Tag Archives: grateful

2157. Dating in Mid-life — Part B1: You Gotta’ Know the Territory


Her Highness MeowMeow at 2153 asked about dating in one’s fifties. I expand it to ages 30 to 60 and deepen it to include developing (but not maintaining) a lifetime relationship. After all, that’s the unspoken objective and endless dream behind all dating for women in mid-life.

Some women too easily, however, give up before they exhaust the blessings they inherit at birth. They shouldn’t. Hope springs eternal from the heart of a woman, and by God’s design it enables you to make your world turn in your favor. Born to be happy, you earn it as you find and expand your gratefulness while searching, capturing, and relating with a man. Hopefully he’s valuable and beneficial for your mellowing lifestyle. But if he’s no better than adequate, it’s no reason to give up. You’re powerfully skilled to improve a relationship that starts out short of perfect.

Age doesn’t matter before first date if you exploit your relationship expertise. You aim at success. It calls for you to exploit your own strengths, compensate for your weaknesses, make the most of new man’s strengths, and ignore his weaknesses long enough to learn to also compensate for them. The female heart is wonderfully designed and powerfully blessed to exploit strengths and weaknesses and do it well. After learning, of course, and avoiding discouragement from the few or even more mistakes made along the way.

It all may sound too complex to fathom, but my role is to make the process simpler so you can make it easier for yourself and more meaningful for the next man in your life. I present this series in four major sections: a) the children (posted at 2156 and more to follow), b) relationship development process, c) your role, and d) the roles of men.

Relationship Development Process.

Others talk endlessly about the dating scene. Most women’s interest at every age, however, is about what dating leads to. It’s the start up to merging two or more lives together harmoniously and hopefully for life. So, all about dating that follows is designed to help women develop relationships that lead to permanency. All else is folderol or fun and games and irrelevant here.

By nature women are processors; they keep things going. Men are producers; they find satisfaction in making single events and results come out as intended. First date is a production and belongs to the man. Second date begins the relationship development process and your involvement. Being a series of events, dating one guy or many, the process works to the woman’s advantage or she’s not doing it right. That’s why women float along under the stewardship of each individual dater; return engagements are best produced by not driving the bus. Men are willing to deliver one date at a time, because they hope with minimal obligation to discover what price they must eventually pay to get you in bed.

You all know this but—especially during passionate moments—it’s inconvenient to remember it. Men date to associate and work up to getting sex. Women date to develop a lasting relationship. They compete. Each tries to sell the other on their agenda. He works directly but tries to disguise it with dynamic selling of himself. You work indirectly, and it takes you much longer to sell a man on your agenda. If you can’t find time and reason to hold him off and complete your sale, you yield first time sex and he wins and you may or may not lose him. What happens after his conquest is unknown until after it happens. He changes, and then you find out how accurate and true were his words. How he really, truly feels about you—or doesn’t. You take all the risk or you don’t get very far.

Unfortunately, that’s the only way for you to uncover a man’s intentions. Wait to see his actions and believe what he does after your first sex together, and locked in marriage is optimal. After his momentous conquest outside of marriage, he will be a changed man. He also takes charge of your sexual agenda as conqueror’s right, and you become keeper, booty, or dumpee. You don’t know which until the time comes, unless you have delayed conquest long enough for his devotion to you alone to have developed. That means months at least and perhaps a year or more of courtship.

Romantic love is often a scene stealer, disguiser of truth. It may or may not contribute to the enduring love that you hope will follow after romantic love fades a year or two after conquest.

Over the first few decades of life, the youthful attitudes of both sexes change. Out of unsuccessful relationships and soured marriages, the genders shy away from closeness except often for the mutual comfort of sex. But sex doesn’t bond men, only women.

Consequently, you are more interested than men for developing a relationship, and it generates three burdens for you in the dating arena. You have to virtually ignore risks to your feelings, learn to proceed cautiously, and have to earn the respect of each man you date. Moreover, development works best when you neither explain yourself or your feelings directly, nor try to convince him of your love with words. He believes much more easily what he figures out for himself.

