Tag Archives: feminine mystique

2163. Dating in Mid-life — Part C1: Improve Vision of Self


You no doubt are a good person, woman, and potential date. Make yourself better before the mirror, however, and three dramatic changes follow. 1) You like yourself better, which enables you to internalize less and associate more easily and likeably. 2) Your attractive likeability enlarges in the eyes of men. 3) You increase your worth as a potential mate. Then the hard work begins; you have more men to screen for Mr. Good Enough.

Mid-life dating is not what you expect. Your normal expectations base it on age-adjusted wishes, hopes, and dreams held over from girlhood. Such as, you deserve this, you promise that, you can love again, you can make a man happy. But four possible weaknesses are embedded there.

  1. What you think you deserve is of little interest to a guy, until he confirms or figures it out that you are respected—as person, woman, and roles you can imaginatively fill in his life—and, therefore, may deserve his attention and loyalty.
  2. Your words of promise mean little or nothing. They might make him feel good for awhile, but your actions are what he perceives as promising to brighten his life. Actions work better than words to hold him. (But don’t go overboard to impress him or suck up. Be relatively cool and perhaps a little standoffish. Make him work to attract you to him. He and not you should show eagerness. You’re the buyer and have to make him the seller.)
  3. Your love does not hold a man. He may see promise in it, which might help you capture him. But your actions that flow out of your love and satisfy him are the ones that keep him interested in you more than just as a sex object. (For example, making yourself pleasant, comforting, and perhaps even entertaining just to be around. Divert his mind away from his single life.)
  4. Men are not interested in being happy as you think of it, e.g., upbeat and joyful. Their counterpart to your happiness is just plain old unemotional satisfaction with themselves. Men should see capturing you as a great accomplishment. They pursue self-admiration out of which grows an endless stream of satisfaction with who they are and what they do. So, exploiting their energy is supposed to earn admiration and satisfaction. Multiplying their satisfaction brings significance. Is that important? Well, their greatest fear is loss of significance, so not earning satisfaction associating with you must be disappointing.

Tune up your mind before you tune up your heart. He’s not into dating or a relationship because you need him, are lonely, can please him regularly, or even that you can or do love him. He dates and continues a relationship with you because he earns self-admiration, determines that your actions signify loyalty to who he is and what he does, and all that leads to his self-satisfaction.

Setting aside for the moment his desire to conquer you, in your presence he feels comfortable. He finds you likeable and fun to be around, respects you, admires himself for having you ‘belong’ to him. When not in your presence, he enjoys more whatever he’s doing, thinks of you and smiles, finds self-admiration more easily at his work because his spirit lifts with thoughts of you. Such small emotional uplifts satisfy him that he’s right for associating with you. It’s not your love that will capture and hold him, but your attention to the details that provide those small uplifts and prove your loyalty to him and his life. Men believe what they figure out by  themselves. (Your rewards come later and sometimes much later.)

Also, you should be aiming at all that on the first face-to-face encounter. If such recognitions are resident in your heart—that is, you know who you are, who he is likely to be, and what you will deliver to and accept from him—then you’re ready to be invited into the dating arena.

Three of your features prompt first date invitations. Your sexual attractiveness, your emotional attractiveness/likeable appearance, and your sense of importance to yourself out of which reflects an attitude that men find interesting. Younger men want to see an attitude of sexual promise. Middle age men are attracted by prospects of endearing associations that enable them to try again, reinvent their lives, or recover from past mistakes. Elders mostly long for a good woman aka comfortable companion or vice versa.

Out of all those are the unique men you should find most appealing for your relationship hopes. Looking for weaknesses to get you into bed, they are surprised to discover mystery, modesty, femininity, monogamous loyalty, female uniqueness, and other qualities they can admire aka virtues. Which makes you virtuous and men want to marry a virtuous woman. IOW, they find so many virtues that they can’t refuse you and you get to choose to buy the most qualified guy who matches your expectations. Admittedly, it may take a lot of dates for all that to unfold.

From the get go, be prepared and know how you will handle your infatuation that may appear even late in life. Not with teen intensity but enough that it clouds your reason and judgment. Remember, there is no Mr. Right until you have lived with him for many years and he morphs toward what you dreamed of. Today, you should look for Mr. Good Enough.

