- The way to a woman’s happiness is far easier than for men. First, forget happiness as a goal. Second, pursue what makes her feel important. Third, find gratitude in what she does and the people in her life. Fourth, stay focused on her gratitude including gratefulness for the problems only she can resolve and frustrations only she can overcome. She only has to recognize her gratefulness for happiness to flood her spirit.
- Why is the way to female happiness far easier than for men? Women are born soft-hearted and men are not. The difference enables women to more easily find gratitude in what they do and in those with whom they associate.
- When prospective parents know the sex of the fetus, they switch their thinking and emotions onto the child and away from the mother. Give prenatal glory to the small-c creator, and both mom and child will benefit the most.
- Her femaleness makes her a sex object. Her appearance makes her a sex target. Her virtues slowly exposed morph into the promise that a hunter-conqueror needs to want her to the exclusion of other men.
- Dating is for uncovering likeability. Courtship is for exploration. Engagement is for confirmation. Marriage is for exploiting their respective strengths and fulfilling their mutual hopes and dreams.
- When women think of all men as dolts, idiots, etc., they more easily see what’s not admirable about their own man. When women think that men are good and worthwhile, they more easily admire their man. (Admiration builds a man’s ambitions and fertilizes his sense of personal responsibility.)
Tag Archives: engagement
During dating, courtship, and engagement women lay groundwork to win or lose in the marital power game. As the relationship expert, a strong female intuitively knows about these pointers, but not all females are feminine or expert enough to use them to feather their domestic nest.
- Women face two fine lines along which to tread judiciously. One separates competition from cooperation and the other separates his dominance (aka expectation for her to submit) and her submissiveness
- The female best able to march boldly along those two lines emerges victorious in all her relationships. She competes such that he takes no offense while simultaneously encouraging him to cooperate with her agenda. She submits to his dominance such that he’s pleased, but she ultimately gets her way. She treads two very fine lines, but doing so manifests her likeability as mate.
- She knows that competing with a man before marriage wins his respect so essential for his love. Competing with him after marriage eases her toward the recycle bin.
There’s another line but more clearly seen at the altar: before and after marriage.
- Before: She competes strongly with him to shape their relationship to match her agenda and fulfill her hopes and dreams. She doesn’t submit as she would after marriage; instead she stands up to him to make his dominance less domineering and more acceptable for marriage.
- After: She quits competing with him; instead she becomes submissive but not as sycophant. She works to coordinate their cooperation into promoting his job and efforts for the short term while fulfilling her hopes and dreams for the long term.
God designed, Nature endows, and hormones energize women to compete with a man before marriage and cooperate with him after marriage. Thus, she wins her respected place in their premarital relationship and sustains her respected place in marriage.
She has to make choices. I caution against being guided by her dreams about life with a man, his pledges of commitment, or perhaps their mutual intentions. She will do better deciding beforehand the choices to be made—regardless of who the man is—in these critical stages:
· Dating is for fun. Courtship is for involvement. Engagement is for mutual examination. Church-going is for generating and improving devotion to each other. Does she know how she will handle each? How much time she will need? More importantly and when necessary, can she convince him of her rightness?
· Pre-conquest is for generating his respect for her and shaping his thinking into more closely matching hers. Does she see this as her opportunity to shape forever their relationship?
· Conquest is his reward—aka return on investment—for investing himself in her hopes and dreams. Did she remain chaste long enough for him to even learn her hopes and dreams? Will she yield on lust, intentions, promises, commitment, or devotion? Can she tell the difference?
· When she yields sex, it releases him from his quest to conquer her. He changes to having an owner’s expectations, but will it be to her advantage or disadvantage? Can she tell ahead of time? For sure?
· Marriage to him adds another mission to his life. Does she know what she has to give up in exchange for his independence?
Love-aholics and women desperate for a man can’t keep a man. Foolish women, much like adolescent girls, let love dominate their thinking. Love can’t be relied upon to successfully pick and keep a mate who will stick through thick and thin, raising kids, and providing comfort. For example, where do in-laws fit in? That’s next.
This post completes the answer to the question, ‘Why do men seem so unappealing?’
- If men aren’t appealing, then they’re not treating you the way you want to be treated, spoken to, and respected. How you make a man uncomfortable but not angry turns him toward you for relief. Your advantages flow from his discomfort. He gets relief only by winning you over, and the tougher you make it the more time he spends thinking about you.
