Tag Archives: kids

567. Sex differences explain men — Chap. 32


♦       As women age, their ratio of testosterone to estrogen rises, so they get more authoritative. As men age, they get less aggressive, because their ratio diminishes.

♦       In war men don’t fight for home and country, they fight for the men alongside, military buddies. In wartime women fight for home, family, and beliefs.

♦       Men don’t respect women acting like males. Women don’t respect men acting like females.

♦       Men offer advice cautiously. They can’t stand to be ignored or disregarded. Women offer advice freely. They’re not offended when it goes unheeded or ignored.

♦       She wants to look pretty. He wants to appear in control.

♦       Women are more group-oriented and men more individualistic.

♦       Women expect peace without having to fight for it. Men know they must fight for it.

♦       Men physically defend themselves. Women mentally defend themselves.

♦       The male nature competes but cooperates under pressure. The female nature cooperates first but easily competes under pressure if risks are not threatening to kids or family.

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469. What Moms Never Hear — B: Mom’s Song


Princess Mom,

At last, someone has commemorated your heroic efforts. You may have seen it, but you’ll like it anyway. (The next post for moms is 471.)

Guy

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440. What daughters never hear — Section 13


♀ Promises of commitment and excitement of love are not the glue of marriage. These ingredients make the glue:

·        Respect and forgiveness.

·        Dreaming about long range goals, setting and achieving short range goals that lead to dream fulfillment.

♀ Too eager by him means meager for her. The more intensely he focuses on conquest, the more eager to make her a dumpee.

Good intentions are no better than the follow through, and worse if they stand alone.

Men grow more fair and agreeable when gratefulness grows for their woman.

♀ Marriage spirals downward from too much shortsightedness, selfishness, and self-interest that outweigh our-interest.

Nature likes balances and tradeoffs. Letting husband rule the roost today enables wife to rule the rooster much later. He focuses short-term, and she dreams long-term.

Men and kids exposed to blame and criticism look for other opportunities and escape.

Put a plan into effect, and it needs continual adjustment—especially the family budget.

♀ Women sense accurately that two men will not knowingly share a woman sexually except when one cuckolds another.

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303. Weans, tweens, and teens, #11 — Immature kids


Immature adults emerge from this background: Kids enter puberty with empty minds primed to vacuum up adolescent values that produce these characteristics in adulthood:

·        Action comes before responsibility.

·        Self-centeredness overpowers ‘us’.

·                   Good intentions explain away lack of results.

·        Taking risks overrides common sense.

·        Others must earn my respect.

·        Popularity is more important than character.

·        Symbols are as good as substance.

·        Sex outweighs fidelity.

·        Parental supervision offends.

·        Wisdom resides in my peers.

They get that way from poor parenting in the weans and tweens. The following point to impending immaturity when present at puberty.

They lack:

o   A good work ethic and strong sense of personal responsibility.

o   Religious beliefs and moral convictions that guide them toward living up to something bigger than themselves.

o   Dependence upon parents for wisdom, guidance, support, back up.

o   Respect for authority and authority figures.

o   A foundation of unconditional respect for all people.

o   Ambitions (underdeveloped) for their own adult life. Not necessarily what they want to do, but expectations and preferably dreams of living in the adult world of responsibility, work, mature fun, family building.

They have:

o   Dreams of becoming a teen instead of an adult. They focus on peers, popularity, fashions, outside-the-family activities, and earlier duplication of older kids.  

o   Respect others only for what they can do for the child.

o   Self-centeredness. Selfishness comes easily to them. Their heart is soft for peers, but hard for most others.

o   A mother that did not nurture the child well in the weans, a father that did not lead well in the tweens, or both.

They exit adolescence with convicted beliefs that values learned in the teens are right and proper for adult life. This happens for one reason: They entered puberty with a mind empty of mature adult, albeit underdeveloped, values into which they expected to grow.  

[More about childhood mental growth appears in posts 268, 239, 223, 208, 197, 193, 192, 187, 178, and 177. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot and space following it.]

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278. Female malpractice — Part 8


Feminists popularized complaints about men. This one pressures women into wifely malpractice: ‘A woman’s work is never done’.

First, work-never-ends is the woman’s natural state. She needs a brighter future. She feels compelled to make it so through corrections and improvements.

Second, everything needs care, requires time, or must be made better. But those ‘everythings’ interfere with each other: job, housework, kids, step kids, husband, parents, and maybe even an ex. 

Third, she focuses more on the bad in others than the good around her. Complaints erode her gratefulness, and lack of gratitude erodes her happiness. The ‘everythings’ worsen.

