Tag Archives: female friends

717. Spill Your Guts, End Up In Ruts — First Rut


I attack the principle of full disclosure but not the details or propriety of disclosing one’s thoughts and feelings to another.

DEFINITION: Full disclosure means baring one’s heart, body, and soul to another under the misapprehension that listener/viewer will value the discloser more highly. It bodes ill for females that do it.

·        Women believe that full disclosure helps seal a deal with a man. Probably because they bare their heart and soul to close female friends, some women think men value and process such information the same way. Wrong!

·        In fact, females disclose their inner thoughts among female friends. This ability adds to their mystery, because men don’t. But, full disclosure with a man weakens a woman’s mysterious attractiveness. In effect, full disclosure in principle kills her mystery in fact.

·        Mystery helps attract a man. If full disclosure short circuits her attractiveness, he loses interest.  

·        Generally, whether dating, courting, or marrying, the more he discovers and evaluates her worthiness for him, the better for her. Furthermore, a man’s own conclusions are far more convincing than what females tell about themselves. (He doesn’t value words as she does.)  

·        Much of what women disclose to each other, men don’t even want to hear. Men are judgmental and use details to judge. When he judges her outside his interest in her, she comes up short.

·        What she considers valuable to him for dating and in courtship can be quite different from what he values in a prospective wife.

·        If she discloses fully to prove that he’s Mr. Right, he’ll lose some interest in pleasing her, much like after his conquest. (Why play harder in a game that you’ve already won?)

·        To call him Mr. Right makes him wary. But she shows a darker side; her conviction that he’s Mr. Right promotes an attitude that her hunt is over, and she likely shifts into clinging vine mode. Qualifying him only as Mr. Good Enough avoids that pitfall, because full disclosure is not as appropriate as with Mr. Right.

More shows up tomorrow in the Second Rut.

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Filed under Fickle female, Uncategorized

327. Her sexual history — Part 10


♂?♀  If he won’t honor her privacy about her sexual past, he probably won’t honor her other expectations either.

♂?♀  Her undisclosed sexual past defends their relationship, because his ammo box lacks her historical bullets to fire back in domestic squabbles.

♂?♀  He may very well hold against her what he knows nothing about. Especially when he’s jealous, irrational, or flawed in character. Courtship is the time to figure out if it’s likely to happen.   

♂?♀  The forward-thinking woman convinces all her female friends to never leak anything about her past to her dating partner, boyfriend, husband, or any other man. (But this ultimately fails too, because friends betray friends. They steal dates, boyfriends, lovers, husbands.)

 

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55. RAUNCH


In her recent book, Female Chauvinist Pigs—Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture, Ariel Levy describes the latest in extreme female behavior. Young women ‘seal’ their friendship with men friends by providing sex. Such behavior disqualifies them for a stable marriage, because their fiancé or husband would have too many unanswerable questions.

Does she expect to keep sealed friends once she commits to a man? Can and will she dump them for him? Or, is he expected to welcome them as her other friends? How big is her need for male friends?

Since sex bonds women, how intensely was her bonding with her friend or friends? Can she escape or just toss her bonds away?

Does ‘sealing’ mean only once? Do the friends expect more? Can she resist or even want to? Can they?

Does she really expect to screw a friend once, call it quits, and expect him to honor her expectations?

How many friends did she seal? Will she continue the practice after marriage? What about new friends? Both theirs and hers that she may make at her job or elsewhere.

How deep or broad are the friendships she sealed or seals? Any emotional connections beyond friendship? Does friendship have the same meaning for her as for him?

Who is a friend? Anyone close to him? His buddies? Have they been sealed? Which ones?

Will she seal their newly developed friends too? Can she call them friends without doing so?

What does he think about it? How does he accept her old friends? Can he befriend her friends if he doesn’t know? What if he does know? How does she expect him to handle it—as if it never happened?

What about his old friends that become friends with her? Does she feel an obligation with them too? If they know that she sealed with others, won’t they expect the same? Won’t that adversely affect their family of friends?

What about her friends that she did not seal with? What are their reactions? Friendlier or unfriendlier?

When he encounters her friends, he will suspect whether he knows she sealed or not. Won’t he, in effect, feel cuckolded or at least suspect it upon encountering her every male friend?

Did they do it before or after our marriage? If she sealed once, she’s always suspect. Friends and acquaintances come in all colors and shades. How can he know? Tell the difference? Trusting her is not possible.

How can she be believed as faithful, when she parts with sex for less than love but to strengthen or solidify a continuing friendship? Isn’t sealing the essence of casual sex and disdain for the man she might want to marry?

Can he seal with his female friends? Is he free to roam among friends to explore what’s available? How about his developing new female friends? Can he seal too. Old female friends?

Where does it end? Not likely in a lasting relationship.   

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