Tag Archives: God

2345. Tribute to Female Nature — 01: Chocolate Pays

I was asked why I give so much chocolate to women, many that I don’t know.

Single Hershey bars given to clerks, friends, dental hygienists, favorite restaurant servers, greeters, neighbors, wives, singles, grandmothers, secretaries, doctors’ nurses, house cleaners, and my optometrist every visit. If I anticipate the encounter, it’s an occasion for chocolate bar in a lunch bag. (Real men don’t do gift bags and tissues with femmy touches.)

A bag of Hershey Miniatures frequently goes to businesses I visit for whatever reason to be placed in the break room with this disclaimer: Guys get none unless the gals say so, ‘cause I don’t do chocolate for men. (Usually presented in a Wal-Mart plastic bag.)

First, teasing women—and giving chocolate for no reason—makes their prettiness shine brighter. Second, I enjoy trying to make funny the gift-giving encounter. Both keep me reminded of my duty. Third, I realize that God gave chocolate to men—not to women—so that men could get women to pay attention to them.

Fourth, and the most compelling reason and which I’ve made a duty, it’s my tribute to women. I was dumb as an under-inflated tire for my first 70 years. This century I educated myself on what wonderful creatures God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize mostly for the benefit of men. Who, of course as you ladies know, may have a slight clue but fall far short on appreciation, affection, and understanding of female needs, wants, and expectations.

So much for me and chocolate. Why the tribute? So few recognize women as the superior gender. How they make civilization work and stabilize society in the face of the dominant gender working against peaceful accommodation. How they prevent the enslavement of women and children, when political conditions enable it as in the U.S.

Tomorrow we’ll examine the male nature that needs female help to keep Western civilization on track.


Filed under Culture & Politics, Dear daughter

2341. Suggestions for Raising Children — Part XV

Tactical Parenting: Encouraging Sexual Restraint in Teen Girls

This is a follow-on to 2339. Start with toddlers to teach girls how to handle boys and men. Teach them from the earliest to constantly spotlight how the sexes are very different. Teach that life comes in two main sections, before and after marriage, and as the old saying goes: Never the twain shall meet.

Females push on males all the responsibility for initiating, earning, and otherwise selling themselves until their proposal for marriage. When they meet at the altar, it means she bought what he sold, which means that the roles reverse and she has contractually agreed to become seller to his buyer and thus inherits similar responsibilities after marriage.


If moms teach the following to toddlers and pre-teens, they will intuitively carry it into adolescence and adulthood.

  1. Boys get nothing from a girl unless they earn it. Boy wants a piece of her candy, she tells him to run around the house—or jump in that mud puddle—and she will share. Brother wants help with homework, sister says you owe me a banana split and I will collect, right? or else I destroy your bed room! Classmate wants to walk home with her, he carries her books (I recognize the old-schoolness of it, but it sure tamed boys to accept girl-think.)
  2. Boy wants to give girl a ride on his bike; she says walk with me first, push your old bike. Boy wants first kiss and girl says huh, uh; what have you done to deserve it? He asks for first date; she says only if you go to church with me. He wants to go park on lover’s lane; she say’s only if so-and-so go too. He wants to stop after work for drinks; she says huh, uh—coffee is okay though. He tries to talk about sex; she starts talking about marriage.
  3. It discourages females from giving men and boys unearned ‘gifts’ which guys don’t appreciate. And simply asking for something from a female is not earning anything; it’s still a freebie if he gets what he wants with words. (Men know to focus on her ears.) Only actions by males register with them as earning something.
  4. If males aren’t earning female favors of whatever kind, they are not kept in the seller’s role. It’s incumbent on females to train males to meet female expectations or it never happens. Males become satisfied by getting what they want from females without paying a price except for a few words they throw out to see if any click and stick with that chick.
  5. The more easily females accept words as their reason to accept a guy for whatever, the easier it is for guys to learn to lie. It also means that dealing with women with low expectations, men weaken the importance of integrity for honest dealings. They can too easily score with disingenuousness; it’s habitual among players.
  6. Everything is relative. Each sex reacts to the stimuli of the other. A man becomes what a woman desires only when she learns early to act as the buyer until they depart the altar. It enables the mother’s hand that rocks the cradle and rules the world to continue the rocking; it’s done indirectly by teaching toddler(s) how to handle males. Female intuition carries it through the tweens, teens, and into successful family life.
  7. Dealing with males this way also makes inexperienced females more valuable to themselves. It improves their self-image, -like, -confidence, and -control. More control means less depression. Girls get in the habit from toddlerhood of always expecting boys and men to pay some price for female favors of whatever kind.
  8. Making all of that come out to the advantage of females starts with mom and her toddler girl(s).


