Tag Archives: disrespect

2330. Suggestions for Raising Children — Part IV


I interrupt my planned sequence to inject a political comment. We need to teach more and mutual respect as the hinge pin for raising better children. As long as the political class promotes diversity and differences, the mutual respect of commonality dissipates and fades.

As women go, so goes society. But it only trends toward female friendliness when mutual respect rates higher than mutual love as the primary glue secreted by women between individuals. Without mutual respect between both individuals and the sexes, then society goes as men go.

It’s that way today as female friendliness fades away. Because: 1) Women blame men for relationship ailments, which makes them expect masculine respect without respecting men, which leaves women in self-defeat by inaction and lack of initiative. 2) Initiating displays of respect to someone invites if not earns their respect, and the showing of trust is the most believable form. 3) Modern men distrust modern women, which reverses historical experience, and so men are not inclined to initiate anything except joyfully ride the pony of female sexual freedom.

Today, women don’t initiate to lead indirectly and so men lead more dynamically. If women expect different outcomes, they should initiate the showing of respect to men and their gender. Men won’t initiate it. Just showing more respect than they receive weakens their competitive alignment with men and gender dominance with women. They can be blamed all day, but self-interest prevails over the interest of others.

More intersex and intra-gender respect is essential to enable women to once again shape and maintain the cultural values, standards, and expectations that guide people in a female-friendly society.

Historically, wives dominated cultural values. Today, single men dominate, subordinate, and subject women and children to immoral and even porn objectification. Husbands—the most valuable of men—go along to get along pretty much outside the shaping of public interest. The half-century changeover originated with the death of social and domestic conditions that prevailed before the 1960s.

Old school: Women respected men more than the female gender; men respected women more than the male gender. Men sought a dependable wife to provide home and castle and brighten their work and life; women sought a responsible mate to brighten their future. Almost everybody wanted those blessings. Single life was undesired and avoidable because mutual respect for the opposite gender bred trust between the sexes. Trust enhanced individual respect, which expanded a husband’s willingness and ability to love one woman, which bred mutual respect and encouragement, which attracted and taught wives that respect trumps love for the keeping of a husband.

Society settled smoothly into mutual exchange of power and influence. Husbands dominated workplace and society. Wives dominated home and cultural values, standards, and expectations for their mutually anticipated brighter future.

IOW men and women were not at war. Mutual respect bonded them in peace and the raising of children who matured into respectable and respecting adults seeking to find mutuality with a mate. Mother-love earned mutual respect that raised good children. Wife’s respect earned husband’s love that kept fathers at home.

If we can restore the teaching of, high regard for, and expectation of mutual respect among younger generations, then we may be able to reverse the male dominance that trends out of control today. It will take several or many generations, but the first change agents may already have been born.

I leave you with two operational definitions that I use.

Respect — A feeling or attitude of admiration and deference toward somebody or something; the state of being admired deferentially. To those dictionary words, I would add being appreciated and trusted; recognized as an authority on some or many subjects; looked up to as source of wisdom, guidance, dependence, help, responsibility, mental stimulation, and perhaps mental nourishment.

Disrespect — Not appreciated as a person, man or woman, or for the various roles they fill in life. No interest in their opinions. They deserve to be ignored, challenged in front of others, made to look bad, or their opinions differ. Or, they can’t pleasantly reciprocate love or respect.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, sex differences

2168. Chivalry — Another Casualty from the Dark Side of Feminism


There’s more coming on mid-life dating, but let’s take a break. Guy Jr. and I collaborated on this subject and two part series for weekend reading.

Women are givers, men are takers. Right? However, bet you never thought of these social processes that leave women craving better men made worse by the death of chivalry.

The spirit of Feminism stirs masculine indignation against feminists; which spreads as non-feminists fall for propaganda and adopt feminist values and expectations; which causes masculine disappointment in womanhood; which stimulates loss of unconditional respect for the female gender; which over time morphs into fury and anger at individual women who show men disrespect; which stirs ambitions for revenge; which intensifies as women blame men for social ills and domestic incompatibility; which convinces men that female uniqueness is valuable only for sex; which kills masculine desire to be more giving; which terminates incentives for gentlemanly behavior and energies for chivalry. Even momentarily, men are unwilling to yield their convenience as symbol of higher regard for women than themselves. Self-centeredness, selfishness, and more taking prevail among men.

