Tag Archives: girlfriend

2175. Dating in Mid-life — Part C8: Her Past, A Simpler View

You can’t shape the dating atmosphere to your advantage without anticipating what is likely to come up. This post is aimed at reinforcing the more practical side of a subject and admittedly aims more at younger than more mature women.

Perhaps the toughest test of your worth to Mr. Good Enough, can and will he accept you without knowing the details of your past sex life? He has four interests: to determine his comparative value as a lover, to prevent his embarrassment as your lover, to determine the likelihood of you cheating, and what really intrigues him: Promiscuous? With his friends? With someone he knows? Mistress? Shack up? Cheap? Easy?

It’s his nature; he’s born that way. Men begrudge anyone who went before them, and the begrudging varies with who are the individuals. Husbands can be forgotten as legitimate earners of your favors (unless you bring it up)—but not the others and some measure of too many or too much reflects harshly against not just you but more importantly him.

CAUTION: The Manosphere loudly broadcasts that women are equally entitled to sexual freedom and their history is of no concern to advocates of Game philosophy. Don’t fall for it, darling. Their philosophic values are founded on the supreme superiority of men over women to the extent that respect for women is non-existent. Their philosophic flavoring floats on Feminism, tends toward homoeroticism, and leans on Islamic values. Overall, it contradicts anyone’s interest in sexual discretion and monogamy.

Here are a dozen pointers to help shape the dating scene to your advantage.

  1. Your known past generates suspicions that override acceptances and assurances. Your unknown past generates fewer suspicions to eat away at the mutual trust you hope to build.  [241]
  2. Men seek and others often advise full disclosure. When men actively pursue more about your past, they can’t ignore and not use the information to shape their thinking. Talked into full disclosure, women expect fairness and equality. The male nature does not originate fairness for sharing sexual assets, and equality is a female concept that men don’t normally consider in human relations. [241]
  3. People argue that trust cannot arise without full disclosure. Hah! Trust arises from convictions drawn from beliefs and speculation about a person. Trust does not arise when specific knowledge prevents such convictions. [241]
  4. Full disclosure comes out uneven, unequal, un-repairable, because the male nature values a woman’s chastity far more than the female nature finds interest in a man’s sexual history.  [241]
  5. The harder a man works to draw details out of your sexual past, the more likely he will use it against you sometime, someway. Perhaps latently, indirectly, or vengefully. It’s available to hold over your head and to rationalize or recover from his own mistakes. [241]
  6. Forgetting your sexual past with lack of knowledge is far easier than forgiving what Mr. GoodEnough learns from full disclosure. The more he knows, the more he thinks. The more he thinks, the more he looks for the bad or unacceptable. The more unacceptable, the less forgetting. The less forgetting, the less forgiving. [241]
  7. Feminine intuition trumps full-disclosure. While not easy, you are blessed with the skills and expertise to withhold who, what, when, where, why, and how of what he doesn’t already know. Withholding information is not dishonesty. Disclosure means candid, accuracy means honest. [302]
  8. His spirit and willingness to give more than he takes may indicate his ability to honor your decision and help qualify him as Mr. GoodEnough. However, if he’s more of a taker, he may not honor your other expectations either. Such as these after marriage: Have kids even though he agreed. Or your desire to stay home and home school, when he wants more income in the home. Or support you in caring for a sick parent. [327]
  9. Your undisclosed sexual past defends your relationship, because his ammo box lacks your historical bullets to fire back in domestic squabbles. [327]
  10. The forward-thinking woman convinces all her female friends to never leak anything about her past to her dating partner, boyfriend, husband, or any other man. But this may fail too, because friends betray friends. They steal dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands, don’t they? Consequently, the wisest woman keeps her sexual history as secret as possible even from friends and family. [327]
  11. Former relationships may be known to your man, but no mention should be made or comparative details disclosed. It’s toxic in any relationship for you to disclose the relative sexual worth of one man to another, regardless of who’s the better. [302]
  12. Don’t think you can outsmart him by claiming he’s your greatest lover ever. You opened the door to his inquiry about how and why he’s the greatest, so you’re trapped into telling what you’re best off not to disclose.

The more that Mr. GoodEnough knows, the more likely he will make you pay some price for your past. Couples do squabble. You may never know or understand what’s happening. Yet, he may strike back because of your earlier sexual events. It takes very little for reminders of your past to grow into humiliation for him. Your history affects his sense of significance, whether you know it or not and accept it or not. 

