Tag Archives: faithful

2786. Well-liked Article (#59 posted in January 2008)


Even when sex is not cheap, a man ponders that other women look better than his present sex partner. As a skillful and successful hunter-conqueror, he could do better the next time. A woman’s challenge is to make him forget the ‘do better’ and ‘next time’ parts.

Keeping him with her requires she outshine other women. She has a huge repertoire of female strengths to rely on. Each earns another bit of a man’s respect, and, remember, a man’s love is based on respect for the female gender and one or more women in particular.

Women have many natural strengths, but few are willing to bypass their ego. Some don’t like their man well enough. Anyway, the woman hopeful of keeping her man focuses on and fine tunes the following ‘jewels’ that make a woman shine in her man’s eyes.

♥ Physical attractiveness marvelously enhanced by affordable attire and classy grooming.

♥ Sexual attractiveness enhanced by modest coverings to reinforce that other men are forbidden.

♥ Gentleness provided out of patience.

♥ Forgetfulness that follows forgiveness.

♥ Thoughtfulness that her mate deserves even when he doesn’t.

♥ Gratefulness for her man that shines as her being happy when he’s around.

♥ Submissiveness as her spirit of cooperation.

♥ Happiness that spreads infectiously.

♥ Joyfulness that inspires greater hope.

♥ Chasteness promised to him by modest display of boobs and legs.

♥ Generousness that smashes selfishness out of their lives.

♥ Delightfulness that makes him smile.

♥ Unselfishness that spreads as example for all.

♥ Neatness that inspires others.

♥ Goodness that sets a shining example.

♥ Faithfulness that inspires him to follow suit.

♥ Countenance of perpetual smile inside if not evident outside.

These are every woman’s strengths, but most women are too busy, ego-stricken, or politically propagandized to use them all. NOTE: Of course her man may not be worth her traits as shown above, but it’s those jewels that inspire him to become her Mr. Right a couple of decades after they marry.

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2260. Compatibility Axioms #841-850


841. When husband on his own senses that wife has an unresolved problem, his problem solving persona emerges. He wants to uncover it and help. But it may be a long time if ever before he detects she even has a problem. The female nature enables wife to help him sense it on his own. [286]

842. Her patience and soft-heartedness and respect and gratefulness for who he is and what he does show her understanding of him, just as he expects to see it. He’s much less likely to take offense about subjects sensitive to him. [286]

843. Devotion to her makes him want to pay attention and sometimes lavish affection on her. Thus, more devotion makes him more open to her wants, needs, and desires.  [286]

844. He expects frequent and convenient access to sex after yielding his independence for marriage. This may or may not make him devoted to pleasing her as she would like. Devotion arises outside the sexual arena. [286]

845. We can easily recognize that men should be more considerate of a woman’s sexual wants, needs, and desires. However, being married can interfere unless she accepts responsibility for sexual compatibility. [286]

846. The more she likes herself as a female, the more outwardly dominant she can permit a man to be, because of high confidence about ultimately getting him to accept her way about her needs, wants, and desires in their life together. [288]

847. Right doesn’t just arrive in her life. She turns the husband in her life into the right man, and the process lasts as long as he remains devoted to her. She adjusts their life together until they both age gracefully with him as her Mr. Right. [288]

848. Successful courtships belong to predominately hard-headed women who patiently and indirectly integrate two diverse interests into a bright future together. Virtual virginity best holds his attention, while she works the romance/affection scene into his habit and her advantage. [288]

849. In courtship it pays for her to have high regard for and associate with many other people—not necessarily dating though. He should not win her heart and mind completely until after they marry. The stick while courting, the carrot after marriage. [288]

850. Men grow their love for a woman from light-hearted feelings that he stumbles into—she’s attractive, fun, likeable, very respectable—and he slowly becomes magnetized by her other qualities. Such as Her Jewels as defined in article 59:

♥ Physical attractiveness marvelously enhanced by affordable attire and classy grooming.

♥ Sexual attractiveness enhanced by modest coverings to reinforce that other men are forbidden.

♥ Gentleness provided out of patience.

♥ Forgetfulness that follows forgiveness.