NOTE for you younger ladies. If you get accused of being a prude or old fashioned, study article 1708. You can use it to make men uncomfortable, which will change the behavior of those interested primarily in you.

Next is about planning. Tomorrow at #2164.

 

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2135. Compatibility Axioms #621-630


621. Blame neutralizes or kills compatibility. She is unhappy with her man and blames him. He doesn’t understand her; things aren’t that bad. She’s just ungrateful for him, it appears unjustified, and he after all is a good man doing his best. If she explains it, he disagrees. What else is he supposed to do? Blaming him tampers with his sense of significance, his greatest fear especially when his woman questions it. As his self-defense attitude tells him, he’s challenged as a man and determines to produce results different and perhaps opposite to what she wants. [217]

622. Over time men seek improvements in their lives. They keep trying to better these main objectives: Frequent and convenient sex; meals easier to fix; comfortable recovery from daily work; sex partner that reflects credit on him. A man does it until satisfied with himself. Or compensated with a satisfying alternative such as a good and attractive wife. [217]

623. Her outside appearance attracts a man, her internal qualities hold him. [219]

624. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman, one they find so virtuous as to be fascinating. She’s only as virtuous as a man admires her qualities including appearance, traits, and achievements. So, her rewards associating with men come mostly from being admired for qualities superior to those of other women. Marital inclinations start with one man’s admiration of one woman that exceeds admiration of others. [219]

625. Loneliness and marriage are incompatible. Loneliness comes from too much self-centeredness that lacks self-importance. Sincere giving of herself to others and finding gratitude outside herself increases self-importance and drives out loneliness. [219]

626. What she thinks about most, she gets. If it’s unhappiness, she turns unhappy. If it’s pleasure, she turns toward that. If it’s loneliness, she migrates toward more of it. If its suspicion of his cheating, he’s driven toward it. (The subconscious mind takes each of us toward what we think about the most, whether good or bad, desired or undesired, liked or hated, feared or coveted.) [219]

627. Everything for which she can be grateful adds to her happiness. [219]

628. Modest attire, feminine mystique, moral restraint, monogamous spirit, and proud breast display make gaining access to sex with her appear as a major challenge. He sees that much more togetherness will be required for him to score than with women who dress suggestively or erotically. Except for the ultimate challenge of conquest, challenges are better motivators of men than sex. [220]

629. Feminine mystique stimulates the male mind to slow his charge to conquer, else he may miss out. [220]

630. Modest attire stimulates the male mind to slow its boldness, else he might offend her and lose out. [220]

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2042. Single Women Don’t Pay — III


Interest in this series continue to sparkle, and the dialogue is informative. My part is to close gaps. To marry modern values with how the mind works in response to the very different natures of men and women. Here are a few random thoughts that have sprung up along the way.

  • It’s very old school that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Men eat to satisfy their taste buds, to indulge themselves as reward for their satisfying endeavors. Women aren’t like that. Their nature actually discourages overeating. Unfortunately, it doesn’t promote under-eating except to share with others.
  • If a guy says or implies that you’re a gold-digger (or similar disrespectful claim), respond with this, “Then just wait until you ask for sex.” Throw back in his face any question or rejection of you—or women for that fact. To shape his thinking your way, you must have standards and be willing to pass them to him explicitly when he applies un-respectful pressure. Men respect women for standing up for themselves  unexpectedly.
  • Men want their woman to depend upon them. If a woman provides even gas money, she robs him of his virginity for being totally dependable to her. IOW, cracked ice melts faster. Whatever her dependence, delivering it becomes less satisfying to him because he sold himself earlier.
  • Men won’t be individualistic, masculine, dependable, and independent enough for their own satisfaction if they are helped in the most fundamental task in a man’s life, earning a living. If not totally satisfied as a man, he won’t find enough satisfaction either dating a cost-sharing woman or living with a dependent mate. If he feels less than fully dependable to care for a responsibility that he has accepted, it steers him to prostituting his character on other matters. For example: 1) He takes dates to places that he knows they won’t like or drags them along to associate with buddies. 2) Doesn’t cheating come to mind when you think of a married man not satisfied with what he has produced or possesses, not satisfied with his performance as a man upon whom others depend?
  • Neither sex knows the other well enough to date effectively. It starts with each seeking to get the other to think them more likeable. Both try too hard to please or not displease the other. Both are too eager to not fail. Dating works better when they are guided by their instinctive natures, which mandates simplicity. A man wants a woman to listen to him. A woman wants a man to be pleasant and say promising things. A woman can silently hang onto what a man says from which he infers his own intellectual genius and satisfies himself that she’s worth his investment. Satisfied with her is the key. OTOH, her mystery is the encourager for him to talk, which both determines his likeability and enables her to judge his character as potential Mr. Good Enough. It works equally well and perhaps better over burgers or picnic than over complex meeting, seating, and eating expensively—the latter with all of its distractions and etiquette pressures that take one’s thoughts away from finding likeability in the other.

