- Sex to her is giving of herself. To him, it’s taking—especially their first time together.
- She is the expert on relationships and bonding. He is the expert on sex and escaping.
- Starting at puberty, boys are turned off by female nagging—unless she’s a sex target as yet unconquered. It’s natural and for life.
- Women hunger for marriage. Men can easily do without.
- A man’s confidence emanates from his self-image, his picture of who and what he is. A woman’s emanates from her self-esteem, how well she likes herself as a person, her self-love.
- The masculine way is eat to enjoy life. The feminine way is eat to sustain life.
- The sexual pleasures for a woman are far outweighed by the other things she needs for a happy life. Men for the most part let sex substitute for whatever else is missing.
- Therapeutic recovery for a man lies within his work or doing something. A woman mostly relies on time for healing while unloading anguish to the sympathetic and empathetic ears of friends.
Tag Archives: bonding
Conquest has a releasing effect on him. He can move on. Mission accomplished.
Not so for her. Sex together, skin to skin, has a hormone-driven bonding effect on her.
He’s in the free, conquest dissolved. She’s up a tree, emotionally involved. The one with nothing to lose ‘owns’ the other.
Part I in post #377 describes the Fast Lane to Pain.
To slow the traffic, women may want to examine what makes them careen so easily into relationship pain. Four cause and effect consequences follow. (Many others appear in posts titled Dark Side of Feminism.)
First, radical feminists and activist followers attacked and killed unconditional respect for the male gender. Their male- bashing poison spread throughout the female gender. Men are just no darn good. The self-prophecy fulfills naturally.
The toxic spreading also wilted and withered the males’ unconditional respect for the female gender. It’s called reciprocity.
Second, a man’s enduring love builds upon two foundations: Unconditional respect for the female gender and conditional respect for one of its members. A strong combination enables him to see her as keeper. Anything less restricts his focus to her as just a temporary mate.
Thus, reciprocity weakened each man’s potential for loving one woman.
Third, the lack of unconditional respect for the male gender means that women show less respect for their man. This happens even though men expect a keeper’s respect more than anything else, including sex and love.
Fourth, Feminism taught women to want everything to be equal, but love never equalizes. Women love men, but men predominantly love their work. It’s the armor plate of a man’s significance.
She needs his love, but he does not absolutely need hers. Nice to have, but he predominantly expects her support and gratefulness for his efforts protecting and providing for her and their children. He primarily expects rewards for husbanding and fathering, and her love doesn’t close that circuit.
But, now that Feminism’s been called into question, unconditional respect for the opposite sex may start to improve. If so, bonding may more easily strengthen into deep and more enduring love.
Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do. Immature men make life tough, but the mature woman has the natural expertise to overcome.
She fears abandonment. She fears losing him above all else, whether killed, incapacitated, or a walk out. Abandonment strikes her ego as well as her heart.
She expects him to overextend himself, as necessary, to provide reassurances. The devoted husband sacrifices to avoid torturing his loveable wife with continual fears that weaken her appreciation for him.
He fears insignificance, and her eyes reflect it first. Her lack of respect and gratefulness makes his sense of significance decay. Wounding his spirit can be terminal.
Even slight decay can jumpstart motivational forces in him. He seeks to restore his sense of manliness—more independence, expensive toys, trophy woman, or just walk out. Mid-life crisis worsens whatever he chooses to do.
He doesn’t necessarily expect it, but ‘smart wife’ becomes head cheerleader for who he is and what he does. She also adds each child to the cheerleading squad.
Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do. Newlywed bonding comes from blending individual self-interests into mutual-interest.
She wants help when she needs it in a world she can’t control to her satisfaction. She chose him as help-mate. It’s up to her to make their partnership work. The less she depends on him, the more he moves toward his wants.
He wants independence. He traded some—but not nearly all—for the promise of greater significance with her. He expects her to respect his significant self and appreciate his good husbanding and fathering.
Tradeoffs lead to cooperation. Compared to him, she’s the relationship expert. This enables her to make it all work.
Rely on the card and then fail hard. Success at handling money tightly bonds a couple. Failure splits them even faster.
♂$♀ Adolescent decisions can kill good decision-making efforts. For example, newlyweds can’t spend their way into the middle class lifestyle their parents provided for them. Neither can they keep up with peers still living with parents. Try either and couples turn their lifestyle over to creditors.
♂$♀ Outrageous credit card interest rates and debt drag down anyone’s lifestyle. So, wiping out credit card interest payment is the fastest way to move a couple’s lifestyle upward—except for more income, of course.
♂$♀ Dealing with credit cards, good intentions are not nearly enough, not nearly enough, not nearly enough. Determination, firm plans, and loyalty to each other and their budgeting process are required. Both minds must be convinced that credit card interest payments are the financial equivalent of bringing home STDs.
♂$♀ Only one way out: Every couple should stop immediately charging on credit cards except as they set aside the money to pay it off with the next billing. Develop a system of tracking and the habit of paying cards off each month. Promise and deliver on the promise to never incur credit card interest payments, once current debt is paid off.
Empty promises deliver empty nests.
The next post facto is “Plan Ahead” at post 301.
[More about newlyweds appears at posts 261, 257, 254, 247, 242, 230 and 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]