♥ Thoughtfulness that her mate deserves.

♥ Gratefulness for her man that shines as her being happy when he’s around.

♥ Submissiveness as her spirit of cooperation.

♥ Happiness that spreads infectiously.

♥ Joyfulness that inspires greater hope.

♥ Chasteness promised to him by modest display of breasts, rump, and legs.

♥ Generousness that smashes selfishness out of their lives.

♥ Delightfulness that makes him smile.

♥ Perpetual smiling countenance that shapes his comfort zone.

♥ Unselfishness that spreads as example for all.

♥ Neatness that inspires others.

♥ Goodness that sets a shining example.

♥ Faithfulness that inspires him to follow suit.

NOTE: Those qualities are born into the female nature, but most women are too busy, ego-stricken, or politically propagandized to use them. Of course her man may not be worth such effort, but it’s her jewels that make him the right man. It’s her behavior that makes him good, bad, indifferent, inadequate, or whatever, provided she didn’t mate up with a hopeless case to begin with.

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2159. Dating in Mid-life — Part B3: Elephant in the Room


Here’s politics in the raw. During your first date, two conquerors face off. He seeks sex without obligation, but expects to pay some price that you determine and he hopes to minimize. You seek a permanent relationship by doing whatever you think it will take.

I think of successful relationship development in four stages that develop progressively and remain dependent on each other. 1) His interest matches your likeability. 2) His loyalty matches your love. 3) His commitment matches mutual promises of sexual fidelity. 4) His devotion matches your plans for your future together. But an elephantine risk for you lurks in the background.

His primal and endless urge to conquer attractive women has spotlighted you as a target. Don’t disregard the importance of that urge hardwired in his psyche. Be prepared, know what’s forthcoming if you yield sexually.

This is the elephant: He will reveal a different persona if and when he conquers you. The elephantine risk is whether you will end up as keeper, booty, or dumpee.

Conquest releases his nature to hunt again, and you discover what you really mean to him. You tame that elephant if you successfully develop a mutually loyal relationship while dating. Then in courtship you expand promises of loyalty to commitment and on to mutual devotion, which effectively ties the elephant’s leg to a well-anchored peg in the ground.

Your importance to a potential conqueror does not guarantee that you will remain important to him after conquest. If he hasn’t pledged exclusive loyalty based on good character, committed faithfully based on words of integrity, or become devoted to you so obvious in his actions—all before you yield—then he feels no obligation to refrain from hunting elsewhere.

Devotion to one woman is the only thing that truly tames—not kills, just tames—a man’s hardwired hankering to conquer attractive women. Devotion develops out of his daily actions and reinforcing words designed to please himself by pleasing you. Growth toward devotion also energizes him to not disappoint you. He routinely if not often enough pleases you and finds opportunity to please himself for lifting your spirits whether you need it or not. He goes all out on your behalf when you hurt inside or outside. Furthermore, his actions and attentions are consistent and persistent and not dependent on his convenience.

When we see a man who falls in love at first sight, we see devotion formed instantaneously. It isn’t the love that females sense and claim. Masculine loyalty and faithfulness spring out with effects that match female love.

A lot of time is required to tame and then peg that elephant to the ground. Months and perhaps a year or more depending on you and your romance target. You have by far the greater challenge, which is why God gave you relationship expertise. You  hold him off sexually while making and keeping yourself attractive, likeable, and loyal to his satisfaction. Your wordy expressions of love don’t work nearly as well as those qualities; his primary sensor is eyes and not ears, his expectation is satisfaction and not happiness.

However, a natural process exists that you can use. No guarantees, but the odds favor you as successes accumulate inside the process described as He Walks Himself to the Altar (coming later).

I almost forgot. In the dating arena, the elephant shrinks in size with aging. Huge at age 30, by age 60 it should be dwarf-size, perhaps self-tied to the peg in the ground, and of little risk or threat. You ladies know how to adjust according to the age of your romance targets.

Risk takers win, and that’s for tomorrow at #2160.

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2148. Recovery from A.D.D.


