Tag Archives: heart

433. Response to Viewer — Item 1


Jessica prompted this post when she asked: “Other than gratitude…how does a woman show respect for a man?” Many posts address respect after marriage, so this is mostly for singles.

I had two short and one lengthy reaction. First, men don’t seek respect as women know it. They seek whatever confirms their self-respect. The difference is big.

Second, one doesn’t think about ‘showing respect’ for a man. One has it or not, and it shows in their attitude, which flows out of their heart.

My third response is more complex. Women can generate respect for men or a man in many ways. To do so, they should: 

♥ Respect men by doing what feminists condemn, so women might try the opposite of what feminists preach. (For example, see Dark Side of Feminism posts in CONTENTS page.)

♥ Exploit their natural female preference for indirectness and abandon whatever they may have picked up of the male preference for directness. Men prefer to figure things out compared to having them presented on a platter. However, indirectness requires patience and fails under ‘right now’ pressures.

♥ Recognize his dominance as dependable. It’s his nature, however much he reveals, and women can’t change it. By exploiting his dominance, a woman shows respect. If his dominance offends or appears unacceptable, then dump him.

♥ Identify domains in their relationship that the man claims as his responsibility. Don’t interfere there. Accept his leadership in those domains, and identify the domains left for her sterling leadership. Clarify responsibilities to eliminate confusion and conflict. (Women are the relationship expert and best qualified to accomplish this latter task. Honor his various roles, and it adds to his self-respect. He earned it.)

♥ Rely on him as important before marriage and vital afterward. He sees his role as producer, provider, protector, and problem solver. Her endorsements show respect. 

♥ Act independent and free of him before marriage. The harder a male works to capture a female, the more his self-respect grows with each step of progress.

♥ Act dependent on and beholden to him after marriage. Monogamous devotion and dependency on him shows respect. He no longer expects to have to earn it, because he earned the max before he married her. After marriage, her gratefulness for who he is and what he does is the indirect reflection of respect that he expects.   

♥ Compete with him before marriage but cooperate afterward. This role reversal is critical to catching and keeping a man. By her affirming and filling both roles, she broadcasts respect for him.

♥ Rely not on gratitude. It has limited effects, because men don’t need it like women do. Too eager expressions of gratefulness appear phony, and women try too hard and do this much of the time.

♥ Acknowledge this: She will know how to respect a man, after she learns how to keep one.

If she thinks about showing respect, she probably does wrong. She’s trying too hard. Showing respect reflects automatically from her attitude—that is, from her heart—and not from her mind.

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405. Sex in Three Acts: Act III – Intimacy


Dear Daughter: Pay attention: You’re about to read a couple things opposite of what you think you know.

The male nature specializes in Foreplay and Intercourse, the female nature in three acts. Too easily for her, he can take intermission (cig, beer, sleep, departure) and bypass Intimacy Afterward.

After romantic love fades, if not sooner, she learns to expect it from him. But it’s not what she wants, too much like withdrawal.

How does she improve him? I don’t know, but here are some more tips to consider, remember, or discard.

Alternatives are available. A cardinal principle: If it is to be, it is up to me. She can’t change him. She can only change herself such that he responds favorably, and it takes patience and a whole lot more.

·        To condition a man to see things her way requires reprogramming his heart to give and his mind not to object. Read that again.

·        Reprogramming his heart requires validation, support, patience, and indirectness repeated over time. Such inputs condition his heart to be more generous, to give more readily of himself.

·        He needs to hear what confirms his opinions of Self and that he correctly anticipates and meets her expectations.

·        Negatives work against her. I say again, negatives work against her.

·        Because she likes it, she expects love and affection to touch his heart as it impacts hers. Not so. Two problems: He too easily suspects her motives, because he thinks of himself as effective rather than loveable. Also, she can too easily come across as begging and lacking in self-respect. (However, she needs to show some love and affection, because it validates and reinforces her own feelings.)

Improving the way a man acts after sex works better when conditioning of his heart starts in the platonic stage of courtship. Virtual virginity provides intimate opportunities to convey her expectations, while his moods are focused on her and most receptive.

Smoothing the wrinkles of Act III are complex, critical, and up to her. Another reason marital longevity depends on her more than him.

Posts 403 and 404 are prologues to this post.

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344. Ties that bind, or not! — Their fears


Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do. Immature men make life tough, but the mature woman has the natural expertise to overcome.

 

She fears abandonment. She fears losing him above all else, whether killed, incapacitated, or a walk out. Abandonment strikes her ego as well as her heart.

 

She expects him to overextend himself, as necessary, to provide reassurances. The devoted husband sacrifices to avoid torturing his loveable wife with continual fears that weaken her appreciation for him.

 

He fears insignificance, and her eyes reflect it first. Her lack of respect and gratefulness makes his sense of significance decay. Wounding his spirit can be terminal.

 

Even slight decay can jumpstart motivational forces in him. He seeks to restore his sense of manliness—more independence, expensive toys, trophy woman, or just walk out. Mid-life crisis worsens whatever he chooses to do.