Domestic incompatibility soars as women face off against men made uninterested and inadequate for helping to fulfill female hopes and dreams.

History records it this way. The suffragettes planted the seeds, Women’s Liberation fertilized it, and feminists reaped the political fruit trying to emasculate men and thereby destroy patriarchy. Due and well earned in legal, political, and economic arenas, women’s advancements at men’s expense spread toxins into social and domestic arenas, which today makes couples incompatible.

Feminists killed the social construct of ladies as cultural opinion leaders, which pushed men to abandon gentlemanly behavior. Feminists rejected unconditional respect for females to symbolize their demand that men accept the political superiority of the female gender. Needing to appear as dominant leaders, feminists rejected chivalry, belittled gentlemanly courtesies, and shamed the unconditional respect of men for the female gender. (I can open doors myself, I don’t need you.)

Women accepted feminist propaganda and watched as ladyhood died of feminist ridicule. Women abandoned femininity as a featured attraction to capture a man for mating. Men lost interest in female hopes and dreams.

In the name of attacking manhood, womanhood was victimized by radical feminists. Chivalry disappeared along with the death of masculine thoughts that women deserved special attention and treatment just for being the weaker sex. Feminists could not admit to being the weaker sex, even though it’s a misnomer based solely on physical differences. As women proclaimed less need for men and greater strength for femaleness, they got what they wished for. Independence from men except for sex, which also nullified any need for chivalry.

I think it purposeful. Feminism killed the unconditional respect of one’s gender for the other sex that our forebears had developed and had become the greatest protector ever devised for women and children—respect solely because they are women and children (and who gets in the life boat first). Mutual respect for the opposite sex was demeaned and lost trying to benefit women at the expense of men.

Loss of mutual respect at gender level magnifies the loss at individual level. Undesirable relationship outcomes for females depletes the benefits of men in their lives. Witness the death of chivalry, fading away of gentlemanly behavior, and disintegration of harmonious family life—all tied together in a neat radical package.

The fallout today? Boys taught to be chivalrous such as in scouting discover they are emasculated in the eyes of girls and women. After a few unsuccessful efforts to demonstrate gentlemanly or chivalrous behavior, they just quit. Without female encouragement, they turn to easier ways. For example, this ultimate insult for women as quoted from the Manosphere, “there is unanimous agreement that you should never buy dinner for a woman as a date before you have had sex with her. This is probably the most unanimous point of agreement across all Game material from all sources.” Can you think of a bigger opposite of chivalry?

Chivalry triggers unconditional giving of oneself by a man, which minimizes masculine selfishness and neutralizes his role as taker, which symbolizes unconditional respect of women, which recognizes a certain superiority of the female gender, and which puts his convenience momentarily at the disposal of a woman. No wonder women appreciate chivalry and wish they had it again.

 

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Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, Feminism: OOPS!, Sociology 101

2162. ATTENTION, Ladies


I regret interrupting the flow of Mid-life Dating series, but I must tend to an admin matter.

Recently I was taken out behind the woodshed and verbally paddled for my blog attitude, style, and etiquette. I bump the issue to you for confirmation or denial.

I need the truth and ask for it clearly rather than dearly. I can handle both as I’ve been making mistakes for 80 years. I can also improve whatever needs it. Of course, my accusers will read your responses.

I don’t mind the criticism unless you ladies feel the same way. Therefore, I ask for your opinion in a simple format. For each paragraph number below, cite your response with simple terms such as yes, no, true, false, sometimes, never, always, frequently, constantly, agree, disagree, or whatever else you choose. One word for each number is all I need although you may use whatever reports the truth as you see it.