I know this subject has been perhaps overheated and difficult to accept. Too much of a good thing can still be boring. Tomorrow’s subject is also a tender one that needs to be reviewed for mid-life dating. It’s submission, even though we all know that subject doesn’t apply before marriage. Preparation is easier than recovery, which is the not just everything but quite often the only thing.



Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, How she wins

2013. Female Blessings at Birth — 16-18

It’s the sixth group and I’m grateful for whatever feedback you send.

I continue taking the (currently 85) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life.

Where “Guy explains,” I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge my assumptions of how women are motivated by virtues they inherit at birth.

16. I am capable of finding new ways almost every day by which to show and encourage my boyfriend that he must respect me for who I am, what I do, and especially what I refuse to do. [Guy explains: Her capability to enhance her future by protecting herself in the present arises out of her adaptable female nature and her near-constant thinking about her man. Her dedication to self-protection arises out of 1) her sense of relative importance with others. 2) The inherited-at-birth belief that she deserves respect as person, female, and girlfriend. 3) The natural expectation that boyfriend’s respect will be confirmed by his actions and reactions aimed at pleasing her. She intuits but social pressures encourage her to ignore this. If he can’t respect her wishes for chasteness before marriage, he won’t give too much respect for what she wishes after that event. IOW, refusing to yield before marriage earns the essential ingredient of masculine love, respect, that extends beyond the altar.]
17. I am grateful that men and I battle continually to see if a man conquers me for sex first or I conquer him for marriage. [Guy explains: Her heart is intuitively convinced: 1) Protecting her sexual assets is essential for the fulfillment of her girlhood hopes and dreams—although the connection is easily broken by social pressure. 2) Competing and directness best protect her interest before marriage but cooperating and indirectness serve her best after the altar. 3) Failing to yield to each man earns self-respect which also earns the respect of other men.]
18. I am vital to the people in my life and grateful that I can read and interpret the signs of it. [Guy explains: Her vitality arises out of her sense of importance in the lives of others. Her gratefulness arises out of her inherited-at-birth relationship expertise and ability to sense and interpret feedback.]

Example for responses: “17-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception.

Thank you for your opinions.



Filed under feminine

460. KEEPERS FOR KEEPERS — Assortment 14

Dear Daughter: Some more nuggets worthy of your review:

v Whether girlfriend, fiancé, or wife, she is responsible to sustain her man’s devotion. Otherwise, her behavior squelches it. [17]

v Women as lovers and live-ins contribute little to harnessing masculine aggression, because their potential for being dumped significantly reduces their influence. [18]

v Women either set civilizing, domesticating, and cultural values through home life, or men foist masculine hubris on female sensibilities. [18]

v The better she looks to herself, often measured by the reaction of others, the faster she learns in iddy-biddy steps to like herself more. [11]

v Envy causes the appearance of husband’s comfort arrangements to cry out for her correction. So, wives try, tempers fly, husbands defy, and then say goodbye. [9]

v Modern females advertise and provide the sexual equivalent of video games just waiting to be played. He hits the jackpot with shack up, and she pays off. [15]

v Maximum cleavage or near-nipple exposure focuses men on sex instead of the female and downgrades her other qualities. [12]

v Husbands want to be confirmed as significant, but wives provide affection. Wives want to be shown affection, but men assume that their continuing presence signifies affection. [4]

v If he shows disrespect for her before their first sex together, it will worsen after conquest. [9]

v Her strengths working for her: Don’t marry until he needs no more upgrades to please her for life. [17]

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Filed under Dear daughter, Uncategorized

250. Female Fortitude—66 through 70

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

66.            A woman easily kills her relationship when she exhibits female weaknesses that harden her heart against cooperation and soften her head in favor of competing with her man.

67.            She recycles to the dreaded ex side of life. Her lament: ♫Where oh when ♫is my next boyfriend? She sighs, cries, and sponges up the sympathy and encouragement of her girlfriends. But the next hook up restarts the cycle.   

68.            Women hook up only to ask, Why does he not call? Many possible reasons apply both after weeks of dating and one night stands.

69.            Feminism encourages women to value themselves individually, as men do. Femininity encourages women to value themselves as part of a couple, as Nature endows them.

