Tag Archives: his satisfaction

Blog 2624 — Love is Never Enough — IV


I love it when pretty girls conclude simple principles out of my statements. Her Highness Shari exhibits good skill when she does it at 2623. It’s worth this article; she triggers more of what women need to hear.

Shari interpreted me well in application. Her conclusions give birth to wishful thinking, and I’m pleased to expand on it. I thank her for the opportunity to respond to these questions with my answers: yes, no, maybe, but not enough.

“As a wife, are you saying if I focus my time on

  • remaining attractive physically and character wise that will keep my husband satisfied with being married to me?
  • being a homemaker by keeping the house organized and clean and making sure breakfast, lunch, and dinner are to husband’s liking then husband will be satisfied with being married to me?
  • being available for sex, being grateful for him as he is (no nagging him to change) and what he does in my life, and maintaining all of my responsibilities with a smile on my face then husband will be satisfied with being married to me?”

I’m sure neither Shari nor you are surprised. Life’s not nearly that simple. Shari’s factors are good starting points and some men consider them vital. However, the importance and expectation of each factor varies man to man. Plus, a gazillion other wifely traits, habits, and behaviors strengthen or weaken a husband’s satisfaction.

Too many feelings and facts exist and vary day to day. Satisfaction is much more emotional than cognitive. It’s a summation. A man subconsciously senses, consciously detects, and assesses the importance, acceptability, and likeability of her as woman, wife, lover, friend, mother, and other roles. Other considerations add or detract; should he do something? Now or later? Think about it more?

Moreover, he judges her as an evolving entity within his self-interest, the root of his future motivation. I use evolving because of mutual feedback about what she does, he expects, and she adjusts. To him, it’s a natural and automatic process by which he shapes his opinions. To her, it’s the process of what she does best that so glaringly outshines masculine ability to deal with women; she learns, adjusts, and generates a new reality to brighten her future.

His satisfaction with her comes from her overall likeability to be with, loyalty that he expects, respect that he senses, and dependence that he perceives. His satisfaction living with her comes from her ability to appreciate his presence—even more than him—as she conducts and harmonizes the factors and functions that govern their life together (except involvement in his job life only on his request).

Here are twists in a wife’s life. Perfectionism kills, trying too hard interferes, loving too much smothers. Additionally, blame and criticism give birth to dissatisfaction in both parties. However, a woman’s self-love helps her recover from his fault finding; she handles the humps and bumps better. Men have self-respect as their compensating internal strength. Self-respect is pretty inflexible, and so men hearing the fault ignore the faultfinder. Especially when coming from wives. He married expecting her love to exempt blame and criticism in the unlikely event he should ever deserve it. Consequently, her finding fault refers him back to his Day One mistake; it contradicts his wisdom in marrying her. Thereby dissatisfied with himself, both she and living with her appear less satisfying. Numerous such events eventually trigger him to action to restore satisfaction to his life, while she wonders what went wrong?

Women are born able to read their man sufficiently well that wife can figure out his levels of satisfaction and sniff out the approach of dissatisfaction. It’s a game best played loosely and smilingly. She profits most by paying more attention to their game of life than spreading her love. Especially worrying or overcompensating whether husband knows he is loved by her. He can tell he’s loved, when his life continues to satisfy himself that he married the right woman. She would not be doing so well, if he were not loved and vice versa.

If she keeps focus on how the negatives of his life impact him—including those that she may cause—and upgrades his disappointments, she is doing what works best to keep him.

And women say, but hell, why should I do all that? It gives me the burden to keep him happy. Not so! Men don’t do happy.

Three objectives apply for you to be successful: 1) You keep finding gratitude in those who impact your life together and doing what needs to be done to build a good life for you and yours. 2) You keep husband satisfied with you and living with you building the good life. 3) You satisfy your need to spread your love across and around 1) and 2) instead of making it your primary effort to be happy. Yes, your ability to love is more tool than personal mission to be happy. Actually, a woman’s happiness flows from the gratitude she finds in others and things.

Keeping him with you is the goal, and for which God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize you to read, understand, and eagerly learn how to keep your man loyal to you. It really pays off when kids arrive.

Also, if she loves her life with him better than she apparently loves him, she makes progress. IOW, her life with him is more important to her than he is, so long as he remains part of her life. Think on it awhile, ladies. I believe you’ll find it fits your nature after a few years of marriage.

Women are talented and especially skilled to wipe away whatever dissatisfaction shows up in their man. She has her love to give to keep herself satisfied. Satisfied with each other is all they need; their togetherness evolves to sustain success as a couple. The flames of love burn in background to keep their relationship lighted.

