Tag Archives: living together

2638. Good Women Lose Their Way Getting Their Way — 02


I mentioned earlier that I started this series before I was ready. Trying to recover and continue, I’ve run out of time; I’m taking a 10-day vacation this Tuesday. So, I leave you with some mind-ticklers to ponder, subjects on which I expect to elaborate later.

  1. Strongly motivated differently, the sexes have two motivational forces in common. Both want to get their way with the other, which stirs immense competition, which tends to separate them. And yet, both are designed to be compatible as a mate. It’s another of the gaps that only women can close.
  2. Although both sexes are born to get their way, a marriage prospers when wife gets her way in most of life together except his job.
  3. A woman marries for love and expects to get her way caring for her man. A man marries for comfort and convenience and expects to get his way in the details, which he earns and deserves by way of providing and protecting.
  4. Each wanting and expecting to get their way generates a competitive spirit that floods a couple, until wife nullifies it with cooperation.
  5. If wife competes with husband, his urge to dominate emerges and he intends to win. No man of significance loses to the weaker sex, so getting her way is the consequence of something other than competition.
  6. Both sexes are born with free will but someone must be in charge, if progress is the goal. If male dominance drives their bus, compatibility will get run over.
  7. The smart wife strives to get her way most of the time. She bows to husband getting his way only when he insists and she can’t satisfy him otherwise.
  8. Wife divides their life together into two spheres that overlap: One sphere is his job and she doesn’t go there. The rest of their life together is her sphere, and she strives to get her way in all of it.
  9. Where their spheres intersect, wife strives to reduce its size until only husband resides in it. It happens as her drive to get her way manifests as winning the competition of who governs their life together.
  10. Both adequate and satisfaction are undersold, and love is oversold in the scheme of life that leads to marital success.
  11. Love is never enough, because it doesn’t satisfy both parties. Both satisfaction in men and happy in women are built around adequacies. Unless fruitlessly chasing perfection, adequate is good enough as foundation for building mutual satisfaction in life together.
  12. Adequate can satisfy. If she is loved adequately, she’s close enough to being satisfied and can focus on something else. If his life with her is adequate, he’s close to being satisfied with his comfort, convenience, and her.
  13. If her man’s expressions of attention, affection, and romance are adequate to her, she’s satisfied that she’s loved. OTOH, direct expressions of her love of him satisfy her more than him.
  14. Neither sex is born to pursue perfection. Adequate is enough to breed satisfaction within a man provided it’s composed of enough smaller ‘adequates’. Any woman has the ability—outside her ability to love—to produce enough adequates to satisfy a husband’s expectations. She can read husband and identify his satisfaction with her performance and thereby keep him satisfied with both her and their living together.
  15. A simple guidance strategy exists to show wives how to build and manage almost everything in their wedded relationship. IOW, get her way most of the time.

Summarizing the above, I shall describe a simple model of how to make marriage work successfully, defined as good enough to avoid separation. It has two simple strategies, get her way and keep him satisfied. The devil is in the details, which each wife can exploit. The female nature is particularly designed to enable every woman to make better of her marriage.

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1226. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 37


  • A female showing tattoos or wearing her libido on her sleeve attracts players and temporary husbands but not the Marrying Man. The latter avoids being connected to a female who disses herself to attract men.
  • It’s unfortunate. The woman unhappy with herself expects her man to make her happy. But she has little room for him otherwise in her guilt-shrunken heart. She takes instead of giving, and he leaves instead of staying.  (Do it with kids and they rebel.)
  • If a woman has to talk a man into marriage or living together, consider it merely for practice. It won’t last.
  • To duplicate male sexual behavior and capture boyfriends in adolescence, girls abandon female modesty. They give up old school character strength that protects against embarrassment. They accept without protest new school embarrassments caused by males. Then, following embarrassment, they blame themselves for being too sensitive and they lower standards out of fear of offending boys.
  • It used to work well for him to rule the roost and her to rule the rooster. Now, she tries to be the rooster, he looks elsewhere, and the family crumbles. Modern women ignored their mothers and grandmothers. They never learned the skills for ruling the rooster by letting him rule the roost.

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222. Female dominance: Gone! —Part 6


Females succumb to male expectations and standards, which lower their value as mates. They accept commitment instead of taking time to generate a man’s devotion.

⌂ Commitment promises togetherness with her. ♥ Devotion delivers his dedication to her.

⌂ Commitment only promises to rule out other women. ♥ Devotion delivers it, because she’s worth not losing.

⌂ Commitment signals she’s worthy enough for him. ♥ Devotion signals she’s more than worthy for him.

