Tag Archives: ingratitude

2257. From Whence Comes Respect

Sir Eric at 2250 triggered this article. He said, “Before there was No-Fault Divorce, the wife’s behavior would have been legal grounds for a divorce, and now their husbands praise the same behavior!”

I quote from Wikipedia, “The earliest precedent in no-fault divorce laws was originally enacted in Russia shortly after the Bolshevik Revolution. …The purpose of the Soviet no-fault divorce laws was ideological, intended to revolutionize [transform?] society at every level. … California was the first U.S. state to adopt what are now called “no-fault” divorces in the United States in 1969.”

I hope to show that the damage to family stability and need of no-fault is caused by lack of mutual respect, in slight decline before no-fault but precipitously so ever since.

Men are driven to compete against Nature when it obstructs progress, compete with other men to enable progress, and shape and control human events. To the male mind, women aren’t part of that competitive world, just supporters, witnesses, or interferers.

The male competitive nature prevents men from respecting other men until they earn it by accomplishments that symbolize their significance in the male world. Significance, for example, in personal associations, professions, workplaces, fathering, sports, home. IOW, by value-added indications of accomplishments and personal significance, men earn the respect of other men; they earn mutual masculine respect by doing.

Women also have to earn masculine respect. Not in terms of individual significance for doing things, however, but by making themselves of significant value to supporting a man’s ambitions. Some mixture of success as female achiever and ambition-aiding significance—in competition with other women—earns the respect of men.

It enables each man to find, evaluate, and mate with the most respectful after evaluating the most respectable in his own judgment. Yes, selecting a mate begins with his respect of her before love ever invades his heart. (Selecting her based on respect also helps husband this way; how well wife is respected by other men adds to both his self-respect and respect of men.)

Thus, a man’s respect of men revolves around accomplishments that kind of generate a pecking order that varies and guides men through each competitive event and day. A man’s respect of a woman depends on her ability to accomplish significant things of lasting interest to him.

A woman’s respect of a man emerges differently. She loves first and learns to respect later. His accomplishments are not the root of her respect. It accumulates from his success helping her confirm her sense of self-importance as person, woman, mother, friend, girlfriend, fiancé, bride, companion, and the other roles she fills in their life together.

Now watch this ladies and tell me if I’m wrong. She respects him as the result of her making him important in her life. To the extent he doesn’t fit well in her plans for shaping their relationship, she doesn’t respect him. IOW, for the most part, if their relationship sours, it’s his fault and he doesn’t deserve for her to respect him.

Therein lays one root of early divorce. He respects and loves her. His habits and faults hit her wrongly, don’t meet her expectations. She tries to change him and he resists. She becomes frustrated, which makes her feel incompetent, which makes her feel unimportant in his life, which stimulates her to not show respect for him, which he sees as reason to depart if she hasn’t already filed for a no-fault.

Consequently, mutual respect depends on wife finding and keeping respect for husband and not letting his behavior diminish her appreciation for their relationship.

Perception is reality in such cases; whatever appears to be, is. Immature women and those who lack patience judge their man too quickly as not respectable enough. They act accordingly, hubby detects it as ingratitude, her likeability begins to fade and his love to weaken. All of which kills mutual respect.

Women expect her and his love and men expect mutual loyalty and likeability to hold their relationship together. The common denominator, however, is respect. And unless it grows into mutual respect, the no-fault is not far behind.



Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, how she win, sex differences

2141. Compatibility Axioms #651-660

651. Devotion is observable. He courts her delicately and doesn’t push too hard for conquest, because he’s afraid of losing her. [222]

652. Commitment is infatuation, lust, love, or maybe half-empty words. The only proof lies in the absence of breaking up. [222]

653. Promises make a risky commitment, as females see it, but it’s often better than nothing. Women crave to be cherished but that only flows out of a man’s devotion. [222]

654. Inspiring and energizing her man without de-motivating him is difficult. But a woman’s natural relationship expertise provides enough talent and skill—if she also practices patience, indirectness, and cooperation instead of competition about decisions that are personally his. [227]

655. Only one way exists to find out if a man is really after a woman for herself. Withhold sex until he proves himself willing and worthy by honoring her ideals, standards, and expectations that he give up his freedom just for her. [227]

656. Long-term marriage boils down to this: She chose him. She’s the relationship expert. Experts critically qualify someone trying to sell them something. Later, they make necessary adjustments to live with what they ‘purchased’. [227]

657. Promises and words of commitment fade easily under daily pressures. Acts of commitment reinforce feelings, promote permanency, and grow into devotion capable of surviving daily pressures. [227]

658. Some women learn the hard way. They dress erotically to capture a man and follow up with sloppy dress and grooming. Eventually they find that it turns his head toward other neat and erotically attired females. Other women learn the easy way. They know and avoid sloppy appearance and inattentive personal grooming at home and in public. [228]

659. Feminist thinking in the home inspires women to favor ingratitude for their man’s imperfections rather than gratefulness for his manliness and strengths. Eventually, a man tires of it, his respect wanes, alienation sets in, and disruption or departure follows. [228]

660. Women expect to kiss a frog into prince hood. Men expect their woman to elevate them from prince to king. Modern women fail to provide this second ‘promotion’. [229]



Filed under Dear daughter

444. When women take up football

Vince Lombardi unintentionally weakened home life when his football leadership expanded the masculine spirit this way: “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.”

Unfortunately, women seek to be more like men, and so they copy Vince.

The female nature favors how one plays the game rather than winning for its own sake. Nevertheless, modern wives adopt the Lombardi spirit. They self-induce ingratitude and bitterness for their man, because they don’t get their way or win domestic squabbles. Daughters learn to copy mom, and the next generation amplifies ingratitude and bitterness.

This weakens a major cultural standard that favors women and children and compounds many social and domestic ills—even bitterness beyond divorce, which so injures offspring of all ages.

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Filed under How she loses, Uncategorized

442. Trust but verify

Advice for lovelorn females: Women get confused, desperate, and make poor choices. She should take time to trust a man but verify his actions. The learning process will unclog her mind and heart, especially if she starts to learn early in adolescence.

Unless she ignores it, as the unfortunate do, each woman’s love is built on a foundation of her self-love and hopes and dreams for a bright future with a man. She has three options to work toward: To be cherished, get his commitment, or generate his devotion. The former goes too far, the second disfavors her, and the latter option improves odds for marital success.

Cherished, the kind that princess daughters enjoy from their fathers, goes too far. Nevertheless, some women seek to duplicate father’s presence, or they missed the father-princess phase of life.

If she finds such a man, disappointment sets in. She can’t always get her way. He’s not as much like real or imagined father as she hoped, so she judges him continually on a father-standard. Her ingratitude and disrespect follow, because he never measures up to what he can’t read—her imagination.

Commitment is short term, present oriented, full of loopholes, and favors men over women. Couples stir their infatuation, lust, and romantic love with words that herald commitment to each other. It works well until domestic life intervenes and romantic love fades in a year or two.

More than words are needed to seal their future together. So, the wise woman searches for confirming actions that signal his devotion. A man’s feelings and intentions are expressed more in actions that mislead her than words that please her. Long courtships thus enable her to discriminate and evaluate his worth to her.

Devotion can be seen in actions that outshine a man’s words. He acts out rather than expresses his feelings, fulfills his promises, and spends what time he can with her for the sake of nothing else. He looks to her for confirmation, comfort, and companionship. He works harder outside the home to fulfill his manly role of provider and protector. His devotion shines from what he does for her, even though his affectionate words will be more scarce than she likes.

Summary. Being cherished as by father can’t be duplicated by a man worth keeping. Commitment too strongly favors a man over her. Practical living confirms devotion as essential to the females’ preferred domestic life.


