Tag Archives: intuition

2175. Dating in Mid-life — Part C8: Her Past, A Simpler View


You can’t shape the dating atmosphere to your advantage without anticipating what is likely to come up. This post is aimed at reinforcing the more practical side of a subject and admittedly aims more at younger than more mature women.

Perhaps the toughest test of your worth to Mr. Good Enough, can and will he accept you without knowing the details of your past sex life? He has four interests: to determine his comparative value as a lover, to prevent his embarrassment as your lover, to determine the likelihood of you cheating, and what really intrigues him: Promiscuous? With his friends? With someone he knows? Mistress? Shack up? Cheap? Easy?

It’s his nature; he’s born that way. Men begrudge anyone who went before them, and the begrudging varies with who are the individuals. Husbands can be forgotten as legitimate earners of your favors (unless you bring it up)—but not the others and some measure of too many or too much reflects harshly against not just you but more importantly him.

CAUTION: The Manosphere loudly broadcasts that women are equally entitled to sexual freedom and their history is of no concern to advocates of Game philosophy. Don’t fall for it, darling. Their philosophic values are founded on the supreme superiority of men over women to the extent that respect for women is non-existent. Their philosophic flavoring floats on Feminism, tends toward homoeroticism, and leans on Islamic values. Overall, it contradicts anyone’s interest in sexual discretion and monogamy.

Here are a dozen pointers to help shape the dating scene to your advantage.

  1. Your known past generates suspicions that override acceptances and assurances. Your unknown past generates fewer suspicions to eat away at the mutual trust you hope to build.  [241]
  2. Men seek and others often advise full disclosure. When men actively pursue more about your past, they can’t ignore and not use the information to shape their thinking. Talked into full disclosure, women expect fairness and equality. The male nature does not originate fairness for sharing sexual assets, and equality is a female concept that men don’t normally consider in human relations. [241]
  3. People argue that trust cannot arise without full disclosure. Hah! Trust arises from convictions drawn from beliefs and speculation about a person. Trust does not arise when specific knowledge prevents such convictions. [241]
  4. Full disclosure comes out uneven, unequal, un-repairable, because the male nature values a woman’s chastity far more than the female nature finds interest in a man’s sexual history.  [241]
  5. The harder a man works to draw details out of your sexual past, the more likely he will use it against you sometime, someway. Perhaps latently, indirectly, or vengefully. It’s available to hold over your head and to rationalize or recover from his own mistakes. [241]
  6. Forgetting your sexual past with lack of knowledge is far easier than forgiving what Mr. GoodEnough learns from full disclosure. The more he knows, the more he thinks. The more he thinks, the more he looks for the bad or unacceptable. The more unacceptable, the less forgetting. The less forgetting, the less forgiving. [241]
  7. Feminine intuition trumps full-disclosure. While not easy, you are blessed with the skills and expertise to withhold who, what, when, where, why, and how of what he doesn’t already know. Withholding information is not dishonesty. Disclosure means candid, accuracy means honest. [302]
  8. His spirit and willingness to give more than he takes may indicate his ability to honor your decision and help qualify him as Mr. GoodEnough. However, if he’s more of a taker, he may not honor your other expectations either. Such as these after marriage: Have kids even though he agreed. Or your desire to stay home and home school, when he wants more income in the home. Or support you in caring for a sick parent. [327]
  9. Your undisclosed sexual past defends your relationship, because his ammo box lacks your historical bullets to fire back in domestic squabbles. [327]
  10. The forward-thinking woman convinces all her female friends to never leak anything about her past to her dating partner, boyfriend, husband, or any other man. But this may fail too, because friends betray friends. They steal dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands, don’t they? Consequently, the wisest woman keeps her sexual history as secret as possible even from friends and family. [327]
  11. Former relationships may be known to your man, but no mention should be made or comparative details disclosed. It’s toxic in any relationship for you to disclose the relative sexual worth of one man to another, regardless of who’s the better. [302]
  12. Don’t think you can outsmart him by claiming he’s your greatest lover ever. You opened the door to his inquiry about how and why he’s the greatest, so you’re trapped into telling what you’re best off not to disclose.

The more that Mr. GoodEnough knows, the more likely he will make you pay some price for your past. Couples do squabble. You may never know or understand what’s happening. Yet, he may strike back because of your earlier sexual events. It takes very little for reminders of your past to grow into humiliation for him. Your history affects his sense of significance, whether you know it or not and accept it or not. 