  • It’s simple, stop what’s gone before. At the altar, he paid his price for all she can provide in care, support, and favors.
  • Now that doesn’t mean she’s his slave or to batted around. It means that before marriage men have to please her, so the one who wins her knows that she’s been positioned to intuitively strive to please him as opposed to his always having to please her.

It’s the natural quid pro quo designed by God, endowed by Nature, and energized by hormones and provides the foundation that makes a couple compatible as mates. She gets her way until they marry.

After that, if he’s devoted and she’s smart, she continues to get her way. If he’s not devoted, she has a hard time ruling the rooster much less ruling the home. Marital success starts in toddlerhood.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, sex differences

2256. Interface of Natural Love: Compatibility and Mutual-interest

To describe a couple’s love requires that it be examined in three stages: foundation, two personalities, and individual self-interests.

  1. The foundation is how they are born differently and then come together. That natural interface is described in the previous article (2255).
  2. Rising above that foundation, two personalities must be compatible at the start or made so as their relationship develops. “Made so” implies that someone has to change in order to adjust enough to mix masculine competition and feminine cooperation into a workable solution. Men will change before conquest in order to capture a woman if she is more important to him than just for sex.

After conquest, however, instinctive male nature prevents conquerors from changing to please the conquered. So, each woman faces the frustrations of managing her sexual assets in such a way that enables her to integrate two diverse personalities into compatibility.

Moreover, women are blessed with sufficient ability. At birth they inherit an adjustable ability that enables them to achieve what they are after. Management traits of patience and flexibility that men lack (for dealing with women, that is) enable decisions wiser than his when she’s choosing a mate.

Simply by managing how competition about conquest morphs into cooperation without conquest, women can bring forth the blossoms of love in relationship development. The only requirement is that he pursues her for sex and she refuses until he meets her expectations for sufficient devotion to her above others. Without her love of him and his devotion to her, there’s not enough meat to share on the compatibility platter.

If she doesn’t ensure before conquest that he obligates himself to fulfill her expectations, then he assumes no responsibility toward or for her well-being. It torpedoes her ship, because the character, strength, and dependability of men is founded on personal obligation to fulfill whatever they consider their responsibility. IOW, making herself his responsibility is the essence of marital love, compatibility, and—up next—mutual-interest.

  1. Self-interest motivates everyone. Unless forced, people don’t violate it. Unless charmed by a good woman, men don’t yield their self-interest to hers. Unless passionate about marrying a particular man, women don’t yield theirs either.

Integrating two very diverse self-interests into mutual-interest is the work of woman. Only she has the interest, traits, and ability to merge such opposing and tremendously personal ‘belongings’. The ingredients that drive self-interest—e.g., tightwad, promiscuous, responsible, fearful, integrity, passionate, ungrateful, selfish, courageous, stubborn, irresponsible—are owned and difficult to part with in order to accommodate someone else’s ingredients that might destroy or infringe on yours.

Integrating two individual self-interests into one synergistic mutual-interest requires monumental and continuous effort. It’s a—and perhaps the—major reason women are so well prepared for it. And men are not.