  1. My attitude is directly or indirectly disrespectful of readers.
  2. I was told that I frequently reflect anger, am critical of people, or belittle my readers.
  3. As the accusation goes, when someone says something that I specifically disagree with, I’m short tempered, short sighted, and inconsiderate to both men and women who disagree and others by implication.
  4. The example of poor etiquette is my using upper case text when I respond to many questions embedded in long comments. Unknown to me, use of upper case on the net is called shouting and is therefore demeaning. Is that so? You read it that way? (Incidentally, I have no other effective way of inserting my comments within a long series of questions from readers. If I answer many at the bottom, it makes for too much duplication or too tough reading. Caps avoid that.)
  5. Do you get the idea that I put readers down, demean them, disrespect them, or doubt their worth as a person, woman, reader, visitor, questioner, dater, mother, single mom, sex addict, former child, fearful person, girlfriend, wife, grandmother, lesbian, or transgendered mate? One exception: super-activist or radical spreader of Feminism into the social and domestic arenas.

Explanations are welcome but unnecessary. I first have to confirm or deny accusations, determine my guilt or innocence, and bring about whatever changes I choose to make. I don’t intend to silence my critics but to please myself and my readers.

Very respectfully,

Guy

 

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1283. Adults Escape Blame by Stigmatizing Children—Part C


Children are molded primarily by adults in the roles of parents who parent, teachers who teach, and principals who ‘principal’. Presumably they all know how. However, they are also authority figures. But many don’t know the ‘how to’ of using authority. Some are innocent. Some are confused. Some are ignorant. Together, they misuse the role, abuse their power, and drive children into the misfit corral. Those are the children so easily tagged with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD).

Adult authority is an aura of power that easily and naturally earns respect of children. However, misuse or obsessive dependence on it causes children to lose respect for wielders. Those that use it minimally and without abuse earn greater respect for teaching by example. (Once taught, and sometimes just from their undeveloped conscience, children know when they are wrong. So, underuse of authority settles more fairly and acceptably into the immature psyche. )

Many adults inflict unfair or unjust punishment. Some signify an already opinionated lack of respect or perhaps disrespect for the targets of their misused authority. Others overreact due to bruising of their egos by misbehaving children or non-supportive bosses. And still others misuse authority for political reasons and political correctness.

As described in Part B, children quite naturally build their own self-respect. Boys build it by self-valuing their accomplishments. Girls build it by self-valuing their relationship building. They naturally expect that adults respect them, so respect shown to them adds minimally to their self-respect.

However, each child’s self-respect can be destroyed by enough of these two negative adult opinions flashed into a child’s face: lack of respect and disrespect. Those negatives are not synonymous. Lack of respect denies what a child needs. Disrespect mocks the child.

Frequent or continual display of both negatives can devour self-respect, diminish self-image, and justify fighting back. Boys reach for new ways to find self-admiration and girls to find self-importance. “Negativity, defiance, disobedience, and hostility directed toward authority figures” comes easily to immature minds.

Boys have a still-building sense of their significance, and losing it is their greatest fear. The pressure drives boys more easily than girls toward the behaviors that lead adults to tag them as ODD.

Children thrive on the absence of lack of respect and disrespect. Authority figures use their authority to discipline or impose punishment. With the slightest misuse or overuse, authority figures show lack of respect or disrespect. Therein lays the cause of the spread of ODD.  

The most effective uses of authority continue in Part D with this thought: Children don’t need to be told, taught, or enforced how NOT to be children. They need to be taught how to be an adult.

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1282. Adults Escape Blame by Stigmatizing Children—Part B


Childhood behavior problems such as oppositional defiant disorder manifest mostly as defiance, disobedience, and hostility toward authority figures. These twins produce ODD: Lack of respect and disrespect shown by authority figures. It’s hard for adults to tell the twins apart, but kids know.

Mini-adults in training, children expect to be treated accordingly. Adults deserve respect, why don’t they? Lack of respect hurts their dignity. Disrespect attacks their ego and ignites their competitive spirit. Heart and mind ignite to aggressively prove others wrong. ODD erupts.

It goes deeper. Lack of respect fails to confirm the significance of boys and importance of girls. Disrespect affirms the insignificance of boys and lack of importance of girls. Lack of respect fails to provide what a child needs. Disrespect mocks the child; even toddlers know they deserve respect. It doesn’t take much to lose interest in becoming an adult like the authority figures barricading a child’s life.

