Tag Archives: her mystery

2176. Dating in Mid-life — Part C9: Prepare Against Submission

Gotcha! Prepare against submission? Yes, and do it while dating. No legal, moral, marital, or biblical injunction makes you submit. In fact, both sexes have free will, both are made to be compatible as mates, and to submit means that one side loses. However, superior relationship wisdom enables women to generate win-win regularly if not every time. Your relationship expertise ranks with adaptability and survivability as cardinal traits that enable the irresistible force to move immovable objects.

Your man may not have been taught any better; he might try to enforce submission. You may have to teach him. Indirectly works smoothest and leadership by example works best. Your examples can be absorbed as logic, reason, and the compatible nature of mating. Men look for logic and reason and love the likeability afforded by compatibility.

Marital common sense to teach such things is embedded in the female nature. Not in you? Not to worry. I’m here to help. As you will soon see, submissiveness is the hub around which revolves most of the important family interactions.

When you marry and husband expects you to submit, you steal his thunder by revealing a submissive spirit that shows him how smartly he married. Submissive, it’s an adjective describing you as volunteering; you don’t do mandatory. Why volunteer? Are the following 16 reasons enough?

1) A family can’t stay together with two leaders, too bosses equally yoked to the same undivided responsibility. They eventually fight for dominance. 2) A man won’t conscientiously honor and fulfill his responsibility unless he appears to dominate control of it; it’s his nature and often more ego than logical. 3) You are more flexible, the relationship expert, and the only one capable of balancing and harmonizing all the challenges inherited with family life. Without you taking the home load off of husband, he’s not free enough to earn a good living. 4) Two bosses can be successful only when they agree to having separate responsibilities, and a separation of powers empowers and rewards them both. 5) Children can’t function much less develop successfully, if they have unequal standards and expectations to which they must respond. It causes confusion to reign, teaches rebellion, and kids learn to play one parent against the other. Everyone functions better with only one boss, and kids respond best to mom with backup from her husband. 6) You can’t manage the home without husband’s recognition and acceptance that it is your responsibility, which places you in the follower’s role wherein submissiveness pays off with greater success for both parties. 7) A successful organization needs both a chief executive officer and chief operating officer, CEO as ultimate authority and COO to administer CEO policies. 8) The ultimate authority is no better than the chief operator below who promotes the respect due him, protects his reputation, and preserves his dignity even when he doesn’t deserve it. 9) The next-to-ultimate authority does best when looked upon as supporter and facilitator of CEO’s expectations. 10) Men are satisfied and significant—happy in your words—when someone weaker proves to be stronger in surprising and dedicated ways. 11) Whereas husband can’t do it at least by his nature, you can bring the superiority of your gender into the home—especially adjust-ability and survivability—in ways that everyone benefits. 12) He’s not naturally willing; only you can find ways to balance his dominance against getting your way sufficiently to fulfill your hopes and dreams. 13) Converting from courtship to marriage, you’re capable and understand the wisdom of shifting from the competitive mode of protecting yourself to the cooperative mode of fulfilling your marriage. 14) He’s generally unwilling to do something about it, but you are well enabled to find ways to smooth the rough edges from his dominance. 15) With his constant focus on the present, and your focus more in the future, you’re better situated to adjust to his present-day needs than he to your future aspirations. 16) Submissiveness enables you to impose a rank structure that calms family leadership jitters. In rank order, this works well: husband, wife, mother, father, and children, which splits adult roles into four separate responsibilities for better, more efficient, and more easily acceptable decision making.

Accomplishing all those things fits naturally into your marital persona. He’ll see all the merit once he’s taught by you. Success starts with your submissiveness that so clearly matches up with your relationship expertise and the other blessings you inherit at birth. Then you can fit him into your nest. (You may find other benefits at Female Blessings at Birth at blog top.)