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2080. The Battle over House Work — Part III: How She Wins


This is a dynamite cocktail that should cause a big noise. Women find more and better ingredients for earning happiness when they do daily housework without involving their mate. I may never prove it to you but the following proves it to me (and I never thought it possible until first draft of this series.)

Recall from part I: She’s born to be happy; he’s born to be satisfied. She’s motivated to improve her self-importance and needs confirmation from others to spread her gratefulness and thus earn—not receive or find—happiness. He’s motivated to seek self-admiration and basically needs little confirmation to find satisfaction.

Recall from part II: When she thinks like a man and rewards herself for satisfaction, it pits her against him. They compete. She becomes jealous of his beating her because satisfaction is not the governor of the female heart and he so easily trumps her in that realm. When she pursues happiness instead of satisfaction as her daily goal, they become more compatible.

——

He’s simple and not much concerned with happiness. If he’s satisfied with himself, he’s relatively happy. His pursuits stop with satisfaction. Since a satisfied need no longer motivates, he reaches for something else at the end of an accomplishment or workday. His duty day ends long before bedtime.

Being more processor than producer by nature, her satisfaction comes from the little things she achieves. Example: Love never ends but kisses do. Shopping never ends but the last trip did. Nesting never ends but housekeeping ends at bedtime. Relationship management never ends except when sleep comes. Each little thing satisfies her—kisses, packages, dishes washed, she pleases someone.

She’s quite opposite and far more complex. Satisfaction is but a stepping stone rather than an achievement. However, it feeds gratefulness to herself for herself. Grateful that she’s capable and motivated to nest to her satisfaction and appreciation of hubby. Moreover, self-gratitude happens to be the entry toll for the highway to happiness.

Satisfaction from the dozens of little things each day make her grateful for herself. She can and did do those things, which adds to her sense of self-importance, which adds to her sense of self-gratitude, which enables her to be grateful for others and things, which places her on the endless highway to happiness.

What’s the nature of the relationship management beast that’s born when wife determines that husband should help with housekeeping?

  • She thinks in terms of equality, which is never achievable and she won’t like it when he makes nesting decisions that override hers.
  • She feels less important because he won’t agree or stir from his dominant convictions.
  • She takes on the role of competitor with assertiveness and eventually aggressiveness.
  • She blames him for her tiredness but he has no connection with that and doesn’t feel guilty.
  • She imposes guilt, which men reject or dispose of quickly from a competitor.
  • She becomes jealous of his inactivity, comfort, or diversions. Other things about him become wrong or intolerable. Tiny red flags creep into her psyche.
  • She envies his complacency about household things. Mistaking complacency for disinterest, anxiety mounts and she starts losing interest in keeping house and dedication to him.
  • She squelches her spirit of joy. It dissipates behind new expectations of not losing whatever arguments she has started.
  • She sets lose the beast of declining mutual respect, wherein she’s the biggest loser because his love is based on respect but hers is not.

So, what are the benefits when she takes full responsibility for housework and leaves him to his satisfying R&R? The benefits don’t accrue until she teaches herself to maximize her natural qualities designed to generate compatibility out of sex differences.

By not becoming jealous, envious, or anxious about hubby’s recovery habits, she enables herself to stay in tune with the positive side of her nature. Her worry can shift to future goals and not be entangled with his lounging, careless or carefree attitude. Her attitude can become more affirming of those around her. She can become more grateful for herself because of the peace and harmony she’s able to cultivate. Her spirit of joy can soar, which releases her to manage relationships from the highest possible position in life.

In short, she’s better able to put the full force of her nature into the nesting process—both relationship management and housekeeping. The former with feelings and the latter with labor. But the labor is not labor as commonly thought of. Repetition frees up her multitasking mind to address and solve issues, plan her immediate future, and simultaneously breathe a calming spirit into her home as things happen while she cleans.

She rules best who does the rest. It’s the pleasantness of mom’s nesting habits that kids carry into adulthood as her most endearing quality. The greatest love of mom—especially by men—arises out her strength of character and willingness to insist that everyone obey her rules within a never-in-doubt delivery of respect, trust, and affection. Contrary to what girls love to think, love does not cure all, and especially not cure men of habits misplaced in time and place.

