Tag Archives: criticism

2148. Recovery from A.D.D.

They are born this way. Women have affection deficit disorder. Men have affection delivery disorder. The hearts and minds of the superior sex, aka the irresistible force, are blessed with the patience and temperament to move the dominant sex, aka the immovable object, and cure A.D.D.

Her Highness Beloved at 2147 asked: “So how do you train him to be affectionate?” The subject has universal appeal, so I shifted my response to this article. You ladies probably have developed better and more enchanting techniques, but here goes my suggestion.

First, your mission. Encourage your man to expand his actions that express his love to include more and better displays of affection, and do all that in order to more pleasingly light up and make the love of his life to shine in his favor and face.

Encouragement always excludes blame, faultfinding, criticism, and displays of disappointment. So, the mission calls for suppression of your negative feelings about the subject of affection and perhaps other subjects. Everything is relative, recovery is everything, and so recovery is also relative as to what will come out of your effort.

Second, don’t complain about him and don’t explain yourself. Also, don’t get angry or frustrated when your expectations are not met. Be patient and rely on your heart rather than just your mind. Forming a new habit takes many events over time; 90 days is not unusual. And men do best when they learn to do what they figure out is best for them.

Third, find numerous ways to interact with him pleasantly and perhaps even silently to convey what you expect out of him. I suggest hints, suggestions, and a seed planting campaign such as the following. A few times a day may not be too much early in marriage but might be too much early in courtship. If you’ve been married awhile, move slowly. Don’t be obvious; it causes suspicion about your motivation.

  • Interrupt what you do daily to interact eye-to-eye with him in ways that he appreciates. Just ‘howdy’ smiles to show your appreciation for his presence. Silent displays of your affection register powerfully with a man, but they don’t draw immediate and similar responses. Your affection confirms that all is well, so he need not contribute. He does that regularly in his daily actions of being with you and providing/protecting—or so his nature guides him.
  • Remember, men don’t appreciate interruptions when they are doing complicated things, such as reading the newspaper and watching TV. You should catch him between events. Female smoothness can add sugar to carry interruptions in your favor, but don’t make it too sweet. It generates suspicion about motivation, which is ‘ungood’.
  • When asked to do something and before you do it, ask, “Do I deserve some encouragement? Would you turn me loose to do such a humongous thing, make such a gigantic effort, without so much as a smooch? Hug? Promise?” (Make him laugh and feel good about himself.)
  • After you’ve done something that he asked or you did something to please him, then confirm your enjoyment of him and inquire with a huge smile: “Do I get/deserve/have I earned special treatment? My buns drag and no one wants to give me a lift? You have any ideas for a pick me up? No, a pat on the buns isn’t enough.”
  • When he does something to please you or you need some attention. Highlight your attractiveness as he likes to see you, smile charmingly, and wave gently with both hands pointed upward and friendly for him to come near. (I like the idea of making it a ritual before you head for the bedroom at night.) At first you may have to close the last few inches of the gap for physical contact, but he will finally figure out what you want and see eventually that you need it. Find ways to reward him for showing whatever affection he displays to please you. The object is to convert his thoughts to pleasing himself for pleasing you and to make it habitual.
  • Exploit his departure for work just as you send children off to school. Make it pleasant but include kiss and push for a hug. If you don’t have the time because of your schedule, improve your schedule to ensure you pay faithful attention to your craving for affection.
  • But be alert to his reactions. You’ll figure it out if you go too far or too much, so teach yourself to also pull back in those cases. Go slower, gentler, and less deserving but get what you are after, but which is so difficult to pull out of his contrary nature.
  • Patiently connect mutual thinking together with this thought. He may not but you do expect displays of affection to be shown both visually and physically. It’s your fruit from his tree of devotion. You do all manner of things to fertilize his tree, and you expect the fruit to fall rather than be plucked or bought. Fruit more freely given wraps your heart in foil impenetrable by and for anyone else. He needs to know that but should learn it indirectly; i.e., he figures it out rather than being told directly.

When he figures out that showing affection is his duty, it will become habit. But be aware, he may never be as affectionate as you like. If he isn’t, you probably have to live with whatever progress he has made. Don’t change your habits of encouraging him for more, but expect that you will have to do the hinting and suggesting forever.

The most admirable quality in a man is the spreading of his affection to the one that admires him and his affection the most. He needs to learn that. It’s a tough teaching job even for relationship experts. Men just don’t want to disclose their feelings when their actions are so loud—but only to them.

