Tag Archives: hard to get

2818. Well-liked Article (#82 updated from January 2008)


Theme: HardToGet Pays Off

Modern women bypass playing hardtoget. It works to stimulate and hold attention of the opposite sex, but women so corrupted the art that men stole it.

Our foremothers’ strategy forced men to devote time and effort just getting to know them. A man had to work to figure out what made her tick. It posed challenges instead of giveaways. Conquest took the back seat in his mind, because hardtoget forced it there.

It enabled her to dominate the pre-dating and dating phases. Her lack of eagerness made him eager, when she played it right. In the process he uncovered her attributes of value to him.

Hardtoget means to use disinterest and indirectly dominate any situation with a male of interest. One should keep plans and schedules personal. Show none and even hide eagerness. Don’t explain, don’t complain, don’t reveal intentions, don’t alibi, don’t offer excuses or reasons for doing or not doing something. She states flatly when and what she will and won’t do. Never why, never eager for his presence, and never without his putting forth considerable effort.

The strategy works, because people do not appreciate what they are given for little or no reason. But what they earn, they appreciate. Especially true of men.

Hardtoget challenges a man to pursue a gal and to explore what she is really like. Or else, it provides evidence that he’s not all that interested in her. The earlier she knows that, the better off she is.

The hard truth: Men now exploit this superior tactic, call it ‘vague and unavailable’, and women fall prey to the ingenuity of their own gender.

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2776. Well-liked Article (#7 posted in 2007)


Testosterone hardens a male’s head and heart for survival early in life. A good woman can soften his hard-headedness after many years as a couple. Testosterone fades in old age and also softens his heart.

Feminist theory, propaganda, and pressures try to soften his head and heart before Nature allows, and so men rebel and women pay the price.

When men don’t highly value integrity in others, they likely lack it themselves. This makes vow-keeping much more difficult for such men.

Men have little natural interest in making things safer, until they foresee or face endangerment. They also have little interest in family compatibility, except as it first makes their job more significant as producer, provider, protector, problem-solver.

No one talks about friend with benefits (FWB) anymore, so it must now be well-practiced behavior. Think men don’t like that freebie?

For a man to respect a woman, marriage is the only legitimate reason for her to have had sex with another man. The new FWB practice puts participating young women out of bounds for winning a man’s enduring love. He’s cuckolded by her every male friend, whether she actually did it or not.

Modern women avoid femininity, provide pre-marital sex, act like guys, smother their man with devotion, and try to appear ordinary. Men marry them, but they don’t stay married. Men don’t marry guys or faux guys, but they stay with the woman they consider extraordinary female and like his bride.

A man stays with a woman when she fulfills the image and expectations he held before they married. If she changes, as most women do, her surprises register tolerably, undesirably, unpleasantly, irritatingly, or worse.

To a man, his woman’s constructive criticism is still nagging.

A man’s devotion dies, when he’s not appreciated in an upbeat fashion for who he is and what he does.

If shack up or marry up is not the man’s idea, then he will not long honor whatever relationship arrangement they enter. Theirs will be temporary, if she talks him into any kind of relationship.

Feminine mystique attracts men and holds their interest. An air of secrecy and generally being hard to get draws men into a woman’s aura of charm. It keeps her in charge and puts men on the defensive. It’s the opposite of her chasing him, and it forces each man to prove his worth to her.

When he perceives charming but strong resistance to his first priority, sexual conquest, it pushes him deeper into the role of seller, which proportionally reinforces her as the buyer.

Female modesty tames males. It’s a woman’s greatest counterbalance to male domination. Modesty keeps men at a distance as she declares it her territory, and it empowers a woman to avoid and prevent embarrassment. It keeps men on the defensive about female sensibilities, which weakens male domination.

The foundation of a man’s love is respect for a woman. Romantic love, mostly based on infatuation and lust, does not require a man’s respect. Plus, romantic love fades after a year or two. Enduring love, if it’s to replace the romantic kind and not also fade away, requires his respect that she earned early and continues to maintain.

Feminine adherence to moral standards helps earn masculine respect. Moral standards serve women and children predominantly but only when women promote and push morality such that it suppresses and effectively ‘outlaws’ extreme male domination and aggression and violence.

Female-designed customs and manners calm men. By women insisting on and upholding social and domestic standards, men learn they must please women to enjoy feminine endorsement and perhaps their company.

Hard-headed feminine gentleness beguiles males. It adds to both her mystique and influence. Far removed from a weakness, gentleness strengthens her self-respect, which many admire as a virtue, and which earns a man’s respect.