God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize man and women differently and they face love at the interface described at 2255. After they meet, just about everything else that has to be done is accomplished by the woman. She integrates their personalities into compatibility and self-interests into mutual-interest. Thus, she earns her man’s respect by achieving marital success, which solidifies his love because respect is the foundation of it.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins, sex differences

2159. Dating in Mid-life — Part B3: Elephant in the Room

Here’s politics in the raw. During your first date, two conquerors face off. He seeks sex without obligation, but expects to pay some price that you determine and he hopes to minimize. You seek a permanent relationship by doing whatever you think it will take.

I think of successful relationship development in four stages that develop progressively and remain dependent on each other. 1) His interest matches your likeability. 2) His loyalty matches your love. 3) His commitment matches mutual promises of sexual fidelity. 4) His devotion matches your plans for your future together. But an elephantine risk for you lurks in the background.

His primal and endless urge to conquer attractive women has spotlighted you as a target. Don’t disregard the importance of that urge hardwired in his psyche. Be prepared, know what’s forthcoming if you yield sexually.

This is the elephant: He will reveal a different persona if and when he conquers you. The elephantine risk is whether you will end up as keeper, booty, or dumpee.

Conquest releases his nature to hunt again, and you discover what you really mean to him. You tame that elephant if you successfully develop a mutually loyal relationship while dating. Then in courtship you expand promises of loyalty to commitment and on to mutual devotion, which effectively ties the elephant’s leg to a well-anchored peg in the ground.

Your importance to a potential conqueror does not guarantee that you will remain important to him after conquest. If he hasn’t pledged exclusive loyalty based on good character, committed faithfully based on words of integrity, or become devoted to you so obvious in his actions—all before you yield—then he feels no obligation to refrain from hunting elsewhere.

Devotion to one woman is the only thing that truly tames—not kills, just tames—a man’s hardwired hankering to conquer attractive women. Devotion develops out of his daily actions and reinforcing words designed to please himself by pleasing you. Growth toward devotion also energizes him to not disappoint you. He routinely if not often enough pleases you and finds opportunity to please himself for lifting your spirits whether you need it or not. He goes all out on your behalf when you hurt inside or outside. Furthermore, his actions and attentions are consistent and persistent and not dependent on his convenience.

When we see a man who falls in love at first sight, we see devotion formed instantaneously. It isn’t the love that females sense and claim. Masculine loyalty and faithfulness spring out with effects that match female love.

A lot of time is required to tame and then peg that elephant to the ground. Months and perhaps a year or more depending on you and your romance target. You have by far the greater challenge, which is why God gave you relationship expertise. You  hold him off sexually while making and keeping yourself attractive, likeable, and loyal to his satisfaction. Your wordy expressions of love don’t work nearly as well as those qualities; his primary sensor is eyes and not ears, his expectation is satisfaction and not happiness.

However, a natural process exists that you can use. No guarantees, but the odds favor you as successes accumulate inside the process described as He Walks Himself to the Altar (coming later).

I almost forgot. In the dating arena, the elephant shrinks in size with aging. Huge at age 30, by age 60 it should be dwarf-size, perhaps self-tied to the peg in the ground, and of little risk or threat. You ladies know how to adjust according to the age of your romance targets.

Risk takers win, and that’s for tomorrow at #2160.


Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, feminine, How she wins

2157. Dating in Mid-life — Part B1: You Gotta’ Know the Territory

Her Highness MeowMeow at 2153 asked about dating in one’s fifties. I expand it to ages 30 to 60 and deepen it to include developing (but not maintaining) a lifetime relationship. After all, that’s the unspoken objective and endless dream behind all dating for women in mid-life.

Some women too easily, however, give up before they exhaust the blessings they inherit at birth. They shouldn’t. Hope springs eternal from the heart of a woman, and by God’s design it enables you to make your world turn in your favor. Born to be happy, you earn it as you find and expand your gratefulness while searching, capturing, and relating with a man. Hopefully he’s valuable and beneficial for your mellowing lifestyle. But if he’s no better than adequate, it’s no reason to give up. You’re powerfully skilled to improve a relationship that starts out short of perfect.

