Tag Archives: loneliness

2805. Well-liked Article (#66 updated from January 2008)


A woman easily mismanages her relationship when she exhibits female tendencies that harden her heart for cooperation and soften her head into competing with her man. The following mismanagement tendencies do not cause breakup. The cumulative effects make their relationship intolerable to her man.

  1. Bitchiness that flows from envy, jealousy, and similar emotions regarding him and others.
  2. Busyness motivated by dislike of herself when idle.
  3. Carelessness prompted by weak sense of responsibility.
  4. Dedication to pursuing her personal agenda rather than their agenda as couple.
  5. Facetiousness prompted by fear of being wrong.
  6. Fearsomeness brought on by mistakes that she thinks might be repeated.
  7. Fussiness inspired by desire for perfection.
  8. Habitually blaming others to escape being blamed herself.
  9. Hatefulness prompted by dislike of herself.
  10. Loneliness imagined when he’s not with her.
  11. Lonesomeness blamed on husband’s absence at work.
  12. Moodiness that flows from inability to control events that satisfy herself.
  13. Phoniness energized by fear of her true character being found out.
  14. Pill addiction caused by sense of inadequacy to feel good about herself.
  15. Political correctness brought on by sense of being victimized.
  16. Quarrelsomeness that emerges from her desire to exclusively steer their bus.
  17. Selfishness never un-taught to her in childhood.
  18. Sloppiness or lack of attention to him in the company of his friends and competitors.
  19. Unfaithfulness that boils in oil her man’s sense of significance.
  20. Untidiness, the nesting merits of which she was never taught in childhood.

Those mismanagement tendencies are mostly indirect causes of breakup. Some of it exists in each woman. However, the undesirable effects—more competition and less cooperation—accumulate in their man, and their relationship grows more intolerable to him.

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2135. Compatibility Axioms #621-630


621. Blame neutralizes or kills compatibility. She is unhappy with her man and blames him. He doesn’t understand her; things aren’t that bad. She’s just ungrateful for him, it appears unjustified, and he after all is a good man doing his best. If she explains it, he disagrees. What else is he supposed to do? Blaming him tampers with his sense of significance, his greatest fear especially when his woman questions it. As his self-defense attitude tells him, he’s challenged as a man and determines to produce results different and perhaps opposite to what she wants. [217]

622. Over time men seek improvements in their lives. They keep trying to better these main objectives: Frequent and convenient sex; meals easier to fix; comfortable recovery from daily work; sex partner that reflects credit on him. A man does it until satisfied with himself. Or compensated with a satisfying alternative such as a good and attractive wife. [217]

623. Her outside appearance attracts a man, her internal qualities hold him. [219]

624. Men seek to marry a virtuous woman, one they find so virtuous as to be fascinating. She’s only as virtuous as a man admires her qualities including appearance, traits, and achievements. So, her rewards associating with men come mostly from being admired for qualities superior to those of other women. Marital inclinations start with one man’s admiration of one woman that exceeds admiration of others. [219]

625. Loneliness and marriage are incompatible. Loneliness comes from too much self-centeredness that lacks self-importance. Sincere giving of herself to others and finding gratitude outside herself increases self-importance and drives out loneliness. [219]

626. What she thinks about most, she gets. If it’s unhappiness, she turns unhappy. If it’s pleasure, she turns toward that. If it’s loneliness, she migrates toward more of it. If its suspicion of his cheating, he’s driven toward it. (The subconscious mind takes each of us toward what we think about the most, whether good or bad, desired or undesired, liked or hated, feared or coveted.) [219]

627. Everything for which she can be grateful adds to her happiness. [219]

628. Modest attire, feminine mystique, moral restraint, monogamous spirit, and proud breast display make gaining access to sex with her appear as a major challenge. He sees that much more togetherness will be required for him to score than with women who dress suggestively or erotically. Except for the ultimate challenge of conquest, challenges are better motivators of men than sex. [220]

629. Feminine mystique stimulates the male mind to slow his charge to conquer, else he may miss out. [220]

630. Modest attire stimulates the male mind to slow its boldness, else he might offend her and lose out. [220]

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2063. Signs of Devotion in the Dating Stage


At post 2055 Her Highness Cinnamon asked for details that reveal a guy’s devotion in the dating phase. That’s easy. There is none except his devotion to his interest and her devotion to her interest. However, there’s always the possibility of a man’s love at first sight. One of the first things that emerges quickly is devotion to her. It’s just an ‘automatic’ phenomenon. (Women don’t love a man at first sight; they just imagine it out of too much anxiety or hope.)

