Tag Archives: agreements worked out in background

2689. Tradeoffs in Marriage #02


Here are a few more ounces of prevention—that is, agreeable pressures—that help stabilize and keep a marriage on track. A couple’s time together works it out mostly behind the scenes, easily accepted and settled in background.

  1. He’s convinced by her love and keeping him satisfied that she’s faithful. She’s convinced that he loves her by his apparent satisfaction living together pleasantly. His cherishing her doubles her conviction.
  2. Sexual relations that satisfy occur when she’s happy with the intimacy he provides, and he’s convinced that she appreciates his performance.
  3. He’s convinced by his nature that he needs no improvements in lovemaking. She thinks he needs a lot. Nevertheless, they continue as before with her being disappointed for lack of aptitude or fear of offending him. (To the peacekeeper, unfair is tolerable.)
  4. Her likeability keeps him living with her. Who he is and what he contributes keeps her living with him.
  5. His steadfast connection to her depends much on her steadfast admiration of him; he presumes admiration includes her respect, dependence, and gratitude. Her steadfast connection to him depends on his satisfying her expectations of his responsibility to her and family.
  6. They agree to divide marital responsibility. He’s overall in charge of their marriage, and his domain includes his job, hobby, (clicker?), and all else that he claims as his alone. She governs her domain that includes all else. (This works far better when they arrange it openly rather than letting it develop in background.)
  7. Husband and wife agree not to intrude in the other’s domain unless invited; it keeps his influence in home and family subject to her final authority and keeps her from intruding in matters about his job—unless invited, of course. It also expands mutual trust.

To the extent that couples work out agreeable pressures that shape their thoughts and behaviors such as those above, they find less to complain about.

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