- Men are notorious for proclaiming their love to facilitate conquest. Women are burdened to discriminate between a man’s words and actions, because he wants to keep his intentions to himself. She’s the last to know of his thinking about their future together—whether she’s a keeper, booty, or disposable—and she discovers it only if she yields. Neither complimentary nor in her interest to find out so late, it’s the male nature in action.
- Before conquest, a man’s conscience can’t be counted on to protect a woman’s interest. Only his actions reveal his true interest in protecting hers.
- Men are hunter conquerors, unconquered women their prey. Two conquerors face off. He for sex without obligation; it’s instinctive from birth. She for obligation without yielding sexually; it’s intuitive from how she’s raised. The first to conquer wins dominion over their future life together. If he marries without conquest, his respect for her is so high that he has no trouble allowing her dominion over home life and relationship. He can be satisfied living with her.
- A man pursues an unconquered woman in whom he invests much of his time, effort, and money but fails to bed her. She just won’t yield except on her terms. Men don’t often abandon good investments. She treats him as her leader and he expects his woman to love him. Her displays of love confirm his role as leader but she still competes to delay conquest. He looks for weaknesses that will produce conquest, but he keeps uncovering qualities that he can admire, her virtues. His present life grows more promising by her virtues. If she continues to refuse to yield, he figures it will take more effort, and so he tries harder. He aims more deliberately at capturing her for himself, and he continues to fail at conquest. Eventually he gives up chasing sex with her and determines that she’s more valuable to him than sex with her. It takes a while, but he proposes after he becomes convinced that he can be more satisfied with himself living with her rather than how he currently lives.
- She will lose her man with fault-finding and blame. Couples don’t breakup from the big emotional connections, such as weakening of love, respect, and suitability. They break up from lack of continuing mutual likeability and his satisfaction with himself. Adjustments are usually easier than separation. Couples break up primarily because of the accumulation of little irritants, annoyances, criticisms, expressions of anger, complaints stirred by frustration, emotional outbursts, blame, lack of forgetfulness about misbehavior, physical attractiveness made slovenly by insufficient personal care, and other negatives. All of which accumulates in the male mind as contrary to her words of love, on which she relies to uplift their relationship. IOW, her frequent negative actions outweigh her wordy alibis and loving affection, attention, and appreciation, which comes occasionally among the daily tirade of negative conclusions about her man.
Tag Archives: booty
Her Highness MeowMeow at 2153 asked about dating in one’s fifties. I expand it to ages 30 to 60 and deepen it to include developing (but not maintaining) a lifetime relationship. After all, that’s the unspoken objective and endless dream behind all dating for women in mid-life.
Some women too easily, however, give up before they exhaust the blessings they inherit at birth. They shouldn’t. Hope springs eternal from the heart of a woman, and by God’s design it enables you to make your world turn in your favor. Born to be happy, you earn it as you find and expand your gratefulness while searching, capturing, and relating with a man. Hopefully he’s valuable and beneficial for your mellowing lifestyle. But if he’s no better than adequate, it’s no reason to give up. You’re powerfully skilled to improve a relationship that starts out short of perfect.
Age doesn’t matter before first date if you exploit your relationship expertise. You aim at success. It calls for you to exploit your own strengths, compensate for your weaknesses, make the most of new man’s strengths, and ignore his weaknesses long enough to learn to also compensate for them. The female heart is wonderfully designed and powerfully blessed to exploit strengths and weaknesses and do it well. After learning, of course, and avoiding discouragement from the few or even more mistakes made along the way.
It all may sound too complex to fathom, but my role is to make the process simpler so you can make it easier for yourself and more meaningful for the next man in your life. I present this series in four major sections: a) the children (posted at 2156 and more to follow), b) relationship development process, c) your role, and d) the roles of men.
Relationship Development Process.
Others talk endlessly about the dating scene. Most women’s interest at every age, however, is about what dating leads to. It’s the start up to merging two or more lives together harmoniously and hopefully for life. So, all about dating that follows is designed to help women develop relationships that lead to permanency. All else is folderol or fun and games and irrelevant here.
By nature women are processors; they keep things going. Men are producers; they find satisfaction in making single events and results come out as intended. First date is a production and belongs to the man. Second date begins the relationship development process and your involvement. Being a series of events, dating one guy or many, the process works to the woman’s advantage or she’s not doing it right. That’s why women float along under the stewardship of each individual dater; return engagements are best produced by not driving the bus. Men are willing to deliver one date at a time, because they hope with minimal obligation to discover what price they must eventually pay to get you in bed.
