Tag Archives: his drive

2858. Compatibility as Couple Begins at Birth


All that you read here is based on the very different characteristics that women and men receive at birth. God designs, Nature endows, and hormones motivate women and men very differently. By comparing differences, we can discover how they interface socially and domestically, successfully and unsuccessfully, compatibly and incompatibly.

The blog is all about that, but today I want to bore down to the very foundation upon which couples find success or not.

Feminists claim the only true gender differences are the reproductive systems. They claim everything else is socialized into both sexes. I disagree with significant fervor and evidence. Feminists disregard differences for political purposes.

I favor the legal, political, and economic advancements of women. I criticize the social and domestic side-effects of Feminism as the major cause of relationship uncertainty, instability, and misery. Feminist values have no promotional or holding power in a relationship, in fact, quite the opposite.

Her Primal Need. A woman instinctively needs a brighter future for her and her children. Unless very immature, she seeks security of life, dependable relationships, and family cohesiveness. She seeks family, economic, and social stability. She seeks safety of health, life, and family. To fulfill such overlapping and intermingled needs, she has two options: give of herself to a helpmate, or do it alone, perhaps desperate, and usually lonesome sooner or later. She is made to care for others, and the absence of finding someone can be sufficient to prevent her finding happiness.

His Primal Need. Men have one overwhelming need that makes everything else minor, regardless of how they seem to act even to the contrary. A man absolutely needs only a place to flop, eat, throw his things, hopefully do a little R&R, and prepare for his ’battles’ tomorrow. A hut will do, but if a woman provides such a place for him, he judges her nesting and castle building by how it supports his work, outside competitive interests, and NOT how she claims to love him.

Her Primal Drive. Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. Their instinctive drive bonds society together into family units. What men hear and learn inside the home shape their thinking for how to compete as they make the outside world more family friendly and thus civilized.

His Primal Drive. Men are driven to compete against Nature when it obstructs their progress, compete with other men, and shape and control human events.

Both sexes were put on earth to live as couples. However, both have to find compatibility, and women have the relationship expertise to promote it. The naturalness of it follows.

Her drive to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones matches well with his need for a place to flop and prepare for tomorrow’s battles. It’s a fair swap.

Her need for a brighter future matches easily with his drive to win his way outside the home. He can do for her what she can’t do for herself. It’s a fair swap. As the natural consequence of their relationship expertise, wives shape husbands’ thinking inside the home such that husbands learn to make the outside world more family friendly and civilized for both sexes.

The sexes are designed that way to find the compatibility needed to live successfully as couples.

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Natural Law: Other than for sex, a man only pays extra attention and ardent pursuit to a woman who respects herself so much she will not uncross her legs first time for him, until, that is, she gets all of her requirements met and him obligated deeply to her.

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702. Gender Differences Revisited — Group A


Reorganized, clarified, and reissued as #1747.

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534. The C-words revisited


Compete or Cooperate?

He has drive to compete buried deep within and male dominance to back it up. When sensitive discussions with her shift toward confrontation, he shifts into competitive mode and then resorts to his dominant nature to squelch argument. This happens easily because, except for conquest, men naturally avoid competing directly with a woman.

She has cooperation embedded in her need for brighter future. Unfortunately, taught by feminists to disrespect the male gender, she shifts sensitive discussion toward confrontation. This energizes his competitive spirit followed by dominance in order not to win so much as to squelch dissent or argument. Men just don’t wilt under competitive pressures, especially in front of someone they can otherwise dominate. She lost when she chose confrontation over cooperation.

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524. The ABCs with Marriage in Mind — II


The following concludes the sequence about compatible drives, needs, wants, fears, and time focus. (Drives and needs in article 521.)

Wants:

·        He wants to keep his freedom and independence, so he can be more effective and satisfied in society and workplace. Harmonious conditions at home, whether generated by himself alone or with a mate, provide encouragement.

·        She wants NOT to be alone all the time and seeks to avoid risk about it. So she wants a man devoted to her alone. He brings extra blessings of support, comfort, companionship, reassurance, encouragement, and help with whatever surprises, confuses, or ails her.     

Fears:

·        He fears insignificance. A mate adds to and he expects her to sustain and help expand his significance. When she ceases to do so, she becomes expendable.

·        She fears abandonment, which makes a fearful woman get hung up on commitment instead of awaiting devotion to develop. In the process of confirming mutual commitment, she undermines his sense of significance. (As he senses it, not as she does it.)

Time-focus:

·        The male and female natures are perfectly compatible for fashioning and prioritizing a couple’s life together. He specializes on short-range planning and dealing with immediate pressures. He’s quick to act, react, and prepare for tomorrow.

