Tag Archives: girl

1994. Self-gratitude—Guilt and Self-respect


Whether girl or woman, bachelorette or single mom, live in or wife, each lives with an abundance of guilt. Men can and do, but women can’t get rid of it. To some degree women feel too guilty and it languishes for years before fading from their hearts. However, they can ease it and I encourage women to neutralize it at least and overwhelm it at best with self-gratitude.

(Just guessing but I suspect it works something like this. Each woman has a full load that she carries all the time. New guilt displaces the least significant.)

Unfortunately, susceptibility to guilt eats away self-respect, so women need a stronger character foundation. Their nature provides it, dedication to themselves as vital to those around them. But that requires less guilt and some self-respect. Consequently, women need to continually both offset the former and reinforce the latter. The answer lies in habitually using the dresser mirror and the habit of deliberately spending time there. Out of mirror time comes less guilt, more self-respect, and reinforced self-gratitude. All of which enable dedication to themselves as vital to others.

Details about mirror use are coming soon. In the meantime, reviewing these related articles, 1003 and 1291, may fill in some blanks I leave behind.

 

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477. What Moms Never Hear—G: Attitude


Some of what follows may be familiar, but it helps to summarize what makes teens tick.

Like the rest of us, teens are of two minds. The subconscious works in background and governs and guides the conscious mind.

Teen behavior reflects the attitude hidden inside the subconscious. These factors describe much of what’s behind the attitude of typical girl or boy:

Self-esteem is how well the teen likes, loves, respects, and appreciates Self. It formed mostly in infancy and very soon thereafter. Later, it plays a major role in interacting, accepting, and appreciating other people.

Self-image is the teen’s mental and spiritual ‘picture’ of Self. It sets boundaries on behavior, which are usually observed. (If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right.) It forms after the conscious mind comes online, and then explodes in the tweens.

Self-interest is what the teen needs, wants, and/or values. It motivates and prompts action. It opens as guesswork after the conscious mind opens, then slowly progresses, but doesn’t refine itself until the teens or early adulthood.

Self-talk is what teens tell Self about Self. It’s a continual infusion that keeps self-image and self-interest up-to-date and self-esteem out of the dumps.

Self-fulfilling prophecy has two facets that induce subtle change into the subconscious. The impacts are much the same as that of self-talk:

       SFP is the phenomenon of how teens tend to become what others expect. As mother warned, more ‘like those with whom you associate’.

       SFP also works when teens predict or believe something will happen and then quite unconsciously go about making it come true. This includes living up to their own particular expectations, such as with goal setting and accomplishment.

The teen’s subconscious leaks and sometimes broadcasts the resident attitude that these ingredients produce. Attitude helps to figure out what makes a teen tick.

Future posts provide greater details, and Babyhood follows.

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67. Exes, dumpees, and left behinds—Section I


Girls and women repeatedly spend time as ex-girlfriend, ex-lover, ex-live in, ex-wife. Whether searching, shacking up, or married, women repeatedly bounce from one misery to another interrupted frequently with love that doesn’t last and often with a new child. First with a guy and then without, and then with a guy and then without, and then….

Males are just males. Mothers, girls, and wives turn them into promising boys and mature men that please or displease females.

Every man expects he will be great as a mate—by masculine standards, that is. They must be taught otherwise, if female expectations are met.

Sexual encounters do not improve men, because sex neither bonds nor changes them for female advantage. The actions and reactions of women withholding intercourse teach men to adopt female-friendly behaviors and try harder to please females.

When there’s a shortage of unmarried sex all across society, it shapes masculine thinking toward goodness and what women appreciate. Trying to qualify for sex by searching for a female’s weaknesses, a man coincidentally learns about her non-sexual strengths and qualities of value to him. His love needs that base, if it’s to endure beyond the fading of lust, infatuation, and romantic love.

The presence of unmarried sex all across modern society shapes masculine thinking against what women appreciate. The ease of bouncing blossom to blossom lures men away from spending very much effort on females and especially the baggage-laden interests of one. Also, male dominance intensifies.

Modern women don’t rise to the challenge of relationship management required to succeed as a couple. Instead, they act less feminine, more masculine, and objectify themselves for trading in the sexual marketplace.

When relationship mistakes and failures become evident, she dumps him before he dumps her.

She recycles to the dreaded ex side of life. Her lament: ♫Where oh when ♫is my next boyfriend? She sighs and sponges up the sympathy and encouragement of her girlfriends. But the next hook up restarts the cycle.   

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37. When women act like men — Part 1


During her lifetime each female several times wrings herself out from tears that flow after her relationship falls apart. Then, she starts again her standard search for a teen boyfriend, Mr. Right, or Mister Last Chance. But eventually bad habits and desperation, or vice versa, creep in. She tries harder to please the next candidate.

Unfortunately, many women try to do so by making themselves more like men. They adopt masculine habits, such as sloppy attire, gungy grooming, lounging around as one of the guys, sealing friendships through intercourse, ignoring female-friendly moral standards even unto raunchiness, and generally letting men dominate the female side of their world.

Jean Jacque Rousseau said long ago: “The more women want to resemble them, the less women will govern them, and then men will truly be the masters.”

Trying too hard to win and keep a man, women repeatedly march into misery and away from marital success. As if some fateful voice calls cadence, break ups resound throughout the female world:

Hup, toop, thureep, four. Hup, toop, thureep, four. Hook up, shack up, marry up, split up. Hook up, marry up, muck up, pay up. Hook up, link up, everybody knock up. Shack up, split up, shack up, split up. Link up, shack up, cohabiting nice; keep up mating, but forget the rice. Hup, toop, thureep, four, and there he goes, out the door.

And men march in lock step alongside the female soft-headed drumbeat.

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26. Male virginity — nonsense to females


Reorganized, clarified, and reissued as #1763.

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25. Virginity: Real and Virtual


Successful relationships start out very simple. Two conquerors face off. He seeks with minimal obligation and responsibility to conquer her for sex. She seeks a committed mate before providing sex.

If he wins, she finds it almost impossible to increase and difficult to sustain his devotion to her and hers. If she conquers him, her chances improve dramatically for extending their relationship as long as she wants.

She’s almost certain to lose if she plays his game, and there are no guarantees playing her game. After all, men do not need marriage, but most women want it.   

All of this makes virtual virginity reusable and much more powerful than the real thing.

Teen girls have three options. (1) They can make themselves sex objects for boys and fall prey to lies, deceit, and ingratitude that devastate female self-esteem, downgrade female self-image, and mock female self-interest. By following the leadership of boys into becoming  promiscuous, girls forfeit the lessons that abstinence and chastity bring.

(2) Girls can dynamically and for many years use their virginity to reject all boys for sex. By protecting and preserving their virginity, girls learn how Nature endows males and females to succeed as couples. Chaste girls learn to assess a male’s character for fulfilling responsibilities. But above all, abstaining girls learn how to earn a man’s devotion and energize him to honoring female values, standards, and expectations. (If a guy won’t honor her without conquest, he sure won’t honor her afterwards.)

(3) Girls can protect their chastity with the same elan, dynamism, dedication, and silence on the subject as if they were still virgin. When denied actual knowledge and left to their imagination, virtual virginity mesmerizes boys as does the real thing.

Women have the same choices, since virtual can substitute for real virginity and be used to hold a man’s attention while feminine mystique, female modesty, and standards of morality capture his admiration and ultimately devotion.

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