You all know this but—especially during passionate moments—it’s inconvenient to remember it. Men date to associate and work up to getting sex. Women date to develop a lasting relationship. They compete. Each tries to sell the other on their agenda. He works directly but tries to disguise it with dynamic selling of himself. You work indirectly, and it takes you much longer to sell a man on your agenda. If you can’t find time and reason to hold him off and complete your sale, you yield first time sex and he wins and you may or may not lose him. What happens after his conquest is unknown until after it happens. He changes, and then you find out how accurate and true were his words. How he really, truly feels about you—or doesn’t. You take all the risk or you don’t get very far.
Unfortunately, that’s the only way for you to uncover a man’s intentions. Wait to see his actions and believe what he does after your first sex together, and locked in marriage is optimal. After his momentous conquest outside of marriage, he will be a changed man. He also takes charge of your sexual agenda as conqueror’s right, and you become keeper, booty, or dumpee. You don’t know which until the time comes, unless you have delayed conquest long enough for his devotion to you alone to have developed. That means months at least and perhaps a year or more of courtship.
Romantic love is often a scene stealer, disguiser of truth. It may or may not contribute to the enduring love that you hope will follow after romantic love fades a year or two after conquest.
Over the first few decades of life, the youthful attitudes of both sexes change. Out of unsuccessful relationships and soured marriages, the genders shy away from closeness except often for the mutual comfort of sex. But sex doesn’t bond men, only women.
Consequently, you are more interested than men for developing a relationship, and it generates three burdens for you in the dating arena. You have to virtually ignore risks to your feelings, learn to proceed cautiously, and have to earn the respect of each man you date. Moreover, development works best when you neither explain yourself or your feelings directly, nor try to convince him of your love with words. He believes much more easily what he figures out for himself.
You have to earn a permanent relationship. You do so by actions that show new man that he’s admired and favored over others. Oh, not on first date but both later and by indirectness. It enables him to see promise in you that can and likely will help fulfill his present life and future ambitions.
From day one you should claim these truths as part of your attitude. Men stay married when they sense themselves rewarded and admired for husbanding, fathering, and believing that only they can do as well at what they do best. That is, produce, provide, protect, and problem solve for those to whom they accept responsibility.
During dating and courtship, you should get your mind and heart wrapped around how to do your part in that scenario. After marriage is too late to start. Without it being habitual in your heart before marriage, the glow of bridal success will keep your focus elsewhere and thus hold you back. The absence of admiration, respect, dependence, and gratefulness for his presence in your life are toxic to a marriage, and so should be developed in courtship.
Men date for fun and games and put sex at the top of the priority list. When you don’t have a plan to follow, it releases men to follow their interest, which inevitably doesn’t work well for you. Expecting to develop a relationship, you do best when you have solid intentions that are more important in your heart than having a date or dates (more later about a plan).
That’s the territory. Now, let’s talk about the value of chaste courtships that fall automatically out of chaste dates and the promise of more chastity. It’s coming tomorrow at #2158.
671. A man’s natural pursuit of other females does not stop until one woman so captures his respect and captivates his imagination that he devotes himself to her alone. 
672. It’s a boob paradox. Women publicly appeal directly to the sexual interests of men. They capture men for sex, but they can’t hold one for long after infatuation, romantic love, and lust fade in a year or two. 
673. Men call it romance, whatever is required to initiate foreplay or sex. Women know romance as the special attention he pays her when sex is not at stake. 
674. She marries expecting him to change, but he doesn’t. He marries expecting her not to change, but she does. Both get what they don’t want. 
675. Erotic attire has one-person value: It puts the male mind on track to conquer or to show her off. Neither track is about her true self. 
676. After nakedness and conquest, there’s little left. Her ad campaign dies with conquest, as it kills his imagination except for future arousal. (Conquest is the man’s end-game. Booty sustains him between conquests.) 
677. Dating as a sex object plants the seed of booty for him but maybe only something better for her. 
678. Men want to move toward conquest at their pace. More mystery, modesty, and doubt about scoring slow it to her pace. 
679. Suggestive attire is more effective than erotic attire at energizing the imaginative side of the male mind. (The more he has to imagine, think, plot, and worry, the better for her.) 
680. The appeal of boobs lies in the challenge to get to them. Once uncovered, conquest is assured. 
631. Attractive but no-disclosure apparel makes men uncomfortable, because it makes women much more complex, mysterious, and perhaps out-of-reach sexually. Hence, more challenging and requiring more investment of his time and effort. 