They are born this way. Women have affection deficit disorder. Men have affection delivery disorder. The hearts and minds of the superior sex, aka the irresistible force, are blessed with the patience and temperament to move the dominant sex, aka the immovable object, and cure A.D.D.

Her Highness Beloved at 2147 asked: “So how do you train him to be affectionate?” The subject has universal appeal, so I shifted my response to this article. You ladies probably have developed better and more enchanting techniques, but here goes my suggestion.

First, your mission. Encourage your man to expand his actions that express his love to include more and better displays of affection, and do all that in order to more pleasingly light up and make the love of his life to shine in his favor and face.

Encouragement always excludes blame, faultfinding, criticism, and displays of disappointment. So, the mission calls for suppression of your negative feelings about the subject of affection and perhaps other subjects. Everything is relative, recovery is everything, and so recovery is also relative as to what will come out of your effort.

Second, don’t complain about him and don’t explain yourself. Also, don’t get angry or frustrated when your expectations are not met. Be patient and rely on your heart rather than just your mind. Forming a new habit takes many events over time; 90 days is not unusual. And men do best when they learn to do what they figure out is best for them.

Third, find numerous ways to interact with him pleasantly and perhaps even silently to convey what you expect out of him. I suggest hints, suggestions, and a seed planting campaign such as the following. A few times a day may not be too much early in marriage but might be too much early in courtship. If you’ve been married awhile, move slowly. Don’t be obvious; it causes suspicion about your motivation.

  • Interrupt what you do daily to interact eye-to-eye with him in ways that he appreciates. Just ‘howdy’ smiles to show your appreciation for his presence. Silent displays of your affection register powerfully with a man, but they don’t draw immediate and similar responses. Your affection confirms that all is well, so he need not contribute. He does that regularly in his daily actions of being with you and providing/protecting—or so his nature guides him.
  • Remember, men don’t appreciate interruptions when they are doing complicated things, such as reading the newspaper and watching TV. You should catch him between events. Female smoothness can add sugar to carry interruptions in your favor, but don’t make it too sweet. It generates suspicion about motivation, which is ‘ungood’.
  • When asked to do something and before you do it, ask, “Do I deserve some encouragement? Would you turn me loose to do such a humongous thing, make such a gigantic effort, without so much as a smooch? Hug? Promise?” (Make him laugh and feel good about himself.)
  • After you’ve done something that he asked or you did something to please him, then confirm your enjoyment of him and inquire with a huge smile: “Do I get/deserve/have I earned special treatment? My buns drag and no one wants to give me a lift? You have any ideas for a pick me up? No, a pat on the buns isn’t enough.”
  • When he does something to please you or you need some attention. Highlight your attractiveness as he likes to see you, smile charmingly, and wave gently with both hands pointed upward and friendly for him to come near. (I like the idea of making it a ritual before you head for the bedroom at night.) At first you may have to close the last few inches of the gap for physical contact, but he will finally figure out what you want and see eventually that you need it. Find ways to reward him for showing whatever affection he displays to please you. The object is to convert his thoughts to pleasing himself for pleasing you and to make it habitual.
  • Exploit his departure for work just as you send children off to school. Make it pleasant but include kiss and push for a hug. If you don’t have the time because of your schedule, improve your schedule to ensure you pay faithful attention to your craving for affection.
  • But be alert to his reactions. You’ll figure it out if you go too far or too much, so teach yourself to also pull back in those cases. Go slower, gentler, and less deserving but get what you are after, but which is so difficult to pull out of his contrary nature.
  • Patiently connect mutual thinking together with this thought. He may not but you do expect displays of affection to be shown both visually and physically. It’s your fruit from his tree of devotion. You do all manner of things to fertilize his tree, and you expect the fruit to fall rather than be plucked or bought. Fruit more freely given wraps your heart in foil impenetrable by and for anyone else. He needs to know that but should learn it indirectly; i.e., he figures it out rather than being told directly.

When he figures out that showing affection is his duty, it will become habit. But be aware, he may never be as affectionate as you like. If he isn’t, you probably have to live with whatever progress he has made. Don’t change your habits of encouraging him for more, but expect that you will have to do the hinting and suggesting forever.

