Tag Archives: lover

2756. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 07 Formula for Success


A formula exists with significant potential for marital success. Follow it and separation is not likely to cloud the marital horizon. It is this.

Formula. Wife starts each day in a happy frame of mind + she’s grateful for and likes who she is and what she does + she’s grateful for the man and kids she does it with + she allows her heart to outwardly reflect and shower her gratitude on those nearby and it = another great day. All of which confirms her self-confidence and gratefulness and brings on a steady and predictable state to her marital affairs.

Spinning out of her great day, her dynamic presence in the lives of her family overwhelms whatever negative outcomes they each may face. She’s in charge by acting in charge; she’s effective by getting her way, because she doesn’t rule but helps guide the self-development of family members. It’s her show to run, but most wives probably lack the first ingredient—‘wife starts each day in a happy frame of mind’.

And readers say, “you mean she only has to be happy?” Yes, but it’s a specific kind and cause, a derivative of the night before, and the major point of this article.

I know it sounds too simple and fanciful, but I’m about to answer the troublesome issue we ponder here. How does she get to a happy frame of mind each morning? She gets it in bed the night before.

You gals can claim that I’m wrong, but I’ll stick with three assumptions.

  1. A wife is as happy in the morning as husband confirmed the night before that she is very important to herself, extremely important to him, and essential for preservation of their relationship. Not satisfied sexually although it may have happened, but confirmed with lovemaking and intimacy that erases any and all doubt about her worthiness and importance to him and life together. IOW, sex without lots of post-coital intimacy is neither good lovemaking nor motivation to be happy the next morning.
  2. A happy woman in the morning is not out to find flaws or faults in her man, disruptions in her life for which she can blame someone else, or otherwise kill the gratefulness in her heart for who she is and what she does. She’s out to build upon the grand fortress she’s fortunate to have found in bed with an adoring and superlative lover. IOW, intimacy dominates her sex life, and post-coital intimacy is the most valuable. When it’s lacking, lovemaking is incomplete and happy doesn’t crown her attitude the next day. She’s as happy today as husband made her feel important last night.
  3. Her husband has no idea that she’s made that way, so dependent on his behavior in bed. A man knows that if she experiences orgasm, he’s done his job and a good one too. He believes what he figures out. Consequently, knowing that he and willy are great lovers, he’s pretty much into either poke, come, and go or he seeks new sexual adventures. Whichever way he takes them, he’s fully qualified and eager to prove his lovemaking ability.

See the dilemma? Wife knows what she needs but he doesn’t. He thinks orgasm is enough, she knows better. He professes lovemaking skills, which turns him against learning something new. He figures he knows her sexual side full well, that’s all that counts in bed, and so his beliefs become more inflexible and his sexual habits more disappointing over time. To him, sexual prowess depends on techniques with his willy more than embracing, holding, and stroking her body amid affectionate whispering in her ear.

IOW, they are not even close to being on the same wavelength about sex and her importance in his and her life together. Wives learn to fake whatever they need in order to preserve the relationship. It means they subordinate intimacy to relationship solidarity. It’s an investment of herself, but not a very rewarding one.

Women need for men to be better lovers; specifically, spreaders of intimacy as the major outcome of sexual relations.

To tell a man that is to insult him. Women need a strategy to coax and coach husbands into becoming better intimacy-based lovers. It’s next if I can produce it.

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Filed under courtship, Dear daughter, How she loses, How she wins, marriage, sex differences

2094. Domestic Indigestion—Don’t Blame Men


The politically inspired Feminism movement persuaded women to change their behavior relative to men. Unintended consequences inevitably arose for the public but were expected by political activists seeking to change America.

It’s their nature; men do whatever females require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Before Feminism emerged, men expected to marry for life and responsibly provide for family. Females admired and respected the male gender even more than their own. Males reciprocated. Women rewarded men for responsible husbanding and fathering, and men got what they wanted for giving up their freedom. Girls developed hopes and dreams and learned to screen teen boys for aptitude, talent, and skill to fulfill their dreams.