Age doesn’t matter before first date if you exploit your relationship expertise. You aim at success. It calls for you to exploit your own strengths, compensate for your weaknesses, make the most of new man’s strengths, and ignore his weaknesses long enough to learn to also compensate for them. The female heart is wonderfully designed and powerfully blessed to exploit strengths and weaknesses and do it well. After learning, of course, and avoiding discouragement from the few or even more mistakes made along the way.

It all may sound too complex to fathom, but my role is to make the process simpler so you can make it easier for yourself and more meaningful for the next man in your life. I present this series in four major sections: a) the children (posted at 2156 and more to follow), b) relationship development process, c) your role, and d) the roles of men.

Relationship Development Process.

Others talk endlessly about the dating scene. Most women’s interest at every age, however, is about what dating leads to. It’s the start up to merging two or more lives together harmoniously and hopefully for life. So, all about dating that follows is designed to help women develop relationships that lead to permanency. All else is folderol or fun and games and irrelevant here.

By nature women are processors; they keep things going. Men are producers; they find satisfaction in making single events and results come out as intended. First date is a production and belongs to the man. Second date begins the relationship development process and your involvement. Being a series of events, dating one guy or many, the process works to the woman’s advantage or she’s not doing it right. That’s why women float along under the stewardship of each individual dater; return engagements are best produced by not driving the bus. Men are willing to deliver one date at a time, because they hope with minimal obligation to discover what price they must eventually pay to get you in bed.

You all know this but—especially during passionate moments—it’s inconvenient to remember it. Men date to associate and work up to getting sex. Women date to develop a lasting relationship. They compete. Each tries to sell the other on their agenda. He works directly but tries to disguise it with dynamic selling of himself. You work indirectly, and it takes you much longer to sell a man on your agenda. If you can’t find time and reason to hold him off and complete your sale, you yield first time sex and he wins and you may or may not lose him. What happens after his conquest is unknown until after it happens. He changes, and then you find out how accurate and true were his words. How he really, truly feels about you—or doesn’t. You take all the risk or you don’t get very far.

Unfortunately, that’s the only way for you to uncover a man’s intentions. Wait to see his actions and believe what he does after your first sex together, and locked in marriage is optimal. After his momentous conquest outside of marriage, he will be a changed man. He also takes charge of your sexual agenda as conqueror’s right, and you become keeper, booty, or dumpee. You don’t know which until the time comes, unless you have delayed conquest long enough for his devotion to you alone to have developed. That means months at least and perhaps a year or more of courtship.

Romantic love is often a scene stealer, disguiser of truth. It may or may not contribute to the enduring love that you hope will follow after romantic love fades a year or two after conquest.

Over the first few decades of life, the youthful attitudes of both sexes change. Out of unsuccessful relationships and soured marriages, the genders shy away from closeness except often for the mutual comfort of sex. But sex doesn’t bond men, only women.

Consequently, you are more interested than men for developing a relationship, and it generates three burdens for you in the dating arena. You have to virtually ignore risks to your feelings, learn to proceed cautiously, and have to earn the respect of each man you date. Moreover, development works best when you neither explain yourself or your feelings directly, nor try to convince him of your love with words. He believes much more easily what he figures out for himself.

You have to earn a permanent relationship. You do so by actions that show new man that he’s admired and favored over others. Oh, not on first date but both later and by indirectness. It enables him to see promise in you that can and likely will help fulfill his present life and future ambitions.

From day one you should claim these truths as part of your attitude. Men stay married when they sense themselves rewarded and admired for husbanding, fathering, and believing that only they can do as well at what they do best. That is, produce, provide, protect, and problem solve for those to whom they accept responsibility.

