Tag Archives: female sensibilities

Blog 2569. More Tips for Women — 04


  • Women can best tolerate a man’s dominance, keep him, and restrain his promiscuous urges by working from the only playbook that puts women directly in charge of both social and domestic arenas—No Sex without Marriage.
  • The more diligently that females show respect and gratitude for males generally, the more likely each woman shows respect and gratefulness for her man.
  • The aggressive male nature requires taming. Mothers nurture boys into adolescents that respect women. Chaste girls civilize boys into men that expect to honor the dreams of women. Wives energize husbands to respect family, responsibilities, and relationships.
  • Wives’ number one complaint is that their husband does not show enough affection. Showing affection is unnatural for men. They have to be taught and best done in childhood. Affection is not a natural output of masculine love.
  • When words are enough to conquer, men offer little else.
  • Women either set and exemplify civilizing and domesticating values in all their relationships, or men impose masculine hubris on female sensibilities.
  • Feminism sours male devotion for one female, weakens family responsibility, discourages his showing affection, and curdles masculine incentives for honoring female dreams.
  • Feminists begrudge the male ego, but the process devalues females in male eyes more than it hurts men in female eyes.
  • Feminists change the culture by imposing political objectives outside the home, e.g., political correctness. Men take it personal and home life withers as wives are subliminally blamed. (Men angry at women generally don’t make very good mates.)
  • Feminists ridicule and devalue virginity. This dampens manly ego-stroking, belittles the masculine sense of conquest, and reduces the worth of females generally.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, feminine, How she loses, marriage, virginity

2151. Politics of Sex


Her Highness Krysie at 2149 wondered why the interpersonal results from fellatio were different from those from cunnilingus. I tackle the issue from both the political and sex difference viewpoints.

Love and passion are not the only soul mates in the bedroom. As the Marxists used to say, Everything is political except politics, and that’s personal. Ditto for the bed. His dominant gender vs. her superior gender makes it political. Who’s the boss of two equals? Who gets the other to do what he or she wants? Of course, love and passion add flavor and determine some of the outcome, but the underwritten truth is they are in competition regarding sex and memories carry forward. Who gets their way, when one seeks to take their togetherness into a new arena? Who is the most sensitive about where they are expected to go, and who is most likely to have to go against their sensibilities?

We have to look to their natures, how they are born differently both in heart and mind. The bed does not make their natures more alike. Women, guided by their hearts, don’t by nature see sexual relations as men do, although lessons learned in life can change all that. But here I describe their natures as likely to interact in the bedroom.

Before marriage they compete as she justifiably refuses to yield and it’s acceptable to the male nature; it’s not too surprising and usually expected as men seek to marry a virtuous woman. After marriage, she can’t morally refuse sex, because he traded his independence for frequent and convenient access to sex. She’s pushed into the position of having to cooperate in bed. The instant a proposed or required sex act goes against female sensibility, however, they compete because he expects her to do as he wishes. Submission and all that, you know, even if against her will.

He pressures her, nicely or not, or talks her into it. Either way it becomes political; he against her competitively. Oh, not the normal everyday politics as we think of it. But the kind that costs the loser the respect of the winner, and the winner’s expectations for the loser to live according to the winner’s favor. Once obligates her for another event. Their next encounter goes according to the wishes of the previous winner. Conqueror’s right, you know.

Actually, fellatio is another form of conquest. In the absence of you ladies objecting and calling me wrong, I stand by these claims. 1) It goes against the female nature; she questions the rightness of it. 2) She’d rather not. But she’s conflicted because her man wants or expects it. 3) She questions if she can uphold her self-respect if she does it. 4) She fears it will change how her man views regular sex with her. 5) And the proverbial, will he love me in the morning? 6) After she does it, guilt sets in and re-emerges with each request for BJ. 7) It takes many experiences before she feels comfortable enough to initiate it on her own, and even then new doubts and guilt set in for a while. 8) And this question returns, will he love me in the morning? Please feel free to add, subtract, agree, or contradict. Clarity and truth remain my objectives. If I’m wrong here, all else in this article is inadmissible for relationship experts to judge.