632. Cleavage signals her breasts as mere stopover to conquest. With prospects made easier, his expectations rise. His natural sense of dominance doesn’t have to yield as his investment for sex. IOW, cleavage signals she’s willing for him to take charge of their sexual agenda even before conquest. He only has to pay some simple price that pleases her. 
633. Men dislike having their boldness held in check by a mere woman, especially when she makes it tougher with a façade of impenetrable mystery created with clothing, grooming, and lack of eagerness to bond. However, having to restrain their boldness makes men more gentlemanly and willing to paying a bigger price for conquest. 
634. Cleavage makes a man comfortable, “So little to do.” Modest attire makes a man uncomfortable, “How and what must I do to have my way with her.” 
635. First impressions are lasting ones. First dates plant the seeds of everything from no calls to marriage. Women have to take charge to make sure they gain the advantage. 
636. Both sexes tend to marry people like their mothers. But women take it too far. They mother their man and wilt on the vine of his resentment. 
637. If she’s after fun and excitement on first date, she’s planting seeds for anything and everything except permanent marriage. 
638. Trying ever harder to succeed with men, females turn sex into adventurism and free-brothel convenience for males. Booty calls, public fellatio, and groupies come to mind. 
639. Men hang with guys but date women. When women turn themselves into booty, men let them hang out too. (One Duke University senior claimed she never had a date in college and knew no one that had. Plenty of sex, but no dates? Man’s game or woman’s?) 
640. NOTE: To see what women become hanging out with guys, read Ariel Levy’s book, Female Chauvinist Pigs — Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture. 
Sir Eric at 2101 pondered life this way. “This is something I’ve never quite understood: I can’t imagine having sex with any woman I didn’t at least value in some way. It would seem actually to work the opposite way: a woman giving sex to a given man should, in theory, increase his respect for her.
What you say makes you a better man. It has significant appeal to women, and they seem to even shape their lives around that idea. Doing so, however, is flawed.
You probably learned such respectful values growing up; mother or other women taught you. You benefited from old school teachings. It used to be that way and girls knew to capitalize and complete the process to the advantage of females and children. Mothers tamed boys, girls guided teens toward marriage, and wives domesticated husbands for harmony in the home. It aimed at teaching males to respect females by females earning it.
Men don’t need to respect a woman to bed her. How often are you aware of men jumping into bed after taking only a short time to determine how respectable much less respected the women are?
Unless a man is taught in his youth to unconditionally respect women as unique and very different and very respectable creatures, it takes time for him to learn to respect each one. It’s the main disqualifier of masculine-style sexual freedom for women; they don’t earn the respect of men or each man they bed. Yielding sex does not earn masculine respect; in fact, cheap and easy conquest awards her disrespect. Moreover, if she’s easy for him, then she’s not respectable enough to be faithful to him. If the man has not paid his supreme sacrifice, namely yielding his independence on her behalf, she’s shortchanged of his respect.
The nature of man works like this. Men have two very differently motivated sex drives. The first is to conquer attractive women, That primal urge quits for each conquered woman but remains active for others. The second is the normal physiological and psychological urge that women know so well.
To conquerors, the vanquished earn as much respect as they are difficult to conquer; the higher her price, the more respect she earns. It’s not sex that earns respect, it’s her character that controls access to her sexual assets.
Having given up her most prized possession to him in their first sex together, he views her very differently and she’s easily disposable, candidate for booty, or a keeper for another reason. The other reason is respect based on her qualities other than sex. Qualities he can admire as virtues.
As to their subsequent sex, it’s routine because he as conqueror ‘owns’ the ‘right’. He may learn to like and enjoy it and it may entitle her to a great position in his life, but any additional respect that she accumulates comes from other than their sex together.
Female genitalia does not earn loyalty. However, it’s potential for loyalty can be realized, and she is born with the ability and talent. She lures without conquest in ways that produce devotion to her based on virtues that idealize her promise as his ‘support system’ to fulfill his life’s ambitions. IOW, a long chaste courtship which she arranges and manages in order to brighten her future by showing the promise to strengthen his life. As her virtues accumulate in his mind, his respect grows.
Eric’s standard is admirable. While it may not be rare, women are making it more so with masculine-style sexual freedom. Maximum respect of females is mutually exclusive with unmarried sex.
Her Highness Cinnamon asked for more about paying date costs. What about gray areas? Complicated financial situations? The only right answers are what’s right for the people involved. Exceptions and gray areas always exist and people do what’s in their best interest. Whether that’s the best for their relationship may become questionable when examined under the microscope of their respective natures.