You have to earn a permanent relationship. You do so by actions that show new man that he’s admired and favored over others. Oh, not on first date but both later and by indirectness. It enables him to see promise in you that can and likely will help fulfill his present life and future ambitions.

From day one you should claim these truths as part of your attitude. Men stay married when they sense themselves rewarded and admired for husbanding, fathering, and believing that only they can do as well at what they do best. That is, produce, provide, protect, and problem solve for those to whom they accept responsibility.

During dating and courtship, you should get your mind and heart wrapped around how to do your part in that scenario. After marriage is too late to start. Without it being habitual in your heart before marriage, the glow of bridal success will keep your focus elsewhere and thus hold you back. The absence of admiration, respect, dependence, and gratefulness for his presence in your life are toxic to a marriage, and so should be developed in courtship.

Men date for fun and games and put sex at the top of the priority list. When you don’t have a plan to follow, it releases men to follow their interest, which inevitably doesn’t work well for you. Expecting to develop a relationship, you do best when you have solid intentions that are more important in your heart than having a date or dates (more later about a plan).

That’s the territory. Now, let’s talk about the value of chaste courtships that fall automatically out of chaste dates and the promise of more chastity. It’s coming tomorrow at #2158.

 

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2131. Male Blessings — How Men Start Out In Life


The following are the essentials and the forerunner of Male Blessings At Birth to be posted soon at blog top.

Female blessings are qualities that make women grateful and are first steps to their happiness. Male blessings are heart-felt characteristics that men possess without regard to gratitude; they are just that way and are born to claim it. It’s just possession rather than gratitude. Their claims, however, are essential for each man to earn satisfaction within himself. Satisfaction, it’s the natural equivalent of happiness for women.

Ladies, you may be shocked especially with the first item. All men readers are urged to disagree if they can; I seek to post the truth clearly. Before lessons learned in life teach him to be more circumspect, agreeable, and perhaps polished because he wants something from women, a typical man would say:

