Tag Archives: mature women

2175. Dating in Mid-life — Part C8: Her Past, A Simpler View


You can’t shape the dating atmosphere to your advantage without anticipating what is likely to come up. This post is aimed at reinforcing the more practical side of a subject and admittedly aims more at younger than more mature women.

Perhaps the toughest test of your worth to Mr. Good Enough, can and will he accept you without knowing the details of your past sex life? He has four interests: to determine his comparative value as a lover, to prevent his embarrassment as your lover, to determine the likelihood of you cheating, and what really intrigues him: Promiscuous? With his friends? With someone he knows? Mistress? Shack up? Cheap? Easy?

It’s his nature; he’s born that way. Men begrudge anyone who went before them, and the begrudging varies with who are the individuals. Husbands can be forgotten as legitimate earners of your favors (unless you bring it up)—but not the others and some measure of too many or too much reflects harshly against not just you but more importantly him.

CAUTION: The Manosphere loudly broadcasts that women are equally entitled to sexual freedom and their history is of no concern to advocates of Game philosophy. Don’t fall for it, darling. Their philosophic values are founded on the supreme superiority of men over women to the extent that respect for women is non-existent. Their philosophic flavoring floats on Feminism, tends toward homoeroticism, and leans on Islamic values. Overall, it contradicts anyone’s interest in sexual discretion and monogamy.

Here are a dozen pointers to help shape the dating scene to your advantage.

  1. Your known past generates suspicions that override acceptances and assurances. Your unknown past generates fewer suspicions to eat away at the mutual trust you hope to build.  [241]
  2. Men seek and others often advise full disclosure. When men actively pursue more about your past, they can’t ignore and not use the information to shape their thinking. Talked into full disclosure, women expect fairness and equality. The male nature does not originate fairness for sharing sexual assets, and equality is a female concept that men don’t normally consider in human relations. [241]
  3. People argue that trust cannot arise without full disclosure. Hah! Trust arises from convictions drawn from beliefs and speculation about a person. Trust does not arise when specific knowledge prevents such convictions. [241]
  4. Full disclosure comes out uneven, unequal, un-repairable, because the male nature values a woman’s chastity far more than the female nature finds interest in a man’s sexual history.  [241]
  5. The harder a man works to draw details out of your sexual past, the more likely he will use it against you sometime, someway. Perhaps latently, indirectly, or vengefully. It’s available to hold over your head and to rationalize or recover from his own mistakes. [241]
  6. Forgetting your sexual past with lack of knowledge is far easier than forgiving what Mr. GoodEnough learns from full disclosure. The more he knows, the more he thinks. The more he thinks, the more he looks for the bad or unacceptable. The more unacceptable, the less forgetting. The less forgetting, the less forgiving. [241]
  7. Feminine intuition trumps full-disclosure. While not easy, you are blessed with the skills and expertise to withhold who, what, when, where, why, and how of what he doesn’t already know. Withholding information is not dishonesty. Disclosure means candid, accuracy means honest. [302]
  8. His spirit and willingness to give more than he takes may indicate his ability to honor your decision and help qualify him as Mr. GoodEnough. However, if he’s more of a taker, he may not honor your other expectations either. Such as these after marriage: Have kids even though he agreed. Or your desire to stay home and home school, when he wants more income in the home. Or support you in caring for a sick parent. [327]
  9. Your undisclosed sexual past defends your relationship, because his ammo box lacks your historical bullets to fire back in domestic squabbles. [327]
  10. The forward-thinking woman convinces all her female friends to never leak anything about her past to her dating partner, boyfriend, husband, or any other man. But this may fail too, because friends betray friends. They steal dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands, don’t they? Consequently, the wisest woman keeps her sexual history as secret as possible even from friends and family. [327]
  11. Former relationships may be known to your man, but no mention should be made or comparative details disclosed. It’s toxic in any relationship for you to disclose the relative sexual worth of one man to another, regardless of who’s the better. [302]
  12. Don’t think you can outsmart him by claiming he’s your greatest lover ever. You opened the door to his inquiry about how and why he’s the greatest, so you’re trapped into telling what you’re best off not to disclose.

The more that Mr. GoodEnough knows, the more likely he will make you pay some price for your past. Couples do squabble. You may never know or understand what’s happening. Yet, he may strike back because of your earlier sexual events. It takes very little for reminders of your past to grow into humiliation for him. Your history affects his sense of significance, whether you know it or not and accept it or not. 

I know this subject has been perhaps overheated and difficult to accept. Too much of a good thing can still be boring. Tomorrow’s subject is also a tender one that needs to be reviewed for mid-life dating. It’s submission, even though we all know that subject doesn’t apply before marriage. Preparation is easier than recovery, which is the not just everything but quite often the only thing.

 

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2058. Submissive #12 — Submissive Ends Submission


The last installment in this series starts here. My hope is that it equal or exceed the clarity and quality of the 11 others.

39. Men unsure of themselves and unwilling to let it be known arbitrarily expect submission in their woman. Relationship experts, also known as mature women, know better than to get involved with such men in the first place. [Guy adds: Of course, to some women usually endowed with less maturity, it makes a guy more attractive. She perceives that he needs to change and she’s just the gal to do it.]