He’s the dominant one. If she goes down on him, his dominance increases. If he can get her to do that, he can get her to do anything. How does it serve a woman that she makes herself more vulnerable to his dominant attitude? Where does his sexual adventurism end? Can she go along when he wants to experiment with other ways? Can she accept her inferior position in his mind for having yielded to his tastes, his experiments, his choosing of the unusual if not the abnormal as she may see it? How does she keep from ‘going too far’ for her sensibilities, once she has violated her sense of rightness? And finally and most important, how will it affect their relationship outside the bedroom? Will his affection taper off? Will his love be affected?

In bed she’s not looking for greater dominance but for intimacy with an equal. If he goes down on her, he yields some dominance. She loves to be pleased, and so he pleases her. It adds to her sense of importance and directly displays his love. While she’s not a winner in the purest sense of reducing his dominance, she’s not the loser either. He does love her, and so all else is minor.

The paradox lies here. Cunnilingus displays a man’s love; he pleases himself with action that pleases her. Fellatio does not display a woman’s love; it doesn’t express her dependence on him nor her gratitude and respect for who he is and what he does. She just pleasures him for the sake of pleasure; love is neither required nor displayed. Thus, cunnilingus has meaning for women that fellatio doesn’t have for men.

Of course, men will take issue with all of the above. It’s never in their interest to have anyone interfere with how they regard sexual relations. Their sense of dominance requires them to contest any amplifying of sex with politics, any tampering with the domain over which they rule by instinct. They think sex is their turf, everybody defends his turf, and politics has no role in the bedroom.

In the end, all of the above is part of the endless competition between men and women. Whoever wins the last battle owns their sexual agenda and will likely win their next encounter.

And now comes the fire from masculine ire to which I aspire to make it expire.

 

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Filed under Culture & Politics, sex differences

2067. Vanity, Thy Purpose is Great — Q&A


With feminine skill at 2066, Her Highness Cinnamon took blogmaster to task. I regret the confusion; lack of clarity on my end. Her questions are quoted and my answers follow. Thanks, Cinnamon, for the ease of clarifying the matter. It’s a tribute to the quality of your questioning.

1. “Are you saying that she tries to be likeable by suppressing natural modesty and vanity and that this is dishonest?”

Not suppresses, just eases off disclosing it. Not dishonest, just mistaken. She focuses so intensely on being liked by both girlfriends and men, that she drops her guard. She’s willing to forgo her heart-felt interests in an effort to not offend or to stand up for herself. So, she adapts to accepting offenses to her sensibilities. (Which she doesn’t have unless she claims them as standard for her.)

And she adopts more comfortable and even sloppy appearance to save time and match others, and it prevents using her prettiness to her advantage. Men have no God-given prettiness to enhance, and so she acts more as men act, which costs her in distinctiveness and uniqueness. All done to fit in better on the likeability circuit her girlfriends follow and men find satisfying, because it makes sex more frequent and convenient.

2. “I thought men did better when women were more mysterious – when they DON’T know who they are dealing with – because it inspires them to find out for themselves.”

That’s true, but the process of learning to deal with her—for her own best interest—starts with her uncovering her standards. What she must have to keep her identity, her uniqueness from other gals, her indebtedness to herself, her separateness from his dominant persona.

3. “Or are you just saying that modesty and vanity are the only two things that she SHOULD be more direct about (while remaining indirect about everything else).”

Pretty much, yes. Modesty and vanity are self-protective and usable as standards unique to the female nature. Men see both as natural and therefore respect a woman’s claims. So, her claims are instinctive, less debatable, more persuasive, and thus more influential inside man-think.

OTOH, in the singles world where two conquerors compete, men feel less respect and restraint for challenging lessons learned in life. Such as religious imperatives, childhood teachings, and moral values. A woman doubtless has other standards and expectations, but they don’t have the authority and predominance that modesty and vanity provide instinctively and that carry over to help stabilize her marriage.

A new thought about how doors open in man-think. By respecting and honoring those two standards, he admires her feminine determination, which makes him see virtue, which energizes him to find ways to live within her standards, which adds to her fascination, which makes him more eager to please her, which tends to build devotion, which adds to the promise he sees in her for his future, which is the gate to the altar. It all started when she let him know that she had standards that he must honor.