  1. Until I upgrade them in my interest, women play a subordinate role in my life: a) They can be fun to play with mentally and physically. b) They make marvelous distractions from everyday burdens. c) They are vital for my sex life. d) Having a good mate can make life more convenient, functional, and enjoyable and my ambitions more easily realized.
  2. My life is built on, around, over, under, and through self-respect.
  3. I respect myself but find I must reinforce it regularly by doing something until I am at least temporarily satisfied.
  4. I feel satisfied and respectable following the completion of something I set out to do. Less so when ordered to do it or it’s not my idea. And disrespected when told to do something I already know how to do.
  5. My self-respect becomes reinforced when I do everything right the first time. But I become frustrated with disturbing surprises, undue interruptions, and when things don’t proceed or turn out my way.
  6. I respect myself for doing something better as I see it—or doing something else as I want it—and enabling it all to lead to contentment. IOW, life’s rewards are in the satisfaction that comes from doing what I want to do and just how I want to do it.
  7. I work to accomplish things and feelings don’t count as things (except  self-respect).
  8. I am my own man. I don’t change to please others and especially not females.
  9. I don’t respect myself when I criticize others. I don’t like my tendency to criticize myself, and so I don’t inflict it on anyone else. Let them learn from their own mistakes the same way I do.
  10. I respect myself even when I seem to act impulsively. Much of what I accomplish well is prompted by need to act quickly.
  11. I respect myself for being a ‘figure-outer’. I believe in what I figure out much easier and more indelibly than what others convince me of. (So, why stop and ask for directions?)
  12. Having to explain myself is contrary to my self-respect.
  13. I support and uphold self-respect by living by and with my responsibilities and decisions surrounding them.
  14. Criticize me if you like. I can take it. Do it too much though and I’ll get even or leave.
  15. My erections are to be used. How I do it contributes significantly to self-respect. Hard thrusting and deep penetration amplify my sense of dominance and enhance my self-worth like nothing else. Orgasm isn’t the prime mover; it’s feedback of job well done.
  16. My sex drive comes in two very different versions. a) Conquer every sexually attractive woman I can, which significantly amplifies self-respect. b) Satisfy my sexual urges in the best way available at the moment of erection, which reinforces self-respect unless my conscience says otherwise.
  17. Purity is important but symbolic. I prefer a virgin bride in order to beat out all those other guys who tried and failed. As with other things I pursue, being first enhances self-respect.
  18. My conscience is guided by what’s best for my self-interest, which may or may not include the interest of someone else.
  19. I am easily self-encouraged to both play and be lazy, but I’m built for work. Self-satisfaction lies with work and I can’t always play or be lazy. I love to build, disassemble, grow, change, improve, and replace things to make life easier. Enabling and earning laziness that way provides immense satisfaction.
  20. I am responsible only for myself until I purposely step up to something or someone else, which takes a lot of selling for me to buy in. (Note the contradiction that women have to work out. He expects to be sold on providing/protecting but she expects to be sold on his merit as potential mate. He buys into the concept by selling her on the idea of buying into him. IOW, relationship experts have to convince men to sell themselves down the marital river.)
  21. I’m simple. I respect myself for being pretty easy to understand.
  22. I love to idle my mind, to shift into neutral. It’s nourishes me mentally.
  23. I’m not fearful. I can figure out how to prevent or overcome whatever comes up.
  24. I can recover from almost anything and know who to recruit for help if I need it.
  25. Complaining produces no beneficial results except to make me feel better about relieving myself of unwanted mental burdens.
  26. I see no reason for more than minimal foreplay. If I’m ready, she’s ready.
  27. I expect people to earn my respect before I trust them.
  28. I’m very particular about food, money, and women and don’t care to explain myself.
  29. I’m not particular about emotions except my own. I can handle mine and expect others to do the same.
  30. I’m a man of habit. I like what I like and expect to keep doing it and loving it.
  31. My weaknesses shame me, and illness tends to do the same.
  32. I’m a good lover whenever I choose to be but most women are not worth the extra effort.
  33. I don’t expect others to like me. If they do that’s fine. If they don’t that’s okay too.
  34. I’m a creature of habits that I create and have little or no wish to change.
  35. I will make a difference. Don’t know when or where, but I will.
  36. I’m capable of doing good in life but everyday conditions don’t make it worthwhile. Incentives are lacking to do anything but take care of myself as best I can.
  37. I’m a daily guy. I feel a sense of dignity if I have somewhere to go in the morning, some obligation to start my day. I can handle tomorrow when it gets here.
  38. I think the primary purpose of money is convenience, mostly for use now.
  39. I intuitively reject efforts to be or act female-like. It weakens my self-respect and makes me less respectable.
  40. Might makes right.
  41. I’m a taker. I appreciate whatever I may get but I don’t much respect those who give for nothing. I expect to earn what I get.
  42. As a hunter-conqueror I find hard-to-conquer targets far more appealing and valuable as reinforcement for my self-respect.
  43. The most intolerable offense against my self-respect is sexual infidelity of my mate. Revealing my sexual shortcomings to anyone is second. Lying is third and stealing fourth.
  44. A woman who diligently protects her sexual assets as her greatest asset earns respect. To do less is to respect her less.
  45. After conquering a woman, I ‘own’ our sexual agenda.
  46. I don’t like to admit it, but my greatest fear is insignificance.
  47. I only need one thing. A place to flop, eat, throw my things, and prepare to fight tomorrow’s dragons. I need my stuff to be left alone so I can find it when I need it.
  48. I crave the freedom to do my own life by living with my own decisions.
  49. My primary challenge in life is to beat all those other guys who aspire to do what I want to do.
  50. I am not easily offended. Even when I am, I get over it fairly easy. I like it best and things work better when normal is what is normal for me.

There must be more blessings that men inherit at birth, but they haven’t yet come to mind. Those above will soon be explained in greater detail similar to that of Female Blessings at Birth. The result will be posted permanently at blog top. I invite readers, especially men readers, to propose revisions or new blessings we males may inherit at birth.

In the meantime, I ask all readers for your opinion about the accuracy of those posted above. This is a review prior to permanent posting. It’s how men are born and not what they learn in life; you can see early traces in toddler boys. Agree or disagree? Suggestion: Use T or F for any numbered item. Better yet, use B for believable or U for unbelievable. Truth and clarity drive me to do this. Other comments are also welcome and desired if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for whatever opinions you choose to present.