However, I see what Cinnamon is after. What signals a man’s worth to move into courtship and beyond? With apology to her, however, I think more benefit may come from citing things often overlooked by gals enthralled in romantic love.

Therefore, these ‘pointy fingers’ hint at or reveal the unlikelihood that a man’s devotion of almost any woman will develop. That is, red flags unfurl, stormy weather ahead.

  1. He resists or resents just about anything that pleases her. He pleases her only when he wants something. (Which reflects deep self-centeredness and probably selfishness.)
  2. He lacks thoughtfulness, respect, punctuality, reliability, politeness, or even awkwardness or discomfort in his attempts to charm her. (Awkwardness discloses uneasiness about doing something wrong, and so it’s a good sign.)
  3. He lacks appreciation for her humor, presence, patience, housekeeping, job or family obligations, attractiveness (above and beyond the sexual).
  4. He presents her with no evidence that he admires any features, traits, habits, or qualities about her. (Lack of admiration means he sees no virtues in her and men want to marry a virtuous woman.)
  5. He doesn’t please her in order to please himself. (This is tricky. He’s more invested in her when he pleases her to please himself.)
  6. He lacks interest to do what she sometimes wants them to do together. (Such lack of respect signals no foundation for his love.)
  7. He considers her attentions to him to be excessive and has no problem telling her about it. (If she nags about loneliness, she is the red flag.)
  8. He angers easily at her for little things. That is, he ticks off easily. (And you say, most men do. And I say, not if she’s important enough for him. He either values her above his temper or devotion is probably not in the cards. Admittedly, after they marry, couples learn that husband’s temper and devotion are not mutually exclusive like they should be in courtship when his self-control is part of selling himself to her. Wife has already bought into him.)
  9. He shows little interest in contacting her frequently and regularly. (He may have good reason and slowness of initiative should not raise a red flag. For example, it’s tolerable if he wants to keep him in her mind, but preferable if he wants to set her mind at ease.)
  10. He seems unwilling to respect and accommodate both her modesty and vanity. He can’t live with the fairness (normal man’s value) of being punctual to her tardiness fixing up. (In the natural course of things, her tardiness signifies that she’s the more important member of the courting arrangement. If not acknowledged by him, red flags unfurl and courtship is probably wrong for them.)
  11. He exhibits bad habits as she defines ‘bad’ without his showing interest to change just to please her. (Doesn’t mean he has to change at her request but to at least show honest and sincere effort to do so hopefully for the purpose of just satisfying her.)
  12. He prefers the company of buddies over aloneness with her. (IOW, she’s not as respected as his fun or socializing time.)
  13. He lets sex dominate his thinking when around her and when contacting her routinely. (The more prevalent his interest in sex, the less his true interest in her. How can I say that? People get what they think about. Thinking about it leaves less time and words for other things. Until pre-conquest sex with her is hugely secondary, he’s not very devoted to her.)
  14. He resists investing his time, effort, or money in her. He’s single-minded to be super-efficient in their relationship. To produce the most for them at least cost to him. (After they marry, he gets worse. He won her with frugality, he can keep her satisfied (man’s value) while he becomes more successful at it. It’s the man’s nature coming alive this way. He admires himself for every nickel saved. Unfortunately, she pays a huge price for his satisfaction and her inability to earn happiness for lack of resources with which to spread her gratefulness among others.)
  15. He gives too big rather than thoughtful gifts. (Trying too hard to impress her signals that he’s buying her off, which reverses their natural roles. It pushes her into the corner of becoming the seller (to keep gifts coming) rather than the buyer of whatever he has to offer of himself without gifts. Respect is not buried in gifts but in the intent behind the giving. Thoughtfulness reflects his respect much better than his gift. Am I right, ladies?)
  16. He keeps his schedule from her to prevent her knowledge, involvement, or ability to investigate. (It’s natural for men to thus protect their independence and tend to their own business in their own way. It’s a strong instinct proportionally related to alpha, beta, gamma traits.)
  17. He keeps his agenda mysterious and doesn’t even hint at what her role might be in his life if and when they get more serious or marry. (Unwillingness to address her role keeps her closer to the sideline in case he wants to jump out of the relationship. The absence of such thoughts corresponds with unwillingness to fully commit.)
  18. He seems to purposely make himself unpredictable to her. (To be predictable is to lose independence. Men not fully devoted to their woman try endlessly to retain their independence even in small ways.)
  19. He flirts with other women when with her. (Contrary to woman-think, routine flirting does not signify emotional infidelity. Men don’t recognize emotional infidelity as important, and they don’t or can’t empathize with women about it. Therefore, women have to be more direct and teach their man, Thou shall not flirt, period.)
  20. He fails to flirt and tease her tenderly, abundantly, and sincerely. (Then he has little or no interest in making her feel good about herself.)
  21. He shows more interest in other things and people than in her. (He’s just not that into her, is he?)
  22. He sends out signals that she interprets as his using her to advance his agenda. (Does she want to tag along with his agenda?)
  23. He dodges commitment except when tied to frequent and convenient access to sex—e.g., shack up—and dodges even more when marriage comes up. (The female heart is loaded with self-protective reasons to find fault in such a guy.)
  24. He uses words of commitment but doesn’t show actions that signify devotion. (Her heart know this. Words are temporary. Only devotion is permanent. Now, how does she go about helping the former become the latter? Be herself, trust her heart, and rely on her patience and indirectness.)
  25. He attaches little extra value to the ‘us’ side of their relationship. He just can’t truly make her more important than him in his value system. (It does not bode well for her future even if sweetened by his presence.)
  26. He proactively claims both intent and ability to make her happy. (His idea of her happiness is her responding favorably to his leadership. OTOH, if he’s truly into her rather than sex, he’s worried about keeping her (the present) more than promising things (the future).)
  27. He promises her the moon. It’s an indirect invitation to bed. (When men come courting with indirectness, they abandon their direct nature. Women like to hear but should not trust romantic promises. Don’t dump him yet. Wait for his actions to match his words.)