To prepare for dating, I suggest you study those 16 items above for the different roles that you and future husband will fill. Then, measure each man against your imagination of how you two will fill those roles. That is, imagine how his personality would fit yours in this situation, just for example. As his wife and ‘second in command’, you hold him up as more important than the kids. Yet, as their mother, you fight him in favor of the kids. Can and will he help fulfill your hopes and dreams and be Mr. Good Enough? Or…?

You might deny it, but I view it this way. Mystique mystifies you, vanity promotes you, modesty protects you, marriage insures you, and submissiveness elevates you to kingpin in the monogamy-sphere. Nothing else produces a more successful family. You see, when you know what you’re doing, you do everything right for everyone. It’s your superior conscience. That, darling, is what the submissive spirit enables you to do. To give it a fanciful name, I call it sterling wifeliness.


P.S. For background material, you may wish to review the 12-part submission series that runs with interruptions from 2043 to 2058. (Or, two dozen other articles with submissive/submission in title plus a chapter in my book.)




Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, Dear daughter, How she wins

2067. Vanity, Thy Purpose is Great — Q&A

With feminine skill at 2066, Her Highness Cinnamon took blogmaster to task. I regret the confusion; lack of clarity on my end. Her questions are quoted and my answers follow. Thanks, Cinnamon, for the ease of clarifying the matter. It’s a tribute to the quality of your questioning.

1. “Are you saying that she tries to be likeable by suppressing natural modesty and vanity and that this is dishonest?”

Not suppresses, just eases off disclosing it. Not dishonest, just mistaken. She focuses so intensely on being liked by both girlfriends and men, that she drops her guard. She’s willing to forgo her heart-felt interests in an effort to not offend or to stand up for herself. So, she adapts to accepting offenses to her sensibilities. (Which she doesn’t have unless she claims them as standard for her.)

And she adopts more comfortable and even sloppy appearance to save time and match others, and it prevents using her prettiness to her advantage. Men have no God-given prettiness to enhance, and so she acts more as men act, which costs her in distinctiveness and uniqueness. All done to fit in better on the likeability circuit her girlfriends follow and men find satisfying, because it makes sex more frequent and convenient.

2. “I thought men did better when women were more mysterious – when they DON’T know who they are dealing with – because it inspires them to find out for themselves.”

That’s true, but the process of learning to deal with her—for her own best interest—starts with her uncovering her standards. What she must have to keep her identity, her uniqueness from other gals, her indebtedness to herself, her separateness from his dominant persona.

3. “Or are you just saying that modesty and vanity are the only two things that she SHOULD be more direct about (while remaining indirect about everything else).”

Pretty much, yes. Modesty and vanity are self-protective and usable as standards unique to the female nature. Men see both as natural and therefore respect a woman’s claims. So, her claims are instinctive, less debatable, more persuasive, and thus more influential inside man-think.

OTOH, in the singles world where two conquerors compete, men feel less respect and restraint for challenging lessons learned in life. Such as religious imperatives, childhood teachings, and moral values. A woman doubtless has other standards and expectations, but they don’t have the authority and predominance that modesty and vanity provide instinctively and that carry over to help stabilize her marriage.

A new thought about how doors open in man-think. By respecting and honoring those two standards, he admires her feminine determination, which makes him see virtue, which energizes him to find ways to live within her standards, which adds to her fascination, which makes him more eager to please her, which tends to build devotion, which adds to the promise he sees in her for his future, which is the gate to the altar. It all started when she let him know that she had standards that he must honor.

It boils down to this. Modesty is a woman’s defensive armor to protect her female sensibilities. Vanity is her offensive technique to exploit her prettiness. Both are inborn and instinctive. Mature men respect both, which jumpstarts a man’s respect out of which his love can grow.