By not taking offense at husband’s R&R habits, she enables herself to exemplify the goodness of woman. It frees her to more easily cultivate hubby to help when she needs it. For example:

  • She feels no guilt to ask him to help on tasks for which she has too little aptitude or strength. She can more easily detect tension and know how to convince him with gentleness and charm, which adds to her unique value within him.
  • She can pleasantly expect and patiently await his learning that certain things are his responsibility. When he accepts something as his duty, she has won from him also the sense that she’s worth it. Examples: 1) Men, not ladies, haul the trash. 2) Her duty is to clear and clean the floor. His duty is to deal with—other than back on the floor—whatever she picks up and places on his side of the bed or in his favorite chair but never spitefully. 3) If her commandment is a place for everything and everything in its place, and she lives by that code, then the family is easily taught that mom’s word is law and everyone falls in line. Husband included. It’s a technique right out of an imagined dominance handbook.
  • Free to dominate nesting routines, she can pleasantly expect that he live up to her standards. Examples: Make it habitual to lower both lid and seat when finished in the bathroom; light a candle before leaving a stinky bathroom; help clean up after she supports entertaining his associates.

I surprised myself with this article. I fell for the pop culture spirit that expands male dominance. It previously seemed fair to harangue hubby for dodging housework.

Now I object based on the strength, patience, and other qualities embedded in each female at birth. Girlhood hopes and dreams boil down to this as the predominant objective. A happy life with a loveable and loving husband, loveable and loving children, and sailing together into the sunset of their lives in total harmony.

Of course such dreams require a lot of work. Not strange to me, but women have every quality to make it work in a two-step process. First, they find and develop ways to be grateful for themselves each and every day. Second, they find and develop the habit to respect, trust, show affection, and show gratefulness to those around them. If others don’t deserve that out of her, she isn’t following her heart but her propagandized conscious mind.

 

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2078. The Battle over House Work — Part I: Who They Are


The different expectations and disputes over house work start with major, inborn, deep-rooted differences between men and women. I neither alibi nor justify on behalf of either sex. I explain how they are born differently and tend to behave accordingly.

First, the highest order of their differences. She’s born to be happy; he’s born to be satisfied. She’s motivated to improve her self-importance and needs the confirmation of others. Getting confirmation makes her happy. He’s motivated to seek self-admiration but doesn’t need confirmation. Earning self-admiration satisfies him.next

Second, let’s summarize who they are and nest post 2079 will describe how they interact as the result.

HIM. A man’s prime motivator to earn self-admiration doesn’t end when his workday is over. He seeks to accomplish other things, including some way to celebrate and reward himself for a day well done. He’s satisfied with himself, and it’s time for reward. IOW, he has a prescribed period each day for earning satisfaction, after which he’s ready for clicker, beer, and prospects of an enjoyable dinner. I don’t claim that men deserve it, but that their inborn nature drives them to doing it. Unless and until they are seduced, lured, or otherwise recruited by their woman to do something else. One reward for earning satisfaction is the privilege to decide for themselves what to do after work.

Basically, men accomplish things for themselves, but they marry when willing to use their ability to provide/protect others in exchange for the promise one woman holds for fostering and supporting his efforts outside the home. Deny his self-declared form of rewarding his accomplishments, and that same mate turns him toward self-centeredness with unexpected consequences that his dependents don’t appreciate.

Men are not motivated to seek happiness. If satisfied, they claim to be happy but that’s the extent of their concern with it.

HER. A woman’s primal need is for a brighter future and there’s never an end in sight. It can always be made brighter with more effort by her or others. She always has something else that needs to be done. Very unlike men. Also, her prime motivator to embellish her sense of self-importance doesn’t end daily because her home always requires maintenance materially, spiritually, emotionally, or domestically. Homework as opposed to housework. Men don’t do relationship maintenance, and so she inherits that burden too. She combines all her self-assigned responsibilities about what needs to be done before this day ends in order to shape tomorrow and the future. She follows her endless and constantly juggled priority list.

She needs a feeling of gratefulness for herself; it’s the first step to earning happiness. She finds gratitude in her ability and influence to nest and raise children in a peaceful atmosphere created by her. Leaning on that foundation of self-gratitude, she finds gratefulness in other people and things. Grateful for her mate, each child, friends, her home, his job, her job, cars, family’s good fortune, adequate bank balance, food available, health, wealth, church, friends, neighborhood, city, state, country. The list is endless if she but looks.

Her happiness rises as she finds gratitude outside herself. But she can find no more than she’s grateful for herself, which arises out of the way she continually brightens her future in the home. Dare I say it? —by homework as opposed to housework and partially after her mate has entered his daily R&R expecting to avoid ‘hard labor’.

In pursuit of happiness, women are not satisfied with being satisfied. There’s always more to come or do in the pursuit of happiness.

Next post 2079 revolves around what they do about his R&R.

 

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