Tag Archives: bed

193. Weans, tweens, and teens #5—The subconscious


According to one researcher, over 99 percent of a person’s behavior is controlled by the subconscious. It guides us through habits and routine tasks that require little or no thinking. It does so from early toddling to deep dementia.

For example, most body movements require little thought. Drive to work. Get ready for bed. Eat the meal before you. Prepare for sex.

Much behavior is involved in these efforts, but few conscious thoughts are required. The details need little attention, because the subconscious automates those tasks within boundaries of safety, sleep, taste, and enjoyment respectively.

Social success in adulthood needs good programming. Inadequate, abnormal, and poisonous programming—aka bad upbringing—produces unhappy, immature, and violent adults and even criminal and dysfunctional mates and parents.

Details will follow about five major factors that enable understanding the subconscious mind. Self-worth, self-image, and self-interest explain how it operates. Self-talk and self-fulfilling prophecy explain how it either matures or doesn’t adjust from earlier wiring and programming.

[Earlier posts about the mind are 177, 178, 187, and 192.]

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125. Virtual Virginity—#5


Virtual Virginity, aka VirtVirgin, means keeping her legs crossed before marriage. It puts her in the buyer’s seat and forces a man to be the seller, to make himself worthy of her instead of the other way around.

Her attractiveness spikes his interest for sex. It’s up to her to convert his interests to her. VirtVirgin does it best.

Her first refusal intensifies his effort. Subsequent refusals push him to look ever deeper for weaknesses, so as to capitalize on whatever will get her in bed. (This all presumes he accepts her refusals as other than rejections of him.)

As her refusals continue in courtship, he serendipitously discovers her admirable strengths and non-sexual qualities. These earn more respect for her potential as a keeper. (Provided, of course, he’s more  interested in her than just conqueror’s sex.)

That’s how VirtVirgin works to benefit her as buyer.  By contrast, enabling his conquest before marriage  reverses their roles:

·         He becomes the buyer and pays whatever low price she lets him get by with prior to conquest.

·         As the seller, she pays the highest possible cost, because she has only one conquest event with each man. (Women may not see it that way, but men do. Men change after conquest, and this forces women to change to stay abreast of him. (See more about their changes at post 27 below.)

·         Conquest is a relationship-changing event for a man. He quits looking so attentively at a conquered woman. Nature releases his mindset to pursue something or somebody else.

·         By yielding unmarried sex, she let him know what price she charges for submission. This naturally, automatically, and subconsciously programs his mind on how their relationship will work in the future.

·         This enlarges his expectations for getting his way with her—we’re talking greater male dominance here, aren’t we?

That’s how the act of denying unmarried sex turns her into winner and providing it enables him to move on to something other than intensely focusing on her. The longer and more intensely he stays focused on her, the greater their bonding and the more promising their future together.  

[More on VirtVirgin appears at posts 96, 70, 51, 44, 26, and 25 below.]

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72. Submissiveness—Section 2


A sexy man. Men perceive themselves with one primary persona in life—being a man. His sexiness helps, and if it’s not evident, he’ll prove it in bed.

Men don’t voluntarily abandon the hormonal urge of being a man. But they enlarge their persona when coached to do so by one woman. Since improvement requires a man to change, respect is her key to the operating room, submissiveness her surgical instrument.

A man expects to succeed as himself in all his relationship roles. He focuses primarily on provider-protector and needs a lot of feminine coaching to fully accept the friend, faithful mate, husband, father, affection-giver, and devoted-lover roles that his woman expects of him.

Whatever roles he fits himself into, he knows what he has to do in each. He claims certain domains and proceeds to fulfill his responsibility, overcome obstacles, and produce desirable goals to his satisfaction.

For example, his family needs more money, so he gets a second job. Wife expects more affection, so he washes her car. She expects help with spring cleaning, so he uses the leaf blower while she’s away. In all cases, he needs control over the appropriate domains of family life for him to be successful to himself.

If he’s not successful to himself, he’s not likely to be adequate for his woman. She may try to talk him into success, but his self-fulfilling prophecy can too easily prove otherwise. Eventually, they’ll fold as a couple.

It’s far more important that she help him succeed to himself than to her or the family—if he’s worth keeping. It’s the taproot of family integrity. People keep doing what they are successful at to themselves, as they see it, or as they want others to perceive it.

Post 73 is a sequel about the female side.

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