Tag Archives: gratitude for her

691. Attitude of Gratitude — Part 2

This post discloses sex differences that help or hinder the shaping of a mutual attitude of gratitude so essential for mutual happiness.

  •  A woman measures her value as a person by her importance to others in her world.
  •  A man measures his value as a person by his sense of both importance and significance in his world. He can live without symbols of importance (e.g., feedback from others) but not significance (e.g., personal dignity and honor paid to Self).
  • When someone makes her feel important—not just to herself but to others—she freely expresses her gratitude.
  • When someone makes him feel important, his reaction tends more to internalizing pride than expressing gratitude. When someone makes him feel more significant, his reaction tends more to gratitude than pride.  
  • Words from others can make women feel important, and so they need much input from others.  (Self-talk doesn’t work as well as with men, so women depend more on associating with others.)
  • Words make men feel important, whether self-talk or that of others. Importance is okay but temporary. Actions make men feel significant, whether his own accomplishments or actions by others in response to him. Significance is essential and permanent and insignificance his greatest fear.
  • (In the military, for example, medals, ribbons, and proficiency awards displayed on the uniform signify significance. Letters of commendation represent temporary importance. I offer this premise: Women value letters more than medals.)

As a couple, she wants to hear his gratitude expressed about her importance to him. He wants to see her grateful actions that reinforce his sense of significance. Not just to her but to the world outside, his world of competitive men. Who gets what first? That’s next, tomorrow.


Filed under How she wins