Now, obviously those behaviors are more easily detectable during courtship. But the symptoms can be detected in dating and should raise red flags.

Cinnamon, if this doesn’t respond sufficiently well to your request, let me know. However, I know you ladies read more good signs and red flags in your lives than I can ever imagine. I think reason to veto is more useful. Avoidance usually beats the cure. Women already know how to buy in when they want to believe their date is almost Mr. Right.

During the dating phase, women should look for behaviors that hint that he’s not likely to fit any of those pointed fingers. That is, he’s likely to grow in the direction that leads to devotion. It may, however, be courtship phase before those signs are certain enough in a dating woman’s mind so they don’t rise up and bite her. If her screening and judging stop before he walks to the altar, she has sold herself short.

 

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1990. Self-gratitude — She Has to Earn Happiness


She earns happiness. Men don’t provide it; they just play the role she writes into her screen play.

Women seem to miss an important lesson as they mature from girlhood hopes and dreams into the real world. Happiness doesn’t come from her man. Girls imagine it within themselves. Women produce it within themselves. Men and other excuses should be removed from the blame list. Fulfillment of hopes and dreams depends on each woman.

More and more, women guide their lives by pop culture and manly expectations instead of instinct, intuition, and faith in their nature. They allow the dominant sex to disrespect the superior sex. Consequently, like toothpaste, women allow themselves to be squeezed out of the happiness tube into which they are born.

The obstructions to womanly happiness can be seen in this closed loop. She 1) ignores or distrusts her female nature and accepts living within the social and domestic expectations of the male-dominated pop culture. Lack of dependence on her female nature causes 2) loss of self-respect, which causes 3) loss of self-gratitude, which causes 4) loss of being grateful for others, which causes 5) loss of importance to others, which causes 6) loss of self-importance as person-female-woman-parent-adult-child-wife-mother-friend and all the other roles she fills momentarily and often simultaneously. Ultimately, by starting out with lack of belief, dependence, and even distrust of her female nature, she continually drives her life toward unhappiness.

By not focusing and finding gratitude for who she is and what she does, she morphs herself into the dreary multiplex of depression, divorce, abandonment, isolation, disappointment, singleness, despair, loneliness, and hopelessness. Fruitlessly, she seeks to find her way back into the tube.

However, recovery is everything. An entry point exists to reverse the loop and restore her potential. She starts by finding gratitude for who she is and what she does. It energizes her with self-confidence to drive the loop in reverse. a) Self-gratitude generates b) self-respect, which c) reinstates trust in the female nature within her heart, which d) restores her sense of self-importance in her multiple roles of life, which e) enables gratefulness for others, and which f) makes her more and more important to others and herself. Ultimately, by finding more and more self-gratitude, she morphs her life into being happy. Her happiness empowers her with greater ability to help her man find satisfaction in his life, out of which girlhood hopes and dreams are fulfilled.

Each woman’s happiness starts inside her. It just doesn’t work when she depends on someone else. If you disagree, ask any woman over sixty years of age. In the meantime, consider this. She earns happiness this way. She ignores the tube from which she was squeezed. She programs herself to trust her instinct, intuition, and feminine sensibilities. She uses new guidance for interacting with men. For example, acceptance of disrespect and filth is foreign to her soul. Dependence on her instinct and intuition emboldens and empowers her to both discriminate and defend against female-unfriendly values and standards and undeserved masculine expectation and mistreatment.

