Tag Archives: integrity

2159. Dating in Mid-life — Part B3: Elephant in the Room

Here’s politics in the raw. During your first date, two conquerors face off. He seeks sex without obligation, but expects to pay some price that you determine and he hopes to minimize. You seek a permanent relationship by doing whatever you think it will take.

I think of successful relationship development in four stages that develop progressively and remain dependent on each other. 1) His interest matches your likeability. 2) His loyalty matches your love. 3) His commitment matches mutual promises of sexual fidelity. 4) His devotion matches your plans for your future together. But an elephantine risk for you lurks in the background.

His primal and endless urge to conquer attractive women has spotlighted you as a target. Don’t disregard the importance of that urge hardwired in his psyche. Be prepared, know what’s forthcoming if you yield sexually.

This is the elephant: He will reveal a different persona if and when he conquers you. The elephantine risk is whether you will end up as keeper, booty, or dumpee.

Conquest releases his nature to hunt again, and you discover what you really mean to him. You tame that elephant if you successfully develop a mutually loyal relationship while dating. Then in courtship you expand promises of loyalty to commitment and on to mutual devotion, which effectively ties the elephant’s leg to a well-anchored peg in the ground.

Your importance to a potential conqueror does not guarantee that you will remain important to him after conquest. If he hasn’t pledged exclusive loyalty based on good character, committed faithfully based on words of integrity, or become devoted to you so obvious in his actions—all before you yield—then he feels no obligation to refrain from hunting elsewhere.

Devotion to one woman is the only thing that truly tames—not kills, just tames—a man’s hardwired hankering to conquer attractive women. Devotion develops out of his daily actions and reinforcing words designed to please himself by pleasing you. Growth toward devotion also energizes him to not disappoint you. He routinely if not often enough pleases you and finds opportunity to please himself for lifting your spirits whether you need it or not. He goes all out on your behalf when you hurt inside or outside. Furthermore, his actions and attentions are consistent and persistent and not dependent on his convenience.

When we see a man who falls in love at first sight, we see devotion formed instantaneously. It isn’t the love that females sense and claim. Masculine loyalty and faithfulness spring out with effects that match female love.

A lot of time is required to tame and then peg that elephant to the ground. Months and perhaps a year or more depending on you and your romance target. You have by far the greater challenge, which is why God gave you relationship expertise. You  hold him off sexually while making and keeping yourself attractive, likeable, and loyal to his satisfaction. Your wordy expressions of love don’t work nearly as well as those qualities; his primary sensor is eyes and not ears, his expectation is satisfaction and not happiness.

However, a natural process exists that you can use. No guarantees, but the odds favor you as successes accumulate inside the process described as He Walks Himself to the Altar (coming later).

I almost forgot. In the dating arena, the elephant shrinks in size with aging. Huge at age 30, by age 60 it should be dwarf-size, perhaps self-tied to the peg in the ground, and of little risk or threat. You ladies know how to adjust according to the age of your romance targets.

Risk takers win, and that’s for tomorrow at #2160.


Filed under courtship, Culture & Politics, feminine, How she wins

2109. Female Blessings at Birth — #94-95

I have identified two more inborn blessings that women possess in their hearts but may not use enough to enhance their self-interest. At the end of each I summarize the blessing as it appears to others and show the natural reaction of men.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F as each registers within your heart of hearts.

I write each blessing in first person, female.

94. I’m both amazed and grateful that I find it easy to be disingenuous or tell little white lies in order to protect the feelings of those I care for, which can include everyone that I appreciate as deserving of my approval. [Guy adds: Men value honesty and integrity higher in the order of principles because they fit better with what men value most—facts, logic, reason, and truth expressed directly. Women place higher value on principles that encourage people to relate well with each other—feelings, cooperation, and relationship success they can develop. Her blessing: She can get along with everybody. His admiration: How does she do that? She’s amazing!

