Subject: This the first of four stages of relationship development: dates with a guy, courtship with boyfriend, engagement with fiancé, and married with husband. Four different roles that men pass through at the pleasure of a woman.
Relationships develop best when women establish their standards, figuratively write the rules, and stick by them. The younger she starts the better. It helps for each girl or woman to journalize requirements for both her and candidates for Mr. GoodEnough. She already has her hopes and dreams for marriage.
Here’s how dating work best. The purpose is to build your case that you’re worthy and owed something for your time, effort, and consideration of every man’s interest in you. You intend to be super-valuable to the man who finally earns you with a ring.
Your attitude sets the stage. Work your tail to the bone to capture a guy for dating or courtship and you will produce less of what you want in the end. Try to be liked and you won’t be. Focus on winning his heart, and you won’t hold it for long. Focus your thinking on convincing him of your everlasting love, and you’ll subdue if not kill his interest in you.
OTOH, enable him to date and escort as he designs and figures what he’s willing to do to win your favor. You smooth out the roughness that ensues and shape the relationship into what makes you valuable to him and worthy of him. While he tries to conquer you for sex, you try to discover his character as worthy of you for marriage. If he isn’t good enough, you’re wasting your valuable time and limited youthful appearance.
Try too hard to date well, and you’ll likely miss out on courtship. If he doesn’t have to work hard to win you for a steady girlfriend, you won’t be all that valuable or permanent in his heart. Your purpose for date 1 is to get date 2. For date 2 is to get date 3 and on and on until you discreetly promote and generate routine togetherness, which morphs into courtship declared to be underway as described in the second article of this series.
He has to pay for your attention and company, which means that he pays for dates. In response to his urge to conquer, you respond with your insistence that you’re too worthy of some man willing to pay a higher price in terms of obligation. Draw the line against any talking about sex except this: Affirm that he’s free to pursue sex with others, that it’s none of your business. Let him know that you don’t care what he does except when with you, and that includes no more talk about sex.
Go to quiet mode or change the subject every time and every which way he manages to bring it up. Dating doesn’t open the sex door, or there’s less reward for you when you enter courtship. Let him know indirectly that even the privilege of talking about sex must be earned. (All of the above done indirectly and not using such direct terms as I use. Feminine skill and relationship expertise is required for dating.)
Dating boils down to this. Recognize and let him as the leader initiate the exposure of feelings. To show that you yearn for his attention or are eager for his affection is to show that he can win you with less effort, which makes his challenge smaller, which makes his winning less meaningful, which makes his dating you less important in his life, which except for sex makes you unimportant.
Stage two, courtship, is coming up next.