- This opportunity arises frequently, so you should exploit it: When you’re deeply offended next time, figuratively—and I say again, figuratively slap the guy with curt words that show displeasure with his approach, manner, or attitude. No need to question or put down his manliness; the ‘slap’ does that.
- Plus, your message registers among witnesses and resonates beyond the situation. You generate caution but draw more interest from other men. And doubly so if he was hot.
- If you’re easy to dominate in the various preliminaries of male-female interaction, you’ll not be tough to conquer for sex. Or so men think, and it shapes their thinking for easier departure, when you actually do refuse sex.
- It helps you to shock men. You can show perfect attire, grooming, and bearing. You can show pride and conceit, feminine mystique, female modesty, symbols of maturity devoid of adolescence, marriage-as-the-only-way haughtiness, and anything else that sends ‘unavailable’ messages. Your ‘shields’ teach men they have to earn you. (If you don’t feel that you’re worthy of being earned, you need a mental and physical makeover strong enough to reverse your picture of yourself.)
I closed yesterday with this statement: “Men hunt pretty and attractive females for sex. They keep extraordinary females for their selves.”
To which I add: “Extraordinary females are those so hard to conquer that men invest themselves in what else she has to offer.”
It happens during courtship and engagement. Persistent refusals for unmarried sex add significant value to chasteness and the greatest possible respect for her. (Price goes up when supply goes down.)
While she convinces the guy of her overall value to him, he develops new influences and tactics to overcome her persistent objections to conquest. Marriage confirms her extraordinariness, or he would never so deeply invest himself.
Increasing her value to him to attract his investment in her confirms virtual virginity as her optimum strategy.*
This series started with this: Why do men seem so unappealing? Men see females as common with little potential for being extraordinary. None stand out sufficiently different to take the male mind off sex. As hunters, men chase sex; as conquerors, they leave the conquered behind to hunt again. It’s nothing new, except that women ignore the male nature.
* Many articles about virtual virginity are listed in CONTENTS page.
♫♥♫ As one woman claimed, Femininity adds color to a man’s black and white world. (Alison A. Armstrong, Keys to the Kingdom, 2003, PAX Programs, Inc. Sherman Oaks, CA , p.151)
♫♥♫ Old School vs. New School—Until sixty years ago females largely withheld sex until engagement or marriage. Men married expecting to stay that way. Nowadays, with sex so freely available, men dodge marriage as unnecessary or depart it as a dumb move.
♫♥♫ She makes her single self worthy of a man and becomes seller instead of buyer. This clicks her for the recycle bin, although he may not dump her until later.
♫♥♫ By conqueror’s right he takes control of their sexual agenda. She needs to own it until marriage so as to lay groundwork for weakening his dominance after marriage.
♫♥♫ Men separate sex from the gal. Women stupidly let them get by with it.
[More that daughters never hear appear in posts 227, 214, 200, and 183. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]
♀ Before their first sex together, without trying, women condition a man’s thinking about who dominates whom, when, how, and what’s tolerable. They both learn how much she can weaken, suppress, manhandle, or overrule his dominance—or collapse as easy prey from lack of purpose and character.
♀ If she conquers him for marriage before sex, it signals that devotion to her governs his commitment. It also diminishes both his dominating and conquering spirits. This doesn’t guarantee faithfulness, but it provides much safer alternatives for her than sex before marriage.
♀ Sex does not bond men, but the opportunity for conquest conquers his attention and holds it tightly until a woman gives in. This facet of his nature helps virtual virginity work for her.
♀This puts the courtship agenda in her hands: (1) Her hard-headedness prevails over both her soft-heartedness and his hard-headed and hard-hearted persistence for sex. (2) She tests and retests him to be the potential right man for life together. (3) She continues to reject sexual relations at least until number two is proven and engagement or preferably marriage follows.
♂♀ The curse of modern adolescence is this. Girls too highly value boys and having a boyfriend. More so, in fact, than they value feminine, modest, moral, female-empowering, and self-protective behaviors. When boys butt their hormone-soaked heads up against the brick wall of ardent feminine values, it teaches girls the well-hidden truths about the male nature and how to avoid future life as some guy’s ex.
[More about chaste courtships appear in posts 143, 108, 107, and 100. Scrolling down works and so does searching by the number with a dot and space following.]