This isn’t posted to terminate the dialogue, but I’m so encouraged that I just have to resurrect the subject of submission. Hopefully coming soon to a screen near you. Here’s a teaser: Christian pastors handle it wrong.

 

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2028. Female Blessings at Birth — 37-39


This is the thirteenth group and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

I continue taking the list of female blessings for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a blessing is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. It resonates in your heart as truth, even though you may never have thought of it. Don’t let my explanations alter your vote. How does the item register in your heart?

False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for truth about the qualities that women inherit at birth.

37. I have always sensed that men work and remain focused better when dealing with things in the present while I do better by focusing primarily on the future. [Guy adds: It’s her default condition, and it empowers her to minimize decision-making competition and conflict. Compatibility arises more naturally when she allows him to dominate present day decisions while inoffensively, indirectly, and diplomatically getting his buy-in to her thoughts and aims about their future. Present-day decisions will be repeated sometime when she has greater influence by having prepared for that eventuality. Her investment of buying into his decisions today breeds tomorrow’s return on her investment.]

38. I instinctively know that men seek to marry a good woman and I am good enough for what a man needs. [Guy adds: Women use their own interpretation of ‘good’ and, unfortunately, listen to other women about the details. Perhaps because men don’t think about it much less talk about it. Instead, operating independently men track down, test, follow, and marry an appealing accumulation of admirable female qualities existing in one woman. It’s best summarized that men marry a virtuous woman and what they admire they consider a virtue. The more virtues men find then the more fascinating and promising her prospects. Which brings to mind, what ‘venues’ do men explore for details of her likeability and qualities to admire? Female modesty, feminine mystique, monogamous spirit, friendliness toward masculine endeavors, uniqueness relative to men, uplifting spirit, caring heart, strong mindedness that eases up when dealing against him, determination to defend what’s morally right, willingness to depend on him, spirit to work for compatibility, character strength, encouraging personality. Most of those venues arise naturally out of women who follow their female nature (aka the values, beliefs, convictions, and expectations with which they are born).]

39. I instinctively know that a man seeks my weaknesses to help get me into bed—especially the first time with him. Something inside of me says to put it off, delay it, follow my instincts, steel my will against his charm. The more I succeed, the more I control my destiny. [Guy adds: To the extent she delays but he pursues, he unwittingly discovers her strengths and traits that he can admire. Each admirable quality becomes a virtue and men seek to marry a virtuous woman. The more virtues he uncovers then the more quickly she becomes fascinating, which makes her more desirable for more than sex, which encourages his devotion, which can then morph into the promise he sees in her for supporting his ambitions and missions in life, which sets the hook for his appearance at the altar. (Both marital success and failure have roots going back to their first sexual encounter together, the importance of which can’t be overstated.)]

Example for your response: “39-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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1998. Compatibility Axioms #443 — She Duplicates Men


443. Women generate incompatibility when they endorse male values by copying masculine behavior. Their short-range wishes torpedo their long-range thinking. Their future begins to melt and they later morph into the multiplex of singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, depression, divorce, gloom, and misery. (I don’t argue against the comfort or convenience, but only how such things affect men and weaken respect for women generally and each one individually.) A few examples of wrongful copying:

