavior underwrites that faith. 2) His satisfaction with himself for marrying her, which depends on his satisfaction with her likeability and satisfaction of living with her.

Unfortunately, he’s not looking for promises of loving him after marriage. He weighs her premarital love against the likelihood of her being faithful to him alone, and that’s good enough. IOW, before they marry, her love confirms that she’s likely to remain faithful. After they marry, her love solidifies and holds their foundation in place more than impressing him.

Her promise of endless love does little to convince him to marry. He tries to decide if he will be more satisfied than now with both himself and their life together. That she will keep him satisfied with her and their life together is a far better script to follow than using smother love.

How can she get her way and successfully govern their marital agenda if she lacks a measurement target, such as keeping him satisfied? It’s her game to win or lose. Not that it’s fair, but that it’s natural and intended from birth. Blame attached to him makes matters worse, because it activates competition and men don’t lose to their woman. Thus, she’s responsible for marital success.

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