Respect to, gratefulness for, and dedication pledged to and kept with one man inspires masculine fidelity, but it doesn’t guarantee it. As hunter-conquerors, men can be tamed, civilized, domesticated and acclimated to monogamy when women lead by example. Of course it’s not fair, but men have little interest partnering with only one woman—unless women sell them on the idea and reward them for both husbanding and fathering.

Virginity is under valued by modern women. Women desire men that know how to satisfy them sexually. With her, experience counts. Men desire females that other men have not had. With him, it’s beating out all those other guys. So, it’s not virginity so much to men as it is her sexual inexperience by which he can measure his competitive prowess.

Men expect this first in a relationship: a cooperative and helpful rather than a competitive and offending spirit. Next, they expect respect and gratitude for who he is and what he does. The former invites him to partner, the latter holds him as mate.

Modest and celebratory apparel crowns pregnant women as heroes to men. T-shirt wearing, beer-belly pregnant women destroy their attractiveness. They send a loud message that they don’t give a damn whether others admire them as mother and him as father. In fact, they make their man look like a chump—his woman uglifies what he sees as wonderful prospect for the future.

She offers her honor. He honors her offer. Men thrive on her and off her.

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2739. Disclosure Drowns Her Mystique — I


In another media, a lady inquired on a subject that could stand refreshment.

“Btw, Sir Guy, there is some dating advice out there that says that in order to connect deeply with a man’s heart we need to show our vulnerable side…our feelings. Men live in their heads so to connect with their hearts they need a woman who is connected to hers. We are supposed to speak in ‘feeling messages’ like ‘that film made me feel really nostalgic” – etc. What is your take on this?” (Error in the bolded phrase is described in Section II.)

Section I

My take? Good women beware! It’s garbage for the long range future of a woman. First, it’s not likely to get much out of men. Second, men don’t appreciate unearned gifts, so she’s not helping herself.

Sharing one’s emotions is just a shortened version of full disclosure. More importantly, it’s a feminist technique to shorten the road to bed with a man who’s not pursuing or approaching conquest fast enough. She’s anxious to have sex with him; why is he so slow?

If a woman has any of the following hopes or wishes unloading and expecting him to match her level of emotional disclosure, it defeats her expectation.

  • She’s hard-to-get and intends to use it to screen men better for good enough qualifications.
  • She’s interested primarily in a long term relationship, hopefully married with enough kids to satisfy her later with grandchildren.
  • She has a hard time believing what men have to say about themselves, and so she wants to associate with one for a longer time before she commits much of herself.
  • She feels comfortable when other don’t know what and who she is or is all about. IOW, she has agendas that she wants to keep personal until she’s married or nearly so.
  • She expects to get her way later in life negotiating two-sided decisions in a compatible relationship.
  • She expects not to be dominated by a strong-willed man who refuses to respect her inputs for marital decisions.
  • She expects to compete with a man before marriage in order to make sure that she knows who he is and what to expect before she accepts his proposal.
  • She expects to reserve her cooperative spirit until they are married. She expects to get her way before that.

Men neither think nor act as women do in emotional matters. More importantly, when a man knows a woman’s emotional makeup, he can imagine her reactions to his initiatives. That is, he can get inside her heart and mind to please himself, know what red flags to avoid for the present, how more easily to cover his mistakes, hide his ultimate intentions, give her the words she likes to hear, and otherwise fulfill his various agendas that work to her disadvantage.

 

NOTE: Full disclosure was covered at post 383 as contrary to hard-to-get.

Section II tomorrow at 2740.

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2118. Compatibility Axioms #591-600


591. Unmarried sex causes couples to over-commit and under-connect. [212]

592. Her value continues upward increasingly to every man that chases her, until she yields. People instinctively value more highly what they can’t have than what they gain and then ‘own’. [212]

593. Everybody makes mistakes. Recovery is everything, and virtual virginity enables it for past sexual mistakes/experience. [212]

594. Avoiding life as an ex comes much easier to the woman that elevates and honors her sexual assets even above marriage. [212]

595. By her refusing to have unmarried sex, she forces a man to prove himself worthy of her and capable of fulfilling her expectations for home and family. If it doesn’t work that way, then he’s after sex and not her. [212]

596. Scoring with a hard-to-get woman elevates a man’s sense of significance, but it’s more ego than conviction, more temporary than permanent, more fun than bond. [212]

597. The woman that a man respects and honors adds to his convicted sense of significance, whether they are sex partners or not. That is, he’s more satisfied with himself by treating her more respectably/honorably.[212]

598. Refusing to have sex with an attractive man requires womanly strength of character to keep from turning him off. Hard-headed feminine gentleness helps and self-dedication wins. [212]

599. A woman’s biggest challenge is to keep from being eager or desperate to have a boyfriend, dates, hubby, or sex, or whatever else she thinks she has to have for the short term. [212]

600. Women seek affection and fear abandonment. Uncrossed legs before marriage is not mutually bonding, which short-circuits affection and increases likelihood of being dumped sooner or later.  [213]

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2029. Men Play Hardtoget aka Vague and Unavailable — I


Her Highness Eleni at 2026 asked for more info about men acting hardtoget. Cocoa suggested my response as a standalone post, so here it is before the subject cools.

