I shall describe a simple model here of the male nature as a man senses pressure to move forward with a love interest and sustain himself in the husband role. The woman’s best game plan is to exploit and take advantage of her man’s nature.
Throughout his life, a man strives for one thing. Call it self-satisfaction, the drive to keep himself satisfied with himself—with who he is, what he does, and who he does it with. All of his complicated manly motivations lead back to that end result over which he retains complete authority to judge. It also supports, symbolizes, and reflects his independence.
His love of her builds in eight steps of which he may or may not be consciously aware. Most of it evolves out of his habits of thinking, rethinking, and subconsciously programming new habits about her as he drives, rests, or otherwise pauses to fit her into his life as a man. He’s not as much after her as keeping himself satisfied with himself.
The following steps are not linear. They flash and evolve irregularly, ubiquitously, and unanticipated in and around his psyche.
- During their early encounters, she doesn’t disclose herself but primarily listens to him and thereby earns his respect, which is the first essential requirement for his love to begin developing. He’s the seller talking her toward conquest; she as the buyer listens attentively but refuses conquest and thereby earns his respect. (She continues to earn his respect until she at last yields, and he becomes a different man in their relationship.)
- He learns to please her, because he sees promise in it toward conquest. He’s the seller, she’s the buyer so long as she doesn’t capitulate for their first sex together. (Then the roles automatically reverse.)
- After awhile pleasing her becomes habitual and he pleases her because it pleases him differently from chasing conquest. Thus, she becomes more important to him than sex, which makes him devoted and generates the second essential ingredient for his love.
- He sees her as extremely likeable. He seeks her presence more and more, and his feelings about her grow more magnificent until they override his thoughts to conquer.
- He finally figures out that she’s better than all the others and he could be loyal to her. He could, if he chose, quit chasing all those lovelies just to have her for his own.
- He searches for the next essential ingredient for his love to develop. She has to see him as likeable as she is to him. IOW, do her displays of love confirm his likeability or just his presence?
- She has to display actions that convince him she can or will be completely faithful and loyal to him.
- After months of thinking of her and dreaming of his future life, he begins to realize that he loves her. It’s a tough admission, because he doesn’t see love as women do, and so he lacks incentive to proceed. He’s not too eager to move on, unless he’s convinced he needs to marry in order to keep her for his own. That will move him, and his thoughts evolve into two questions.
He faces this dilemma. He has a good single life. Will he be more satisfied with himself continuing as before? Or will he be more satisfied living with her? If he admits the latter as the right way to move onward with his life, that he truly loves her above all others, then he makes the choice and proposes. It’s the one time he can admit that he must truly and undeniably love her enough to commit his all.
Men don’t expect to start something and fail, and so his proposal backs him into the corner of responsibility for marital success. Neither see nor acknowledge it, but it resides subliminally in him and questionably within her. (Threats to or complaints about their marriage are subliminally if not obviously his fault, which puts them in competition and men don’t expect to lose to a weaker person, and she’s a member of the weaker sex, which means he has no intention of losing to her, which means he sometimes has to leave to keep from losing. Except for bringing up the threat or complaint, it’s not her fault but his nature pushing him like that.)
Her acceptance of his proposal puts them on different tracks of compatibility to her happiness and his satisfaction. He turns wedding and honeymoon preps over to her, and expects to thereafter live in his marital kingdom by keeping himself satisfied with himself. He already knows those things for which he expects to be directly responsible. In effect, he hires her to handle everything else.
It results in their division of responsibility. He’s responsible for those things up to which he acknowledges to himself to satisfy himself: e.g., his job, car, income, husbandly and fatherly duty, leadership, etc. Everything else is hers to handle—especially relationship management—such that she gets her way with most of her life with him.
Princess wives know what they want. They’ve dreamed it for years. The more intense their dreams, the more perfection they expect, and it has a disastrous effect in early marriage. Perfection is too much, whether in homecare, childcare, or relationship management. It causes too many and too high expectations that cause friction that brings dissent, dispute, and ultimately separation.
That marriage works best that looks like this. If he’s satisfied with who she is, what she does, and living with her, then he’s satisfied with married life, which satisfies him that he rightly chose her, which satisfies him with himself. Women are well equipped from birth to read a man as to his being or not being satisfied. God must have intended to make her job that much easier, less traumatic, if she just uses her natural talent.
But, you say, what about her? Well, she gets to do as she pleases and almost always get her way. He rules the present, she rules their future. She can easily govern home life and relationships by respecting his kingdom this way. She can pursue perfection or anything else so long as she keeps him satisfied with her and what she does, then he’s satisfied with marriage. A satisfied need no longer motivates, and so a man satisfied with himself in marriage needs little more than what he has. She’s free to build on that accommodation, of holding him because she satisfies herself by satisfying him with himself.