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2209. Hits: Rebuffs and Rejections


I give up. So many combinations and permutations of hits, men’s motivations, and women’s motivations and individual reactions that I can’t describe how best to handle each. So, I propose you figure out how to use the following to your advantage.

  • There are only two kinds of hits. Those that you appreciate and those that you don’t, guys that may appeal to you and guys that don’t. So, take the easy way out.
  • WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. I propose that rebuffing each guy’s first hit on you does that.

In defense of being falsely accused, what motivates men to hit on women? It’s far more than ‘just one thing’, although that always lingers and sometimes lurks in the background. Chatting with an attractive lady who encourages him to tell about himself is a very inviting exchange of thoughts for many men. Men hope for their mate to be attractive, and so they start looking among the best. A lot of self-admiration can be earned by a man just sweet talking a pretty woman into finding him likeable. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman and many start with virtues they see in attractive women. Men can be innocent too but women only see them as being after that one thing, which sharpens the finger of blame for some women and cautions others into fearfulness.

Self-talk at mirror time can help immensely to prepare for four kinds of hitters.

  • Guy A pleases or compliments you. Also, he appeals to you as prospect for a relationship. As a lady, rebuff him with smiles and encouragement but determination that he’s finished for that first encounter. He has to know you’re not a pushover, and he only believes actions that he sees. If he returns for another encounter, handle him as suggested with guy B next.
  • Guy B pleases or compliments you. As a lady, give him benefit of the doubt but rebuff him as matter of principle. If he comes back for next or more hits, make him suffer the agony of uncertainty. Keep him off balance and uncomfortable. It’s called screening, and his repetitive effort is his investing of himself. After a few encounters he may bloom for you, but he should earn every step. Perhaps a potential Mr. GoodEnough, but the first rebuff got his attention that he had to work to win you.
  • Guy C displeases or offends you. Dismiss him with ladylike composure and without anger. It impresses observers more than guy C, which makes it a game changer for all those other guys thinking of you and for all the women who learn to have new respect for you.
  • Guy D just comes on as very pleasant and likeable but not like A, B, or C.

The guys that come back for another encounter are likely interested in you more than sex but no guarantees. By ending the first hit with rebuff, your screening process takes a great stride forward.

Sample rebuffs and dismissals. Don’t claim yourself to be good or try to convince or explain or complain. Refer to how you’re obligated to or respectful of others. And don’t accept guys saying anything else. You end it with your response and don’t accept more from them.

  • Hit from Guy A: Smile as if you like him. “Men are never more handsome than when they please a lady, but I’m busy now.” If that’s not enough for him, he may not be an A.
  • Hit from Guy B: “I love compliments but I’m busy now.”
  • Hit from Guy C: Stare a few seconds, give him a long silence (you know, the old evil eye), and then turn away as a determined lady rather than disgusted woman.
  • Hit from Guy D: “Try again sometime. I think I’d like to know you, but I’m busy now.”
  • Hitter is married: “I would never betray a sister female, especially your wife. Goodbye.”
  • You’re married: “Thanks but I like it much better when my husband says that.” Or, “My husband would never say such a thing. He’s such a gentleman. Goodbye.”
  • He’s a hottie, rich guy, or beamer driver: “You’re kidding, right? I’m supposed to drop who I am for you? Bug off, buster, you don’t qualify for me.”
  • Hit in church: “I gave my heart to the Lord” (and walk away). If guy A or B invites for coffee after church, it’s another matter but still refuse first invitation. Not to be mean but to stand on your principle that all men are to be treated equally when they first approach you. It’s your standard, without which men have less to step up to in order to prove themselves worthy of you.

You’re made differently, so exploit it. You can’t stop being hit on, but you can win every encounter and send yourself off with grand rather than demeaning feelings about yourself. You can easily teach men that your self-respect and feelings are not to be tampered with. Your action, your immediate response can cure disappointment, discomfort, disruption, and disrespect when you’re surprised.