Filed under courtship, Uncategorized

242. Newlywed Bonding #3 — Respect as glue

Women marry so buried in love that they ignore a more critical issue to fulfilling their hopes and dreams—the importance of respect to their man and for the male nature.

First, men marry for significance. A husband expects wife’s respect for who he is and gratitude for what he does. It symbolizes his significance.

Second, husband’s greatest fear is insignificance, symbolized by wife’s disrespect and ingratitude. If she doesn’t depend upon him for a lot, or if she’s too independent, his sense of significance fades.

Third, a man’s love is based on respect for a particular woman. His unconditional respect for the female gender helps immensely, if he has it.  

Fourth, he wants her to stay the woman he married. He expects her not to change, but many women do. She loses both respect and her identity as the exciting thing that turned him onto marriage. His marital dream fades.

Fifth, she expects to change him into the man of her dreams. When she tries to change him, he resists. She pushes, he resents. She tries too hard, he retaliates. Ultimately, she loses so much respect that his masculine nature trumps his love.

Wife’s greatest fear is abandonment. A husband doesn’t stay long with a wife that he doesn’t respect or that doesn’t respect and appreciate him.

[More about newlywed bonding appears in posts 230 and 224. Scroll down or search for the number followed by a dot and space.]

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Filed under How she wins, Uncategorized

228. Female Fortitude—46 through 50

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

46. Some women dress erotically to capture a man and follow up with sloppy dress and grooming that turns his head toward other neat and erotically attired females. Other women know that sloppy appearance and inattentive personal grooming at home and in public spawns other women as potential trophies in their man’s eyes.

47. Dark Side Truth #3—Feminist thinking in the home inspires women to favor ingratitude for their man’s imperfections rather than gratefulness for his manliness and strengths. Eventually, a man tires of it, his respect wanes, alienation sets in, and disruption or departure follows.

49. First impressions motivate a man. Modest boobery signals she’s relatively unavailable but may be worth a chase. The man that finds her sufficiently attractive preps himself to spend a lot of time and effort with her. He figures it’s needed just to penetrate her resistance that’s reflected by her apparent modesty. Her modesty energizes his perceptiveness and imagination to her advantage. It also pressures him to learn to honor her expectations for him.

50.  Old school. When women denied sex without marriage, men didn’t take rejection personally. They blamed her hang ups, moral,  religious, or whatever. New school. As modern females provide sex with little or no commitment, males take rejection personally. Some males can’t recover one much less repeated refusals. It can spin boy or man toward awful revenge—think stalkers, school massacres, date rapists, serial rapists.

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]


Filed under Fickle female, Uncategorized

217. Do women know jack about Jack? — Part 13

♂ Women try to be more like men, while men want women to be more female, feminine, and fancy.

♂ If he were as good as she expects, he would have chosen another woman.

♂ If his commitment—whether true or disingenuous—is enough for her to yield, his devotion will likely never grow to her satisfaction.

♂ If husband expects wife to dress seductively in public, he wants other men to admire him more than her. This reveals self-centeredness, and when aging makes her less youthful or attractive, she will be expendable—emotionally if not physically. 

♂ If she chases a man or men, then she appears desperate and disposable.

♂ If she is unhappy with him, he sees it like this: Her ingratitude appears unjustified, because he is a good man doing his best. If he thinks otherwise, he does not care about her unhappiness and probably looks elsewhere already.

♂ Over time men seek improvements on certain things until they are satisfied or otherwise compensated. These are the main drivers: Frequent and convenient sex; meals prepared for them; comfortable hut or better; disposable sex partners, or an attractive wife, that reflect credit on him to his male friends and competitors.

[More jack about Jack appears in posts 202, 185, 172, 162, 153, 142, 135, 132, 114, 97, 91, and 7. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]


Filed under sex differences, Uncategorized