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2128. Female Blessings at Birth — #98


I have identified another inborn blessing that women possess in their hearts but may not use enough to enhance their self-interest. As with the other 97, at the end I summarize the blessing as it appears to others and show the natural reaction of men.

  1. I am grateful, although I never recognized it before, I am hardwired at birth to not overeat. All I have to do is be a better, more diligent and feminine woman, and pay more attention to those around me than to myself. I am automatically that when I cook. [Guy adds: The nature of woman works this way at the dinner table where she’s cooked the food. Her mind goes to everything except the food on her plate. She partakes subconsciously. Little or no intention to devour or clean her plate, her taste buds largely ignored. Other interests concern or please her. Does husband like it? Will kids eat it? Enough leftovers for tomorrow? Should she have added more salt? Is meat too rare? Did kids have good day at school? Husband at work? What’s that twinge in her chest? Will x-rays today reveal something bad? Is mother as sick as she lets on? My mom’s car needs to be fixed, wonder if my husband will take it in? Hubby’s birthday is coming up; what should I get him? So is son’s; I don’t want to get him that thing he wants. What to do? (Eating out nullifies such discouragements for overeating. Also, if little girls are not taught to cook, they learn to eat as men eat—to please their taste buds instead of their conscience.) Her blessing: As she’s blessed to deal with ailments better than men, she’s also more capable at making food taste better. His admiration: I like and sometimes love her cooking.]
  2. (I know there are more blessings to come. I await suggestions and inspiration. Target remains set at 100.)

If you disagree with #98, please register it with a big, fat F for false.

 

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2114. Female Blessings at Birth — 97


Her Highness That Horse is Dead inspired this 97th blessing to be added to Female Blessings at Birth at blog top.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F as each registers within your heart of hearts.

I present it in first person, female.

  1. I’m grateful that I always know what I want and expect out of a man. Not so much particular behaviors but results that accumulate and brighten my future. [Guy adds: Consequently, women test endlessly to determine and ensure they are on track as each woman expects it with each man. Her Blessing: She knows what she wants and has the patience, instinct to rely on indirectness, and flexibility to accept less than ideal behaviors in order to fulfill her expectations of results. His Admiration: The better she knows how to get what she wants, the more respect she deserves.
  2. (I know there are more blessings to come. I await suggestions and inspiration. Target remains set at 100.)

If you disagree with #97, please register it with an big, fat F for false.

 

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2087. Female Blessings at Birth — 88-90 Plus


We near the end of the blessings that women carry but may not use. The new project seeds are bolded at the end of each item. I cite her blessings as men might see them and add a man’s natural response.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F on each.

88. I’m grateful for the ability but I wish I understood better my own nature for earning happiness. [Guy adds: Specifically, she lacks understanding of the link between her motivation to earn and sustain self-importance and the requirement for self-gratitude that unlocks the door to earning happiness. More of one inflates the other, and more of both enhances her personality and roles in life. She is as good a person as both of them are high and it happens this way. She is important to herself to the extent that she confirms her gratitude for others. Gratefulness for others bounces back to her that she is important to them. Her life revolves around this closed loop: Self-importance comes from finding gratitude in her heart for others, which makes her display gratefulness for them, which they transform into feedback of her importance to them, and which closes the loop with her having a greater sense of self-importance. Thus, she depends on self-importance and self-gratitude to calm jittery nerves, squelch undeserved guilt, and convert anxiety to encouragement in others, which paves the road to her happiness. While she needs stimulation from outside herself, she is self-contained for processing life to the fullest for her and hers, but it all comes from keeping self-importance and self-gratitude inflated. The closed loop also describes the essence of femininity in action. Her blessing: She learns how to earn her way to happiness by finding gratitude in people and things. His admiration: It takes a wonderful and influential person to find so much to be grateful for in the face of all that men have to face. How can she do it. She’s amazing.]