95. I’m not really happy with myself except as I can make someone else happy. It’s my fulfillment in life but also my biggest and never ending challenge. When I can’t or when I don’t, I find that selfishness has risen in my heart. So, to ensure that my sense of self-importance remains high, I have to keep trying to make someone else happy rather than myself. [Guy adds: It’s a major virtue and makes women much better servant-leaders than men, more effective as the heart of a home than the head, and more effective as informal rather than as formal leader.] Her blessing: She’s loaded with common sense. His admiration: She’s great to be around whether as friend, spouse, competitor, or whatever.

96. (I know there are more blessings, so I await suggestions and inspiration. Target remains set at 100.)

I continue to work on this series. It’s bedrock for a happy female life. Long and intricate just as life is. I have also begun work on blessings that men inherit at birth. First installment should appear soon.



Filed under feminine

1241. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 38

  • Men appreciate female virtue and women appreciate masculine character as most promising for a good life together. Virginity ranks highest and near-virginity ranks next on the virtue scale. Personal responsibility ranks highest on the character scale.
  • Men are the bricks of society and women are the mortar. Bricks don’t weep, but mortar often does. Socially conditioning boys to cry weakens them as adult bricks. The mortar hardens automatically to compensate, and confusion follows when relationship strains and stresses arrive.
  • She does not love being a female, but she expects to keep one man around. Nature places heavy odds against it happening.
  • Managers tell people HOW to do their job. Leaders tell people WHAT to do. When leaders can’t distinguish between their two roles and act accordingly, they generate poor morale.
  • Women like men to open doors for them to enter first. A man’s good character shines brighter when he holds open doors and displays other courtesies for all females.
  • Don’t be so quick to want rules about flirting and other male-female interactions. Rules bypass individual natures and turn people toward phoniness. Not good for making relationships last.
  • Necessity is the mother of invention. Frustration is the father of both invention and all cuss words.


Filed under Dear daughter

911 — Coffee and Tea with Mrs. G. — #09

Ladies: Sir Guy’s schedule went awry, so I substitute today with these quips and tips for your tea and crumpets.

  • When men don’t try hard to please women, it’s because they’ve learned they don’t have to.
  • Fix up, groom up, and dress up better to feel good about aging.
  • By hiding, disguising, or shining each flaw, she leaves men in awe.
  • Families split, parents demean each other, and children hold criticisms against the messenger. Bad mouth your spouse and lose respect of your kids.
  • Checkout courtesy: If you long for special treatment in the checkout line, find ways to make cashiers feel better about themselves. Especially true with men checkers outer. Near-flirting charm, I call it. It’s much more fun, too, than standing with a fearful scowl screening for mistakes or cheating.
  • Women go along to get along, and after conquest have to get up and go along.
  • Girls boy-crazy think lazy.
  • Women instinctively want a man with character and integrity, but they screen and judge primarily for other attributes, words, and promises.
  • Women offer sex to find love that does not bond. Men offer love that does not bond to get sex.

More next week.


Filed under Dear daughter, Uncategorized

570. The Male Glance — Part I

Here’s some more jack about Jack. Females come in second for attracting his attention. Movement comes first. The following simplifies a common but complex scenario that men undergo and women suffer.

As hunter-conquerors, men automatically glance toward movement. Dangers alert him. Males disinterest him. Females interest and may attract him.

For a female passing nearby, in rapid-fire succession and before conscious thoughts ever stir, a man’s subconscious automatically assesses her as appropriate or inappropriate for him, an up or down check:

♂      Her general appearance and prominent features trigger interest or disinterest for sex. If she’s interesting, value is assigned attractiveness as sex target. She’s either worthy and he could possibly pursue, or both conditions are not met.

♂      If she’s worthy and he can pursue, his conscious mind engages to consider action. The subconscious glance is over. Ogling may follow.

♂      If he’s not interested or she’s not eligible for pursuit, her sexual allure is automatically ignored and targeting forgotten. (If not forgotten, his conscious mind has taken note.)

♂      His habits of thinking through such situations may tell him ‘No, forget it’. Strong convictions about morality, integrity, and respect for the female with him or obligations to another woman can stop the process with his glance. The object’s attractiveness is still appreciated, but the subconscious triggers disinterest, because it has been programmed to do so. (For example, devoted husbands, pastors, and conscientious gentlemen do it well.)