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785. Favored Quotes — Collection 7

  • “Approval seeking isn’t attractive behavior – men are doing us a favor by ignoring it. It kills our mystery.” (LB from 718)
  •  “[T]o be shown respect I must show respect.” (Keith at Author page)
  • “I dated and married him before I was a Christian, and had premarital sex with him, so I don’t believe he ever respected me. In fact, he never trusted me even though I was faithful to our marriage. Funny how that works.” (Princess Princess at 708)
  •  “I don’t know who wrote it, but I love this quote and believe it may also answer [Sunny’s] question: ‘A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.’” (Sharon at 719 and I use it elsewhere)
  • [N]o matter how hard things got financially I couldn’t leave my babies.…My husband’s job was to make the living and mine was (and is) to make life worth living and I didn’t wait for him to make the living to make a joyful, welcoming home for him and our children. (Jill F. at 746)
  • And when a woman is happy and contented rather than stressed and overworked, the family will be happier, in spite of the lack of luxuries… (Ladylike at 757)


Filed under Dear daughter

719. Feminine Mystique Explained

I dedicate this post to Her Highness AwaitingMrGoodEnough. She sought definition of feminine mystique and asked how to get and keep it.

She asked for specifics, but they vary female to female and beholder to beholder. Even a beholder can’t fully describe a female’s mystique, and he’s unsure of how she gets it.

Were FM explainable, it would be neither unique nor mystique. It’s an aura of high self-respect, a spirit that overpowers her flaws and makes men respect her right off. (The adolescent expression of FM we called conceit in my high school days.)

Mystery arises when she does female things that males can’t understand on the surface. If she doesn’t explain, the mystery remains, because FM depends on masculine imagination.

Few things strike a man’s imagination better than a female making herself prettier for no other reason than to make herself prettier, as if she’s somehow detached from and above the male world. She’s not detached, but he doesn’t perceive it. He wouldn’t do that, so why would she?

He also wonders: ‘Why would she go to such trouble apparently just to please herself? If she does that for herself, I wonder what she’d do for me?’ And her mystery deepens.

To improve on FM, the male nature should be kept in mind:

·        A man wants what he can’t have, especially first sex with her. Her refusalsas opposed to rejection of himgenerate respect for her and mystery as to why not. Her mystery deepens if she doesn’t defend her decisions, but relies on simple generalities such as “I’m saving myself” or “It’s wrong.” (Generalities don’t kill hope that she’ll yield later, but details can and they also remove mystery.)

·        What she doesn’t explain, he wants to know. The slower she releases whatever he seeks in personal information, the more attached he becomes trying to find out.

·        The more she keeps her inner thoughts and feelings from him, the more respect she earns for thwarting his efforts. Provided, that is, she does it inoffensively and with strong feminine charm.

·        She loses mystery when she explains what or how she’s motivated to live and associate with others. (Another reason full disclosure is overrated.)

·        As one lady claims: Femininity adds color to a man’s black and white world.

·        Men are notorious for taking a woman for granted. It means he knows all he needs to know, her mystery has faded.

Whether purposeful or accidental, her appearance, feminine modesty, feminine charm, and air of personal mystery contribute and work for her. Hiding her sexual attractiveness and potential compounds her mystery.

All of the foregoing should blend well with her personality and persona and trigger imagination in all men to have the biggest impact on one man. When most women exploit FM, men yield more easily to female values and male dominance becomes female-friendly.  


Filed under feminine, Uncategorized

560. Colors Bright, Attractive Sight

Following the sexual and cultural revolutions that began in the Sixties, slothful, sloppy, weird, and wild-colored clothing exploded and raced through successive generations. Each generation lost a little more interest in appearing well-dressed. Slowly, wild colors faded and dull and black became fashionable, men made careless dress popular, and girls followed suit. The drug culture accelerated and worsened everything.

The color black settled in as fashion leader and masculine standard. Girls followed men in mores, attire, and drugs. Now, not only is black fashionable, but so are slothfulness, sloppiness, dull t-shirts, fat-highlighting tightness, and hair so unattended that it appears dirty. Modern females forfeit these realities:

  • Bright-colored clothes with complimentary shaping and accessories sell feminine attractiveness. Such things express greater female uniqueness. They also broaden female competition by emphasizing each female’s attributes and disguising whatever she wishes to hide.
  • Appearing that way makes men mentally probe behind the frontage, explore her mystery, take measure of her as person rather than sex object.
  • But such dressing and grooming has even greater value: She feels better about herself. And, no better reason exists for brightening her appearance.
  • In the final analysis, women feel as good about their selves as they prettify their selves. Black informal doesn’t do it. Bright casual, colorful informal, and black formal do it.

