Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do, but it also conflicts with what a spouse expects.
She needs a brighter future for her family. Mature women exploit their relationship expertise. They work for stable security and promote family development, closeness, and harmony. Immature women seek materialistic brighteners—more money, continuous shopping, unaffordable housing.
Those things are not that important to men. Their male nature focuses more on the present than the future. Wife expects husband to respond favorably to her wishes about their future. However, it takes skill so as not to interfere with his near-term thinking, interests, and plans.
Mature wives focus and coach husband on building and sustaining their marriage. Immature wives pressure husband for greater effort, for more and better of whatever he does. (When he never measures up, it sends loud messages that he’s inadequate and may even be insignificant.)
His needs are far simpler than hers. He only needs a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrow’s ‘battles’.
Such a place is easy to come by elsewhere. Consequently, in marriage he expects fun and comfort to compensate for loss of independence.
It’s her home to build and dominate. When she does it well, it’s a castle to him.
Tradeoffs leads to cooperation—good! Disrespect for their opposing natures leads to competition—ungood!