Tag Archives: disputes

261. Newlywed Bonding #7 — Look, then leap


Here’s more to help guide newlyweds. These principles, beliefs, attitudes, and convictions can be tailored to fit or rejected by each couple to help fulfill their hopes and dreams. Advice is labeled as such.

♂$♀  Budgeting comes easily if a couple focuses on building a successful mixture of spousal interaction. Lots of imagination, small bits of will power, negotiable cooperation, and frequent confirmation of mutual trust can all be energized through the budgeting process.

♂$♀  Ignore what’s past. Assume decisions already made were sound at the time. Else, you would not have made them. Hindsight sees too many mistakes; those little buggers trigger spousal disputes. Why pay attention to what can haunt, irritate, and demotivate you or generate distrust for spouse or your budgeting process?

♂$♀   Pay yourself first: Save at least 10% off the top for long term savings for home purchase and retirement. Otherwise, late in life you will limp financially before physically. It’s best the other way around.  

♂$♀  At the start of the year, allocate for church giving and short-term savings to cover Christmas and vacation spending. Then, commit to not overspending on the last two items.

♂$♀  This is ADVICE: Determine the level, develop a plan, and purposely live a lifestyle at considerably less than 100 percent of income. Doing it is critical; the percentage goal is less so.

Evil incarnate comes in next post.

[More about newlyweds appears at posts 257, 254, 247, 242, 230 and 224. Scroll down or search by number with dot and space following it.]

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224. Newlywed Bonding #1 —Intro


Marriages deteriorate more easily and become temporary, than they solidify and become permanent. Deterioration requires little else than inattention, sloppiness, carelessness.  

Solidifying a marriage requires a lot of shared goals and planning to sustain mutual respect. Making the process habitual in the early years produces desired results later. (Grace and I didn’t get the shortcomings of our early marriage straightened out until our third decade together.)

First impressions last, and early marriage sets the stage for whatever follows. Jointly built successes bond a couple. Failures, weaknesses, and even good intentions do not bond and can smother love to death.

Consequently, newlywed success depends on preventing relationship harm. That’s where forming good habits comes in. It requires mutual devotion—not just commitment—to build new habits that stamp out premarital bad habits that lead to deterioration.

This Newlywed Bonding series covers four beneficial habits that chase bad habits away:

1.     Virtue as relationship glue

2.     Money as relationship slave

3.     Separate but equal as teamwork

4.     Custom as dispute avoidance

The first good habit will appear in a few days. The Table of Contents at the top lists many subjects pertaining to living successfully with someone of the opposite sex.

NOTE: A nice and classy young lady, Tricia, inspired this series of posts. I pray her pending marriage matches her public pleasantness, charm, and sense of responsibility.

 

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56. Submissiveness—Section 1


I  separate two similar terms but very different concepts—submission vs. submissiveness. They are related but not synonymous. Treating them alike doesn’t just cloud over, it blacks out the vital issues.  

When the subject of ‘submission’ arises, people jump to conclusions. Such as, wife must capitulate to husband’s domination. He’s the boss even before push comes to shove. This makes it arguable, and women rightfully argue unfairness and injustice.

I regard ‘submission’ as without merit. It’s a prop for political advantage and pits women against men. It causes damage, because it’s more arguable than relevant.

On the other hand, ‘submissiveness’ is a cooperative spirit usually expected of the wife, the relationship expert. Regardless of its name and who has it, such a spirit is essential for marriage to work.

Any organization needs a CEO, a final authority who makes the toughest decisions and answers for failures. Two-boss organizations inevitably fall apart, and people—think kids—are confused by two equal authorities to whom they report. It’s so easy to play one against the other.

Without the presence of a submissive and cooperative spirit in one partner, disagreements rise to disputes, which promotes resentment, which causes alienation, which transmutes to bitterness, and makes matrimony crash from acrimony.

More to follow.

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