The most admirable quality in a man is the spreading of his affection to the one that admires him and his affection the most. He needs to learn that. It’s a tough teaching job even for relationship experts. Men just don’t want to disclose their feelings when their actions are so loud—but only to them.

You relationship experts need to reinforce this thought in your heart of hearts. You expect your man to deliver what is not in his nature to expose, that is, how he feels. His actions convey his feelings, or at least all he wants to expose. All progress is great progress and some may have to be enough. His nature resists more extensive displays of his feelings, once he has admitted that you were right at needing—and now getting—more affection. In his heart of hearts, he’s done enough. You’ll just have to get along with that. So, color yourself blessed to the extent that he thinks displaying his affection is his duty.

That’s my suggestion for working on a cure for A.D.D.

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2106. Hard-hearted Hannah — II


Women aren’t born hard-hearted. The modern females’ hard-heartedness weakens their judgment and stifles their influence with men and their man in particular.

Hard-hearted Hannah competes with her man, but he expects her to cooperate. She criticizes him, expecting him to be a perfect mate. She disrespects him, when respect is his psychic income for devoting his efforts to her. She finds fault, when he tries hard but fails to meet her expectations. She nags to remind him of her expectations that he should change. She drifts away from her feminine nature and acts more like men.

HHH makes herself feel good at his expense in front of others. She harbors and displays feminist feelings that do not interest him, mostly because Feminism seeks to exclude him from the role he naturally assumes dealing with females. She expects more from him than she is willing to provide as trade off. She expects him to change under her well-intentioned but poorly programmed nurturing, but she refuses to change herself for him.

She knows little about the nature of males and females, and less about how to make them complementary and compatible – even if she wished to. She gets in his face for which he will ensure she pays a price. She kisses her frog and then neuters her prince. She is ungrateful for her man and blames him for her unhappiness. She is dissatisfied with what satisfies him, when a man’s satisfaction is both what he strives for and his internal reward for doing something well.

She turns phony and hides her true character in order to get a man to marry her, and then she becomes another woman after their altar trip.

She wants to build her castle, not his. She rejects the idea of maintaining a home for him to enjoy daily relaxation, rest, and restoration. She refuses to honor his most primal need for a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrows’ dragons. If she won’t provide what he needs, he will provide his own or test drive other women, until he finds what pleases him. He has no greater physical need for a particular woman than maintaining his abode, except as a woman cultivates it into something more appealing.

HHH downplays his strengths that enable him to produce, provide, protect, and problem solve for family life in his own satisfying way. She rejects him as family hero and elevates the kids over him. She expects him to husband her without some tradeoff for his having given up his independence. She treats him as a domestic regarding household chores – all orders and little reward. She exhibits poor leadership by telling him how to do things instead of what to do. She makes his castle so ‘perfect’ in her eyes that it transforms into her castle.

She marries expecting him to change. He marries expecting her not to change. After marriage, she changes and pushes him to better fit her ideals of their life together. When she insists, he resists, resents, and perhaps retaliates. Caught up in a marriage he did not expect, he slips one leg over the edge of the escape hatch and prepares to jump.

HHH considers his machismo and the male ego to be ‘crimes against Nature,’ which signals that she wants a pansy or wuss instead of a real man to husband her. If she finds and partners with one, she finds that she doesn’t respect him as a man, which makes her worthless as mate to him.

She rejects an age-old custom. Changing her last name to his after marriage evolved to show her to be his faithful partner. Unwillingness to take his name sends players a message that she is not very tightly dedicated to her husband and may be more easily available. (Admittedly, it’s man-think). By adopting his name, she signifies willingness to be his with faithful expectations. Not taking his name does not imply she will cheat, but it tells others that she does not respect him enough to quell his doubts and fears and depend totally on him.

She expects his faithfulness without providing the equivalent for him. Her husband expects not only her faithfulness but guarantees of it. He perceives that failure to give herself whole-heartedly to him makes her more easily susceptible to cheating on him. Clouds of suspicion weigh heavily on his mind, and he keeps one hand on the ejection lever for either him or her.

HHH is entitled to be hard-hearted. But she should expect her man to resent it, weaken his own dedication to her, and prepare for a softer landing with the next female.