The process for generating self-gratitude follows soon.

 

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219. Female challenges


A nice lady asked if my blog applies to large women. Yes, plus those not perfectly shaped. (I ignore genetic causes.) A few reminders follow for women unproductively worried about such things.

☺ Oversized and imperfect shapes have many culprits: low sense of self-worth, unflattering image of physical self, lack of self-respect and self-confidence, bad habits, stinking thinking, and on and on. Mostly, however, it’s food intake inspired by frustration, loneliness, or discomfort tied in with some or all of the above.

☺ Her size and shape too easily mislead her thinking. For example, the nagging voice about weight is her enemy. Nagging herself, just as nagging a man, produces unintended consequences.

☺ Her size, shape, and presentation of body is her choice—past, present, and future. Self-interest and common sense say she should forever make her body and its appearance follow what she decides is best for her future.

☺ Guilt about the past is counterproductive. Self-promises loaded with great intentions about a brighter future can be productive—even when her ‘great intentions’ later dim to ‘almost got there’.

☺ Loneliness can’t be escaped, only deferred. It must be overridden by a comfort with herself different from what shopping, pizza, snacks, and munchies bring. Living up to something bigger than herself helps. (Turn her heart over to the Lord, and loneliness will not trouble her. Avoiding calories also becomes simpler and much easier.)

☺ Her outside appearance attracts a man, her inside virtues hold him.

☺ Virtue has its own rewards. It makes tough decisions easier, and adds to her importance and self-respect.

☺ Faith in the Lord uplifts her spirit. Belief in man—Humanism—discourages it.

☺ Loneliness comes from self-centeredness. Sincere giving of herself to others drives out self-centeredness and, consequently, loneliness.

☺ What she thinks about, she gets. (Our subconscious takes us toward what we think about whether good or bad, desired or undesired, liked or hated, feared or coveted.)

☺ Everything for which she can be grateful adds to her happiness.

☺ Ungratefulness for her body compounds grief out of all proportion to her body’s importance in successful living.

The female nature begrudges every flaw. Her mushy thinking keeps focus on them all.

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92. Dark Side of Feminism—Part 05


In addition to more freely yielding unmarried sex, feminist thinking prompts younger women to make more fundamental mistakes dealing with men.

Many women seem inept at winning the battle of the sexes, attracting the right man, avoiding hit-and-run relationships, identifying worthless men before yielding sex, dodging the Manipulating Man, avoiding the violent man, capturing the Marrying Man, avoiding accumulation of more ‘baggage’, inspiring faithfulness, avoiding the man’s game of shack up, living with a man for more than a few years, and growing into the right person to hold a man for life.

Some women adopt stupid rationalizations: Get pregnant to capture or hold a man. A married man is better than nothing. We’re great in bed, so he must love me. If we don’t cohabit, I’ll lose him.

Other women ignore their nature. A woman does not absolutely need a man, but she wants company or assistance at specific times in life. Primarily she wants a dependable relationship with someone stronger and perhaps more influential in shaping events that impact her and her children. She wants help to brighten her future in a society dominated by catastrophes, powerful people, and unexpected events. She wants comfort in needy times and seeks companionship to prevent loneliness. She particularly wants all these things late in life.

Feminist theory, dogma, and propaganda brought these conditions to women. Fortunately, women are now beginning to see the light. 

 

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66. Hard-hearted Hannah


A woman easily kills her relationship when she exhibits female weaknesses that harden her heart for cooperation and soften her head into competing with her man. Weaknesses follow:

♥ Facetiousness prompted by fear of being wrong.

♥ Hatefulness prompted by dislike of herself.

♥ Selfishness never untaught to her in childhood.

♥ Busyness pursuing her personal rather than their agenda.

♥ Fussiness inspired by desire for perfection.

♥ Bitchiness that flows from envy, jealousy, and similar emotions related to others.

♥ Fearsome brought on by mistakes that she thinks might be repeated endlessly. 

Quarrelsomeness that emerges from her desire to drive their bus.

♥ Untidiness, the nesting merits of which she was never taught in childhood.

♥  Loneliness imagined when he’s not alongside her.

♥ Lonesomeness caused by husband’s absence at work.

♥ Moodiness that flows from inability to control events to her satisfaction.

♥ Carelessness prompted by weak sense of responsibility.

♥ Sloppiness that reflects badly on husband to his friends and competitors.

♥ Phoniness energized by fear of her true character being found out.

♥ Political correctness brought on by sense of being victimized.

♥ Unfaithfulness that boils in oil her man’s sense of significance.

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