I know this subject has been perhaps overheated and difficult to accept. Too much of a good thing can still be boring. Tomorrow’s subject is also a tender one that needs to be reviewed for mid-life dating. It’s submission, even though we all know that subject doesn’t apply before marriage. Preparation is easier than recovery, which is the not just everything but quite often the only thing.

 

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2173. He Badgers You About Sexual History


Commenting at 2172 Her Highness Juju inspired another break in the mid-life dating series. This article responds to her, but I’ve made it relevant for all women.

That Horse is Dead responded to Juju with this sound reasoning:

“If a man ‘badgers you constantly’ to disclose your sexual history and you’ve made yourself clear that the topic is not up for discussion (no ring, no booty), I believe he disqualifies himself as Mr. Good Enough. Your actions speak to the fact that his accusations are unfounded especially when he can’t conquer you himself. He’s fishing for your weaknesses, so allow him to go fish somewhere else, preferably back into the parade of men you will never regret.”

To which I add a way out for Juju and all women badgered for any reason to go against their will. There comes a time when every man needs to be put in his place in the world of females.

Juju, you should make a decision. Are you tough enough to get your way and end his inquisition forever? If yes, then study and figure out how to make the following proposal fit your personality and character. Then do it with courage and determination knowing that you’re in the right. (Don’t consult with girlfriends first; prepare and do it all by yourself.)

In private, sit him down, stand over him, point your finger in his face, and proclaim with a stern face, emphatic words, but not angry voice. Both countenance and sounds he’s never heard from you, “It – is – none – of – your – business. My sexual history is exclusively my business.” (He should wonder why he deserves what he’s receiving. He feels relatively innocent but now knows better.)

Don’t complain, don’t explain further. Don’t let him initiate a dialogue. End the convo and do something else immediately. Let him stew on his own what he just saw and heard. (What he sees registers more impressively than what he hears.)

Now I know you intuitively object to doing such a thing. It strikes you as not feminine and perhaps outrageous. Perhaps so, but let me describe some of the LASTING benefits that flow out of the instinctive* side of human nature.

  1. He will be shocked and become more in awe of you and your internal strength. It earns respect.
  2. Should you marry, the influence of that moment will last forever. It earns respect. (A woman should restrict herself to about a half-dozen of such dramatic and purposely designed encounters in a lifetime marriage. More is to lose the beneficial effects.)
  3. Your emphatic verbalization will surprise him and turn him against earning or deserving it again. It earns respect.
  4. You will shape your relationship such that he either departs or stays welded for life to his fear of your anger which you just presented without anger. It earns respect and will keep him wary of his behaviors that may cause your anger.
  5. He will remember the look on your face, and every time he sees it in the future, you will have his undivided attention. (Unless you overuse it.)
  6. If your relationship breaks up, other guys will hear not about your sexual status as much as about your willingness to shake up their composure if they say wrong things, and not just about your history. Only guys who want you badly enough will man up, so half of your screening job is done. (Oh, you may miss out on a few dates, but those you do have should be with better quality—or at least more courageous—guys.)
  7. You set the stage for successfully negotiating to your favor just what submission means if you marry him.
  8. Out of those multiple infusions of respect, enduring love can grow. It’s the kind needed to sustain a couple after romantic love fades in a year or two.
  9. Men seek to marry a strong woman. You just made your foundation obvious and the word will spread. More importantly, you just made yourself a more courageous and probably a better woman.
  10. You make a significant investment in turning your relationship into one for the long term.

You accomplished all that by conquering your cautious intuition and mustering your hard-headed courage to put an end to badgering, which you neither deserve nor want to tolerate. Such a strong stand helps prepare you for other strong stands you will need as you pass through this ‘veil of tears’ (in Appalachian lingo).

You will learn from his reactions if he’s Mr. GoodEnough or not, which makes the final result the consequence of your actions.

——

* Instinctive as inherited at birth. Intuitive as from lessons learned in life.

 

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2034. Female Blessings at Birth — 49-51


This is the 17th group of three blessings that accompany women from birth and through the trials and tribulations of life. I’m grateful for your confirmations and the few doubts too; no disagreements thus far down the list.

