Tag Archives: church-going

766. Beware Red Flags — Part 2

She has to make choices. I caution against being guided by her dreams about life with a man, his pledges of commitment, or perhaps their mutual intentions. She will do better deciding beforehand the choices to be made—regardless of who the man is—in these critical stages:

·        Dating is for fun. Courtship is for involvement. Engagement is for mutual examination. Church-going is for generating and improving devotion to each other. Does she know how she will handle each? How much time she will need? More importantly and when necessary, can she convince him of her rightness?

·        Pre-conquest is for generating his respect for her and shaping his thinking into more closely matching hers. Does she see this as her opportunity to shape forever their relationship?

·        Conquest is his reward—aka return on investment—for investing himself in her hopes and dreams. Did she remain chaste long enough for him to even learn her hopes and dreams? Will she yield on lust, intentions, promises, commitment, or devotion? Can she tell the difference?

·        When she yields sex, it releases him from his quest to conquer her. He changes to having an owner’s expectations, but will it be to her advantage or disadvantage? Can she tell ahead of time? For sure?

·        Marriage to him adds another mission to his life. Does she know what she has to give up in exchange for his independence?

Love-aholics and women desperate for a man can’t keep a man. Foolish women, much like adolescent girls, let love dominate their thinking. Love can’t be relied upon to successfully pick and keep a mate who will stick through thick and thin, raising kids, and providing comfort. For example, where do in-laws fit in? That’s next.



Filed under courtship

757. Response to Viewer — Item 21a

Her Highness Abigail prompted this article, when at post #751 she wondered that “…marriage seems like a raw deal for women.”

Of course it can be, but women are the relationship experts, so some blame attaches to them. They intuitively know how to manage and maintain a successful relationship. But that doesn’t mean they rely on their nature. She often ignores her man’s faults in courtship and then blames him as husband.

Also, for example, the wife can generate her own raw deal if she:

  • Forgets that marriage predominantly serves mother and her children, but it has to be ‘bought and paid for’ by her as wife.
  • Promotes equality over fairness in the home, e.g., dividing or expecting chore workload to be equal instead of settling for fairness to generate harmony. (Her relationship expertise endows her for success in knowing and settling differences, if she but drops any semblance of equality.)
  • Determines the values to guide living in her home and negotiates requirements and expectations during courtship, e.g., church-going, raising kids, integrity, temporary separations, faithfulness, etc.
  • Expects husband to be more like her or some other guy.
  • Becomes something different than the gal the husband courted and married, or she expects him to become something different.

Raw deals are made and not born. Both he and she have coarse sandpaper to rub against sensitive emotions. But she’s better equipped than he to soothe the biggest irritations by feathering and nursing the edges into harmony.

P.S. Gold-diggers may have a better idea, as Abigail suggested, but they start with different objectives and values and end up with results different from what most women desire.


Filed under Fickle female