- Both sexes have an ego. Marital harmony vaporizes, when hers ranks equally or higher in importance.
- Some daughters are raised to be man-tough. It strengthens their ego and weakens their ability to deal with men in relationships. Other daughters are raised to be female- or princess-tough. It subordinates their ego, strengthens unique female traits, and promotes their ability to indirectly dominate males.
- Demeaning a man’s ego weakens his sense of significance. Husbandly devotion wilts and wife’s worth and importance wither.
- If wife waters down her help, support, gratitude, and encouragement for who and what husband is and means to her, she may also want to find out when the local exes recovery group meets.
- In the natural course of things, men don’t take orders from women. It weakens a man’s sense of significance. Women are much more effective conveying their expectations some other way, more indirectly, more patiently.
- It’s her nest to build into a castle. But then, he expects comfort and convenience over her perfectionism, functionality over her style and fashion, and at least the appearance if not the actuality of him as boss.
- Masculine-style sexual freedom for women splits society into three parts: Men become more adroit at sexual hit and run. Women gain experience living life as ex-girlfriend, -lover, -live in, -wife. Children go fatherless.
Of course such things aren’t fair. Nature works that way, however, and advantage can be taken.
♦ College enrollment disengages the feminine mind. First, coed dorms. Next, coed bathrooms. Now coed dorm rooms are coming to compensate for the dating gap.
♦ As for boys, they don’t date a girl their frat brethren have used and tossed aside. If it happens in their fraternity, it also occurs in others. This tends to make all college girls suspect of far too much sexual activity for men to want to marry them, so why ask for a date?
♦ College girls rationalize or find excuses for outrageous behavior. No reason to feel guilty, they think, because everybody is doing sex and overdoing drugs and drink. But remorse sets in anyway, because she’s a female. More drinks/drugs will fix that, and this leads to further compliance with masculine protocols.
♦ Females assert their independence by initiating casual sex. This makes a girl’s involvement more direct, assertive, and ego satisfying. She usurps his initiative, which softens his post-conquest respect if not his interest for her. His mind frees up to imagine the next time. If this is so easy and she’s so eager, why not try something else? Maybe she doesn’t see the blue dress syndrome for the ultimate indignity that men do.
Men need self-respect more than love. Women need self-love more than respect. Both sexes continually act to confirm these basic needs.
It’s hard for men to accept disrespect shown to them. Her physical infidelity signals total disrespect. Her emotional infidelity attacks his ego, but it reflects much less disrespect than the physical.
Women don’t want a person’s love as we usually think, they want affection and appreciation that confirms their self-love. Therefore, it’s harder for them to accept emotional infidelity than physical unfaithfulness. The former attacks their core beliefs. The latter attacks only their ego.
Because of the way women love a man, he can’t win the mature woman by selling himself with words. It takes actions and results. Nevertheless, she expects to repeatedly hear affectionate words that reinforce her self-love.
See 417 about her immature love and 411 for the postmodern paradox about love and respect.
College girls now share dorms and bathrooms with college boys. This defines ‘coed’ as exploitive guys screening females that hide their embarrassment and yearn for privacy. Girls surrender their female modesty at no cost to guys.
Feminists schemed that females become more like men: Common dorms and bathrooms force women to abandon their modest nature. This forces women to live with embarrassment, which fakes them into duplicating masculine behavior.
Unintended consequence: ‘Forced’ to live with constant embarrassment and acting as men do devalues a woman to herself. Loss of her sense of control leads to depression.
Unintended consequence: Yielding so much privacy makes women spineless and mystery-less. She submits herself to feminist-imposed male standards, but then she can’t accept submission to husband. To all men she can submit, but to one man she can’t. Her ego gets twisted against her self-interest in coed dorms and toilets.
Unintended consequence: When a man’s curiosity about a female fades, his imagination goes elsewhere. Female immodesty creates a mystery-less dorm, which kills masculine curiosity except for more sex.
Why should men respect booty call? Yet, booty wonders: Why can’t I get a real date?
(For the latest twists on females duplicating males, explore Ariel Levy’s Female Chauvinist Pigs, Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture.)
♣ Some women satisfy their ego by getting in their man’s face to win disagreements or to right offenses. Regardless of who wins, unintended consequences accumulate and worsen over time:
· She wounds his spirit, because he’s built to compete with men, not women.
· He expects her to cooperate and negotiate and not argue disrespectfully.
· His ego expects him to easily assuage his woman’s disagreements and offenses—that is, he’s her lover boy, a smooth talker. When he doesn’t or can’t, he disappoints himself and expects that she disrespects him.
· His sense of significance wanes, that which he fears most with his woman.
· His loyalty to her declines. Who knows where it may lead?
☼♫ Other women enhance their ego, self-confidence, and self-esteem by encouraging their man through, around, and over whatever obstacles he encounters. Intended consequences follow:
· They prosper as cheerleader instead of critic and feel all the better for it.
· They exploit their soft-heartedness for him and reserve their hard-headedness for dealing with others.
· He translates her efforts as respect and appreciation for him, which adds value to his role in their relationship. It’s his crown for doing well.
Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do. Immature men make life tough, but the mature woman has the natural expertise to overcome.
She fears abandonment. She fears losing him above all else, whether killed, incapacitated, or a walk out. Abandonment strikes her ego as well as her heart.
She expects him to overextend himself, as necessary, to provide reassurances. The devoted husband sacrifices to avoid torturing his loveable wife with continual fears that weaken her appreciation for him.
He fears insignificance, and her eyes reflect it first. Her lack of respect and gratefulness makes his sense of significance decay. Wounding his spirit can be terminal.
Even slight decay can jumpstart motivational forces in him. He seeks to restore his sense of manliness—more independence, expensive toys, trophy woman, or just walk out. Mid-life crisis worsens whatever he chooses to do.
He doesn’t necessarily expect it, but ‘smart wife’ becomes head cheerleader for who he is and what he does. She also adds each child to the cheerleading squad.