During dating and courtship, you should get your mind and heart wrapped around how to do your part in that scenario. After marriage is too late to start. Without it being habitual in your heart before marriage, the glow of bridal success will keep your focus elsewhere and thus hold you back. The absence of admiration, respect, dependence, and gratefulness for his presence in your life are toxic to a marriage, and so should be developed in courtship.

Men date for fun and games and put sex at the top of the priority list. When you don’t have a plan to follow, it releases men to follow their interest, which inevitably doesn’t work well for you. Expecting to develop a relationship, you do best when you have solid intentions that are more important in your heart than having a date or dates (more later about a plan).

That’s the territory. Now, let’s talk about the value of chaste courtships that fall automatically out of chaste dates and the promise of more chastity. It’s coming tomorrow at #2158.



Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she wins

2103. Women as Champions Or … ?

Sir Eric at 2101 reported this. “[W]hat I’ve noticed mostly from women is an attitude that seems to hold all men as fairly indistinguishable and interchangeable. When you look at the high divorce rates and the whirlwind relationships that go on today—if women are the relationship experts, it seems like they value men and relationships on a very low-level.”

Good conclusions from the results Eric sees in society. Allow me to bore underneath and describe some of the natural motivational forces at work.

Women value men and relationships on a very low-level because they value themselves on a very low-level. Dislike for themselves transmutes into dislike of others, particularly trait for trait, quality for quality. None of us can give what we don’t have, and so if I dislike myself for sometimes not being totally honest, I can’t credit anyone else with that good habit. OTOH, if I acknowledge more rationally that I’m sometimes not honest but it doesn’t make me dislike myself, then I can credit others for their APPARENT honesty. The difference is determined by the governor of the behavior of every person, their self-image, the picture they have of themselves and their roles and positions in life. (If sinning makes me dislike myself instead of trying to do better, then my self-image takes a hit with every sin. It doesn’t take long to convince myself that I’m no damn good.)

Women hold all men as fairly indistinguishable and interchangeable because they feel that way about themselves. As I try to point out in Female Blessings at Birth, women are highly distinguishable and not interchangeable. They can choose to claim, believe, and exploit the multitude of better-than-male blessings they are born with. IOW, they can use their superiority to their advantage, which is what God intended, Nature provides, and hormones energize—but it’s an individual matter and free will has to be dedicated to individual betterment.

Life continues to boil down to this, as women goes so goes society.


Filed under Fickle female

2101 — Compatibility Axioms #551-560

551. Christian men complain that young women and girls dress so seductively for church that they discredit God and steal male attention away from church teachings. Church-going men usually make good husbands, but they must be proud of how their wife appears in public. [200]

552. If she doesn’t dominate the courtship agenda, she won’t have much power in any other arrangement—except separation. [201]

553. “We are mutually co-dependent,” she imagines. Women think or hope that men are like females in their thinking, habits, and urge to constantly be together—wrong! [201]

554. If she does not like herself and love being a female, she will not appreciate any man for very long—except the older, father figure. [201]

555. If she stands for nothing but the popular and fashionable, she will fall for what’s new—including another man. [201]

556. If women don’t condemn what embarrasses them, they undermine their self-respect and miss opportunities to gain the respect of men for female sensibilities. [201]

557. Marriage boils down to this: She chose him. As the relationship expert, she’s responsible to qualify him and place value on whatever he’s selling. Then, as the buyer, she makes whatever adjustments are necessary to live with what she ‘purchased’. [201]

558. Modern women use sex, hope, and loving affection to bond their future with a man. But the multitude of short relationships shows that it doesn’t work very well. [201]

559. Instead of making men prove they are worthy of her as the buyer and him as the seller, modern women reverse those roles in order to have a boyfriend. They consider the present more important than the future, which is the male and not female priority of life. [201]

560. Men highly value female virtue. The promise of eventual conquest of a virtuous woman adds honor to his manly persona and significance. But it’s up to women to demonstrate the qualities that men admire and decide are virtuous. [202]



Filed under Dear daughter