The Battlefield. Let’s look first at the female side of life. To love is to give. To be loved is to earn it by giving. The hardtoget guy offers little or nothing of himself except apparent lack of interest wrapped in what he believes to be inimitable charm. So why should he be loved or, more importantly, shown any of the benefits that he might or could be loved? The more he seeks you to pay attention to him rather than the reverse, the more you should be harder to get. You defeat his game plan in order to earn his respect, which weakens his desire to dominate, which recognizes you as deserving of greater influence in whatever relationship develops.

The Motivations. Men act vague and unavailable because it 1) makes conquest less costly in time, effort, and money; 2) is less risky to the male ego; 3) strengthens male dominance in whatever relationship develops; 4) quadruples the pleasure of conquest by having outsmarted her. (His devious cast of mind comes from the lack of unconditional respect for the female gender caused by the feminist-induced lack of unconditional respect for the male gender.)

Women are intent on pleasing an attractive or interesting guy or having a boyfriend. So much so that they chase a guy and yield sex thinking that he will bond with her as prelude to permanent mating. Such female mistakes while reaching for female-friendly relationships enable conquest with little or no investment of the guy’s time, money, and effort.

Play by Play. Vague and unavailable is the female game—INDIRECTNESS—exploited by men to both facilitate conquest and dominate whatever relationship follows. They want and let women do all the relationship development work. They perceive an opportunity to win sex, booty, or escape by lazily outsmarting women. They risk virtually nothing as they drift uninvolved into her nest of dreams and his access to frequent and convenient sex. Such men induce whorish behavior in women with men establishing the fee so subtly that women don’t recognize how it inflates male dominance, deflates female influence, and nullifies female hopes and dreams of long-term relationships.

How do you gals handle the guy playing hardtoget? First, never abandon your own game plan, which should be that of the female standard—harder to get. Make each guy prove himself worthy of you. Second, you ignore him more dismissively than he can possibly ignore you. You take control with polite passiveness until it grates on his nerves that his approach is NOT GOING TO WORK. Regardless of what he does, which means a lot of nothing except gentle put downs of you (inflicting guilt), outdo him at the same game. While inflicting guilt on a man doesn’t profit a woman, in this case it helps keep him uncomfortable. (He won’t take the guilt as a game changer, but it does weaken his determination that you’re a pushover for his charm and all else he has but refuses to offer.)

Make nothing easy for him; he has to earn even your smiles. Harden the shell you normally keep yourself in. With actions and not words, he has to make himself worthy of you. Any help you give him works against you. You’re the teacher who has to convince him that he’s more disposable than important, weak than strong, unappealing than admirable, less dominant than he thinks.

It may take days, weeks, or months of contact or even dates. Ultimately, he will see that he wants you under your conditions more than he wants sex with you under his conditions. That’s the game breaker for you. If he never learns to see it your way, he was only after sex to begin with or he was unwilling to pay the price of your standards and expectations. IOW the game plays out like this. Men pursue with sex foremost on their minds. Targeted women change each man’s heart behind his back (that is, mind) by enabling him to discover qualities other than sexual assets that he can admire (aka virtues) about her as person, woman, and possible mate.

If he gives up chasing you, you’ve won. He was only after sex to begin with, and finding that out is the primary objective for women. They must have the patience to determine whether he’s truly after her more than just having sex with her? Her victory and his defeat hang on her patience and the reverse on her impatience. It’s all up to her; he’s just another player in her life until he foregoes sex in order to sincerely pursue her for his mate.

Recovery. He begins to rethink his vague and unavailable approach. He takes action to pursue you sincerely and with willingness to invest himself by giving of himself. Then and only then, you start paying more than the slightest attention to him. He will do so cautiously at first for fear of losing you before he even gets started. So don’t be anxious to help him escape his discomfort; give him the freedom to fail so that he will try something more appealing to you. Moreover, success when he overcomes your resistance means much more if he’s done it by himself and without the help he tried to con out of you.

We all keep doing what makes us comfortable. Only discomfort makes us change or even want to. That’s why you should call all his bluffs. For example, be prepared and if he threatens not to see you again, say goodbye before he finishes. Show that separation does not bother you. Keep him uncomfortable with your apparent disinterest or else he reverts to hardtoget for everything that he wants out of you.