89. Just as I am sex object to males, they are romance objects to me. [Guy adds: Life becomes simpler just by acknowledging that fact. Her blessing: She knows what she’s after and doesn’t mind being targeted to get it. His admiration: She has wily ways of using the former to get the latter.

90. My sense of neatness makes me feel good about myself. I use it to enhance my prettiness. [Guy adds: Along with modesty and vanity, neatness is a major ‘weapon’ in the female ‘arsenal’ for battling men. Her blessing: Neatness adds to her attractiveness and mental strength. His admiration: Neatness symbolizes dedication to herself. It shows that she has self-respect, self-discipline, and determination not to be easily pawed upon.

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add.

 

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2086. Female Blessings at Birth — 85-87 Plus


The new project seeds continue at the end of each blessing. They are bolded. I cite her blessing as men might see it and add a man’s natural response. Your comments help.

Blessing approval continues. Agree with these?

85. I am grateful to be ‘wired’ this way. When I sit to eat a meal prepared by me or someone else, my mind becomes occupied by more important things than enjoying the food. So I don’t overeat. [Special credit to Marianne S. for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Her mind flashes to other things on her agenda, such as how to 1) brighten the next upcoming event or opportunity. 2) Stimulate conversation that affirms the eaters or whoever fixed the meal. 3) Find gratitude in having family or friends gathered together for a short while. 4) Find pleasure with herself for bringing two or more together. 5) Discourage daughters from eating too much. 6) Jump up to serve others. 7) Enjoy herself for having prepared the food. 8) Enjoy that the males of her family are satisfying themselves with her food, company, or both. 9) Confirm to herself that tomorrow’s schedule will come off better than today’s. 10) And ad infinitum. Consequently, with her mind preoccupied on other than directly pleasing her own taste buds, she eats slowly and lightly and appreciates that it’s normal, that she is made that way. Moreover, preparing food adds to her sense of importance. Eating eagerly and satisfyingly to please her taste buds—as men do naturally—adds to her proportions unnaturally. She inherits at birth the excellent insight and primal urge to enjoy things other than eating at meal time. Thus, the overweight that she sees on herself is a sign of past disregard of her feminine nature, particularly disregard by trying to copy men or compensate for frustration, boredom, or depression by heavy eating. She’s born to be naturally compatible, and changing her bridal shape to something else is unnatural and does not add to husband’s gratitude for their togetherness. Her blessing: She tends to avoid and not become overweight. His admiration: Her convictions guide her well, and I love her more for remaining the woman I married.]

86. I put myself at disadvantage if I approach men of interest first. Something inside disturbs my mind, even though men say they are flattered and other women encourage it. [Special credit to Screamstyle for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Men don’t expect it and don’t respect women that do it. It smacks that she’s desperate, because it brings her out of the cocoon of uniqueness that men like and expect to see. Female desperation discourages his initiative and prevents the development of manly respect. Men expect women to be independent and uniquely self-sufficient, which a man’s nature expects to last until he proactively turns her interests toward him. If she approaches him, she takes away his opportunity to earn her attention, which means he doesn’t much respect whatever attention she gives him. Her approach also takes away his opportunity to admire the effects he expects to produce. Provided, that is, if he’s interested in her for more than sex. Her blessing: She has patience and respect for men to do the right thing correctly. His admiration: She has self-respect, self-discipline, determination, and high expectations and probably high standards. I shall have to try harder.]

87. I am grateful that my instinct leads me to this. The natural organization of relationships calls for ‘us’ to come before him, him to come before me, and we come before others. (I wish that men would learn that part about “us to come before him”. My setting the example doesn’t seem the least bit contagious.) [Guy adds: Men don’t think ‘us comes before him or her, only women think that way. Either she comes before him or he comes before her. (I disregard the unusual in-between balance just to compare the norm.) She comes first means that he’s very devoted to her. He comes first means that he conquered her without investing himself very deeply in the process of respecting her and therefore wanting to please her endearingly. Men don’t love as women do, and women defeat themselves by expecting it. Think of man and man’s best friend. The more he cares for and pleases his dog with both treats and challenges, the more devoted he becomes to the dog. It’s much the same principle in courtship. His actions program his heart. The more he pleases and presents challenges to a woman in ways that satisfy him, the deeper his devotion grows, the more endearingly he seeks to share himself. If a woman seeks to assess a man’s love of her, let her evaluate his dedication to each of these: 1) His respect for her as person and woman (the foundation). 2) His devotion that pleases her according to his tastes and wishes (his investment). 3) His satisfaction with the way she fills her various roles in their life together (his dependence on her). 4) How her presence enlarges his self-confidence including in bed and public (his return on investment). 5) How her presence lifts his spirits and settles his attitudes (reward for good husbanding). Her blessing: She knows how relationships work, she’s the expert. His admiration: She’s wonderful because he doesn’t have to do it.]