That female-friendly culture went under attack and the tear-down really took hold in the 1960s. Women’s Liberation advocates and the feminazis* called men relationship misfits, inadequate as mates, and unnecessary for the fulfillment of females. They mocked men as insensitive and overbearing. They sought to change the males’ natural dominance with legal, political, and economic initiatives. They dedicated to kill patriarchy.

Full-fledged feminists, acolytes, advocates, and admirers took up finger-pointing, male bashing, and condemnation of most things masculine. Political correctioneers arose to push forward on their ideology. Over time men fulfilled the prophecy. They became what they were called, accused of, and treated. With the Pygmalion Effect jumpstarted, the self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilled.

Men are now accused to be relationship misfits, blamed as inadequate mates, and determined to be uninterested and inadequate to fulfill female interests, hopes, and dreams. Compatibility as couples too easily bursts into flames. Pleasantness has dissolved as a cardinal point on society’s compass. Political correctness replaces the good common sense embedded in the female nature. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Mutual respect dies. Neither gender respects the other more than their own, as they once did. Men don’t respect the female gender, largely because women show insufficient respect for the male gender and do little or nothing to protect their sexual assets. Feminists try to alter the nature of men, but they fail. Hormones continue to trump intentions, whether good or bad. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Women provide unmarried sex more freely than ever before. Their need for a boyfriend, lover, or husband drives them. She rewards a man before he earns her by proving his worth for her, which means that her worth declines because so few set out to earn her. Little demand means less worthy and prices sink, which means men do less on behalf of women. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex.

Each woman’s value continues to decline in social, romantic, and domestic arenas. Feminists call it Sexual Freedom. Men call it GREAT! Non-feminist women arrive in greater numbers to populate the multiplex of misery where self-respect is dealt mortal blows by unwanted singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, depression, divorce, gloom. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Husbands abandon wives. They escape women who demean manly accomplishments and importance as they have been inspired by decades of trying to change men. Even older husbands capitalize by pursuing trophies. They long for the excitement they missed as teens. They seek to restore their significance with a young thing they can train to suit them. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Wives abandon husbands to keep from being dumped, to jumpstart legal proceedings, to maximize financial benefits. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Thus, modern women compensate men for doing what women don’t want. Gentlemanly behavior is dead. Male sexual freedom shows few restraints. Erotic attire spreads the urge to merge. Female-friendly morals deteriorate. Male character strengths weaken as less family responsibility provides less reinforcement. Strong sense of family responsibility melts alongside single women without hopes and dreams. But men get plenty of cheap and easy sex.

Men continue as their nature enables and empowers them to ignore female-friendly values, standards, and expectations. They do whatever women require for frequent and convenient access to sex but not much else. It’s so much cheaper for males, because females now absorb the high cost of cheap sex and men get so much more of it.

Unfortunately, the feminist-darkened social culture forces the majority of women to pay the full price after split up. Less respect for men and social values about sexual freedom push women where they don’t want their relationships to go. They turned men into insensitive clods and fuzzy-headed mates. Having bought into an ideology spawned by political activists declaring war on men,  what more should women expect?

As society proceeds more toward collectivism, individualism dies. Political leaders and activists govern what happens to individuals by causing the collective to deteriorate and become more dependent on politicians. So, obviously unknown to women because they don’t fight back, the character of politicians determines the character of the public. As the quality of character fades collectively, the quality of individual character follows and so does life for everyone. But men get plenty cheap and easy sex to compensate them to not object.

 

——

* Rush Limbaugh coined the feminazi term to describe the dozen or so radicals that birthed Feminism out of the Women’s Liberation political movement. Nothing more is intended here.

Editor’s note: This is a rewrite of article 157. Dark Side of Feminism—Part 11 published 4/4/2008. Over six years ago and conditions worsen.

 

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1916. Compatibility Axioms #111-120


111.By their nature, women favor equality as primary for decision making. Men favor fairness. Resolve it early or arguments compound and bitterness can’t be far behind.