I correct a mistake today. I previously have written that women can forgive AND forget and am researching over a million words to find and correct it.* In the meantime, not to worry. Number 49 below is correct and complete enough to describe the blessing that women inherit at birth.

49. I can forgive someone but I can’t forget it—only God is that good. [Guy adds: Women are born better than men at politics, defined as the art of the possible. Men are born better at the use of power, defined as getting things done a certain way. Forgiveness without forgetting helps women to manage relationships. Forgiveness plus forgetting helps men to produce more. Forgiven people produce more diligently when they believe their mistakes and offenses have been forgotten, that recovery is everything in the eyes of those who can forgive. In the political arena, however, men forgo their nature; they forgive but don’t forget. It’s a habit made necessary by their need to influence others politically, aka producing what is possible as relationship managers outside the marital arena.]

50. I appreciate myself when I use my instinct and intuition to be kind and tender hearted. [Guy adds: Women are born to be good. Their kind and tender heartedness enables them to do good and thereby become good. Men are born capable of doing good but lack the natural incentive until females teach them to be good and hold them to higher standards of goodness than come naturally to men.)

51. I am able to comfort those less endowed or fortunate than I. [Guy adds: Men are much less capable than women of comforting others. Women know instinctively what to do without fear of it being wrong; men lack such instinct and their intuition says they may very well screw up, which to men is worse than doing nothing. In the arena of comforting others, a woman’s risk-taking far outshines a man’s.]

Thank you for your confirmation, doubt, or disagreement. More blessings from the list will follow in a day or two.

*If you accidentally come across in blog articles or comments where I claim that women can forgive AND forget, please let me know. I think it appears more than one place too. You’ll save me an immense amount of research.

 

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1990. Self-gratitude — She Has to Earn Happiness


She earns happiness. Men don’t provide it; they just play the role she writes into her screen play.

Women seem to miss an important lesson as they mature from girlhood hopes and dreams into the real world. Happiness doesn’t come from her man. Girls imagine it within themselves. Women produce it within themselves. Men and other excuses should be removed from the blame list. Fulfillment of hopes and dreams depends on each woman.

More and more, women guide their lives by pop culture and manly expectations instead of instinct, intuition, and faith in their nature. They allow the dominant sex to disrespect the superior sex. Consequently, like toothpaste, women allow themselves to be squeezed out of the happiness tube into which they are born.

The obstructions to womanly happiness can be seen in this closed loop. She 1) ignores or distrusts her female nature and accepts living within the social and domestic expectations of the male-dominated pop culture. Lack of dependence on her female nature causes 2) loss of self-respect, which causes 3) loss of self-gratitude, which causes 4) loss of being grateful for others, which causes 5) loss of importance to others, which causes 6) loss of self-importance as person-female-woman-parent-adult-child-wife-mother-friend and all the other roles she fills momentarily and often simultaneously. Ultimately, by starting out with lack of belief, dependence, and even distrust of her female nature, she continually drives her life toward unhappiness.

By not focusing and finding gratitude for who she is and what she does, she morphs herself into the dreary multiplex of depression, divorce, abandonment, isolation, disappointment, singleness, despair, loneliness, and hopelessness. Fruitlessly, she seeks to find her way back into the tube.

However, recovery is everything. An entry point exists to reverse the loop and restore her potential. She starts by finding gratitude for who she is and what she does. It energizes her with self-confidence to drive the loop in reverse. a) Self-gratitude generates b) self-respect, which c) reinstates trust in the female nature within her heart, which d) restores her sense of self-importance in her multiple roles of life, which e) enables gratefulness for others, and which f) makes her more and more important to others and herself. Ultimately, by finding more and more self-gratitude, she morphs her life into being happy. Her happiness empowers her with greater ability to help her man find satisfaction in his life, out of which girlhood hopes and dreams are fulfilled.

Each woman’s happiness starts inside her. It just doesn’t work when she depends on someone else. If you disagree, ask any woman over sixty years of age. In the meantime, consider this. She earns happiness this way. She ignores the tube from which she was squeezed. She programs herself to trust her instinct, intuition, and feminine sensibilities. She uses new guidance for interacting with men. For example, acceptance of disrespect and filth is foreign to her soul. Dependence on her instinct and intuition emboldens and empowers her to both discriminate and defend against female-unfriendly values and standards and undeserved masculine expectation and mistreatment.

The process for generating self-gratitude follows soon.

 

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