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add.

This is an old subject expressed a new way. The superior sex is the irresistible force pitted against the immovable object, the dominant sex. Men can be moved by one irresistible force: Indirect leadership built around attractiveness and natural blessings that empower women from birth. Men lack such influential abilities.

 

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2084. Female Blessings at Birth — 79-81 Plus Intro of New Project


Yesterday, ladies, I was blessed with new insight surrounding the blessings you are born with. Men admire that which a woman possesses that draws and holds his interest, something he respects, her likeability. Each quality a man admires becomes a virtue to him. Her virtues accumulate until he sees her as fascinating, as a virtuous woman. Each husband has married a woman that in courtship he judged as virtuous to his satisfaction, which is what men work toward in all that they do: satisfaction. In that husband’s case, satisfaction that he judged her desirable to be his mate. Judged not on what she promised or told him, but what he saw and didn’t hear that could have discouraged him.

To me as a man, when I review the blessings in this list, I see nothing but virtues that women are born with. Each blessing has enough man-appreciated quality to be admired by some man, some place, some time.

When a woman exemplifies her blessings, men admire her as unique and fascinating. Examples: submissive spirit, vanity, modesty, neatness, gratefulness, prettiness, self-sufficiency, spreader of joy, easy to smile, protector of sexual assets, et al. To the extent she makes those qualities appealing/attractive to a man, she becomes virtuous. The more virtuous the more fascinating. The more fascinating, the more promise she holds as potential mate. The more potential, the more easily he proceeds to the altar. It’s a system that works best under this simple layout of nature: Men are men and women are women.

That introduces my next major project, which is to match up each blessing with the likely reaction/response of men. However, I need weeks to develop it. Relocating to another state later this month, it could be Christmas before I can post it. Perhaps I can plant seeds along the way to get your help in proofing it.

The first seeds appear below. At the end of each item, I cite her blessing and the responding admiration that normally would flow from men. It’s another attempt at tying her actions to what men see in her. Your comments are needed to help clarify it.

79. I’m grateful each morning when I face myself in the mirror. Terrible when I arrive, successful when I depart. [Guy adds: The benefits are more than worth the inconvenience of time spent bringing out the prettiness of your face. As your face goes, so goes your day. As your day goes, so goes your life. Her blessing: She has prettiness to work with. His admiration: She’s great to look at.]

80. I am blessed that I can see the good in people and turn it into uplifting words. Especially those who are close to me. [Extending special credit to Surfercajun for identifying that female blessing, Guy adds: Women are born to be good, and become good by doing good. Her blessing: She sees the good in life and pursues it to be good. His admiration: While so easily earning the respect and trust of others, she also picks me up when I’m down, makes me feel good about myself.]

81. I am blessed with a feminine nature strong enough to handle any improper reaction I may provoke in others. [Extending special credit to Pretty Woman for suggesting this inborn blessing, Guy adds: You can’t be responsible for others’ reactions. Her blessing: She has calm inner strength to deal with upset people. His admiration: Glad she’s on my side.]

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add. I am especially grateful for all reactions to my new project and how I’m trying to find a way to depict it in some clear form. Presently, I can’t get past the idea of a table or matrix reflecting blessing vs. admiration.

Women aren’t here to serve or please men. The superior sex is here to serve and please women in such ways that men find them fascinating, irresistible, and promising as monogamous mates. Women play their cards right when they live within the blessings they inherit at birth.

 

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