 

He doesn’t necessarily expect it, but ‘smart wife’ becomes head cheerleader for who he is and what he does. She also adds each child to the cheerleading squad.

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288. Chaste courtship works — Part 8


©  The more she likes herself as a female, the more outwardly dominant she can permit a man to be, because of high confidence about ultimately getting him to accept her way about her needs, wants, and desires in their life together.

©  Mr. Right does not arrive in her life. She turns the man in her life into the right man, and the process lasts as long as his devotion to her. To her mind, he never quite gets there. But, he also never finds out what she’s been doing—until it’s too late, and they are aging gracefully together.

©  Successful courtships belong to predominately hard-headed women who patiently and indirectly integrate mutual interests into a bright future together. Virtual virginity best holds his attention, while she works the scene.

©  Men grow their love for a woman from light-hearted feelings that he stumbles into—she’s attractive, fun, likeable, very respectable—and he slowly becomes magnetized by her other qualities. (Such as those at post 59.) 

©  Most women have two options: give of herself as a helpmate, or live life alone, lonesome, and often desperate. Young women claim it’s b…s…, but they’ve not aged yet either.

©  In courtship it pays for her to have high regard for and associate with many other people—not dating tho. He should not win her heart and mind completely until after they marry. The stick while courting, the carrot after marriage.

[More about making caste courtships work at posts 174, 163, 154, 143, 108, 107, and 100. Scroll down sequentially or search by the number with a dot and space following.]

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250. Female Fortitude—66 through 70


These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

66.            A woman easily kills her relationship when she exhibits female weaknesses that harden her heart against cooperation and soften her head in favor of competing with her man.

67.            She recycles to the dreaded ex side of life. Her lament: ♫Where oh when ♫is my next boyfriend? She sighs, cries, and sponges up the sympathy and encouragement of her girlfriends. But the next hook up restarts the cycle.   

68.            Women hook up only to ask, Why does he not call? Many possible reasons apply both after weeks of dating and one night stands.

69.            Feminism encourages women to value themselves individually, as men do. Femininity encourages women to value themselves as part of a couple, as Nature endows them.

70.            If her ex is going to be any different than he was in their first marriage, he needs to respect her more than before. Only that will make him favorably different, and virtual virginity earns such additional respect.

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

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236. Female malpractice — Part 7


♣ She assertively initiates unmarried sex—will she be led to church or left in the lurch? Odds favor the latter.

♣ New mothers that have no husband to love them indulge their children in hope mom will be more deeply appreciated. 

♣ She wears her heart on her sleeve, just to be sure he understands her—mystique or mistake? Probably the latter.

♣ She goes for one-night stands and bitches when he doesn’t call. Who’s at fault? The giver or the taker?

♣ Girls providing fellatio in public add dignity to the female gender. Right?

♣ Young women join adolescent men in raucously and raunchly applauding women stripping, pole dancing, using dildos. Debase your own gender and expect manly respect for anything but sex? Reflect badly on the gender? 

♣ She gets in his face loudly to win an argument. Is she attractive to keep around or just another guy to ignore?

♣ A woman kisses a frog into princehood. They marry. Then, she neuters him with words that wound his spirit for any kind of life with her. Then she can’t stand him, because he becomes more like what she calls him. Also, he can’t stand himself being with her.

[More about female malpractice appears in posts 221, 206, 189, 175, 164, and 150. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot and space following it.]

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159. Female dominance—Gone! Part 2


Whatever enters our mind helps program our subconscious. Our subconscious takes us toward what we think about most, whether or not we like it, want it, or it’s even good for us. Thus, our choice of music flows from and reinforces our outlook on life.

Classical music inspires structure in one’s life. It affects the head more than the heart. It’s bigger and easily seen as better and above us—inspirational. Those who love it tend to shape their lives around habits that become more clearly defined, more predictable, more dependable. They like the feel of self-progress created with precisely handled complexities as exemplified by classical music.

On the flip side, popular music stirs the heart mostly, and then the head follows. Modern pop music hardens the heart and one’s spirit and attitude about other people, especially males about females. It also softens the mind with self-centeredness, self-indulgence, and disrespect for others.

Hard and other rock forms deteriorated to rap and hip-hop to endorse masculine put down of ho’s, bitches,sluts, and other females only good for sex. Such music further hardens both the hard-headedness and hard-heartedness that come naturally to men. It also enlarges the high cost of unmarried sex that women provide.  

Unfortunately for all of us, modern women buy into contemporary pop music. It hardens their minds with male values and expectations for easier access and variations to sexual relations. It also hardens their natural soft-heartedness; they reject the natural side of both men and women.

On another flip side, once popular love ballads soften the heart with words of respect, encouragement, and sacrifice. The subconscious mind exposed to kinder, respectful, and more appreciative words projects an attitude that shows respect for others and unselfish devotion for one person.

Love ballads impinge on the heart with an appeal that females enjoy and appreciate. Yet, modern women don’t use such music to program their subconscious for success dealing with males and living with one man.

Why not? That’s coming soon.

[More about the fading of female dominance appears in posts 151. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following.]

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