When women dress to please and feel good about their selves instead of trying to impress men, they ‘own’ the battleground. Her array of attributes and attitude introduce natural but effective resistance to his conquering and dominating spirit.


Filed under feminine

525. She has‘Issues’ — Reasons

I dedicate this series of two articles to Princess Easybreezy who rang the door bell and Princess Shirshir who opened the door at post 518.

Women refuse casual sex, and men accuse them of frigidity, fearfulness, or sexual mistreatment. She must have some ‘issue’. Or else she’d never refuse the sexiness of whatever guy charms her at the moment. Let’s look at some reasons here and responses in next post.

Reasons: Casual sex being the man’s game, he’s prepared to convince her of the rightness of his cause. However, she often helps rather than discourages him.

·        To penetrate whatever mystery she holds, he provokes her for explanations that he may argue against further.

·        The female nature wants to dispose of accusations, pursue resolution, and settle all matters, especially with an attractive man. Men intuit and exploit this as weakness.

·        She says more than just No. She explains her stance against casual sex, or about waiting for marriage, instead of keeping it mysterious until later. Any explanation gives him ammo for his next verbal thrust, accusation, and description of her ‘unreasonableness’ in this mind game.

·        He may act mad, and maybe he is. It’s still his game plan, and he’s using the guilt delivery system to provoke, madden, and convince her that he’s more right than she.

·        The one that can’t stand to lose the other will lose. If he’s great, and she can’t stand the thought of losing him, he’ll read her silent messages of weakening resolution, and keep pressuring until she caves. It may take days or weeks, but her resolve will dissipate simply because she convinces herself that he’s the keeper for her.

·        If she treats him as expendable, he reads it as if he’s about to lose her. His ego regurgitates the unpleasantness. If she’s worth it to him, he’ll stay around for more of the game. If she’s not worth playing the game with, he’ll depart. Either way she wins.

Some response options follow in next post, 526.


Filed under feminine, Uncategorized

448. VIRTUE—Magnet for Males —SECTION II

We know that men judge women mainly by their outer appearance. So, women focus on the males’ habits.

Women give men no credit for reading the inner woman, and, admittedly, men don’t do it well. But, men perceive subliminal messages that feed their self-interest, however weak, wrong, or garbled the signals.

Conquering thoughts fill a man’s mind. Simultaneously, his subconscious registers many messages that women either send by design, ignorance, or chance. The messages accumulate and synthesize into his interpretation of her virtues, from which he intuitively predicts her value to his present, future, or both.

Virtue ‘credits’ accumulate from her attire, grooming, attitude, and behaviors that emphasize:

©     Modesty rather than sex.

©     Persona rather than a specific shape.

©     Self-sufficiency rather than need-for-attention.

©     Self-respect rather than easytoget.

©     Hardtoget rather than low self-esteem.

©     Respect for other women rather than trying to steal their man.

©     Self-confidence rather than worry.

©     Avoiding shame and guilt rather than recovering from it.

©     Enjoyable femaleness rather than sense of inferiority.

©     Inner strength rather than emotional weakness.

©     Open pleasantness rather than anger.

©     Prettiness rather than comfort.

©     Neatness rather than sloppiness.

©     Hits as compliment rather than taking offense.

©     Morality imposed over the immoral.

©     Authority rather than vulnerability.

©     Character rather than uncertainty.

©     Standards rather than wishy-washiness.

©     Mystery rather than disclosure.

©     Need for respect rather than popularity.

©     Unmarried sex as taboo rather than okay.

©     Female pride rather than faked masculinity.

The value that men place on these and other factors varies by individual. But the accumulation and synthesis of messages determines her virtuous character, her value to his present and future.

The next post describes learning about virtue.


Filed under sex differences, Uncategorized