You relationship experts need to reinforce this thought in your heart of hearts. You expect your man to deliver what is not in his nature to expose, that is, how he feels. His actions convey his feelings, or at least all he wants to expose. All progress is great progress and some may have to be enough. His nature resists more extensive displays of his feelings, once he has admitted that you were right at needing—and now getting—more affection. In his heart of hearts, he’s done enough. You’ll just have to get along with that. So, color yourself blessed to the extent that he thinks displaying his affection is his duty.

That’s my suggestion for working on a cure for A.D.D.



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713. Gender Differences Revisited — Group E

The sexes are different in hundreds of ways. Differences are natural and appear unfair or unequal only when one sex strives to uplift itself at the expense of the other, as Feminism has done for decades.

  1. The more masculine she acts, the less admirably appealing she appears to a man. The more admirably masculine he acts, the more appealing he appears to a woman. 
  2. A criticized woman tries to improve. A criticized man proves criticism undeserved.
  3. Immature men mistreat women. Immature women imitate masculine behavior.
  4. A man’s self-image is more important to him than his self-esteem. Women are the reverse.
  5. Husbands want to be confirmed as significant, but wives provide affection. Wives want to be shown affection, but men focus on their physical appeal.
  6. His sharp tongue wounds her spirit, just as hers wounds him. A mature woman with a wounded spirit works harder to recover and do better. Men and immature females with a wounded spirit seek someone else to nurse away their hurt.
  7. Women expect to criticize their man and remain in love with him. Men criticize their woman and weaken their respect for her.
  8. Men receive criticism as reduced dependence on him. Women receive criticism and feel guilty.
  9. God designed and Nature endows women as relationship experts. Men acknowledge their inferiority in this matter by paying little attention to relationship maintenance.
  10. A man’s drive to be head of the house far overpowers a woman’s natural objections to it. 

Many more to follow.

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410. KEEPERS FOR KEEPERS—Assortment 7

Some nuggets, just like a good mate, are keepers.

☼ A man’s dedication to legal, moral, or religious principles overpowers his natural urge to hunt and conquer or just seek somebody younger. [17]  

☼ A woman’s ego restricts her from treating him as king, because she’s driven naturally to dominate her nest and their home. [4]

☼ Cheap sex teaches men that relationships are, and of masculine right should be, temporary. [8]

☼ Devotion lasts, commitment may not. [13]

☼ Enduring love, the kind that lasts forever, is neither spontaneous nor easily terminated. [17]

Feminism unleashes the savage male beast. Femininity tames it. [1]

☼ Her immodesty and lack of self-restraint endorses the man’s game of wham, bam, thank you, mam. [12]

☼ If shack up or marry up is not the man’s idea, then he will not long honor whatever relationship arrangement he enters. [7]

☼ Men can be intuitive too. When she thinks he deserves her criticism, he instinctively disagrees. [17]

If she does not slow him to her schedule for conquest, he departs sooner or later. [17]



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175. Female malpractice—Part 3

♣ Morality serves women much more than men. To the extent a woman fails to live within and uphold a self-imposed strong moral code, she can expect mistreatment by men and consequent mistreatment of herself by herself.

♣ Women choose to ignore this benefit dealing with a man. When she repeatedly refuses their first-time sex, he honors her wishes, explores her qualities, heeds her strengths, and accepts her weaknesses. More importantly, she learns whether he’s after her or just after sex. (Details appear in posts about Virtual Virginity.)

♣ Women use sex to capture men for short-term benefits. Long term relationships are thus greatly weakened.

Men expect respect and gratitude from their woman. Her encouraging and cheering him onward and upward provides it. Nagging and criticism cancel it.

♣ Women yield first time sex to men who threaten to leave if she doesn’t. Next step: Dumped. It’s not her. He got what he’s after.

Men flourish with a woman’s respect and gratefulness much more than her love and affection. Modern women provide love and affection well punctuated with disrespect and ingratitude.

♣ Men are as handsome, charming, and beneficial as women treat them. They are as unappealing, aggressive, and dominant as women call them. The self-fulfilling prophecy works both ways.


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150. Female malpractice—Part 1

The traditional battle of the sexes escalated. We now have a war of the sexes. Feminism prompted women to drop their femininity. In the process, feminists declared men to be inadequate, irresponsible, and blameworthy for overplaying male dominance; women donned a war bonnet. For the most part, men don’t appreciate it.