⌂ Commitment’s promise of togetherness may last or not, because only time and future tell. ♥ Devotion to her lasts even though living together may not happen.

⌂ Commitment dies easily under daily pressures that eat away at promises and togetherness. ♥ Devotion of self to one person triggers a man’s nature to provide and protect against life’s pressures.  

⌂ Promises require no work at the present. ♥ Devotion exhibits personal sacrifices today.

⌂ Commitment is a two-way, negotiated exchange of obligations. ♥ Devotion is one-way verbal and physical communication aimed at inspiring two-way dedication.

⌂ Commitment leaves room to blame her for togetherness problems. ♥ Devotion bonds him more tightly and inspires him to blame everything else before her.

⌂ Commitment has no obligation to excuse a mate’s mistakes. ♥ Devotion finds excuses to protect one’s mate.

⌂ Promises make only vague and risky commitment, as females see it. ♥ Women crave someone’s devotion.

Commitment is infatuation, lust, love, or maybe empty words. The only proof lies in the absence of breaking up.

Devotion is observable. He courts her delicately and doesn’t push too hard for conquest, because he’s afraid of losing her.

NOTE: She did it again. The nice lady that inspired post 219 also inspired this one.

[More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

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148. Sex and the fickle girl—Part IV


♀ Women expect men to love as females do, but it’s another gene inequality. Chromosome math always applies for love:  xx ≠ xy.

♀ The woman so narrow minded as to enter shack up or marriage based solely on romantic love and his words of commitment will likely join the ex crowd. Other things over which she presides determine success at living together.  

♀ To partake of promiscuous sexual freedom, women destroy the virtues that inspire a man to prove himself worthy of a woman.

♀ Twice-burned as an ex means she chooses losers instead of winners, or she ruins the winners with whom she partners.

♀ When thinking as men do, women lose their relationship management expertise. Female bosses demo it.

♀ When women blame men for relationship ills, they refuse to focus on and consider their own faults. It makes their life simpler but not easier, more frustrating and less happy.

♀ When women define and uphold female virtue, men must make themselves deserving. When men define virtue, women lack their own standards to uphold. Thus, they lose opportunities to earn manly respect.

♀ Women too eager for marriage accept a man’s verbal commitment, which does not stand the test of either time or other sex objects.

[More about fickle females appears at posts 137, 93, and 34. Scroll down or search by the number with a dot following it.

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60. Why he doesn’t hear her—Part I


Women, not men, have to tell men how to deal with women. And they should do it with feminine expertise that appeals to men instead of feminist disrespect that disuades men from respecting women.

No two women are pleased in the same ways. Ditto for men. The Battle of the Sexes is fought as protagonists smoothing out their respective interests during courtship in order to promote living together—after which the smoothness gets rumpled. All else is incidental.

A woman’s battleground success flows mostly from indirect messaging and highly feminine techniques that make a man feel good about himself. Men respond favorably and become pliable when rewarded appropriately. They respond unfavorably if not. Those are the rules for life’s game in which women need men more than vice versa.

Ignorant women begrudge male dominance. Smart women go around it, smother it with feminine charm, tease it into submission, and manage the pressures. No matriarchy has arisen in over 7,000 years, so evidence points to unalterable DNA as the root cause.  

This begs the question: How do smart women hold male dominance within acceptable bounds? The answer: They outfox the fox. They empower him to rule the roost, while they learn to rule the rooster. She lets him dominate the present, while she shapes their future to match her hopes and dreams.

She makes him head of the family and proud to be that, while she as the neck points and promotes family togetherness, solidarity, and morale. She sacrifices herself for him and family in their early years, and reaps her rewards later as well-loved matriarch of a warm, close knit, admirable family.*

Reward men appropriately for husbanding and fathering, and women can have what they want out of life with a man. ‘Appropriate’ means as defined by that man and no one else. So, a woman’s lifelong major task is to uncover what her man expects from her, and make sure she will not be victimized in whatever follows. (Of course she can claim that she’s due the same thing. But, he lacks the skills and interest to provide it.)

It’s humongously tough to do. Reward mostly means respect and gratitude for who he is and what he does. But each man individualizes it. Among the natural female ‘nessies’ described in post #59, there are innumerable ways for a woman to reward her man. When she continually shines in his eyes, that’s usually reward enough.

* Thanks to Nia Vardalos for the neck analogy from her movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

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A Guy Note: Women know what they want, but they don’t know how to get it. They’re doing it all wrong. That’s What Women Never Hear, but now they can read it here.  

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