It boils down to this. Modesty is a woman’s defensive armor to protect her female sensibilities. Vanity is her offensive technique to exploit her prettiness. Both are inborn and instinctive. Mature men respect both, which jumpstarts a man’s respect out of which his love can grow.

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2066. Vanity, Thy Purpose is Great


We’re all naturally self-centered. Beyond a certain point that varies by individual, self-centeredness is unattractive to the opposite sex. Female modesty and vanity in women are justifiable exceptions. Modesty is a woman’s defensive armor to protect her female sensibilities. Vanity is her offensive technique to exploit her prettiness. Men would do the same if necessary. Consequently, they accept such female uniqueness even though it expands female self-centeredness beyond what normally appeals to men. IOW, men have to indulge her modesty and vanity if they hope to get along. By doing so, they invest themselves in her.

Modesty and vanity are inherited at birth. If a man can’t or doesn’t respect and accept those female traits due to his impatience or other traits, he’s too self-centered for her. She needs to discover it early in dating and below I suggest a way.

Modern women use a very poor strategy for capturing a man. They try to make themselves likeable. They do what they think men like, which of course focuses women on sex too. In response to masculine pressures, they also find it necessary to hide their modest nature and abandon their justifiable vanity. Consequently, they gain insufficient respect from men.

When a man likes a woman before he learns to respect her, his mind focuses on bedding her. When a man learns to respect a woman before he learns to like her, he focuses on learning more about her and is willing to put sex in the background. The former guy enables himself to avoid obligation; the male nature just works that way. The latter guy, however, is open to becoming obligated simply because he is willing to earn his way into her heart. The male nature works that way too. She’s captured his attention for learning more about her and drawn his interest to relationship obligations, which is the first step to capturing him for her.

Women seeking to be liked spotlight what they think men want to hear. That thinking keeps a man from finding out who she truly is. Marginalizing and de-personalizing her interest denies him ‘truth in advertising’ and he makes mistakes dealing with her. Not his fault, hers.

Men deal best with women when they know who they are dealing with. Men are direct and expect women to be. Women, being indirect by nature, overdo caution in order to be liked, and men don’t really know who or what they are dealing with. She’s a person but not a known woman, so he has to operate in somewhat of a vacuum. So, heck, take the easy road; push her for sex.

Here’s the crux of it. When a man can’t figure out who a woman is, the vacuum kills likeability. So, women trying to be liked torpedo their own ship.

Now, the suggestion mentioned above. Do the following early in dating and not later than the third date. Without complaining and without explaining further, let every man know two things. Done delicately helps but in no way apologize.

  1. You have female sensibilities and are easily offended. He’ll ask what, and you just respond with something like, “I’m modest and you’ll just have to figure it out.” It will put him on his toes to be more observant of his words and actions. And each little consideration he makes is an investment of himself.
  2. You require extra time to please yourself with your appearance. Tell him, “I always need extra time. You may be inconvenienced, so plan the best you can.”

Note that both bullets describe who you are. Men can deal with that. Without your letting a man know, he will assume you play like other women. Most of them have thrown away both modesty and vanity in order to be liked and popular. So, what’s the foundation for a man’s respect?

A woman does best when men know who she is and seek to step up to her standards. IOW, he earns his way into her heart by investing himself in not offending her. That works where this doesn’t; she goes along to get along, to be liked by him and popular among his buds.

Women are in charge of their destiny, but they have to train men to come along with them. Modesty and vanity earn manly respect. Out of that likeability can grow.

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2005. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 93


  • Why do women want their man to dress up? Impress her? Yep! Show his devotion? Yep! He acts more appealing and likeable when dressed up? Yep! Those make her feel good, but something else registers higher. Her sense of self-importance must be frequently fed by what others think of her. Consequently, she feels highly important on the arm of her well-dressed man. It confirms that he’s important to her and signals that she’s important to him. He obviously treasures her, since he’s gone far out of his way to look great to be with her. Furthermore, she’s that way on an everyday basis. The better he looks, the greater she shines—daily.
  • Where freedom reigns, as it once did in America, female sensibilities rule the culture. Women indirectly feather the edges around male behavior to make society more suitable for women and children. Unfortunately, men, media, and political activists have watered down female sensibilities with sex education, politics, and porn. Women no longer dominate cultural values, social standards, and domestic expectations. Male dominance has recaptured America today.
  • Selfishness left uncorrected in childhood prevents women from finding gratitude, the absence of which causes unhappiness. They seek happiness at the expense of others, but it eludes them. Selfishness causes men to pursue satisfaction at the expense of others; they become easy to understand but difficult to accept.
  • Religious and political conversions have this in common: One quits living by what they have experienced and starts living by a code that promises who they can be. For example, a Christian is saved, a communist turns conservative or vice versa, or a Christian turns Muslim or vice versa. They adopt a new life based on promises of a better one. But not all of those beliefs are built upon the desire to be a better person for humanity; most are built upon becoming a better member of the group and groups fracture humanity.