 

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2093. Compatibility Axioms #511-520


NOTE: A man’s domains are those relationship issues about which he’s the boss, near-boss, thinks he should be, or aspires to be that eminent person. Either as he sees it or concludes from daily negotiations or haggling with his woman. [189]

511. It’s the territorial imperative in coupledom. She shows disrespect when she invades his domains and signals his insignificance when she succeeds.[189]

512. Disrespect shown to a man piles up to kill his love. Insignificance piles up to end his presence. [189]

513. Symptoms of less love and his impending departure can be found in less interest for fulfilling his woman’s hopes and dreams. [189]

514. When women try to lead in masculine domains, much as feminists do, men find bigger or better ways to stay ahead. This leads to put downs, mistreatment, and an ‘I’ll show you’ spirit. Examples: rap music, family abandonment, and abusiveness. [189]

515. Relationship success comes from making daily decisions that build mutually recognized and honored domains for each spouse. An organization cannot long function under two equal CEOs. [189]

516. Men appreciate cheap and easy sex. But, they don’t much value unearned gifts. Such female behavior cheapens a man’s conquering spirit. It denies him opportunity to prove his manly worth by other than sexual performance. [190]

517. A woman’s eagerness for the excitement of sex make her appear too loose for a man to expect her faithfulness.  [190]

518. Being given what a man expects to be a challenge turns him toward other challenges. [190]

519. The female nature intuitively guides mature girls and women away from the extreme behavior of cheap and easy sex. They know something else is much better for them. [190]

520. Though not as women expect, casual sex energizes men. If she’s that free and easy, then he can pursue the next score, notch the bedpost again, and go after more. [190]

 

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2082. Marriage Isn’t the Wonder, Breakup Is


Her Highness Shanna at post 2026 pondered. “All these matters about the nature of men and women…it’s a wonder anyone gets married at all!!!”

Well, the wonder is that people don’t do better at marriage. Consider the grander features they inherit at birth that are self-serving both individually and collectively. Everyone is born with the necessary personal features, traits, talents, and skills to live compatibly with a mate. We’re made for permanent mating; it’s virtually in our blood. Marriage provides insurance. Why else would the advanced civilizations through several millennia have found permanent pairing as the best domestic arrangement? Just a few confirming points.

  1. Women have to earn happiness by finding gratitude in themselves, others, and things. A woman’s mission in life is to live a good life made important by providing children for whom she can be grateful. How do mothers provide the necessary provisioning and protecting without the help of a useful and handy man? How do they gain the necessary insurance against abandonment without convincing men to vow themselves into permanent mating? And not just marriage for one but for almost all women. That’s what serves the female gender to the fullest. Too many single women means too much unobligated sex to lure men from faithful permanence.
  2. Men do whatever women require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex. If most women require marriage in exchange for their providing such easy access, then men marry to satisfy their natural urge.
  3. Men are motivated to pursue self-admiration. Consequently, they combine it with their sex drive and pursue women under whatever conditions women require. A man’s natural drive for efficiency urges him to arrange for frequent and convenient access. So men are vulnerable to indirect female leadership by example, which means that men learn to monogamously follow monogamous women. It returns us back to the point above that women want a useful and handy man and physical faithfulness to him is essential to keep him loyal and dependable.
  4. Men are born to be satisfied. It’s the equivalent of females born to be happy. However, men find satisfaction in daily pursuits. Far more easily than women, they find and can enjoy a pleasant life, which opens their heart and attitude to being pleased by a woman who shows promise for supporting, encouraging, and partnering with a man’s endeavors.
  5. In the natural course of events, the dominant male sex continually faces off against the superior female sex. The immovable object of males resists the direct but yields to the indirect irresistible force of females. Women maintain peace in the process by convincing men that husbanding and fathering are both admirable and rewarded.

So, I disagree with Shanna. It’s more a wonder that marriages do not survive very long. It’s in the interest of both sexes, and yet they can’t get along well enough. It’s a pity but common today. Basically, both sexes abandon the strengths embedded in their own natures and copy that of the other, which makes them weaker rather than stronger as individuals.

 

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