Children need the absence of both lack of respect and disrespect more than they need the direct respect of others. A child’s self-respect builds naturally from accomplishments for boys and relationship building for girls. Direct respect helps a little, but lack of respect and disrespect discourage and slow or stop the building of self-respect.  

When kids are not respected to the extent that they think they should be, those that are not susceptible to adult dynamism resent, resist, and retaliate. Authority figures exposed to such responses fight back with full scale authority. That, in turn, switches the kids into fight-back mode. Further imposition of disrespect centralizes their thinking against authority figures in general. That process, however, makes them aspire to have authority, and so they prove themselves worthy of it by attacking and bullying peers.

However, adults have a way out: Hire a professional, reduce behaviors to a syndrome, and stigmatize children. Consequently, adults escape blame for poor leadership as authority figures.

So much for the kids. Tomorrow, ignorance causes confusion among adults acting as authority figures.

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780. Respectable Respect — Part B


This article continues yesterday’s about the impacts that respect has on the lives of females.

  • Neatness, perhaps better than any other single thing, reflects outwardly a female’s self-respect. Her respect for neatness shows a drive to make everything come out right; it reflects intentions to do good. (Not to be confused with perfectionism, which flows from a shortage of self-respect.)
  • Women broadcast their lack of self-respect by appearing in public sloppy, careless, uncombed, messy, and totally disrespectful of neatness. They have and exploit the freedom to do so. Men have and use their freedom to profile, stereotype, and disrespect them. 
  • If a man’s love is founded on respect, and it is, why do women disrespect the male gender and do unrespectable things before they get to know men of interest? Do they expect their attitude of ingratitude to be reversible for one particular man?
  • A girl refuses to respect conditions imposed by father on dating. She goes against his teaching and expectations. By so doing, she discloses that she hasn’t yet learned enough from dad about togetherness and protectiveness, how to contribute to a great family, or even sustain a good relationship. Her date also misses out on the lessons. (When girls don’t tame boys, they both grow into adolescent-minded adults.)
  • Feminists killed unconditional respect for the opposite sex that so predominantly protects women and children. By doing so, the female gender lost its superior sense of dignity, self-respect, honor, and ability to govern cultural values. 
  • You won’t like this, ladies, but you should exploit it rather than take offense: She has to earn his respect. He doesn’t have to earn hers. He expects the basics of her respect simply because he’s male, and females should respect his gender automatically. Admittedly, he measures by masculine standards; were he female, he would eagerly respect the male gender.
  • Respect not shown returns respect unknown. Respect not earned will get you burned.

I close with the opener: Emerson said “The world turns on hope,” which speaks to what motivates people, what makes them run. However, respect determines how well the world turns, how effectively social intercourse satisfies those involved, which speaks to what people get out of life among other people.

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680. Respect Revisited — III


Respect, disrespect, and lack of respect determine outcomes. Her choices make much bigger differences than do his. His nature tells him that women can’t compete on significant strengths. Therefore, they’re not equal on others. It’s subliminal, but it determines why women have to earn a man’s respect. When he admires her strengths, she’s winning his respect and time reinforces it.   

♦       If a man initiates pursuit for sex, she earns respect with responses that leave him so unfulfilled that he persists in ‘decoding’ who and what she really is as a person. Her strengths that deter him. Being difficult to figure out earns masculine respect, and this makes mystery and female modesty work so generously for her.

♦       Once a woman commits to a man, he fully expects her unequivocal and undying respect. Her commitment means he’s done all the earning he has to do.

♦       Sometimes, unfortunately, a man fakes whatever earns her respect. She commits, and then his real Self shows up. He’s not due the same respect as before, but he still expects what she previously showed. Battles or worse arise.

♦       Wives refuse sex to their husband, not once or twice, but as frequent practice. They claim personal reasons or seek to manipulate him, but her intentions don’t guarantee outcomes. Her refusals equate to lack of respect for him, which equates to loss of self-respect, which energizes husband to look elsewhere to restore it.

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