Fourth, she can attack her misery by stopping malpractice in the home. For example:

·        Expecting too much of herself and others.

·        Living her life vicariously through kids.

·        Supervising kids beyond their maturity, hovering as helo mom.

·        Parenting her husband, especially as an intolerable ‘nagatha’.

·        Striving for perfection at work or home.

·        Equalizing domestic and childcare workloads with husband. (Sharing is possible, equality is not. Endless squabbles and resentments are easy.)

·        Letting kids escape responsibility for housework and domestic tranquility.

·        Failing to anticipate family squabbles that lead to further disruptions.

·        Bossing instead of negotiating with husband. (She and not him is the relationship expert.)

·        Bossing kids angrily. Stirring passions unnecessarily, including her own.

·        Letting kids see mom-dad disputes, arguments, fights.  

Malpractice adds burdens, but better choices can be made.

[More about female malpractice appears in posts 236, 221, 206, 189, 175, 164, and 150. Scroll down or search for the number with a dot and space following it.]

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275. Female Fortitude—91 through 95


These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match previous posts.

91.      Male conquest is predominately a psychological victory. Later encounters with the same woman are physical. This makes their first sex together monumentally different from whatever comes later.

92.      Some women adopt stupid rationalizations: Get pregnant to capture or hold a man. A married man is better than nothing. We’re great in bed, so he must love me. If we don’t cohabit, I’ll lose him.

93.      One poor but popular strategy causes women to repeatedly lose the battle of the sexes: She thinks sex will capture a man, her romancing will confirm him as the right man, and her love will hold him.

94.      Before marriage he has her on a pedestal. After the kids arrive she puts them on the pedestal. In doing so, she nudges herself off.

95.      Women cohabit, because they are desperate to hold a man, or they seek economic advantage. Men cohabit, because she’s unworthy of marriage, he wants to keep his options open, he seeks frequent and convenient sex at low cost, or all of the above.

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 270, 265, 260, 255, 250, 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

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262. Mom’s misguided intentions


Loving intentions: Mother wants her little darlings to look cute and be well liked and become more popular. So, starting soon after birth, she keeps them in the latest kids’ fashions.  

Unintended consequences compound for years:

·        Kids in the weans don’t care how they look. Other than being warm and dry, clothes bore them. Little girls playing dolls and dress up are an exception, but it doesn’t affect the rest of this story.

·        Kids learn that moms are supposed to spend time, effort, and money to make them look better, more well-liked, more popular.

·        Girls look like Shirley Temple. Mom looks like Raggedy Ann, because she lives vicariously through her daughter

·        Kids become eye candy for perverts and predators.

·        Mom prompts and kids learn to focus on looks rather than character.

·        Kids learn to deal with one conflict of the tweens. Mom says fashionable clothes generate popularity. Kids learn acceptance is both easier and more important than popularity, but they still yearn for the latter.

·        The approach of puberty makes kids more clothes conscious. They learn that fashion is not only essential, but the latest is more so.

·        Kids enter teen years, and clothes consciousness assumes its own independence. They accept late fashions as necessary to their appearance and, hence, acceptance by peers and potential for popularity.

·        Fashion statements become critical for one’s popularity. Independence must be shown. Looking different from one’s parents crowns this emerging independent spirit.

·        Mom must pay, but taste belongs to kids. They fully expect to stay fashionable in teen years, because mom awakened the spirit in the weans and tweens.  

·        Mom liked the kids being fashionable, when she set standards, shopped, and selected. After puberty, she objects to teen independence, style, fashions, and costs. Too extreme for her.

·        Mom remembers having heard that clothes make the person. She now sees her priceless kids attired so different from her expectations.

·        Teen years fill up with family squabbles over style, substance, standards, costs, and choices of attire.  

·        Self-esteem takes a hit. Teens assume that mom no longer likes them. She changed so drastically when they wanted to define what makes them look good, well liked, and popular.  

·        Until mom’s self-imposed problems arose, husband/father/stepfather was largely ignored. His interests don’t lie in keeping kids fashionable.

·        To men, clothes make the man, not the boy. Childhood is for play. Being well liked is far less important then becoming well accomplished and prepared for adulthood.

·        He’s ill prepared to solve the unintended consequences of mom’s good and loving intentions.

Such multiple consequences haunt throughout the teen years and harsh feelings may linger beyond.

NOTE: I’m not against fashion, fashionable or fashion statements—for adults. Keeping kids in the latest fashions treats them as adults, and that’s the problem. Good intentions smash family harmony after they pass through puberty. I hope to publish more on family disharmony caused by elevating kids and treating them as adults.  

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