40. More than the actuality, how submissiveness appears to both husband and other men is a major issue. Admittedly, it is an ego thing. [Guy adds: She may find it more peaceful to present herself submissive to husband one way and differently in front of other men. The object being to protect husband’s self-image before others.]

41. Just like men on the job, women expect to have their way in domains that advance their self-interest agenda, especially in their home, marital relationship, and mothering. Success depends largely on generating at least the appearance that he rules the roost. [Guy adds: If she expects to rule the rooster, she specializes in getting up before the rooster crows—actually and not just figuratively. He learns to depend on his woman when she prepares his day ahead of him. His dependence and her importance slips when she follows him out of bed in the morning. (I speak about their natures and not today’s practices. I also see the need to once again explain what appears to be alibiing for men.]

42. By not getting in his face, she keeps him open for negotiating and accepting her influence. She knows that his guilt about his own mistakes impresses him much more than if she cites them to his face or in front of others such as the kids. Staying out of his face is the essence of capitalizing on her submissive spirit. [Guy adds: Her peaceful and accepting demeanor in the face of his mistakes makes him doubly regretful and uncomfortable. It’s discomfort that mostly inspires men to change.]

43. Submission aside, over the years the wife/mother ultimately wields the greatest family influence. In the final analysis, she is much better equipped to anticipate competing decisions and negotiate or disguise with cooperation what is really happening in home and family. [Guy adds: It’s the product of an expert relationship expert doing her expert best.]

A woman’s submissive spirit is equally or more influential than a man’s expectation of submission. That is, however, if she fully develops the God-given talent inherent in her submissive spirit. And thus this series ends.

 

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1967. LOVE: They Love Very Differently


Major differences in upbringing separate women into two pools, mature and immature (aka adult and adult-adolescent). That separation distinguishes how women perceive and respond to manly love.
• Mature women expect more than commitment before they marry. Immature women overrate commitment. They commit themselves to a man’s highly pleasing and promising words. Such a woman does not wait to establish that a man is devoted to her. She never learns what a devoted man looks like except by watching and envying other couples.
• Mature women do not tire or become bored with a devoted man. Adolescent-minded women wish they had a devoted man but they become bored if they do. They expect to hear a continual flow of new, exciting, and reinforcing words about their importance. Actions speak too quietly for them. They cannot imagine and convert their man’s devoted actions into the words they want to hear. Boredom causes loss of gratitude, which reduces happiness, which registers with their man as less respect, and which reduces manly love of them. Thus, an immature woman falls prey to distraction and other interests when her man acts natural. That is, when he changes after conquest, gives no evidence of bonding through sex, and takes her for granted after marriage.
Men do not love as women do.
• Men may or may not love as the result of their commitment and pledges of fidelity. They step up to duty and love in their own fashion, but it is not woman-think love.
• A man’s deepest love is the result of dedication and action that signify devotion and that program his heart through repetition. Commitment obligates the mind; devotion obligates the heart. Both can last a lifetime.
• A man’s love is based on respect for one woman he sees as virtuous. He appreciates her attractiveness but does not truly understand her feminine mystique, female modesty, moral standards, monogamous expectations, and other unique values and natural imperatives. However, he admires some or many of those factors. Her faithfulness to her feminine nature—the opposite of Feminism—uplifts her in every man’s eyes until one finds her extraordinarily promising enough to want to spend his life with her. [131]
• The male nature makes a man respect that which he earns and not truly appreciate unearned gifts. Earning the gift of someone’s love is the root of male love. If a woman loves a man without his having earned it, he will not learn to respect her enough to devote himself to her. Commit? Yes. Devote? No. By doing things to please her, his actions program his heart to appreciate her out of which comes his devotion. (Falling in love at first sight programs a man’s heart immediately but claiming it raises the red flag.)
• Men appreciate women they respect. They feast their eyes on their woman’s attractiveness. They admire her unique female and fascinating qualities. They take actions to please her for herself rather than just for sex, and thus over time become devoted to her. That is, men appreciate, feast, admire, and act out their love until they are sure they have won her. Then, they become less obvious. Having won a mate, they move on to bigger challenges, which women call taking them for granted—which women usually do too once they have given birth.
• When a man truly loves a woman, it overwhelms but does not kill his want of independence. Being primarily a taker, he expects to take what he deserves in exchange for yielding his independence for marriage. If wife does not know how to provide the rewards that he expects for husbanding and fathering, his devotion wanes and incompatibility begins to arise.
• When he knows he has truly won a mate through marriage, he soon takes her for granted. The win frees him to move on to new challenges; what she should see as his unique way of solidifying devotion to her. Spurred by the duty associated with devotion, he sustains it by pleasing his own heart and expresses it by doing better at producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving.
Women do not love as men do.
• Women give of themselves in exchange for attention, appreciation, and affection that recognize their importance to those they love. Loving someone is a self-centered process that both blesses and confirms their natural inheritance of self-worth, -importance, and -love. Thus, loving themselves for loving someone else is the root of female love. Without someone to love, their lives are empty.
• Women hopefully or mistakenly believe that men love the same way. It is a major and probably the major cause of incompatibility to expect of men what women expect of themselves.
Modern females trash the natural order of finding a mate. Instead of making men earn the gift of their love, they provide sex with mistaken conceptions and expectations. Consequently, they commit too easily and mishandle themselves out of earning a man’s devotion. The seeds of incompatibility are sown, many marriages are destined to easily fall apart, and all because they expect men to love as women love.