♂      Habit, disinterest, or lack of opportunity causes an instant ‘No’ to register, and the subconscious mind shifts to other matters.

♂      It all happens in a flash and directly from hardwiring of the brain. To this point, the conscious mind has been occupied elsewhere.

If ‘No’ has not registered subconsciously at the glance, the conscious mind shifts to the subject from whatever engaged it.

Ogling is habitual or conscious. If habitual, and thus programmed in subconscious mind, the females in his life never taught him better. If done consciously, he has little respect or weak interest for the gal he’s with.

Scanning another woman offends and lingering looks insult the woman he’s with. It’s nothing new. However, only females teach males not to do it. Mothers teach boys to respect females generally, girls dump boys that do it and word spreads, and women describe their disappointment to guys that scan or ogle.

More than a glance at another woman reveals conscious thought, which is why women are offended or insulted when their man does it. With only a glance caused by movement, however, men retain a natural innocence.


Filed under The mind

263. From feminine mystique to feminist mistakes—Part 4

The Cosby family and Ozzie and Harriett home exemplified on TV what our foremothers sought and achieved—albeit incompletely and imperfectly. These and similar shows are mocked today by feminists and political activists. Yet, real women before the 1960s were far happier and more successful than modern women when dealing with men.  

Womanhood split in the 1960s. Many women and young girls became radicalized and politicized by the sexual and cultural revolutions. They removed Womanhood from the driver’s seat of culture.

It cost women in many ways: They lost the unconditional respect of men for the female sex. They elevated unmarried sex and played to the manly game of irresponsibility for offspring. They devalued personal virtue and family integrity, and this led to family instability. They motivated men generally against marriage and spending a lifetime with the same woman.

Plus, one great unintended consequence: Women bashed men socially and attacked them legally and politically to tear down male dominance.

The effect: They restored male dominance to prominence. Men now put masculine interests for independence, toys, adventures, and trophies ahead of helping fulfill female hopes and dreams.

Men rather than women dominate cultural values today. It’s done primarily through the pop culture and compounds for the worse into each new generation.

Consequently, modern women and children lose more easily and dependably in this game we call life. Some women don’t know how, and others  won’t pay the price, to strengthen their family with a devoted husband and father.

[More on old school America appears in posts 238, 218, and 204 below. Scroll down or search by the number with dot and space following it.]

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Filed under Sociology 101, Uncategorized

72. Submissiveness—Section 2

A sexy man. Men perceive themselves with one primary persona in life—being a man. His sexiness helps, and if it’s not evident, he’ll prove it in bed.

Men don’t voluntarily abandon the hormonal urge of being a man. But they enlarge their persona when coached to do so by one woman. Since improvement requires a man to change, respect is her key to the operating room, submissiveness her surgical instrument.

A man expects to succeed as himself in all his relationship roles. He focuses primarily on provider-protector and needs a lot of feminine coaching to fully accept the friend, faithful mate, husband, father, affection-giver, and devoted-lover roles that his woman expects of him.

Whatever roles he fits himself into, he knows what he has to do in each. He claims certain domains and proceeds to fulfill his responsibility, overcome obstacles, and produce desirable goals to his satisfaction.

For example, his family needs more money, so he gets a second job. Wife expects more affection, so he washes her car. She expects help with spring cleaning, so he uses the leaf blower while she’s away. In all cases, he needs control over the appropriate domains of family life for him to be successful to himself.

If he’s not successful to himself, he’s not likely to be adequate for his woman. She may try to talk him into success, but his self-fulfilling prophecy can too easily prove otherwise. Eventually, they’ll fold as a couple.

It’s far more important that she help him succeed to himself than to her or the family—if he’s worth keeping. It’s the taproot of family integrity. People keep doing what they are successful at to themselves, as they see it, or as they want others to perceive it.

Post 73 is a sequel about the female side.


Filed under Home CEO, Uncategorized