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2154. Compatibility Axioms #681-690


681. Modest attire signals covered boobs to be protected boobs. Cleavage drastically eases his worry about gaining access.  [235]

682. She assertively initiates unmarried sex—will she be led to church or left in the lurch? Odds favor the latter. [236]

683. New mothers that have no husband to love them indulge their children in false hope mom will be more deeply appreciated.  [236]

684. She wears her heart on her sleeve, just to be sure he understands her—mystique or mistake? Probably the latter. [236]

685. She goes for one-night stands and complains when he doesn’t call. Who’s at fault? The giver or the taker? [236]

686. Girls providing fellatio in public add dignity to the female gender, and that encourages masculine respect. Right? [236]

687. She gets in his face loudly to win an argument. Is she attractive to keep around or just another guy to ignore? [236]

688. A woman’s moral standards set boundaries for a guy’s treatment of her. Her enforcement holds him in line, earns his respect, and sends silent messages about how life will be with her. [237]

689. Except for the physical, feminine nature easily counterbalances male dominance. But modern women abandon their strengths for doing so. If he’s comfortable, he’s in control. If he’s uncomfortable, she’s in control. [237]

690. Her mystery, morality, and modesty signal ‘permission denied’ for male boldness. It checks him, before he ventures too far. His need for caution makes him uncomfortable, which adds to her ability to dominate. [237]

 

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769. Beware Red Flags — Part 5


Many more red flags may wave before your eyes, but the following complete this series. Again, thanks to Her Highness Sara for prompting it at post 756.

·        AMBITION: Is he working toward higher goals to improve himself? Ask where he got his work ethic. The flag should turn super red and wigwag in your face, if he’s not even familiar with the term.

·        POLITICS: Do your political beliefs or ideologies differ? You have probably thought through what you’ll do about different religious beliefs. However, assume different political ideologies as contradictory beliefs, and emotion enters the picture to become a big red flag. It takes above average mutual respect to match them compatibly. Religious principles guide us; ideologies drive us to persuade others.

·        CHURCH: He doesn’t go to church? Believe in God? Born again? Does he believe in anything outside himself up to which he lives? Do his actions confirm it? The absence of living up to something higher than oneself fosters self-centeredness, and that destabilizes a marriage.

·        OTHERS: How does he treat people obligated to him when things go wrong, such as servers, sales people, paid helpers, employees? Respectfully or not? Temper flare ups? You should probably expect the same, when you displease him after conquest or marriage or both.

·        DRIVE: What motivates him to rise above the ordinary? Ambition? Fun? Entertainment? Hunger for success? Fear of failure? Work ethic? Fear of disappointing you, mom, or someone else?

·        SEX: If he won’t respectfully honor your desire for chastity, after conquest he won’t honor your other desires and judgments as you expect it from a mate. Few if any red flags are more important.

A flag means caution when you see red. You’re both judge and jury about what makes you cautious. Choices have consequences, so start slow, go slow, commit slower, and marry based on mutual devotion.

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261. Newlywed Bonding #7 — Look, then leap


Here’s more to help guide newlyweds. These principles, beliefs, attitudes, and convictions can be tailored to fit or rejected by each couple to help fulfill their hopes and dreams. Advice is labeled as such.

♂$♀  Budgeting comes easily if a couple focuses on building a successful mixture of spousal interaction. Lots of imagination, small bits of will power, negotiable cooperation, and frequent confirmation of mutual trust can all be energized through the budgeting process.

♂$♀  Ignore what’s past. Assume decisions already made were sound at the time. Else, you would not have made them. Hindsight sees too many mistakes; those little buggers trigger spousal disputes. Why pay attention to what can haunt, irritate, and demotivate you or generate distrust for spouse or your budgeting process?

♂$♀   Pay yourself first: Save at least 10% off the top for long term savings for home purchase and retirement. Otherwise, late in life you will limp financially before physically. It’s best the other way around.  