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987. Sex Differences Do Matter #06


  1. Men work and play harder to achieve direct results. Women work and play harder to improve the processes that produce their goals.
  2. Women have trouble living with unrelieved guilt; they strive assiduously to relieve it. Men don’t have such trouble with guilt; they rely more on forgetfulness than relieving it.
  3. The female nature seeks equality as matter of principle. The male nature seeks fairness as good enough in principle knowing that equality is impossible to achieve except in theory.
  4. Women talk about their sex wants, needs, and desires. Men brag about their prowess and stamina or ignore the subject.
  5. After they get beyond their primal urge for sex, men view pretty women as adding beauty to the world. Women don’t see handsomeness by itself; they still look for signs of wealth and potential husbanding. (When women don’t, they throw away feminine caution.)   
  6. Men value physical faithfulness above all else. Women value emotional fidelity more than the physical.
  7. Men relieve stress by externalizing—hunting, fishing, drinking, fighting. Women relieve stress by internalizing—resting, cuddling, talking, crying.
  8. Mature men endeavor to make their kids well accomplished and prepared to enter the adult world of work, responsibility, and accomplishment. Mature women endeavor to make their kids effective in maintaining relationships.

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654. Quips from Mrs. Guy — #1


♦       Hot flashes yield to vitamin E, at least that’s the way it worked for me.

♦       Without ladies, we can have no gentlemen.

♦       Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. The former blesses and the latter distresses females.  

♦       It took Guy 35 years to get me trained exactly as I want him.

♦       Gladness comes from giving, but mature women know that’s just plain living.

♦       Health is wealth.

♦       A favorite dessert makes even a preacher lay his bible down.

♦       It didn’t come to stay, it came to pass.

♦       When she gives it away, she doesn’t get it back.

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342. Ties that bind, or not! — Their needs


Self-interest motivates everyone to do what they do, but it also conflicts with what a spouse expects.

 

She needs a brighter future for her family. Mature women exploit their relationship expertise. They work for stable security and promote family development, closeness, and harmony. Immature women seek materialistic brighteners—more money, continuous shopping, unaffordable housing.

 

Those things are not that important to men. Their male nature focuses more on the present than the future. Wife expects husband to respond favorably to her wishes about their future. However, it takes skill so as not to interfere with his near-term thinking, interests, and plans.

 

Mature wives focus and coach husband on building and sustaining their marriage. Immature wives pressure husband for greater effort, for more and better of whatever he does. (When he never measures up, it sends loud messages that he’s inadequate and may even be insignificant.)

 

His needs are far simpler than hers. He only needs a place to flop, eat, throw his things, and prepare for tomorrow’s ‘battles’.

 

Such a place is easy to come by elsewhere. Consequently, in marriage he expects fun and comfort to compensate for loss of independence.

 

It’s her home to build and dominate. When she does it well, it’s a castle to him.

 

Tradeoffs leads to cooperation—good! Disrespect for their opposing natures leads to competition—ungood!

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252. Female dominance: Gone! — Part 8


Women use faulty tactics dealing with men. They ignore a strategic truism.

Einstein said: “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

Imagination motivates. It breeds drive and determination, and curiosity triggers it.

Immature women expect that exchanging intimate knowledge with a  man, especially sexual activity, will enable them to capture and hopefully keep a man. Nature works quite the opposite.

Men appreciate what they pay for, and the more dearly they pay, the greater their appreciation. Pay, that is, with their interest, focus, time, manners, sacrifice, energy, laughter, fun, games, promises, mistakes, affection, commitment, politeness, devotion, and even worry about losing her.

Not knowledge but a man’s imagination keeps him interested in her. It’s the promise of what lies ahead with her that keeps her glued into his self-interest.

For example, each step completed from flirtation to copulation satisfies and shifts curiosity to the next step. Knowledge gained step-by-step satisfies all curiosity about her body. It becomes a known quantity, quality, and value with conquest.

Mature women see his energy for her as more important than his knowledge of her, wanting her as more important than having her, imagining her as more important than knowing her.

If he wonders why she acts resistant to his come on, his imagination shifts toward finding out. If she’s not understandable, his imagination shifts toward her depth of character and what motivates her.

For example, feminine mystique is all about creating curiosity and satisfying it ever so slowly. Her need for modesty, intimacy, and privacy stimulate his imagination to know more about her.

Women could do better with a new strategy: Generate maximum curiosity and satisfy it the least. Exploit curiosity to trigger masculine imagination. It works better than making herself knowable and known without his having paid much in dedication, effort, and self-worry.

More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 237, 222, 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

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