·        She specializes in sensing, identifying, classifying, and imagining pressures facing their future. When they compatibly share mutual strengths, he determines action called for today. She stays tuned to the future now modified by whatever action they took.

I know my answer. Considering their drive, need, wants, fears, and time focus, which sex has the greatest flexibility to build and sustain relationship compatibility? Who’s best able to apply the grease of tact and smoothly mesh the gears of life?

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521. The ABCs with Marriage in Mind — I


The following pressures result from the primal urges described in articles 511, 514, and 517:

Drive:

·        He’s basically a competitor, which energizes his spirit to conquer new females. It’s a different motivational force than his regular sex drive. Pride more than orgasm crowns the conqueror’s emotions. He undergoes a release. Mission accomplished! But, and it’s a big BUT for her: He inherits conqueror’s rights at least to sex if nothing else.

·        She’s basically a relationship builder and nester. Coitus tends to bond her, and it can seal her half of the deal to keep a man. However, the more meaningful she makes his conquest by delaying it, the more intense her bonding through holding, caressing, and petting, and the more time made available for his devotion to develop.

Need:

·        He needs a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prep for his challenges tomorrow. As with sex, he only needs a place to flop. He can feed himself but wishes for more efficiency, so he can better deal with what tomorrow holds. Sex conveniently consummated with mate refuels his energy fires. Harmonious sexual relations crown his hut as castle, crown his head as king, and provide reasons to guard his domain against outsiders.

·        She needs a brighter future and reason to have sex. She’s willing to cooperate, if prospects are favorable. Providing home and sex to a man promises brightness for her, but it takes more to keep him with her.

More follows about a couple’s wants, fears, and time focus in article 525.

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514. The ABCs when B stands for Men


As pointed out for women in a previous post, God also designed and Nature genetically and hormonally endows males. But males are not endowed for relationship compatibility as women are. Consequently, a male’s primal urges are seldom in harmony with the nature of one female, until she harmonizes their duet on the key of sex.

J Men are driven to compete against Nature when it obstructs their progress, associate so as to compete with other men, and shape and control human events. This includes, oftentimes top of mind, fulfilling a man’s competitive urge to conquer women. (His sexual urge does not require conquest, only a partner.)

J Men have one overwhelming need that makes everything else minor, regardless of how they seem to act even to the contrary. A man absolutely needs only a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare himself for tomorrow. A hut will do, but if a woman does it for him, he judges her castle building by how it supports his work.

J A man wants the freedom to do as he chooses and especially make himself stand out among others as unique, as a competitor, as a person of significance. He seeks the freedom to lay with her or play with her, to hunt or punt, rest or nest, read or lead, think or drink, farm or harm, glean or lean, produce or reproduce, or just do something new or exciting—especially in the spare time he earned from working at his job. (His pastimes may or may not include his woman, which is good reason why long courtships work better to weave herself as valuable into more than the domestic side of his life.)

J More than anything else, a man fears insignificance measured against other men, his job, the world, or his responsibilities. It’s especially fearful when concluded from what his woman says and does. The lack of freedom to do his work as he sees fit also breeds insignificance.

J A man focuses primarily on the present. His time focus emerges from his primal readiness to compete or do battle, and this mandates that he pay more attention to the immediate and its challenges. It also comes from his single-mindedness.

Not the act but the issues that surround coitus help determine the success of male-female relationships. Next article covers conflict.

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126. Incompatibility Stew


 

Primal urges mix the stew of compatibility. Both sexes have natural urges and women often don’t follow the recipe that God designed and Nature endows. They misplay vital ingredients.  

Men are driven to overcome Nature and other barriers, compete with men, and shape human events. They just need a place to flop, eat, and throw their things. They want the freedom to pursue their nature as hunter-conquerors and target high value prey. For example, men don’t mount rabbit heads in their den or pursue women they find unappealing.

The female nature has three primal urges that males easily take for granted. Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones. They need a brighter future for them and theirs. They want help when they need it in a world they cannot dominate. Women have to negotiate, trade off, and even ‘train’ a man to help pursue her interests. For example, they can rule the rooster, if they empower him to rule the roost.

Women for years have proclaimed that men are only after sex. For personal and political reasons, females rationalize that they deserve and can enjoy without penalty the perquisites of the male nature. These assumptions mislead women into doing all manner of wrong things dealing with men. The result is that women morph into more masculine characters and expect men to morph into more feminine characters..

When women don’t exploit their female nature, men respond unfavorably. When women don’t appreciate their femaleness to the fullest, men don’t either. When women act like guys, men treat them like guys. If men marry such women, they don’t stay married forever. It’s very feminine females that make men shift back into conquering manliness.

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