Our basic natures are hardwired in ways that often rise up to haunt our decisions. Example: She pays for dinner and he never calls again. Or, he pays, calls her, and she never answers. Such risk can’t be eliminated, but knowing more about how the sexes are born differently makes it easier to minimize risk, develop compatibility, and foster continuing relationships. All of which are of much greater interest to women than men.
Consequently, my analysis of human nature endorses men paying all dating costs except for the cost of her preparation. Analysis reveals how people behave according to the default conditions they are born with and before they overwrite their hearts with contrary lessons learned in life. Each person must figure out what’s best for them at the time, place, and date. Hopefully in what follows, women will figure out ways for them personally to reduce the risk of losing candidates before relationships develop.
College men either started or refined the art. Men propagandize women into accepting that men take all the risk when they pay. However, men don’t explain their measure of risk, which is that the guy pays but gets no sex. IOW, men twist social argument to imply that dating is prostitution in action and men are unwilling to pay. The risk is too high; he might not score the first date. If he does score and goes back, they don’t date but hang out and share costs. Propagandized females ignore their hearts. They fall for the scam. They lose the ability to earn masculine respect from which manly love arises. They lose some ability to be likeable enough for men to want to proceed into the future with them.
So, let’s examine the motivational forces that linger in the background of dating.
- Men are normally the bigger risk takers. However, not with dating. Women crave dates to find mates and accept a much greater risk than men. It attests to natural female courage to date while not fully understanding the nature of men.
- Both sexes make easy whatever they have in mind as personal objectives. He looks short range and present oriented for results to either bed her or get a return date. She plans to explore the long range and his potential; she looks for promise of an extended relationship. He’s looking to sell, she’s looking to buy. Buyers don’t pay until they’re sold on seller’s product. Men hide their product by indirectly implying and perhaps encouraging women to think that marriage is behind a door that she can open under appropriate conditions that she must demystify. She can’t open a door to see what she gets until she yields sex, and even then he chooses the door. That’s when she discovers that his product is either 1) prospect of serious commitment and extended relationship, 2) her new role as booty, or 3) she’s dumped. Women should not pay to face three closed doors, when the odds are 2-1 against her—and she still has to morph 1) into marriage.
- Mutual motivation: While each date partner seeks to impress the other favorably, they do so while peeking through opposite sides of the same keyhole. He looks for sex and she for lures or links to marriage. It breeds insincerity from the get-go. Who is more likely to be insincere? The short-range or long-range thinker? I presume the short but that’s another story. For the opportunity to be insincere more easily than women, men should pay for the advantage. It’s not equality, it’s fairness. And men standup for fairness as diligently as women standup for equality.
- Their apparent reason for dating is to have a good time introducing themselves and exploring each other’s personality and character in face-to-face encounters. All done with having fun as the common denominator. But men expect and become the seller on dates. They market the promise of good togetherness, sell themselves as prime leaders, and choose venues and arrangements as marketing tools; as is the seller’s duty. Why should she pay seller’s expenses before she decides to buy what he’s selling.
- Selling is a process and not a result. Women are processors and do well at it. Men are producers and try to make processes more efficient. Which means that he changes over a series of dates with one woman; it’s an ‘admin cost’. She shouldn’t pay for the seller’s privilege to change his approach.
- His natural male purpose for dating is to check her out for access to sex and determine her likeability for further pursuit. IOW, his nature pushes him to uncover her weaknesses with the least expenditure of time, effort, and money. That puts a burden on him to initiate and to do so efficiently for his own sake, but it has marginal or zero benefit for her. He leads, subsumes his dominance into charm, and it denies her reasonable room to explore him except for what he chooses to reveal. He’s far more privileged for gaining knowledge about her; she’s limited for gaining knowledge about him. The proof is also in this pudding: She never knows if he will call again, but he’s not bothered that way. Therefore, he should pay for the privilege of exploring who she is and can be in his life. He pans for gold; she pays to make herself look golden just for him. Consequently, he should absorb responsibility to pay for the privilege of her presence on a date.
- Her natural female purpose is to help him determine just how worthy she is as potential girlfriend and how her potential for mating is superb.Her nature guides her to avoid bragging and to proceed more passively, which adds to his burden to initiate and then weigh her responses. He’s in the driver’s seat, she’s the passenger. If she proactively tries to convince him of her worth in his life, it turns him off. It begs the question, why should she pay when her options are limited to being the passive date? She has to accept what he gives. He judges her by what he uncovers. She judges him by what he discloses. As the passive participant, why should she pay when she is so limited in what she can accomplish or uncover about him—all of it being relative to how simply the same thing works to his advantage.
