Her Highness Denise at post 1428 asked for my perspective on two options. She expressed them so effectively that I copy them here.
Option A: “Some women embrace the idea that you are single until married, meaning that even though you might spend time with someone in a romantic context, until a man proposes, you remain free to entertain the interest of whomever you desire should you choose to do so.”
Option B: “Others claim that this is disloyal, unfaithful, etc. and that if you are seriously interested in someone, that interest ought to be expressed through a committed, exclusive dating relationship where both parties are off limits to anyone else so long as you are an ‘official’ couple.”
Option A may produce relationship disappointments. But generally it’s far superior to Option B. Today I go with Option A which:
- Challenges each man to try harder. Men are more predictable and worthy when rising to challenges that weaken their self-centeredness.
- Takes advantage of the male nature; men don’t appreciate unearned gifts. If she’s dates others, every interested guy sees that he has to earn her; she won’t be giving herself to him before marriage. It makes his self-questioning shift to what kind of wife will she be? That makes him want to gain further information aka try harder. The more he thinks of things related to marriage, the more his subconscious mind tends to take him in that direction.
- Lets men know indirectly that they have to earn her, make themselves worthy of her. If a date can’t grasp the consequences of her indirectness, he won’t likely be able to understand her wishes in a marriage.
- Teaches men to find new ways to please her. Old ways don’t work or she wouldn’t be dating other guys. Right?
- It puts all pursuers in competition with her as the judge of who best fits her requirements and expectations.
- It puts her in competition with each pursuer, which is the superior position for bachelorettes.
- Empowers her to shop comparatively within the romantic context of her life. How much romance does she need and who provides it the best?
- Helps her determine which dates show affection because it pleases them to please her. Or determine which guys show affection to get something. How well do her dates fulfill her wishes for affection?
- Enables her to uncover the romantic capability and potential of each man she dates. Firsthand experience is more reliable for brightening a woman’s future than dreamy wishes and hopes.
- Finally, the coup de grace. This mental process prepares him for her capture. Each guy truly interested in her and worthy of becoming Mr. GoodEnough thinks like this. It preys on his mind before, during, and after all dates. Does she have sex with all those other dudes, dates, guy, friends, employers? Why don’t I rate sex if they do? But do they? Can I be sure? How can I find out? If she does it with me then she obviously does it with the others. If she won’t yield to me, then probably/perhaps/hopefully she doesn’t yield for the others. Hmmm! Over time and much less consciously, his mind drifts toward this: If she doesn’t yield to them either, it means that she may be good enough to be my wife. Hmmm! I’ll have to get to know her better. Improve my dating techniques, maybe please her more. But conquering her for sex still comes first.
Option A helps a woman if she plays her cards correctly. Option B is far riskier. The cards are stacked against her. Women as the relationship experts should be aware of the differences. The next three daily articles cite many weaknesses in Option B.