112. Any promise of his castle dies, when she takes charge after marriage and keeps squeezing him to fit better into her ideals of their home and model of life within it. [54]

113. Submissiveness is a cooperative spirit. Regardless of its name and who possesses it when and where, such a spirit is essential for marriage to work. [56]

114. Phonies lose in the end. During courtship she hides her true character in order to get a man to marry her. Afterward, she reverts to her true self and to him becomes a different woman—one he did not intend to marry. [54]

115. It quickens his departure, when she rejects him as family hero and elevates the kids over him. [54]

116. It subverts a marriage, when she treats his opinions as less important and judgments as less valuable than those of someone else. [54]

117. Each marriage faces three monumental events: the 2-year glitch, 7-year itch, and 20-year switch. Prevention starts years earlier. Avoidance is difficult. Recovery makes the steep slope slicker, but it all toughens mates. [65]

118. Nothing is foolproof, but the virtual virginity strategy works best to remarry an ex. If he’s going to be any different than in their first marriage, he needs to respect her more.  [70]

119. Feminism makes women think more like men, especially ‘me before you’ and ‘me before us’. Such women lose much of their natural expertise for holding a man.[71]

120. A man expects to succeed as himself in all of his relationship roles. He focuses primarily on provider-protector and needs a lot of feminine coaching to fully accept the friend, faithful mate, husband, father, affection-giver, and devoted-lover roles that his woman expects. [72]

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781. RANDOM THOUGHTS — Group 11


  • Seeking marriage? It’s not what you promise him. It’s the promise he sees in you.

 

  • Trust a man’s actions but verify his words.

 

  • Women make life tough for themselves. If they don’t care about appealing to the male gender generally, men conclude that women don’t care that much about having a permanent man. This means men don’t care that much about being the kind of man that women want to marry. It also means that women don’t particularly care about being the kind of woman that men want to live with for very long.

 

  • Were I a woman, the day before my wedding I would swear to myself that I would never speak again of any exes, husbands, lovers, or boyfriends. My intended can’t ever be convinced he’s numero uno, if I raise competitive ghosts to him regardless of good, legitimate, or manipulative intentions. (I realize it’s probably not possible in today’s world, but I’d try my absolute best, and especially never belittle my number one by referring to any man.)

 

  • All females have the potential to provide sex. So, except for attractiveness and availability, none is unique until conquest makes them descriptive— such as poor lay, good lay, disposable, lover, ex, dumpee, booty, live-in, etc.

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622. Recovery for Wives — Part 5


WWNH: Working on her inner self will be more productive than trying to improve husband. She can surround him with an improved HER.

One regular reader said, “My boyfriend told me ‘I’ve been sweeter lately’. That’s a pretty big deal. I’m so excited he noticed.” Sweeter means her attitude shined more brightly in ways that he appreciated. Right?

How did her attitude change? I don’t know about the reader specifically, but women can sweeten their attitude by changing their view of their Self. Men have no natural drive toward being sweet, but husbands can sweeten their attitude by associating with a sweeter person and wanting to please that person.

Women can generate a lot of ‘sweetness’ easily, but men won’t or don’t see it as strength for them. I cite four ways to make herself sweeter for herself and husband.

  • She likes herself better as a person; she decides and reinforces all by herself that she’s more valuable to herself than she’s accustomed to thinking. (Reading this blog helps.)
  • She pictures herself as a better female, woman, help-mate, lover, encourager, and wife. When her shortcomings come to mind, she imagines they’re fading and will soon be gone, and then reinforces how much better she is now than she used to be. (Again, I send Einstein to the rescue: “Imagination [of what you can be] is more important than knowledge [of whatever you are].”)
  • She becomes more dedicated to caring for husband and making their life better together. She accepts responsibility to do the work without expecting compensation or recognition. (After all, it’s her marriage to maintain, since men don’t think relationships need maintenance. Also, for example, sweetness, lightness, and playfulness can reshape a relationship without getting the man directly involved.)
  • Or, there’s a simpler and easier way: Invite Jesus Christ into her heart. This automatically does all of the above plus a whole lot more. It costs nothing and the payoffs never end.

On that promise of earthly blessings and heavenly bliss, I end this series and pray that it helps those in need of recovery for their marriage.

