Tag Archives: his likeability

2753. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 05 Are You Compatible?


For the sake of clarity, I define complex matters in the simplest form. In the case of pursuing marital success—aka they never separate—the need for compatibility seems paramount. It brings to mind the lament of an old school wife: Glory be and golly gee! If its to be, it’s up to me.

Once joined in matrimony, compatibility means to go beyond love to sustain a couple’s mutual likeability, friendliness, and congeniality. Mutual love gets them started well, but it doesn’t last. Managing compatibility is easiest done by eliminating relationship toxins: by preventing the accumulation of irritants, accusations, criticism, blame, denying one’s responsibility, and other negative influences.

A couple’s compatibility requires management. Love isn’t enough for two reasons. Men love less reliably than women and even her romantic love fades in a year or two. After that, a more enduring love is essential to prevent separation. It puts the responsibility on the wife. A husband only knows how to ride along innocently; he automatically figures he is compatible or he would be somewhere else.*

Moreover, she has all the management ability. So, what does compatibility look like?

  • Sensory compatibility: It’s rooted in her immense ability to love deeply, she knows intuitively they are compatible. How can it be otherwise than right now? They are so in love. Consequently, the temporary nature of it goes unrecognized until it fades with romantic love in a year or two.
  • Mature compatibility: It’s rooted in a woman’s determination to ensure that she keeps her relationship together, and the wise wife begins immediately after the honeymoon. She can’t anticipate the frustrations and problems that lay ahead, but she can begin to strengthen their ability to live more closely and longer together.

Both sexes are born to be compatible with a mate, but its left up to couples. Wife, being the relationship manager, inherits the burden to see that husband doesn’t operate at the fringe of their compatibility. She holds him closer with tactics that satisfy him more than they satisfy her. Yes, her spirit of compatibility needs to be contagious. His sense of compatibility is weak until she patiently over time inspires them both to be more mutually likeable, friendly, and congenial. Make them closer together without demanding it of husband.

It’s not her love or their love that holds them together. Marital success requires more. Particularly that which arises out of the absence of irritants, turn offs, criticism, blame, anger at one another, deep arguments, fights, and other negative influences and accusations.

Sex likenesses do not breed success in a couple. Likenesses stir competition at which wives inevitably lose. Sex differences seal them together much better, because husbands can respect women who are different, unique, mysterious, and femininely attractive.

If she’s not fully understandable, he can mumble under his breath that she’s just a woman and move on without comment. It’s a husband’s favorite hobby; it relieves pressure to say the wrong thing, and he feels good about helping to keep peace with her.

More importantly in modern times, success requires the absence of wives acting like men. Many wives envy and expect to enjoy the perquisites and privileges that husbands think are their due. Wives can’t act like a husband and expect to keep the husband they have. It nurtures competition at which she inevitably loses to him. The virtuous woman that men seek to marry are highlighted by being uniquely different from men; wives do best when they remain that way.

In short, compatibility is marvelous when husband continues to pursue wife’s presence and close association within marriage. Likeable, friendly, and congenial, all of it underwritten by her love that signals her allegiance and loyalty to him. Her satisfactions come from his actions that signify her importance in both his life and her governance of their marital arrangement.

Women need or want a mate, men don’t need one but may want one. Energized by female love, women jump right in and work at it, but men drift along with whatever a woman offers in the way of mating that satisfies their man. Her compatibility management holds them together.

If she does it right, he accepts their life together as friendly and congenial habit, and he’s more easily satisfied to live with her for life.

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*Heads up, ladies. In premarital screening, be sure to uncover each man’s habit of tossing relationship toxins into your relationship. Red flags should fly if a man is easily inclined to fault or criticize you, deny his responsibility for some things, or otherwise inflict your premarital relationship with negative inputs. It takes very little of that to poison marital compatibility after he’s unrestrained by winning you in marriage.

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2042. Single Women Don’t Pay — III


Interest in this series continue to sparkle, and the dialogue is informative. My part is to close gaps. To marry modern values with how the mind works in response to the very different natures of men and women. Here are a few random thoughts that have sprung up along the way.

  • It’s very old school that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Men eat to satisfy their taste buds, to indulge themselves as reward for their satisfying endeavors. Women aren’t like that. Their nature actually discourages overeating. Unfortunately, it doesn’t promote under-eating except to share with others.
  • If a guy says or implies that you’re a gold-digger (or similar disrespectful claim), respond with this, “Then just wait until you ask for sex.” Throw back in his face any question or rejection of you—or women for that fact. To shape his thinking your way, you must have standards and be willing to pass them to him explicitly when he applies un-respectful pressure. Men respect women for standing up for themselves  unexpectedly.
  • Men want their woman to depend upon them. If a woman provides even gas money, she robs him of his virginity for being totally dependable to her. IOW, cracked ice melts faster. Whatever her dependence, delivering it becomes less satisfying to him because he sold himself earlier.
  • Men won’t be individualistic, masculine, dependable, and independent enough for their own satisfaction if they are helped in the most fundamental task in a man’s life, earning a living. If not totally satisfied as a man, he won’t find enough satisfaction either dating a cost-sharing woman or living with a dependent mate. If he feels less than fully dependable to care for a responsibility that he has accepted, it steers him to prostituting his character on other matters. For example: 1) He takes dates to places that he knows they won’t like or drags them along to associate with buddies. 2) Doesn’t cheating come to mind when you think of a married man not satisfied with what he has produced or possesses, not satisfied with his performance as a man upon whom others depend?
  • Neither sex knows the other well enough to date effectively. It starts with each seeking to get the other to think them more likeable. Both try too hard to please or not displease the other. Both are too eager to not fail. Dating works better when they are guided by their instinctive natures, which mandates simplicity. A man wants a woman to listen to him. A woman wants a man to be pleasant and say promising things. A woman can silently hang onto what a man says from which he infers his own intellectual genius and satisfies himself that she’s worth his investment. Satisfied with her is the key. OTOH, her mystery is the encourager for him to talk, which both determines his likeability and enables her to judge his character as potential Mr. Good Enough. It works equally well and perhaps better over burgers or picnic than over complex meeting, seating, and eating expensively—the latter with all of its distractions and etiquette pressures that take one’s thoughts away from finding likeability in the other.

This isn’t posted to terminate the dialogue, but I’m so encouraged that I just have to resurrect the subject of submission. Hopefully coming soon to a screen near you. Here’s a teaser: Christian pastors handle it wrong.

 

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