♂$♀  At the start of the year, allocate for church giving and short-term savings to cover Christmas and vacation spending. Then, commit to not overspending on the last two items.

♂$♀  This is ADVICE: Determine the level, develop a plan, and purposely live a lifestyle at considerably less than 100 percent of income. Doing it is critical; the percentage goal is less so.

Evil incarnate comes in next post.

[More about newlyweds appears at posts 257, 254, 247, 242, 230 and 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]

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236. Female malpractice — Part 7


♣ She assertively initiates unmarried sex—will she be led to church or left in the lurch? Odds favor the latter.

♣ New mothers that have no husband to love them indulge their children in hope mom will be more deeply appreciated. 

♣ She wears her heart on her sleeve, just to be sure he understands her—mystique or mistake? Probably the latter.

♣ She goes for one-night stands and bitches when he doesn’t call. Who’s at fault? The giver or the taker?

♣ Girls providing fellatio in public add dignity to the female gender. Right?

♣ Young women join adolescent men in raucously and raunchly applauding women stripping, pole dancing, using dildos. Debase your own gender and expect manly respect for anything but sex? Reflect badly on the gender? 

♣ She gets in his face loudly to win an argument. Is she attractive to keep around or just another guy to ignore?

♣ A woman kisses a frog into princehood. They marry. Then, she neuters him with words that wound his spirit for any kind of life with her. Then she can’t stand him, because he becomes more like what she calls him. Also, he can’t stand himself being with her.

[More about female malpractice appears in posts 221, 206, 189, 175, 164, and 150. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot and space following it.]

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229. Sex and the fickle girl—Part 10


♀ Women can access sexual relations at whatever speed, frequency, and convenience they desire. Men can’t. So who wins when women adopt masculine-style sexual freedom? Who loses as enabled men flit blossom-to-blossom?

♀ If she can’t risk being dumped to slow his inevitable conquest, she’s highly vulnerable to being dumped later.

♀ Modern women rely on sex, hope, and loving affection to bond their future with a man. But short relationships show it doesn’t work very well.

♀ Women don’t just want men to bond. They want a husband as bond servant to help with housekeeping, child care, constant togetherness.

♀ Women dress their young daughters like hookers and allow adolescent girls to dress likewise—even in church. Pastors stew in near silence. The Marrying Man looks for someone else. Respectable fathers shake their head in exasperation.

♀ Women are not hunters by nature. Yet, some abandon the female persona, hunt with erotic attire, and offer sex with little obligation. When they fail to enjoy life as men do, ennui and depression set in.

♀ Women expect to kiss a frog into prince hood. Men expect their woman to elevate them from prince to king. Modern women fail to provide this second ‘promotion’.

 

[More about sex and fickle females appears in posts 216, 201, 184, 170, 160, 148, 137, 93, and 34. Scroll down or search by the number followed by a dot and space.]

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200. What daughters never hear—Section 2


♀ Commitment made before conquest fades or dies afterward. A man’s devotion dips a little after conquest but returns.

♀ Everything looks and tastes better when you’re grateful.

♀ Selfishness interferes with gratitude, the absence of which causes unhappiness.

♀ A man’s devotion depends on his respect for a woman, which mostly floats on her wavy ocean of self-respect, exceptionalness as a female, feminine virtue, and likeability as potential mate.

♀ A man’s enduring love is built upon his respect for women generally and respect and likeability of one in particular. Need for her intensifies his devotion.

♀ After conquest a woman ceases to be a challenge, because a man’s most pressing goal has been accomplished. He moves on to his current mission in life, whether she’s his keeper or a dumpee.

♀ Modest attire sends the message she’s interested in long-term relationships. Immodest attire signals she’s interested in a man, period.

♀ Christian men complain that young women and girls dress so seductively for church that they discredit God and steal male attention away from church teachings. Church-going men usually make good husbands, but they must be proud of how their wife appears in public.

[More that daughters never hear can be found at post 183. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

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