Generally, women show too much disrespect for their man, and men tire of it. For example:

·         He never measures up to her expectations that are so heavily weighted down with feminist theory and dogma.

·         She values the feminine-like side of his personality more than his masculine persona. Being thoughtful, pleasant, and accommodating outweighs his producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving.

·         Her private time is respected. His gets interrupted.

·         She supervises the Honey-do list so closely as to be offensive.

·         She corrects him as if scolding a child.

·         She dislikes and tries to correct his masculine expressions and manliness.

·         She interferes with his way of doing things, as if he needs her input for everything.

·         She excuses her frequent criticism by calling it ‘constructive’.

Continually faced with her disrespect, he either rebels aggressively or stews in silence. Even if he stays with her, she invites his eye to wander. Thus, female malpractice puts her on the fast click to the recycle bin.

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17. Dear Daughter — first letter

♀ After a couple has sex the first time, he owns their sexual agenda. It’s his right of conquest. If she balks and does not learn to outsmart or outmaneuver him on the issue, he departs sooner or later.

♀ A long courtship without sex enables her to slowly grow the conviction that she needs and trusts him for who he is and not just for being a man and what he says. On the other hand, having sex with him bonds her, but not him, and this keeps her from objectively evaluating him as a potential husband—for her.

♂ Sex differences are more important in relationships than sex likenesses. One woman claims that femininity adds color to a man’s black and white world. The Reverend Billy Graham says of his 54-year marriage, “Ruth and I are happily incompatible.” As another man claims, “It took the first 35 years to get her trained exactly like she wants me.”

♂ Do you think your man can’t get any worse? I once heard a guy introduce his wife to another man this way in the presence of three male friends: “This is my ugly wife, (her name).”

♀ A mature woman can cope with her man’s sharp tongue much easier than he can with hers.

♀ A wife is a reflection of her husband. A wife is a reflection of her husband. A wife is a reflec….

 ♂ After a man conquers you, he knows you well enough to move on to something else that may or may not include you. It’s his nature.

♀ A woman needs to obey her nature to become extraordinary so a man will marry her for keeps. Feminine mystique, strong-willed female modesty, and female-protective moral standards generate reflections of extraordinariness in each man’s eyes.

♂ Extraordinariness to men means that he and other men haven’t had her and can’t have her without paying the dearest price of masculine freedom.

♀ Female relationship expertise demands high standards and expectations for oneself. Without values that override your emotions, living with a man does not work well.

Describing workable marriage is simple. Men seek freedom, but wives seek to curtail it. This obligates each woman as girlfriend, fiancé, and wife to respectively generate, intensify, and sustain her man’s devotion to her. Only that—reinforced by his dedication to legal, moral, or religious principles—will consistently overpower a man’s natural urge to hunt and conquer or just seek somebody younger.  

♂ Remember this, kids always have lower status and stature than husband, if you intend to keep him.

Men can be intuitive too. When you think he deserves your criticism, he instinctively disagrees.

Never trust what people say motivates them. Not to accuse them of lying, but to point out that most explanations have collateral if not hidden agendas that make the speaker look good or someone else appear to be less so.

♀ Romantic love is based on infatuation that arises from masculine lust and female dreams. It fades after spending a year or two as a couple. Enduring love, the kind that lasts forever, is neither as spontaneous nor easily terminated.

♂♀ Successful marriage is a swap meet. He yields his freedom for her dedication to him and his dreams. She yields her independence for dependence on him.

♀ Wives can dress two ways: Seductively to attract other men, or attractively and modestly so as to reflect credit on husband. The former endangers, the latter helps sustain marriage.

Selfishness and self-centeredness by either mate add toxins to a couple’s life. It may take years, but the relationship expert—you—can learn to detoxify most of what arises.

♀ Here’s some advice on how to capture and hold a good man: Love being female, act it, and don’t envy men except for those with admirable character traits. Keep legs crossed at least until after—but never in response to—his serious proposal for marriage. (Make him wait longer and never shack up—that’s the man’s game.) Be patient waiting for his actions to expand into devotion at the level you can live with forever. Make him the seller and make yourself the buyer for marriage. Don’t marry until he needs no more upgrades in his devotion to you to please you for life.


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