Don’t become sympathetic or even empathetic to his situation. Let him dangle in miserable discomfort at not being able to capture your heart with his newfound and expected-to-be-easy effort. Let time and his greater effort to please you resolve his discomfort. (Modern women complain that younger men lack initiative and staying power when things get tough or don’t go the easy way. Men become what women expect of them, so less determined men don’t quit when the right woman guides them with natural female charm, the kind they inherit at birth. The female blessings page at blog top provides many details of the female nature.)

Until he abandons his hardtoget attitude, and unless he makes himself worthy of you to even carry on a decent conversation that leads to proposals to get together or for dates, you will never earn enough of his attention for it to grow into respect and ultimately love, devotion, and promise that you’d make him a good mate. And without doing that, you’ll never get him to subordinate having sex to having you.

I suggest you also study the article 1985, How Men Decide to Marry. It’s more what the woman doesn’t do that sets the hook.

 

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1978. Compatibility Axioms #401-410


401. First-time sex with each woman is a conquering event, after which he rates her as keeper, standby, or dumpee. [142]
402. For the hunter-conqueror, the greater his target’s perceived sexual virtue, the greater her immediate value and his inspiration to keep trying. [142]
403. Hard-to-get means other guys failed before him. So, it enhances the self-stroking of a man’s ego, energizes his need to earn self-admiration. [142]
404. He offers his strengths for her to appreciate. If she shows no weaknesses or need, his strengths fade in importance, and so does she. [142]
405. His respect for his woman softens a man’s heart, and her gratitude for him softens his hard-headedness. [142]
406. Proclaiming her love doesn’t work. He sees his value as mate wrapped within her respect and gratitude for him as husband and father, provider and protector, and those other things he deems critical to his current and significant missions in life. [142]
407. His woman’s grooming and appearance in public add to or detract from him. Other men look at her, but they also take the measure of him—or so he either thinks or desires. Women observers tend to judge her more harshly than him, as she is their competitor. [142]
408. Husband wants wife to look queenly yet unavailable, beautiful but unattainable. Something special enough to gain masculine admiration of him yet make men realize they can never have her. It’s a major input to his self-admiration and sense of significance. [142]
409. If a man has flaws before they marry, each will magnify afterward. The same applies to women but the turning point is his conquest. [142]
410. Husband wants wife to remain the woman she was before they married. But she insists on changing herself, because her life is now different. Or, she was a phony before marry up, and her true side emerges. Either way, it’s not good for longevity together. [142]

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1942. Compatibility Axioms #281-290


281. The only window of opportunity to change a man opens before and closes after his sexual conquest of her. What she screws is what she gets, until his natural hard-heartedness mellows and hard-headedness softens much later in life. [117]
282. Some women are not true to themselves. They act phony to capture a man. Men marry expecting wife NOT to change, but she does. If she’s phony before marriage, she turns into a woman he did not marry. [117]
283. Women marry and expect their husband to change, but he doesn’t. Change is unmanly, but a man relents when necessary to convince, court, and conquer a unique woman viewed as extraordinary and marriage candidate for him. [117]
284. A woman’s openness with a man does not serve her until after years of marriage and maybe not even then. Men as hunter-conquerors like tough targets, difficult game, hard-to-get prizes that first challenge and later provide frequent reminders of their manliness. The woman that makes it easy for him to understand her—or to take up residence with her—trains him against her best interests. [117]
285. They are different. A man takes his relationship for granted. She reads it as his taking her for granted. Both are just following their nature. As the relationship expert, she has the burden to compensate. [117]
286. The way a person dresses plays a major role in how they behave. Other people judge them accordingly. Therefore, our attire and grooming generate judgments about us, and people act on those judgments when they deal with us. Husbands are people too. [120]
287. Extra grooming and dressing up not only improves her appearance. It improves the picture she has of herself, lifts up self-worth, heightens self-gratitude, sponsors happier thoughts, breeds self-confidence, and intensifies her ability to deal successfully with her husband. (For further details see articles 806, 1146, 1440, 1441, and 1752.) [120]
288. If women don’t want to light up the world men live in, men are released to ‘uglify’ it in their own style. Dress codes notwithstanding, the way women dress and groom themselves shapes the appearance and much of the morale of both home and workplace. [120]
289. Her sexual history disclosed to a man earns or lowers his respect. In general, closeness to virginity earns respect. Promiscuity detracts. [121]
290. A man can hardly help but judge his woman harshly about her unmarried sexual history. It’s the male nature, although men feign disinterest or deny it so they can discover more. [122]

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