- Women primarily have fun on dates but it isn’t reusable. They learn little too, because sellers do the talking and shape the exchange of knowledge. Men primarily gain knowledge, which is reusable as he ponders future dates with the same woman. Men should pay for advantage gained.
- This would work to a woman’s disadvantage, but it’s an interesting thought. Why don’t women disclose how much they pay to prepare for a date? Because they sense in their heart of hearts that it’s the wrong thing to do. That relationships don’t develop well when money is brought into the equation. Better to develop the relationship and then deal with money issues after cooperative teamwork and hopefully devoted connections have been brought together out of romance.
In the final sweep up of such things, a woman dresses up at significant expense. She provides benefit to a date’s eyes, pleasure, and reputation for dating someone who thinks enough of him to dress well. After all, we dress according to the importance of the event in our lives. OTOH, men generate similar effect for their dates by spending on them. Her girlfriends measure her importance by how her dates spend on her. Never equal, but it’s highly fair when they both spend to make themselves look good and thereby impress the other. He pays date expenses, his duty. She pays preparation expenses, her duty. In both cases, the duty to impress, please, and focus their attention on each other as unique makes dating pleasurable. More so when they exploit their different natures rather than depending on lessons learned earlier in their lives.
This is the 18th group of three blessings that accompany women from birth and through the trials and tribulations of life. I’m grateful for your confirmations and the few doubts too; no disagreements thus far down the list.
52. Since a little girl I’ve known that I expect peace and harmony in my life but not how to produce it. Later in childhood my expectations grew into dreams of how to produce it by spreading my love to a mate and children. Adult maturity tells me—but I don’t always listen—that spreading my love requires dedication to specific things and diligence to make them standard or normal. For example, produce peace and harmony without demanding it, exemplify it without criticizing self or others, and blend the contradictions as if everybody is sometimes wrong but never bad. [Guy explains: Although you knew the root of it in early childhood, you didn’t realize the details until you gained relationship experience. IOW, your generating peace and harmony has been a natural endeavor from childhood onward. Think about it ladies. How early, much, and many times have you been confronted with the urge to find peace and harmony in whatever happens in your life? And what did you do but work toward it? Peace and harmony is a paramount female dream with roots in the womb, or so I believe. I italicized the how-to details that you may not yet realize are strong abilities also buried within the female nature and usable to facilitate peace and harmony. Let me know if you disagree those italicized abilities reside in your heart. If you agree, shouldn’t you grateful that you have such a blessing? Such a boodle bag of delicate skills to generate peace and harmony?]
53. I appreciate never having to prolong the agonies that self-forgiveness can relieve. The best gift from God or my will power comes when I forgive myself. [Guy adds: See how easy it is for toddler girls to forgive themselves? But guilt interferes later. Women don’t think they deserve to be forgiven for mistakes, shortcomings, or less-than-commendable attributes. They are so used to imposing, accepting, and living with guilt that they fail to consider reality, common sense, and their unique nature. God forgives everything, to ask penitently makes you deserving. So, how does a woman forgive herself? She confesses to herself penitently and her sincerity makes her deserving. Being in a relationship with herself in front of a mirror, she can’t fake sincerity there. While a bit of guilt may linger, it needn’t be incapacitating in the least if she sincerely forgives herself and believes that recovery is everything.]
54. I am so grateful that I get to choose my man my way. I will know him when I see him or very soon thereafter. [Guy says: In girlhood you dream so much about Mr. Right that every candidate appears fully qualified and you’re ever ready to sweep him off his feet. You set aside heart-felt caution as soon as you declare him Mr. Right. Your mind, however, says ‘heads up, you’re headed for trouble’. Your heart responds with ‘I don’t deserve him’ but I’m going to shoot the works, go all in. Your mind agrees and says ‘I can earn his love’. Oops, your emotional reasoning just hit a major snag; you turned yourself from buyer into seller. You try to make yourself worthy of him rather than the reverse. It may work for a year or so if romantic love captures you both but not permanently. When you act eager to capture him, you don’t earn his respect. Too eager and he learns to disrespect you. So, how do you sweep him off his feet after your eagerness and buyer’s spirit convince him—even before conquest—that you only qualify as possible booty? A stand-in for acceptance, a stand-by for sex means his feet stay anchored to the ground. It also means he quits looking for your qualities that he can admire as virtuous. Internal confusion causes your mistakes. Women misread their heart, which doesn’t tell them to sweep a guy off his feet. In fact, it’s the opposite. Instinctively, her heart says, ‘If he wants me he has to earn me’.]
Thank you for your confirmation, doubt, or disagreement. More blessings from the list will follow in a day or two.