Tag Archives: devotion to her

1799. Sex Difference Redux—Part 50: Conquest Changes Her Too

Two conquerors face off. From before their first date, he seeks to conquer her for sex. After a date or three at the latest, she seeks to conquer him for marriage. The winner becomes the major influence in their relationship.

A man leads two lives with every woman to whom he is attracted. He is one way before he conquers her. He changes after conquest (details at #1759) and shapes their relationship around ‘rights of conquest’ to which he is entitled by virtue of having earned it. (It’s his nature.)

The woman also changes after yielding sex the first time with a man. He exploits his conqueror’s rights and his attitude about subsequent sexual and relationship events surprises her. His unexpected change forces her to face the contradiction that he didn’t bond as she did. It forces her to change too but defensively.

His nature causes it. The ease with which she yields the first time tells him how assertively dominant he can be and how submissive he expects her to be. For practical purposes, it’s proportional. The easier she yields, the more submissive he expects her to be. The more assertively, reasonably, justifiably, and longer she defends herself and refuses his pleadings and threats, the less dominant he expects to be in her life. (She sends confounding and perhaps confusing messages but the overall reception by him is to consider her expectations superior to his conquering spirit.)

To delay his conquest, she repeatedly denies going beyond foreplay that she can handle. She teaches him to romance her, show affection, please her, and show habitual intimacy. Thus, she sets faithful and admirable examples, and he becomes an ardent fan of hers—provided he’s after her and not just after sex. (If he doesn’t act in adaptive ways to honor her expectations, he won’t honor her hopes and dreams later in life. The differences qualify or disqualify him as her potential mate; she need only decide which.)

After conquest, he assumes control of their sexual agenda. Some women ignore or rebel and try to work it backwards. They yield easily and provide sex aplenty in order to keep him around. Then, after marriage, they try to manipulate him by withholding sex. They make three mistakes: 1) Sex before marriage does not bond or hold him. 2) She is justified and expected to protect her assets just as he protects his freedom, so she’s free to hold out for marriage. 3) Manipulation breaks a man’s bond.

Sex after marriage is totally his due, because he gave up his freedom for her in exchange for frequent and convenient sex-on-demand. If she expects greater respect than having husband always demanding sex, she needs to earn more unconditional respect before conquest. What she earns then lingers within him, while the respect she earns after conquest is very conditional and easily fades (again, it’s the male nature.)

Males insist on sex without marriage, because impatience and reluctance to yield their independence flood the conquering spirit. By yielding too early, women go along to get along. Thus, they add strength and right-mindedness to masculine domination. Manly behavior is thus made easier and womanly behavior more submissive.

Women that yield easy sex trap themselves on this multiple lane highway of pain and misery: Hook up, link up, shack up, marry up, muck up, ‘fess up, split up, pay up, and end up looking to start over with knock up somewhere along the way. The path is direct; ignore the female strength of refusing sex to gain a better life and expect misery to follow.

A man’s admiration and unconditional respect for a female as a distinctly different sexual person stops growing after she first yields sex to him. The longer and more successfully she holds out for marriage before sex, the more admiration and lasting respect she earns from him.

Female misery for capturing a husband starts with yielding before he becomes devoted to her. Who does what after that is moot. Women still lose and click and drag themselves into the recycle bin, from which many never escape. (Of course men threaten to dump a woman if she does not submit. Extortion comes easily to men when pursuing an unconquered sex target. His threats, however, confirm that he’s only after sex and not her. Holding out during a long courtship is how she determines whether his true intentions aim for her or just for sex.)

Because sex bonds women, they mistakenly assume that it bonds men. His devotion to a woman developed through a sex-free courtship bonds a man, and marriage seals the deal. In the final analysis, men do whatever women require in order for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex.


Filed under sex differences

712. Make Mr. Promiscuous Faithful — Part 6

I close this series with thoughts from a previous post. It applies to men with a conscience about faithfulness to their wives and not to repeaters and serial cheaters.

Three noticeable phases face each marriage. Awareness enables wives to prepare, prevent, and prevail. (Some women also pass through these phases, but we describe men here.)

The two-year glitch arrives quietly as romantic love fades away in a couple’s second year together. Both undergo transformation. If an enduring kind of love has not developed mutually, unfaithfulness and separation may not be far off. 

·        Husband’s enduring love lies in the foundation of respect she has earned, especially before conquest, and her likeability as supportive mate. Her enduring love springs from the current and anticipated gratefulness for him and what he does. He looks at what she is; she looks at what he can be.

The seven-year itch arrives when his wandering eye opens. Many situations challenge him. Devotion to her and commitment to vows are essential for surviving natural pressures on him.

·        She’s in charge. Years earlier she chose a man susceptible to wander. Or, she chose a man devoted instead of just committed to her, and a man with sufficient character to honor his vows. If she didn’t or couldn’t, avoidance is difficult. Forgiveness is the next best thing, and forgetfulness is absolutely essential.

The twenty-year switch arrives when he wants to start over and hopes to do so with a trophy.

·        It’s a dream that slowly builds as his sense of significance fades, which the mid-life crisis is all about. He aspires to rejuvenation, and he’s just dying to prove it to himself with an attractive woman. He may even aspire to raise another child to overcome earlier mistakes. Or, he may simply want to prove to himself that wife has been wrong all these past many years.

For the glitch, itch, and switch, she prepares best by knowing men and her man, females and herself, and that she has unique and powerful skills for relationship management.

Throughout life and these crisis points, the harder she tries to ensure his fidelity, the more likely she will fail. We all get what we think about the most. If she constantly worries about his faithfulness, she sends signals that push him away from her. Honest-to-goodness trust provides the greatest help for her.


Filed under Dear daughter