  • Women too easily and too often discard lovely and attractive feminine attractiveness. They copy men with tee shirts, careless hairdos, black or dull and ragged clothes, tattoos, piercings. [152]
  • Either not caring or presuming the right to argue in his face, women compete against their man after conquest, when the male nature expects only cooperation from a conquered woman. [152]
  • Women adopt masculine-style sexual freedom. They let men get by dodging personal commitments, domestic obligations, and responsible habits. Lack of time before conquest prevents words of commitment rising to actions of devotion. Being given frequent and convenient access to sex without marital obligation, men don’t have to provide the extra-female-friendly things that truly benefit women as custom and each woman in particular. [152]
  • By absorbing feminist politics, women condemn the masculine nature while turning off or tuning out their female nature. [152]
  • If she can depend on herself, she doesn’t need him. If that happens, she’s not grateful for him. If that happens, he’s not interested in staying with her beyond the eagerness of romantic love. [152]
  • Women discard feminine mystique. They quit using old school hard-to-get. They mistakenly expect that men appreciate a woman’s sacrifice of her sexual assets. With so little to do to score, men sun themselves later in boredom instead of pleasing women as women wish they could be pleased. [152]
  • Women plead for mutual and meaningful full disclosure, but men have no obligation for being as accurate as women expect. Men hear weakness in her disclosures and use it to get her into bed. It fine tunes men to deal openly but with no obligation for either candidness or honesty. [152]
  • Exposing her weaknesses before conquest reduces the size and intensity of the fascination and promise he sees in her that guides him to the altar. [152]
  • Women think everything should be more equal, so they upstage men by initiating sex. Men welcome it, but it short-circuits or at least weakens a man’s respect that is so essential for enduring love to develop as romantic love fades. [152]
  • Experience with many sex partners hardens a woman’s heart. It makes her cynical, suspicious, and unable to like herself enough to hold a man very easily. [152]

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1991. Self-gratitude—He Doesn’t Love the Whole You


As explained at post 1985, you face a seemingly impossible hurdle in pursuing, capturing, and retaining a potential Mr. Right. While he looks for weaknesses to get you into bed, you have to continually present some unknown quantity of unspecified qualities in ways that make Mr. Good Enough admire them sufficiently for you to appear fascinating. When fascination grows and your promise as his mate also becomes fascinating, he proposes and releases you to wedding planning. He does it all, you are the stimulus.

In the end, your fascination is what your man loves. It’s not the whole you, it’s those parts of you that fascinate and keep him submerged beneath your indirect stimulation and patient influence.

The diving board above the pool of your fascination is erected by this. You always look and act like the woman you hope to be, the woman of your affirming girlhood dreams. It calls for you to maximize the use of natural qualities inherited at birth and minimize the values and habits that flow out of your later development. Three examples: 1) Return to your modest nature and discard the immodest habits you picked up along the road of life. 2) Rather than absorb an offense with silence, react assertively against those who impose their filth on your feminine sensibilities. Determine to get the f- and c- and similar words out of your hearing range, whether you depart or remind others that your sensitivities are more important than their presence. 3) Never disclose to anyone—even family and girl friends—your virgin status, sexual history, or anything else that can cost you someone’s respect or be used against you when flare ups occur as they do in every relationship. Retain some degree of feminine mystique, aka mystery about why you insist on doing uniquely feminine things.

You can use prayer, but God’s timing does not always match yours. In fact, no way exists to make yourself more fascinating than by privately generating self-gratitude before your mirror image, your best friend, your reflection to whom you cannot lie. How to do that comes later.

 

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1926. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 86


  • Women know they are pretty; it comes with birth. Women who smile a lot are prettier. Innocently complimenting or teasing a woman makes her smile and adds beauty to the world. Women should appreciate men for making this a prettier world by niceness and funning rather than an uglier place to live by disrespecting and aggressing.
  • Show me a woman that dislikes compliments and I’ll show you a woman that dislikes herself. She thinks either that she doesn’t deserve it or feminist dogma taught her to reject her nature and also be suspicious of men.
  • A direct connection exists but which happens first? Who starts it? Unsought and unexpected compliments by men cause women to dress and groom more attractively and act more appealingly.
  • If a woman doesn’t appreciate unsought and unexpected compliments by all men, she lacks respect for the male gender and appreciation of herself. It makes her less than ideal for learning to appreciate one man.
  • She’s simple. Comfort with who she is enables a woman to share herself with others. He’s complex. To the extent that a man is comfortable with his sense of significance in the eyes of a woman, it enables him to share himself.
  • Modern women give up their natural mystery and insult their own prettiness. They slap their appearance together with sloppy clothes and disregard for grooming in ways that reveal disregard for their own importance, lack of self-respect, and pain at receiving insufficient love.

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