This post disagrees with popular opinion about the worthiness of men. So be it. In the vernacular, marriages fail because conventional wisdom sucks.
Husbands are born to rule their marriage, but wives are born to run it. If the wife doesn’t run it and the husband at least appear to rule it, marital success doesn’t follow. She runs their marriage by getting her way in every way practicable and not dissatisfying way to him.
A ruler isn’t supposed to work except on his personal matters. Everyone else keeps the king satisfied. That’s all he needs, satisfaction with himself. So, the less involved he is, the easier to keep him satisfied with himself and those around him. Satisfied people stay in place; it generates stability.
And that’s where this article comes in. When the obligated member of the superior sex exploits her advantages without dissatisfying the obligated member of the dominant sex, the superior member gets her way more and more and oftener and oftener.
A husband’s satisfaction is the greatest determinant and measure of marital success. Men can live with far less than women expect. He gets his way when he wants it, and his sense of self-satisfaction determines when he gets enough. Worse for her, the greatest evidence is that she perceives his taking her for granted.
Here’s a way to measure the present-day condition of a marriage to determine how likely it will lead to marital success, defined as not perfect, perhaps not good, but the couple is unlikely to separate. IOW, these are the essentials that motivates a man to stay with his woman. A satisfied man doesn’t look for more to do inside her domain, so she reaps the reward of getting more of her way.
The following is a model to show men and women motivated by their natures. It excludes lessons learned in life by both sexes and, therefore, does not predict how individuals react in life.
- Husband is satisfied with himself in his current life. His life is programmed around achieving and maintaining that condition.
- Therefore, he made a wise move to quit living by himself and take up living with her. IOW, he’s satisfied with his marriage.
- He’s satisfied with wife filling her various roles in life: mate, woman, lover, housekeeper, mother, friend, et al. His respect and devotion to her and her likeability and loyalty are good enough to keep her.
- He is satisfied living with her, although if he tried he might find faults or shortcomings. But what the heck, why look. It’s good enough as is.
It works bottom to top. She generates the conditions that produce 3 and 4 from which he concludes 1 and 2. At any step, continuing and disruptive dissatisfaction could lead to his departure.
It makes wife’s job so easy. She only has to keep him satisfied with who she is and what she does. How could it be more simple to keep her husband? She has every ability to detect when he’s dissatisfied or unsatisfied with something and to fix it or alleviate the pressure. She may always want to fix it a certain way, but she can’t plead ignorance or innocence. Her relationship expertise qualifies her as sufficient.
Wives are not accustomed or happy working at the level of satisfaction. Their nature differs. They expect to do better. When they feel satisfied, there’s something else to do. They look elsewhere. They want to do more. Modern women to their everlasting discredit, expect to make their husband as satisfied as wife, but she’s never satisfied. Always more to do, improvements to make, worries to assuage—and he won’t get off his…. (Unfortunately, grudging is the seed for more faults, complaints, and endless bickering to get him doing something she wants or expects).
She gets to use the quiet female version of out-competing him as both husband and man. She gets her way more often. The proper wife gets her way in areas about which he senses no responsibility or doesn’t care how she does it. For example, the domestic scene.
Hence, by satisfying herself by getting her way more and more often, she need only keep an eye on him that he’s satisfied. She can dominate the marriage, because she gets to do what she wants to do. She gets her way as long as he is satisfied with himself.
Q. It makes one wonder; how come so many marriages fail?
A. Wives just have to do, say, and expect things about which husband doesn’t care to be involved. Wives don’t aim to keep his sense of satisfaction intact with himself as their measuring stick. They expect more; an apparent satisfied husband is not doing enough.
These things particularly disturb a man’s self-satisfaction:
- She complains about things, which he translates to mean he’s not okay because he doesn’t fix those things. Is he guilty? To blame? She’s not okay so it must be his fault.
- She complains or suggests that he’s at fault. Not again! What now? Guilty? Blame? She’s probably disguising something other than what she’s talking about? Should he have seen it first? He was that way when they married, why now? What’s really bugging her?
- She alibis for herself by explaining herself. Why tell him? She can fix it or already has.
- She complains about others as if he can do something. It’s her tone and manner that irritates and disturbs his sense of satisfaction with her.
Modern marriage can’t exist without wife explaining and complaining to her man; it relieves self-induced pressure. But wives should teach themselves how it disturbs their man’s sense of satisfaction. She can quickly learn what is tolerable and what is not.
This is the farthest from how modern women think and operate. Her smiles tell her man that he’s okay, and lack of complaints means that she’s okay. To a husband, okay means the marriage is working okay; he’s satisfied. Her smiles mean that wife is at least happy with herself, which adds significantly to hubby feeling satisfied with self.
Finally, all wife has to do is to keep getting her way about matters that don’t DIRECTLY concern husband. Quit trying to get him involved in everything. She stays busy and runs the show while he finds satisfaction in HER efforts rather than HIS, which to him are not significant accomplishments.
Her reward is getting her way throughout her life, except in his domain that includes his job, car, hobby, and other things for which he feels DIRECTLY responsible. As ruler, he’s INDIRECTLY responsible for everything else, and he can turn it over for her to manage. The more satisfied with her and her management, the more he lets her get her way.
The modern wife’s mindset is programmed that she is responsible for the marriage, but she does much better when she isolates one part to be her responsibility, namely the domestic domain. Not his manly domain of job and other things for which he feels DIRECTLY responsible.