70.            If her ex is going to be any different than he was in their first marriage, he needs to respect her more than before. Only that will make him favorably different, and virtual virginity earns such additional respect.

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

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Filed under Fickle female, Uncategorized

227. What daughters never hear—Section 4

Women control this sequence of events, but men invariably win:  hook up, link up, shack up, knock up, marry up, frighten up, muck up, ‘fess up, split up, pay up, and end up looking to start over.

Conquest releases the hunter-conqueror to look for a new target.

♀ He sees a recent conquest as girlfriend, occasional sleepover, duty slut, discard, or—if she played the pre-sex courtship to her advantage—perhaps a keeper. 

♀ Inspiring and energizing her man without de-motivating him is difficult. But a woman’s natural relationship expertise provides enough skills—if she also practices patience and indirectness.

♀ Only one way exists to find out if a man is really after a woman for herself. Withhold sex until he proves himself willing and worthy by honoring her ideals, standards, and expectations for giving up his freedom.

♀ Long-term marriage boils down to this: She chose him. She’s the relationship expert. Experts critically qualify someone trying to sell them something. Later, they make necessary adjustments to live with what they ‘purchased’.

♀ Promises and words of commitment fade easily under daily pressures. Acts of commitment reinforce feelings, promote permanency, and grow into devotion capable of surviving daily pressures.

[More that daughters never hear appear in posts 214, 200, and 183. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

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Filed under feminine, Uncategorized

226. The high cost of cheap sex — 11

The Marrying Man ponders the new male game that girls have developed, ‘friends-with-benefits’:

·        Who did and who didn’t? I don’t want one that did, but can I ever be sure?

·        Did my new girlfriend do that? Does she now?

·        Who are her friends? How many? Do I know them?

·        When I meet them, will I know?

·        How many male friends will she keep after our marriage? With benefits?

·        How do I know the difference between those that benefitted and didn’t?

·        Where does she draw the line between friend and acquaintance? A few drinks, perhaps?

·        Does she associate with girls that do it? Still hanging out with them? (We become like those with whom we associate!)

·        If she did it out of friendship, how binding will our love be? Can she devote herself to only one man? Does she need male friends?

·        How long do sealed friends remain friends?

·        Friendships don’t just end, so how about the benefits?

·        Did she benefit any of my friends or men that I know?

·        What about new friends she makes? We make? They entitled?

·        Once a friend always a friend? Where does it end?

[More about high costs of cheap sex appears in posts 207, 190, 171, 161, 149, 138, 99, 84, 39, and 2. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following.]


Filed under How she loses, Uncategorized

198. Virtual Virginity #11

☼ When he shows interest, she starts out as targeted sex object. Her yielding confirms it. Hunters stop aiming at game already put down—except for booty call.

☼ To each man interested in her, she’s a sex object. She yields and becomes something else. She does not yield and becomes something better.

☼ Withholding unmarried sex is the most valuable way to shift a man’s focus to feminine interests, especially away from male dominance.

☼ He keeps looking for her weaknesses to get her in bed. While doing so, he learns to appreciate her other qualities and strengths that benefit him.  

☼ Female dominance works indirectly, beneath conscious thought. Her insistence on unmarried chastity forces him to choose: Either depart or enlarge his interest in all the other wonderful things she has to offer and qualities she has to charm his life.

☼ Unmarried chastity with a man enables her to orchestrate his interests gently but deliberately through this sequence: girlfriend, sweetheart, fiancé, bride, wife. It’s her path to feminine glory.

☼ Yielding empowers him to pursue this: hook up, link up, and maybe shack up until his freedom calls, and they split up. It’s his path to masculine glory.

☼ Conquest weakens his interests in her. Weaker interests require less effort and intensity for one woman and enable him to spread his interests elsewhere.

NOTE: The youngest generation gets it right. “Young women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It’s Not Bad to Be Good”  It’s a quote from the dust cover of girls gone MILD by Wendy Shalit. She also authored A Return To Modesty, Discovering The Lost Virtue. I recommend both to parents and all females seeking to spend their life with one man. Both books taught me the deepness of the female nature.

[More about virtual virginity appears in posts 181, 169, 158, 147, 136, 125, 96, 70, 51, 44, and 25. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot following.]


Filed under Uncategorized, virginity