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157. Dark Side of Feminism—Part 11


The politically inspired Feminism movement persuaded women to change their behavior relative to men. Unintended consequences inevitably arose:

1.      Men do whatever females require in order to have frequent and convenient access to sex. Before the Dark Side, men expected to marry for life and responsibly provide for family. Women admired and respected the male gender even more than their own. Men reciprocated. Women rewarded men for responsible husbanding and fathering, and men got what they wanted for giving up their freedom.

2.      Starting four decades ago, it all changed. Women’s Liberation advocates and the feminazis* called men relationship misfits, inadequate as mates, and unnecessary for the fulfillment of females. They mocked men as insensitive and overbearing. They sought to change the males’ natural dominance with legal, political, and economic initiatives.

3.      Full-fledged feminists and  their advocates and admirers took up the finger-pointing, male bashing, and condemnation of most things masculine.

4.      Men fulfilled the prophecy. They became what they were accused of and called. The Pygmalion Effect took effect; the self-fulfilling prophecy fulfilled.  

5.      Men now act as relationship misfits, inadequate mates, and unnecessary for the fulfillment of female interests. Feminist politics overwhelms the good common sense of the female nature. 

6.      Mutual respect dies. Neither gender respects the other more than their own, as they once did. Men don’t respect the female gender, largely because women show insufficient respect for the male gender. Feminists tried to alter the male Nature, but they failed. Hormones eventually trump intentions, whether good or bad. 

7.      Women provide unmarried sex more freely than ever before. Their need for a boyfriend, lover, or husband drives them to reward a man before he earns her by proving his worth for her. Feminists call it Sexual Freedom. Men call it GREAT! 

8.      Husbands abandon wives. They escape the woman that demeaned his importance by decades of trying to change him. Even older husbands capitalize by pursuing trophies. They long for the excitement they missed as teens. They seek a chance to start over; they’ve learned how to restore their significance as husband and father. 

9.      Thus, modern women compensate men for doing what women don’t want. Gentlemanly behavior is dead. Male sexual freedom shows few restraints. Erotic attire spreads the urge to merge. Male character strengths weaken as less family responsibility provides less reinforcement. Strong sense of family responsibility melts alongside another women without a man.  

10.  Men continue as their nature commands: They do whatever women require for frequent and convenient access to sex. It’s so much cheaper for males, now that females absorb the high cost of cheap sex. [More about the high cost can be found in posts 149, 138, 99, 84, 39, and 2.]

Unfortunately, the feminist-darkened social culture forces the majority of women to pay the full price after split up. Lessened respect for men and social values about sexual freedom push women where they don’t want their relationships to go. They turned men into insensitive clods and fuzzy-headed mates. Having bought into a political ideology, Feminism, what more should women expect?  

* Rush Limbaugh coined the feminazi term to describe the dozen or so radicals that birthed Feminism out of the Women’s Liberation political movement. Nothing more is intended here.

 

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143. Chaste courtship works—Part 4


Using sex to capture a boyfriend is easy. Sex infatuates boys, but it does not bond men. Thus, unmarried sex paves the road to ex-girlfriend, -lover, -live in, or -wife.

Women have no greater direct influence on their own personal world than when they refuse to provide unmarried sex. Yielding weakens her influence and enhances his dominating spirit.

Women have two major windows in which they can change their man: A long courtship before they first have sex and in middle age after Nature softens his heart. Both, however, require patience, indirectness, and feminine charm.

Women reject a long chaste courtship. They prefer the joys of sex over opportunity to makeover a man into Right Man. This forces her to seek to change him after marriage, a sure-fire way to push him toward other arms.

Women want to change their man after marriage but find that they can’t. The male nature resists her pressures to change, except as a woman delays his premarital conquest to stimulate change.

A long sex-free courtship resolves uncertainty about a man’s character and potential for successful marriage. Most men reveal their true character but not their entire Self, when facing a woman’s hard-headed and continuing delays for their first sex together. But, women are in charge of courtship only as long as it remains platonic.

A simple test of a man’s devotion: He honors her needs and wants ahead of his own. If, however, he continually pleases her at the expense of his manly dreams, she will lose respect for him and he will eventually become dumper or dumpee. 

[More about the merits of chaste courtships appear in post 108, 107, and 100. Scroll down or search by the number.]

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