 

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1506. Avoid Acrimony to Promote Matrimony — Part II


  • Women can best tolerate a man’s dominance, keep him, and restrain his promiscuous urges by working from the only playbook that puts women directly in charge of both social and domestic arenas—No Sex without Marriage.
  • The more diligently that females show respect and gratitude for males generally, the more likely each woman shows respect and gratefulness for her man.
  • The aggressive male nature requires taming. Mothers nurture boys into adolescents that respect women. Chaste girls civilize boys into men that expect to honor the dreams of women. Wives energize husbands to respect family, responsibilities, and relationships.
  • Wives’ number one complaint is that their husband does not show enough affection. Showing affection is unnatural for men. They have to be taught and best done in childhood.
  • When words are enough to conquer, men will offer little else.
  • Women either set and exemplify civilizing and domesticating values in all their relationships, or men impose masculine hubris on female sensibilities.
  • Feminism sours male devotion for one female, weakens family responsibility, and curdles masculine incentives for honoring female dreams.
  • Feminists begrudge the male ego, but the process devalues females in male eyes more than it hurts men in female eyes.
  • Feminists change the culture by imposing political objectives outside the home, e.g., political correctness. Men take it personal and home life withers as wives are subliminally blamed. (Men angry at women generally don’t make very good mates.)
  • Feminists ridicule and devalue virginity. This dampens manly ego-stroking, belittles the masculine sense of conquest, and reduces the worth of females generally.

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1157. Some Principles about Raising Boys


Just a few motivational principles can improve the effective raising of boys to be good men.

  • Inspire children to become better people this way. Let them see parents trying to become better people. Then, discipline girls with affection and handle boys with respect and they rise eagerly to the challenges of life. (The opposite effect of rising to challenges is self-centeredness and expecting to take rather than give.)
  • A boy’s self-respect arises from affirmation and admiration of his abilities, accomplishments, and consequent importance to himself, his family, and the outside world. (In that order his importance matures through the tweens and teens.)
  • Once a boy enters the tweens about age six, he expects ever-fewer displays of affection until they stop after puberty. Hugs and kisses seem unearned, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, and boys are learning to be men.
  • Replace affection with displays of respect for who he is, what he does, what he stands for, and other admirable qualities and accomplishments. (Parental thoughtfulness and imagination required.) He feels loved by earning self-respect through his accomplishments and having the family endorse who he consequently is and what he consequently does. He’s an ‘accomplisher’ and, incidentally, sort of unmindful of relationship niceties and female sensibilities.
  • His need for self-admiration generates ambitions to do bigger and better things. A satisfied need no longer motivates, and so past accomplishments necessarily give way to newer ones. He tries new things and tests boundaries. Fresher accomplishments enlarge his self-image, his picture of who and what he is in his world. His self-image takes over governing his life more than parental discipline.
  • Boys are little men learning how to carry manly burdens. They spend lots of time discovering ways to earn self-admiration. (It’s the root of ambition.) When others admire them outwardly and expressively, their self-confidence booms, ambitions grow toward mightier things, and direct and physical expressions of love can be left for the girls. The last step solidifies their sexual identity.
  • Caution. If family can’t respect what he does to earn self-respect, then he resents, resists, and perhaps rebels.
  • After puberty, show and tell adolescent boys how admirable they are in strength, character, and potential and you light their ambitions for bigger and better things.

Mom teaches right and wrong in the weans and affirms his importance for doing right in the tweens. Dad teaches obedience in the tweens and coaches the teen to live with tough decisions. A good man emerges from it.

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